Category: Uncategorized

The Midnight Meat Train.

What a title!

I picked this movie up expecting it to be some sketch bloody B-Horror film, that never gained any ground. Much to my surprise, I find there are actually some famous actors in this one. Whoa.

So what happened to this film? This seems like something that would have made theaters, or at least been noticed by someone. Oh well.

Never mind. Brad was in a lot of questionable movies before The Hangover.

Leon (Bradley Cooper) is a vegan. Ew!

He is also a photographer, just an okay one. He wants to take pictures of criminal activity, he just is kind of a coward and runs away before anything goes down. But he is determined. Well, he runs into a model who is getting mugged, and his mere presence saves her! Yay! Too bad the next morning she goes missing anyways. Interesting. He goes to the police (Barbara Eve Harris) but nothing comes out of it.

But yeah, she totally got butchered while on the train. The midnight meat train. Some dude just rides it late a night, and the train goes into a mysterious path, and this guy (Vinnie Jones), totally takes em out with one of those meat tenderizers. Aw yeah. Secret shit.

Well, through investigative journalism, he actually finds this butcher guy and follows him, pretty sure he has something to do with these disappearances. He also thinks he is over 100 years old.

Err… Okay, now you are crazy. Needless to say, his woman (Leslie Bibb) and her friend (Peter Jacobson) don’t believe him. But maybe, just maybe, Leon isn’t thinking crazy enough.

Oh I get it. It is even more awkward cause of his veganism.

Well shit, this was more than just a B movie. Not only that, but when I tweeted about watching it, I got positive response from others. What in the hell is going on?

For one, the death scenes by this butcher on the train, even if you see them coming, are pretty brutal. Having skinned humans dangling on a train is pretty brutal as well. Turns out this is based on a short story by Clive Barker from the 1980s, so it actually has its foot in the horror door. On its own, I wouldn’t consider any part of this movie “Scary,” just gory at times and a little unsettling but never scary.

Besides that, this movie is also a decent mystery. What the fuck is going on in that train? Is that guy 100 years old? Why the fuck doesn’t anyone care about large amounts of missing people?

I like the answers they gave, and the movie ended really well. Bad things happen, like they should in a horror, and the plot made sense? Holy crap, why has no one told me about this movie?

3 out of 4.

I might have heard of Valhalla Rising a few years ago. Those two words I definitely know exist, so I think I knew this movie existed.

But it wasn’t until it was requested by a friend and found on Netflix did I actually finally get around to it. Here is my knowledge going into it: Violent violent violent!

What? This doesn’t look violent at all!

Valhalla Rising is told in six parts: Wrath, Silent Warrior, Men Of God, The Holy Land, Hell, and The Sacrifice.

Really, that by itself probably serves as an adequate plot outline. Just imagine those sections and vikings and your probably get the whole movie.

Our story is about One Eye (Mads Mikkelsen), the only character who really gets a name. He has one eye, because the other got slashed away. He is also mute. But he is a bad ass warrior. But a prisoner, until he was able to escape and kill his captors. One Eye wants to head home, and won’t let anyone get in his way. What about The Boy (Maarten Stevenson), who fed him as a slave? He can follow, sure. Why not.

Eventually they meet up with some Crusaders, journeying to Jerusalem. Free boat ride.

Oh, yeah, One Eye totally has visions too of the future, and has been using that to decide which path to take, as his visions continue to come true.

Valhalla Rising: Norse and Christian spirituality, combined with violence.

Based on the earlier description, this film is way different than I imagined. In fact, it reminded me of another film I watched recently. Only God Forgives.

Shit. It is Nicholas Winding Refn, the same director of that and Drive. Basically, he has shown to make movies many would consider very violent (but this one didn’t feel that bad), while also avoiding names, having high levels of cinemetography, and slower parts to really draw out certain emotions and feelings.

Basically, it could be hard to watch. You won’t get to simply half ass watching it, or else you won’t get anything out there. Yes, some of the fights and conflicts are violent, but they are not the main focus of this story. It is kind of a story of redemption, but not really, of one mysterious figure.

I think too much of this story is left up to the viewer, and not a lot happens besides it. It bugs the shit out of me. Yes it is pretty, and yes the acting is decent, but not enough happens.

Overall, I liked it more than Only God Forgives, because I understand this one more, but not as good as Drive. It’s on netflix, might be worthy of a watch. It is okay overall, just…I thought it could have been more entertaining in the long run.

2 out of 4.

