Tag: Drama

The initial trailers for The Counselor quickly caught my eye, but one thing really bugged me: I had no idea what the movie was about. It looked like some combination of drugs, sex, high life living, and death, I guess.

In fact, if the trailer was just a tad bit more artsy, I would compare it ahead of time to the very strange Killing Them Softly, but from the trailer it looks like it might just be another Savages.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. It is worse than both of them.

And they didn’t even have Pitt in a cowboy hat. It turns out that this movie is indeed about drugs, sex, high life living, and death. I guess the trailer told me all I really had to know, for once.

The main character goes by Counselor (Michael Fassbender), so try not to get confused. He is a lawyer, a decent one, but lawyering doesn’t pay the bills. Not if he wants an extravagant lady like Laura (Penelope Cruz) in his life.

So he dabbles in the drug trade a bit, doing some smaller deals to get extra funds. His hook up for these trades is Reiner (Javier Bardem), who loves to show off his wealth and posessions. He is currently with Malkina (Cameron Diaz), a sex crazed woman, who owns two pet cheetahs.

Well, the Counselor decides he is only going to do one more deal, a much bigger deal than normal, worth over $20 million. He wants to marry Laura, so he wont be able to keep up his secret lifestyle.

But when has “one last job” ever worked out for anyone? Brad Pitt has a small role in this as well, as Westray, a middleman between Counselor and the drug king pins.

Some people will watch the movie for the plot. The actors in this movie are all fantastic professionals at their craft. Thankfully, they all act wonderfully in this film and I won’t think less of them because of their roles.

No, this mess of a film has to be blamed on Ridley Scott and Cormac McCarthy. Strong words, I know. Scott is a fantastic director, but this movie is no where close to his finest work. McCarthy is a great writer, and most of the films based on his novels have been excellent, but this is his first time writing a screenplay. Somehow the two of them managed to mess up a great thing and produce a film that feels like a waste of time and talent.

What is wrong with the movie? Basically everything.The editing, the plot, the dialogue, and the resolution.

I only cared about one character, Laura, and that was because she was too naive to realize what she was getting in to. Or she chose to ignore it all. Yeah, the rest o the cast members are all immoral people, but many movies have made me at least hate those bad characters and want them to face justice in some way. In this movie, I don’t care if they get out alive or not. The development doesn’t give me any reason to care.

My biggest problem with this film is that it doesn’t end up making a lot of sense. The plot has holes everywhere and the only major scenes only happen due to coincidence. Things go badly for this drug deal but because the movie doesn’t explain a lot of important details, it took me awhile to realize that any characters were actually in danger. In a movie about drug deals gone bad, you should be able to realize when the deal has officailly gone bad (and that the deal has even started).

The Counselor won’t tarnish the good names of Ridley Scott and Cormac McCarthy any time soon. No, this film will instead be swept under the rug quietly in a few weeks and promptly ignored.

 

1 out of 4.

Another day, another unknown straight to DVD movie release, where I recognize someone on the cover.

At least As Cool As I Am is a phrase that almost sounds like it could be said by a human being.

Almost.

This movie fits in with Cracked.com’s theory on the actor, unfortunately.

Actually, this movie is about a family that isn’t your normal family. You know, like most movies. Lucy (Sarah Bolger) likes being from an unusual family. Her mom, Lainee (Claire Danes) is mostly stay at home mom, until she gets a job as a telemarketer in this movie to ease her boredom. Her dad, Chuck(James Marsden), is a lumberjack, and gone weeks at at time, only able to come back for a week before going back on the road. He must make decent enough money for that type of commitment to be worth it, I guess.

Anyways, Lucy is becoming a young woman and wants to experiment with her sexuality a bit. She kisses a boy. She then kisses her best friend, Kenny (Thomas Mann) who kisses back.

Aw, they are now dating.

And the rest of this movie involves awkward situations between her and her friend, her and other friends as she starts to fit in amongst other boys, and the falling apart of her parent relationship. Then it ends!

