Month: July 2013

I’d argue that there are two really “big” coming of age indie movies competing for top dog status this summer. The bigger of the two is The Way, Way Back, as it was written by the same guys who brought us The Descendants a couple years ago. The lesser known movie is The Kings of Summer, written by Chris Galletta, who is writing his first movie.

If you are surprised that we have a first time movie writer, stop it. They are called indie films for a reason.

Indie films tend to include forest dance scenes and drum solos, right? Being in high school can suck. Why? Well, your life is changing, you feel like an adult, but you still live with your parents. You just might lash out against your parents. Like Joe (Nick Robinson). His mom died a long time ago, and his dad (Nick Offerman) is now dating. He is also a bastard and has become very strict in his single parent raising. His sister (Alison Brie) has already moved on, but he is stuck with him for at least three years more.

Patrick (Gabriel Brasso, from The Big C) has a different problem. His parents (Marc Evan Jackson, Megan Mullally) are over bearing. Not in any mean way, just nice. Way too nice. Really fucking nice. Also they are ridiculous, it is just hard to feel alive under their care.

Eventually, Joe has the idea to build a house in the woods. Not just some lame tree house either. A real house, with two stories, multiple rooms, and they can live there, by their own rules, live like MEN. You know, hunt their own food, boil their own water, the whole nine yards. Biaggio (Moises Arias) is there too, neither of them really know him, but they are afraid to tell him to leave.

We have a few kids, building a house in the woods, and attempting to live on their own. They of course will also discover a bit about themselves, their family, and maybe what it means to be a man. Potentially with the help of Kelly (Erin Moriarty), a fellow high school buddy. We also have Mary Lynn Rajskub (most well known as Heartfire from season 4 of Arrested Development) and Thomas Middleditch as the head cops on the missing kids case.

The race to grow the best pedo-stashe is on. Coming of age films tend to be hit or miss with me. They are popular for both indie and mainstream movies, so to have a great one nowadays, you really have to offer up something new. Not just another misunderstood kid with big dreams.

The Kings of Summer takes the running away story, and well, runs away with it. For the first time movie writer, his dialogue was pretty top notch. Full of memorable quotes, I found myself looking for a piece of paper in the theater just to write some of the absurdly funny things I heard.

Witty comedy doesn’t make a complete film however, so the plot has to also stand on its own. I was afraid I would be dealing with a lot of teens who thought they were god’s gift to suburbia, the standard definition of first world problems. Thankfully, I found myself agreeing with Patrick and Joe, at least a little bit, and thought leaving home made sense for both characters.

It wasn’t perfect though. No, I would have changed the ending a lot. It was a bit too cliche at that point, which made it feel off from the rest of the movie. I am also pissed off by the romance element in the film, although it is more at the naivety of youth, and not for being actually bad. In other words, it hurt me square in the feels.

But despite that, The Kings Of Summer is wickedly funny and unique. For sure, it is worthy of at least one viewing, if not two in your summer line up.

3 out of 4.

For those who have the time, please watch the Trailer for Phantom. Did you? No? Too lazy? Fair enough.

Well, it is short, less than 90 seconds, and extremely crappy. Like, seriously, the quality is very low, it looks like a made for TV movie. Or a strange episode of Last Resort. I had to sit through this trailer multiple times in theaters, just for it to not even touch the state of Iowa (I think). Normally when I review a DVD movie, I try to have it within a week of coming out, but this one took several. I didn’t take me awhile to watch it, saw it the next day it came out. Just apathy after the fact. Super deep apathy.

About as apathetic as an old Russian on a submarine in the winter, I’d imagine.

Demi (Ed Harris) is an old Russian naval commander. He has done it all, and only a little bit with submarines. After all, this is only the Cold War now, and submarines aren’t that old yet. Well, he has had some problems in the past, and just got back from a voyage. He can only have one mission left before he retires, and it involves using an older submarine as well. Literally the day after he got back. Shit. Same crew. Sucks to suck. Also, some KGB agents are going to join them as well. Bruni (David Duchovny) have a secret mission on the sub, and can’t tell anyone about it. Yet.

