Tag: Chris Evans

A ha, my first review of a movie that has been guest reviewed! Here I am, following up someone else’s opinion, on my website. Not even mad. I try not to read opinions about film before I write my own, so obviously, my review of The Iceman breaks that creed unfortunately. If you want to read their review of The Iceman, click that link I just linked.

The flipped across the vertical line version of this picture exists on the internet. I…I don’t know which one is real.

The Iceman tells the true story of Richard Kuklinski (Michael Shannon), a famed Polish man who killed over 100 men as a contract killer in NYC. He was arrested in 1986, much to the surprise of his friends and family who did not know he was leading a double life for so many years to provide for his loved ones. Well, not his brother (Stephen Dorff), he was a dick and in prison already. For killing a man. What a criminal.

Of course, he didn’t start as a contract killer. He had a small time job, and came from humble beginnings. He met his future wife (Winona Ryder), and somehow charmed her into marriage, and had two kids. But when he accidentally fails the wrong customer, Roy Demeo (Ray Liotta), he has to repay a debt and does so through a nice assassination or two, which come with nice bonuses.

Eventually, his lives start to collide, as he is forced to work with a rival contract killer, Mr. Freezy (Chris Evans), and work amongst all the mob bosses in the city. The film begins and ends with his confession on the witness stand, and a whole shit ton of remorse. Kind of. Also, James Franco plays a small role who totally dies, and David Schwimmer awkwardly a mob man, and he freaks me out.

The Iceman Cream.

Michael Shannon has been a good actor for sometime. He was arguably the best parts of Man of Steel and Premium Rush, so it is nice to see him again in a leading role like this one. He knocked it out of the park, going completely in character, and nothing like his other recent roles. Dude knows how to act, yo.

In the early 90s, HBO released a documentary on the subject, called The Iceman Tapes: Conversations with a Killer, with actual dialogue with Richard. Presumably this fictionalized version was made to tell the twisted story after his death in 2005. I haven’t seen it, but I think it is on youtube, and I really kind of want to now.

A lot of the assassinations they show are generally really well done, with lots of planing/details gone in to making sure they are perfect.

By basing this movie on a true story, it adds an extra layer of chill as you watch it, knowing that it isn’t just another mob movie starring Ray Liotta. The ending is especially the most chilling aspect of the film, his final courtroom plead and communication with his family. You felt sorry for the guy, even though he killed hundreds of people. Shit, that is rough.

Definitely a movie I’d recommend as well. Even if you have to see David Schwimmer’s goofy face.

I’ve been averaging about two movies a day the last few weeks. Usually I do a movie from the last five years, to review, and then one from 2006 and earlier, so I can watch more and more that I haven’t seen before. And you know, if they are old, I usually won’t review it. So win for me.

And then sometimes I could have sworn that a movie came out in the early 2000s, just to find out that I am wrong. So hey look, The Nanny Diaries.

I just met you, and you seem crazy. No I won’t go and watch your baby.

Annie (Scarlett Johansson) is a college graduate and ready to get her big city job and be awesome! But of course, that won’t happen. While dicking around in the park, she pushes a kid out of the way of a biker and saves him from some minor damage and lots of crying. The mom of the kid, Mrs. X (Laura Linney) (To protect the innocent) is stoked, because she is a bad mother and lost her son. And her last nanny quit. Well, her name is Annie and she graduated college, she must be qualified to look after a kid for her.

Turns out single white females with degrees are popular in the nanny community, for whatever reason. So she gets lots of offers, and takes Mrs. X, because it comes with a fancy meal, and she was first. She just keeps it secret from her mom, as she has found a “temporary summer job” instead of a real corporate job. Even though her best friend Lynette (Alicia Keys) thinks it is a bad idea (and will get mad if all she talks about is Nannying).

She gets the job, blah blah, it is hard as crap. Kid doesn’t like her at first. Mom is a bitch who won’t learn her name. Dad (Paul Giamatti) is away on business a lot and for sure cheating all up over the place. She also meets ‘Harvard Hottie’ (Chris Evans) who grew up like the kid she is a Nanny for, and I guess shows that they can grow up to be decent people. With the right help.

