Tag: Juno Temple

Breaking news! Justin Timberlake recently offered an apology to Britney Spears and Janet Jackson for being a piece of shit in the early 2000s. You know, the public breakup and blame. And the super bowl shit. He used famous women at the time as stepping stones to advance his own career. People attacked Janet and not Justin. People were bad at Brittney and not Justin.

This apology seems to come right after the docu-show episode called Framing Britney Spears, which made him out to be a bad dude (because, well, he was).

And uhh, none of this has to do with Palmer. The apology happened weeks after Palmer came out, and so did the Spears documentary. This review will come out weeks later too after the apology is no longer breaking news, because I have it on my backburner to post eventually, because no one cares about Palmer and I am trying to stick to five reviews a week.

Do people care about the apology? Hard to say. But certainly one should have happened, and words alone can’t really undo anything that has been done.

Are there any wardrobes that need malfunctioning out there?Eddie Palmer (Justin Timberlake) just got out of prison! Why was he there? Well, the film will tell you eventually. But he was high school football star, got a college scholarship and all of that, but then eventually some things went wrong. And you know, prison.

So now he is back to his hometown, to life the quiet life of a former felon, even though everyone in the town basically knows about him, what he did, and might not give him a break. Palmer is going to live with his grandmother (June Squibb), an old religious type who honestly doesn’t fully trust him. But he needs a place to stay so it should be there. Sometimes there is also a kid in the house, Sam (Ryder Allen), the son of a mother (Juno Temple) in and out of rehab and a slew of other issues, so he is watched also.

But Sam seems uninhibited by gender norms! Oh no. A boy who is fine with pink and fairies? In this economy?

Anyways, this story is about Palmer trying to restart his life, and help look after Sam, despite Sam not being the type of person he is used to seeing. And also Palmer trying to move past his felon past by doing things they just don’t let felons do anymore.

Also starring Alisha Wainwright, Lance E. Nichols, and J.D. Evermore.

“Stripes? Not black or grey or manly reds?” – Palmer, probably.Palmer is a strange movie for sure, but it is one of those that probably needs to be told. We get to deal with several important topics in this movie: Felon rights, abuse, CPS, queer rights especially when it comes to kids in elementary school.

Is Palmer the best film to tackle all of these issues? No, probably not. But representation matters, and getting certain subject into films more often is a way for people to get used to them, and to see certain issues going on in the world more often. If people hear about felon rights post serving their time enough, maybe they will be angry and want to do something about it.

But of course, it is just nice to see a kid who happens to like traditionally feminine things be accepted and have people fight over his right to be how he feels. It is a hugely positive aspect of the movie.

I would also point out Timberlake did fine for playing what amounts to be a simple man from a small town. The kid Allen did great and I did enjoy Temple as playing a piece of shit. Much better than starring in movies that are pieces of shit.

3 out of 4.

Maleficent stormed onto the scene many years ago, one of the first of the Disney live action titles, outside of that bad Alice one.And it was pretty forgettable. A weak plot, a lot of time of just watching a kid grow up, and then some terrible CGI fight battles.

But hey, the whole reason for doing it is to say that someone with the name of Maleficent,meaning to cause harm supernaturally, isn’t actually bad. Oh okay. And sure, they made her seem misunderstood, and basically a revenge film about a rape, metaphors aside.

So why is this sequel, Maleficent: Mistress of Evil, doubling down on the badness? But she isn’t bad. Just bad looking. Now she is also the mistress of evil? I uhh, don’t know why they want to do this?

I’ll go ahead and say this early enough, that they don’t have a good plot reason for this title.

Ah, green fire magic. Magic-y. Evil. 
Alright, so Maleficent (Angelina Jolie) was a sort of hero, killing a king who was a liar and a bad person, and I guess everyone agreed? She magically got her wings back and restored some sort of order, and went back to her magical forest to chill with magic forest people.

But apparently in like, a year or two, the story changes so much that she is a bad guy again. Cool.

