Category: Articles

There’s still time right? There is still time to make something about my Oscar Predictions?

I figure I should make some official ones, given the amount of movies I watch. I am going super simplistic with this too, but if you click on a movie link, it leads to my full review for you to judge and get overall feelings for!

Best Picture
“American Sniper”
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)”
“Boyhood”
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“The Imitation Game”
“Selma”
“The Theory of Everything”
“Whiplash”

I mean, did you see my top films of 2014 list? Birdman was number 1, but Boyhood was a close number 2. I’d be happy if any of them won, even Grand Budapest.

Actor
Steve Carell in “Foxcatcher”
Bradley Cooper in “American Sniper”
Benedict Cumberbatch in “The Imitation Game”
Michael Keaton in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)”
Eddie Redmayne in “The Theory of Everything”

Arguably everyone did good here, even Mr. Carell, but Redmayne went full cripple with the role. This was his Daniel Day Lewis moment, and I expect him to win unless all the voters also watched Jupiter Ascending.

Actress
Marion Cotillard in “Two Days, One Night”
Felicity Jones in “The Theory of Everything”
Julianne Moore in “Still Alice”
Rosamund Pike in “Gone Girl”
Reese Witherspoon in “Wild”

I think three women can potentially win this, but I picked Moore because everyone told me too. I would love it if Cotillard could win as well, and then maybe Pike. Maybe.

Supporting Actor
Robert Duvall in “The Judge”
Ethan Hawke in “Boyhood”
Edward Norton in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)”
Mark Ruffalo in “Foxcatcher”
J.K. Simmons in “Whiplash”

Most of the acting categories feel pretty easy to guess, and everyone is saying J.K. Simmons here, because he rocked that movie out with his cock out.

Supporting Actress
Patricia Arquette in “Boyhood”
Laura Dern in “Wild”
Keira Knightley in “The Imitation Game”
Emma Stone in “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)”
Meryl Streep in “Into the Woods”

Similarly, everyone knows Patricia Arquette is winning this award, as she had quite a transformation over those 12 years. My follow up favorite option would be Emma Stone, and everyone else was meh.

Animated Feature
“Big Hero 6”
“The Boxtrolls”
“How to Train Your Dragon 2”
“Song of the Sea” [Didn’t watch]
“The Tale of the Princess Kaguya”

A hard subject that I have gone back and forth on. I’d like to rewatch HTTYD2 and BH6 really, but my gut instinct gives it to the Dragons.

Adapted Screenplay
“American Sniper”
“The Imitation Game”
“Inherent Vice”
“The Theory of Everything”
“Whiplash”

Shit, I dunno. I really don’t know. This might be the only thing Imitation Game has a chance on, so why not them?

Original Screenplay
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)”
“Boyhood”
“Foxcatcher”
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“Nightcrawler”

Another category I have no idea on. Anderson writes good scripts, and I want him to get acknowledgement for his zany movie. I’d say either this or Birdman or Boyhood or Nightcrawler.

Cinematography
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)”
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“Ida”
“Mr. Turner”
“Unbroken”

I might be wrong with Best Picture, but I won’t be wrong here. Cinematography is the entire fucking point of Birdman, and it knocked it well out of the park.

Costume Design
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“Inherent Vice”
“Into the Woods”
“Maleficent”
“Mr. Turner”

First off, I’d say all of these did a fantastic job. Except for Maleficent. And for no reason other than liking it the most, I am giving it to Budapest.

Director
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)” Alejandro G. Iñárritu
“Boyhood” Richard Linklater
“Foxcatcher” Bennett Miller
“The Grand Budapest Hotel” Wes Anderson
“The Imitation Game” Morten Tyldum

This is a hard category, but I think it will be split from best film. I think the dedication Linklater needed for his movie is worth more than just well done film that Iñárritu put out. But again, it is between them too.

Documentary Feature
“CitizenFour”
“Finding Vivian Maier”
“Last Days in Vietnam”
“The Salt of the Earth” [Didn’t watch]
“Virunga”

Two of these docuementaries I really loved, but of the two, Citizenfour is crazy topical and crazy good. Behind the scenes footage of recent events like you have never seen before.