Well, eventually it is made clear. The Russians have developed a new technology, that when turned on, will reflect a different signature when other objects use sonar against them. So when a USA submarine comes near, the sub thinks they are some commercial ship. Whoa. Phantom technology, lets them have stealth submarines. That is useful, but why is that important?

Oh, because they want to pretend to be a Chinese sub, send Nukes against America, and start a new war while being in the clear.

Aww yeah. Wait what?

William Fichtner plays the second in command. Will the crew do the unthinkable, or turn against their own government for a task they feel is wrong?

Who is that on the line David? Your agent? Your life has sucked since The X-Files? Huh, go figure.

I don’t want to spend a lot of words on this movie. It hurts my psyche. It was boring and dull. Submarine movies tend to be at a disadvantage, because the viewer tends to be stuck in a small vessel with them. So there is no change in scenery. Small amount of actors, limited drama, limited threat.

It was strange to find out they were Russians. I normally don’t care about accents, but because the whole thing is in English (thankfully not a Russian movie), I am surprised there are literally no accents. Everyone talks as they normally do. I couldn’t even fathom they were all Russian because of that. At least trying for an accent is better than nothing, I’d say.

Simple film, maybe worse than a made for TV movie.

1 out of 4.

Despicable Me 2 might make the most money out of any CGI movie this summer, so it is kind of a big deal. But does it deserve that money?

The kid vote does not count, damn it. Despicable Me 2 starts us off soon after the first film. Gru (Steve Carell) is no longer a big bad villain because he has three kid to take care of, and he has had a change of heart. In fact, he has turned his whole secret laboratory into a secret jelly making factory, complete with free minion workers. With overheads that low, he can really make a splash in the market.

Unfortunately, the change in operation has left Dr. Nefario (Russell Brand) with no joy in his life, so he leaves Gru to pursue other opportunities. Speaking of pursuing other opportunities, Gru gets kidnapped by the Anti-Villain League. Silas Ramsbottom (Steve Coogan) wants Gru to lead an investigation on a disappearing arctic base that is researching chemicals that can cause ordinary creatures to become terrible beasts.

He would also get a new partner on the case, young and bubbly Lucy Wilde (Kristen Wiig). Oh yeah, she totally has the hots for him, too. This movie is mostly about Gru as a single dad and afraid to date. This provides many scenes of him avoiding the neighbors and awkwardly flirting with Lucy. Sure, maybe the world is threatened if this formula gets in the wrong hands, but love is also important.

Benjamin Bratt leads his vocals for El Macho / the mysterious Salsa Dancing restaurant owner who looks like El Macho, Ken Jeong as a mysteriously short wig salesman, and Kristen Schaal as a mysteriously well endowed blind date for Gru.

Spoiler, he does not choose the well endowed blind date by the end. Illumination Entertainment made the original Despicable Me in 2010, and is what they are most known for. That is because before Despicable Me 2, they have only made two other films, The Lorax and Hop, both ridiculous flops (and a bit terrible). So it makes sense they are already doing a sequel, and are releasing a spin-off titled just Minions in December 2014. What doesn’t make sense is how they have the rights to so many Dr. Seuss based movies down the pipe line, when they did so badly with their first chance.

Speaking of the Minions, did you love them from the first movie? They were arguably the best part of the first film, and quite cute. They have made sure that they advertise the fuck out of these minions for the sequel and eventual spinoff.

Basically, everywhere I look, there is a Minion based toy, gizmo, commercial, because “Hey, they are cute!” They recognize the best part, gave us a movie with potential for rich new characters, but then threw minions at our faces until we had to get new 3D Glasses. There is an overabundance of minions in this movie. They are in every scene, part of every plot point, and potentially in this movie more than Gru. It turns the entire movie into mostly slapstick based humor instead of witty jokes, which doesn’t help rewatchability or entertainment.