Movies based on true events are always a tricky endeavor, especially if those events are within the last few years. If they are based on a single person, who happens to be alive, then it can get all sorts of awkward.

Julian Assange, the founder of Wikileaks is currently living in the Ecuadorian Assembly in London. If he ever leaves, London is going to send him off to Sweden for what he claims are bogus charges, who are then going to send him back to the US for all sorts of “War crimes.” If you never heard his name, and don’t know who he is, then The Fifth Estate is probably the movie for you!

I wouldn’t describe this as a thinking movie, but there are a lot of thinking scenes.

Despite being about Julian Assange (Benedict Cumberbatch), this film is told from the perspective of Daniel Berg (Daniel Bruhl, who was also just in Rush). Daniel started to work with Julian in 2007, drawn into the idea of Wikileaks, which was a way for whistle blowers to anonymously report wrong doings and keep their identity secret so that they can not face repercussions.

A nice idea. They want to make the world more transparent, allow everyone to have secret information, and protect those that give that information. But what if WikiLeaks becomes more about Julian Assange than the original message? What if they don’t care about protecting lives anymore?

It should be noted that the movie is based on two books that came out in 2011, one written by Daniel, who was no longer with the company, both with a negative bias towards Wikileaks. Because of that, it is hard to say how much of the events in this film are accurate in their portrayal.

Despite their now aggressive relationship with each other, we get to see into the workings of the early years of Wikileaks, their volunteer army, their expansion of servers across Europe, their battle against banks and in the courts for free speech and some of their biggest scoops. It also tells the story up to including the famous Afghan War Diary, its biggest scoop, that was taken from the government by Bradley Manning.

As far as other actors, I guess they are important enough to mention. Laura Linney, Anthony Mackie, and Stanley Tucci all play various US Government employees, Lydia Leonard and Moritz Bleibtreu (from Run Lola Run / In July fame!) play other members of Wikileaks, and David Thewlis the main reporter for The Guardian who is covering Wikileaks.

Bunch of lookers too, but not in the way that phrase normally means.

Needless to say, Julian has gone on record to say he doesn’t agree with his own betrayal in this movie, calls it one sided and a smear campaign against Wikileaks. He has at least one point going for him: If powerful organizations want to discredit Wikileaks and cause it to lose trust in citizens of the world, then discrediting Julian as a bad person is one way to go about it. They mention it in the movie, and he says it in real life a lot.

In fact, the ending of the film is Benedict recreating an interview that was done with Julian, about his thoughts on the film. Sure, it made the movie end weirdly, but encouraged the viewer to do their own research on the subject. Kind of meta, kind of cool.

Of course, Julian also hasn’t seen the film, just read several scripts, so I can’t take his word completely either.

The Fifth Estate definitely makes Julian look like a dick, but also a guy who more or less has his heart in the right place. He wants to make the world a better place, but at the same time he is only human.

I think the main problem with this film is they made this story far too melodramatic that it almost made it seem either over the top, or just no longer real. The film even comes complete with “visual metaphors” because making movies about the internet and data is pretty hard without making it look silly. So there are many scenes of a warehouse, almost infinite in size, with desks and computers showing the Wikileaks army at work. What I am getting at is they still end up just looking silly.

Benedict did an excellent job at acting as always, really doing his best to imitate Julian and also seems to be a fan of the man from interviews. There is a documentary coming out eventually, We Steal Secrets: The Story of WikiLeaks, which may give a more accurate portrayal of events. But until then, we are only left with this okay melodrama, about a man and his website.

2 out of 4.

This may not be a popular opinion, but I am willing to say it: The original Carrie is not that scary of a movie. Or at least it isn’t scary anymore.

When it first came out it was probably shocking, sure. Part of the reason it would have been terrifying is not knowing the bloodbath that would occur at the end of the film. There was no internet, spoilers didn’t run rampant, people could watch it and actually see something new.

You’d be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t know how the original Carrie ends. They might not know the finite details or how it occurs, but they know blood gets dumped on a poor girl, who then takes out a school who bullied her.

So why bother with a Carrie remake in 2013? The only real reason is to either change the story so that audiences won’t see the ending coming or ramp up the creepy details to a new notch in order to make it more of a horror film. You know, give us a different reason to remember her name.

“How do we make Julie look crazy?” “I don’t know…frazzle her hair a little bit!”

