Category: Uncategorized

What can a reviewer even say about a movie like Vanquish?

Not a lot it turns out, as I struggled at the end of this review. But when I saw the poster for the movie, it was one that immediately let me know it wouldn’t be that good. It is the kind of cover that you only see on a Redbox catalogue and choose to never watch it. It is the kind of movie that if you saw advertised on a billboard that you would assume has been up there for decades and forgot about.

Also, guns as wings? Is it some angel of death?

Oh just don’t hurt me too much, Vanquish film.

Ah fuck, blue tones, my greatest weakness. 

Victoria (Ruby Rose) is just a single mom trying to make it in the world. She is doing the best she can, one day at a time. Until her daughter gets KIDNAPPED.

Okay, it turns out Victoria used to be drug smuggler or deliverer. She was involved with some bad people who did bad things, but not her, right?

So who kidnapped her kid? Well, Morgan Freeman of course! No not the actual one, a retired cop named Damon (Morgan Freeman) who apparently is jaded and angry and needs to threaten Victoria with kid-killing at this point in his life. What does Victoria need to do to get her kid back? Well, you know, just kill a lot of people.

A whole night of killing of bad people under a threat. Ah yes, what a night.

Also starring Patrick Muldoon, Nick Vallelonga, Julie Lott, and Hannah Stocking.

Let’s call this support for solid mask usage. Or at least visor usage. 

Not only is Vanquish forgettable, it is potentially website destroyable. I wrote this review earlier in the day and published it and saw it and it was on my computer, and now it isn’t. This is my second write through. This writing is apparently better, to be honest. It has more filler and more words because I gave that first version little attention, because the movie Vanquish was not worth my attention.

But here is goes again. Vanquish is not only bad, it is boring. It is not only boring, it was a waste of time. It was not only a waste of time, it was also bad.

None of the acting is good in this film. Freeman probably has a 10% good rate these last few years. He has phoned it in enough that he has a payphone booth up his ass. I barely know anything about Rose, but as a lead in this film I never cared about her character. It was just one bland and tasteless action scene after another. And occasionally the filter pissed me off too, for style reason.

If you want me to like your movie, make a good movie. I don’t care about your digital effects.

0 out of 4.

The Mitchells vs. The Machines is one of those films that you are hopefully going to hear about from word of mouth. I know I didn’t notice it pop up on Netflix. I know if I did, I would have just ignored it most likely for a bit, and watched it by myself a week or two later. The cover for it on Netflix doesn’t look appealing to me at all. It doesn’t do the actual animation style any justice, and just looks like a cheaply made piece of crap. And let’s be honest, The Mitchells vs. The Machines is not a title that screams out “watch me.”

I don’t know the Mitchells. Why should I care about the Mitchells?

I guess every famous cartoon family has its start, and if their goal is a franchise, they can constantly have them battling other entities. I guess.

I am getting off track. I didn’t want to watch this movie. I was told I should watch this movie. I am glad I watched this movie. You should also watch this movie. And now, here is a review.

This is apparently an action film with guns, dinosaur bombs, and a dog faced pirate. 

The Mitchells are apparently going to have to save the world. And they are not a perfect warrior clan. They all have faults, barely have any cohesion, and sort of hate each other depending on the circumstances. Katie (Abbi Jacobson) feels like an outsider from her family. She has always been into films and creating her own strange movies, that her parents just don’t understand. Her dad (Danny McBride) is Mr. Nature, doesn’t do anything with tech, can fix a lot of problems, and loves to build. Her mom (Maya Rudolph) is pretty mom stereotype, caring and all of that jazz, believes in everyone. Her younger brother (Michael Rianda) is just super into dinosaurs, starring in his sister’s movies, and is afraid of being alone. Also they got a dog that is barely a dog. 

Katie got accepted into her dream school in California, for Movie makers and is exited about leaving her home and finally being with people in her life who get and understand her. The “weirdos” and such. Unfortunately, she gets into a big argument with her dad the day before they leave. And his solution? To cancel her plane ticket away from this dump, so they can road trip to College, making her miss out on orientation, but letting them bond one more time.

And unfortunately, during that time, a big robot rebellion begins! Fuuuuuuu. And purely by accident, they find themselves to be the only group of humans not captured. I guess they gotta figure out how to save our entire species. 