Basically I believe the main character is pushed out of the spotlight, similar to how Cars 2 was handled. At no point in the movie is he even considered despicable. In fact, he is rather admired and chased by women, loved by his family, and just a good guy. The plot is really straightforward, and you will figure out the main bad guy well before the reveal. The bad chemical itself was inconsistent with how it works, where it could have been fixed with a sentence of dialogue.

Long story short, Despicable Me 2 is not really about Gru trying to save the world from a threat (although he does that as well) it is more about Gru the single dad finding love. With minions. So many minions.

 

1 out of 4.

After I saw Tai Chi Zero, I was immediately excited for the sequel, Tai Chi Hero. I knew they were filmed around the same time, and part of a planned trilogy (of which the third has not been announced yet, peculiar, hmm).

I was a bit disappointed that the first film wasn’t a “steam punk martial arts” movie as advertised. Only very barely. But to recap the first movie, we got a guy, going to the Chen village, to learn a very special Kung-Fu. He defends the down, despite not knowing the Kung-Fu, and can sometimes turn into a demon when his tiny horn things get hit. Yeah boy. Let’s continue, damn it.

Aw shit. This movie has fancy beat sticks.

Yang Lu Chan (Yuan Xiaochao), formerly The Freak, is ready to learn the famous Chen Kung-Fu! But they still insist that only actual villagers can learn the martial arts, no outsiders. So they set up an impromptu wedding to marry Lu Chan to Chen Yu Niang (Angelababy), famed daughter of Master Chen Chang Xing (Tony Leung Ka Fai), who he is smitten by and totally saved last movie.

Why are they afraid of outsiders? Basically, back in the day, one or more of their former students went total asshole on another village, and hurt a lot of people. They came back pretty mad, embarrassed their students, and promised that if they ever taught any outsiders again, their village would be doomed. So teaching only their own family and kind was a way of protecting against that. So people are still afraid that Yang Lu Chan learning the art will kill their town.

Remember Fang Zi Jing (Eddie Peng)? Probably not, those are sounds that don’t sound familiar. Well he was the bad guy who was from the last movie. He is pissed that he got defeated, so he teams up with the East India Company and Duke Fleming (Peter Stormare), who is upset over the death of that one chick from the last movie. So he is now a governor, has an army, and lots of cannons.

Aw yeah. Can they defeat the threat that is bigger than the last one? Can he learn the Chen Kung-Fu? Because he would totally have to use it to beat a whole mess of new people, a gauntlet type of situation, to prove the fighting style’s legitimacy. That is kind of just tacked on to the end.

The scariest part of this movie is that Peter Stormare is in it. Who the fuck saw that plot twist coming?

Here is the main differences between the two films. The first film is pretty silly, with crazy fighting, video game references, and it was entertaining. The plot was weak. In the sequel, they want to expand the plot, the universe, and so many back stories. There is a lot more drama in this one, enough for me to take out the Comedy tag.

The problem is that this film almost feels like a strange rehashing of the first film. The ending is completely rushed, and unfortunately the most entertaining part. The final fight scene on top of the…small tiny walls (I am not sure what to call them. Partitions?) was excellent.

Now, I did not know that this (eventual) trilogy was meant to talk about the beginnings of Tai Chi, when it was apparently first just a variant of Kung-Fu. So this is supposed to be a very exaggerated and crazy, true story. Kind of. I guess that is interesting, but it is not something made clear at all in the first film.

I think this is definitely a weaker film than the first, in terms of entertainment. The fight scene at the end was dope. They also decided to get rid of his cool, demon crazy fighting ability half way through the movie. Not sure why. I guess because they never really used it at all. I feel teased. Super teased. Still decently well done though. Hopefully part three is a musical.

2 out of 4.

Sync up your William Tell Overture Finale folks, it’s The Lone Ranger time.

Although I never listened to the original radio series, or watched the TV series, or other movies, The Lone Ranger himself is pretty ingrained in American Pop Culture. A hero to the old American West, and a franchise that Jerry Bruckheimer has decided to take under his wing. After all, if it proves to be a success, he could release a new Ranger movie every three years, similar to his current Pirates of the Caribbean trek. Just think of how much money Johnny Depp will make from both franchises, too.