Well shit. She wants to leave the job. But then the kid will grow up all sorts of fucked and rotten. What can she do!?

Ah yes. Glare awkwardly at the side of the room with another nanny. Brilliant!

Good news, this movie doesn’t turn into “And then she lived happily ever after as a nanny for the rest of her life” or a “And then she found true love and never had to nanny again for the rest of her life” story. Hooray! Romance is there, but not central and not dramatic, just mainly to show the foil as I mentioned above. Similarly, she only does nanny for a short time, and discovers what she wants to do with her life.

This movie, based on a book, honestly didn’t surprise me too much. Mrs. X was a horrifying bitch, unbelievable attitude that I could not understand. Just made me mad the whole film, which I guess is the point. I did like the overall story though, surprisingly enough, yet not entirely sure if its just because I like Scarlett Johansson.

Hmm. Probably just that.

If you haven’t heard of The Avengers, then fuck you.

In 2008 a great thing happened. Comic book movies kicked ass. The Dark Knight, Hellboy II, and Iron Man came out, in reverse order between May and July.

After the success of Iron Man, they quickly announced their three (turned into four) year plan. After Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk. Then another Iron Man movie. Then Thor. Then Captain America.

Then? The fucking Avengers. Each hero getting at least one movie before hand, bringing them together for an epic never before seen in film. It’d be like if the Lord of the Rings had a movie back story for Legolas, and the other people I don’t remember.

How many more nerd hits can I get before the actual review? Not sure. But needless to say, this movie has been something I have been waiting four years for, and it delivered in every way possible. May the Fourth be with us indeed.

Didn’t even tell Steve about casual Fridays.

The movie begins with the Tesseract (introduced at the end of Thor and in Captain America) going crazy. S.H.I.E.L.D. is going crazy, red alerts. Agent Coulson is trying to catch up Nick Fury on the cube, but unfortunately is is confusing. We also get to meet Agent Maria Hill (Robin from HIMYM). Because we need more than 1 woman character in this movie.

Either way, turns out it opens a portal from another part of the universe, and out pops Loki! He fucks shit up, takes the cube, and also takes Professor Selvig (From Thor) prisoner, along with some other members. And well, he is thinking about using that unlimited energy source to open up a permanent portal, bring up an army of space aliens, and you know take over/destroy Earth. He is mad at Thor and Asgard for kicking him out, so he wants vengeance on the world Thor loves so much.

Fighting demigods means you need to bring in the big guns. S.H.I.E.L.D. attempts to do just that. Getting in touch with Thor is hard, but not Iron Man, Captain America, Black Widow, or Hawkeye. They also need Bruce Banner (Hulk), but only to use his brains for finding the cube, definitely not for Hulking. (cough).

So what is the movie about? Stopping Loki before he takes over the world. Trying to not resort to nuclear bombs. Trying to see if a team made entirely of egos (and Captain America) can actually work together and not fight it out. Trying to control the Hulk. And so much destruction of Manhattan.

Hey, Pepper Potts is also in this movie.

Again, they first have to work out their own differences and motives.

OH MY GOODNESS THE AVENGERS.

GUYS THE AVENGERS. PLEASE READ THIS AS ME YELLING.

After Disney bought Marvel I didn’t even think this would be possible, but this is the first of the Marvel films to have the full Disney backing and they didn’t disappoint. The movie has everything. You will laugh and cry, be excited and maybe scared. You will laugh and be excited a lot though more than the others, and it feels like nonstop action too. A good feeling for a movie that clocks in over two hours.

The amount of extra nerd detail put into it, small moments watching the Avengers team up and use specific movies? It is amazing.

In case anyone is curious, next year we are supposed to get Iron Man 3 and Thor 2, and then 2014 a sequel to Captain America, probably taking place in WW2 still, before the frozen events.

A sequel to Avengers isn’t likely until 2016 or so, which is good them to not be rushed. They gave a middle of credits hint to the sequel too, and it looks great. Probably a Dr. Strange movie is in the works for 2014/15, and maybe even Ant-Man. With a Joss Whedon movie, I was surprised there was no Nathan Fillion cameo as Hank Pym.

