Category: Uncategorized

HONORABLE MENTIONS:
These honorable mentions are all 4 out of 4 films from my site this last year, who didn’t make my top cut of 15. We have Malcolm & Marie, Raya and the Last Dragon, Rita Moreno: Just A Girl Who Decided to Go For It, The Guilty, Encounter, The Novice, and Flee.

Also these films, that for Oscar awards counted as 2020, but as far as I can tell are 2021 movies and things got really weird for them for regular best of lists and I didn’t know what to do: Judas and the Black Messiah, Our Friend, and The Father.

15) Together Together
Why is it on the list? Together Together is a baby surrogacy movie, but not a standard one. It is actually outside of the norm because it does NOT involve the main leads falling in love. It is perfect in that regard. A rich guy wants to be a dad, he hires someone much younger to have it, and she is going to use that money for college, and that is it. Sure it still talks about the weirdness of their “relationship” and the struggles over that time, and their boundaries. But it feels real and, I cannot state this enough, it has them NOT decide to date or marry as a result, which is super healthy for this type of movie to do.

Favorite moment? The ew moment and why Anna says ew.

Any Best Awards: Best pregnancy of 2021.

14) King Richard
Why is it on the list? Because Will Goddamn Smith surprised me. Look, when I first saw the trailer, I thought it was messed up. A Williams sister movie that…is more about the dad and his relationship with his daughters, and less about the sisters themselves? That seems pretty messed up. But a few notes: One, Will Smith nailed it and was clearly acting and not being Will Smith. Two, it was very emotional. And three, the Williams sisters agreed to back this story and love their father’s contributions to their careers and are behind it, so who am I to judge on the vehicle for the first movie about their lives.

Favorite moment? The constant focus on education and childhood over purely sports success.

Any Best Awards? Best sports movie of 2021.

13) Shiva Baby
Why is it on the list? Shiva Baby makes me feel so uncomfortable! It was almost the levels of uncomfortableness as Uncut Gems, despite being way shorter and much smaller stakes. It really draws you in and makes you feel claustrophobic, with pretty swell acting as well. And let me be clear, it is funny with its awkwardness, and this is just a film I have decided to not go back and check out, because, yuck, not ready for it still.

Favorite moment? Probably one of the earliest reveals in terms of why things are uncomfortable at the Shiva, because then it just continues to spiral.

Any Best Awards? Best young life crisis of 2021.

12) Being the Ricardos
Why is it on the list? Because Aaron Sorkin written movies often make my lists. And his directed ones make it two-thirds of the time, apparently. I love, love, love, love, love the dialogue. I do, it is true. I think the stars Nicole Kidman and Javier Bardem are especially strong and extremely charismatic together. The weird beginning introduction interview, that is barely used after it is unnecessary for this story, but it doesn’t overall detract from the wonderful screen presence that this movie gave me. Hell, it made me slightly care from

Favorite moment? J. Edgar Hoover and the writer’s room banter.

Any Best Awards? Best behind the scenes of 2021.

11) tick, tick…BOOM!
Why is it on the list? This was one of my most anticipated films of the year, because, well, every musical was anticipated basically. But this one was directed by Lin-Manuel Miranda. The first one he has ever directed. Based on a famous musical creator who died tragically early. And also based on a musical he made. There are a lot of layers and different time lines in this story. And it is all swept together nicely through Andrew Garfield‘s wonderful acting and singing. God damn, this was a unique experience and it is so hard to describe at the same time.

Favorite moment? 30/90, Boho Days, and Therapy.

Any Best Awards? Best theater cameos of 2021.

10) Encanto
Why is it on the list? That is a silly question. Have you seen it? Disney had two great animated hits this year, and I also loved Raya (it was in the honorable mentions) and it was hard to find out where it would land with Encanto. I did put Encanto on the top, partially because yes it is a musical (oh hey, Lin-Manuel Miranda reference again). But the story was wonderful in that it had a less obvious villain. The movie wasn’t solved by the main character suddenly getting powers, like a lot of stories of those who lack. And damn, it is one that can make me cry.

Favorite moment? Surface Pressure. Yes, better than We Don’t Talk About Bruno.

Any Best Awards? Best house of 2021.

9) Spider-Man: No Way Home
Why is it on the list? FOUR movies were added to the MCU this year, with only one being a Sony movie. And that one made the list. This was my most diverse year for MCU ratings (2, 3, 1, 4 were the ratings of those released in the order they came out), which is also a first. But what did Spider-Man: No Way Home do? It gave us an emotional arc that now seems like it was 21 years in the making. Obviously some of the things it did weren’t planned 21 years ago. But it gave closure to things we never thought we would get. It gave us hope that the ever churning big media machine that cancels projects that under perform at the Box Office can eventually surprise us with something new. It was an ambitious event, it could alienate tons of audience members, and yet it proved that despite that, people wanted to see it and love it nonetheless. And it made me cry.

Favorite moment? The MJ save and the Green Goblin turn.

Any Best Awards? Best Superhero film, best Fantasy film, and best nostalgia of 2021.

8) Annette
Why is it on the list? This was definitely a hard one to rank. It took me three sittings to watch the first time because of how uncomfortable and strange things got. I knew it deserved my highest honors, and that I would likely never see it again. But then? I did see it again, all in one sitting, months later. Annette is a visual and musical and strange-ical trip. Nothing normal about this film. Adam Driver puts his whole body into the role. Despite strange on the outside, you can tell everyone takes it very seriously, which adds to the eerie music and tunes throughout. The final scene in the visiting room? That one is so goddamn rough, but one of the best scenes of the year.

Favorite moment? The prison visit and the boat trip.

Any Best Awards? Best fourth wall breaking, best use of puppets in 2021. Also best use of really putting your whole goddamn body and focus into one strange role of 2021 for Adam Driver.

