Tag: 3 out of 4

Yes. Rubber. The movie about a killer a tire. But is it about something way more than that?

I think so, and maybe this review will surprise you?

Don’t worry. The bird is about to explode, but it is a fake bird.

The beginning will scare away most people. A car is driving down a dirt road, hitting chairs. A cop (Stephen Spinella) gets out of the trunk, and has a nice monologue about “no reason“. Link is to that quote if you want to read it. He is addressing the audience in all of this, making it clear this movie is weird, and also a tribute to “no reason”.

Or is it?!

Camera backs away, and hey look, a group of people he was talking about. Yes, just a group of people, standing in the desert. They are also told they are about to watch a movie, and then stand around with their binoculars, looking for the movie. Eventually a tire gets out of the ground, and rolls around on its own. He crushes some cans along the way, but one can he doesn’t. He just sits in front of it. And bam. It explodes.

A tire becoming both able to move and discovering psychic powers? Amazing! He rolls around a bunch more, and kills a rabbit, and a bird, and eventually finds himself on the road and discovering humans.

This film should sound completely nonsensical, because it is. The audience watching the movie is often shown talking about the events, and play an active role in the movie. The tire seems to fall in love with a girl, Roxane Mesquida, and checks into the hotel. At this point it has been two days and the audience is all starving and bored. Jack Plotnick, the “Accountant” finally gives them food, but it is poisoned.

The cop, now thinking the entire audience is dead tries to end the movie and tells all the other characters to go home. But there is one member left, a guy in a wheel chair, Wings Hauser. So reluctantly, the movie continues, despite the cop just wanting to go home. While also trying to kill off the lone watcher left, so that the movie will also end that way.

They even try to trick the tire with a decoy woman. Full of dynamite.

Are you confused yet? Of course you are. What the hell is this absurd/nonsensical sounding movie?

When I watched it, I felt like it was two stories in one. The obvious story about the tired with psychic powers, killing people. But I felt the story with the audience to be that much more important. Although you can assume the movie has no reason to it, given the (obviously sarcastic) monologue, and thus just a bunch of random events, or you can assume it means something greater.

I didn’t feel I was reaching too hard when I figure that the audience represents the damn audience. Most of them making comments that audience members probably are also thinking at home. By killing them off by 1, that is presumably just everyone giving up on the movie but one guy. If everyone gave up, the movie would be over because no need for an ending if no one watched it. (Tree in woods?) But because there is of course people like wheelchair guy, and me, it goes on, and the ending gets more bizarre and nonsensical.

I could go on. But I feel like the movie is a direct attack on the crap Hollywood has been producing, and getting rid of more creative ideas. The credits scenes are a clear indication of that. Kind of like a warning to Hollywood, that if they keep releasing all the same crap, B movies might take over?

There is so much more you can take away from this movie, but that might make me sound like a crazy person. Because it could also just be a “no reason” movie, and taking Scythian from it is not their intent. I can say that most people who watch this probably wont like it, or stop early.

I sound super snobbish just saying shit like that. I enjoyed it, and liked how different it was. Made me think, in very weird terms, which I loved as well. But hey, give it a chance? You probably won’t like it. But might!

Hugo won the award this year for “Most Nominations at the Oscars”. Fuck you, its a thing. They only won 5 of the 11 though, and all for the unimportant things like Sound Editing and Sound Mixing (This is where the Sound Editor and Sound Mixing people tell me to eat a bag of dicks, and then storm off into the night).

Which is surprising. Usually that movie that has the most nominations seems to be a shoe-in for winning Best Picture. But it didn’t. But why? Here’s what I think.

The people who choose who wins are not children. Just kidding. Its true, but thats not why. CALM DOWN READER.

Story is a weird one to describe (That’s why!) so here is an attempt. Hugo (Asa Butterfield) is an orphan boy who lives in a train station in France. His father was a clock maker, made him love movies and such, then died in a museum fire. He was taken in by his uncle, a lame watch maker, and taught to run to the clocks in the station / main bell tower, and then the uncle disappeared. So now on his own, he has decided to live in the train station in secret, work the clocks, and fend for himself.