Also featuring the voices of Eric André, Olivia Colman, Fred Armisen, Beck Bennett, Chrissy Teigen, John Legend, Charlyne Yi, Conan O’Brien, and Blake Griffin. 

You know, I am not even sure that is a dog…

If I had done my own research I would have found out that I definitely wanted to see this movie. Besides the stacked voice cast (including McBride doing a great impression of Seth Rogen has a father role, based on my confusion on checking IMDB, I would have been able to see that the executive producers of this are Lord/Miller, and I have never not loved something they produced or helped create. 

As for the actual film? Damn, what a roller coaster. But it is a roller coaster that just keeps going in loops and is mostly full of really exciting ups. This is a bad metaphor. It has some strong messaging about reliance of technology. Pretty obvious stuff overall, but it doesn’t harp on the message and say that technology is evil. It is necessary for our hero after all to follow her dreams, and allows her to do something she wants in life, so it is awesome still. It is more the corporations who suck, and we can all agree on that.

This film was surprisingly funny. I really didn’t expect to laugh as much as I did, especially out loud. My kids could enjoy it too, for similar reasons. It had jokes for all, and some good throwback jokes to technology issues in life. It is also full of colors and perfect for the ADHD riddled world we live in, but never really annoyingly so.

I was surprised about halfway through the movie (with a plot point that felt like it would be close to the end) to find it had so much more movie left to go. But it didn’t really feel boring, if not a little too long near the end in the final scenes. A small amount of editing/cutting near the end would have been fine. But again, I still love the movie overall.

Give it a watch. I believe it went to theaters for a bit, so it should be eligible for awards next year. Raya and the Last Dragon was good, and now this. Shit, is animation back this year? Will Luca actually be good?! 

4 out of 4.

Se

A lot of the times I make a corny joke at the start of these reviews where I get excited about the movie being about one thing, and it is actually about something else, despite the titles being the same. Most of the time it is a lie. Almost all of the time. I don’t think I have ever told the truth for that joke.

But for real this time, we got a movie named Limbo right? I first thought it would be a movie based on the successful indie game Limbo, because I loved Limbo. Limbo made me seek out and try more indie games and opened me up to so much more being out there. I beat it in one day (it isn’t that long) and it was a complete trip. A beautiful sad trip.

Well, this is not that game, and that game likely won’t be a movie. I don’t know why it would be, to be honest.

Instead Limbo is referring to being stuck in limbo. Not the death afterlife one, but just an in general waiting place.

This is like a puzzle. How to get down the slide past the panda-man. 

Omar (Amir El-Masry) is a Syrian refugee, from… yep, Syria! Syria has a lot of scary stuff going on. A lot of Isis, and a lot of refugee’s leaving to find a safe place to live and grow in the world. Omar has found himself in Scotland! Specifically, a made up island off of Scotland, a very tiny community that has accepted a couple dozen refugees to join and specifically, assimilate into the community.

They get to take classes on dances, music, culture, proper greetings, language and more, while also are given places to stay. But technically, none of them have been granted asylum yet. They are hoping to be counted as official refugees, because they might be able to secure places for their family as well. And in general, it is not fun to be stuck waiting to see if you would get help and can become a citizen, or if you might be denied and sent back? Is that even what people do? Shit, that is scary.

Omar has to travel to the one pay phone in the region, in the middle of nowhere, just to call his parents, discuss the current events, and give them hope. But Omar, a musician, can’t even find the strength to play his grandfather’s oud, and doesn’t know what will finally give him the spark to feel creative again.

Also starring Vikash Bhai, Ola Orebiyi, Kenneth Collard, Grace Chilton, Kais Nashif, and Kwabena Ansah.

What is that off in the sunset? Hope? Or just more endless nothing?

In Limbo, you get to really feel like you are in the middle of nowhere. There are fields in Scotland, both land based and water based, and a lot of space. That is great, for refugees technically, because they need unused space. But if they are used to big living  city in Syria, going to bumfuck nowhere Scotland can be jarring. It would be for anyone.

Are the people nice there? Sure. But their expectation is assimilation, and not technically them bringing their culture over. Would the locals appreciate his instrument and music choices, or would he be shunned by it?

