The Invention of Lying

This movie starts off with a good concept (“Good”? I mean, at least it is interesting. Why not have a world where lying isn’t possible!).

The first part of this movie was definitely enjoyable. Once Ricky Gervais accidentally figures out how to lie, he doesn’t know how to explain it. He tries to explain it. But no one gets it. What a crazy world. Louis CK plays his friend too, who at least sticks with him throughout all this. Despite not understanding, he is fine freeloading, like any good friend. Once Ricky finds out he can lie, he becomes wealthy, he becomes a big shot movie writer, and everyone likes him.

Yet for some reason Jennifer Garner doesn’t want to fuck him. After all, he has pug nosed fat genes. Regardless of how interesting he seems, she can’t imagine how shitty their children would look. Rob Lowe of course is the example of the perfect human.

Ricky G Jennifer G loui CK
Yuck! Look at those hideous beasts! How dare they share an elevator with THE Jennifer Garner.

Anyways, despite being enjoyable, the first 20 ish minutes before the lie, it is pretty repetitive. Thankfully, they handle first and foremost that using it for sex is bad. Or at least way too awkward. Either way, after the main character gets all he wants and there is still half a movie left to go, it just becomes sad. Like. I didn’t find 4/5 of the movie to actually be a comedy, overall just kind of depressing. Sure it took him forever to get with Jennifer Garner, but the route was just blah. He gets into religion, and being more famous than he wants. But holy crap. This was just a sad movie. It had a happy ending? But who cares. I was depressed. Not even a comedy.

Also as a note, and I am sure you were thinking, is they quickly handle the “Oh man, what if he rapes women with this power” situation. That is the first thing he (And most males?) would probably try to do, sleep with a hot chick. Thankfully Ricky finds the situation weird because of how easy it works and decides to never do anything like that again.

Flynn the rapist
“No, I definitely would not have been weirded out with the power to rape anyone and it be okay.”

1 out of 4.

Shutter Island

When I heard of this movie, I thought “Hey, that sounds like a stupid movie. An Island with crazy and murderous people? Like an Asylum? That doesn’t make sense. Especially if it was in the past. We (As Americans) wouldn’t use our taxes to keep this facility running. We would so just kill them”.

Or at least just lobotomize them and slowly introduce them back to society.

Which is why I never watched it until now. I can’t remember, but I think Shutter Island is the name of the island, not a camera reference.

But I did like it more than I thought I would. After watching it once, I would assume that the second viewing is better than the first, knowing how everything will turn out. I cannot speak for a 3rd or more viewing however. Maybe just one more viewing, but other than that I don’t know. After that would be the M. Night Shamamalanana effect, kind of making it eh.

I actually correctly guessed the ending too, but not as detailed as it ended up being. I expected it in a much more cheesy fashion, going for the quick “oh shit” and that was it, but thankfully it was a lot more developed. I am not actually sure if Leonardo is a good actor, or just good at playing not in the present actors. Titanic. Man in the Iron Mask. Gangs of New York. This movie. All non present. He could just be a period piece dude. (Ignoring Inception and The Departed).

Also I didn’t realize it was Mark Ruffalo until the very end. Good he makes another appearance, where he does not unleash his hulk rage out on the crazy people aggressors.

Ruffalo Hulk
Ruffalo STARE!!

3 out of 4.

Jane Eyre

Victorian British things and I don’t get along too well.

Shakespear Shrug
“Not my fault. I’m renaissance.”

This I have heard is the best film adaption of Jane Eyre ever. Go with that. I was bored by the story. I liked the doorknob scene early on, but it all went downhill for me after that.

1 out of 4.

Hoodwinked Too!

Jeez. This movie has a lot of problems, which go way deeper than no more Anne Hathaway.

Anne Hathaway Hot
Of which this site is more than happy to fix.

It seems like it took all the parts I disliked from the first movie and turned it into this sequel. The first movie had the awesome interview scenes for 2/3 of the film, and some nice witty dialogue. The end, where they went all special agents to stop a squirrel? Pretty dumb. I laughed a bunch in the first one. This one had no laughter (minus the Troll scene).

