Gorgon Reviews

Based off box office records and IMDB ratings, I am probably the only one who wanted to actually see A Thousand Words. I obviously didn’t know the plot beyond “For whatever reason, this guy will die if he says 1000 more words.”

I’m fine with that. Could be a really good movie, funny, and probably a good message in it. Maybe even be surprisingly super sad, like Click.

This also means a movie of Eddie Murphy making funny faces at us.

Jack (Murphy) is a PR Rep. So he talks a lot, and talks in circles around people. Always trying to get more money. His house is amazing, although still a bit bachelor pad, which makes his wife (Kerry Washington) a bit mad. They have other relationship problems, and she feels like they have stagnated, but he doesn’t see it. Also a kid, they have one.

His firm is trying to sign Dr. Sinja (Cliff Curtis), a very popular faith/spiritual person in India, to a book deal. If he had a book, it would sell like pancakes. PANCAKES. And make everyone lots of money, and Jack’s boss (Allison Janney) pretty damn happy. After telling Dr. Sinja he is willing to follow his philosophy to make the deal, he is pretty ecstatic.

Somehow though, a tree pops up in his yard. And eventually with the help of Dr. Sinja, he notices that every word he says has a leaf fall off. Logic states that if a tree loses all its leaves, he will die. So he is fucked unless he can figure out how to stop it (he can’t). He is now attached to this tree, which he finds when he tries to knock it down in anger. The only other person he is able to convince is his assistant (Clark Duke) but it takes awhile. Because also writing down the words takes away from it too. And flicking someone off counted as two words. Err.

But can he eventually figure out how to make the tree stop dying, while you know, not losing everything he cares about? Also, why is Jack McBrayer such a bad Starbucks Barista?

“When I talk leaves fall down and then I die.” How hard is that!?

Bah. One thing that bugged me is that flicking off scene. That counts as two words? Yet the rest of the movie where he does charades and stuff does not count? That’s a sketch grey area.

Film was not as good as it could have been. Funny parts were far in between. The powerful message was a bit more vague and not as heartfelt. There was one whole scene in the movie that could have hinted what the problems in his life were, but it did a poor job. It could have been a powerful message, touching and all, but it just didn’t build it up properly at all. So overall, it was just a big let down.

The last dozen or so leaves had me very interested, and I was getting excited with where it was going. But the last leaves? Bah. What? That’s dumb. Oh well.

About a year and a half ago a local independent rental store was going out of business. Unfortunately I didn’t realize this until the last day, but I was still able to walk away with about twenty movies. Needless to say a lot of them didn’t work.

Including Meet Bill! I was sad. But turns out it does work, and my laptop was just being a little bitch. Good news, everyone! Time for an older review.

They look so happy too. Finally glad to be noticed.

Bill (Aaron Eckhart) is a loser. He is married to Jess (Elizabeth Banks) and she is hot, but he is kind of lame. Getting out of shape, doing dumb things. He also works for his father in law, in a made up position, so he feels like he doesn’t contribute a thing to society. Thankfully his old private school is starting a mentoring program, where students who are about to graduate get to follow a successful alumni around. And technically Bill is successful.

Well he becomes a bit popular for yelling at a local broadcaster (Timothy Olyphant). WHy? Because his wife was cheating on him, with Tim, and he got it on tape. Doesn’t help that he later assaults him either. Needless to say everyone wants him to be their mentor, but some rich kid (Logan Lerman) wins out, after he already made plans pre anger shenanigans. This kid is also trying to hit on Lucy (Jessica Alba), a worker at a lingerie store, and ends up bringing her along with their sessions.

Needless to say, Bill is going through a mid life crisis, a kind of divorce, and is having to explain to this kid how to be successful. Whoops. Really the only thing he does during this time is think about starting up a “Sweet Sweet” franchise, a donut shop, and has constant arrangements with the owners Jane and Jim Whittmann (Kristen Wiig and Jason Sudeikis).

I wouldn’t feel jealous if I was Elizabeth Banks and Alba was in front of me going after my man.
Mmmm, Elizabeth Banks.

I love explaining the plots, it helps me remember the movie and my own thoughts on it. And this movie is a whole lot about nothing. Mid life crisis, yadda yadda.

But I don’t feel like I gained anything after watching it. While watching it, parts were enjoyable, but mostly just okay. Didn’t even care too much about Bill, and I am supposed to be meeting him, damn it.

Oh well, Aaron Eckhart knows he can’t ever reproduce Thank You For Smoking, but by golly is he going to keep trying.