Some good questions and Limbo gives a lot of time to ponder them. Probably too much time. It does have its fill of quirky moments and situations, mostly dealing with culture clash and the oddities behind it. But the majority of the film is just trying to find existence in a world that is completely foreign to you and seemingly unwilling to bend.

El-Masry gives a deep and personal performance as our lead. He gives a strong performance without there being a lot to actually happen in the film. This is just a snapshot of something that is happening all over the world, and it is just one of those important stories to help ground us and realize what is important in life. You know. Live theater.

3 out of 4.

Something surprising to me is that there are only six Tom Clancy films out there, with the first one being The Hunt for Red October in 1990. I have seen only one of them. I saw the last one before Without Remorse, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, which I remember almost nothing about.

There are a lot of books by Tom Clancy, and they all have these same characters. And based on what I have seen in this film and in the last one, I still have no desire to watch any more of them, and certainly never read one of the books. A lot of pew pew spy action thrillers I guess. I am sure everyone get betrayed a dozen times and somehow gives a lot more bullet deaths than they end up receiving. Huge body counts. Catastrophic deaths.

This is all an assumption. Hell, maybe the first one was really tame.

But Without Remorse is going straight to amazon, probably because they have a successful Tom Clancy show, and now they want successful movies as well. Make money while you can, that is my motto.

Also to avoid old shrimp. That’s another motto. John Kelly (Michael B. Jordan) is a Navy Seal, part of an elite team of soldiers, and is good at his job. He is good at the killing of bad guys and terrorists, while protecting the innocents, and going in and out of a job quickly with minimum damage. So, a normal movie soldier of a seal. You know.

Well, after a mission, that was quite a success, it turns out it secretly wasn’t a success after all! Months later, his team is assassinated by Russian soldiers on American grounds. They go after John too, but they can only get his pregnant wife (Lauren London), as John survives. A Russian attack on American soil is a pretty big deal. Especially if it was ordered by a Russian operative (Brett Gelman), who they thought was dead. Ahh, America fooled again.

Now John is going to have to go on a secret revenge mission, get them back without starting a new world war. He has to make them pay for killing his friends and PREGNANT WIFE, you know?

Also starring Jodie Turner-Smith, Guy Pearce, Jacob Scipio, Jack Kesy, Jamie Bell, and Todd Lasance.

A man in a hand is worth a gun in the other.

I don’t think I have ever cared less about the death of a fictional pregnant woman than in this movie. I am not saying she deserved it or anything. But we barely get to know her as a character before it happens. And it happens early in the movie. After that, there is some grief and determination to get revenge, but it isn’t too believable. Jordan is too good of an actor to not have him focus on that anger grief sadness more and use it to tear the bad guys a new one.

Okay, the bad guys are teared into a new one. But it feels plastic. It feels like a generic action movie, because that is all that Without Remorse ends up being. A generic action film. I guess it being based on a Tom Clancy novel should have given that away. Not that I have first hand experience with any of the source material, like I already said, but lets go on and assume the plots are normally weak.

Despite Jordan being a good actor normally, there is little here outside of the standard action. Is there conspiracy twists? Sure. But they don’t make things more interesting. I don’t care about things setting up for future films when they can’t bother to get the first one right.

Without Remorse has action in a lot of dark places, so you’ll get to use your imagination, alongside many bullets for those who just like the action to be mindless while pretending it is more than mindless. (Note, this is not more than mindless). The people excited for this movie due to the previous ones or the books will probably like it as well, let’s leave it at that.

1 out of 4.

When one thinks of the word ‘virtuoso’ they usually put it towards piano, but it of course can be used for any music. We all accept that. Hell, it could be for any art form. You can be a sculpting virtuoso, or a cross stitching virtuoso, but I can’t imagine anyone likes cross stitching enough to be a virtuoso at it.

And with The Virtuoso, we have a movie about hitmen for hire, killing people. I guess killing people, to make it look like an accident, and never be seen or heard from could be like an artform. They made a game called Hitman, and the ability to cause deaths accidentally is graded on points, I think. I only tried playing it once and I did a bad job at it. Please correct me if I am wrong about the game Hitman. I wouldn’t want such a storied franchise with terrible movies to accidentally have something said incorrect about it.