7) The Mitchells vs. The Machines
Why is it on the list? The last few years have had a lot of animated duds, so surprise surprise when two of them make my list and a third was really close. I probably would not have even noticed The Mitchells vs. The Machines coming out when it did, back in March, but I am glad word of mouth happened, because I was not ready for this (road) trip. The humor is constant, the visuals are unique, we get a lgbtq main character whose sexuality is irrelevant to the plot, and the voice acting is also extremely strong. I have seen this one a few times from last year, and it still feels refresh, and doesn’t feel like it will be that dated in the future either. Congrats, you beat the Disney/Pixar machine for me.

Favorite moment? Furby.

Any Best Awards? Best animated film and best traditional comedy of 2021.

6) In The Heights
Why is it on the list? In a year with so many musicals, one of the first I saw this year ended up as my favorite. And I mean that as a traditional musical, even though the music and sounds are anything but. Technically, two other films after this are also kind of musicals, but not in the same sense that this one or other traditional ones are. The songs from this musical were stuck in my head for months. I ended up watching this movie the most out of any movie last year, four times, twice in theaters and one of them in IMAX. But the soundtrack alone would bring my numbers up more. It was even hard to pick a favorite moment. And, of course, our third Lin-Manuel Miranda note of this list.

Favorite moment? Honestly, most songs. In The Heights, 96,000, It Won’t Be Long Now, Benny’s Dispatch, Piragua, Champagne.

Any Best Awards? Best Lin-Manuel Miranda cameo, best intro, and best “real musical” of 2021.

5) Riders of Justice
Why is it on the list? Riders of Justice is a film that was never on my radar, until once again, it came out and had a lot of word of mouth praise. I was extremely surprised by the direction and plot of this film. Is it a standard mystery revenge plot action film? Sure, parts of it. But it also has extreme amounts of humor, heart, and based in a world that is trying to change from the macho “ah shoot those who wronged you!” cinema of the past. I was surprised throughout at how touching it was, and how on point and accurate it was dealing with these social changes and people who were unwilling to think about those change. You can go in expecting a lot, and still find yourself surprised by this one.

Favorite moment? Threats in the car and dinner scenes.

Any Best Awards? Best action film, best twists, and best “woke” film of 2021.

4) The Killing of Kenneth Chamberlain
Why is it on the list? Speaking of movies that one wouldn’t have noticed. I didn’t even notice The Killing of Kenneth Chamberlain despite it being nominated for two spirit awards. And I would have been so distraught with myself if I didn’t watch this one for this list, because it is intense, sad, and anger inducing in such a short time period. It is a true story, it is real time, and the dialogue is based on the real events as well since the whole thing was recorded on his side of the door. One of the best movies out there to really drive that ACAB motto home, even if one of them tried to stop it, he didn’t try too much.

Favorite moment? As a tragic film, this is hard, but I guess the window cop scene.

Any Best Awards? Best drama and best true story of 2021 and worst police of 2011

3) Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes
Why is it on the list? (Third time in a row). Oh hey, a movie that I would have never seen except…well, it was actually sent to me as a screener, as a festival movie last year. It is coming out wider this year, and Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes was the most creative movie I have seen this year. Seeing a screen that is yourself two minutes from the future, and then not too long later, two minutes in the past, doesn’t seem like a big window. But the technical skill to pull this off, to prerecord these videos, to set up the timing, it is an ambitious project for a group of unknown people, and it is the type of film that I hope is studied for its brilliance in the future.

Favorite moment? The long look into the future.

Any Best Awards? Best science fiction, best drama, best use of technology, most creative, and best foreign film of 2021.

2) CODA
Why is it on the list? When I saw CODA, I assumed it would actually finish number one on my list. I didn’t know what else was coming after, if anything would knock it down (and it ended up losing to something that came before it, go figure). But CODA is one of those perfect feel good movies. It has lights amount of romance. It has struggle. It has a feel good ending. It has some singing, and it is kind of like a musical but only somewhat. It involves a part of the world a lot of us normies don’t have any clue about. It does clever things with its filming technique. And it makes me cry every time. CODA should be seen by everyone, even with some of its R rated content, I wouldn’t worry too much about showing my own kids. It is sad, heart felt, and just goddamn wonderful.

Favorite moment? Hands down, (or maybe hands up?), Both Sides Now.

Any Best Awards? Best feel good story, best title pun, best “sort of musical”, and best Comedy-Drama of 2021.

1) Bo Burnham: Inside
Why is it on the list? I loved Inside from the moment I saw it the first time on my home screen. I was anticipated for the teaser trailer. And honestly, it was far better than I even expected it to be. It grew on me over time, from an already high standing.

Let me be clear: I think Bo did something here that has honestly never been done before. Sure, stand up specials usually have only one writer/main actor. And sure, movies have been made before by one person doing the whole thing. But this is still different. It is a chronicle of his and a lot of other people’s year, in a year unlike many others. It shows growth and change over that time, from the music and lyric choices. Its slow descent into more and more madness and apathy, starting with funny haha clever jokes to more extreme pieces of music. Bo has done a great job in the past of opening up, but he has never felt more open. I hope it is all sincere, and I feel like we as a society are better for those who have seen it and also opened up their own feelings. Inside is raw. Inside shows Bo’s inside. Nothing sexual. Just feelings.

And if anyone does anything like this in the future, it will always be compared to Bo’s. I can’t see anything similar topping this either, without standing on the shoulders of this project as a comparison.

Favorite moment? Welcome to the Internet and All Eyes on Me.

Any Best Awards? Best stand-up special, best “documentary”, best soundtrack, best “documentary musical”, best song, best “comedy film”,  and best FILM of 2021.

Thanks for reading! If you disagree with part of this list, let me know. If there is something I missed, let me know (but I probably saw it and reviewed it on this very site!

And as always, I accept hate mail via the post office, email, or tweets.

Here we go again…again.