If explosions were dollar bills…

In Colby, Texas, the great American Railroad is coming through, bringing prosperity and happiness to the small town. Their goal is to connect the East with the West. John Reid (Armie Hammer), a district attorney from the big cities, is returning to his hometown to reconnect with his brother and brother’s wife, Rebecca (Ruth Wislon).

What poor John did not know, is that also on that train was famed bandit cannibal Butch Cavendish (William Fichtner), who is finally going to be hanged for his crime. There is also this Indian named Tonto (Johnny Depp), but he is a bit more mysterious. After a train robbery, Butch is back on the run, and it is up to John Reid, his brother, and a gang of lawmen to bring him back for justice.

Until something goes wrong. Terribly, deadly wrong. Somehow, John is saved, and Tonto explains to him that he is a spirit walker, who cannot be killed according to his beliefs. Tonto also wants to bring Butch to justice, so they team up to right wrongs and save the day! Speaking of trains, Tom Wilkinson plays Cole, the railroad tycoon, and Helena Bonham Carter a bordello mistress. Fun fact, this is the first time Carter and Depp have been in a film together that was not directed by Tim Burton.

It is also the first time Depp has worked with this horse.

After watching The Lone Ranger, I really just want to listen to famous, old classical music. Major props to Hans Zimmer for rocking out another great movie soundtrack, something I don’t bring up a lot in my reviews.

I will start with the negatives first. This movie is 149 minutes long. What! A lot of the film is set up, in order to introduce us to the character before he dons the mask, a little bit about Tonto, and a whole lot about his brother and his old town. It is necessary, I guess, but it could have easily been shortened. The film uses the method of unreliable narrator, as a much older Tonto is telling the story on how he first met John. The idea itself is a neat one (and allows for more crazy situations) but the method of delivery just feels hokey to me.

Thankfully, the positives far outweigh the negatives. Hammer and Depp have great chemistry. Tonto is not just a secondary character but an equally important one. They have the appropriate throw backs to the original series while also doing their own thing.

But the best part of the movie is by far the climactic train ending. The final chase is incredibly long, but so meticulously planned and detailed that it was hard to stop smiling the entire time. The director had many gorgeous shots of the landscape, like a classic western, including setting parts of it in the Monument Valley as a different type of throwback.

The movie will also give you plenty of screen time with Armie Hammer, who is currently rumored to be the new Ant-Man or Dr. Strange, upcoming heroes/movies Phase 3 of the Marvel Universe.

Although this film has had many negative reviews, I’d say give it a chance. Especially if you have three hours (movie and preview) to waste on these hot summer nights.

 

3 out of 4.

Bieber Bieber Bieber.

I found myself surprised that Mr. Bieber had a second documentary coming out to DVD. The first one was pretty big news, Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. Hell, it made me tear up a bit, and was in 3D. It made over $10 million in the box office, I am pretty sure (which is a lot for that type of movie). A lot of mother fuckers saw it. A lot of them probably saw it multiple times.

However this documentary is a different beast. Justin Bieber: Always Believe. For some reason it isn’t called Always Beliebe. Missed out on the pun, fuckers.

Anyways, this one went straight to DVD. I am pretty sure it was made for TV, and probably was on TV first, but I literally cannot find out which channel made it or showed it. I really can’t find it. Finding info on this fucking documentary is basically impossible. Which is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of problems.

This picture reminds me of the Nick Cage rape eyes pic.

Holy shit. I might have been scammed. There is a different documentary called Justin Bieber: All Around The World that exists and came out last year. But this one I can’t even fucking find on IMDB. But I totally watched it. What the fuck is this shit?

I think this is a fucking fake documentary, trying to make money off of people, despite you know, not being sponsored by Justin Bieber in any way. Here is how I know. One: Justin Bieber isn’t even in this movie. I cannot tag him. He has created no new content, no special shows, no intereviews for it. The only way he is featured is fucking repetitive photos shown while people are talking (each photo shown at least 5-6 times probably, they keep popping up), and old interviews when he was like, sixteen.