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Film Editing
“American Sniper”
“Boyhood”
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“The Imitation Game”
“Whiplash”

I picked Boyhood, because, well, it has a shit ton of footage to editor together. I assume.

Foreign Language Film
“Ida” Poland
“Leviathan” Russia
“Tangerines” Estonia [Didn’t watch]
“Timbuktu” Mauritania [Didn’t watch]
“Wild Tales” Argentina [Didn’t watch]

I only got to see two of these and I definitely preferred Leviathan way more than Ida, although both are quite slow.

Makeup and Hairstyling
“Foxcatcher”
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“Guardians of the Galaxy”

Foxcatcher is here because of a nose, Guardians is here because of paint. Grand Budapest Hotel has to win, right?

Original Score
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“The Imitation Game”
“Interstellar”
“Mr. Turner”
“The Theory of Everything”

I can honestly say I don’t really give a shit here, as long as Interstellar doesn’t win.

Original Song
“Everything Is Awesome” from “The Lego Movie”
“Glory” from “Selma”
“Grateful” from “Beyond the Lights”
“I’m Not Gonna Miss You” from “Glen Campbell…I’ll Be Me” [Didn’t watch]
“Lost Stars” from “Begin Again”

A lot of good choices here. Of course everyone would like it if The Lego Movie won this, but I loved basically every song from Begin Again. It was the tits. Go that movie.

Production Design
“The Grand Budapest Hotel”
“The Imitation Game”
“Interstellar”
“Into the Woods”
“Mr. Turner”

Production Design? I think Budapest would have this in the bag as well. Everyone knows about Anderson and his design.

Sound Editing
“American Sniper”
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)”
“The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies”
“Interstellar”
“Unbroken”

I might not know the difference between Editing and Mixing, so I am giving it to Birdman, as it had to incorporate things like drummers/drumlines with everything else going on in the story. Good times.

Sound Mixing
“American Sniper”
“Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)”
“Interstellar”
“Unbroken”
“Whiplash”

Speaking of drummers. I think war movies tend to win these type of things, but I don’t rememeber American Sniper being that great in this department.

Visual Effects
“Captain America: The Winter Soldier”
“Dawn of the Planet of the Apes”
“Guardians of the Galaxy”
“Interstellar”
“X-Men: Days of Future Past”

Okay, sure, here you go Interstellar. You were pretty as fuck with many different worlds. You should totally beat the super hero movies and the monkey one.

LOLOLOL, I have seen one of the next fifteen things. Yeah. Feast, because it was before Big Hero 6. Sooo, I am just guessing on most of these based on the name.

Animated Short Film
“The Bigger Picture”
“The Dam Keeper”
“Feast”
“Me and My Moulton”
“A Single Life”

Live Action Short Film
“Aya”
“Boogaloo and Graham”
“Butter Lamp (La Lampe Au Beurre De Yak)”
“Parvaneh”
“The Phone Call”

Documentary Short Subject
“Crisis Hotline: Veterans Press 1”
“Joanna”
“Our Curse”
“The Reaper (La Parka)”
“White Earth”

Right or wrong, those are the only two ways this list can be.

I hope you enjoyed my very little effort in this, and I also hope even more that the Oscars don’t completely suck. I am just watching them for Neil.

You’ve seen the worst, now prepare for the best.

I had a lot of movies that I really liked this year too. And unlike the worst list, everything on this list I gave a 4 out of 4 too. This is the cream of the crop.

Some films I didn’t get to see yet from 2014 that may have made this list. I have heard good things about A Most Violent Year, The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby, many documentaries, and Two Days, One Night. I won’t update this list either, just know it in case you think one of these should be at the top.

Honorable Mentions: Fury, Joe, Whiplash. There were probably more 4 out of 4s, but these would have been the next in line I think.

15) The One I Love

The One I Love is one of those surprises to make my list. This film flew by me completely under the radar, only found it because I was looking up Mark Duplass movies in boredom. And hey, it was an incredible indie flick that was also very simple in nature.