Hotel Transylvania hasn’t been a shining example of a good animated franchise. Its jokes are cheap, its concept is meh, its animation is on the lower tier of big releases.

But there is now a fourth one. Hotel Transylvania: Transformania. Why didn’t they just call it Hotel Transformania? The world will never know, because clearly the FOR is meant to indicate the fourth one.

This was set to come out early October last year, same day as The Addams Family 2 (which also wasn’t great), but sold to Amazon before hand. And then everyone was surprised when it wasn’t out. Turns out the release date wasn’t finalized. Early January next year? Fine.

And a lot of people also found out that Adam Sandler wasn’t even involved with this one. Only him and Kevin James cut the plug, every other older famous person remained. Why did they leave? Where did they go? Maybe only Cotton Eye Joe knows.

Unrelated, did they ever say why there are so many of Dracula’s friends at the hotel, all the time? They don’t work there right? Are they on some permanent free vacation at their friends place of business? Honestly, if this was a first movie question, I have forgotten by now. If so, those early movies are a good metaphor for how Adam Sandler’s movies have turned out the last decade.  He admitted that himself that his movies can just be paid vacations for him and his friends.

Turning Jonathan into a monster is going to make some weird fanart porn now.

So what is up with the hotel of monsters?

Well, the 125th anniversary is happening, and of course, Jonathan (Andy Samberg) is fucking things up. They had a big evening planned, so he did a lot more nonsense to surprise Dracula (Brian Hull), who hates surprises. Honestly, calling Jonathan a clumsy person with a big heart at this point seems ridiculous, since he knows what Dracula prefers and ignores all of his well wishes when it comes to things for Dracula. That means Jonathan is really just doing it for himself, or at least, for exciting Mavis (Selena Gomez).

Dracula was going to announce his retirement and giving the hotel to Mavis (and technically, also, Jonathan since they are married), but they find out early and piss him off again, so he lies and says he can’t give Jonathan the hotel, since he isn’t a monster. Some old made up real estate law. And so Jonathan finds someone who has a transformation ray, that turns someone into monster or human, and sure, goes monster. Dracula knows this will piss off Mavis, so he does the thing he always does, tries to hide stuff and not communicate.

Sure enough, he gets turned human (and his friends do also), the ray gets broken, so Dracula and Jonathan have to go on a long perilous journey for another crystal. Eventually the friends and Mavis and them join too. They gotta switch everyone else back, damn it.

Also starring a lot of returning voices, you know, except for the two who weren’t. Brad Abrell, Fran Drescher, Steve Buscemi, Jim Gaffigan, Kathryn Hahn, Keegan-Michael Key, Molly Shannon, and David Spade.

Hey look, it is that scene with the monster ray! How fun. 

I don’t care if it is an animated film, but…characters should be able to grow and change over time? And having four movies in a row where Jonathan does the same mistakes, learns a lesson, then does the same sort of thing again isn’t growth. When Dracula distrusts his daughter making decisions, and lies to friends and family, learns a lesson, then does that same sort of thing again next movie isn’t growth. Adding children to a movie and more characters, isn’t growth.

What the heck is the point?

One of my least favorite parts of the third film was the extended dance sequences they decided to have with each monster doing the macarena. Slowly. Over and over. Multiple times in the movie. That was a bizarre waste of time. This movie tried to test me early on, as they had the Cha-Cha Slide and started to do the same thing. Thankfully, it didn’t last as long as the macarena, but I feel like it was done intentionally to troll me.

The movie itself isn’t great. There is no reason for most of the adventure. It could be saved a lot of time if they just…fly…further. They know a lot of monsters who can fly and travel. Fuck. Mavis in bat form could do most of the work in the country, go to the cave herself, and get a crystal from looking safe without all the danger. It is such a nonsensical journey adventure, that exists purely for the movie, when clearly there are many work arounds for it.

Why the hell did the Slime DJ turn into a jello dessert? The goddamn ray said HUMAN and MONSTER. It didn’t say revert to some non-monster form on it. It can take a non-human and make it human. That is it. They had a giant monster dog get zapped and it turned into a regular dog. That isn’t a human either. These are just fundamental issues that make up a movie of lazy writing.

I will say it is technically better than the third film for me. But only because it has less dance sequences. I guess they are turning this into a TV show, with different animation style. Or already did. I don’t know. I won’t watch it.

0 out of 4.

Why though? Why? Wes Craven died in 2015, and the horror community was saddened. He was very old, so it wasn’t too shocking, but it still did come out of nowhere.

Craven had helped revitalized horror films multiple times in his career, which I don’t know if any other director can say about their films. He was one of the top masters of the genre. He directed each and every Scream movie, never letting anyone else touch his baby. I wonder if he regretted letting other people do Nightmare on Elm Streets. Or maybe he didn’t have enough power back then to keep the films going on his watch.

I personally 100% ignored the idea of the Scream TV show. Apparently it might have had three seasons? Cool, its not canon, I don’t care. It wasn’t made by Wes. So I also was EXTREMELY reluctant to care about the next film. Scream 5, or as they are calling it, Scream.

The directors of Scream (Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett) did Ready or Not a few years ago. Which was a horror film with comedic elements, which is what one could use to describe Scream. But Scream is also scary. Ready or Not disappointed me on many levels (although I know my opinion is not the majority there). I don’t know these guys. I don’t know if I should trust them.

But fuck it. I am not going to avoid it either. Let’s see how it was done. Will it be a tarnish, or a good movie, or even just a good sequel for Wes? Well…

“Wazzaaaaaaaaap” 

Ten years ago or so, some people were killed in Woodsboro. It was due to a book release. And about 15 years before that is when the first Woodsboro killings too place. There were other killings too associated with them, at a nearby college, and of course, in Hollywood.

So…why would they happen, AGAIN, in Woodsboro? You know, with new teens.