There is also an automaton/music box thing that he believes belonged to his dad, so he is trying to repair it by stealing knickknacks and repairing parts. Some people don’t like that, mainly the chief inspector of the railway (Sacha Baron Cohen) who hurt his leg in “the war” and Georges Méliès (Ben Kingsley) a toy shop owner. He also meets a girl who likes books, Isabelle (Chloe Grace Moretz) who is (Gasp!) the granddaughter of the mean toy shop owner. Boo!

I feel like I am giving away too much if I go further, although you still don’t know what it is about. This movie is about…movies, the birth of them. The first movies were all short, but one French dude made all these amazing sci-fi/fantasy epics, for the time. The stories were weak but they were imaginative at least, and had “magic trick” illusions thanks to nice editing. Some were even partially colored, thanks to painting the actual strips.

But most of these movies were lost thanks to the war, needing money and selling the strips for cash. Damn.

Also kind of based on the true story of the film guy, and his actual work is shown in the movie too. Emily Mortimer and Christopher Lee also have some small roles in the film too (small to me).

I’m saying the dog and the mustache were more important overall. In my eyes.

What’s good about this movie? A lot! This is like a fantastical world created from this movie, based off of a book. Which is based off of kind of true events. Minus the boy and stuff. But still. It looks amazing, if not also kind of fake at parts unfortunately. Acting was good, and by the end it felt like a great journey.

I think the problem people might have with it is figuring out what the movie is just about. An hour into it, you still really won’t know. It is hard to explain, because it takes awhile to get to the actual essence of the film. While watching I had to guess where it was going. My guesses were wrong because the clues given didn’t help at all.

So maybe direction could have been a bit better in my mind. And honestly, I felt bad for the Inspector from the first scene. He was supposed to be some mean guy, but never really showed off as that until later.

From the start I think Tower Heist got a lot of bad publicity. Why initially? Because it planned on releasing itself for download only a month after going to theaters, before coming out on DVDs. Apparently a lot of theaters were mad about that, and were refusing to show it. So of course it backed down.

But then after that, people are generally “Ben Stiller? Gross, next.”

That is the face Ben Stiller makes every time someone walks away and calls him gross.

I think the trailer did a bad job of explaining the overall plot. So here we go. The Tower is actually some large sky scrapper building in NYC, that is basically just apartments. Large staff, super secure, and they don’t accept tips.

Ben Stiller is the overall manager, runs the day to day, keeps his staff in tip top shape and helps all of the top clients. Casey Affleck is his second in command. Matthew Broderick is a formerly rich guy getting evicted and divorced, Michael Pena plays an elevator operator, and Gabourey Sidibe is a Jamaican maid.

And they all get fucked over. The penthouse belongs to rich wall street investor Alan Alda. And he has just been arrested for stealing investments, and getting people trapped in Ponzi schemes. And he also handled everyone who works in the Tower’s pensions!

Stiller gets mad. And he takes it out on Alda’s apartment (as he is now stuck there for temporary house arrest), getting himself and other fired. He then takes the drunk advice of a special agent on the case, Tea Leoni, and decides that the old school method of pitchforks and mobs to storm the castle were appropriate. But instead of storming, they should rob him.

The amount of money he should own versus what they found didn’t match up, so it is likely that Alda is hiding a batch in his apartment, in a safe in a secret wall. Can his team get the maybe 20 million dollars in the safe, escape without jail time, and divide it up amongst the workers to get their money back? Not without a criminal. Thankfully Stiller “knows” a guy, Eddie Murphy, who steals shit!

Potted plants, cash, and scenes, mostly.

Seriously. Eddie Murphy is hilarious in this movie. This is best classified as an action/comedy, despite the action not being that much, and the comedy not being…that much. Oddly enough. There was only a few times I really had a good laugh, some of Eddie Murphy’s scenes, the thing about lesbians, and a few others. But I could just classify it as a “movie” and maybe that genre is specific enough.

But I really enjoyed it as a whole. When I saw the preview, I assumed it wasn’t an apartment, but just some big corporation in NYC. I assumed they were people who had lost their jobs due to budget cuts, and I assumed Stiller used to be a big fat cat, but got screwed over. But they really do a good job of making you feel for and root for them. There are many other workers at the building who aren’t part of the thievery, but they show enough of why their lives were affected by it.