Carrie (Chloe Grace Moretz) came from humble beginnings. She used to be home-schooled, but the state of Maine intervened and forced her to go to public school. Not sure why. Her mom (Julianne Moore) was a perfectly adept teacher. She taught Carrie about Jesus, God, and she even gave her a nice tiny prayer closet under the stairs to “study” in.

Despite the fact that she is a senior in high school, she gets her period for the first time in gym class. Must be Satan at work in her loins. The other girls find her fear amusing, make fun of her, and promptly get in trouble by the gym teacher (Judy Greer). They have two options, put up with a week of grueling physical activity, or get suspended and miss prom. Clearly neither option is ideal, and it must be Carrie’s fault putting these girls in that situation.

Which is why the mean girl (Portia Doubleday) and her boyfriend (Alex Russell) do the whole dump pigs blood on her head at prom thing. That’ll show her.

That’ll show everyone.

Gabriella Wilde plays the nice “mean girl,” and Ansel Elgort her boyfriend.

Huh, she looks cute in red. Really, the reason anyone came to see this movie was to watch the prom scene and see the path of destruction that Carrie would lay in her wake. The rest of the film could be boring, but as long as the prom scene is excellent, the director will have delivered. The prom scene is longer in this version, there are more creative deaths with less hoses, and there is more destruction outside of the school, but miraculously a lower overall body count. Huh.

Basically, this film is identical to the 70’s version in terms of…well most things. Even the dialogue is basically the same, minus the upgrades in time/technology.

The few things that are changed are who lives and dies at the end, one other “twist”, and making the mother a bit of a masochist. Okay, a huge masochist, she loves that self infliction stuff. Basically their attempt at making the film a bit more creepy throughout.

Overall, I would say that this film was a bit disappointing in that it was made so similar to the first film (and maybe the book, no idea on their closeness). It really doesn’t add anything new to the mythology, and was made to upgrade a film literally everyone already knows the plot about. I hated most of the no name actors, but surprisingly I enjoyed Ansel Elgort as the nice boyfriend. He was so good at being kind to a weird red headed girl.

If you are looking for scary movies in theater for Halloween, unfortunately Carrie is your only hope. Somehow, this is the only horror movie the entire month.

2 out of 4.

I only saw the trailer for The Spectacular Now once, but I knew immediately I just had to see it. So many reasons really, but I could tell ahead of time it might be something that I would enjoy.

Damn it, now my bias is showing. I am so embarrassed.

Not as embarrassed as these two when they realize that car is rolling down hill.

Teenage romance. A typical film plot line, but maybe not so typical in this film.

We have Sutter (Miles Teller), life of the party, everyone’s favorite joker, he lives in the NOW. Oh hey, movie title. He could apply to college, but that can happen later. Not like college is anything special. His girlfriend Cassidy (Brie Larson) was one of a kind, and everyone loved them and they loved each other. Until his easy goingness got him in trouble and she dumped his ass, this time for good.

So Sutter does what Sutter does best. He drinks away his problems, and has the night of his life, maybe. He passed out, waking up on a lawn thanks to Aimee (Shailene Woodley) with his car no where in sight. Also, who the fuck is Aimee?

Some girl in his grade, he doesn’t really know her, but she knows him. Life of the party. Well, Sutter is on the rebound, and thinks he is a nice guy, so he starts to hang out with her and invite her to things. But that dang alcohol keeps going down into his stomach, so next thing you know, he has kissed her and invited her to prom. Did I mention he still kind of likes Cassidy still? Yeah, he is a jerk.

Broken homes, broken dreams, Sutter has a lot of growing up to do. He is going to be eighteen soon, and his life needs to change for the better before it is too late.

His family is played by Jennifer Jason Leigh, mother, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, older sister, and Kyle Chandler, missing father. Shit, even Bob Odenkirk is in this movie, but just a little bit.

Huh, I wonder if she made her prom dress out of the same material of that shirt? Or I guess she really likes yellow.

Ughhh. Fucking movies these days going for realism. A different amount of realism than they were back in the day. Back in the day, actors might have mumbled their lines, or messed up their words, and they would keep them in the take, because that shit is natural. That doesn’t happen as much anymore.

No, this is realism in a different way. I am sure each take took multiple times, but more ad libbing or something is now allowable for these actors. There is no way a lot of these dialogue scenes were read word for word, it just can’t be true. They flow really well and they all seem like things people of that age would say. I know its hard to understand, but it is hard to explain. I smiled throughout the film, due to the realism of the characters and the dialogue.

