Tag: 3 out of 4

I have set my standards far too high! For most movies that are coming out in theaters, I have been reviewing them the next week. But for Skyfall, I waited two. My bad, I had to watch the previous two as you knew. Not to mention my general Bond apathy, but don’t let anyone here that. Daniel Craig is a scary man, who might come after me.

There is no way I can outrun that shit.

Speaking of running, like all Bond films (maybe?) this one begins with a chase! Bond is in pursuit of some shifty eyed guy, along with another field operative Eve (Naomie Harris). Why? Because that guy was able to get his hands on some data, basically all of the secret agent identities involved with the MI6. Oh jeez, that shouldn’t even be a file! But even worse is that while on a moving train over a river, Eve misses the kill shot and hits Bond instead, causing him to fall to his demise and the bad guy goes free. (She didn’t feel lie re-firing, in shock).

But yeah, Bond being dead screws up some stuff. M (Judi Dench) gets into a lot of trouble with the government. They don’t like secrets being stolen OR dead agents. So Gareth Mallory (Ralph Fiennes) is brought in to help her into retirement and smooth out the transition.

Oh what’s that? Bond isn’t dead? Just hiding out considering retirement? That’s cool. But when his colleagues are getting killed from that list, he reluctantly comes back in to find that man and who is causing all this shit and why. Spoilers? I don’t think so. But Silva (Javier Bardem) is that man, and also a former agent of MI6. He is fed up with their operation, mostly at the way M has treated them. He has felt betrayed at the institution that created him and is looking for redemption. Huh, he is actually pretty similar to Bond when you think about it. Hopefully he isn’t too charismatic.

Don’t fret, we also get a young Q (Ben Whishaw) with “new” and “innovative” gadgets for Bond. Will Bond realize how much of a bitch M has been to them, and get the hell out of Dodge? Also, why not bring up a lot more of Bond’s past as an orphan, those kind of tales are always exciting.

“Tell me more of how no one has ever truly loved you, James.” Silva, while stroking Bond’s hair.

Whoa whoa whoa. I know my selections are limited, but this has to be my favorite Bond movie. Of all time. Ever. Out of the three. So there is that. I also remember a lot of the plot, while in the first two I can’t even remember who played the bad guys. Maybe they just weren’t famous? I can tell you they were not memorable.

Javier Bardem was fucking memorable. So fucking charismatic. His opening scene was one long take/speech and just perfect. Everything he said was so believable, and humorous as well.

Craig also brought his A-game, but I couldn’t help but think of the movie The Mother during some of those scenes with M. If you know what I mean. (You probably don’t, in The Mother, Daniel Craig fucks a grandmother. A lot).

The action was great, the drama was great, and hell, there was even a giant Komodo Dragon (maybe. A lizardologist can correct me later). Bad ass lizards are my favorite.

The final fight scene really put some nice closure on this part of the Bond era, an I believe Craig is signed on for at least two more movies, and I can actually say that I am excited to see them.

The first time I heard about this movie was in the summer. I knew it was based off of an ad found in a paper at someplace in time. What did it say?

Wanted: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. P.O. Box 322, Oakview, CA 93022. You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.

Nice! Turns out it was a joke made by the paper people to fill up some space, but it has built up enough interest that they made up a movie based on that exact plot line. Hooray for screen writers, I guess! Unless Safety Not Guaranteed is not a good movie, then boo screen writers, boo!

The best way to increase safety is to buy a reliable vehicle, with air bags and child locks.

Out in the heartland of Seattle, there exists a magazine. Which one? I don’t remember. But on the magazine, there are workers. Namely, Darius (Aubrey Plaza), a mid 20s girl who has no direction in her life, and just does whatever. But when a Jeff (Jake Johnson) gets the idea to find out the person who wrote the ad and do a story on them, he somehow gets it approved. He gets to bring along two interns, Darius and Arnau (Karan Soni), a biology student just wanting to diversify his resume.