The entire performance is resting on the shoulders of our two main leads, and their performances are incredibly realistic for this situation. It is a Science-Fiction movie without outer space or rockets or gadgets. Just love, romance, philosophical debate, and many questionable situations after another in a very morally gray way.

14) Muppets Most Wanted

For those of you who read my The Muppets review, I thought the movie was okay. I didn’t grow up on the TV show, never watched it, but understood most of the pop culture references to it. I think I ended up watching more Muppet Babies, which I don’t think is canon. But the sequel? Muppets Most Wanted? I smiled from start to finish.

The music was basically done by Flight of the Conchords and it showed. Everything felt witty and original. I don’t think there was a single disappointing song in the whole picture. Which is why, awkwardly enough, this was my highest rated musical for the entire year. There were a lot of movies that should have been contenders, but some failed miserably, some were pretty good, but none made me this happy and excited.

13) The Imitation Game

Now my list might start looking like other “real reviewers”, but I warn you not to get used to it. The Imitation Game was actually nominated for Best Picture and there are many reasons why. Benedict Cumberbatch is awesome, generally taken as fact. It is about one of the most exciting non combat parts of World War II, the solving of the German Enigma Code.

Now, I don’t care too much if a movie takes historical liberties with the past, as long as we get a good story, and I am pretty sure that is what occurred here. I think a lot of the drama may have been exaggerated or created, but the important truths are still in tact, and it sucks what happened to Alan Turing. I didn’t think it would make me cry, but sure enough, the drama always wins in the end.

12) X-Men: Days of Future Past

Comic movies?! It is hard to imagine that the same studio who makes The Wolverine and other shitty X-Men movies can put out a masterpiece like Days of Future Past. On its own, it is an ambitious title, because time travel is always a tricky subject. First Class was a good movie and a step in the right direction, but I couldn’t have imagined the sequel jumping this many leaps and bounds to give an incredible comic book movie experience.

Although not my favorite comic book year, it did help give some faith to Fox Studios and pump me up for the next X-Men flick, Apocalypse. I hope this leads to even more ambitions films in the future and willing to break the mold of a typical super hero plot line.

11) 22 Jump Street

Yes, back to the “what? really?” aspects of my list. 21 Jump Street surprised me, mostly because it seemed like such a bad idea, the cast didn’t make sense, and the reboot felt unnecessary. I was wrong. The idea for the sequel, 22 Jump Street, I also thought was terrible. And I was wrong again, but more.

Phil Lord and Christopher Miller must have been completely bonkers to write this movie, as they took the idea of a comedy sequel, and went meta as fuck with it. Channing Tatum is secretly a comedic mastermind. That has to be it. I was cackling in the theater, almost to the point of pain. I am excited for the next 20 sequels they produce.

10) Big Hero 6

2014 was also an incredible year for animated films. A lot of heavy hitters this year, definitely more than the last few years when there tended to be one film above the rest. Big Hero 6 was this years submission by Walt Disney Animation studios, who gave us Frozen, Wreck-It Ralph and Tangled. But it was also partnered with Marvel Studios, given the ownership and all, to give us an incredible animated movie.

What I remember the most about this movie is the color and imagery went into creating this futuristic cross-cultured city. Oh, an the fun action scenes. And the humor. And yeah, it is just a wildly fun movie. The studio keeps putting out incredible work, and honestly, I can imagine this taking best animated film just as easily as any other movie nominated.

9) How To Train Your Dragon 2

Which brings me to How To Train Your Dragon 2. Me and Dreamworks have not been getting along, giving me mostly crap or only okay stuff for the last few years. For the first How To Train Your Dragon, I mostly just hate how lazy the ending riding conflict felt, and thought it could have done a lot better.

I actually don’t know what I like more, between this and the last movie. They are by far my favorite animated films of the year. The only reason I am giving HTTYD2 an edge is due to its vast improvement over the original. They both went to some dark places, both made me cry, and both were beautiful in every way. But a great story that wasn’t afraid to get dirty and wasn’t afraid to set the franchise up for bigger and more intense things.