The film shows drinking in a negative light, but they also explain why the drinking happens, and you don’t hate the main character, you feel sorry for him, and you understand. Until he is a dick to Aimee, no, then you hate him again. So much rage.

The film doesn’t follow the standard path films of this description tend to take. There are some obvious moments, but there are other moments that come out of no where, like a bus from Mean Girls. The acting by our leads was fantastic, and I was also impressed with Kyle Chandler in his smaller role. Shit. It had a lot of stuff going for it. I am worried I might start thinking Miles Teller is a real actor now.

4 out of 4.

Arnold Schwarzenegger must be living a good life. Look at how he has aged, fantastically. He is a fit guy, he was Governor (of a now failing state), and now he has all this free time for chilling, making movies, and spending loads of cash.

Because of that, I have decided to talk about Escape Plan from the point of view of Arnold, not the actual main guy in the movie. That’s right. Fuck the police.

I am mostly doing this because I love his beard in this movie.

Rottmayer (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is current locked up in a beyond illegal prison somewhere in the world. He really doesn’t know. But the prison is not your standard prison. They live in glass boxes, and they are suspended along stair cases, not in a normal rows and columns. There are a plethora of armed guards, who all wear masks so that they are not identifiable. Their isolation rooms are tiny boxes with bright hot lights, not dark rooms like the normal. No, just a little bit in that room will teach you to fuck around again.

But then, this Porthos (Sylvester Stallone) character comes waltzing into his prison. He notices him instantly, always looking at the guards, inspecting shit. Rottmayer considers himself a favor guy, so he offers to help Porthos out, see why he is being weird. According to Porthos, he gets paid to get put into prisons, look for weaknesses, and break out of them. But something is wrong this time, all of his normal criteria is off, things have changed, his evacuation code isn’t working. Someone has set him up to fail and get locked away for ever.

Looks like these two masterminds, one a criminal, the other not, have to work together to beat the system. But can they really trust each other?

Jim Caviezal plays the warden, and you may remember him as Jesus from The Passion of the Christ. Amy Ryan, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, and Vincent D’Onofrio play members of Stallone’s team (member, tech guy, accountant, respectively), Sam Neill plays another doctor, Vinnie Jones is head of security, and Faran Tahir as another prisoner.

Note the bar code on their shirts. They…really didn’t explain any of that.

Wait, 50 Cent?! Yesss, another movie where I have him in it. This one was purely an accident! Note to self, review more 50 Cent movies. He should be the highest tagged actor on this site, damn it.

Sorry, I keep getting distracted by the actors in this movie.

Well, strangely enough, I had fun with this movie. It wasn’t meant as a comedy, but having Stallone/Schwarzenegger in a situation where we have to assume they are smart comes with a few laughs. Especially when they both deliver their normally cheesy lines. The difference between the two is that in this film, Stallone says it all with a serious face, like he is the BAMFest BAMF, while Arnold is willing to grin more with his character and enjoy the moment.

I am saying Arnold was the better of this two in the film. His distraction scene in German in the film is almost worth it for the chaos it produced alone.

In terms of twists, some of them are obvious, and I think the film even makes fun of how obvious they are, but not everything is obvious. This is more of a thriller action movie, with most of the violence comes near the end when they actually attempt their escape. Accidentally hilarious moments like sudden waves of armed guards, more than should be at the prison, getting mowed down with a machine gun make this movie worked.

I am not sure if I really liked this movie, or if I just liked it more than Carrie and The Fifth Estate, which also came out this weekend. Even if that is the case, fuck it, it was more enjoyable than Stallone’s recent work.

3 out of 4.

Small Apartments is another example of a film I picked to watch merely on the bizarre cover. Nothing really out of the ordinary in terms of subject matter, it was just faces of a few cast members. But those faces? Those faces were weird looking.

A bunch of actors I recognized, just all slightly off. I was ready for a dark comedy, or just strange film. Or at least, I thought I was ready for that jelly.

Basically the first scene of the film. I WASN’T READY!

Franklin Franklin (Matt Lucas) lives alone in his apartment, in an apartment complex of weird people. He isn’t any different. He really loves Switzerland, wants to go there, has the giant fucking horn thing and everything. He also is hairless. Relevant? Not sure. He also has the dead body of his landlord (Peter Stormare) on his floor.

He is surrounded by other odd folk, like Tommy Balls (Johnny Knoxville), a junkie with an almost philosophy degree (who is banging Rebel Wilson on the side). There is Simone (Juno Temple) who sometimes spies on Franklin, and flirts with the local convenience store employee (DJ Qualls). Let’s not forget about Mr. Allspice (James Caan) who I guess is just mean. That’s not really weird.