But when they get to the area, they find him quite hard to find. Eventually though tactful spying, they find Kenneth (Mark Duplass), a grocery clerk with a big dream. But he doesn’t trust people. So Jeff fucks up at the start, and Kenneth won’t talk to him. It is up to Darius to pretend to be interested in going back in time (“pretend”) and get close enough to him for information.

But is the man a genius or just crazy? He claims government agents are after him, he wants to go back and prevent the death of a girlfriend, and he swears he has done it before. But no one knows if he is lying.

Plot twist: Romance chance.

With a budget of about 10 dollars, the first thing you might notice is that three of the four main characters are all from current TV shows, that’s nifty. None of which have ever been given a leading role in a movie before. Mark Duplass and Jake Johnson I see in movies, but always as minor characters. Aubrey Plaza has had some slightly better than minor roles in movies, her biggest probably being in Funny People.

I think it is incredible how much they did with really so little. They turned a joke newspaper ad into a story about finding yourself and learning to live. I didn’t think it was rolling on the floor hilarious or anything, but it was definitely enjoyable to watch.

And then there is Cloud Atlas.

What? Don’t like that I kind of just started this review mid thought? Well get used to it, if you want to watch Cloud Atlas. Featuring an all star cast, this movie takes place over time and space, to tell a simple message.

And by simple message, I mean you might have to see this movie multiple times.

Just like they might have to give actors multiple roles. For symbolism!

You might be wondering, “Hey, Gorgon Reviews. What the fuck is going on in this movie? It looks confusing! Do I have to think during my movie time? Is it really 3 hours if you include previews? Fuck that noise.”

Well first off, I don’t know what that last part means.

But hey, I can explain the structure. There are six different settings that the story takes place in. South Pacific, 1869, a lawyer goes to settle a transaction (slavery!), but finds himself extremely sick on the way back home. He befriends a stowaway slave, and must fight the poison.

England, 1936, a young gay musician travels to work for an old and dying composer, becoming an apprentice and making his own work entitled Cloud Atlas.

San Francisco, 1973, a crime story involving a young reporter getting a big scoop that things may not be on the up and up at a new nuclear power plant.

London, 2012, no Olympics. The story of an older publisher who gets into some crime trouble, then forced to live in a retirement home where there is no escape. Yes, this is the more comedic storyline.

Neo Seoul, 2144, a story of a clone who escaped her job and learned to develop feelings, knowledge, and become a god.

Hawaii, 106 years after “The Fall”, a goat herder, haunted by his past, has to work with a technologically superior human to figure out where they all came from.

Get all that? Those are rough descriptions of the eras, that have their stories interweaved throughout the movie, sometime simultaneously. If for some reason you didn’t know yet, all of the characters play multiple roles, some of the bigger ones being Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Hugo Weaving, Jim Broadbent, Jim Stugess, Ben Whishaw, and Doona Bae.

Hell, just to confuse you more, some actors play the same character, just in different times of their life. I’m looking at you James D’Arcy. There are other big names as well, with lesser roles, such as Keith David, David Gyasi, Susan Sarandon, Xun Zhou, and Hugh Grant. I was personally confused by Mr. Grant, as I only noticed one of his roles when I first saw it, and had my brain convince me that Hugo Weaving was doing a REALLY GOOD Hugh Grant impersonation.

Dude. Bro. The Future Bro. Dude.

Like all crazy movies, this one is not without controversy. Namely the Media Action Network for Asian Americans, because yes, some of the white actors were asian characters in Seoul. They complained of eye make up, and that they should have just found some nice asian actors for the role. You know, making one part of the movie completely different from the others because of people playing one role. But because they didn’t care about Doona Bae wearing white ginger make up, or Halle Berry as a white woman, I am calling their complaints racist and turning the table on them. Get out of her guys.

I actually did make a flow chart on my board, mostly as a joke. I’d suggest only looking at it, here, if you have seen it to avoid any spoilers.

