Tag: Drama

Hey look. Another movie about a book I have not heard of!

The River Why is a simple movie. It asks the question, Why? It, being the river.

I wish this was about a large moving stream that spoke to the main character, much like a 5 year old child would speak to anyone.

“Why?…Why?…Why? Why? WHY? WHY? WHY?”

The story is of a fishing prodigy, Zach Gilford, who grew up in a fishing household. His dad, William Hurt, a famous fly fisher, and his mom, some lame worm fisher.

Once he leaves home due to tension at home, he lives on his own in the woods, with the ideal schedule of sleep, eat, fish. All day every day. Soon he meets Amber Heard, some crazy environmentalist lady being all naked and fishing in a lame way, and his life begins to change.

This is actually a coming of age story, with a bunch of fishing in it. Despite rising to a small amount of fame, eventually the guy finds out there is more to life than just fishing. It also comes with some philosophical backings, with the people he meets along the way.

It may or may not end with a big/long catch. Just sayin’.

It is a slow movie, but decent. I of course know nothing about fishing, because I am not a wild man in the woods (yet!) and I think I learned nothing about fishing in the movie. Fly fishing still confuses me with what they actually do. But damn it, it was kind of interesting.

When I first saw the trailer for The Wolfman, I assumed it would be like all of the old werewolf movies, with nothing really new behind it.

Then I realized I hadn’t really seen any actual older werewolf movies, just a bunch of dumb cheesy ones. Looks like I should give the Wolfman a try!

Alright, so maybe my only werewolf movies are Underworld, Van Helsing, and Harry Potter 3. Sue me.
And yes, I will ignore that other one I just reviewed.

The movie stars Benicio Del Toro, a Shakespearean actor who is sent back to his home for his brothers funeral. Some people think it is from the trained dancing bear that the gypsies had (err) and others think a Werewolf (equally implausible, I guess). Wanting to get some answers himself, he goes to the gypsy camp where he is of course hurt by a werewolf, gaining its curse. Now he has to both try and live with his curse, and try to stop the man who killed his brother. His dad is played by Anthony Hopkins, his brother’s lover is Emily Blunt, and Huge Friggan Weaving busts out the mutton chops for a detective role.

The acting in this movie is fantastic. While watching it though I had no idea why a werewolf would go on a crazy rage killing spree. I always figured it was just for food, but it seemed like the werewolves were killing just for killing sake. It could also be explained by people shooting at them, but eh. Who knows.

The special effects and make up were pretty top notch. Makes sense that the film won best make up. I loved the scenery and music too. Not to mention Hugo’s mutton chops.

But overall I thought it was still lacking. Maybe it was the ending, wasn’t my favorite. Didn’t care about the main dude that much either. Probably because I am heartless, but he went for his brothers widow pretty damn quick. Predictable stuff happened also. But the asylum was also pretty damn cool. But still lacking.

Did I mention Hugo’s mutton chops yet? They’re kind of a big deal.

Jeff Bridges is a great fucking actor.

Did you know that? Even in the shitty movies, he is the best part.

His computer generated self however is not as good as the real thing.

True Grit is not a remake of the other movie. It is based off of the book, just like the first movie. I know some people who refuse to watch it because its a remake of a “John Wayne movie”, but that is wrong.

The main star is actually Hailee Steinfeld, a young girl who is out to get the man who murdered her father. She hires Bridges, a ranger, to find him for a fee. She also lets Matt Damon know, who is already looking for the same man. The man played by Josh Brolin.

So the movie is about the search for the murderer, normally a mans game, but including the addition of a spunky little girl, who knows what she wants.

Right now she wants buckets of water.

So all the acting is fantastic in this movie. I am not sure why Hailee was nominated for best supporting actress. She is NOT a supporting actress in this movie, she is a main actress. She should have been nominated for Best, and beaten Natalie Portman for it. I bet its some bullshit age / first time reasons for the choice.

The Coen Brothers have been trying to perfect their “Western” movies for awhile, and they have done so with True Grit.

I have found writing this review very hard. Not because I don’t have a lot to say, I have tons. I just…don’t know how to say it. So it will probably seem to be a dumb review overall, which is unfortunate for such a great movie.

The Illusionist should not be confused with the Edward Norton movie of the same name. It is an animated french film, that takes place in Scotland. Aside from being animated, 95% of the film is silent speaking wise, focusing more on music and pantomime. The speaking that does take place in the movie is French or Gibberish, or both. I am not entirely sure.