You recognize the mom from Homeland. You are welcome.

Awkward teen relationships. That is basically the entire point of this movie. That is a lie, just a small part. The other small part is her own parents relationship and how it affects here. The rest of the parts are about nothing much at all.

About nothing much at all? That is right. I am having a hard time describing this movie just because overall, not a lot happened, and then it ended. Hmm. Some arguments, some sex, then end of a movie. If it was a much better movie, it could be the type that just ends and gets away with it, if there was powerful acting, or anything worthwile, but that isn’t this movie. It is just pointless, and I’d want my money back if it ended up costing me anything.

Ahhh…okay. I do like that it is another movie where James Marsden technically gets cheated on. Dude’s been typecasted in such a weird way.

Also, there was a theme in this review. Pretty easy to figure it out. Was also really easy to do.

1 out of 4.

I might have heard of Valhalla Rising a few years ago. Those two words I definitely know exist, so I think I knew this movie existed.

But it wasn’t until it was requested by a friend and found on Netflix did I actually finally get around to it. Here is my knowledge going into it: Violent violent violent!

What? This doesn’t look violent at all!

Valhalla Rising is told in six parts: Wrath, Silent Warrior, Men Of God, The Holy Land, Hell, and The Sacrifice.

Really, that by itself probably serves as an adequate plot outline. Just imagine those sections and vikings and your probably get the whole movie.

Our story is about One Eye (Mads Mikkelsen), the only character who really gets a name. He has one eye, because the other got slashed away. He is also mute. But he is a bad ass warrior. But a prisoner, until he was able to escape and kill his captors. One Eye wants to head home, and won’t let anyone get in his way. What about The Boy (Maarten Stevenson), who fed him as a slave? He can follow, sure. Why not.

Eventually they meet up with some Crusaders, journeying to Jerusalem. Free boat ride.

Oh, yeah, One Eye totally has visions too of the future, and has been using that to decide which path to take, as his visions continue to come true.

Valhalla Rising: Norse and Christian spirituality, combined with violence.

Based on the earlier description, this film is way different than I imagined. In fact, it reminded me of another film I watched recently. Only God Forgives.

Shit. It is Nicholas Winding Refn, the same director of that and Drive. Basically, he has shown to make movies many would consider very violent (but this one didn’t feel that bad), while also avoiding names, having high levels of cinemetography, and slower parts to really draw out certain emotions and feelings.

Basically, it could be hard to watch. You won’t get to simply half ass watching it, or else you won’t get anything out there. Yes, some of the fights and conflicts are violent, but they are not the main focus of this story. It is kind of a story of redemption, but not really, of one mysterious figure.

I think too much of this story is left up to the viewer, and not a lot happens besides it. It bugs the shit out of me. Yes it is pretty, and yes the acting is decent, but not enough happens.

Overall, I liked it more than Only God Forgives, because I understand this one more, but not as good as Drive. It’s on netflix, might be worthy of a watch. It is okay overall, just…I thought it could have been more entertaining in the long run.

2 out of 4.

Movies based on true events are always a tricky endeavor, especially if those events are within the last few years. If they are based on a single person, who happens to be alive, then it can get all sorts of awkward.

Julian Assange, the founder of Wikileaks is currently living in the Ecuadorian Assembly in London. If he ever leaves, London is going to send him off to Sweden for what he claims are bogus charges, who are then going to send him back to the US for all sorts of “War crimes.” If you never heard his name, and don’t know who he is, then The Fifth Estate is probably the movie for you!

I wouldn’t describe this as a thinking movie, but there are a lot of thinking scenes.

Despite being about Julian Assange (Benedict Cumberbatch), this film is told from the perspective of Daniel Berg (Daniel Bruhl, who was also just in Rush). Daniel started to work with Julian in 2007, drawn into the idea of Wikileaks, which was a way for whistle blowers to anonymously report wrong doings and keep their identity secret so that they can not face repercussions.