I have a good feeling I will be seeing this movie in theaters again, and many times in the future on Blu-Ray. Just think, we also get The Dark Knight Rises, Prometheus, and Amazing Spider-Man this summer.

The Losers is one of those “Oh this is based on a comic? Why?” type movies. No super heroes involved, just your normal run of the mill elite black ops team, who gets set up/framed, and have to fix it. A story I might have wrote about yesterday, and very popular.

This movie came out around the same time as The A-Team though, which means you were far more likely to not ever see or hear of The Losers, as they are easily compared.

But this one has more than four people. And a woman! Eventually.

Ooh, lets try and do this the team way!
First we have Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) the leader of the group.
Then there is Roque (Idris Elba) the second in command.
Jensen ( Chris Evans) is the communications/tech guy, and a lot of the comic relief.
Pooch (Columbus Short) is the driver, and soon to be family man.
And finally, Cougar (Oscar Jaenada) their ‘long range specialist/sniper’, wears a hat, and doesn’t talk much (At all). So mysterious. So deadly.

Well the missions they take are never officially wrote down, very very covert, don’t technically exist in the government. They are in Bolivia on a search and destroy mission for a drug cartel, but find that the camp has dozens of slave children. They try to call off the attack to their handler, Max (Jason Patric) but he ignores them. So they do the reasonable thing, break into the compound, kill the drug lord, rescue the children and barely escape!

On the helicopter sent to pick them up, they decide to stay behind and save the children instead. And when it gets up to leave. BAM. Missile. It was meant to kill them instead. They know there will be huge back lash here, so they decide to fake their deaths as if they were in the helicopter, and plot their revenge against Max. Which they get four months later, when another mysterious person, Aisha (Zoe Saldana) has a plan. But can she be trusted.

Stealing hard drives, and getting to Max is the rest of the movie, and having to go through his “top notch security” (Holt McCallany). Also filled with betrayal, the Losers try and stop Max before he acquires new age weapon technology, and you know, start a new world war.

The “mind bullets/tech support” scene is one of the better scenes. Of all time. Complete with Journey!

Seriously though, you will probably enjoy that scene even without the rest of the movie. That is what comic relief character gets you. Great scenes.

It is definitely more action than comedy, not everything is laugh out loud heelarious, but the movie is not meant to be taken too seriously. The first picture of the review is just covered in campiness.

Other aspects I found boring. I enjoyed it, but on a rewatch, not as much interests me as it did before. So its definitely a one and done kind of film. Won’t blow your socks off, but can be enjoyed if you are in the right mood.

I know what you are thinking. “This is just some dumb Romantic Comedy. What’s Your Number? What is with movies that ask questions in the title!?” Or something like that. But probably not. Probably just never heard of the movie. That is the simpler guess!

But hey, it also has enough T&A for the fellas and the ladies, so even if you are shallow you are covered.

Covered. Like a hand towel.

Anna Faris is a dirty dirty whore. Or at least that is what she thinks of herself after reading in some magazine that at most, most women sleep with 10 guys. Women who sleep with 20 or more have a high percentage of living alone! Shit! She has slept with 19 guys, more than all of her friends. The self esteem issues she faces even drives her to get a boob job (Oh wait. No, that was real life). Doesn’t help that she seems to change everything about herself when she meets a guy too, instead of being herself (Ending moral alert).

Her sister is getting married (Ari Graynor) and so she gets the great idea to try and see if any of her ex-boyfriends are awesome now, and try to reconnect with him. That way she doesn’t push the number over the “limit”. With the help of her equally (or more) promiscuous neighbor Chris Evans, she sets off to find the people on her list, to see if she can save herself!

Its amazing how many famous people she ended up seducing/dating/spending one night with. Including Zachary Quinto, Joel McHale, Andy Samberg, and Chris Pratt (which is a great side story), and even Aziz Ansari (Who we only get to hear on the phone, but its obvious it is him).

Also, Alcohol is involved in a lot of her decisions.

I won’t say how it ends, because you know how it ends. But I actually guessed it would end a slightly different way than how it actually did, so bam, I got owned.