The best way to describe this movie is Intense. There is so much going on, so much kind of connected, and so much feeling. When you are done with it, you are left only with feelings. Unfortunately the plot isn’t perfect, there were things I am still confused on today. I could read the book, but ehhh. There are a lot of themes, most of them relatable, but mostly I think it is about the emotions.

Cloud Atlas is going to be a movie that requires multiple viewings to get the full effect out of it, and I am glad The Wachowski Siblings made it, if only for the large mammal sized balls they must possess.

I first saw the preview for Wreck-It Ralph when it premiered for the movie Brave. Unfortunately for Brave, I no longer cared about the Pixar movie I was about to watch, but instead was dreading the 4-5 month wait I’d have to endure before seeing Wreck-It Ralph. As a self described nerd, how could I not immediately think it would be the best thing ever.

Video games! In a movie! Ahh!

CAMEOS. OH GOD THE CAMEOS.

Our story takes place inside of an arcade, in the fictional game Fix-It Felix Jr., clearly a Donkey Kong-esque game. But the antagonist, Ralph (John C. Reilly) is tired of his place in life. He wrecks things like a boss, but he is tired of being the bad guy. The townsfolk and Felix (Jack McBrayer) are still afraid of him, unwilling to let him hang out during their downtime. However, they tell him if he is able to earn a medal on his own, they’d be willing to celebrate with him and treat him better.

You know, an impossible task given he is the bad guy in his game. So he decides to leave his game and temporarily join “Hero’s Duty”, a much newer and advanced FPS game that awards medals for reaching the top of the tower. Turns out games have gotten a lot more violent than they were 30 years ago and he has a few issues. He eventually is able to claim a medal but then finds himself himself in “Sugar Rush”, a candy land racer game, accidentally bringing an alien from the previous game. There he meets a glitch, Vanellope (Sarah Silverman) who is unable to enter the daily races due to the cruel King Candy (Alan Tudyk).

Alien breeding pools, lollipop fields, and Jane Lynch as a futuristic Captain await you in the finale of this game hopping film. But more importantly, can Ralph finish his task and get back to his game before his absence causes it to get unplugged for good?

Wouldn’t it be great if the tiny girls in Sugar Rush were all secretly Barakas?

Before I talk about how awesome this movie is, let me tell you my one real complaint. Sure, there are a lot of video game character cameos in the surge protectors outside of the games, but I am a bit disappointed Ralph only goes to visit two other games. I was expecting at least two more game hopping levels, to maximize the experience for Ralph. They might have done this only to to increase material for future movies (that really aren’t necessary).

But the rest of the movie, wow oh wow. The animators put a lot of effort into the detail of the worlds. There is a lot that goes on in the background, including additional cameos. Despite the large advertisements with Sonic upfront, he is only in a “commercial” in the actual movie. Personally, I thought Zangief was the best cameo in the movie, given that his character felt a bit inspirational with his back story.

I am having a hard time to figuring out if I liked the movie for being good, or just because I grew up with video games. Obviously if you have never really been a fan of video games, I don’t think this is the best movie to watch. But I still think it is an enjoyable enough comedy/action movie that will entertain everyone who sees it, even if they don’t understand every little reference.

Generally I am able to separate the real world from the movie world. I know that I won’t get sucked into a video game, and that I won’t be chased by a serial killer (because hey, why would anyone want to kill me?). But then we have certain movies that say, “I’m gonna to take something you love and make it scary for you, so that you can always think about the fear every time you do that task!” I like to call those movies “jerkfaces”, and that is what Sinister did to me in regards to watching movies. It is probably the same exact thing The Ring dids, but I wouldn’t know because I value my sanity.
Fucking Sinister.

Presumably this is the same thing that happened after The Ring, but fuck if I’m ever gonna watch that.