8) Locke

Look, if you had told me I had to watch a movie about a guy on the phone for an hour and a half, I would have been probably upset with you. I get enough of that by riding public transportation every once in awhile. Unless that film was Phone Booth, I probably wouldn’t care.

But despite the plot, Locke is about Tom Hardy on a phone, driving along the interstate, making the hardest decision of his life. And that is it. And I was floored by how invested I became in his story and the choices he made. This plus The Drop cemented Tom Hardy as a wonderful actor, but we already knew that from Warrior, right?

7) Captain America: The Winter Soldier

The third and final comic book movie on my list, Captain America: The Winter Soldier started off the summer blockbusters right. And in April at that! Marvel is doing great things by making their different movies into different genres under the Superhero subtext. This one is spy/espionage/political action movie, with a few comedic elements as well to keep us guessing.

Before this movie, like most people, I would have said Avengers was the best Marvel film, but this felt like Avengers 1.5. Guardians of the Galaxy was a great movie, but not one that I thought was super great. Chris Evans is making himself the most important actor to the studios and I hope he gets a sweet ass pay check to represent what this film did to the MCU.

6) Nightcrawler

At first I was upset that Nightcrawler wasn’t about the X-Man. And then I was upset that Jake Gyllenhaal turned down his role in Into The Woods to do this movie. Then I watched it and I smacked my past self right in the mouth.

Gyllenhaal is also doing the best work of his career and it is amazing what he did with this role. Probably the best portrayal of sociopath in a long time, this Thriller/Drama explored the dark side of human nature and how just an individual with no schooling and a lot of can do attitude can become a success. No matter what.

5) The Raid 2

I wouldn’t want to make a best list without featuring at least one foreign movie! And that same foreign movie is probably the best action movie in the last 10 years. That number is picked at random, I can’t think of a better action movie 11 years ago. I can only think of The Raid 2. You don’t even really need to see The Raid: Redemption to understand this one.

Admittedly, the plots of these films are a bit weaker. But if you want well choreographed and insane fight scenes, there is literally no better action movie to pick. Over two hours long, and slightly more plot, this movie has more action into its pinky than the entirety of Sylvester Stallone‘s last ten flicks.

4) Gone Girl

David Fincher is probably one of the more celebrated actors of our generation, so whenever he has a new movie, you know peopl are going to rush and see it. I personally was more excited to see Gone Girl because of Ben Affleck. He was the bomb in Phantoms, he was the bomb in this movie. Hell, everyone was the bomb in this movie.

Rosamund Pike gave one of those terrifyingly creepy performances that don’t come along very often. Hell, the last time I saw anything remotely similar would probably be…Nightcrawler. Ah yes, the year of the crazy. But if a movie can feature even Tyler Perry and think he did a great job, you know something magical has happened on your screen. Ever twisting and turning, the wild book turned into a wild movie.

3) The Grand Budapest Hotel

After I saw my first Wes Anderson movie, I was weirded out, didn’t get it, and thought I wouldn’t watch any more of his movies. Just like earlier, I was glad to be wrong, and I have definitely loved his last three movies. The Fantastic Mr. Fox and Moonrise Kingdoms were both top films the year they came out, but The Grand Budapest Hotel has to be the best movie he has ever made. He has always been great with his cinemetography and quirky characters, but he elevates his directing game to new heights with this picture.

At this point in the article, I am running out of things to say without sound repetitive. GBH is funny and dark, and a great performance from Ralph Fiennes. I think this movie will inspire a whole generation of youths to become Lobby Boys and Hotel owning enthusiasts.

2) Boyhood

Admit it, you probably figured out what the top two films were a couple movies ago. And that is because they have probably been the most talked about out of all the movies from 2014. I think Richard Linklater is one of my favorite directors. The Before trilogy is probably one of the best and most realistic trilogies ever produced. When I heard he was making a movie that took TWELVE YEARS capturing a boy growing up from 6 years old to 18, I could barely believe it. When I finally got to see Boyhood, the 2.5 hours seemed to flow by.