Some jokes and situations, sure predictable. But not all of them, nor the ending really. I was surprised that I liked it that much.

Hoover. Sorry, had to rush that one out of there. The title of this movie teases you. You want it to be called J. Edgar Hoover, because that is how he was known. It is hard to stop the name at just J. Edgar, just like it is hard to stop a stream mid-piss.

“I assure you gentlemen, I can stop mid piss.” – J. Edg

As you know, the movie J. Edgar is a biographical movie about the life of J. Edgar Hoover (played by Leonardo DiCaprio, because that guy loves period pieces), directed by Clint Eastwood.

Plotwise well, it is about J. Edgar, the starting of the FBI, how he got his start, important points in his career, his budding relationships, and his death.

Uhh yeah. Sorry. Spoils if you didn’t know he dies at the end.

You sure do learn a lot about him though, assuming you had no real detailed knowledge about his life. Did you know he helped revolutionize the crime scene? Had people stop just messing shit up, start to wear gloves, and invented the idea of having fingerprints on file. He also tried to keep up to date on all the new sciences in order to stay ahead of crime (but that goes with the territory of finger printing). He also may have been gay?

He also apparently was bad with the ladies. He tried to marry Helen Gandy (Naomi Watts) who instead became his personal secretary for life (And is probably responsible for destroying all of his secret documents post death). But after that he hired Clyde Tolson (Armie Hammer), someone very unqualified for whatever Lawyer job, and he eventually became Hoover’s number two man of the FBI. They ate together, vacationed together, and did everything together. It was more than implied in the movie that they might have had something going on.

But that is about it. There was the main story in his dealing with the Charles Lindbergh case, his dealings with many presidents (including almost president Robert Kennedy, played by Jeffrey Donovan) and Martin Luther King Jr.

Here is Tolson and Hoover, both old, both played by the same actors above with make up, and both clearly hot for each other.

Now I could sit here and talk all day about what I learned about Hoover and tell you all about it but that ruins the movie. I also lied, no way I could talk all day. All I know about him is a 130 minute movie. Hell, this could have all been lies and I wouldn’t know. There is surely enough obvious “guesses” in the movie for you to realize that yourself.

But damn it, the acting is good. And the stories are interesting! The stuff is told out of order, flowing between different points in history. Thankfully it isn’t that hard to follow, like other movies. Just have to figure out how old DiCaprio (and Hammer) looks and go from there.

Hoover is one of the more awesome characters in American history and of the 1900s, and he wasn’t a president. Its hard to make the history books like that.

I

am surprised it took me this long to review Leaves Of Grass. I generally have a stand against downloading movies on the internet, but I took exception for both this movie and The Joneses. Why? Because they took forever to go from being made and out, to being actually out on DVD. I wanted to buy both and watch them, but just could not. Since then, I have bought both movies at least. Woo guilt!

It also features one of my favorite movie tropes. One guy playing twins.

Yep. Movie starts off with Bill (Edward Norton), a professor at Brown teaching Latin. After a student tries to seduce him (which he definitely puts an end to), and a meeting with the board about Harvard/tenure, in walks Bolger (Tim Blake Nelson) with the news that his brother is dead!

But not really. His brother, Brady (Edward Norton. Twins I tell ya. But he has long hair, no worry) is actually having some trouble with the law. He grows all natural marijuana! But he isn’t trying to get rich from it, just does a small farm, small sales, no reason to expand his market. Even if he owes money to Richard Dreyfuss. Bill of course goes back to Tulsa to visit the funeral, but en route to his home, he is mistaken for his twin and beaten up. He awakes to find, well damn it, Brady isn’t dead.

But he is getting married (to Keri Russell) and is having a baby, so Bill is guilted into staying. Especially since he too really finds the soon to be wife attractive. But Brady convinces Bill to pretend to be Brady and take care of things at the home (and his wife!) while he goes to deal with Richard Dreyfuss. And thus, alibis can be falsely made. Hooray!