To call this a simple film is an understatement. The animation gives an old vibe to it, but it is beautiful at the same time. It is like the background of an old cartoon, where everything is kind of faded, but you know what is about to be interacted with as it has a different glow to it. Except in this movie, the background and people all seem to be the same.

Your face is all the same.

The story tells of an old Illusionist who is traveling across Scotland, performing simple parlor tricks for money just to travel on further. Eventually he meets a young girl at a Parlor, who believes his magic tricks to be real and follows him on his journey. She lives with him in some city while he gets an agent and a local gig at a theater. The relationship with the girl is like a father/daughter thing, not something creepy, jerks. The remainder of the story shows as he tries to make it through his life with magic, in a world that doesn’t seem to care anymore.

The film itself is pretty short, ending right under 80 minutes. To me it went by very quick, and I was surprised as it was about to end. The ending scenes were very sad, possibly depressing, but “real”. I had no idea I was going to, but I definitely shed tears, seemingly out of no where.

There is only a few characters, but it is interesting how they all change in such a simple animated movie. I went from confused about the girl, to upset, to angry, to confused. There is some other performers here too, a trio of acrobats, a ventriloquist, and an old clown. I cannot say I know anything about the original author of the movie, just that I know it is some 50 year old script that finally got produced. It was a pretty famous French dude.

Finally, the bunny. The Illusionist has a pet bunny, and from the animation style point, I think its the cutest bunny I have ever seen. The way it runs around, gets irritated. Every time it was in a scene, an instant “awww’ would just fill my head.

Look at him squirm. Don’t you just want to hug it? If I could, I would own a bunny like that. Too bad animations can’t exist in our 3D world. Yet.

I found this movie to be incredibly touching, and that is without knowing the probable dozens of hidden messages throughout, that the original script writer was probably trying to deduce. If you ever get a chance, you should just definitely give it a try. It went up against Toy Story 3 and How To Train Your Dragon for Best Animated Picture, and after seeing all three, I fully believe this should have won.

Water For Elephants is based off of a book of the same name. In fact, a year ago I almost read that book! But when I realized that the only people I knew who read it were women, I decided to investigate more. Last thing I wanted to do was read a romance novel, yeuch! But by doing research, I found out that a movie was happening, so like a real American, I decided to watch the movie instead of read the book.

I thought the movie would be two hours of this. A sequel to African Cats.

Instead, much to my delight, this movie stars an older and more rugged Robert Pattison (or Edward Cullen). Seriously, the look he has almost reminds me of how Leonardo DiCaprio looks now, post Titanic. Dude might be a star yet.

In the movie, Edward Cullen just wants to be a Vet. Almost graduated from Cornell, but left college once both of his parents died. No longer wealthy (turns out the dad was scammin’), he runs away, and gets picked up by a circus! Starting out as hard laborer, once they find out about his college schooling, he becomes a vet for the horses and elephant. He also falls in love with Reese Witherspoon, who is married to the head honcho, Christoph Waltz.

So. The whole movie deals with life as a Carnie in the early 1900s. You get to see animal abuse, shady tactics, and a lot of people getting beat up. An absurd amount almost. I think my favorite role was Waltz as the owner. Really good acting there. Cullen still was kind of just the pretty boy savior role. There was also a small role for Paul Schneider at the beginning and end of the movie. Who, if you watch Parks and Rec, know he is the coolest guy around.

Mark Brendanawicz! Well. Cool until season 3+. We don’t talk about that though.

Overall, the story was very simple and pretty guessable. Some good acting, but mostly just normal expected stuff. I am watching the credits now, they are doing a very classic take on it, weirding me out. It was kind of good, kind of alright.

I will admit, there is a definite reason I wanted to see this movie. In case you didn’t know, this movie is absolutely slathered with Anne Hathaway boobies. It seems she is naked for at least half the movie. Because her and Jake Gyllenhaal get it on, a lot. That is the Love part of Love and Other Drugs.

“Ohhh! Ohh ohh”

The story begins with Jake getting fired from the electronics store, for inappropriate sexy time at work. His whole family thinks he needs to get his act together, so he becomes trained to become a pharmaceutical rep. This move also takes place early 90s! His partner is Oliver Platt, and he wants them to do good so they can move up the chain and make the mad money in Chicago. But he just cannot sell his depression/anxiety medicine at all to anyone, no matter how many secretaries he flirts with!

