Tag: 2 out of 4

First off, I must say I am absolutely disappointed this is not a sequel to Bad Santa.

They are pretty much the same title after all. What is next? Halloween not being related to Halloweentown?

The trailers I saw were also very misleading. They made it seem like it was about Jason Segel, a gym teacher, trying to get it on with some slutty/drunk Cameron Diaz. But he is barely in this movie, and it is mostly about Cameron Diaz. She quits teaching to get married to a rich dude, who breaks up with her, because she is shallow/golddigging. So she has to go BACK to teaching. But what does she need to get wealthy men? Oh yeah, a boob job. But first she needs more money. No, whoring never crosses her mind.

Enter Justin Timberlake, nerdy christian dork who is the heir to a watch making fortune, who has lost his way and is a substitute teacher. Later in the movie he plays a (bad) song, and that is when I remembered he isn’t actually an actor, but that singer guy in that band. He does a good nerdy person, despite you know, not being one at all. I also feel like Jason Segel is barely in this movie. You know while watching it what will happen by the end, but it doesn’t make it a sensical ending.

The thing you have to realize is Cameron Diaz doesn’t like teaching. So she is a Bad Teacher. She just wants to be rich without trying. I would like to thank this movie for reminding me what no movie has done since The Mask that Cameron Diaz can be super hot.

“So if you like the beat, take a lesson from Cuban Pete and
I’ll teach you chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky-boom, chick-chicky boom.”

Phyllis is also in this movie, and pretty delightful. Also, Cam from Modern Family is hilariously different, but no good pictures exist on the internet of his role. Unfortunately it isn’t as funny as I hoped, only a few scenes. So it is good for one watch, just probably not a thousand watches.

A lot of the time lower budget movies will have less money. Almost 100% of the time that is true, actually. This is not an exception. Most of the time the grittiness from lesser cameras works against the overall appeal of the movie, but this may be one of the cases where it kind of makes it better.

I am not a fan of most action movies, especially the ones who try to think they are better than action and try to have a plot, but the plot usually fails. Overcomplication is probably the problem. Arena says screw overcomplication. Lets have some bloody fights!

Like this. But less fat people not wearing shirts.

In this world, there is an underground fighting network called Arena. It is secretly located but broadcasts over the internet. After all, the most interesting fight is the fight for survival. The organization, lead by Samuel L. Jackson, kidnaps the downfallen of society and trains them to be brutal and fight other combatants. The audience votes on if the loser should be killed, and also bets on the outcome, generating income for Mr. Jackson. No one wants to be in here, as it means certain doom. Thankfully Kellan Lutz is promised freedom if he wins ten fights in a row, including killing blows.

There are a few twists in the movie, but nothing to write home about. The endings you cannot predict, because they purposefully don’t show you any clues that would suggest it. Daniel Dae Kim is in this movie too, as a prisoner/fighter, although uncredited (at this point? Probably by request).

If you like bloody violence, the fight scenes in this movie feature a lot of blood. They fight in computer generated scenes, with real weapons, based off the surroundings. The construction site weapon choices were particularly interesting. A lot of the fights are cut short, but that is because over 10 fights with one dude to the death would be ridiculous to watch completely. Also, if you like a whole bunch of naked womens, this movie has a bunch.

It also has a few, not so subtle, references to other movies.

You could argue that this movie explores how acceptable violence is in America, and the downfall of society, but that would just be bullshit.

I must say I have actually been bamboozled into watching this movie. I got excited. I didn’t look at the cover, but when I saw the tagline “Even a Serial Killer Can Win The Lottey” and found the first Lucky movie I could find, I found this. Huh. That sounds interesting. Especially if a serial killer DID win the lottery!

Oh. But I got this. Damn it, this is just a regular comedy about a serial killer who also wins the lottery! Oh well.

