Tag: 2 out of 4

One Day is a British movie, based on the British book of the same name. Creative right? In fact, this book was apparently so good, it was made into a movie pretty damn quick from when it came out. But why is it called One Day?

Because it tells the story of a man and a woman. On one day of the year. For twenty years. July 15, 1989-2009, to be exact.

St. Swithun’s day and Eddie Griffin‘s birthday. But I am sure you knew that.

Anne Hathaway and Jim Sturgess play the main two roles, and thus are the only people that matter. It starts with them graduating from some UK college, and spending the night together. They decided to be friends, and over the next many years they end up working on their goals to be famous and be a writer. Also with different (sometimes plentiful) lovers, and at different times loving the other. Very unfortunate.

What is fortunate is that so much happened on July 15 between them. Pretty handy! It also has Patricia Clarkson, as the mother of Jim. I don’t think Anne’s parents are talked about at all.

You know what I don’t care about? Accents. To say someone from an area has the “wrong English accent” or a bad accent, or whatever, sounds completely stupid. All people from an area do not talk identical. It is based on how they hear a lot of their earlier words. Parents and shit. I will never care about someone’s accent, and if it is “real” enough or not, because technically, there isn’t a real accent at all. To do that would be stereotyping, people.

(There is also complaints that her accent changes throughout the movie. Which makes sense, as she moves around to different parts of Europe in the movie, and overtime, that shit changes.)

It was probably hard for them to find people who could look the ages of 22-42, or whatever the range may be. They change their hairstyles a bunch and do a pretty good job. They also make Anne look like the adult female version of Harry Potter at the beginning.

You’re welcome for that.

The story was interesting, and of course sad at a lot of parts. Sometimes the “date” that was flashed on the screen was hard to see, and I wouldn’t necessarily know it was a new year. They should have been less clever with that. It was an okay story. Probably rushed, compared to a novel. I think there definitely could have been more. Decent movie, but not the best. Also, there is some nakedness, which is shocking for a PG-13 movie, but not shocking for an Anne Hathaway movie.

When I saw The Art of Getting By was going to star Freddie Highmore, I guffawed out loud. That kid? The one from Spiderwick Chronicles and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

Well, dude bro isn’t a kid anymore. Well. Kiddish. But he is a lot taller and way more mature.

Or at least Emma Roberts is super short.

The movie begins with George having to explain why he didn’t do his trigonometry homework. Why? Because he claims he realized his own mortality last night and everything else just seemed unimportant. So at that moment I figured this George guy was supposed to be very smart, but you know, an underachiever. What happens in this movie? Him accidentally befriending Emma Roberts. George falls in love with her, but has some social anxieties to go with the rest of his problems (including becoming poor?) so he flips a shit of course. It also turns out that by the end of the year, thanks to never doing any work (well, gradable work), he also will not graduate.

Alright, so my plot write up is kind of weak. It is hard to say what really happens in this movie without giving a lot of it away.

In fact, I had a hard time figuring out if I even liked it overall or not. I thought Freddie did a great job. The dialogue used I definitely loved, as he talked way too smart. There is a great scene where he calmly and rationally told his parents to leave him alone. Giving nice reasons and everything.

But really, that is all I probably really liked. The ending wasn’t at all original. The side story involving the artist Andrew Levitas wasn’t anything special either. The only great parts involved George and his interactions with his family and new friends. The story might not appeal to everyone. In fact, it is just one of those “privileged white people problems” movies. I think that is why the critics hated it so much.

Sometimes people like those kind of movies though.

But because Freddie just did so gosh darn good, I have to give it an okay rating.

Yeahhhhhhhhh Sexytime!

Pink Robe? Check. Redneck? Check. Mexican Donut? Double Check!

Sex Drive was a teen road trip comedy coming of age story movie, that when it came out, I think I saw about one advertisement for. Like every movie, I was about to watch the unrated version of the movie, but it began quite differently.

The unrated version begins with a poorly edited (on purpose) message to viewers, that the unrated is significantly different. It has more boobs and dicks, more jokes, and is way too long. Since it said it was only for already fans, I switched to regular, and holy crap, the unrated has about 20 more minutes of time added to it. That is serious.

The movie is kind of like The Sure Thing. Kind of. Josh Zuckerman is chatting up a girl on the internet, and lying, because that is expected. For some reason, her lies make her want to do him, so he decided to drive from Chicago to Knoxville to hit that. So he steals his brother’s car (James Marsden), and along with his best friend who thinks he should be a dick to chicks (Clark Duke), and accidentally with his best friend whom he likes (Amanda Crew), he drives off!

CRAZY ADVENTURES COMMENCE!