After that, things go from mild comedy to real dark comedy. Shit goes down. Excessive violence, death, and extremely unlikely scenarios. None of which involve Susan Sarandon, who plays the mom, but might involve Josh Pais, a failed orthodontist.

Way too much swag for two guys from Tulsa.

Tim Blake Nelson is more well known as Delmar from O Brother, Where Art Thou? and playing “dumb characters” but he actually graduated from both Brown and Julliard. Why do I mention this? Because he was also the director of the movie, and whenever you are a character in a movie you are directing, your character is generally pretty awesome. And it is true. That characters amazingness made me enjoy the movie that much more.

I was shocked by the end how violent it actually got, not expecting it with a Edward Norton twin comedy. Shit happens, and that shit sucks. My vague descriptions might be enough to convince you to watch it, but I figure just saying Edward Norton is in it is enough for the rest of you.

I have apparently not reviewed a single movie that includes any of the four main actors/actresses from The Fighter.

That is odd, given the list, and that I know I have seen many other movies from each one of them. I think we can all agree that the fault lies with the reader, for not requesting more of their movies to be reviewed. Yes.

Really. Isn’t this movie about friendship and not fighting and crack? Right?

Movie begins with a movie! Well, a documentary being filmed. Christian Bale‘s character used to be a decent boxer from Lowell, Massachustes, and claims to have once knocked down Sugar Ray Leonard in a fight (When in actuality he tripped). But since then he is on crack cocaine, and kind of a annoyance to the city. He believes the documentary is about his possibly comeback. Also involved is his brother, Mark Whalberg, who never really became a successful boxer, and is more of a stepping stone for up and coming boxers.

Ah-ha! This movie is actually about Marky Mark. Finding possible love in Amy Adams, and possibly disappointing his quite large family. See, Marky is starting to hate his family. In an early fight, his opponent his ill, but they agree to let him fight an obviously bigger opponent, putting him at a huge disappointment, so they can get that monies. He broke his hand and is seriously considering leaving them all, with Amy, to go to a non family operated training facility, where he actually can make money just training for fights. This also makes his mom, Melissa Leo, pretty upset. And her gaggle of daughters.

I feel like going into more detail kind of spoils it all. Lets just say that the documentary isn’t what he thought it was, that someone might end up going to prison, and the movie might end with a certain family member overcoming all the odds to win. And maybe bigger family disputes and eventual forgiveness.

I’mnotsayingthatiswhathappensbutIamjustsayin’.

Fighting aside, the star of this movie is Christian Bale. He was nominated for Best Supporting Actor and won that shit hands down. Melissa Leo was also nominated for Supporting Actress, and also won. You know who wasn’t nominated? Whalberg, the dang main character. Bale took this role to heart. He lost tons of weight, to the creepy skeleton looking face, to try and be a crack addict. He also did a lot of fast talking and it just felt real.

Only reason I won’t give it a 4/4 is because the the “side story” (arguably still part of the main story, but come on, its not “the main story”) is better than the main story. Marky Mark does a good job, and even Amy Adams plays her roles as Yoko Ono pretty believable. But while watching it I didn’t care as much about the boxing aspects, just the family stuff. Because that was cooler. Unfortunately, it being a “True story” and all, the boxing had to happen instead of something sexy like Curling.

When I first saw Happy Feet, I loved it, minus the ending. Had an interesting plot, great jokes, some surprise pop culture references, songs/dance, and even some scary moments. Just the end was dumb and preachy, and felt super deus ex. Ending I hated!

I’ve seen it a lot the same, and I still think the same thoughts. That is good.

So what about Happy Feet Two? Well, as long as it doesn’t go preachy, and have a plot other than “baby penguin does something different, isn’t accepted, and eventually is accepted” then hell yeah, lets do this thing.

These penguins are unfortunately “bringing fluffy back”.

Mambo (Elijah Wood) and Gloria (now Pink, since Brittany Murphy died) have a child! Yay! He just isn’t as good at dancing or singing yet (damn it…). Thanks to Ramon (Robin Williams, who also still does Lovelace too) the kids get separated and taken back to his land (where he wants to find love, preferably with Carmen (Sofia Vergara)).