But then something that changes the way we lived happens. Viagra. Selling Viagra, he becomes the hottest pharmaceutical rep, ever! Even doctors like Hank Azaria can’t get enough it. It makes them popular at parties. (Because women love that dick?). Oh yeah, and by this time his brother Josh Gad is living with him, unsuccessful and a loser.

He would later go on to be a successful Mormon missionary in Uganda though, so don’t worry.

Oh yeah, thanks to his job, he “accidentally” sees Anne Hathaway naked and they begin a very sexy relationship. Involving a lot of sex. Because they couldn’t have sex that much when they tried to the last movie they were in together, because Jake G was gay for Heath Ledger.

So, the movie is about their relationships, and him being successful, and her having Parkinson’s, and lots of stuff. But I loved it. The relationship felt very real between the two, and it was a realer relationship than most movies would present. The ending was sweet too. Not like sweet ass sweet, but awww sweet.

Hey look, a movie based off a Nicholas Sparks novel that was made a whole year before the movie. Are all of his books just turning into instant movie bait?

Probably. What I also learned about The Last Song is that apparently NC was supposed to host the filming crew, but voters turned it down, so they went to the magical land of Georgia.

Those lawyers must be magical to convince the citizens to provide those kind of tax breaks!

The story stars angsty teen Miley Cyrus and her younger brother, having to atrocious task of living with their dad for the summer in Georgia. Years earlier their parents got divorced. Her dad, Greg Kinnear, used to be a Juliard piano teacher and taught Miley all she knows. She even got accepted to Juliard, but hates her dad over the divorce and refuses to go next year. The brother however was by far my favorite part of the movie. I think he is supposed to be around 10, but he had some of the best lines as he is way smarter than any kid should be.

There is also a love interest in Georgia, played by some nobody Liam Hemsworth. It is ludicrous for him trying to woo Miley. Her character is way too annoying / moody towards him, always going off and on. No way is she that “unique” for him to do that. Probably just trying to get back at his rich parents.

Spoilers? Doubtful. The story is of course how the dad has some late stages of Cancer and actually wanted to spend some time with the kids before he gets all sick and dies. So the story is of course Miley learning of this, and dealing with it, trying to reconnect with the father she grew to hate and also learn to love the piano again.

The story is pretty much expected. The ending goes as expected as well. Everything falls into their neatly packaged pieces. Sure it is kind of sad, but Miley is not a great actress yet. She kept making faces that were supposed to be sad? But just seemed to look goofy.

“Oh, she’s just bein Miley.“

Despite the absolutely nothing new aspects of it, it was still overall okay. Lets say because the little brother kicked some ass.

Hooray Hooray Hooray! This is the 150th movie review on the site. This seems like a special occasion (more special than 100th Review) so I will include way too many pictures as a way of celebrating.

Twilight is a “vampire” themed Romance Drama thing (some people may call it a “Chick Flick” even) based off some book of the same name. So anything that the book tells me that the movie does not tell me I don’t know. Like I don’t know if Kristen Stewart is actually supposed to be so freakishly pale (which characters in the movie allude too. So probably).

If you glare long enough, you might be able to make out her face.

Cedric Diggory plays the main vampire role, and is super gross. Dude almost threw up when he first saw Bella. Not to mention his foster brothers/sisters, also all creepy and dating each other. Leaves him all alone. Girls want him, like Anna Kendrick, but he is too cool for them. They aren’t pale enough.

He also likes those Asian types.

Anyways, despite Cedric telling Bella that he is super predatoring her, and that she can’t help but fall under his charm, she still thinks she loves him. That is ridiculous.

“You are under an aura spell so I can kill you. But I wont.” “Fuck that, this is LOVE!”

After the long drawn out opening, after they all of the sudden love each other, the rest of the movie feels like it is just him slowly explaining to her what being a vampire in this world is like. They pick some place Oregon cause it is dreary as fuck, cloudy and rainy, so not much direct sunlight to make them shine. Also, I think about 4/5 of this movie takes place in the woods. They always run out to the damn woods. It got pretty annoying, cause the woods are cloudy/dreary too. No pretty scenery is in this movie at all.

Also, for some reason the clouds/fog make sexy shapes.