This is going to be one of those slightly different reviews folks.

Not only is it based on true events, but most of us know about it all. Okay, I mean we are aware of the events around it, without knowing both sides and all the problems and complications. I am talking about the Recount of the 2000 Presidential election ballots in Florida, the decision between who would be the next President, Bush or Gore.

This is not Bush and Gore.

Not sure what I am talking about? Here is some light reading (and thus plot review of the movie!).

TL;DR Florida done fucked up. Some of their ballots were confusing, some machines didn’t punch through enough, the sheet had a front and back, etc etc. Bush supposedly won the state and thus the election, but according to AP news the votes was too close to call, and Gore canceled his concession. Then lots of court stuff. Lots of stuff no one understood, but man was making fun of it easier.

And the whole thing is explained in this nice Hollywood rendition! Woo woo! So yeah, fictionalization happens, but the events are roughly correct, if I have been told correctly.

Kevin Spacey plays the main guy, some Democratic guy. I could tell you everyone’s role, but really I don’t remember them much since they are all real election political people. The closest thing to a villain is Laura Dern as a Florida Secretary of State.

We also got roles for other people! Roles everywhere! For Bob Balaban, Ed Begley Jr., Denis Leary, Tom Wilkinson, John Hurt, and more.

Major woman character is the biggest villain? Don’t blame Hollywood, blame politics in 2000.

Given that I was 11 or so when this Florida stuff happened, I must say I really didn’t understand it at all. I just assumed Gore was being a baby and demanding recounts, I didn’t know what a Chad was. Easy to joke about, and I guess my perceptions were just based on where I lived. I am glad this HBO movie was done as a movie and not a documentary. It made it a lot more exciting and natural feeling to me.

Technically both sides are shown, but it is clear the Democrats (I think) are supposed to be the good side, when both sides had good and bad people in them. Can blame that one on Kevin Spacey probably. But overall it is very informative and entertaining.

Now I feel like I could answer maybe one more question on Jeopardy, thanks to this movie.

In case you didn’t know, there has been lots of Snow White things going on. First one released, Once Upon A Time, a tv show with a fairy tale modern village, with a main character being Snow White. Then Mirror, Mirror (review coming soon!) a more comedic approach. Then finally Snow White and The Huntsman. A more serious or dark version of the Snow White fairy tale.

Allegedly.

All I’m trying to say is fuck the show and movie producers. No one wants this.

So what do we got here? We got a kingdom, with a great king and queen, and they have a daughter. They are kind of white supremacist, so they name her Snow White (Kristen Stewart). Well, queen dies, king is all sad. King defeats a mysterious phantom armor and finds a woman captured by them (Charlize Theron). King is immediately smitten, marries her the next day, and on their wedding night, she kills him and her army invades the castle. Shit goes crazy, Snow White is captured and put into a tower, while the Duke (Vincent Regan) and his son William (Sam Claflin) escape.

Man years later, castle and kingdom turned to shit. Queen Ravenna’s power is getting weaker. It might be based on whether or not she is the “fairest of them all”. Kind of messy with the details there. Her brother Finn (Sam Spruell) is her servant, and when he accidentally allows Snow White to escape she is furious. Apparently if she took Snow White’s heart, she would keep her power forever and no longer have to suck the souls out of beautiful women. Score!

But yeah, she escapes, into the scary forest too, so they hire a Hunstman (Chris Hemsworth) to fetch her in return for the resurrection of his dead wife. Realizes the lies, helps her escape, and agrees to get her to the Duke’s castle to lead a revolt. Also, stuff like Dwarves (including Nick Frost, Toby Jones, Bob Hoskins, Eddie Marsan, etc), fairies, stags, villages, weird shit. And you know, poisonous apples, true loves kiss, and a revolt.

I don’t even know what is going on here.

The film was inspired by Snow White tale, and then went all sorts of places. I am not mad that it is nothing like Snow White, I am more mad that the designers of the film thought making it a different Snow White was a good thing. Especially with all the Snow White shit. I think this film would have been a lot better if it just tried to make its own fantasy story instead of the kinda Snow White stuff we got.

I read that a sequel is planned. The fuck? Now they will go even further from any source material, making it even worse that the series is a “Snow White” thing.

But that is a minor complaint. The film is also too long, drags, and is kind of lame. They got what feels like the worst person ever to be the Queen’s brother, from everything to acting and costume design. We got vague journeys and scenes, that just seem like Lord of the Rings stuff. Fight plans that don’t make sense, Queen spells and power levels that do not make sense, and a prophecy based on Innocence of a heart, when everything about Kristen Stewart’s character should destroy any “innocence” by the end. Also ends kind of lamely.