I think Anna Faris spent a lot of work trying to make sure the movie was funny (and might have done it because she wanted to be in Bridesmaids but didn’t make a cut? I cant remember). Something about woman power. But I did laugh a bunch, mostly at stupid stuff, but I found it funny. Not at all close to any sort of typical RomCom. Of course one disadvantage is that if you hate her voice, you will hear it a lot, and it will suck. But she is a mostly likable star, and has good chemistry with Evans (who is a bit less Douchey than he normally appears).

But hey. Slackers rejoice. And I will rate this as I feel fit!

Puncture, title alone, sounds everything like a horror movie. This helped lead me to the assumption that only damn horrors were coming out this week. Do not worry though! It is not a horror! But it is based on a true story (and dedicated to the main character).

It also is about Chris Evans being super serious guys.

Chris Evans is, I guess, tired of playing in super hero movies, so he is instead just playing a regular every day hero. He plays Mike Weiss, a ambulance chaser in Texas with his partner, played by Mark Kassen. They are good at getting their clients payments, even if it involves some shady tactics. Evans also loves the drugs and partying. Getting that coke, sex, and what not, while his partner his happily married and more in control of his life.

Eventually they take a case, from Vinessa Shaw, a nurse who was pricked by a needle at work and received aids. So they have to try and go against a hospital, not their easiest target! Along with this, they also take on the case from a crazy man played by Marshall Bell. He invented the “Safety Point”, a one use needle that is impossible for others to get pricked on after the fact. Apparently 800,000 accidental needle sticks happen a year to nurses alone in the US at that time. Obviously something they want a lot, and something they don’t have. The safety point guy claims that the main needle company is having a monopoly on the business, including bribing doctors for business, regardless of how unsafe it is for their workers.

But yeah, fuck all that, this movie is about Chris Evans, trying to do something good and actually noble once in his life, but you know, also being on drugs. It requires a lot to overcome, especially when he tries to get off said drugs. Hard enough that he has to go against smooth talking Brett Cullen who runs the team of lawyers against him. And that no one else wants to even try to help.

So fucking smooth.

So, despite this being a trueish story from the early 2000s, I think a lot was exaggerated. Including the struggle, and the end result. As an indy film made in the guys honor, it was also used to soapbox a lot of needle issues, and aids. One scene with a guy who might have been a conspiracy nut was pretty pointless, but in there just to point out a different issue that they werent actually fighting for.

But besides that, some pretty good acting, and an okay story. Chris Evans does do a good job, but he just had to be a slacker who wanted to do better, so probably easily doable.

Here is an example of a biased review. Yesss!

Scott Pilgrim vs The World is a movie based off of a 6 part graphic novel series more or less called… Scott Pilgrim. The novels were one of my first forays into owning graphic novels and reading them, when there was still only the first four out. By the time the sixth one came out, I was able to go to a midnight release of the book and read it all before I went to sleep. Then the movie came out a few weeks later, and crammed all of the stories into one movie. And it was epic.

You might even say I am in lesbians with it.

Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) is our main boy, and he lives in the mythical land of Toronto, Canada. He is 22, and living with his gay roommate Wallace (Kieran Culkin), and has little to no prospects outside of his band, Sex Bob-omb. The lead singer and guitar player is Stephen (Mark Webber) and the drummer is Kim (Alison Pill, and dated Scott a long time ago). So what is Scott doing? Dating a HIGH SCHOOL CHICK, named Knives Chau (Ellen Wong) and she becomes a groupie along with Young Neil (Johnny Simmons).

But then he meets Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), a cool American chick and wants her so bad. What he doesn’t know, is that to actually be with her, he has to first defeat her seven evil exes in order. What?! Yes. Including an emo, a movie star (Chris Evans! In his 5th comic movie role), a vegan, a girl, twins, and Gideon (Jason Schwartzman). Can he defeat the exes? Can he handle his own exes? Does he know how hot his sister (Anna Kendrick in the movie) is? Also Aubrey Plaza is in here, more famous for Parks and Rec.

Of course, as it is a six book to one movie adaption, a lot of fun cool stuff had to be left out. Like my favorite panel in a comic ever.