Back to The Virtuoso. Oh, yeah. The review.

Some say I am food eating virtuoso. But I just think I’m a picky eater.

 

 

The Virtuoso is about a guy named The Virtuoso (Anson Mount). Awesome. Good plot. Head home.

We don’t get to know his name, or really any other names here. After all, we also get people with names like The Mentor (Anthony Hopkins) and The Waitress (Abbie Cornish). Our hero (?) doesn’t like to use names I guess, makes things too personal, everything is just a job.

He is a real detailed oriented person and secretive. It has a level of difficulty to hire him for a job, but that helps maintain his own anonymity and allows him to have a life outside of the job. And unfortunately, he gets “forced” into doing a rush job without a lot of proper planning, and that really throws him off balance in life, because extra people died who were innocents, and that is not okay.

Eventually he gets put on a new mission, that requires a lot of set up in a small area, and a lot of targets to take out. Maybe this will be his final one. He can’t get over the killing of innocents. Maybe this will be his swan song. 

Also starring Eddie Marsan, David Morse, and Chris Perfetti. 

 

 

“Hey! Come back here Mr. Two-Time-Oscar-Winner!”

 

The Virtuoso is narrated by the lead character, but done in a very unique way. I guess we are to assume that we are also the virtuoso, and it is more like a stage summary of events. “You look around the room, and check the exits.” You line up your sights and hold your breath.” This sort of thing. Him describing the process and letting us know what is going on. It was very strange at first, but it definitely grew by the end as an interesting tool and didn’t feel unnatural anymore. And also by the end it has a fun little payoff as well, so it makes the journey feel worth it in that regard. 

The Virtuoso is also relatively slow. The beginning execution where the disaster happens that gives our main character regret is relatively quick, but the main plot after that is a much slower build. I don’t know a lot about Mount in other films (but he was in Crossroads which I keep meaning to watch…) but he seems to be trying to play a role similar to Timothy Olyphant in Justified, in terms of coolness, but a lot, lot, quieter. Maybe it is just because their faces are similar to me. He is a fine lead, extremely stoic, but the side characters do a job of making this story interesting.

And in case you are curious, Hopkins is actually in this movie several times, not just a quick one or two scenes. Not just a big name grab. I did like Cornish in this one as well. She has a much bigger role in this film than anything else I have seen her in, and adds some unique plot to the story. 

Overall, if you are looking for a quiet drama with a handful of twists about an assassin, you will end up enjoying this. If you want something with more elaborate deaths, or more action, or more twists, then this one will put you to sleep. 

 

 

2 out of 4.

 

Dope is Death? Yeah, I can imagine that. I assume we are talking about heroin and not cocaine, although I am sure they are both overall death, but based on this movie, I don’t think there was a cocaine problem in NYC in the 1970s and 80s, but I could be wrong there as well, since I wasn’t alive then and I am not a drug expert.

But there was a drug problem, and there has generally been a problem with how the government responded to the problem. Addiction sucks. It usually is hard to break, especially without help.

And if the government treats you like a criminal for being an addict and doesn’t help? That is worse. If the government refuses to provide services to get you off of the drugs that have shown to help? That sucks too.

So this is a story about how a group of people took their health and their communities health into their own hands, because they were tired of being ignored, arrested, and left to die.

words

In the 1970s, the Young Lords took over a hospital in NYC. They held everyone “hostage” (no one is in danger) and the hospital still functioned, but they had demands. Demands to the police were heard and they opened up a detox center in their neighborhood to help get people off of drugs. It was busy, it was helping, and they also used it to help educate the youth and citizens of that area.

They focused on making sure whatever they could do to get people off dope, that they would try and learn from. The detox usually used methadone, but people became addicted to that instead, or quickly ended up back on the drugs after they finished. It was just a revolving door.

So based on knowledge from China and acupuncture, they copied and used a strategy to basically use acupuncture to detox off the drugs. It seemed to work, it didn’t mess with people emotionally and people seemed happy and content.

And then what happened? Well things got shut down cause of the man I guess, but I will leave what happened with that story for the documentary.

One of the notable people involved with this was Mutulu Shakur, step-father to Tupac, as one of the leaders of the movement before he got arrested in the 1980’s for unrelated reasons.