Seriously though, the ambush scene involving the fairies and the giant Stag? That scene pissed me off so badly because of how unlikely any of it would have happened. Worst attempt to catch a person ever. For fucking sakes it was stupid.

I think Charlize Theron did decent for what she was given, and Chris Hemsworth as well. But that would be all. I am not a Kristen Stewart hater, but she added roughly nothing to the movie (and it is amazing that she had such nice teeth after being in a tower for 8-10 years! Minor annoyance, since other characters had bad teeth).

If you have heard of Take This Waltz, there is generally only one reason why.

Because this is the Indie-Canadian movie originally rumored, then confirmed, to have a naked Sarah Silverman. I am sure there is 95% of you that just don’t know the movie, but the other 5%? Yeah, it is because of that reason.

To be fair, there is tons of naked women in this movie. All shapes and sizes. Fully. Let this not be the main reason to watch the movie, mmkay?

We got this girl, Margot (Michelle Williams) who is on vacation! Woo, she feels lonely there, but some guy in the tour group keeps joking around. Same guy ends up being next to her on the plane. Same guy ends up leaving “near her” so he can just walk from her house when they share the cab. Dude lives two houses over and across the street. How crazy! (And potentially stalkerish).

Pretty amazing how they never really met. Especially if Daniel’s (Luke Kirby) job is one of those cart things, where people can ride, being pulled by someone running. Probably decent pay, and good for working out. But also, Margot is married. To a Lou (Seth Rogen) who makes cooking books, dealing with chicken recipes. They eat a lot of chicken.

They have been married for five years, but Margot doesn’t feel loved as much. Lou jokes around a lot, and she feels like her advances are being ignored, while he has become complacent. But this neighbor, he is a new, and interesting, and probably can fulfil her sexually. Should she leave her husband for him, or just fool around a bit?

Hos be hoin’.

Sarah Silverman is also barely in this movie. Just a sober sister. Michelle Williams is naked way more often.

I was ready to bash this movie so hard. Fucking double standards in film. Women cheating on their spouses tend to be acceptable because they are finding themselves, or something. Men cheating are generally always pigs and bad people. Fuck that. She does try to be open with her emotions, but she does a bad job of it, and apparently “too late” for Seth to see anything as wrong. Generally the best time to deal with problems is not when you are walking out of the door.

But hey, the movie ends up not painting her as some hero figure. (Spoilers?) By the end, turns out she just wanted something new. But eventually new things become old things (a quote from an old black woman in the shower scenes), and she gets bored of it too. She realizes she done fucked up, and she is kind of a horrible person. I loved that ending a lot more.

I’m not saying you have to stay with the one you marry (although it’d be nice). Just you know, try to work shit out. Don’t run away from your problems. Realize that couples can fight. Etc.

In other news, this movie felt very real in the good way. Nice emotions going on, and pretty nice acting. Those Canadians can make some good things people.

Prometheus! Such a meaningful word. This movie I had the pleasure of seeing in theaters, which of course means it is automatically a bit better than it might be, so the review could change months later.

Outside of the amazing trailers, of course I knew that Ridley Scott was the director. I had heard originally that they planned on being a prequel to the Alien movies, but it was scrapped when it became so big. Well, it still is pretty much. Not a direct prequel, but same universe, and before Alien at least.

I’m sure there is nothing ominous about those vases.

Prometheus is the name of the ship, sent to a moon of a very very distant planet. Two archaeologists, Liz Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) find a bunch of cave paintings, showing old nations worshiping a lager man, and pointing to a very specific star system. It is weird, because none of these nations would have had contact, and are quite old.

So they believe that these beings are inviting them to their planet, and really want to “meet their maker”, and so they convince a trillionaire (Guy Pearce, looking like an old Bill Maher) to finance a ship and crew to do just that. Presumably the ship cost most of the funding, so not all individuals of the crew were the top of their field (on a potentially suicide mission), but still. We got a pilot (Idris Elba), a biologist (Rafe Spall), a geologist (Sean Harris), some sort of high level CEO like figure (Charlize Theron) and an adroid who is fucking fantastic (Michael Fassbender).

Of course other people too, like medics, navigators, security, etc. But eh whatever.

They go to the planet, find the people in question, but they are all dead (OR ARE THEY?). Also, find some nice black ooze. I’m sure after this they go home disappointed and no one dies.

After unlocking all of the secrets of the universe, of course.