The jokes fell flat, basing them almost all on stereotypes. The order of the old ladies or whatever wasn’t interesting. Cartoon old ladies never are. I didn’t want any Granny in this movie, but we got tons of Grannies. The first movie had a lot more of the woodcutter, and that is also why it excelled. The animation sort of reminded me of a video game the whole time I watched it and not in the good way. David Alan Grier as a troll made me laugh though.

But seriously. The ending of the film didn’t even make sense didn’t even make sense. No reason to think the rules of their universe/the snacks would work that way. That was dumb.

Why do they think Hayden Panettiere is a good replacement for Anne, I will never know. But at least Patrick Warburton, who does the wolf voice, still has an awesome voice. Probably the best part of the sequel (and the troll).

Moss the troll
Pictured: Awesome (or Moss) the Troll.

0 out of 4.

The Conspirator

This review will be a guest review, done by the post it notes my parents left me before I watched the film.

conspirator review

It reads. “OMG! It is one of those watching ones, not action.” (Meaning it is a drama, not an action movie).

Quick synopsis: The Conspirator is about the assassination of Lincoln, and the trials afterwards. Mostly the trial of the mother of a friend of Booth. Shows how corrupt the law was (true story).

Their rating system, two thumbs up is as high as it can get. No mutants here (If you ignore that the lawyer, James McAvoy, went on to be Xavier in X-Men: First Class), so I will agree.

4 out of 4.

Something Borrowed

This movie is a ‘chick flick’ with Kate Hudson, the young wife from Big Love, Some guy in a lot of Soaps, and Jim from the Office.

batman and robin
Holy clickable links, Batman!

I obviously wasn’t expecting much from this film to begin, but all of my laughs ended up being from JohnK, as his character seemed like it was acting identically like Jim, with just a little bit less looking at the camera. The story itself is bad morally. So much cheating and lies and not telling people whats going on (different from lies).

You see, girl likes boy. Boy is getting married to other girl. Boy used to like first girl. They girl 1 and boy decide to hook up anyway. Hahaha. Something Borrowed. It’s that wedding thing, but what is being borrowed is a husband!

All the lies that went back and forth was just awkward. I was frustrated with the people. It doesn’t help that based off of the characters characteristics (what?) the wrong choice seems to have been made at the end which is also just frustrating. But yeah. Everyone is flawed in promiscuity, except one character, who I guess is flawed in his anger (probably just represents how the viewers would be acting).

Also, roughly every other scene it seems like people were drinking and or drunk. Ah yes, Alcohol, the catalyst for shy white people to make bad decisions.

1 out of 4.

The Informant

I bought this movie because the cover made me laugh. Mattttt Damonnn just looks ridiculous.

The Informant Cover
Look at it, in all its glory.

And it seems hilarious. Didn’t read the back, no idea on what it was about, just his ridiculous ridiculous face. I think not knowing anything about it a much more enjoyable experience.

The movie tells of Matttt Damonnn, working for a company, which happens to be doing some illegal shenanigans. Nothing that important, just that his company has been involved with price fixing. He decides to tell the FBI. He didn’t think it would turn out to be such a big deal. He thought he could let them know, and be done with it. Nope. They needed proof. This causes him to become one of the most cooperative informants they have ever had. He is SUPER awkward though throughout it. And it is great.

Unfortunately some of the details he gives them are not adding up. Bunch this up with the fact that he is a weird guy, sometimes forgetting meetings, and avoiding people. Is there more shit going on? Maybe. His wife is played by Melanie Lynskey and the FBI agents are Scott Bakula and Joel McHale.

Mattttttttt Damonnnnnnnn

You keep asking yourself “WHY are you doing that???” Without trying to spoil anything, the movie gets pretty deep with its subject material. You just can’t stop watching the train wreck, thinking it can’t be real. You also never really know exactly what is going on.

It was good to be on that ride. What made it even more funny was Damon’s random thoughts throughout the movie, said through voice over. Generally these thoughts had nothing to do with the current scene, and it could make you miss important information. But the only thing you could do was nod along and think, “Huh. Why IS that?” It is also based on a true story (or at least the books about the true story), which I didn’t know until the end. Shocked I tell ya.