Hopefully you can tell already that a lot of the movie is kind of video game-y. If you ever played older ones, this movie has a lot of shout outs for you. Parts are written like the comic as well, and full of smaller inside jokes, but they don’t take away from anything if you’ve never read the books. It is also a very fast paced movie, so time should fly by pretty quickly while watching it. Also, hilarious.

Fight scenes are great. Characters are great. And you won’t be able to guess how it all ends. If I had one real gripe, it is that there won’t be anymore movies. And they never made any “save point” jokes. For a first time watcher, a lot of the names thrown at you at the start may confuse you too. But hey, get over it.

Ugh.

I thought this movie, Push, would be a pretty simple action movie. Something about telekinetic people, maybe some government testing, and all this running around in Hong Kong. Cool stuff. Unfortunatly, it was beyond simple. Not in the good way. This was a complicated movie to understand, for just something about people with powers. I know Chris Evans loves playing people with powers, but come on man, you gotta learn to say no.

Despite the fame and fortune it may bring you.

This movie starts out simple. Dude is young, his dad tells him to hide, and to help a girl who gives him flowers in the future. Then he dies. Boom opening credits.

Then a girls voice begins talking and explaining a lot of back story. I even heard the word Nazi during it, so you know it is serious.

Later girl, Dakota Fanning, finds Evans and starts telling him the future. Turns out she is a “Watcher” and can predict the future, kinda. He is a “Mover” meaning he can telepathically move shit / control the air around him. Alright, fine, two types of people with dumb names for their powers got it.

They have to find a case worth a lot of money she says, and also it involves some other girl, Camilla Belle, who is a “Pusher” who can telepathically push memories/directions into other people’s heads. Alright. Three types of powers. Got it. Dumb name still. But cool. Also, USA is testing a new drug on people to enhance these powers, but it killed most people, except her.

And then landslide of confusion. There are a lot of different powers in this movie, and they often don’t explain them right away. Then you hear someone talking about a “Stitcher”, then a “Shadow”, then a “Wiper”, then a “Sniff”. You are like, holy shit, what the fuck is going on. If you memorize the terms of all of them before the movie, you’d be good to go, so here is a list. WTF, am I right? I can’t just learn all of this stuff in a slowly quick paced action movie. I don’t know anyone who could.

Besides that confusion, this movie has about as many holes as a piece of Pumice.

This could be the first rock picture on Gorgon Reviews.

So, confusing nomenclature, causing zero assurance of what anyone can do (and how all these people came to exist anyways). Plot holes, so you don’t understand how events in the movie even happen. These two sentences do not bode well for a good movie experience. Bind those up with an ending where we are supposed to accept out of no where that somehow Chris Evans’ character became the smartest man in existence, and it just rates very low.

Alright! The long awaited Captain America movie that people would assume would not do well internationally. I mean, who cares about American Patriotism, outside of Americans and Terrorists who want to find its weaknesses? Most importantly for this movie is the last set up movie before every nerd boys dream, The Avengers, which if you missed, had a large preview at the end of Captun AMurrika.

Chris Evans plays the titular character, making this the 5th comic based person of his career. He was of course Johnny Flame in Fantastic Four movies. But he was also in The Losers, a graphic novel, Scott Pilgrim vs the World, a graphic novel, and the voice of Casey in the TMNT movie, originally a comic. This guy better love comics. The next closest person would be Ryan Reynolds, who is just trying to be in everything these days.

A lot of talk on the CGI used to display Evans before and after the serum. He looks weird scrany, but it wasn’t actual CGI but some other complicated method. It was actually his body the whole time though, so at least we get that. Movie was long enough with enough action in it to give the complete story, even his return to the present. It sucked knowing his relationship would never last. I liked how they showed his conquests throughout Europe, giving small detail, but leaving enough room for a Captain America 2 to take place during this time, pre Red Skull as well.

Speaking of Red Skull, how about that Hugo Weaving? How good is he at sci-fi, fantasy, action movies?

Multiple personality disorder is serious business.

Also this film does a good job of tricking you. You think one thing will happen, and not only do they do the opposite, they kind of tease the fact that you just guessed wrong. See: kid being thrown in the water. We also have Tommy Lee Jones as a big army dude, Hayley Atwell as a love interest, and Dominic Cooper as Howard Stark.