This documentary tells me a story that I certainly had never heard before this day. It interviews a lot of people involved in the process and gives those first hand expectations. These are all good aspects. But I will say, the clinic story and acupuncture learning and methods was a bit more of the…duller side of this story. I don’t know much about alternative healing, but I am pretty suspicious of it. And to have so much dedicated to that it just becomes something I can daze out a bit more.

I would have liked a lot more about the Young Lords and other movements at the time. More build up to the hospital take over and the other classes and community events they had to build and bring people together. Getting off drugs is cool, but you know what’s cooler? Seeing the positivity a community can generate and grow before the fuckers in charge mess things up.

Dope Is Death does still earn points for actually being about an event I haven’t heard about before, which is fascinating in its own right. A lot of docs tell the obvious story with slight new details, but this one was full of new stories for me to learn.

2 out of 4.

Click here for an interview with the director, Eion Macken. 

I keep getting the name of this movie wrong, Here Are The Young Men. This is a movie title based on a book of the same name. It is set in Ireland and I certainly have never heard or seen that book before.

However, I keep writing it as Here Come The Young Men. Slightly different, if not a little bit porn-y. That is actually the name of a song though. Unfortunately, I have never heard that song in my life, not even now that it has come up on my google searches a lot. At this point it’d be me admitting defeat.

Instead, let me rush right into this coming of age story. Or should it be an are-ing of age story?

Ah good, my crew, my blokes, my entourage.

Dublin is a fun place, assuming you live in Dublin or want to go to Dublin. It is probably not a fun place if you feel like you are stuck there and want to leave.

This story focuses on three friends, right out of high school and ready for the last best summer of their lives. This is the last summer where they might have the freedoms they do, and they get to do it as adults. Matthew (Dean-Charles Chapman) as our lead, Rez (Ferdia Walsh-Peelo), and Kearney (Finn Cole) who can be a bit of an extremist.

Their goal is to party harder than they ever have before. Nothing is off the table. Booze, drugs, booze and drugs, clubs, women, all of that, within reason. Only the girls part is within reason, because Matthew actually has a girlfriend (Anya Taylor-Joy). Everything else can be unreasonable. Heck, there can also be acts of vandalism and violence, if the feeling is right.

But this summer is not going to be one without strife, as the friend group also finds that not everything is necessarily alright with the members, and sometimes you got to cut people out of your lives if you want to grow as a person.

Also starring Conleth Hill, Emmett J Scanlan, and Travis Fimmel.

“Anya Taylor-Joy is so hot right now. ” – Jacobim Mugatu

To be honest, most people who stumble across this movie are going to do it because Taylor-Joy is in the film and is on a huge rise of popularity now. Which is great to see, but where were you all during The Witch and Split? These films were popular too, not even obscure indie films. That was my main reason for wanting to watch it. I always get curious if a big name in it is actually in the film in a meaningful way, or a couple of scenes and then heavily advertised. Taylor-Joy is the fourth most important character in this film, maybe third most even, but not a prominent character in a lot of scenes either.

Come for the Taylor-Joy, stay for the main two men. Cole and Chapman are both individuals who have been in things that people watch to varying degrees, but probably rarely given this much screen time before this point. They do both give strong performances, in very different ways.

I really loved the final scenes in the club. Once Where Do I Begin hit, it felt like the perfect song for that moment, and the whole film was totally on point as for that moment. While it  does nail the ending, I will say the chaotic way this film was edited and structured did leave me a bit more in the dark on the journey. The repeated talk show interruptions, while I understand their point, didn’t do as much as they probably hoped they would, and definitely began to leave a sour taste in my mouth. Those parts of the movie were the ones where I began to gloss over and lose interest.

Not a standard coming of age story in terms of how it is shot, and the lessons learned are ones most people don’t have to ever learn, thankfully. The chaotic story is shot in chaotic ways, with a real grungy feel at times, which  help enhance the story more than hurt. But at the same time, it is easy to get lost in the chaos at points and wait for a more structured return.

2 out of 4.

You love her,

but she loves him.

And he loves somebody else.

You just can’t win.

Love can stink, certainly, but what about if you have already found love? Do all of your problems go away, and you live happily ever after? Eh. Maybe.

Because now you have to be with someone forever, and have to trust them when you are apart. And if you cannot Trust someone, can you truly love them?

