Author: Admin

I first heard about this movie before it came out to theaters, a friend of mine saw the trailer and shared it and I was like, whoa, this looks pretty awesome.

I then “forgot about it” in that I could not remember the name. At all. I remembered what it was about. But the name?! I kept confusing it with Project X, not for similar subject matter, but I could imagine a lame title like that for the trailer I saw. It wasn’t until a few days ago when someone suggested I watch Chronicle. I was like, “Chronicle? Never heard of it, let me go to IMD-OH MAN THAT MOVIE!”

I was seconds away from downloading it illegally too, but don’t worry, it came out on DVD/Blu-Ray Tuesday!

Ah, they don’t look worried.

Andrew (Dane DeHaan) is a kid in high school, who is bullied and generally keeps to himself. He lives in a bad household too, where his mom (Bo Petersen) is dying of cancer and his dad (Michael Kelly) beats him and is verbally abusive. Because of this he decides to video tape his life as a self project, so that others can know what he goes through, have the last moments of his mom, etc.

People find it weird. People HATE being video taped, they just assume he is creepy. He is feeling all bad at a party his cousin, Matt (Alex Russell) made him go to, when Steve (Michael B. Jordan) the popular high school president friend of Matt makes him grab his camera to check out something cool. Matt and Steve found a huge hole in the ground that makes weird noises! So of course they investigate it. Well they find a giant blue crystal, weird noises, gives them headaches and nose bleeds, and breaks the camera.

Three weeks later? Oh hey look, telekinesis.

They figure out that it works like a muscle. Gets stronger the more they practice with it, and nosebleeds happen every time they exert too much power. Basic things cause it at first, but eventually these bitches can move cars. And fly! But dissension occurs amongst the ranks, as they realize certain things are bad, but other people don’t like being controlled. They plan to fly around the world together, after they graduation. Maybe visit those Tibet monks.

You know, as long as they don’t start fighting it out all telekinetic power wise, and have people die and shit.

I am just going to leave this here.

In case you didn’t know, this is a “hand held camera” movie, but don’t worry, it isn’t some found footage crap. It is just showing the film through whatever video collecting device was running at the time. Whatever it may be! That three week pause is because he didn’t get a new camera, so we get to avoid the delay of discovering they have powers, straight to them playing with them and figuring out what they can’t do. I didn’t find the camera too distracting either, and it kind of helped out the movie in a lot of ways just feel more realistic.

Matt’s pseudo love interest (Ashley Hinshaw) is supposed to help ground Matt, I guess, who might secretly be a smart guy but afraid to show it or else not be popular? Pretty much that aspect of his character is the only thing I didn’t like. He said a feel philosophical things, but they always felt a bit random to me and I think they threw that aspect into the character without fully defining the why aspects.

But everything after that I loved. The visual effects for this movie were great and like I said, everything just felt super real. Predictable events don’t always mean a bad thing, because even if you know which character is going to turn mean, you don’t know what he is going to do when he IS mean.

I am not why I keep getting surprised every time I see another recent but unknown movie starring Jesse Eisenberg. This guy seems to be in everything released in the last four years. He is bigger than sliced bread.

But what is more surprising about The Education of Charlie Banks is that it was directed by Fred Durst. Yes, that Fred Durst.

Official Chocolate Starfish of Baseball.

This movie is set in the past! OooOooOoOo. Mostly the 80s, where everybody was fly. Except for Charlie Banks (Eisenberg), because he was lame. He was also picked on by a bully, that no good Mick (Jason Ritter). He made his and other people’s lives miserable. But Charlie got him back. After Mick had beat up two people to near death levels at a party, he had called the cops and snitched, to get him arrested. I mean, for all he knew he was a murderer!

Now Charlie is a freshman in college, living with his roommate Danny (Chris Marquette, a rich guy they all grew up with. Hell, even Danny was friends with Mick before the incident, and knows not of the snitching of his current roommate Charlie. But guess who shows up for a visit?

Mick! Of course, out of Jail. What starts as a quick visit turns into a long stay as Mick begins to wear their clothes, read their books, attend their classes, and even hit on their womens! Or at least the girl Charlie Banks was crushing on (Eva Amurri Martino). He also still has some violent tendencies, but he might be changing. Or it is all a ruse, and Charlie is freaking out because he thinks Mick knows about his ratting him out, and he is here for some long torturous revenge.

But Charlie deserves some of it. He let Mick come and sit right there during naked hot tub time.

I think this could have been a very good story, but it failed to tell it in a desirable way. The title still doesn’t really make sense. Charlie Banks really doesn’t even change much in the film. He kind of stands up to Mick at the end, but that isn’t even what he should have learned throughout it all. Moral is also not that snitching is bad. Hell, I don’t know what the lesson really was?