Well, Aurora (Elle Fanning) wants to get married finally though, to Prince Philip (Harris Dickinson), who was definitely recast between movies. So they get their parents together, Aurora finding Maleficent, and Philip getting King John (Robert Lindsay) and Queen Ingrith (Michelle Pfeiffer).

Neither set of parents like this at all, especially not Ingrith, who sets about immediately being a bitch. This leads to a curse being cast on a King, Maleficent noping the hell out of there, and then a war against the fey, again.

But hey, this time there are going to be lots of people like Maleficent this time, so you know, bigger stakes, and lots of CGI warring.

Also starring Sam Riley, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Ed Skrein, David Gyasi, Jenn Murray, Juno Temple, Lesley Manville, and Imelda Staunton.

The king has huge look of regret about this whole thing.

Without a doubt, this is a two hour movie that feels like four hours. On the first day of the year, ready to watch a bunch of films, I was completely warn out after this one, my 2nd film of the day, because of how much this movie dragged.

This felt like more of the same, with worse reasoning for existing. This time, the big CGI fest battle happened for a bigger chunk of the movie, if we start it with the very obvious double cross that started against the magical creatures.

This film tries to do more world building this time, but it is building a world, answering questions none of us had. Maleficent is stronger and better than others because. Just because.

Pfeiffer’s character is completely stupid in this film. An antagonist without a good reason. And honestly, Pfeiffer does nothing to really elevate the role at all, she is here for a paycheck.

Maleficent 2 is a movie with more CGI that is exhausting in his excess without being worth looking at. It has acting from all fronts that is forgettable. It tells a story that is very, very similar to the first one, but with “bigger scales” that don’t really matter either. It is a waste of what felt like four hours of my life.

0 out of 4.

Who is The Most Hated Woman In America? Is this another documentary about Hillary Clinton? Shit, I can’t tell from the title if it is a pro or anti Clinton film.

Maybe you could tell from some of my Christian film reviews, but I identify as an Atheist and honestly, there are not a lot of films about atheists where it is important to their identity. Well, in this movie, it is the entire identity.

So this film, another random Netflix beauty, tells a story that is extremely relevant to my life, while also being an important part of American history.

And as a bonus, it is about a goddamn woman who did it all. A double win.

I just wonder where they got the title from.

Madalyn Murray O’Hair (Melissa Leo), a woman who is very proud of her name and doesn’t want that bad boy shortened. She has had some troubles in her life, but she is making it as a single mother. And yes, she is living with her parents, but it doesn’t mean her life is bad. She cannot find a man to provide, so she just decides to work on her own.

And she is educated. She wants her boy to be educated too, even if it means disagreements with her family. And one time she has to take her son to school because he missed the bus, and lo and behold, she hears the classroom reciting The Lord’s Prayer. She tries to make a fuss to the teacher, but she says it is part of their job to have a devotion period, and refuses to listen.

So she takes her argument to the top. And that means the Supreme Court. And in an almost unanimous decision, her argument holds and prayer is taken out of school. And thus, the hatred.

Now, O’Hair doesn’t stop there. She does go after the Pledge of Allegiance too, or at least the “Under God” line. That doesn’t end up as successful, but she does found American Atheists, an organization to give them a voice. And sure, she makes some money along the line.

But O’Hair’s life is anything but normal, and this story goes into a lot of the weirder and more unfortunate parts.

Starring Brandon Mychal Smith, Juno Temple, Michael Chernus, Rory Cochrane, Alex Frost, José Zúñiga, Josh Lucas, Vincent Kartheiser, and Adam Scott.

Yep, this film goes into a lot of clearly hilarious places.

This film does not follow a linear path to tell its story. In fact, right away, we are met with an old lady getting kidnapped in Texas. Yes, Texas, the state that certainly loves its Jesus. The kidnapping case ended up becoming widely known at the time, partially because of how long it took before anyone cared to find her, given how much she was despised by the local community.