Well, fuck it, I won’t tell you. Because honestly, I didn’t watch the trailer, I don’t know what elements are considered spoilers, so I will just say it will be explained. But let’s say it involves a Ghostface mask. Let’s say it involves the local community. Let’s say it involves those from the past and blame it on actions from the past.

Starring new teens (Jenna Ortega Mason Gooding, Mikey Madison, Sonia Ammar, Jasmin Savoy Brown, Dylan Minnette), old stars (Neve Campbell, David Arquette, Courtney Cox, Marley Shelton), and even some new adults but they at least used to be teens (Melissa Barrera,,Kyle Gallner, Chester Tam, Jack Quaid).

“Hey! I know them. They’re from the movie!”

Okay, to get the first part out of the way, I think Wes Craven would have approved of this sequel. It has a similar tone, similar reveal, similar meta knowledge taking the franchise in a slightly different direction. He would have probably scoffed over the tributes to himself in the movie (one of the characters is named Wes and a specific party) but that was clearly something there to benefit his family, friends, and fans.

I found myself multiple times, getting frustrated with characters, wondering why they would do a stupid action. You know, standard horror tropes. And then wondering why they don’t do X. And most of the time, the characters would end up actually doing the smarter thing, and feeling relieved. Most of the time when a character did a stupid action in my mind, it actually made more sense by the end because “oh, they were the killer, nevermind, their actions make sense now.”

I didn’t love the final reveal of the killer(s). I did go in with certain characters I was hoping would be the villain, so if it didn’t match my early on guess, that was my own disappointment, but doesn’t reflect the movie badly. Although, we do have a situation that when the reveal happens, at least one of the characters seemingly acts WAY more insane than they ever showed before, uncomfortably so. Like Matthew Lillard or Timothy Olyphant in the first two (oh spoilers for the first two). But maybe they did it as an homage. Fuck if I know, it can be hard to tell on Scream movies, where references are kind of the point.

I don’t know if the acting from some of our stars is as good as it had been. Yes, I am talking about Campbell and Cox. Arquette’s character was given a much bigger change, so he had more moments to shine and act great, but that is more of a script issue. Thankfully, the overall story is good enough for a horror film and the franchise that I can just let that go.

I enjoyed this sequel. Some of the kills were pretty gruesome. The inability for the ghostface to die early is ridiculous. But I thought the characters were fun, the deaths were fun, even when they pissed me off, and I can even see a future movie down the line.

Here is my final order: 1 > 4 > 5 > 2 > 3.

3 out of 4.

Hey remember Sing? Yeah? But why do you remember Sing?

I remember Sing being an incredibly average film. The trailers definitely implied a lot more songs might be featured in it, but most of them were just used in a montage audition scene. It was a mediocre film mostly because it had a very basic plot, and pretty standard tropes when it came to the plots of the individual main characters. The lead character wasn’t someone I looked at and cheered for. They let the mouse, despite being a dick all film, have a happy ending without making amends, which is shocking for a kids movie. And then you know, it ended.

It definitely didn’t feel like the type of thing that would get a sequel. But with Illumination Entertainment, anything they make that can be franchised and soaked for money with a lowest common denominator of jokes, they will do it, I suppose.

So hey, let’s see what nonsensical reason they come up for a sequel for Sing 2.

That button isn’t ominous enough. Needs to do something like open a trap door, or hit a bigger gong.

What’s going on with the animals, after they put on a fun little singing show for their friends and family? Well, they are still working together to put on original shows. They made a version of Alice in Wonderland, but you know, with other pop songs being song for it. They constantly sell out their show, which is impressive in their regular sized community, but alas, they want more.

Buster Moon (Matthew McConaughey) invited a talent scout to see the performance, but she leaves halfway through because it is not right for her employer, Mr. Crystal (Bobby Cannavale). He has a big hotel and theater in a Las Vegas like city, and he needs a new stage show. The scout didn’t think their show was good enough to even bring for an audition. Rough.

But Buster convinces his crew to head to the auditions anyways. And they will lie their way to the audition, and lie their way to a show start, by making promises he can’t guarantee, about a show that isn’t written. Good times. Follow your dreams haphazardly. Promise that you will get a big star, Clay Calloway (Bono) despite him being a recluse for 15 years.

Starring the returning voices of Reese Witherspoon, Scarlett Johansson, Taron Egerton, Tori Kelly, Nick Kroll, Garth Jennings, Jennifer Saunders, and Nick Offerman. And now we get voices of new characters voiced by Adam Buxton, Eric Andre, Halsey, Letitia Wright, Pharrell Williams, Chelsea Peretti, Julia Davis, and Peter Serafinowicz.

Word a Lion eat a porcupine? Probably.

In all honesty, I went in expecting to hate Sing 2. Let’s be clear. It really doesn’t make sense to exist. The idea behind this is that now that the con-artist found some actual talent through the rubble that is his town, he wants to make them a bigger famous act, basically singing cover songs, to works as entertainers? Ehhh.

I find it hard to find the lead character charming at all. He is a guy who just constantly lies because he feels he deserves greatness? He lies about things that might not be even conceivable, like the prize money in the first film. Things worked out for him, and that is great, but ehh. Not my kind of message for kids.

A lot of the side plots are pretty trash. The plot of our Gorilla not dancing well, and needing to dance well for his scene? Whatever. It was very much not in character for the choreographer to do what he did during their final show, and that ruined that potentially cool scene for me. The Elephants plot was also extremely basic, about not knowing how to fall in love. The plot of the musical they put on was shit, because none of the planets had any actual storyline for their musical.

The heart of the film comes from the Calloway character, a famous older star, who lost his wife, and gave up his career, to live alone with his deep lion thoughts. Bringing him into their fold took them time, and his moment on the stage was a bit charged up in emotions. I did cry during it. Those bastards. And despite the terrible way for the plot to unfold, from its beginning lies, to its terrible subplots, it was a fun show they put on for the experience. It was a bad musical, but a fun show.