A nice idea. They want to make the world more transparent, allow everyone to have secret information, and protect those that give that information. But what if WikiLeaks becomes more about Julian Assange than the original message? What if they don’t care about protecting lives anymore?

It should be noted that the movie is based on two books that came out in 2011, one written by Daniel, who was no longer with the company, both with a negative bias towards Wikileaks. Because of that, it is hard to say how much of the events in this film are accurate in their portrayal.

Despite their now aggressive relationship with each other, we get to see into the workings of the early years of Wikileaks, their volunteer army, their expansion of servers across Europe, their battle against banks and in the courts for free speech and some of their biggest scoops. It also tells the story up to including the famous Afghan War Diary, its biggest scoop, that was taken from the government by Bradley Manning.

As far as other actors, I guess they are important enough to mention. Laura Linney, Anthony Mackie, and Stanley Tucci all play various US Government employees, Lydia Leonard and Moritz Bleibtreu (from Run Lola Run / In July fame!) play other members of Wikileaks, and David Thewlis the main reporter for The Guardian who is covering Wikileaks.

Bunch of lookers too, but not in the way that phrase normally means.

Needless to say, Julian has gone on record to say he doesn’t agree with his own betrayal in this movie, calls it one sided and a smear campaign against Wikileaks. He has at least one point going for him: If powerful organizations want to discredit Wikileaks and cause it to lose trust in citizens of the world, then discrediting Julian as a bad person is one way to go about it. They mention it in the movie, and he says it in real life a lot.

In fact, the ending of the film is Benedict recreating an interview that was done with Julian, about his thoughts on the film. Sure, it made the movie end weirdly, but encouraged the viewer to do their own research on the subject. Kind of meta, kind of cool.

Of course, Julian also hasn’t seen the film, just read several scripts, so I can’t take his word completely either.

The Fifth Estate definitely makes Julian look like a dick, but also a guy who more or less has his heart in the right place. He wants to make the world a better place, but at the same time he is only human.

I think the main problem with this film is they made this story far too melodramatic that it almost made it seem either over the top, or just no longer real. The film even comes complete with “visual metaphors” because making movies about the internet and data is pretty hard without making it look silly. So there are many scenes of a warehouse, almost infinite in size, with desks and computers showing the Wikileaks army at work. What I am getting at is they still end up just looking silly.

Benedict did an excellent job at acting as always, really doing his best to imitate Julian and also seems to be a fan of the man from interviews. There is a documentary coming out eventually, We Steal Secrets: The Story of WikiLeaks, which may give a more accurate portrayal of events. But until then, we are only left with this okay melodrama, about a man and his website.

2 out of 4.

This may not be a popular opinion, but I am willing to say it: The original Carrie is not that scary of a movie. Or at least it isn’t scary anymore.

When it first came out it was probably shocking, sure. Part of the reason it would have been terrifying is not knowing the bloodbath that would occur at the end of the film. There was no internet, spoilers didn’t run rampant, people could watch it and actually see something new.

You’d be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t know how the original Carrie ends. They might not know the finite details or how it occurs, but they know blood gets dumped on a poor girl, who then takes out a school who bullied her.

So why bother with a Carrie remake in 2013? The only real reason is to either change the story so that audiences won’t see the ending coming or ramp up the creepy details to a new notch in order to make it more of a horror film. You know, give us a different reason to remember her name.

“How do we make Julie look crazy?” “I don’t know…frazzle her hair a little bit!”

Carrie (Chloe Grace Moretz) came from humble beginnings. She used to be home-schooled, but the state of Maine intervened and forced her to go to public school. Not sure why. Her mom (Julianne Moore) was a perfectly adept teacher. She taught Carrie about Jesus, God, and she even gave her a nice tiny prayer closet under the stairs to “study” in.

Despite the fact that she is a senior in high school, she gets her period for the first time in gym class. Must be Satan at work in her loins. The other girls find her fear amusing, make fun of her, and promptly get in trouble by the gym teacher (Judy Greer). They have two options, put up with a week of grueling physical activity, or get suspended and miss prom. Clearly neither option is ideal, and it must be Carrie’s fault putting these girls in that situation.