There they find a new penguin that everyone loves. Sven, the flying penguin (Hank Azaria! And German-ish). While they are out and Mambo is looking for them, some ice sheets melt and move around! They crash into each other and Emporer land is now surrounded on all sides by large ice cliffs, and they are trapped in a valley. No way out!

Noah the Elder (Hugo Weaving) is still in charge, and he tries to keep calm with Seymour (Common. That big rapping penguin played by Fat Joe last movie. ANOTHER ACTOR CHANGE!), after figuring out escape is impossible. I would like to note that still having Noah be alive and in charge is weird, since Mambo’s parents are NO WHERE in this movie. I can’t believe that they got old and died, if that old one is still there. They are just ignored then.

Eventually the day is saved, and not by the methods that you might guess. Somehow the power of dance must be involved, after all. They even noted the Deus Ex feel of the last movie, and I thought they were about to fuck me over on that again, but don’t worry, it doesn’t work.

But the real stars of the the movie are Will and Bill the Krill.

I think it’s obvious which one Bill is.

The krill are voiced by Brat Pitt and Matt Damon, respectively. Will is a Krill who wants to get out of the swarm, discover the world, live in the now, become a predator and escape the bottom of the food chain! Bill is his friend who reluctantly goes along with him, trying to bring him back to his senses and is gay?

Yep! I think so, or at least he wants to raise a family with Bill, tons of children, not caring if they are both male. The scene after that he even sings Wham! making it seem very likely that Matt Damon has now played a gay Krill in his life. Definitely a bucket list check off.

But seriously, these two krill are awesome. Their story is woven through the rest of the story, at first you are unsure of why, but once it fully connects at the end, you will see why their journey is overall worth it and integral to the story.

Song wise, there seemed to be a bit less. Only the first song intro featured mash ups. One song in the movie at least was entirely original too, and was my least favorite. The first movie though had a whole lot of songs in the first bit, and then felt like it had nothing until dancing at the end. This one spreads them out a bit more, and the final song is “powerful” and almost made me cry in happiness.

The movie also has a lot more going on with the Elephant Seals, who were pointless in movie one, but also bring out a better ending and a very sad part about 1/3 of the way through.

Hey look. It is Sven! But what dark secrets does HE hold?

The sequel has a lot more plots than the first movie, a change I loved. Thankfully they don’t change who the main character is in this movie, and you know it is still mostly about Mambo. Overall though I felt like the songs in this movie were drastically weaker than the first. Improvement in that area would push the rating to the top, but everything else is great.

Especially the krill.

I could say a lot about this movie, but it is one of the more simpler movies to understand.

Sure some history might help, but Frost/Nixon is about two people. David Frost, and Richard Nixon.

The entire movie is just their floating heads, talking.

But seriously. Frank Langella plays Richard Nixon, who just had the Watergate scandal and has since resigned from being president. Michael Sheen plays David Frost, a British TV reporter who likes to interview people. At the time of the movie I don’t think he was as famous as he is right now. A lot of the fame came from his interview with Nixon, as he was the first reporter to really get a crack at it after the resignation.

Do you want your movie reviews to be a history lesson? Didn’t think so. That is what watching the movie is for.

Eventually the interview happens over a few parts. After the first part, Nixon is walking all over Frost. He is a big time guy, carries a lot of power behind his voice, and can steer the topics his way. But it is up to Frost to man up, so to speak, take control of the interview, and get Nixon to talk about the scandals!

Sam Rockwell and Kevin Bacon are also in this movie, but you shouldn’t be watching it for them.

Here is a picture of the real interviews. Everyone is uglier in real life.

“But Gorgon Reviews, why would I want to watch a movie about two people just talkin’? Not only just that, but two people talkin’ about stuff almost 40 years ago. Fuck the past!”

Well, foul-mouthed reader, they talk pretty good like.

I mean, that might be my whole argument. I was captivated some how by all of it. The sense of history being made (or at least the possibility) and the mental chess match between Frost and Nixon for the debate. Had a lot more than those two, producers, agents, bodyguards, PR people, etc getting in the way too. And money. But just watching the conversations was good enough for me.