Shit, I could tell you more, but its just…Weird stuff. Weird stuff happens. Conspiracies, and investigators. Burned bodies and burned bridges (that second part is a metaphor, but the first part is literal). We also have James Marsden, Billy Crystal, and Dolph Lundgren.

I never realized Knoxville had the eyes of an angel.

I think I already said this, but man, this movie was weird. I really wasn’t prepared for it in any way.

Everyone was so odd, I just had such a huge quizzical look on my face the whole time, wondering what was happening and why. This is based on a book. I am going to assume the book is equally odd.

I am going to say that based on how rustled my jimmies were, the movie did its job. The actors, in particular Matt Lucas and Johnny Knoxville, were really excellent in this movie.

The issue is, because of its weirdness, I never really felt like I could get behind it. It didn’t really interest me in watching for a movie, it just piqued my curiosity a little bit. A movie I will remember for a little bit, but forget unless it is specifically brought up. A shame. And I feel weird saying the only reason I dislike it is because I couldn’t really get into it, but hey, it’s my website, so sometimes I have lame reasons. Hah!

1 out of 4.

Family Weekend I probably could have gone my whole life without seeing or even really knowing it existed. It wasn’t on my main dvd relese website, wasn’t in theaters, it is a film I’d have to have seen on accident.

So let’ just say that. Yeah. I saw it on accident. (Cough)

But it appears to feature bondage, so it already has that going for it.

The Smith-Dungy family is pretty unique, and yes they are one of those families. You know. Free spirited. Kind of. Alright, everyone has a unique personality that is set to 11. Emily (Olesya Rulin) is the oldest daughter and a champion jump rope speed jumping champion. Just ask anyone, like her crush Chris (Chase Maser), how great she is. She just qualified for states this weekend! But don’t ask her family. They didn’t show up to her competition.

Fuckers.

Her mom (Kristin Chenoweth) is now super busy doing business stuff, always on the phone or texting about work. Her dad (Matthew Modine) is too free spirited, an artist, willing to talk about too much and is just in general forgetful. She has an older brother Jackson (Eddie Hassell), who is gay (/faking gay) and and artists. Lucinda (Joey King), a younger sister, who is really obsessed with acting out as characters from famous older films for some reason, and a younger brother who likes animals and has a perfect memory.

Well, Emily decides that her parents need to relearn what it means to be good parents, like they were before, and must undergo some nice reconditioning, tied up for a few days, before they stop being such dicks. Chloe Bridges is also in this movie.

I always knew jumping rope would lead to adultnapping.

For a random movie requested for me to see, it wasn’t all bad. No, the plot overall went exactly where I thought it would go, and all lessons got learned, but the journey to end had its own twists or turns.

Kind of. Now I am just being vague, and I apologize, but this might be the quintesential 2/4. Not 2 out of 4 for being average, but by having equal parts I liked and disliked, turning it average. The former version is just average throughout, never really fantastic or shitty.

Olesya was pretty believable as an overachiever finally snapping and really wanting to do good, without realizing she has reached almost insanity. Her siblings Joey King and Eddie Hassell are both immediately forgettable, but since they don’t go away, they reach annoying levels. The parents are both pretty unique and interesting in their own ways, but of course they set up the dad to be the cool one and the one who is more willing to change. Despite making him more likable to the viewer, they are (for a little bit) able to allow us to feel some sympathy for the mom.

The unfortunate downside of this film is none of it just feels real or natural. It all feels fake, it just feels like a movie. The acting isn’t incredible anywhere, so I don’t think these characters actually changed, which just ruins the ending for me (which was a let down on its own). Hard to describe, but just doesn’t work on the most basic level. Despite that, I still enjoyed the idea of the premise, and some parts.

How many typos are in this review?

2 out of 4.

Aw yeah, technically my first review of a stand up special ever.

Why this one? Why now? Well, I don’t plan on reviewing stand up specials pretty often. Not only because they mostly just appear on Comedy Central/HBO first, or some guys website for $5. No. They are just strange to review. I don’t know if I can measure my laughing amount on a scale too easily. In fact, most of these I do laugh throughout, except the occasional odd one out. It would be too difficult.

So why this one? Well, Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain was given a theatrical run, not in my area, but it still got one damn it, and I didn’t get to see it. Like a bitter ex, I have waited for it to finally come out on DVD just so I could review it for this website.