Which is why the mean girl (Portia Doubleday) and her boyfriend (Alex Russell) do the whole dump pigs blood on her head at prom thing. That’ll show her.

That’ll show everyone.

Gabriella Wilde plays the nice “mean girl,” and Ansel Elgort her boyfriend.

Huh, she looks cute in red. Really, the reason anyone came to see this movie was to watch the prom scene and see the path of destruction that Carrie would lay in her wake. The rest of the film could be boring, but as long as the prom scene is excellent, the director will have delivered. The prom scene is longer in this version, there are more creative deaths with less hoses, and there is more destruction outside of the school, but miraculously a lower overall body count. Huh.

Basically, this film is identical to the 70’s version in terms of…well most things. Even the dialogue is basically the same, minus the upgrades in time/technology.

The few things that are changed are who lives and dies at the end, one other “twist”, and making the mother a bit of a masochist. Okay, a huge masochist, she loves that self infliction stuff. Basically their attempt at making the film a bit more creepy throughout.

Overall, I would say that this film was a bit disappointing in that it was made so similar to the first film (and maybe the book, no idea on their closeness). It really doesn’t add anything new to the mythology, and was made to upgrade a film literally everyone already knows the plot about. I hated most of the no name actors, but surprisingly I enjoyed Ansel Elgort as the nice boyfriend. He was so good at being kind to a weird red headed girl.

If you are looking for scary movies in theater for Halloween, unfortunately Carrie is your only hope. Somehow, this is the only horror movie the entire month.

2 out of 4.

I only saw the trailer for The Spectacular Now once, but I knew immediately I just had to see it. So many reasons really, but I could tell ahead of time it might be something that I would enjoy.

Damn it, now my bias is showing. I am so embarrassed.

Not as embarrassed as these two when they realize that car is rolling down hill.

Teenage romance. A typical film plot line, but maybe not so typical in this film.

We have Sutter (Miles Teller), life of the party, everyone’s favorite joker, he lives in the NOW. Oh hey, movie title. He could apply to college, but that can happen later. Not like college is anything special. His girlfriend Cassidy (Brie Larson) was one of a kind, and everyone loved them and they loved each other. Until his easy goingness got him in trouble and she dumped his ass, this time for good.

So Sutter does what Sutter does best. He drinks away his problems, and has the night of his life, maybe. He passed out, waking up on a lawn thanks to Aimee (Shailene Woodley) with his car no where in sight. Also, who the fuck is Aimee?

Some girl in his grade, he doesn’t really know her, but she knows him. Life of the party. Well, Sutter is on the rebound, and thinks he is a nice guy, so he starts to hang out with her and invite her to things. But that dang alcohol keeps going down into his stomach, so next thing you know, he has kissed her and invited her to prom. Did I mention he still kind of likes Cassidy still? Yeah, he is a jerk.

Broken homes, broken dreams, Sutter has a lot of growing up to do. He is going to be eighteen soon, and his life needs to change for the better before it is too late.

His family is played by Jennifer Jason Leigh, mother, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, older sister, and Kyle Chandler, missing father. Shit, even Bob Odenkirk is in this movie, but just a little bit.

Huh, I wonder if she made her prom dress out of the same material of that shirt? Or I guess she really likes yellow.

Ughhh. Fucking movies these days going for realism. A different amount of realism than they were back in the day. Back in the day, actors might have mumbled their lines, or messed up their words, and they would keep them in the take, because that shit is natural. That doesn’t happen as much anymore.

No, this is realism in a different way. I am sure each take took multiple times, but more ad libbing or something is now allowable for these actors. There is no way a lot of these dialogue scenes were read word for word, it just can’t be true. They flow really well and they all seem like things people of that age would say. I know its hard to understand, but it is hard to explain. I smiled throughout the film, due to the realism of the characters and the dialogue.