His journey was the audiences journey. I don’t know if I found it more relatable because I too am a white male or what, but it was like a nostalgia filled journey that I wish would never end. I demand a sequel, but from 18-35. Make this the closest thing I get to having a real life The Truman Show. A crowning achievement of film and directing and one that makes me feel like I gained a friend who I have known my whole life.

1) Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue Of Ignorance)

Ah Birdman. What a movie. 2014 has some of the most unique films of the decade, and it is a shame that they all had to come out months of each other. When I first saw Boyhood, I thought there was no way a movie would top it for me. It was such a great concept and just felt like the epitome of the movie experience. And then Birdman came along.

Birdman had everything. Deeply dramatic monologues. Comedy. Beautiful visuals. Many ways to interpret the movie after seeing it. Fantastic fucking acting. A great story line. Very meta at the right time. I was blown away with the “single shot” feel of it. Single long shots are some of my favorite things in movies, so making the entire movie with that experience blew every ounce of my mind. ALL OF THE OUNCES. Not to mention making the actors really know their stuff. Having to actually act, like people in a play! Which is what the movie is about! Agghhh! Even the soundtrack rocked.

Even. The soundtrack. Rocked.

And there you have it! The best of the best. Did I leave off anything you think should have been up here? Do you disagree with anything at all? Am I the stupidest person ever? Be sure to let me know and yell obscenities while doing it!

Welcome everyone to my first ever “Worst Films of 2014” list!

I have said before that for the most part, Worst Film lists are terrible. They usually end up having something completely average or regular bad on the top, just because people like to drink the internet hatorade. For instance, some people claimed The Lone Ranger was the worst movie of 2013. I thought it was exciting, or at least average/okay.

And as a reminder, 2013 also gave us such classics like Movie 43 and Scary Movie 5. Yeah. The Lone Ranger is clearly worse than those movies. Technically these things are opinions, but clearly opinions such as that can be wrong.

Either way. I didn’t see every movie that came out in 2014. I saw most of the ones that had a theatrical release. But there are a lot of movies that go straight to DVD or straight to VOD. Dozens every week. I didn’t get to see most of them, so this is the

WORST 15 MOVIES THAT I HAVE SEEN THAT CAME OUT IN 2014‘
Catchy title. Why 15? Because I had that many I wanted to hate on again. Also another note: All of the movies on this list were either rated 1 or 0 out of 4. Some 1s may be rated lower. Why? Well, when I rate normally, it is more first impressions/gut reaction. This list however had lots of reflection. The difference between dislike and hate is a fickle one, after all.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Winter’s Tale, Heaven Is For Real, Vampire Academy, Mr. Turner. They all just barely missed the list.

15) Leprechaun: Origins

First up is not only a horror, but a remake! Leprechaun: Origins is one of the few movies on this list that didn’t even make it to theaters. It got a straight VOD release in October, made by WWE Studios. Like all recent reboots, it decided it wanted to be dark and gritty.

And you know, get rid of any personality the strange as hell franchise had going for it. Instead of a leprechaun, we get some strange C.H.U.D. looking creature that took its scary cues from the raptors in Jurassic Park. It is boring, it is unoriginal, and it was a waste of internet space.

14) Moms’ Night Out

“Hey, this movie you are about to complain about probably wasn’t even meant for people like you. You’re not a mom!” Well, I have to admit I am not a mom. But Moms’ Night Out doesn’t seem to be made for moms either. It stereotypes and and gives us unoriginal and terrible caricatures of them.

The fact that it came out around Mother’s Day is just advertising. The idea of making my own mom watch this movie seems like a surefire way of making my mom hate me. I wouldn’t want my mom to think I think she needs to be doing housework all day. This film must have been made in the 1960’s, that is the only explanation.

13) Tammy

Being typecasted can be a good or a bad thing. I mean, it is good if it gets you roles and a steady paycheck, and it is great if it doesn’t make you seem like a terrible human being. But to be typecasted as an annoying friend? That can’t make people like you.