One final note. What is going on with the songs here? Like, as far as I can tell, all of these people are aware they are singing cover songs of someone else? There is more evidence of that given that when they sang a U2 song, they talked about it belonging to Clay, of course voiced by Bono. And in Sing, it is not like all those townsfolk just had songs they made up on the fly ready to go. So they are all covers and exist. Why the hell is everyone so bananas over people singing cover songs? Why did Ash have any level of a successful rock career just singing cover songs? This is very unrealistic. There is going to be a Sing 3 probably, because hey, money. And people like cover songs in cartoon movies. But trying to figure out why people go bananas for them in front of them is bizarre.

2 out of 4.

Ready for that new movie, Spider-Man: All the Hype in the World?

Oh, it is called No Way Home. Fine, that is fine. It could have also just been called “Print Money for us Please” because a lot of people are going to see this movie and they are going to see it fast. This is arguably the most excited people have been for a movie since Avengers: Endgame. After all, in our last Spider-Man movie, we were given a very strong credits scene. [Note: I hated that this was a credit scene. That scene was really important for the film. It made the ending really work. The fact that it was “credits” scene and arguably less important really bugs me]. It helped build up the hype.

I personally am hoping that this movie does…something to help establish what the actual fuck Marvel (even if Sony is helming this film like always) is doing with their time. If I see one more “Present Day” tag line in the MCU this year I will lose it. No one has any clue when any of these movies are taking place, because they all are in the future based on the Thanos Snap.

Is this one in 2024? 2025? Who knows. Will the movie know? Doubtfully.

Is she enjoying this ride? Spider-Man: No Way Home takes place basically right after the end of Long Way Home. Mysterio’s last trick. Telling everyone Peter Parker’s (Tom Holland) identity and blaming the bad stuff on Parker.

Now everyone knows! Now everyone knows about his friends and his girlfriend (Zendaya) and that causes issues. Some still love him, some now hate him. Some just want to make his life miserable. Hell, it is even affecting his ability to get into college. Because they know his name, and they aren’t sure if they want that publicity or trouble. Is he a MURDERER?

Needless to say, Peter feels like shit about this. And he hates it more that it is affecting those who love him and he loves in returns. So he wants things to change. Maybe time travel? Maybe people can just forget the whole thing happened? Maybe magic can be involved?

Well, once magic gets involved, and potentially unstable magic at that, it seems like the reality Peter knows is not going to be the same forever. Time to face old villains for the first time.

Also starring some other people you know from these movies. Tony Revolori, Jacob Batalon, Angourie Rice, Jon Favreau, Marisa Tomei, Martin Starr, J.B. Smoove, J.K. Simmons, Benedict Wong, and Hannibal Buress. Also (checks trailers to see what is and isn’t a spoiler) Alfred Molina, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Rhys Ifans, and Jamie Foxx!

Anyone else? Maybe! Maybe we also get other villains played by Paul Giamatti, Dane DeHaan/James Franco, or Topher Grace? Maybe we get villains in the last two movies showing up, like Michael Keaton and Jake Gyllenhaal. Will we have past Spider-Men like Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire? Will DONALD GLOVER appear as old Miles Morales?

This isn’t a spoiler, this is the main advertisement! 

Spider-Man: Oops! All Villains! edition. Frankly, I wondered if this would feel crowded. Crowded is what they were going for after all. And arguably, crowded villains helped kill the last two Spider-Man franchises. “But no! This time we will do it better!” And how is that? By giving us previously established villains so we don’t need an eight hour movie. Sure, it requires a five film commitment, but they figure if you are watching these new ones, you probably already committed to the over 20 that is the MCU at this point.  So why not five more, assuming you didn’t already have them?

It works though. For those without the previous films, I wouldn’t be able to tell you. I can’t get myself in that headspace. It is a risky move, and a ridiculous move, but damn it, trying new stuff is one of the reasons I watch movies. To see those that make risks, and this film is so risky. I don’t care what the past has told us, MCU printing their name on it doesn’t always guarantee success. Having a likable cast can help a lot.

This is the most emotional we have seen Holland as our web crawler before, and that includes the time when he didn’t feel so good in outer space. From the villains, Molina brings the same despair and anger he had before. Foxx felt better and more confident than the shit they gave him in his original. Ifans/Church were very underutilized, in more ways than one. I just assume the actors couldn’t really be involved that much with the film.

But Dafoe? Holy shit Dafoe. He has had like, twenty years to forget how to be the Green Goblin, and I was honestly worried about him the most. I know he is a fantastic actor, but even early on into his scenes in this one, I was skeptical, but that dude NAILED IT so hard. That is some real good review writing right there. What an absolute madlad he is. Why did they kill him off in that first film? So sad.

Honestly, people will get mad at me if I say much more. So in order to keep things vague and mysterious, I will. Let’s just say, I cried once, and it is not likely a moment you would fully expect. There is obviously an early credits scene, and an end credits scene. Feel free to leave early after the first one, in my opinion. The post credits scene is trash.

4 out of 4.

The last time we got a Guillermo del Toro film is when he directed the one about fucking a fish.

Will someone fuck a different creature in Nightmare Alley? Hard to say based on the title alone. I did not know until a little bit before hand that Nightmare Alley was an older book, and also an older movie from 1947. So we are getting a remake. And honestly, this is the exact reason for remakes in my mind. Often remakes are made for successful film that they just want to try again because people liked the first one. They should do more remakes either based on films that failed, or at least just more unknown work to give them a new fresh light.

Not to insult those of you who know and love the original Nightmare Alley film, but honestly, it isn’t super well known now, regardless of how big it may have been in the past.

This new version promised to be closer to the book. Alright, whatever, I am just hear for the movies. Specifically, Guillermo del Toro movies.