The film shows drinking in a negative light, but they also explain why the drinking happens, and you don’t hate the main character, you feel sorry for him, and you understand. Until he is a dick to Aimee, no, then you hate him again. So much rage.

The film doesn’t follow the standard path films of this description tend to take. There are some obvious moments, but there are other moments that come out of no where, like a bus from Mean Girls. The acting by our leads was fantastic, and I was also impressed with Kyle Chandler in his smaller role. Shit. It had a lot of stuff going for it. I am worried I might start thinking Miles Teller is a real actor now.

4 out of 4.

Small Apartments is another example of a film I picked to watch merely on the bizarre cover. Nothing really out of the ordinary in terms of subject matter, it was just faces of a few cast members. But those faces? Those faces were weird looking.

A bunch of actors I recognized, just all slightly off. I was ready for a dark comedy, or just strange film. Or at least, I thought I was ready for that jelly.

Basically the first scene of the film. I WASN’T READY!

Franklin Franklin (Matt Lucas) lives alone in his apartment, in an apartment complex of weird people. He isn’t any different. He really loves Switzerland, wants to go there, has the giant fucking horn thing and everything. He also is hairless. Relevant? Not sure. He also has the dead body of his landlord (Peter Stormare) on his floor.

He is surrounded by other odd folk, like Tommy Balls (Johnny Knoxville), a junkie with an almost philosophy degree (who is banging Rebel Wilson on the side). There is Simone (Juno Temple) who sometimes spies on Franklin, and flirts with the local convenience store employee (DJ Qualls). Let’s not forget about Mr. Allspice (James Caan) who I guess is just mean. That’s not really weird.

Shit, I could tell you more, but its just…Weird stuff. Weird stuff happens. Conspiracies, and investigators. Burned bodies and burned bridges (that second part is a metaphor, but the first part is literal). We also have James Marsden, Billy Crystal, and Dolph Lundgren.

I never realized Knoxville had the eyes of an angel.

I think I already said this, but man, this movie was weird. I really wasn’t prepared for it in any way.

Everyone was so odd, I just had such a huge quizzical look on my face the whole time, wondering what was happening and why. This is based on a book. I am going to assume the book is equally odd.

I am going to say that based on how rustled my jimmies were, the movie did its job. The actors, in particular Matt Lucas and Johnny Knoxville, were really excellent in this movie.

The issue is, because of its weirdness, I never really felt like I could get behind it. It didn’t really interest me in watching for a movie, it just piqued my curiosity a little bit. A movie I will remember for a little bit, but forget unless it is specifically brought up. A shame. And I feel weird saying the only reason I dislike it is because I couldn’t really get into it, but hey, it’s my website, so sometimes I have lame reasons. Hah!

1 out of 4.

I think it goes without saying that I picked up this movie to watch based on the title alone. Well, you’d be wrong, internet reader.

No, although tantalizing, the title of Sexy Evil Genius was not the reason I picked it up. I actually picked it up because it had five actors on the cover and I recognized ALL of them. Pretty shocking. So I figured, why not give this straight to DVD film a shot?

Here are two of those people now! Remember them? They were both on Buffy! The 90s, guys!

Nikki Franklyn (Katee Sackoff) is an interesting woman, the topic of our film, and the last person we get to meet.

Zachary Newman (Seth Green) dated Nikki in high school, and even eventually lost his virginity to her. But they drifted apart, she lied to him, and then dumped him, and he hasn’t seen her for over ten years.

Marvin Coolidge (Harold Perrineau) dated Nikki a few years later, they loved Jazz, played instruments together, drum circles, free spirit, beach bumming, the whole nine yards. Then she lied to him, dumped him, and he hasn’t seen her for years.

Miranda Prague (Michelle Trachtenberg) dated Nikki soon after Marvin, but now she was on Heroin, lying about stalkers, drugs, wild sex parties, you named it. Her relationship started on lies, and continues the whole way through, until Miranda broke up with her after too much.