This woman was a one-lady powerhouse, who knew how to argue, knew what she wanted and was willing to fight for it. She wasn’t pleasant though. She was (apparently) manipulative of others, including her family, to make sure her and her legacy made it on top. She even dilly dallied with some of the men of the cloth to get some sweet profits, going on a debate tour over the USA.

And that ending? Man, that ending is rough. I almost had to classify this as a Dark Comedy, but only a small shocking bit does not make it into that territory. It took me awhile to really comprehend it, but that is because sometimes the truth is not pretty and it they can’t just ignore her downfall.

The Most Hated Woman in America is informative about an important legal matter in our countries history, and it is always good to learn a little bit about your heroes you did not know existed. A bit sloppy, some slower moments though means it is still not in the elite territory.

3 out of 4.

Daniel Radcliff is one of those actors that you just can’t help but watch what they do. Forever will he be Harry Potter, technically a former child star, but can he be successful as an adult in random movies? We know he was successful in Broadway. He was decently successful in What If.

But what about Satan? It seems like the perfect transition really, given the witchcraft scares of Potter and other wizard folks. First they worship Satan, then they become devils in movies.

Either way, Daniel probably actually did make a deal with Mephistopheles to make all those pounds and pounds of Pounds.

If the United Kingdom adopted the Euro, famous British men wouldn’t have to worry about growing horns.

Everything is shitty for the life of Iggy Perrish (Daniel Radcliffe). He had a long time girlfriend, Merrin (Juno Temple). Well, she was killed. And everyone now thinks that Iggy did it! It was tragic too. Merrin went to church every week. She was a good person and no one hated her. But now the only people that believe Iggy are his brother (Joe Anderson) and friend/lawyer (Max Minghella).

I mean, his parents (James Remar, Kathleen Quinlan) believe him, but do they really? And Merrin’s dad (David Morse) is fully convinced of his wrong doing, threatening to kill him himself.

Oh, and he grew horns on his head. That’s interesting. Especially when they seem to change the way people perceive him, just not in the way that you’d think horns would change someone.

This isn’t click baiting to get you to watch the movie, this is just not spoiling what happens. Also with Kelli Garner and Heather Graham.

This is a scene you can find in about a third of every romance based movie.

First of all, let’s give it up for Daniel Radcliff’s American accent. I forgot he was actually a Brit in this movie! If this was his first role, I would have never assumed he was a dirty Queen-lover.

Related. I wish I could fake a British accent.

Anyways, Horns is probably, by far, one of the weirder movies of the year. And coming from me and who I am, that is definitely a compliment. Based on a book I didn’t read, book people didn’t like it as much, which is no surprise. The horns actually happen super early in the movie, but in order to keep the weirdness and uniqueness of the horns, I kept most of it a surprise for the viewers. I don’t know how much the trailer spoiled, but let’s just say it is worth finding out on your own.

It got even weirder by the end, some plot twists I could see coming, and some I could not. Some of the acting from some characters are a bit weak, but I thought Radcliffe and Temple were on point enough to keep the movie interesting. A lot of her plot and acting was of course told through back stories, but still entertaining.

Either way, Horns is at least unique and that is one of the things people seem to clamor for the movies coming out these days. It isn’t a remake or a sequel. Sure its based on a book, but basically every movie ever is based on a book, so get over it.

3 out of 4.

Ah, another re-imagining. I think the last one recently was Jack the Giant Slayer, but I probably forgot a few other ones recently. This time, Maleficent, we are tackling the Sleeping Beauty tale. Instead of just telling the story a different way, we are getting it from Maleficent’s point of view.

So, at this point, the movie could go two directions. They could show us that Maleficent was really a good/misunderstood character (which is hard, being one of the more evil Disney villains ever), like what Wicked did, or they could give us a movie about a bad ass mother, who don’t take no crap off of nobody.

Do we get the awesome force of evil doing awesome things? Hell no, this is a Disney related property. You are getting a PG movie, Maleficent won’t be evil, tables will be turned. I mean. Wicked did it. Of course it is going the Wicked route.

But now there are some changes.