No, this isn’t a screengrab from the next Indiana Jones flick…Who is that mysterious stranger, Stan Carlisle (Bradley Cooper)? The one with the smooth outfit, the clean face, the twinkle in his eyes, the hat? The one who burned down that house for some reason and is willing to just…drift.

Stan finds himself at a traveling show, a carnival, full of lies and deceit. But he sees a geek show, and agrees to help load up for the night for a small payment. And then he gets offered a job to stay along more, because he looks like someone who just needs to be there.

So he stays, he listens, and he learns. Quickly. He learns the tools of the trade. He has plans and ambitions. He has been kept quiet and hidden for so long, he thinks he can take some of these skills and become famous. A celebrity. But if he becomes a man who deals with deceit, eventually, he will be deceited right in the ass.

Also starring Cate Blanchett, Clifton Collins Jr., David Strathairn, Holt McCallany, Mary Steenburgen, Richard Jenkins, Ron Perlman, Rooney Mara, Tim Blake Nelson, Toni Collette, and Willem Dafoe.

I bet his eyes aren’t even closed under there. He is using those eyes and his blindfold eye. He is a phony!

Nightmare Alley is so damn aesthetically pleasing to look at. It is polished (some would even say, polished as fuck). I know it is getting harder and harder to really tell how much of a movie is made in front of green screens, but it feels as if this film was mostly main in real places and scenes, using fine cameras to make everything pop. That is what I truly hope and believe, especially since I know del Toro is a fan of using as many practical effects as possible, generally. But maybe most of it is CGI’d, who knows. It looks wonderful.

The big cast works really together. Some in much smaller roles than expected, but still bringing in their all to tell this strange story. It was good to see Perlman get some work in a non straight to video film. Blanchett is in particular quite a force, basically stealing the movie away from Cooper’s character after she walks into it. She is given a really strong role and one that is hard to top. Cooper also does a wonderful job. It takes awhile before his character starts to talk. I wondered if he would be a silent protagonist for the whole film (like Cage was recently in Wally’s Wonderland) but once he started to actual talk, getting him to stop was the harder part.

The actual story for the film is also a pretty good one, if not slightly familiar in some ways. The ending is the type of thing you can see miles away, because they foreshadow everything really hard. However, it is okay knowing how it ends up, because finding out the lengths someone can fall and also rise is often the most exciting part of a film.

Nightmare Alley, shockingly, has no puppet animals, or strange creatures, or any non humans getting fucked. Is this growth? Nah. That was a one time thing for del Toro. Until it isn’t.

3 out of 4.

College Athletes should be paid for their game times and their practice times.

That is it. People who do work should get benefits and protections from said work. That shouldn’t be controversial.

But every time this conversation comes up, people will talk about how they get a scholarship at a nice college during that time, and that is their payment. Bullshit. Plenty of people get scholarships to college. But they don’t have to give up most of their time to do it. They can still accept gifts from people. They can still get a job to earn money. Athletes get fucked over, and bring in money for their schools, all so they can just exist there for free? It is nice when the slave master provides a place to sleep, I guess.

Ahem. I am passionate about this subject. I have seen a few documentaries on it. And still very little changes. It really sucks for those involved. Most of them don’t become elite players in their sport to make money. Most get used up and spit out and hopefully can get a job somewhere, assuming their body hasn’t betrayed them by then.

All of this to say, I am excited to see National Champions. A film that is going to tackle that very subject, in a fictional manner.

Pictured: Me glaring at the “BuT tHeIr ScHoLaRsHiP” crowd.

Here we are, the NCAA College Football championship game. The best two college football teams playing for all the marbles. None of those silly Bowls, this is the top spot, where anyone would want to be. This is the biggest stage a lot of these students will reach, given how few people actually make it into the NFL. But who knows, a great show here might mean getting drafted, or even, the highest draft position.

So let’s talk about LeMarcus James (Stephan James). He is the elite quarterback who helped lead his team to an undefeated season. He has a great enough relationship with his coach (J.K. Simmons) and people seem to like him. And now he is planning on boycotting the final game in just three days. He refuses to play, until his demands are met. What demands? Honestly, he wants important ones. He wants all NCAA athletes to be considered employees, so they can earn money from their schools. He wants them to get cuts of pay from their ticket sales and things with their image or name attached. He wants insurance protection for players during college, that ensure their scholarship won’t go away and they will have the best care even after the season is over.

You know, he doesn’t want student athletes to be treated as slaves as the conference owners and coaches get richer and richer. And James is likely going number 1 overall in the draft, he already has a big day coming his way. He is trying to protect all the other athletes.

This causes quite a hubbub. A lot of people pick sides. A lot of drama will happen. And a lot of secrets will come out, or maybe come out.

Also starring Alexander Ludwig, Andrew Bachelor, David Koechner, Jeffrey Donovan, Kristin Chenoweth, Lil Rel Howery, Tim Blake Nelson, Timothy Olyphant, and Uzo Aduba.

I think we can all make inferences about what this looks like. 

Hey! A movie about a topic I am invested in! And honestly, my main points of detraction are that it didn’t stay as invested in that story as I would like, and filled it with fictional stuff. Which makes sense, because it is fictional…

Obviously if these people are playing these characters they have things in their past, and that makes the escalation of events by the end build up due to all of the secrets. But like…what if there wasn’t a big build up of secrets? What if there was nothing worth blackmailing, like I assume a majority of people out there would have? That is the fictional film I would like to see technically. But yeah, we need drama or whatever in these movies. And the secrets, some of them are quite juicy. In terms of entertainment and the stakes, they do get really high, so we have some good tense boardroom level scenes with high power dealers.

But damn, my interest in this topic just wishes it played it straight. But then it would be a documentary, and fuck, we already have like 50 of them on this topic.

Okay, so aside from that, I did like the movie. It had a little confusion early on though. It took me a bit of time to really understand what the hell was going on with Ludwig’s character, as in, his characters role in the movie and with the star quarterback. Was he a player? Was he some buff political person controlling him? It was a bit odd. I thought James and Simmons gave exceptional performances in their roles, although the finish for both of them with the plot was a bit of a unexceptional ending.