Let me go over some pros first:

Michael Fassbender as an android. So good. So so good.
The visuals and shiny colors.
That basic premise.

Some of the cons?
Well, obviously, this is by far the worst depiction of a geologist I have ever seen in film. Thus my comments on not top of the field. Scientifically, a lot of this film is a travesty. Liz demanding no weapons on a new planet for safety, is pretty dumb, as is having only one “Expert’ on each field. But man, that geologist. It sucked, knowing he would die so fast in the film before I knew his field.

A lot of the characters don’t get as much development as one would like. So when certain self sacrifices are made, emotionally it doesn’t hurt as much because we barely know these people. Other conversations seemed forced (“I can’t have babies!” “Father!” etc) and it almost cringe worthy to see. Also drugs.

If I could rate this just on potential? It would be quite high. A lot of the elements are there but I think a bit too much was left on the cutting room floor. This film with a directors cut would probably be great. There is a lot of implied themes that make this film great as well, with plenty of evidence. Just…not enough for me to call it great.

Give a watch, but maybe wait for a nice Directors cut on Blu-Ray.

The Extra Man is one of those films I just threw in and said, “NOW ENTERTAIN ME MYSTERIOUS MOVIE!”. I tend to yell at inanimate things. Less feelings are hurt.

What I didn’t know was how weirdly unique everything about this movie would be. Hooray!

Take it all in. Slowly, while everything seems normal.

The movie begins with one Louis (Paul Dano) teaching at a small college literature. Kind of guy who loves the Great Gatsby, and novels from the 20s. Generally loves everything from that period, and wishes he could live there. Even wishes he had nonchalant narrators narrating his life, and often thinks of it. Well, due to downsizing he no longer has his job, and probably has nothing to do with the fact that he was trying on another professors bra.

So a guy has an urge to wear women clothing on occasion, surely that isn’t a big deal? He decides the need to find himself, he answers an add for a room with a cantankerous older gentleman, Henry Harrison (Kevin Kline) who is very proper and sophisticated. He also is an “Extra man”, or someone who accompanies older women on nights out on the town, like a prostitute, without the sex. Speaking of sex, no weird sex stuff goes on his place, it would not be appropriate. He also meets one of the neighbors, Gershon Gruen (John C. Reilly) who helps “lift things” and is very secretive.

Louis ends up getting a job working for an environmentalist magazine, pretending to be very green and environmentally friendly, thanks to the boss man (John Pankow), and is happy to find a very cute vegan coworker (Katie Holmes) who is seeing an activist. Damn it.

But during all this, Louis is learning the city through his roommate, and learning a lot more than he thought possible. He even dreams of one day also being an Extra Man, so that he can experience the lash and luxuries that he just seems so naturally suited for, including seducing one of the richest, Vivian (Marian Seldes) and meeting women of a similar position (Celia Weston).

So can he be a successful gentleman? Or will he continue to explore his fascination with lady garments? Or will he change himself completely for a VEGAN?

He is more human when he sings.

So a lot is going on in this movie, told from the point of view of Louis, despite being a book about the Henry. Hey, whatever, I don’t care ’bout no book.

I was finding it all incredibly interesting, despite not knowing what the heck was the end game. But I thought the film lost a bit of steam as it tried to end. Some plot lines dropped quickly, and I wanted them to be more explored more, damn it. Something about it, just made me a bit disappointed. If the ending was a bit better, it’d be a 3 for sure.

SPY MOVIES.

But this is not your James Bond type of Spy Movie. This is the more subtle, information based spy movie. Of course more secret government organizations. But it is also British, and with other European people. As a hardcore American, that is a negative to me. Because we are the best.

But honestly, I knew absolutely nothing about Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy before I watched it, just that it was probably a book.

Reading is sooooo European.

The movie begins with Jim Prideaux (Mark Strong) sent to Hungary by the head of the Circus (British Intelligence nickname?) (John Hurt) to meet a native to buy secrets! Too bad he gets shot and captured though. That is not the plan, so the head gets canned, and his aide, George Smiley (Gary Oldman) get into forced retirement, and the head dies soon after from being old.

They get replaced by Tinker (Toby Jones) and his new right hand man, Tailor (Colin Firth) and also Soldier (Ciaran Hinds) and Poorman (David Dencik ) also move up the ranks. Bet you thought that last code name would be Spy? Yeah, what teases. Spy would also be a poor code name.

Speaking of poor nicknames, they move up the ranks due to Witchcraft! Russian secret intelligence they have found and traded to the Americans for even more intelligence. Smiley is brought back out of retirement from Ricki Tarr (Tom Hardy), as there are reports of a mole in the British government, someone who has been there for quite some time.