This film begins when Maleficent is but a young girl. She is also a fairy. Some dumb war between the fairy kingdom and human kingdom going down. She meets a human boy, finds him sweet, they frolic, he leaves to do human things and they grow old apart.

Now, Maleficent (Angelina Jolie) is an adult fairy, protector of the forest because she is better than the other fairies. The human kingdom is at war now with the magic land. Maleficent pisses some people off. Long story short, a metaphor that strongly resembles rape occurs, and her long lost child hood friend, is now the new King Stefan (Sharlto Copley).

So that curse thing happens, basically just like in Sleeping Beauty. But now, instead of Maleficent searching for Aurora (Elle Fanning) for sixteen years, she finds her like right away and becomes her silent guardian, protecting her from harm. Why? Not really sure.

Then a whole bunch of events happen, nothing at all like the events in Sleeping Beauty, and everyone lives happily ever after.

We have the three fairies again, but they have different names now, for some reason. They are now Thistletwit (Juno Temple), Knotgrass (Imelda Staunton), and Flittle (Lesley Manville). We also have Sam Riley as the raven boy thing and Brenton Thwaites as Prince Phillip.

Oooh, there is the Maleficent we know. Even if it is for just a short while.

Here is one difference between Wicked and Maleficent. Wicked, more or less, took the aspects of the original story, kept them all basically the same, and added in a lot of new material and made it great. Maleficent had one aspect of the original story the same (the baby girl scene), then changed everything else about Sleeping Beauty and called it a day.

If it was a “misunderstood villain” story and they actually did it in the context of the original story? Great. If they decide that she is misunderstood because someone told the story wrong? Boring and pathetic almost.

“But movie reviewer! You don’t take the source into context!” Well, that is true. Unless they bring the source material into context for me. Thankfully this movie includes in the actual film one of my least favorite things of the last few years, telling me the story I heard was wrong and this is the real way. Or that I don’t know the truth. It is one of the worst things to hear, and it just keeps happening.

Maleficent had some cool special effects. Her awesome magic powers were vague with what she could actually do. Sometimes really awesome creation magic and spells? Cool! Destruction? Yeah! But that was like, only once, all used for the trailer. Her magic became something that could do basically anything for her, unless it would have made the plot lame. The movie isn’t really dark like the trailer suggests. The middle chunk of the movie is just Maleficent standing around, peering behind bushes while the theater sleeps.

There is a lot wrong with this film, in my eyes. They took a beloved villain and made her a metaphorical rape victim. They made her really powerful, with out displaying any of this power. They made her wear a catwoman like jump suit at one point.

I think that last line really makes my points clear.

1 out of 4.

Small Apartments is another example of a film I picked to watch merely on the bizarre cover. Nothing really out of the ordinary in terms of subject matter, it was just faces of a few cast members. But those faces? Those faces were weird looking.

A bunch of actors I recognized, just all slightly off. I was ready for a dark comedy, or just strange film. Or at least, I thought I was ready for that jelly.

Basically the first scene of the film. I WASN’T READY!

Franklin Franklin (Matt Lucas) lives alone in his apartment, in an apartment complex of weird people. He isn’t any different. He really loves Switzerland, wants to go there, has the giant fucking horn thing and everything. He also is hairless. Relevant? Not sure. He also has the dead body of his landlord (Peter Stormare) on his floor.

He is surrounded by other odd folk, like Tommy Balls (Johnny Knoxville), a junkie with an almost philosophy degree (who is banging Rebel Wilson on the side). There is Simone (Juno Temple) who sometimes spies on Franklin, and flirts with the local convenience store employee (DJ Qualls). Let’s not forget about Mr. Allspice (James Caan) who I guess is just mean. That’s not really weird.

Shit, I could tell you more, but its just…Weird stuff. Weird stuff happens. Conspiracies, and investigators. Burned bodies and burned bridges (that second part is a metaphor, but the first part is literal). We also have James Marsden, Billy Crystal, and Dolph Lundgren.

I never realized Knoxville had the eyes of an angel.