Tammy is a road trip movie with no real goals or focus. What is worse about the Tammy character is that Melissa McCarthy got to make this character herself and still put herself in that situation. We have seen her in other roles that have showed she has range, but this one is more of the same. An annoying amount of same.

12) Left Behind

While leading up to the creation of this list, I watched a lot of “supposed to be bad” movies to make sure I had a more complete feeling list. That is to say, I watched Sharknado 2 and it wasn’t bad enough for this list. But Left Behind and one other were bad enough to make the list, yet not have official reviews written for them yet! Expect them in the next week. 🙂

Either way, Left Behind is a sort of franchise reboot, but with more Cage and probably just as bad acting. The main plot point seems to be characters who realize what is going on, just to be badly cut to a different plot area, and then cut back and their idea be the wrong one. Over. And over. And over. In this movie universe, everyone is an idiot.

11) When The Game Stands Tall

There are sports movies, there are inspirational true story sport movies, and then there is this shit. Stretching the truth to tell a good message is one thing, but When The Game Stands Tall takes a relatively recent (ten ish years ago) story and decide to shit all over the facts and give us inspirational hogwash. Or at least it tries to be inspirational.

But who can really connect with the team that has won over a hundred games in a row and then they finally lose one? They manage to take a great story, keep about 10% of the truth, and give me 90% made up filler. Shit, they can’t even get the opponents and scores versus those opponents correctly. Please, get the fuck out of here.

10) Planes: Fire and Rescue

If I made a list like this last year, Planes would probably be number 1 out of principle alone. Now, less than a year after the first one, we have a sequel of a planned trilogy, where at least the third one isn’t coming out for awhile. Maybe they will work on making it decent.

Just like the first film, Planes: Fire and Rescue is completely lazy in its script department, features a main character who can be a dick, features racist stereotypes to make its characters, and has shitty animation. The type of film that doesn’t try to be good because it makes all its money back instantly in merchandise. The only thing better it has going for it is that at least it has a stronger female character. Just a bit.

9) Lucy

Luc Fucking Besson. This man has been ruining scripts for the last few years, either by writing them completely and directing them, or just adding his input. They are all the same, if I can describe them as terrible and featuring Europe in some way. 3 Days To Kill was terrible, but Lucy was even worse.

Lucy took an okay concept, made it extremely stupid (or dumbed down if you will) and turned the character into an unmoral boring “hero”. A hero who can really early on in the film alter reality in ways so that people don’t have to get hurt, but hurts them anyways. It ends with a slow motion gun fight where her “Friends” and other nice people die. For what? For no fucking reason other than the poorly put together plot.

8) Ouija

Ouija is my second horror film and last one on the list. That’s right! Ouija is the worst horror of the year! That probably isn’t fair, because out of all genres, I bet horror has the most straight to DVD/internet/indie release type of films, so there are probably a lot worse. But damn it, I didn’t see them.

Ouija is a board game company trying to get more people to by their board game. To do so, we get a PG-13 plot line that features some of the least innovative plot twists and scary situations known to man. You know, all about a board game. It is incredible how boring they made this movie. I’ve seen better Ouija board based plots in made for kids tv shows.

7) The Identical

The Identical is the second of the movies on this list that doesn’t have an official review yet. Why? Well, the movie came out the first week of September in theaters and was notable for basically being the only release that week. But I live in an area that frequently has pre-screenings, and they wouldn’t even bother with The Identical.

So I didn’t even bother with it til now, and I am glad to say I didn’t spend $10 on this trash. It is basically like a make believe Elvis story. But instead of Elvis, we have two Elvis looking mother fuckers separated at birth. One becoming a big star, the other being raised by a religious Ray Liotta with dreams of being a rock and roll star some day. The plot description alone should make you want to run away and read a book.

6) Sex Tape

We are getting closer to the bottom, so my hate for these movies will be stronger and stronger. Sex Tape this low makes it officially the worst comedy of the year for me. How bad was it? Well, I watched in theaters with a group of people. Not only did I not laugh, but I remember the theater being silent as well.