Our story begins quite creepily with four members of a family being hung from a tree on a very old looking roll of film. Well, now that the mood is set, we introduce the actual new family, moving into a new house with a very familiar looking tree. Great! Ellison Oswalt (Ethan Hawke) is a famous-ish author, who got his big break when he began to write true crime style novels. His book, Kentucky Blood, based on a real murder and his own research actually helped bring a criminal to justice and got him mega bucks!

But he just hasn’t lived up to his former glory since then. His books haven’t been as good and local cops now hate him. But this time, this time he has it! Hell, he actually picked the murder house to live in instead of just being in the same town! The family was murdered (by hanging) and the youngest daughter is now missing. He could be a hero!

After this book he has promised to quit because his wife (Juliet Rylance) is tired of it and his kids (Michal Hall D’Addario, Clare Foley) are tired of moving. Not to mention their son now has night terrors. What a creepy kid.

But when Ellison finds a box in their attic entitled “Home Movies” with reels from the 1960s to 2011, his curiosity gets the best of him and gives them a watch. Each tape begins the same way, a nice family scene, spliced with the murder of said family.  They also all feature the youngest child missing in the murder scenes, hmm.  These series of murders take place all around the country, and with the help of Deputy So-and-So (James Ransone) he might be able to find a connection between them all, and save the day! Or you know, die himself. It is really 50/50 at this point.

Oh yeah, also this shit happening. Fuuuuuck.

This story also is about an ancient pagan demon who steals the souls of children. He also lives in any pictures of himself, including movies, and can move between them and out of them. Great! Movies are now forever ruined for me!

The movies drops enough clues for you to understand everything that is going on, so you should be able to figure it out halfway through. But don’t worry, if you still didn’t get it by the end, it is fully explained to you. Based on the ending, it also looks like this film is a “one-and-done” series. That should excite a lot of you, because it means we won’t soon get flooded with ten sequels to a new original horror movie!

Most of the film is Ethan Hawke walking around his house at night, with so little light, and it is absolutely terrifying. I wish he would have turned on a light more often, but when you are drunk you make poor decisions. I personally felt paralyzed when I watched the screen, afraid that if I moved I might be the next to go. I am disappointed that it did resort on more than one occasion to the sudden pop up scares, most notably at the end of the movie. It could have ended on a classy note, but instead went for one last “boo!”

The best part to me is that this horror movie actually has a plot that is believable enough in the world it created. That means it might actually make you think while you shriek. I’d definitely call Sinister my favorite new horror movie this month, and the one you should watch on Halloween night.

I am surprised at how little Lawless was talked about when it first hit theaters. They didn’t really give away any of the plot, but made it seem like a ganster/western movie of some sort, with some bad ass actors.

And you know, uhh, Shia LaBeouf.

Damn it Shia, what did I tell you about showing up in my movies?

Franklin County, Virgina, early 1900s, prohibition is a bitch. But thankfully this is the wettest county in the world and basically everyone is growing Moonshine, so much that even some gangsters from Chicago are getting their hands wet out here.

The Bondourant brothers are immortal, through legend and talk from their brother Forrest (Tom Hardy). He survived a flu that killed most people who got it, and his other brother Howard (Jason Clarke) was the only surviving member of his platoon in WW1. The youngest brother, Jack (LaBeouf) is the runt of the group and wants to join in on all of the activities but, you know, he is small.

He has big dreams though, and even worships the great gangster Floyd Banner (Gary Oldman), and is hoping to start his own moonshine batch with his weird friend Cricket (Dane DeHaan) who is at least good with tinkering.

Things are going great! That is until some DA Charlie Rakes (Guy Pearce) is brought in, from Chicago, to clean up this moonshine business in the area, even though the local cops don’t care. His style and aura is definitely not welcome, you know, because he wants to arrest them and maybe kill them.