I think I already said this, but man, this movie was weird. I really wasn’t prepared for it in any way.

Everyone was so odd, I just had such a huge quizzical look on my face the whole time, wondering what was happening and why. This is based on a book. I am going to assume the book is equally odd.

I am going to say that based on how rustled my jimmies were, the movie did its job. The actors, in particular Matt Lucas and Johnny Knoxville, were really excellent in this movie.

The issue is, because of its weirdness, I never really felt like I could get behind it. It didn’t really interest me in watching for a movie, it just piqued my curiosity a little bit. A movie I will remember for a little bit, but forget unless it is specifically brought up. A shame. And I feel weird saying the only reason I dislike it is because I couldn’t really get into it, but hey, it’s my website, so sometimes I have lame reasons. Hah!

1 out of 4.

Magic Magic. I like magic. I hope this movie is about magic.

You know, I sometimes watch movies just because there is magic in the title. That is why I watched Magic Mike, obviously. So this has double the magic, which is why I doubly chose to watch this movie.

But in all honesty, you know I am actually watching it for this creepy mother fucker right here.

Chile is a strange place, and that is what Magic Magic has really taught me.

Alicia (Juno Temple) is a young woman traveling to Chile with her cousin Sara (Emily Browning) who she hasn’t seen in some time. Alicia isn’t from the area, but Sara is going to school there, and even has a boyfriend, Agustin (Agustin Silva).

Well, as soon as they set off on a mini vacation to a cool house on a lake, Sara has to leave. She apparently has a test that she has to take, or she will fail the class. Bad timing. Alicia wants to stay with Sara, because she doesn’t know any of these people, but they all convince her to come along and it will be fun. Sure.

Alicia does not have a fun time. She drops Barbara’s (Catalina Sandino Moreno) bag in the water early on, so Barbara might dislike her. Brink (Michael Cera) keeps hitting on her, but she thinks he is a sadist.

Basically, everyone is out to get Alicia, and she doesn’t feel like they are the best sorts of people. And her friend has abandoned her! For more than a day like she promised. What the hell Sara. THESE PEOPLE MIGHT TRY TO KILL HER. AND YOU ARE GONE. FOR FUCKS SAKE SARA.

NO. FUCK SARA AND AGUSTIN AND BARABARA AND BRINK. ESPECIALLY BRINK. HE IS PROBABLY A RAPIST. NO DEFINITELY A RAPIST.

Look at him, staring into her back like that.

Sorry, I went a little bit off the edge there at the end of that plot outline.

Kind of like how Sara starts freaking out. First small gradual freak outs, but over time, full on freak out mode. See, I modeled it after the movie, you’re welcome.

This movie is pretty weird, and it really doesn’t have magic in it, and definitely not two forms of magic. Allegedly psychology classes watch it to try and determine what is wrong with Sara, but I doubt that. This movie literally came out mid August, 2013, so as of now, they can’t possibly have that info to back it up. Wikipedia is lying.

I think the acting from Juno Temple and Michael Cera here are incredible. Cera is creepy while also maintaining a nice guy attitude towards things, while Temple feels like her life is crumbling away from her. She is only on vacation for like three or four days, to give the movie even more context.

The ending was surprising, but if you pay enough attention to the details, you can see how and why it happened. However, it still felt a bit cut off and left unfinished by the end, bugging me pretty hardcore. There is also a lot of Spanish in this movie, but no subtitles, so maybe it is meant for the viewers to relate better to Sara throughout, in an unfamiliar area.

Overall, it is just okay, and would be best seen for the pretty good acting. The plot and ending could have been a bit better.

2 out of 4.

Pornography!

Sex!

Clitoris in the neck!

No, I am not just doing all that to increase traffic. I am hear to talk about Lovelace, the true story of Linda Lovelace, who starred in Deep Throat and helped changed the porno world forever. Kind of.

I also just realized that Lovelace is also the name of the Guru penguin in Happy Feet. Huh, I hope there is no connection.

This Lovelace doesn’t share the same talent. He can’t with that plastic around his neck!