He has obvious suspects, but starts with those who left around the same time as him and works his way inward. He gets a team of people, including someone played by Benedict Cumberbatch, to do some secret espionage stuff to find out who the mole is, and if the initial outing of Smiley and others was all part of someones plan.

Other secrets to find out! Just what the mole was doing, the true purpose of the Hungary visit, and how jerky some peopl can be.

LOOK AT HIM. Not even an unrelated caption. Just do it.

In other news, this is efinitely not a movie I could watch again and again. It is a slower pace, obviously, and strictly feels like a very tame game of chess. The actors involved all do wonderful jobs, but personally I didn’t see a need to give Gary Oldman more props than the rest of the cast (Nominated for Best Actor for the film). When everyone does a fine job, I just find it harder to praise a single person.

However the plot I never really seemed to care for. Couldn’t relate to older British intelligence officers, go figure. I was just hoping the American’s wouldn’t get screwed over or made seem stupid in the movie. And well, it kind of happened. Whoops.

Decent movie, but just not my kind of film.

Pretty Bird is a story about what everyone dreams about and wants. A jet pack.

Or a Rocket Belt as they call it in this movie. Based kind of off of true events, where a Rocket Belt was invented in the mid 90s. Yes, we are going back to one of the scariest moments of US History. Post-Grunge.

But you could tell that from the fashion.

Curtis Prentiss (Billy Crudup) is an entrepreneur. And by that, I mean a guy with a plan and an idea, and someone who can talk really good like. He has a friend Kenny (David Hornsby, who is the Brother in Law to Zooey Deschanel) who is pretty wealthy and looking to invest in things. He also likes the idea of a rocket belt!

But their problem is you know, needing someone to make it. An idea and money isn’t always good enough, you need someone with those brain smarts. If they are into physics or rocketry, even better. Enter Rick Honeycutt (Paul Giamatti) who just got laid off from his job and has nothing to do. Perfect!

So they get to work, needing more and more money, having a lab, etc. Eventually they get a prototype that actually works, for about 30s at a time!

Then other stuff happens. All three men have clashing personalities, so they fight a lot. Other investors brought in. And eventually the rocket pack goes missing, never to be seen again. Also featuring Kristen Wiig as a secretary like person and potential love interest. Hollaaa.

That hand-vac really amps up the sex appeal.

This film is actually the directorial debut of Paul Schneider, or Mark Brendanawicz if you are cool. And really there is not much to say about it.

Guy gets idea, idea works, too much success to quickly, everyone flips a shit, history doesn’t change.

And I can’t tell how much of it is true and how much is exaggerated. But plot wise, it isn’t exciting at all, despite dealing with jet packs. I think I really enjoyed one scene, it had some yelling, and another was funny, but after that was a meh-fest. So didn’t see the point of telling the tale. Oh well.

A couple of days ago I asked an open question to some friends to try to get me some crazy, whacked out documentary to watch. Nothing unfortunately really matched the level I wanted, so I instead found Dear Zachary to watch, hearing it was at least powerful, and a bit fucked up.

But real life, fucked up, not the the made up conspiracy theories way.

Either this is really touching documentary, or a really creepy one.

Basic gist of the story:

Andrew is a guy who people apparently like. Went to Med School, was in training to be a doctor, meets with a Shirley Turner girl, who no one really knows about. Bit later, Andrew is dead, shot six times, while trying to break up with Shirley. She flees back to Newfoundland, and now claims to be pregnant with a baby from Andrew.

The documentary director/friend Kurt Kuenne originally sets off to gather all the information on Andrew that he can, through his old family video recordings (used to make fake movies) to interviews with all of his family and friends, so that someday, his son can learn about his passed father, and also more of the circumstances that lead to his demise. The piece also follows Andrew’s parents, as they move to Newfoundland to begin a long custody battle through the Canadian government to gain the rights to the son, from the woman who is slowly being convicted of killing the husband.

Sounds messed up, yeah? Because it is. And I can’t say more about it. Will ruin the story.

I liked the story a lot, in a “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE CANADIAN GOVERNMENT” sort of way. Lot of real emotion in it, given the topic that was probably obvious. The only reason I don’t give it a 4 is just because of weird editing that kept bugging me throughout.

Mostly occurred at the beginning, when the documentary didn’t flow very well at all, not to mention a few times when they said they would get to something later and then barely touch on that topic later. This is the world of wikipedia damn it, we need more information!