But she has invited her exes to this bar on this night to make a few announcements. Sure, she killed the man she dated after Miranda, who she also claimed was a stalker. But she is better now. She has fixed her mind. She has found a new lover, Bert Mayfaire (William Baldwin), a lawyer. Well, her lawyer who got her out of a jam. And they are getting married.

Oh, and she is going to kill someone again tonight. One of the five people at the table, including maybe herself.

Here are the other three people. Their TV shows were from the 2000s. Except for William. Fuck him.

I was told this movie was basically a much softer version of the movie Sushi Girl. Never heard of it! But eh, guess I have to watch it now.

Or at least both films have in common that they take place entirely in a restaurant/bar with people conversing. This movie had flashbacks to help tell the story, can’t speak for Sushi Girl. It almost reminds me of My Dinner With Andre, but that one is a lot more real, and I never saw that movie, so I would be lying.

This film? It was kind of interesting. A bit. It had its moments, mostly near the beginning and the end. The middle? I thought it dragged on far too long once the entire party arrived, and I was just waiting for it to end. It was really hard to keep my interest, so I might have missed an important plot point, but really don’t think that is true by the end.

Honestly, this movie would have made much more sense if it was only 70 minutes long. A nice premise, but far too much filler and waiting for it to end.

2 out of 4.

Joss Whedon is a sly bastard.

While working on post production for The Avengers in 2012, he had to take a vacation via his contract. What did he do on his vacation? He fucking filmed this movie, Much Ado About Nothing, in twelve days. TWELVE! A WHOLE MOVIE! In secret!

Who makes a film in secret? That guy does.

For those of you who don’t know, Much Ado About Nothing was also a film in 1993, but it had stars like Denzel Washington, Keanu Reeves, and Robert Sean Leonard (when he was known as that guy from Dead Poet’s Society, not Wilson FROM House M.D.).

That version wasn’t bad in any real way. It was super Shakespeare. It was done well, and everyone did good. Yes, even that guy.

Basically the best actors the world had to offer us in 1993.

Ah love. Love is grand. And sometimes leads to marriage. That is the goal of one Don Pedro (Reed Diamond)! He has fallen madly in love with Hero (Jillian Morgese) and has vowed to win her hand in marriage, but he needs some help from his friends.

Oh wait. That goes on as planned pretty easily (minus some second act shenanigans and mix ups). That is because they are not the main characters of the play/movie! No! It is Benedick (Alexis Denisof), friend of Don Pedro, and Beatrice (Amy Acker), friend of Hero! Both are known for their wit and their disdain for love and fairy tale endings. Nonsense all of it! Well, weddings take some time to plan, so Don Pedro, his friend Claudio (Fran Kranz) and the others get a bit bored with the wait and decide to play a game. They will make Beatrice and Benedick fall in love with each other!

Ha ha, emotions! Hilarious!

Well, yes, other things happen in the progress. But who cares. We got people being tricked into love! Who cares about the rest? Sean Maher plays the mean spirited Don John, Clark Gregg plays Leonato, Hero’s dad, and Nathan Fillion plays Dogberry, the constable.

Oh yeah, it is filmed differently too.

So, why did Joss Whedon choose to make this secret movie? I have a theory. I think he just really likes this story, and damn it, he wanted to do a modern Shakespeare movie. Simple as that. This is one of the clearest definitions of a pet project I have ever seen. He made his first black and white movie, a movie with a script he didn’t write (technically. He wrote a screen play…but you know. Not really), it has a lot of his actor friends, and it was done in secret. I seriously still can’t believe that.

Now, the question I ask is…did this movie need to get remade already? There are a lot of Shakespeare plays, and many that don’t have plays. We are about to get our fiftieth film adaption of Romeo and Juliet (roughly). The answer is no, it didn’t have to get made, but no movie has to get made.

For me to really enjoy this, I would hope that this film offered something new. Well, new wise, it is filmed in black and white, and in a modern setting. There is also one subtle big difference, alluding to the past of Beatrice and Benedick, that I am pretty sure has never been done before. But honestly, it doesn’t feel like enough. Modernizing this really didn’t mean much when it is just a big house party, really. Unlike Coriolanus, which was definitely changed for a modern way, and Romeo + Juliet, which was beyond weird.