Linda (Amanda Seyfried) USED to be such a sweet little girl. She used to to dance and go to school, and obey her parents! Her parents (Sharon Stone, Robert Patrick), mind you, are the type who would scold her just for sunbathing in a bikini in her own fenced in back yard.

While Go-Go dancing with her friend, Patsy (Juno Temple), they meet up with Chuck (Peter Sarsgaard), who will change her life forever. See, Chuck sees something special in her. He sees a beauty that can go far, do great things, and maybe even make a lot of money. Mmm, money.

After helping slowly tear away her inhibitions, he is even able to make her go down on him, despite her initial embarrassment. Wouldn’t you know it, it turns out that she doesn’t have a gag reflex, and has a unique talent in the industry. I don’t even know why I am being subtle.

Well, they need money, and she gets put into the lead role of an X-Rated feature, Deep Throat. It has comedy and it has something people haven’t really seen before, so it becomes a huge hit, making millions world wide, and catapulting Linda into a spotlight she could never before imagine. But a life of fame is always not something you want, especially if it comes at such high costs. Such as being married to Chuck, an abusive husband who takes all of your money, beats you, and gives you emotional scarring for years with no place to turn to.

Ah yes, the Linda Lovelace story, one of porn, and one of abuse.

Hank Azaria, Bobby Cannavale, and Chris Noth play “industry” people, and James Franco has a small cameo as a much younger Hugh Hefner.

This is all you are getting out of me, you creepy internet people you.

Linda’s story is definitely a sad one. It is a story that should be heard so that women out there no that dangerous things CAN happen, signs to look for, and how to get out of those situations and find the help you need.

Unfortunately, Lovelace seems to almost downplay the amount of abuse she actually receives. I found that portion of the movie to be far too short. It needed to be longer to really experience how a large portion of her life was, before she was finally able to get police intervention. Her story was a powerful enough one to write a book about and have restocking issues due to its popularity.

I think the movie has its heart in the right place, but fails to deliver the right emotions that one should expect from this picture. There are two important parts to this story. Linda’s transformation into a porn icon, and the abuse she took from someone she thought loved her. This definitely seems to care more about the former, and not the latter, which is a shame.

1 out of 4.

I didn’t plan on watching Little Birds, it was right next to the movie I wanted in the store. But that movie was gone, so fuck it, why not. Could be good.

I will admit, I had a huge brain fart when I picked it though. I saw that it had Juno Temple as an actress in the movie, so I of course went, “Ohh, I love Ellen Page!”. Damn that movie Juno confusing me every time.

Come on Juno. You are on the back of a bicycle. Smile like you fucking mean it! The story is mainly about two girls living in Salton Sea, California and they are poor as fuck. Well, decently poor. Lily (Juno Temple) is shown with cut marks around her vagina, clearly there from some attempted suicide. Which her dad totally did. Her mother (Leslie Mann) is doing the best she can, and pretty dang caring, but Lily is super angsty at 15, so she doesn’t care.

Alison (Kay Panabaker) is living with her dad, who is a super alcoholic. She also lost her mom, but to the Cancer. She and Lily are great friends, except Alison actually has a positive enough outlook in life. Because she isn’t a cunt.

Eventually they meet some skater boys, and said see you later town, it wasn’t good enough for them.

Yep, they decided to leave the area, steal Alison’s uncle’s truck, and drive to LA a few hours away to meet the boys. Lily is totally into Jesse (Kyle Gallner), where Alison doesn’t really care for any of them, but gives into peer pressure. The leader of the boys is David (Chris Coy), who is a no good, do nothing. They all are runaways too, living in a not so very safe abandoned apartment.

So why not get into shenanigans? Outside of normal crime and skateboarding. Like setting up dates for Lily with middle aged men to steal their shit when they get back home. Yeah, that can’t go wrong.

It was pretty great living for the boys before Lily/Ali joined them. Well, this is an indie coming of age movie. It turns out most of these are all the same. We have unlikable characters, doing unlikeable things, leading me to not liking the movie. Crazy how that works out.