Colin Hanks plays the lucky man. Which I think we need to examine in itself. He plays a Serial Killer in this movie. While also playing a Serial Killer in Season 6 of Dexter. Is Colin Hanks being typecasted as a Serial Killer? Well. I guess there are worse things to be typecasted as.

Like how Flynn is typecasted as a rapist.
Typecasted by me.

He hasn’t killed many people, but one of the people he does kill has a lottery ticket which ends up winning the big bucks. All of the while, the love of his life not only lives across the street but also is his boss at work. She doesn’t give a flip about Colin, and maybe that explains why every. single. person. he. kills. is similar in height, body type, and looks to her? Maybe. I am not a psychologist.

After he makes it big, she of course falls for him. Using her charm, she naturally gets her way back into his life, so that they can marry and live in luxury! The woman is played by Ari Graynor, who I have seen in other films but never really remembered. To me she made this movie. Her fantastical crazy spirit really did it. From bitch, to fake wooing, to figuring out he is a killer, (to afraid), to crazy. All of the emotions are set to eleven, and it is apparent she is actually working that character.

The ending was kind of unexpected. In a good way. Jeffrey Tambor plays a detective looking for the dead woman killer.

Maybe what I like most is that this film asks the eternal question: Which is worse, a serial killer or a gold digger?

We all know Kanye’s answer.

2 out of 4.

This movie focuses on a about a week in the life of a West Philadelphia Café. About 96% of the movie takes place inside this cafe, through the conversations of the patrons. This is probably the most diverse cafe ever, as it has more than just hipsters.

These are the normal Cafe patrons that I am used to.

Movie magic is the only way to describe how Jennifer Love Hewitt can be a barista. Jamie Kennedy she was dating at the time, so he is also in this movie as “sketch guy”. There are tons of characters though, from guy who looks like a fat Jemaine who is flipping out about reality, to lady trying to hire people for some urban kids program, to a cop, to his drugged out cousin, to two strangers who met at a movie, to a writer who just wants to write about whats going on, to the other barista who really wants some of that Jennifer Love Hewitt.

This movie opens with tragedy, and then starts off a few days earlier so the viewer can watch the events that transpire up to the tragedy. You know, because it wants to be a non nonsensical movie. The part that intrigued me the most when I read the cover was that the last line of the synopsis mentioned something like: “…and then they even begin to question if their lives are even real.” What?

WHAT?

Is this some drama/sci-fi movie out of no where? I watched it just to find out.

Well. “Just” is a strong word.

Turns out that last line ends up being a lot more than just some smaller thing, but a big piece to the whole movie. While watching it, I was able to guess certain events would aspire. Parts are definitely cliche, and parts are just silly. The ending however is off the wall. While it is happening, you think it is just a piece of shit obvious ending. “Oh no, don’t do that!” you will say to the movie. Then it does it and you get mad. But then it goes just one step further to give a different ending than you may have expected. That is why I am giving it a higher rating. It is trying to go for something different, despite the cliches. I like trying.

Also a big shoutout to the chick from Flipped, for being in this movie as well. She’s gonna be a star!

I hope everyone reading this review thinks the same thing I am thinking of. First, check out what Terri is. Hopefully your first thought is: Hey, is this the sequel to Angus?

Look at that bitches face on the left. She is shocked at the connection between the two movies as well.
That connection being fat people.

Okay so this movie has nothing to do with Angus. My bad.

Terri (played by Jacob Wysocki) is a very large 15 year old kid. Given his size, it should be obvious he doesn’t fit in and gets teased. It doesn’t help that his home life is a mess. Knowing nothing about his parents, he has to live with his old senile uncle. Creed Bratton of The Office! At this point he is only wearing his pajamas to school, and showing up late, while remaining super apathetic. Enter John C. Reilly, school principal.

John also ends up being kind of a guidance counselor, and sets up weekly meetings to meet with Terri. He also meets with other kids who are fucked up. Including Chad. Something is wrong with Chad. I hate Chad. If you watch this movie, Chad will make you sick too.

