Sex sex sexy sex, boner boner uterus.

Sorry, just using some sexy words to get everyone in the mood.

After all, I am about to watch Addicted. What are they addicted to, you might ask. Cheese? Nope. Alcohol? Nah. Onions? Heck no. Silly intro sections to reviews? Maybe a little bit.

No! Of course not! A sex addiction! Shh, don’t say it too loud, people might hear.

Normally when I say “hold on to your butts” in a review, it is used sarcastically or as a Jurassic Park reference. If I said it this time, it would hold a whole new meaning.

Whoa now. Two people aren’t meant to share a shower. What is this?

Zoe Reynard (Sharon Leal) loooooves sex. Usually with her husband (Boris Kodjoe) of several years. They some times do it multiple times a day. But something is missing for Zoe. Some passion maybe? She doesn’t know, but it doesn’t feel the same.

While working her self starting art business, she runs into a fresh new hunk artist, Quinton Canosa (William Levy). He likes her a lot and compliments her, and sure enough, sexy time. This starts to affect her job and home life. She starts to lie about work, all to have more sex with Quinton! But he has other lady friends, and even he might not be enough. Because then there is Corey (Tyson Beckford)…

But with passion and cheating comes jealousy. Some people might get hurt, mentally and physically, due to all this secret funny business. And Zoe has the least helpful shrink (Tasha Smith) ever, who always runs out of time on a session before she can really help out. Also starring Emayatzy Corinealdi as her BFF and coworker.

If you like chiseled abs and not a whole lot more, this film is perfect for you!

I think I saw this movie before. Obsessed? No not Obsessed. That was a dude doing the cheating.

Ah yes. Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor. That would be the closest parallel, except that one was more about “Sin” and religion playing a part in the morals. This one was just…well she just really wanted more sex and didn’t get enough from her husband.

So sure, she ruined her home life, almost got people killed, and was with two different men outside of wed lock. I guess that is the point. Cheat on your husband and do kinky shit, you will maybe die. And your grandmother will shake her head at you disappointingly. That is what I got out of the movie.

But let’s ignore the bad acting, the bad plot, the worse acting, and the poor and stupid ending. Was it at least erotic?

Hardly. This is the most tame sex addiction movie I have ever seen. No one gets naked, outside of random unnamed characters during one scene. Just a lot of mostly clothed dry humping and maybe some butt shots. Shame did sex addiction right. We got to see Fassbender dick and a whole lot more.

This just seems like a joke of a real affliction. And that is what this film feels like. A joke. A strangely hilarious joke that you might make fun of with your friends.

0 out of 4.

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