Kill them? Yeah, life is brutal in this time period. People die, lots of people, and it is fucking gruesome. Most people would fear for their lives, you know, if they weren’t immortal (and missing a lot of their brain cells). All while this is going on, Jack is working on seducing a local Amish like chick (Mia Wasikowska) and a former dancer from Chicago is here to work at their restaurant (Jessica Chastain).

Basically a nice quiet life. But with lots of guns and violence.

Despite my best attempts to make the movie seem lame, it was a blast to see. Hardy and Clarke as the older brothers were both unique and brought a lot to their characters, especially Hardy. His low witted self always made me either chuckle or grimace based on what he was doing (or had done to him).

Gary Oldman is barely in this movie, but Guy Pearce definitely plays his own extremely unique character, so much that I couldn’t even remember what Guy Pearce actually looked and sounded like.

But Shia? Well he did a fine job too. Didn’t ruin the movie like I thought he would, but I am disappointed that he was the main character and not Forrest.

I think the movie could have been a bit shorter than what happened though, or even better, just less “down” scenes. The church scene was really odd, and I do’t know why they never really explained what the heck was going on there. There won’t be any sequels to the movie, as the entire story is told, which is a shame. I’d almost want to see more of Forrest and Howard when they were younger and just getting started.

When I first heard about the film Seven Psychopaths, I was definitely excited. This movie is directed by Martin McDonagh, the guy who brought us In Bruges four years ago.

If you haven’t seen In Bruges, you definitely should. It is a dark comedy, and a pretty unique movie experience. But no pressure on McDonagh to recreate the magic of his last movie or anything.

Pictured above: Unique experience.

Marty (Colin Farrell) is a struggling screen writer and now alcoholic. He had some success, but he cant find the motivation for his next film, which is way past its deadline! Plus, his girlfriend is a bitch, maybe. His best friend, Billy (Sam Rockwell), an out of work actor really wants to help him on his new movie called Seven Psychopaths, so he puts an ad in the local paper calling all psychopaths to contact Marty and tell him their story. Ah jeez, thanks.

At the same time, Billy is working with an old friend of his, Hans (Christopher Walken) on a small time dog kidnapping business. Kidnap dogs from rich looking people, wait for them to post a reward, and boom, profit! Hans is working on money to pay for his wife’s cancer treatment (Linda Bright Clay). Unfortunately, they end up kidnapping the wrong man’s dog. Charlie (Woody Harrelson), a high ranking member of the local Italian mob loves his dog more than anything, and will kill anyone in his way to get him back!

Right. While all of that is going on, Marty is getting caught up in these shenanigans while also hearing stories from other psychopaths, such as Zachariah (Tom Waits), a Dexter sort of psychopath, and a pretty pissed off former member of the Vietcong(Long Nguyen). Not only does Marty have to survive the full wrath of the local mob, thanks to his friends attempts to help inspire the screenplay any way possible, but also stop drinking so gosh darn much!

You know where alcohol gets you? In the hospital. That’s the real moral of this whole movie.

If I am going to compare here, I can say that Seven Psychopaths is a bit more crazier than In Bruges, and you’d expect that with a film that had psychopath in the title. Unfortunately for myself, I had the displeasure of sitting behind a woman who cackled at every small amusing thing, ruining a bit of the humor for myself, but I still found it pretty damn funny. This film had large amounts of normal comedy and “dark comedy”, easily willing to make both groups happy (and potentially uncomfortable if you just want comedy). Basically, if you hate death, stay away.

But the person who really made this movie I think was Sam Rockwell, out of all the actors. His character just felt leagues above the rest of the cast, not that they were bad, just no where as near as awesome and crazy as his. He forces you to watch him every time he is on screen.

I think the only thing I didn’t really enjoy was the “movie in a movie” aspect of it. The movie, Seven Psychopaths, is about a guy trying to write a movie called Psychopaths, and very strange movie like circumstances occurring to his life as a result. Don’t get me wrong, the things that occurred were pretty fantastic, I just almost wanted a 100% real movie instead for a higher shenanigan potential. Definitely a great movie to watch with the friends however, with a fun time guaranteed.