But to top it off, it was so boring that in my middle of the day Saturday show time, I fell asleep missing the last twenty or so minutes. Like, hardcore passed out. I never nap and I don’t sleep during movies. I didn’t just sleep during the ending. I slept through 100% of the credits. I was woken up when the lights in the theater were turned on and someone was cleaning up the mess. That’s how boring and un funny this comedy was.

5) God’s Not Dead

When I first saw a trailer for God’s Not Dead, I thought it was a joke trailer made for the lols. What? It was really coming out? Well, it was meant to be a very limited run type of thing, but because religious people went in droves to see it, it became wide release and I actually had to watch it.

Look, movies where some of the characters are dumb and bad at arguments. Sure. But not when the filmmakes are lazy, making terrible characters, in order to help convince millions of people how to argue badly. The main character is an awkward strawman who is just angry and terrible at arguing despite his PhDs. It’s side stories decide to also attack Islam (and make it seem violent), feature Duck Dynasty because they were popular for being anti-gay last year, and even make regular women seem to be the devil. It is the laziest Christian movie I have seen and doesn’t even attempt to raise any amount of intellectual discourse.

4) America: Imagine The World Without Her

That’s right, a documentary! I felt patriotic with this review, watching it in theaters so that I could release it for July 4th! I liked the title, America: Imagine The World Without Her and thought it could go into some interesting subject matter. But no, it was all a ruse. I talk specifics in my actual review, but it is just such an awful piece of propaganda. I cannot believe it got put in theaters.

It features lies, un truths, and a whole lot of unnecessary (and way too early) campaigning for the 2016 election. Seriously. That is what this misleading title documentary turned into. Not only that, but it has some truths also early on to trick you and keep you on your toes. A documentary that should have its biased ass thrown in the trash.

3) I, Frankenstein

Here we go. The final three. And this one is a January release! January releases are known for being generally shitty. It is after the last two months of Oscar bait films. Films they don’t expect to do good and just hope to get back some of their investments. I, Frankenstein takes a beloved fictional character and makes him a whole new level of stupid.

I am a fan of Aaron Eckhart, I am, but first off, he made a terrible Frankenstein’s monster. Second off, this film is a CGI orgy of explosions and fight scenes, all of which are painful to watch. Third, we got a forced awkward romance. And finally, the plot. Oh the plot is full of holes, terrible fantasy lore and it looks like they just threw together a lot of different ideas to make it stick. The only good thing they had going for it was at least a unique choice of weapons and not the same old sword action movie.

2) Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return

For whatever reason, people are super into the Oz based movies right now. That shit is old and every once in awhile, someone tries to remake the lore or re-tell the story and outside of Wicked, the story is always terrible. This time we have Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return, an animated sequel to the classic tale, throwing more characters no one gives a shit at at us, with new songs and new tales.

Just kidding. Shit is shit is shit. What is funnier about this thing is that the makers believe there is some Hollywood conspiracy to make sure independent animated films cannot succeed. When in reality, they had shitty animation and a terrible terrible movie. That is why it didn’t make money. Shit, this movie took years to make and seemed like some sort of Ponzi Scheme in the end. Popular people to voice is does not a good movie make.

1) The Legend Of Hercules

Yay, number 1! The worst movie of the year in my eyes. Here is a check list of things going bad for The Legend of Hercules.

It came out in January.
It is a doppelganger film, but also the “rushed out to beat the other one and definitely far far worse” of the two. (Compared to just Hercules).
It is based on stories, and by that, I mean, Hercules is a character name and everyone else…? I don’t know if anyone is in his mythos. Every other plot point and character just seems generic and made up.
Terrible CGI.
Mostly just a love story and it seems like it wants to capture the Twilight crowd.
Kellan Lutz.

If you like Hercules, don’t see this movie. If you hate Hercules, don’t see this movie.

Thanks for reading! If you disagree with part of this list, let me know. If there is something I missed, let me know (but I probably saw it and reviewed it on this very site! Check out my thoughts). Next week? I will have a list of movies you should actually watch.