That tight clothing got even tighter when the fire came out.

Turns out the Trailer was very misleading for what this movie was about. It shows he went on a world tour, got into shenanigans, and did comedy. Like most concert films, all of the performances/material are actually taken from one show, and yes, that show is usually Madison Square Garden. But in between songs/performances, we normally get to see the performers doing fun stuff around the world. Not in this film.

I’d say about the first 15 minutes or so started off with a skit, and then went into travel the world mode, where we saw him for a few minutes, do zany things around the world. Then the next 60 minutes is his stand up routine presumably uncut, all in one go without any breaks, then the film ends with some more running around in the credits. That is it.

So basically, it is just another stand up special. There is very little not stand up special, and I don’t get to see what the trailer is about 50% of. So those scenes in the trailer? Most of them appear in the dang credits, so as the movie was ending I was more confused than anything.

As for Kevin Hart‘s stand up, sure it was funny. Most of this hour was dedicated to really long stories about his fame and overreactions. Some hit hard, some missed. Oh well. After it is over, I can only really remember a few that I truly laughed at, but for a comedy special, having those moments is still gold and still worth it.

I am just disappointed there is nothing really unique about this whole affair, despite being in theaters, and the misleading trailer.

2 out of 4.

Machete started out as a fake trailer in front of the Grindhouse movies, Death Proof and Planet Terror. Robert Rodriguez decided that the fake trailer needed to be made into a real movie and Machete was born! A movie that was made on purpose to be bad, it had plenty of potential, but to me just felt boring. I wasn’t impressed.

I basically forgot about the franchise until they announced both a sequel and a third film coming down the pipelines. The sequel, Machete Kills just hit theaters, but the third film really caught my eye thanks to its title of  Machete Kills Again…In Space. With a name like that, this franchise can’t be that bad!

Yeah, it looks like he is about to kill it here.

After the death of his partner (Jessica Alba), Machete (Danny Trejo) finds himself at the wrong end of the law, blamed again for a murder he did not commit. To get out of the jam, the President of the United States (Charlie Sheen / Carlos Estivez) has asked him to go on a suicide mission into Mexico. His mission? To stop revolutionary/mad man Mendez (Academy Award Nominated Demian Bichir) from sending a nuke straight to Washington DC.

Sure, a simple enough mission, but there are a lot of factors that stand in his way. Million dollar bounties, crazed heart monitors, multiple personality disorders, priests seeking redemption, a hitman called El Camaleon, brothels, space scientists that know the future, a madam with a grudge, former friends, and clones stand between him and his goal.

There are so many celebrities, trying to list them all would be insane, but I will do it anyways. Telling you their role in the film almost seems like a disservice, and plus, you probably wouldn’t believe me. The movie includes Mel Gibson, Amber Heard, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofia Vergara, Lady Gaga, Antonio Banderas, Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Alexa Vega, and Vanessa Hudgens!

One of the best “jokes” in this movie is having Alexa Vega in close to nothing. Since he worked with her on Spy Kids 12 years ago.

As I mentioned before, Machete was trying to make a good/entertaining “bad movie,” in honor of all the poor quality B-movies of the 70s/80s. It is pretty hard film type to make correctly, the last one I really enjoyed being Black Dynamite. The first film had a lot of appropriate jokes for genre, but the overall plot and tone bored the crap out of me.

Machete Kills corrects these mistakes and more. First off, it was actually entertaining. Over the top action from start to finish and nonsensical plot lines that will cause you to stare at the screen in confusion. Normally that would sound terrible, unless terrible was the goal, in which case it sounds great! Machete Kills put a lot more detail into purposefully editing the film in a sloppy way to increase its humor potential. The film has a rampant disrespect for obeying the natural laws of our reality: where a broken car can drift 500 miles in mere hours, and where several days can pass in only 20 minutes.

Most of the jokes are smaller references or in the background, outside of the absurd characters themselves. Despite how outrageous everything is, the characters themselves for the most part are incredibly serious. After all, their lives are on the line. The movie sports a lot of death and violence, which is all packaged in creative ways.

Machete Kills improved a lot from the first film, but I think it still has a lot of untapped potential that it just hasn’t reached yet. Assuming the third film actually gets made, it might finally cross into the “So Bad, It’s Amazing!” territory that the series is striving for. As for now, it is not a must watch, but more of a watch eventually (maybe) type of movie.

2 out of 4.