Uh oh. Pitch Perfect. A movie with an overload of things I like!

Singing A Capella? Check. Anna Kendrick? Check. Remixes and mash ups? Check! Pseudo-satirical analysis of the college life style and “Gleeks” in the high school crowd? Check mate.

Don’t even get mad glee lovers. Its all just jokes. Jokes and raps.

This movie takes place at the fictional Carolina University. Probably somewhere in North or South Carolina, who knows. There are four main groups on this campus, a madonna group, a pot head group, The Treble Makers, and the Bellas, an all lady group who only sings women songs from before 2000. Kind of lame. But somehow they made it to the national championships, along with the Treble Makers, lead by Bumper (Adam DeVine).

Unfortunately, Aubrey (Anna Camp), the captain of next years squad blows it during their first number and they become a laughing stock. So much that they lose all of their members, except for Aubrey and the second in charge Chloe (Brittany Snow), and have to rebuild from scratch.

Enter Beca (Kendrick). Freshman, doesn’t want to go to college though. She wants to move to LA and become a famous DJ and produce songs! She loves mashing up music on her computer, but her dad and roommate don’t see the point. She also hates singing. But hey, her dad gave her a promise! If she can put forth effort into joining a group and actually giving college a chance, if she still wants to leave after a year, he will move her out to LA himself. Hells yeah!

So she joins the Bellas, who are more ragtag than ever. Yet for whatever reason, Aubrey refuses to take advice from others and makes them do last years set again. Over and over. Every competition. Can’t even spice things up. Unless you count letting Fat Amy (Rebel Wilson) have a solo. They also have a rule of no fraternizing with the Treble Makers. Too bad another Freshman, Jesse (Skylar Astin) has the hots for her and won’t leave her alone. He joined only thanks to the obsession of his roommate, Benji (Ben Platt) who didn’t make the team for being “weird”.

But can the Bellas regain their former glory and win nationals again? Will this just be another stereotypical movie where the ending is obvious, along with relationships? Could John Michael Higgins and Elizabeth Banks be any funnier as commentators of A Capella groups?

Women power! And etc.

I think my favorite character in the movie ended up being Jesse. Why him? Well, he is a guy who really likes movies. Wants to work on soundtracks for them though. Loves the Breakfast Club the most. People who like movies and can sing tend to be awesome people. Just saying, ladies.

After watching Pitch Perfect, I think my biggest complaint is that there wasn’t enough music. I immediately got the soundtrack after I saw the movie, but I was disappointed there wasn’t full versions of some of the songs, and a few of the songs felt a bit more polished than the movie counterparts. You probably wont get the full effect of the movie if you aren’t familiar with a lot of the more popular songs the last couple years, because knowing how a song normally sounds is half of the fun.

Like recognizing the Cups song Anna Kendrick did, seen here, popularized on the internet before hand. Most of the songs and videos appear to be on YouTube, so if that is all you care about, you are set.

But if you want some funny scenes with your a capella songs, some love dialogue, and a few more cameos that I didn’t feel like mentioning, then go see this movie with your friends.

Originally I was going to just ignore Dredd 3D. Hopefully it would go to the cheap theater at some point and I’d watch it then, but $10? It’s probably going to suck. But then something happened. People I knew were liking it. It was weird. The internet liked it. What? Don’t people hate remakes?

I never got to see Judge Dredd, I was like six at that time and it is violent. Hell, I still haven’t seen it. But what I do know about it is the pop culture references, of course. Basically it can be summed up in these 10 seconds for all I care. LAWWWGGHHH!

Yeah, well if anything, this new guy looks like the law.

Dredd 3D is set in…the future! Giant ass cities, so many people. Lot of them live in these big tower things. The police force are now called Judges, because they will find criminals and carry out the sentencing on the spot, and all of it gets recorded. It is just what has to be done with this many people. Too bad only some small percent of reported murders even get investigated by the Judges, they are so busy.