I have heard about the Waitress movie for awhile. Mostly positive things. And once I got rid of all the opinions from people who thought I was talking about Waiting…, turns out people still overall liked Waitress. I knew not much about it, just assumed because it was about a woman, that there would be a love element!

This mostly being necessary for a review coming out on Valentine’s Day.

And she’s happy!

Kari Russell plays a waitress in a small town diner. She likes to make pies, and is good at it. Did the whole pie thing since she was a child. She is married to Jeremy Sisto though, who doesn’t treat her right. Doesn’t beat her or anything, but he also just seems to be controlling. Won’t let her have a car, doesn’t care about her pies, and doesn’t seem to “love” her.

But she gets pregnant! Damn it, damn it! She won’t get rid of it, but she wants to leave her husband anyways, maybe win a pie contest. Unfortunately her doctor just retired, and all she is left with in the small town is Nathan Fillion. Who is awkward around her.

So Keri has to deal with putting up her husband, secretly going to a birthdoctor, possibly wanting to tap said doctor, and still make a lot of pies for the shop. Her friends try their best, fellow waitresses Cheryl Hines and Adrienne Shell, but even the owner, played by Andy Griffith, seems to give her a hard time every time he stops in for meals (and PIES).

The movie isn’t really about love or her looking for love. No it is about a woman, who wants to just live her life the way she wants to live it, with the unfortunate side effect of getting pregnant with a man she doesn’t love. Nathan Fillion is a nice doctor, but he might not be the answers she needs either.

Although they make such nice pies together.

I liked this movie a lot. As I just said it was nice to see a movie about an independent woman who is not working towards getting a man the whole time. Everyone in the movie does a great job conveying the small town feel. Even though Sisto’s character is a jerk that you will hate, he also does a great performance.

This must be where Sisto first met Hines, since they both are now in the show Suburgatory together. Connections, also, are one of the more fun things you can do with movies and tv shows.

Overall, great movie, with an ending that isn’t entirely predictable. Yay!

I first saw the preview for Gentlemen Broncos years ago, but then forgot about it. I remember it sounded interesting, if not fucking weird. Unfortunately the box screams out don’t watch me. After all, its biggest selling point is from the creators of Napoleon Dynamite. Eugch.

Although I like weird movies, I generally prefer some sort of plot to go with them.

Michael Angarano (guy from Sky High. You should know that by now. Sky High may be my most linked to movie that I have never reviewed) is a home schooled student in a small town with strong morals. A simple life he leads, as his dad died a long time ago, and his mom, Jennifer Coolidge, makes night gowns and clothes, for hefty prices. She also has an obsession with making objects from popcorn balls.

Heh. Balls.

Anyways dude likes to write stories! Has his whole life, preferably sci-fi. His best tale is called The Yeast Lords, and is about a futuristic world and you know, lot of weird stuff. His main character is Bronco, played by Sam Rockwell. Mostly because throughout the movie when people read the sections, we get to see the story in all of its (wtf) glory. His mom does an awesome thing and sends him to a very small writing camp for home schooled people, where he meets controlling Halley Feiffer, and her friend Hector Jimenez (from Nacho Libre. HUGE MOUTH) who makes movies/trailers.

Anyways, he enters his story into a contest. The best story is supposed to get a small publishing deal. But famous sci-fi writer Jemaine Clement is in danger of losing his monies, because his last few stories have sucked. He is drawn into Yeast Lords, and changes it up, taking it as his own. He of course changes all the names, and makes Brutus a transsexual, and bam, best seller. At the same time, Mike has sold his film rights to Hector, and they are creating a short film based off of the Yeast Lords as well. Will Mike be able to prove that the Yeast Lords is his own story? Will Jemaine get away with it all? Why does Mike White looks so damn weird?

Just how badass are the Surveillance Does?

As you can probably guess, the parts of the movie starring Bronco/Brutus are amazingly cheesy and poor looking. This just gives them a better charm, because the story is in no way captivating. The films comedy thrives off of the general awkwardness of all the individuals involved that just will not go away. The movie had a believable ending, based on the type of world it set up anyways, and you more or less think everyone got what they deserved by the end.

So I thought it was great but it is definitely a weird one.