Oh hey, here are two of the four main characters!

Brooke (Victoria Justice) and Owen (Matthew Daddario)are a couple and lovers and everything is just, just swell. Owen is some level of famous, a new reporter. Brooke handles art deals and runs galleries. You know, a very white couple with careers featured more often in films and TV shows than in real life.

Brooke thinks Owen has been acting weird, because well, he has been. He goes out drinking a bunch and meets people. He may have met a girl. Owen also doesn’t trust Brooke as much, because she has to travel for her job. And her new client, and up and comer, Ansgar (Lucien Laviscount), is suave and lovely and people want him, it happens. He also does mostly paintings of naked ladies, especially ones he has slept with.

But Brooke also doesn’t trust Owen! She ends up hiring a service in order to check out his faithfulness. A P.I. is one thing. She wants to see if he would actually cheat on her if someone flirted. Using this service, she hires Amy (Katherine McNamara) to see she can seduce him for sex, but she won’t do that of course, just get it on camera that he is totally down to fuck strangers. But but but…she also actually wants to fuck Owen though, because they have previously met it turns out and now she might go all the way.

All of these relationships are bad and doomed.

Oh hey, here are two of the main four characters!

I could have sworn when I watched this that no famous people were actually in this. Justice is famous for things. I know it is Disney related, and I only recognize her name, not her of course. McNamara is in a bunch of CW shows (which explains her character a lot in this movie). And of course Daddario isn’t famous, but his sister is (And he is also in CW shows).

Trust plays out like a sexier CW show that can show some naked lady paintings. None of the characters have any depth to them. Everyone is pretty and everyone is shallow. No one can be described as a good person in this movie. And some of these traits doesn’t always equate to a bad film. You can have a great movie about all bad and flawed people. But this doesn’t fall into the character.

The acting is so off in this film. No one character feels believable, and the melodrama is saturated across every surface. That isn’t a great description, because sometimes melodramas have exciting moments, or moments of intense feeling, even if poorly acted. I feel like this is just four characters floating blankly through their momentary existence, and just are reading lines and getting a small paycheck. Nothing is genuine and the plot is weak.

So, just so I don’t continue to shit on CW, I will say the CW shows usually have some fun moments. But this one is void of anything interesting. It is worse than the average CW show.

1 out of 4.

Moooooooortal Koooooombaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!

I could write a whole review about the non-video game medium of Mortal Kombat, but that is not what you are here for. The first film, despite its flaws, is iconic, and gave us the theme. The second film, despite its bigger cast of characters, is a train wreck and shit, and we all wish it could have been better.

There was the cartoon, that as a kid I found really cool, and as an adult, well, never saw it again besides the few random episodes. There was a 90’s show that I saw a few episodes of as an adult, and didn’t try to watch a lot more after that.  And then there was Mortal Kombat: Legacy, an attempt to make it cool again, focus on the fights, and focus on the Kombat. I still haven’t seen that, because I suck, but I did buy the whole thing on Blu-Ray to watch eventually. Apparently the release of this film was still not the right time.

Regardless of the quality of video game movies and how they always end up disappointing, I was excited to give this new movie a chance. One rated R and ready to give us Fatalities.

 

I always liked picking hat-guy in the game, so I could throw his hat.

 

Like before, Earth is about to get fucked. There is a secret tournament that happens, and if Earth loses ten times in a row, we are all gonna die, basically. And you know what? We have lost the last NINE times already. That is some pre-movie shenanigans. So the stakes could not be higher.

Lord Raiden (Tadanobu Asano) is in charge of protecting the Earthen realm from interference, but as an Elder God, he can’t just go and defeat the bad guys for them. Sad.

This movie is actually about a new character, name Cole Young (Lewis Tan), so his powers are a secret until the movie lets us know them. Secret secret secret. He is married (Laura Brent) and a father (Matilda Kimber), and he is a washed up MMA fighter, who takes on shitty fights for $200 bucks and usually loses. But he has this dragon mark, which means he eventually is going to participate in the tournament for Earth’s existence, but he had no idea.