Most of the documentary is how he has matured, how his music fits a wider audience now (not just little girls), and his love of hip hop in his new CD. But you know, features only interviews of him when he was 15. Not even Usher is in this movie, despite how much he is talked about.

What is talked about? Two things mainly, after his love of hip hop. How much swag he has, which was probably said over twenty times in 65 minutes, and his relationship with Selena Gomez. Unfortunately, they don’t talk about how they aren’t together any more, so it ends happily, unlike Katy Perry: Part Of Me. What’s even worse about the Selena Gomez section, is they show a clip of them on some random red carpet together, over five times. THE SAME FUCKING CLIP. AGGGH!

Speaking of fucking repetition. To make matters worse, they also repeat the clips the interviewers say. So these people I never heard of (random producers, internet bloggers, company people), don’t even have enough material for the 70 minutes to talk about. At least twice did I hear them repeat an interviewee clip. What. The. Fuck.

I can’t describe this documentary’s legality at all, but it made it on the “Coming Soon” June list for dvd releases at the local rental shop. Like officially printed by the company. Shit, maybe Family Video made it and that is why it exists? I wan’t to review the legitimate documentary that I missed, but I don’t want to see anything about Bieber for a long fucking time. This is seriously one of the worst things I have seen. Never Say Never looks perfect in comparison.

His Swag looks perfect in comparison.

0 out of 4.

Some people will assume I watched About Cherry only because of its provocative DVD cover, of which I will leave up to you to look up on your own.

Those people would be right.

Seriously, that’s the reason.

You see, she has been a naughty girl, and people need to acknowledge that fact in this movie.

Angelina (Ashley Hinshaw) has recently just turned eighteen, and you know what that means! Time to throw away all responsibility and do what you want. Who cares if your mom is worried? Who cares about money? Oh wait, Angelina cares about money. That is why she agrees to do a sexy photo sheet for some necessary cash. Oh yeah, it turns out she likes it too.

So she convinces her friend (Dev Patel) to move to San Francisco with her, where they share a room and an apartment with another boy. Angelina goes to work at a strip club, not as a skeezy dancer, but as a waitress. That is where she meets Frances (James Franco), a rich lawyer who totally wants her. Woo, sugar daddy.

Oh yeah, and she starts doing adult films too. You know, solo stuff, strip scenes nothing too dramatic. Until she does BDSM with other women only. Not with dudes, that would be strange. Until she progresses to dude stuff too. Oh yeah. Penetration. Either way, her life keeps going up, her friend starts to hate her, her man starts to hate her, but Heather Graham doesn’t hate her. Heather Graham plays a director, who thinks she really has the “Stuff” despite only being eighteen.

Franco knows whats up. He loves the young ones. Francos a sick man.

Guess what, this movie has breasts in it. Ashley Hinshaw’s and some other women. But that is about it, really. It is a movie with some boobs and little else. The drama seems fake and forced. The message is uncertain, and the characters are lame. The ending is also a let down.

But boobs? But nothing. National Lampoon movies have boobs, but also occasionally they are entertaining. Yes through humor, but dramas can be entertaining as well. This one just isn’t. It is boring, and although I never moved to California become an adult star (that you know of), I doubt it happens that way so casually. Short review, for basically a short waste of time. Ashley Hinshaw is hot though.

1 out of 4.

The Miami Heat recently won their second consecutive NBA championship. A lot of people don’t like them, but that has nothing to do with this movie.

The Heat (Trailer) is a female buddy cop movie, following the style of most buddy cop movies before it. Two completely different people, having to work together for some bureaucratic reason. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.

Oh yeah, they also definitely won’t get along for most of the film.

FBI Special Agent Sarah Ashburn (Sandra Bullock) has closed more cases than any other agent in the last few years. So when news comes out that her boss (Demian Bichir) is getting promoted, she realizes that his spot is now up for grabs. Too bad she is arrogant and selfish, so much that no one else wants to work on her. Being a boss is more than being smart.