The acting was decent. It was a bit weird seeing all these people we know from other things doing Shakespeare, but that is to be expected.

I just don’t think this was different enough or unique enough to be considered really great.

2 out of 4.

My initial thoughts on seeing the trailer for Captain Phillips:
“Hey, wasn’t that a real story a few years ago? Probably. Is there enough for a whole movie?”

My next thoughts on Captain Phillips after seeing three different trailers:
“Come on, this is already a true story,sure, but why’d they give away the entire movie in these trailers? There is nothing left to tell!”

My thoughts when I saw the run time:
“133 minutes? For fucks sake. It’s just a boat capture and rescue mission. This going to be super drawn out.”

My initial thoughts after watching the movie:
“Fuck. That was good. Even the bad guys were good!”

Bad guys = good. Stay with me here.

Travel back in time with me kiddos to the year 2009. Yes, very far back indeed. Somalia was all sorts of fucked up. Civil war, strife, there are no rules there anymore, just warlords, and they have turned towards piracy. A lot of boats sale around Somalia, and those boats can either A) Have lots of money of valuables on them, or B) be taken ransom to gain money and valuables.

Captain Phillips (Tom Hanks) has a big cargo ship, full of crates, but it is a lot of aid to give to countries in the area. They are big, they are alone, they are a target.

Led by Muse (Barkhad Abdi), his crew of three others (Barkhad Abdirahman, Faysal Ahmed, Mahat M. Ali) storm the boat to try and get rich or die trying. Like 50 Cent.

And you know. Shit eventually happens. They stall for as long a they can, and try to keep everyone safe and not injured, then the Somalians take Phillips in a life boat and sale back to Somalia for ransom time. This becomes a big national story in America, the president gets involved, and eventually the Navy SEALs are called in. Then stuff really starts to hit the fan.

I feel awkward explaining the story. Im going to stop that. Michael Chernus is the second in command, and Catherine Keener plays Phillips’ wife, but she only has like, one scene in the film.

What’s that you see, Tom? Is that an Oscar for Best Actor you see in the distance?

As you can see, I went into the film thinking it was overhyped. I mean, it just didn’t look appealing. Despite it being a cool story, I thought the story would make for a poor film. And, I was worried about the historical accuracy. We get to see the pirates before they even leave Somalia, when they decide which groups will go out searching for ships, and all of that jazz. Well, one of the four pirates did survive the attack and is currently in prison. I guess he could have told the story and filled in the gaps from their point of view, but I doubt it. Most likely, the movie makers filled in their own gaps to tell a better story. Which is fine, but curious.

Obviously it is so that we realize that these people were humans too, who had their own reasons for doing this, and they aren’t inherently evil. Always a good message to reiterate.

I didn’t go into the movie thinking I would cry, but that sly mother fucker Tom Hanks acted his way into my heart. To me, the movie did start a little bit slow. I was intent on looking for areas to cut, and I think some scenes early on weren’t too helpful and weren’t that interesting. The acting from Hanks looked like it would just be him doing a funny voice and being a panicky older gentleman.

But the second half. Dat second half. Oh man. Basically just after the pirates made it to the ship, the acting from everyone was kicked up a serious notch. I loved the captain of the pirates a lot, who displayed great emotions of fear, anger, and guilt. But Tom Hanks when he was in the lifeboat just crushed every hope I could ever have of being happy again. Okay, that is extreme, but I felt that when it was close to the climax. I was scared. I was sad. I was even sadder after he was rescued and realized he is finally safe. He just. He just acted so fucking well, damn it.

Really, I am not sure how much I liked this movie, but I will give it the 3 just to be on the safe side. It is probably 4 territory, but there is enough small stuff early on to limit it a bit. Still worth the watch solely for Tom Hanks’ ability to pull on those heart strings.

3 out of 4.