But does it end with Zuckerman and Crew falling in love? Of course. Fuck you if you thought differently.

Also in this movie are Katrina Bowden, from 30 Rock, as internet girl, and Seth Green, playing the role of “master of Sarcasm Amish dude”. His role was fantastic. Also, James Marsden as “entirely way too offensive older brother” had me laughing out loud on more than one occasion.

So if you want a comedy full of sex jokes, and obvious plot paths, Sex Drive is your movie. Not sure if I will ever watch the unrated version, but I am sure it is way different.

Such shifty eyes, Seth.

Looking at all of the tags, I know you are thinking the same thing. How the hell does a movie called Predators not also include Chris Hanson?

Because he’d catch them all too quickly and make them have a seat.

The movie begins with Adrien Brody falling in the sky. He is strapped to the chair and flipping out, cause he is falling through the sky. He kinda gets a parachute off, allowing him to note die, but also, only kinda. I generally don’t expect to see Brody as a big action star, but he pulled it off pretty convincingly in the jungle.

Who else fell from the sky? A bunch of soldiers and criminals I tell ya! Alice Braga, the only woman, Danny Trejo, Walton Goggins (Rapist like guy who is in prison jump suit) and Topher Grace. Topher Grace?! Yeah. He is just a doctor. Awkward.

Also, later they meet a past survivor. One Laurence Fishburne, kicking ass, and taking names.

So why are they out in the middle of no where? Eventually they find out that they are prey, for some type of aliens war games. Humans who speak English tend to call them Predators, which is good to know! I am sure their alien name is something like Graafbbfzx. These Predators only tend to kill bad humans though, not innocent ones. So, the title makes more sense when you realize that even the prey are “predators” in their own right. We see what you did there, movie people.

But an alien that only prededates on other predators? So it is like an army of strong, alien, highly technological, Dexters.

I can kind of see the resemblance too.

What can you expect from a movie based on some 80s movies? A pretty decent action movie, actually. By making all the humans bad people, I have no problem with a force running around killing humans. Usually I think Humans > All Aliens, but hey, if they are bad people, who cares right? So I can enjoy the (many) deaths that occur, and the tactics the humans use to try and survive and kill them first.

Thankfully the plot didn’t have much going for it. A very easy thing to imagine, since we already have to imagine aliens with great technology, we can easily imagine they can have a planet where humans can live, and teleport them from Earth to this place, and you know, death. Also there was a samurai sword fight scene out of no where. These Predators at heart at just warriors, and duelists. They give humans a fair fight, and I like that too. What is the fun in massive slaughter?

So, I think Mean Girls 2 was a made for TV movie, on ABC Family or something like. It is also a stand alone film. You don’t have to know anything about Mean Girls, because the two films are nothing alike. Okay, it does happen to be the same high school. Oh, and the popular people are “Plastics” again, but hey, whatever.

Picture: Some Plastics. A girl no one likes. And the main character. Can you guess who is who!?

This movie is about a girl named Jo (Meaghan Martin). She moves around a bunch because her dad does work for…something. I dunno, it involves fixing cars. She is good at working with tools too. Yes, I realize she is a woman, weird right? She has rules at new schools. Befriend no one, avoid girl drama, avoid dumb boys. Usually works out. But this is her last stop before college. She wants to be an Architect! She wants to go to Carnegie Mellon, but she also needs money. Especially since she has impossible tasks to get a scholarship like “over 2300 on the SAT, verbal and math”, a completely nonsensical statement which proves the writes don’t know how to get into college.

Anyways.

Despite already kind of making friends with Jennifer Stone (or at least hating the popular kids with her), her super rich dad offers her money to be her friend. As they are stupid wealthy (and why the rich girl hates her. Because she is slightly more wealthy, yet not as pretty) they want to buy her happiness, and realize she needs friends. So reluctantly, she takes it, since she needs to pay for college, and well, you know where this is going.

She becomes popular, and so does her new friend (Who she really befriends). They have a rival group! The Anti-plastics. By the title of Mean Girls, you realize that the only really big mean things that happen are a result of Jo, not the “mean girls”. They eventually retalliate, but a bit too far. So ired of all the shit, tired of being a “girl”, Jo (leader of the Anti-Plastics, if you forgot) wants them to settle it like men! Footballllllllllllll.

Because Men aren’t complicated.

So yeah. Nothing like the other mean girls. BUT. Tim Meadows in this movie, and his role is a bit funnier than the last. Still the principal, of course. That’s why this can be a sequel.

I think a lot of the hate comes from the fact that it is “2” and therefore compared to Mean Girls. On its own, this is an okay movie. It has some funny parts, expected parts. Is it a lot worse than the first? Heck yeah. But it doesn’t mean it automatically is one of the worse movies ever. It is okay and decent. This just goes to show, movies can be better than their name or cover. Except for Mars Needs Moms. That one cannot be.