Tournament shournament though. Because Shang Tsung (Chin Han), leader of the Outworld forces, is going to make sure the next tournament is a cakewalk. Nothing permits him from going and getting his guys to kill the main fighters before the tournament even starts. Time to cause a ruckus! Oh, Shang, you rascal.

So what cast of characters do we get in the film? We have Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee), Jax (Mehcad Brooks), Cano (Josh Lawson*), Liu Kang (Ludi Lin), Kung Lao (Max Huang), Sub-Zero (Joe Taslim), Scorpion (Hiroyuki Sanada), Mileena (Sisi Stringer), Kabal (Daniel Nelson), Nitara (Mel Jarnson), and Reiko (Nathan Jones).

 

No Baraka? I demand Baraka! Gimmie those blade hands.

 

People who want a Mortal Kombat movie want a few things. They want a nice cast of characters. They want a lot of fights. They want their fights to be bloody, long, with moves that the characters use in the movies. They want these battles to be cool and surprise. They want goddamn fatalities. Someone has to say Finish Him. Maybe even Fight.

And at least on that front, I would say this film certainly delivers.

It was cool, we had a variety of characters, some more charismatic than others. We got to see some people start off strong and some grow into their powers. We got some magic.  We have a few fatalities and some deaths, not all of which are surprising. And it is good to finally get some bad Sub-Zero, we keep getting good Sub-Zero, and that is silly.

But I am leaving still a bit disappointed. Why is that? I don’t think I got a complete story.

Obviously the plot is going to be a weak point in a movie like this (Despite the video games being steeped in their own timelines and history, I am sure there are winners in that). But when it was over, I more asked “That was it?” to myself and it left a sour taste. Technically my plot description of the movie is accurate, but I still found it awkward where  it ended. Because this is not a guaranteed film series. Most are not, unless they film it all at once. We aren’t guaranteed a Mortal Kombat 2. And if we were, I don’t care. I am not a franchise reviewer, I review the movie. And this movie doesn’t give a complete story.

Come in for the fights, and stay for the fights. But be disappointed when the sequel never happens (And if it does, statistically, it will be a lot worse based on the history of these films).

 

2 out of 4.

 

* How in the hell did they make the nerd guy from House of Lies into an amusing and deadly Kato? Holy shit Josh, well done.

Here is an ongoing thing that we are learning more and more as the years go on: The FBI organization has traditionally, really fucking sucked.

Under the guise of national security, they can see or do anything they really felt like, with rarely any oversight from other departments or even the president, to fuck around with people they thought were threats. This year we already have had two different releases that showcase these facts. It was Judas and the Black Messiah and The United States vs. Billie Holiday. Set in different parts of the 1900’s in America, about how popular and/or revolutionary black individuals would get harassed and threatened and even killed thanks to the FBI.

And then we have this documentary, not a film a documentary. MLK/FBI. Either this is a math problem, or the slash is meant to show them as being on opposite sides of one another. And depending on whose point of view, that seems to be correct.

Hey! There is the guy who this movie is about. 

The reason this documentary can even exist is because at some point, I don’t know how it works, classified FBI files become unclassified and we can see the fuckery that went down. And they had a whole lot of files on MLK. A lot more than are currently open. I can’t remember the exact date, but it was some time in the late 2020’s when the rest become public technically, and we are gonna probably need a sequel documentary at that point.

And that is one major gripe I do have it. This documentary doesn’t get to tell the full story (Which should be available in a few years) (and that full story should be worse) because it came out too early. It is good to know now, for those who didn’t, some of the tactics the FBI used to try and ruin the credit Martin had been building up through grassroots movements and good oratory skills. They tried to get him to kill himself, and break up his marriage, anything to have him back off his talk of equality.

That really blows.

Obviously in any of the stories of American Civil Rights, a large swath and portion of the American people end up being the bad guys who don’t allow change and don’t get over themselves. That would include the government. But it is still a hard realization to really get and accept. I accept that the US government has sucked in the past and will likely suck in the future and all of that. I acknowledge it and I want all the truths to come out so things can be fixed and healed.

And I am going to be so pissed to find out in 60 years the the FBI is doing shady bad stuff in this decade or last. If that is true, I hope whatever keeps allowing this to happen gets stopped.  Because it can be awfully hard to be a “proud American” if your country decides to ruin every chance of progress and togetherness that comes its way.

2 out of 4.