I wouldn’t say that the acting was bad, just I was incredibly bored by all of it. It took a long long time for the girls to meet the boys and go to LA, where any excitement started to happen. It was a chore to watch Lily bitch the whole film about her life and hate her mom, for no reason at all.

But then when we got to LA, it took awhile still to get exciting. The ending was a bit exciting, but I hate out they ultimately decided to go with the scene. Sure, it was unpredictable, but the predictable ending would have been a lot better and make more sense.

Kay Panabaker was the best part of this movie, although she has yet to be in any movie that I have rated decently. Come on woman, I liked you (ish) in No Ordinary Family. Make your sister proud.

1 out of 4.

There comes a time in Cinematic History where certain movies seem to leap bounds and fountains over the rest of the movies in that year. Unfortunately, these films are not always recognized for their greatness, and therefore never watched, like Little Shop Of Horrors.

In 2009, with such treasures like Avatar, Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs, Twilight: New Moon, and 2012, one film was overlooked. One film was passed on the side of the round (or trampled by the lazy). That film of course, was Year One.

YES. YEAR ONE. LET ME SHOUT ABOUT IT NOW FOR YOU.

No, I won’t actually shout.

This film is set in history, maybe roughly 1 AD, but that is a rough estimate.

In it, we have Zed (Jack Black), a bad hunter, and Oh (Michael Cera), an okay gatherer. Zed is feeling unloved, so he eats from the forbidden fruit tree to gain all the knowledge of good and evil! Well, that goes badly, and they are kicked out of the tribe. Now he will never get it on with Maya (June Diane Raphael), and Oh won’t be able to impress Eema (Juno Temple).

On their travels, they find that the world is actually a much bigger place than they thought. They run into Cain (David Cross) and Abel (Paul Rudd), and things (obviously) escalate from there.

They find themselves on run from an angry village, learn about the wheel, and end up in Sodom and Gomorrah where orgies occur nightly, and lets not forget about the sodomy. They not only join the city guard, but also become trusted slaves and chosen ones of the royalty. Queen Inanna (Olivia Wilde) takes a personal interest in Zed, to figure out just what the priest is up to.

Can the Chosen One and Oh save the day with their now stunning intellect? Or you know, will they just be sacrificed for rain? Also featuring Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Vinnie Jones, and Hank Azaria.

Don’t make that face. Vinnie Jones isn’t that bad.

I am agog, I am aghast, that I took this long to see this film. Especially when I bought it about a year ago and have had no real good reason to avoid it (other than, you know, other movies to watch). But this may not only be the finest movie I have seen with Jack Black, but Michael Cera as well, and he was in Superbad! Shit. That is why I had to move up my review o this movie. Originally it would be in two weeks, sine I am behind on posting current theater movies, but I really couldn’t let another day go by.

One major reason to talk about this movie is David Cross, who probably gives an Oscar worthy performance as Cain. He has to live with the guilt of killing his brother, living a life of sin and sadness, while at the same time, dealing with two primitive numbskulls who don’t understand how “modern” society work. I bet the only reason he was overlooked is because it is a comedy, and outside of Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder, they usually ignore them.

Now I know why she has taken on a lot of bad roles since 2009. She just can’t live up to her past great work in this movie.

Year One reminds me of why I love Olivia Wilde, despite her recent mess ups. What a beautiful creature.

Basically, if you had seen Year One (and statistics show that you probably have not), you would know that every line is an ounce of wit, that popularized Arrested Development back in the day, and currently categories some great comedies like Modern Family and Archer.

Yes, it is historically inaccurate, but that should be a given when it also includes stories from The Bible.

I think I am going to have to forgo going to any future movies until Jack Black and Michael Cera are put in another movie together. Their chemistry (bromance?) seems to have towered over any comedic duo that I have seen before. Yes, even more so than David Spade and Chris Farley.

This movie changed my life in more ways than one (I’d say about four). Hopefully one day it can change your life too.

4 out of 4.