Conan the Barbarian! Another reboot of another movie that is commonly considered an original. As always, I won’t compare this to the “original Conan“, nor will I compare it to the Conan books, (because I never do. And because I’ve never read them). All I really know is that the Conan creator was good friends with HP Lovecraft, so if we could just get a Cthulhu in the movie, that’d be perfect.

“Dead by dawn! Dead by dawn!”

The story begins with Ron Perlman, running around on a battlefield. He finds a wife. Oh shit she just gave birth. ON A BATTLEFIELD. What can this mean? They call this baby…Conan.

Then some guy comes over like, 10 years later, and is trying to collect the pieces of a mask. Each chieftain has a piece of the mask. Conan is too weak to stop the army, and the chieftain kills everyone but him, and gets the last mask piece. The mask gives ultimate power….eventually. Because for some reason, another ~10 years later, the world is still not completely shit. The guy also has to kill a pure blood thing, in order to unlock its powers. Apparently it takes a LONG time to find one of these people. Because now Conan, older and more Jason Momoa, can stop them.

Pirates. Accidentally finding the pure blood woman (Rachel Nichols), fighting, vengeance. This is the rest of the plot. Rose McGowan also plays a super creepy looking sorceress chick. Like. Way too much forehead. Was very surprising to look at. Oh yeah, there is some narration done too, of course, by Morgan Freeman.

There is a lot of blood and gore in this movie. Nudity too. You’d expect both in a movie all about killin’ and fightin’ though. The music that went with it was pretty good, and the visuals were pretty decent. The overall plot was of course super weak, and I was getting bored by the end. So much that I started listening more to the music and replacing the bass lines with words like “Fight” and “Action” to enjoy myself more. What?

There was no Cthulu, but there was a weird octopus monster thing! So that is close. Also there was a very exceptional fight scene with this sand warrior thing that kicked so much ass, it is pretty much worth it, for at least that.

And for people who really like Rose McGowan’s head.

I have a big problem with The Devil’s Double. The cover. It is atrocious and hard on the eyes. So I will fling it at you readers now!

ZA GOGGLES. ZEY DO NOTHING!

Like, whoa right? So much gold. The word double? Maybe this is about gambling. Dangerous dambling.

YOU WOULD BE WRONG.

This is based on the “True” story of Latif Yahia, a normal man just living in Iraq. Unfortunately for him, he looks a lot like Uday Hussein, son of the more famous Hussein you may remember dying from a few years ago. Both roles are played by Dominic Cooper (from Captain America! As Howard Stark!). I know what you are thinking. A guy plays two roles? Lame.

Well don’t worry, this isn’t some Disney channel Friday morning movie (Despite when I am posting this review). He plays both roles distinctively enough so that it is pretty awesome. They also have slight differences in their faces too, enough to make them seem different. And you know, mannerisms.

So Latif gets forced into being a body double, to become Uday Hussein. Live with them, take in the glory, and act like a crazy asshole. Apparently Uday is a crazy asshole in real life (well, was. Go America!). You know, lovin’ those little girls. Shooting people. Drugs. Partying. All that stuff.

Obviously Latif doesn’t want to do this. He has morals, damn it. He has a real family. So the movie is him trying to do his job so that his family back home (who thinks him dead) doesn’t get killed, while also trying to deal with the morals that come with doing bad things.

The movie is very over the top. People like to compare it to Scarface, just in terms of “Whaaaat” factor. I could kind of see it. I assume most of the movie isn’t real, except for the general story. Because this is Hollywood, not a documentary.

If they had one more double, they could take this show on the road!

Overall the story wasn’t too exceptional. However, Dominic Moore really busted out some acting chops for this movie, and it shows how much work he put into it.

Some people complain that it is entirely in English. I hate those kinds of people. If there is only one language spoken in a film, I think it BETTER be in English (if an American movie). Afterall, everyone in it can understand each other perfectly, so we should too. I assume they are speaking Arabic, but I can understand it perfectly, so it sounds normal to me. Oh yeah, Go America!

The Other Woman? Yes. This movie is the unofficial sequel to The Other Man. And by unofficial, I mean not at all related. It still deals with people cheating though, so don’t worry.

“Yay infidelity!”

Natalie Portman stars in this movie as the other woman. Yes! She meets a guy at the law firm, they get together (the guy says his marriage isn’t working anyways, but…the kid! He wants to stay together for the kid). Who was he married too? Lisa Kudrow, who can be a mean old bitch if she wants to. She really hates Portman, and it is understandable why (I mean, broke apart her marraige). The movie is very disjointed, because it is told from the present (of her living with the new kid + lawyer), but with flashbacks of first meeting him, and getting knocked up, breaking apart a marriage.