So she is sent up to Boston, to find out the secret identity of this really big drug dealer dude. In Boston, Detective Shannon Mullins (Melissa McCarthy) had just apprehended a small time drug dealer (Spoken Reasons), but she doesn’t realize that he is just a pawn in the chain. She also doesn’t care, because Ashburn is a [not nice woman]. Chain of command is stupid if people are going to be mean about it.

Eventually the two realize they have to work together if they are going to get anywhere, or else the bad guys win. Marlon Wayans has a small role as another FBI agent, Michael McDonald as a bad guy, and Michael Rapaport as a brother of Mullins. Basically only “M-named” actors.

Bullock is packed with guns in this movie. I don’t mean those things that fire bullets either.

Surprisingly, Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy had pretty good chemistry together even though one is a veteran actress, the other a relative newcomer to the scene. Melissa McCarthy has actually had roles in movies since 1999 (the cult hit Go), she just didn’t get really noticed until her roles in Bridesmaids and Mike & Molly. I recognize her comedy talent, I just personally think her improv isn’t as good as others might.

For example, watch the trailer. Roughly 1 minute in, she has a tiny rant to a guard in a prison, something clearly improvised and it is supposed to sound menacing/threatening, but it actually makes no sense. There is nothing humorous about it once you actually analyze it. I have only had the time to analyze it, because The Heat has only had one trailer since they started showing it roughly in November.

Thankfully the version that was in the movie was a bit better, but there were a few more examples of improv from her that just missed the mark completely.

On its own it was a decent buddy cop movie. Each successive new one just tries to outdo the last one with a new gimmick. Unfortunately this one’s “gimmick” is that they are women, which is a terrible thing to say out loud but it is true. The Heat at least earns its R-rating thanks to the words that come out of McCarthy’s mouth. The good news for those who absolutely loved the movie is that the sequel has already been announced. While it has its funny moments, I think it doesn’t stand out on its own to really differentiate it from any other buddy cop movie.

 

2 out of 4.

Happy America Day, for Americans! I had my review of White House Down yesterday, because sometimes there are better things movies to do for a day such as this.

God. Bless. America.

Maybe the movie was chosen on the title alone. Maybe the movie has nothing to do with extreme patriotism, and it is going for irony? We will just have to wait and see.

Well, it certainly looks American so far.

Life is raining down shit on Frank (Joel Murray). He is divorced, his kid doesn’t want to visit him, he works entirely with mouth breathers, he has brain cancer, and there is nothing intelligent on TV. I wrote about those things in order from least important to most important. But seriously. TV is the worse. All singing competitions making fun of special needs people. People like Steven Clark (Aris Alvarado) who will be the unfortunate talk of the movie for being a bad singer.

We got reality shows, “news shows” that belittle their guests and are just mean. But lets not forget bratty teenage girls. The. Fucking. Worst. Like what his daughter will probably be.

These bitches all just deserve to die. Especially before Frank.

So Frank goes and kills a teenage girl.

He does this in front of Roxy (Tara Lynne Barr), another sixteen year old girl, who thinks it is basically the best thing ever. But he shouldn’t stop there. No. They need to rid the world of everyone who is lame. Like people who say rockstar. Or give high fives. He just dislikes people who are mean. They are the real ones who need to get shot.

Like mother fuckers who talk in the movie theaters. The worst of the worst.

Or people who profit billions by making fun of bad singers on television and just being unlikable assholes. Yeah. Let’s make that the main goal.

Mission Accomplished.

If anything, I can say that God Bless America is definitely an experience unlike one you have ever…experienced before. From start to finish, I was both surprised and taken aback at the lengths that the Frank and Roxy went through to just deliver a little bit of justice.

Sure. You could argue that this movie was made just as a long long rant by the writer/director. Frank goes on many monologues about what is wrong with society, and they go to great lengths to show you all the worst aspects of TV and put you on par with the character. People might get annoyed, but I found myself captivated by the dialogue.

The violence is also pretty great. Sure, most of them are just people getting shot with guns, but some are done in quite creative ways.

There are negatives, sure. The ending was a bit more anticlimatic, in terms of how it was filmed, not the result. It just seemed a lot less epic than I would have thought (which could be on purpose). I might be a bit disappointed that not enough people died in their spree either. But I am just a violent American, so that doesn’t matter.