Thankfully (?) Terri also gets a friend, the hottie of the school, because no one else wants to talk to her after she got fingered in Home Ec.

Forcefully fingered.

The movie is full of awkward events, that make you hate and like the characters. It shows you that the people who try to help aren’t perfect. It shows that even the main characters can have deep seeded issues. And it really makes you hate Chad. Damn Chad. Just wanted to punch him in the face. But what makes this movie good? Despite being slow, it does in fact make you feel.

Watch out everyone! This film is secretly a foreign film!

I heard the Canadian barbarian tribes paint themselves before every ice fishing tournament.

Yep. A Canadian movie. That technically means foreign. The High Cost of Living is a pretty weird foreign indie film. The only notable star in it is of course Zach Braff, as he loves this kind of shit. This time instead he plays a drug dealing american in Ontario or Quebec. I think the latter. Because the other main star is a French Canadian lady. Who is many weeks pregnant!

Unfortunately, thanks to drugs, going down the wrong way of a street, and sudden contractions, Braff ends up hitting the woman in the middle of the night. He freaks out. Has drugs in the car, so flees and calls an ambulance. The woman loses her child from the accident. These aren’t spoilers, just the beginning.

What happens then is watching the woman feel super distant from her husband, who she thinks doesn’t care. Braff cares about what happened, so he tries underhanded means to get to know her and find out information, eventually becoming her friend.

Twisted, I know. As any movie with a secret like that, of course the truth will eventually come out near the climax, and you have to watch how they all deal with it.

The film counts as foreign, because at least 1/3 of it is probably subtitled for French Dialogue. Damn you sneaky subtitle movies!

The ending, while kind of predictable was neat. It teaches us that crime never pays.

Finally the review, maybe one of you was waiting for. After all, I kept talking about other actors in other movies being in Scream 4 as well, but never having a review for Scream 4. Might have made you rage.

I imagine that this is what my readers do on a daily basis.

Scream 4 takes place many years after the first Scream movie. Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, and David Arquette all return as their same roles. Arquette and Cox are now married! Cox is no longer a reporter, but a writer. She wrote the Stab books that the Stab movies in the movie are based off of. Arquette is now Sheriff! And Campbell has wrote her own autobiography of the events, and is now famous again.

So famous that she is returning to the scene of the crime for the first stop in her book tour.

But then, TRAGEDY STRIKES!

And he left the comedy mask behind.

New Ghostface killer. New teens. New victims. New “rules”. Starring more new hottie hot hotties, such as Hayden Panettiere, Alison Brie, and Emma Roberts. Also includes smaller cameos from Kristen Bell, Anna Paquin, and Aimee Teegarden.

Holy shit clickable links. If you are keeping count and know Scream movies, you know a lot of those women are going to die. Not much else to say about a Scream movie. This is definitely better than Scream 3, but maybe on par with Scream 2. Not enough pop culture references for my liking. This will probably remain the only “horror” movie I review too.

If you didn’t know, each one of these movies does have a different title. This one has no “The” or “The” making it the 4th movie in the franchise. Only reason I went back to watch this one was because because Fast Five was coming out soon, and I want to see that one, while also making sure I don’t get confused with the plots.

Afterall, these movies are known for their hard hitting material and for making you think.

I might have missed something at the beginning, but does Vin Diesel kill the trucker in his first heist attempt of the movie? That’s horrible. I can’t feel good about Vin Diesel doing that cool car stuff, if some trucker doing his job gets killed because of it. What the hell, morals! [I have been told that the trucker may have jumped out of his truck. But he would have jumped out from a very fast moving truck, into a rocky/desert like ground. More than likely he died just from that as well, and not the resulting tumbling 18 wheeler of fiery doom. Still. Bad Morals, Vin.]

This movie tried to have more plot in it than 1/2. Not so much about street racing and thievery racing, but more about the FBI! And Mexico! And drug smuggling! And stopping the mentioned things (using street racing). If I can say anything, it is that this movie is definitely better than 2 Fast 2 Furious. That sucked. Not sure if it is is good as 1 and 3 though.