I should say ridiculous again.

3 out of 4.


Holy shit (hah!) is this movie short! I mean, my bar said 87 minutes, but the credits began at the 80 minute mark. The opening credits was a good chunk as well (even though there was story during that, but more on that later).

What is this, Land Before Time VI? (No. That is 77 minutes long). A friend of mine said that he thought they left a lot of the movie on the cutting room floor, which I have to agree. The plot confused me at times, and its not like this is hard hitting thinking material. But everything was either rushed. Or just not much happened. It is hard to tell.

Above: Either hard hitting thinking material, rushed material, or nothing at all.

Did I find things interesting? Yes. I enjoyed a majority of the fight scenes, visually they were great. Speaking of visually great, the opening of movie was good too. I believe it was done by the Priest artist of the comic, Hyung Min-woo. Probably why it was overall my favorite part.

I liked that the vampire eggs apparently hatched the same way a whelp hatchling would (Yah, I went WoW). I understand why the vampires lacked eyes and were very bug like. That is just science! I also like how it was a pseudo-western with kind of science fictiony angle.

Now I don’t understand why the Church would lie. I don’t understand why he went corny at the end with “No the war is just beginning!” nor do I like Maggie Q. Go away Maggie Q. Get a real name. I still want to read the source material, which I bet is fantastic.

1 out of 4.

Tron: Legacy

I have been waiting to see both Tron and Tron: Legacy for awhile. When Legacy came out on Blu-Ray, a local target had a sale for both movies on Blu-Ray for $30, but didn’t have the original there. It was sold out. So I said, “Screw you Target!” and didn’t get either. I felt like I was missing a part of life by not seeing the original Tron. I knew all the pop culture references, just not the movie. I was horribly disappointed with Tron though. Think it is popular more so because of its groundbreaking effects of the time, than actual movie quality, and that is the opinion that has stuck in our conscious. The Avatar effect, if you will.

Na'vi fuck you still
“Dude, quit dissing us on your site.”

This is a review of the second though, which could easily be watched without the first, which I guess was part of my problem. Despite being a twenty some year later sequel, you really don’t have to see the first at all to understand the second. So, why make it a sequel? Just because it has a similar world. Not worth it in my eyes. Yes. I also found that the music was good (as reported), and the visuals were fantasticles on Blu-Ray, it is just everything besides those two I found to be lacking.

Why are all the programs either goth, or just audience noises? Where is my fat people programs (the first Tron had that one guy). Maybe they just want to be far away from Tron Guy. It makes me wonder, what if Jeff Bridges didn’t become a big name actor? They really lucked out on having him, cause he was great in it. If they had a lame person in Tron, then they’d get a new person for that roll in this, and you know, not have as real of a feel. I hated the CGI young Flynn too. Olivia Wilde didn’t interest me either. Anyways, the plot was either weak or just confusing. So the movie might be best to just be on the background, especially if on drugs. It was more about effects than entertainment.

1 out of 4.

Cedar Rapids

Sometimes the quality of a disk can really determine how much you enjoy a movie. This would be my case for Cedar Rapids. About 50 minutes into it (out of 86) it was fine, but I might have missed about 5 minutes of material in the last half hour, which is a lot. Lot of skipping, so stuff gets all jumbled. This isn’t really the fault of Ed Helms or John C. Reilly, just my own disk. Onwards!

evil ash
And sally faawwwr…sally farrtas….grr. sallyforth.

Anyways, Cedar Rapids isn’t a stoner comedy, doesn’t use “offensive” jokes to make laughs, or much slapstick, but just goes a more natural route. I liked that. It was definitely a great change of comedy. I heard someone refer to it as a “midwest people” comedy, a stereotype we don’t get to explore at all enough. We pretty much have Fargo, as a northern midwest comedy, and that is about it. So a lot less funny accents here, and a lot more, “break out of your shell, you square!” comedy. The name also comes from the insurance convention in the region, which takes place in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

I also really didn’t hate any character in the movie, which was good (except you know, the “evil people”). Also, Maebe from Arrested Development as Bree the Prostitute was enjoyable. What?

3 out of 4.

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