Clearly I wanted just a movie where the players on both sides agreed, and everyone got what they wanted from the strike, and we all moved on as a country, but that is less believable than magic. It is important to recognize my own biases in where I wanted the plot to go, versus what happened. In terms of escalation, it was nice, and tense. It had some wonderful speeches. It still got important information out there. And I think it can be a nice fictional sports movie not about sports. Like Draft Day. A tense movie about a fake draft so sure, it can be made really damn tense.

3 out of 4.

Daa-daa-daa dadaDAH-dahdaahhhhh.

I Love Lucy is an iconic show in TV and American Pop Culture History. When there were barely any channels, it was basically the most watched thing ever. Around the world, people (non-kids) can recognize Lucy Ricardo and Ricky Ricardo, and maybe they can recognize her wail as well.

Now of course, for me, this is where I get to say I have never seen a full episode of the show. I have just seen clips. Never searching them out either. They just love showing clips of the show in documentaries, in movies, in other shows. How else will you know what decade it is without an I Love Lucy on the TV set in the background?

I do love Aaron Sorkin though. And I know that his fictional behind the scenes look at the making of an episode of I Love Lucy combines some of my favorite Aaron Sorkin based moments. People will argue about scripts and the writing. People will make last second changes. And people will have a lot of things going on in their heads at the same time, often switching between them on a moment’s notice in their dialogue so we have to keep up.

So let’s go Sorkin. Teach me about the show from a fictional perspective based on reality.

You don’t have to be a real red head to play Lucille Ball. She wasn’t a real red head! D:

Lucille Ball (Nicole Kidman) runs her show with an iron fist and an attention to detail. She won’t let sloppy writing affect her show, because she wants her shows jokes to be believable, and not just playing dumb to the camera. Lucille Ball is quite smart and clever, damn it, even if she plays a bit of a silly simple potato. 

Her Husband, Desi Arnaz (Javier Bardem) also helps run the show, running different aspects. He keeps the money coming in, he deals with the press stories that affect them, he warms up the audience, he keeps it a smooth sailing ship. They are the perfect couple, fictional or otherwise. Or are they?

In this week on I Love Lucy, we have to deal with a lot behind the scenes. A sudden pregnancy and how it will affect the show. Reports of Desi cheating on Lucille. A bit of the sketch that just won’t work. Side characters feeling inadequate. And oh yeah, reports that Lucille is a communist. 

Hopefully they can tackle these issues while also putting on a good show for the audience, and hopefully they can stay on air this early into their second season. 

Also starring J.K. Simmons, Nina Arianda, Alia Shawkat, Jake Lacy, Tony Hale, Clark Gregg, and Nelson Franklin. 

Is this the real life? Or is this just grape smashing? 

I am old enough, and have seen enough movies, that I know what to expect when going in to an Aaron Sorkin movies, and this is basically what I expected going into an Aaron Sorkin movie. But this is only his third movie where he has both written and directed it. The first one, Molly’s Game, didn’t remind me a lot of his previous work, outside of the dialogue. The Trial of the Chicago 7 did remind me a bit of his past work, since it was a courtroom drama, but it still wasn’t fully there. 

Being the Ricardo’s reminds me of older Sorkin. It reminds me of his TV shows specifically, basically all of them. Yes, even Sports Night. And Steve Jobs. It has a hectic feel, despite being over the span of a week. It has layers to it, we also get a lot of flashbacks of the couple as they met, and their careers before the show. It feels like the classic Sorkin, the one who only wrote and didn’t direct. He was able to capture the style that his writing dictated in all of those works, and I am all here for it.

I don’t have any real basis for who should have been cast in these roles or who should not have, because I don’t know the old show. But I did learn a whole lot, and while going back to look things up, I was shocked how much wasn’t made up. Just the timing of things are really what was changed. 

Kidman and Bardem are wonderful together. I want them to be different people and be in a real chaotic relationship together. The rest of the cast was good too, and I was surprised at how much it highlighted other people who worked on the show and the producers. 

Being the Ricardos feels like a movie that should be made for fans of the show, but it made me a fan of the show. Will I go and watch it? Hell no, let’s be honest. I ain’t got time for that. I got enough of it from clips. But I will say I appreciate the real Lucy, Lucille Ball, a lot more than I just assumed before. 

4 out of 4.

How the heck did the poor assistant from Nightcrawler become such an acting force?

Well, Nightcrawler was a great movie, so it makes sense that every person involved has some greatness, even if the character is weak in comparison to the lead.

Riz Ahmed is a great actor, and putting on a show for us these last few years. We had Sound of Metal, and now we have Encounter, where Ahmed is at the lead, and putting a whole lot of himself into these projects. I am all here for it, let Ahmed be the next, well, Jake Gyllenhaal. Always excellence in every movie, no matter how silly or weird the character. Looks like he really was his apprentice in Nightcrawler after all…

But getting those muscles was probably on his own.

Malik Khan (Riz Ahmed) is a father and a military man. He has two kids (Aditya Geddada, Lucian-River Chauhan) and they mean the world to him. Maybe?

Speaking of the world, thanks to his top clearance and years of service, Malik has information that the Earth is undergoing an alien invasion, right now! But instead of big space ships, lasers, and humanoids, these aliens are tiny, bug like parasites. They can enter your body, and go into your brain, taking control of your life, feeding off of you. They want to take over the human race! You can tell if someone has an alien parasite by looking at their eyes, very clearly.

Well, Malik really doesn’t want his kids to get taken over, and he wants to protect them at all costs. So he leaves his home to find his kids and take them on a surprise road trip, in order to bring them to safety in the middle of nowhere. The less they are around possibly infected individuals, the better. There he can teach them survival skills that he learned through the military, and maybe they can survive this thing.