Either way. Go America, go Independence, go this movie.

3 out of 4.

Some people enjoy eating competitions, fireworks, and BBQs for their Fourth of July celebrations. Not me. As a heavy movie consumer, I tend to spend a lot of time watching patriotic movies. You know which ones I am talking about. The kind that cause you to get out of your chair and start chanting U-S-A at the top of your lungs, or maybe even run down your street with an American flag (usually reserved for the Olympics). I am talking about the big heavy hitters, like Top Gun, Rocky IV, The Mighty Ducks II, Red Dawn, and of course Independence Day.

Which is why I’m glad we have new movies coming out around the same time as the festivities, that only want to help us express that pride we have deep down inside ourselves. What is more patriotic than a movie involving an attack on the White House, by Americans, for Americans? My fellow Americans, I give you, White House Down (Trailer).

(PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA)
“I’M SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER MY FREEDOM BULLETS!” – Tatum

The movie takes place in a time when America is dealing with a lot of conflict in the Middle East. AKA, modern day America. President James Sawyer (Jamie Foxx) wants to be a great man and known forever in history. He has decided to pull all of the troops out of the Middle East and also offer up a peace treaty for around twenty countries in that area. It is a pretty bold move that has a lot of people angry, including the vice president who will quit if it goes through.

John Cale (Channing Tatum) might not think too highly of the new order either, after all, he served three tours in Iraq/Afghanistan himself. But now he is back to living in DC, working as a body guard for the Speaker of the House (Richard Jenkins). His dream is to work for the secret service, the highest honor in the land, especially since his daughter Emily (Joey King) is obsessed with politics, and he wants to get back on her good graces.

But while on a tour at the White house (lead by Nicolas Wright), a bomb explodes on the Capital building, putting most of DC on lock down. Too bad a group of mercenaries have all infiltrated the White House to take the president prisoner. Why you might ask? Plenty of reasons, just pick one. Surely it isn’t just for money though. Either way, it is time for John Cale to prove himself capable of being a member of the Presidential Guard, or else there might not be a country to save.

We also have Maggie Gylenhaal as a head secret service agent, James Woods as the Head of the Presidential Detail, Jimmi Simpson as a big bad hacker, and Jason Clarke as a mad mad mercenary.

Yep. Everyone in this picture will kill someone by the movies end. For America.

I am not allowed to review White House Down without mentioning Olympus Has Fallen, which I loved. It had great action, it was tense, but it still had its weak moments. Olympus Has Fallen was a much more serious film, whereas White House Down is going for Action/Comedy and is much closer to being a Die Hard variant. It isn’t rated  but even the smallest details seem to be throw backs to Die Hard. Just look at Tatum himself. His garb mimics Bruce Willis in the first film, with the white tank top and ruffled hair as seen here.

Roland Emmerich is used to bigger disaster films, so I am surprised he was able to contain the destruction to basically only two buildings. Despite the small scale, I found myself at the edge of my seat as Tatum and Foxx were running around the White House trying to be action stars. Foxx’s character wasn’t as much of a bad ass, as he is the President, but he has a few moments.

But here is what I didn’t like. The run time is over two hours, far too long for this kind of movie. I think the main problem lies in the pre-explosion intro, which dragged on and on, trying to set up everyone’s story. None of the twists are really too surprising, as it fits a very common formula. I didn’t see the last twist coming, only because a twist there felt nonsensical. The final twist was also a bit rushed and a bit anti-climatic.

Regardless, I am willing to state that both White House invasion films from 2013 are probably worthy of a watch, at least once. This one has a limo chase seen on the presidential lawn, while Olympus Has Fallen has a limo fall into an icy river of death. The difference in limo usage probably highlights the main differences in the films. I wouldn’t describe this as a “dumber” version of OHF like other critics, but it definitely takes itself less seriously.

I am looking forward to 2014 when I get to see two versions of Hercules. (Hint: You can already tell which one will be better).

 

3 out of 4.