Who is the judgiest judge of them all? Judge Dredd (Karl Urban. Who is also a Doctor, sometimes). He knows all the rules, all the tactics, and is a bad ass motherfucker, more or less. He has no remorse, and will sentence without a care. Definitely won’t ever remove his helmet. But he is asked to train a rookie, Anderson (Olivia Thirby) who is also a psychic. Yeah, one of those mutants, who lucked out and got a useful transformation instead of an extra hand out of her stomach.

So yeah, she suggests a place to go. These three guys got skinned and fell about 30 stories. Could have been worse, could have been from the top, 200 stories up! They investigate, turn it into a drug bust. New “Gang” is in the area, lead by a Ma-ma (Lena Headey), who took over the entire complex. Hell, turns out they have a new drug that is hitting the market strong. Basically it makes your body feel like life is in slow motion. Kind of awesome. But one of the people she takes from the bust, Kay (Wood Harris), she can tell killed the people directly. He might even know the entire working operation of the drug place, meaning if he gets interrogated, he might spill the beans. Can’t have that happen.

So Ma-Ma does what everyone does. Gets the weird Technie (Domhnall Gleeson) to lock down the building completely, and shut off communication, and tell the residents to kill the Judges. Can they get out alive, and you know, actually still obey the law?

She has no helmet eh? Well that makes things easier. You know, shooting her in the head.

Wait a second. People trapped in a living complex, and wanting to take down the leader with the whole building trying to kill him? That unfortunately sounds familiar. If you read my reviews a month ago, it would sound like The Raid: Redemption. That really is unfortunate!

These movies were probably being made around the same time, so the similar plots were not intentional. Just ruined the awesomeness of this one.

Karl Urban? Wow, what a Judge Dredd. Obviously the best I have seen, but he kicked a lot of ass, and I was cheering him on. Never removed his hat, so really couldn’t tell it was him, but he made that character awesome.

How about the 3D? Well, I can say don’t watch this movie in 2D. I think the reason for the drugs was just to see that shit in 3D and make some super slow motion deaths. But it worked. It was killing porn, basically, and looked amazing. Plot not the best, but the twists and turns were fun to watch. Definitely see this bad boy either in theaters, or your 50 inch blu ray 3D TV.

My first thought when I heard of The Cabin in the Woods was of course, Evil Dead.

What? Evil Dead?

Yes. If you were awesome, you’d know why too. Not to like, immediately insult most of my readers or anything.

Why yes, yes that is Thor sitting on the chair.

Woo, trip to the woods! We got Curt (Chris Hemsworth) and his girlfriend Jules (Anna Hutchison) who just died her hair blonde! We also got a stoner, Marty (Fran Kranz, who you may remember from Dollhouse). On this weekend retreat, they really want to hook up their friend Dana (Kristen Connolly) with this new guy, who is also athletic, Holden (Jesse Williams).

Things are weird there though.

What else do we got? We got some scientists, kind of! Two head guys (Richard Jenkins, Bradley Whitford) talking confusing stuff about how the Netherlands and Sweden. They are being bugged by an assistant (Amy Acker) and have a new guard for their door (Brian White) who doesn’t want to be there.

And that is all you get, fuck you!

Well, they at least look like scientists. The validity of their science is another thing.

Pissed off at the shitty plot outline? Well good. Then you can go watch it and see what is up.

Never have I personally seen a more polarizing film amongst my friends, who all mostly got to see it before me it feels like. I didn’t see anyone say it was okay. It was purely a love or hate affair, which intrigued me. What does that usually mean? It means the film is either artsy, or weird. This one I would definitely describe on the weird side of cinema.

It just goes against the grain of what you expect, and rustles some of your jimmies doing so. Personally, I had a good time watching it. Wasn’t perfect. But super weird. So just give it a shot, and well, don’t get too upset when weird stuff happens.