So in a real time line? Portman meets Lawyer Dude. They shellack in a hotel. She gets pregnant. He divorces Kudrow. They get joint custody of kid. Portman now lives with them and sees Kudrow a whole bunch because of the joint custody thing.

At the same time, it shows her interactions with the “not her kid” kid, and how awkward it can all be. It seems that everything goes wrong too, which Kudrow is quick to throw in her face. We also find out (early early on) that Portman produced a child with her new man, but that child died of SIDS.

The movie is about both Portman never feeling accepted into her new situation (after all Kudrow harasses her and says she is bad with children) while at the same time feeling that no one else cares about her dead child enough, and never cared at all. Portman does some outlandish things that will leave the viewer very upset, and begin to think Kudrow is right. Except, also, Kudrow is also a mean bitch.

This movie is really just about two woman who do questionable things.

You know. Like home wrecking.

So the movie is okay. It is an Indie flick. I don’t really enjoy the ending. At first you feel sympathetic for Portman (but why? She ended a marriage) but her meanness makes you question that. You will never like Kudrow’s character, because even at the end, when she does something positively, it is still very mean sounding. Must be because she is a woman of science. So overall, it is okay. I don’t think you are normally supposed to hate all the characters in a movie though, so that is a negative.

But hey. Anthony Rapp and Lauren Ambrose (Six Feet Under / Can’t Hardly Wait) have small roles. Nifty!

Of course when I first heard of the movie Larry Crowne, I thought of The Thomas Crown Affair and was for some reason disturbed. How dare a main character have a name that is spelled the same and spelled differently. There is no room for that in my movie world. But I haven’t ever seen the latter, just Larry Crowne now. So I guess Larry Crowne is better on that merit alone.

That other movie was a remake? I don’t believe it.

Tom Hanks plays the titular character and he just got fired from his big box store. Why? No college education, can’t advance. Well shit. There is only one solution. Sell a bunch of your valuables, switch to a Scooter, and go to a local college. Take economics, speech, computer classes to get far in the business world, and TAKE BACK THE NIGHT! He can thank Cedric the Entertainer, his lotto rich neighbor the help.

He meets people in school too. Including a scooter gang he gets to join, run by Fez. His teacher for 8am Speech, Julia Roberts, hates her life. Because she is married to Bryan Cranston, and as we know he makes meth. Well, that wasn’t addressed in the movie, but he did like them big titties.

More or less, this is a story of how a guy can start his life over. Getting that knowledge, meeting knew friends, and seducing his college teacher. What? For shame Tom Hanks. She is married.

Half of the reason people take college classes is if their teacher is cool. It is a bonus if that teacher has a good voice to listen to. I think that also explains why so many people are in George Takei‘s Economics class.

If anyone can take Tom Hanks phone away, it is George Takei.

It was an interesting movie. Kind of a feel good ish flick. Happy ending. But nothing in particular was that spectacular about the whole thing. Disappointing in that regard, cause its Tom Hanks! I need some more epic, sir.

You know, the title of the movie is way to easy to joke. It is obviously asking for it. It can’t not be intentional. Good Dick? Gahh.

“Good dick? I know nothing of it. But give me a second and I will find something “great”, baby.”

Alright, so the beginning is a bit creepy. Main dude Jason Ritter is working at a video store. Clearly living the life. A girl comes in, Marianna Palka, rents some porn and leaves. He is INFATUATED with her. He uses the computer to find where she lives to accidentally run into her and ask about coffee. He lies about why he is there (aunt in the complex) and continues to try to ask her out.

She continues to say no. This continues up to a point where he lies about his aunt’s death and for sympathy she invites him in, but even has a knife just in case.

Just in case what? Rape. Holy shit, jokes aside, but Flynn from Tangled may be right! This guy is a creeper and that girl should stab him.

Somehow eventually he pseudo moves in. The girl clearly has no interest in him or sex with anyone, and is super weird. But for some reason this guy is super patient and relentless and doesn’t understand the meaning of no.

The rest of the movie is him trying to, more or less, erode her down like a river, until she likes him too. Also to try and figure out why she is so weird.

I refuse to google “Good Dick” to find a picture of this movie.

Tom Arnold also has a small role near the end, but is a pretty good one.

If you get past all of the weird creepiness, it is an interesting story. I think it tried to be real, but just felt like the opposite. If there is anything I have learned, it is that big romantic movie gestures just get the cops called in real life. But damn it, the ending is so interesting once you find it out! Ahhh. What a dick movie.