Unless. Of course. He is making this all up. Is he? Did he just kidnap his kids, or is he saving them from a very real threat? Guess that is the question here.

Also starring Octavia Spencer, Janina Gavankar, and Rory Cochrane.

“How do I teach these keeeeds…how to survive an apocalypse?”

You all know me, Gorgon Reviews, and know that movies where a parent tries to do anything to protect their kids really get to me. They tear at my heart strings so easily, it is like taking candy from a baby not being protected by an adult in their life. So of course I am invested in a story about a man trying to react during the opening part of an alien invasion, with classified information not many people would know about.

And yes, I also put that maybe this whole thing was a lie and there are other big issues going on. That is not some sort of spoiler, that is honestly really apparent that it is a potential direction this movie might take. Because if it is early on in an invasion, with parasitic sized creatures invading human host and taking over their lives, anyone making that claim would be seen as crazy and ignored, that is a fact.

This is not a movie that keeps it vague enough the entire time that you will get to the credits and not know if the invasion is happening or not, they make it pretty straightforward certainly by the halfway point. And none of the mystery going away deters from the simple plot though. Of a man, trying to protect his kids. A man who has gone through a lot, knows a lot, and is doing what he thinks is the best thing he can do.

I loved the emotion between Ahmed and the two sons. The younger one was appropriately annoying and acted exactly like I imagined a kid would of his age. The older kid made some surprising decisions, but they were very strange circumstances so I don’t think I could relate. I was surprised at some of the action pieces in the second half, especially with the “other brothers” in the small group of abandoned homes. It was a tense scene that helped show us that our main character was very gifted at what he trained to do and also cared about other people and didn’t want anyone to get too hurt.

Encounter is unconventional in the story it is telling, but still one worth seeing at least once. And once again, featuring very strong acting from Ahmed in the lead.

4 out of 4.

I heard a lot about Wolf before going into it. No, nothing about the plot, unfortunately. Or barely anything about the plot.

I mostly just heard negative reviews from my friends who already saw it. One of the worst films of the year? I knew I had to watch it to be sure.

Unfortunately, the IMDB description for this one is really terrible.  “A high-concept arthouse drama about a boy who believes he is a wolf.” That is it? That is the plot summary? The plot summary is literally the last 7 words, “boy who believes he is a wolf” and no other details. What the hell. The first half is completely unnecessary in a plot-description. A “high-concept arthouse drama?” Okay. It is a drama, fine. But the other words? That is a way to shoot it and a reason to shoot it, not at all what the film is about. I will see if I can do better.

What’s new?

Jacob (George MacKay): Is he a man, or is he a wolf? Well, clearly, he looks like a man. But on the inside, he feels as if he is a wolf trapped in a man’s body. He wants to run through the forest on all fours. He wants to do it at nighttime. He wants to howl at the moon. He wants to shed his clothes, he wants to hunt.

He has species dysphoria, or thinks he is an Otherkin, whichever language deems to be the most appropriate in the next decade. Jacob is actually taken to a clinic that specializes in clients who have species dysphoria, after his parents bring him in, so that he can be taught to shed that feeling and go back to being a productive member of society.

Things feel okay, at first. He has to keep a journal. They awkwardly have areas where they allow the patients to do what they want, including act like animals, with no problem. But for those who are further along, or who don’t find the light therapy useful, they have to deal with The Zookeeper (Paddy Considine), who uses more and more extreme methods to make those people realize they aren’t animals, they are human. You know, by treating them inhumanely.

Jacob also meets (Lily-Rose Depp), who maybe works there, maybe thinks she is a cat, and they begin a strange relationship, meeting at night when the moon is out, and exploring each other’s past and pondering their futures.

Also starring Darragh Shannon, Eileen Walsh, Elsa Fionir, Fionn O’Shea, Karise Yansen, Lola Petticrew, and Senan Jennings.

Rawr means “I love you.”

Wolf is going to be a very easy film to hate. and it is going to be a very easy film to make fun of and laugh at the awkwardness of it all. I know in my own screening, despite going in knowing it was a serious drama, it had some people laughing in the beginning, because they thought it was going for a silly absurd thing. And I can really see that happening in plenty of theaters, and then laughing through out, but it is an awkward laugh because they would be mocking those characters, not laughing at intentional humor.

You see, because this is a “high-concept arthouse drama” it knows it is showing things that could be labeled as ridiculous and amusing, but it is taking the whole thing seriously. No one is acting to be a joke. No character is breaking the fourth wall and winking at the audience. We are to treat this as serious as the film does. And I think that is the only way this works, a little bit.

Because the acting is quite good. MacKay must have been working on his wolf prowl for awhile, because he was putting his whole body into that. The way he moved his shoulders and glared. He likely had to lose weight just to make it more visually uncomfortable. Same with all of the actors. Special shoutout to Considine, who got more and more frightening as the Zookeeper. Doing more and more rough, maybe effective but probably not, methods to make his clients accept their reality. The ending he was downright frightening as he put down a “riot” in the clinic. I have never seem him so scary or great.

Now, in terms of what this movie is all about? I don’t know. It could be considered a metaphor for gay or trans conversion therapy camps. Places where we know abuse and torture occur to the poor kids who are forced to attend, until they are “cured” where the cures don’t really last, they are just delayed and hidden. This has parallels to that, but I honestly don’t think the filmmaker wants this story to be a metaphor. We definitely see The Zookeeper as a villain in this story, and this clinic as a bad place, but it is left morally gray as to whether the clients actions really matter. Should they just live their life how they want? YOLO is what I say.

However, if someone can get through it all and just be impressed by the seriousness of the whole thing, they will probably still be upset at the abrupt and unfulfilling ending. It can happen to anyone. Go if you want to see some interesting/unique acting. Ideally don’t go if you are going to mock people. And wonder with me if it still could have been a lot better.

2 out of 4.