What probably lessened the enjoyment for me was the two underground tunnel racing/driving scenes. All that does to the situation is make it a lot more dangerous for them, but confusing for me. If they are pretty much in a tunnel, that I don’t know the route and map for, then I can’t anticipate, and I have to assume they are just driving fast in a straight line. Open world racing, much more exciting. Paul Walker was pretty much the same in this movie as he was in one. Working for the Man, and hating Vin Diesel.

The races were so bad, it is impossible to find a good picture of them, because no one cares.

2 out of 4.

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Says I as I read the back of the cover. “How can this movie be only 85 minutes? To do a good Gulliver’s Travels, you should probably do at least 3 hours, honestly! What is this,” Asks I, “Does he only go to the small people and big people island?”

That’d be like writing the ginger and hotchick out of the Harry Potter movies.

Yes is my response, and yes is the unfortunate truth. And by big people island, he barely does that. This movie isn’t even close to the book, so it’s ridiculous to share the name. Made for kids. Pah. I think they just wanted to have the break out of being tied down scene, which they could do anyways with creative common licenses by now. 12 or so minutes was wasted getting to the island, and then the rest of the movie, just him and the little people.

I liked all the big names down there. Hah. Big Names. Jason Segel played the tallest of the little people. And the evil general (Chris O’Dowd) for most of the film, until treason, I just felt sorry for. It could just be because he was my favorite part of Bridesmaids and did very well here too.

I don’t know what I was expecting. I guess something that actually used some of the source material, not just what anyone would be able to tell me about the movie. There is a lot of interesting stuff there, and they will probably just make a bunch of sequels, doing bad versions of them too. The only reason I am giving it a higher rating than 1 is because I liked the rendition of War. Sounded fake, but watching them all dance in unison with a tall Amanda Peet was awkward and good.

Just please don’t ever try to tell me Jack Black would make a legitimate world traveler/writer ever again.

Unless he is writing more music and traveling for a band tour. I am fine with that.

Right off the back, I can say that Transformers3 was better than Transformer2, but why the heck was it 150 minutes long? Halfway through it I can say I was pretty bored. Here are some things that bugged me. Rosie H-W. What the hell.

They kept taking jabs at Megan Fox the whole movie, it almost seemed like thats the only reason T3 existed, because Bay hates Fox. I mean, his reasoning is correct. She isn’t a good actress. When I heard they were replacing Fox, I thought YES. Bring in an actress who can act, or no love interest at all! Nope. Friggan Rose H-W, giraffe neck and all.

Seriously, look at that neck.

Bah. So anyways. Similar to the second movie, they do almost repeat a plot point. The “Oh no, Optimus Prime is dead!” one. Also an older once thought dead transformer switches sides. Also, the government wants to control the autobots, not tell Shia anything, and then get screwed over and have to rely on a kid and his car. Also it seemed to me that I couldn’t tell any of the decepticons apart. They were lacking a lot in color. Also, some CGI is bad. In Chicago, when Shia was being flailed on a whip, it looked like they turned him into a cartoon. Also, why are all the decepticon like weird animal robots?

Although Beast Wars is great, regular Transformers turn into cars/automobiles/gadgets.

That’s a paragraph of bad things!^ Optimus Prime is still a badass. I still couldnt give a damn about any other autobot. I just wanted to see OP be, well, OP. He definitely was in the few fight scenes I got to see.

Also, despite being probably a huge plothole, I think most of the people in Chicago died? If not at least the entirety of the town is pretty much destroyed, which is good for everyone I think. Now they can disperse throughout the Midwest, or all move to Detroit to make that place poppin’. The movie did end on a quick note. I was like. Wait what? 2.5 hours and then bam ending like that? No repercussions? Arent there hundreds of decepticons around the world with beacons still causing havoc? Whatever. At least they didn’t save Chicago.