The ending felt super rushed. But before that. BASEBALL? WHAT? That was one of the strangest scenes ever in a movie. “Hey its thunderstorming so we can play baseball, if we time our swings with the thunder booms and do ridiculous super human strength stuff”. No one seemed to ever miss, making pitching stupid. Also I don’t think anyone scored a point.

WHAT? Baseball?!

After baseball, the ending began. Everything was super rushed. I just said that. All of the sudden, snarly mcsnarl vampire loner wanted to get Bella, and she had to run, because he wouldn’t stop. So they drive to Phoenix. And then confront him. Weird fight later. Bella almost dies. Cedric saves her. Go to prom. Dance. The end.

Yay prom.

NO ITS NOT REALLY THE END. Some random girl spied on them dancing? Also, I have no idea why Cedric hated Taylor Lautner so much. Maybe its because he isn’t really an Indian? Lautner seemed to hate him back though. They never explain why in this movie, which is just silly. What is there more movies coming? It probably has to do with his hair.

No wonder “Team Jacob” chants didn’t start with this movie.

Overall the movie was as cheesy as I thought it would be. I don’t see how anyone could “fall” for the Cedric Diggory character. Kristen Stewart was annoying as a longer. Whats up Anna Kendrick. Taylor Lautner creeped me out. Then more drawn out parts. Yeah.

Originally I didn’t see Cracks as a movie that was coming out soon, and would have never even noticed it. But because Marry Me turned out to be a fake movie (a lifetime mini-series? fuck that), I had an open spot and stumbled upon this one!

Three fiances, Lucy Liu? I am calling whore on this.

Anyways, this is an independent “foreign” film, British, and based off of a book of the same name. I’d link you to the wiki, wiki has neither the book or author as a page. Hmmm. Seems not too popular.

It tells of an all girls boarding school, presumably high school level. Or I hope at least. I know what you’re thinking: All girl boarding school? Sounds like Lesbian central. Well, yeah. Felt like it to me at least. Even had an awkward (because they are supposed to be high school girls (I think)) scene where the big group went skinny dipping. Not actually, but portrayed as young titties anyone? The group of girls is a HS dive team, taught by the cool younger hip teacher. But a girl from Spain transfers over, far from her family, and is an excellent diver.

Kind of excellent at everything. Makes the other girls hate her. Jealousy! She gets attention! She is better than them! She should be punished!

The bad part of this movie is that the beginning is too slow. Sure, things happen, most of which are important, but they are at a slow more natural pace. Roughly 70 minutes in, out of 100, is where the real crazy shit happens. That last half hour is very much a series of OH SHIT moments, none of which I will tell you about. You might be able to guess everything that happens, from the earlier clues, but man is it intense.

The teacher is played by Eva Green who has done some things. Most recently she is Morgan in the new Camelot series.

So overall, great ending! Beginning far too slow. Good. Interesting. But still kind of slow. The British must think that Lesbian schools take awhile to get used to.

Yep. Lesbians. All of them.

A Little Help stars Jenna Fischer, our favorite secretary from The Office, in what may be her first lead role in a movie ever. I assume all her other roles were of the supporting variety.

Jenna Fischer is to Films as Entourages are to Rappers, normally.

In the story, all Jenna wants is a little help. She is in a rough marriage, and raising an 12 or so year old son. The son is an ass. The first scene with him makes you go confused. He sounds smart, but it is really just talking older than he should, in a bad way. Her husband dies very early in the movie, and her sister forces her to see a lawyer about malpractice. She has to tell a little lie in order to make the law suit work, despite not wanting to. Similarly, she agrees to let her son tell a little lie in order to help him fit in at his new school.

I think the moral is, little lies can lead to big lies. Don’t lie!

Overall the movie is just her trying to have her son love her, and you know, fight less. Fight less with her son, her other family members, her neighbor, etc. So you will just be watching a series of small, bad decisions. Some parts are funny, but overall I found the ending pretty sad (if not unfinished). One intense scene in particular involved a nice yelling match with her son, she really pulled off the crazy factor.

Chris O’Donnell played the husband, for only a short bit though. The only other actor I recognized, and that is even with trying to forget his other big famous role.

I could be more subtle, but why?

I pretty much am not saying anything in this review I feel like. So, some parts are decent, some are okay, lot of awkwardness with the yelling and lying, disappointing ending.