People can change, but also makes it seem like people can’t at the same time. This is the worst role I have seen Jesse Eisenberg play, and think he fails quite hard at it. But that Jason Ritter guy? He kicks ass in this movie. The way he plays the reformed maybe bully, either trying hard to fit in and suppress his normal urges, or some dominating personality watching to slowly torture the guy who ruined his life. Unfortunately as the only good acting performance in the movie, with a pretty messy story, leaves it with a fail.

Hey, I bet by the name alone that you will think Eagle vs Shark is a super weird comedy?

Yep.

I don’t usually want people to judge the movie by its cover, but using the cover to help get yourself in the right mood has never been a bad thing.

Yep, it is going to be one of those kind of movies.

This is a movie about socially awkward people, and love. Lily (Loren Horsley) lives with her brother (Joel Tobeck), who is a cartoonist, while she works at a burger joint. They are devoid of good technology apparently, because after she takes an order from the customer, she apparently has to walk back and tell the kitchen. Fast food joints there are weird.

Either way she was picked “randomly” to have her job cut, because corporate demanded it, so she is kind of meh, and decides to try and get that cute customer who always walks in, Jarrod (Jemaine Clement) on his lunch break. After finally talking with him, he asks her to invite another girl to his “Animal” party, where everyone dresses up as their favorite animal. There is also a video game fighting tournament, which she kicks ass at. Then they awkwardly kiss and have some sex.

Hooray, now kind of dating. But Jarrod is a jerk, yet she still likes him. He convinces the brother to drive them to his parents house (pretty far away). He hates his family, but he is there for revenge, to KILL someone! A bully in middle school, who used to beat him and others up all the time. Well now after all his training (Video games) he is ready to take him on once he returns from afar.

But also his family doesn’t seem to be impressed enough by Lily, so he kind of breaks up with her, in the middle of the stay, with no way to leave.

Yep. More asshole than awkward. Either way, the rest of the trip is super weird and the eventual fight and return. And shit, that is about it.

Looks like Business Time to me.

I can’t say I am expert on New Zealand film, as this might be the only one I have seen. Definitely seen NZ tv shows, if we say Flight of the Conchords counts. But it is definitely a lot dryer and maybe sometimes subtler than other forms of humor.

And it is about 100% of this movie. Sure it has its wtf moments as well, but most of it is relied just on the awkwardness of the two individuals, in the situation they are in and trying to be politer at all times. Very proper New Zealand tactics.

This movie wasn’t any where close to amazing, but it wasn’t horrible either. At least it tried something new, where new is just…mostly nothing.

Ready for a vague ass movie review? Because you are about to get one.

Why? Because The Nines is weird. Super weird. And weird stuff happens early on that I didn’t see coming and I think it is essential to the story to not know about it ahead of time.

Literally clicking on the imdb link and looking at the cast list may be enough to make you go “Wait, what?” and give some spoilers away.

So let’s see what the hell I come up with!

EVEN THIS IS A SPOILER. Wait. No. Just a mouse trap.

The movie begins with Gary (Ryan Reynolds) being a pretty troubled dude. He is an actor, and just got into an accident. Maybe some naracotics were involved. He also had burned down his house. So now he is in another house, and under house arrest. He hears noises and thinks the house is haunted so he tries to run away, but the cops find him and put an ankle bracelet on. Not before a strange encounter with a deaf girl (Elle Fanning).

Shit! Not only that, but his publisher Margaret (Melissa McCarthy) now is moving into the mansion with him, to keep a watch and keep him from going insane. She didn’t know that there was also a neighbor Sarah (Hope Davis), who he has been talking to who is also under “house arrest” because of her baby.

But once they do meet, you can tell they don’t like each other (it isn’t subtle. They argue), and are arguing about the truth and Gary finding out. Finding out what? Why 9s keep popping up and notes about “The Nines” that he doesn’t understand? And what WILL happen when he leaves the premises of his house again?

Cue crazy shit.

For all you know, this might be in the movie, and not just a random cute koala.

Uhh. So it was a weird movie, and the plot summary I gave was only the first third. It is broken up into three parts, all pretty different from each other, yet weirdly connected. IMDB has the summary as

A troubled actor, a television show runner, and an acclaimed videogame designer find their lives intertwining in mysterious and unsettling ways.

Which is true! But also still a bit misleading. It definitely goes into a psychological/potentially spiritual direction that I didn’t see coming. And earlier on, when a chant of “Nine!” happened, it actually scared me and I was worried I was about to watch some screwed up Horror movie. Thankfully, it wasn’t really as scary after that, just weird.

While I like that it leaves it for some sort of interpretation and deeper meaning, I still think it could have been a lot better. I don’t think any of the main three cast members put on a great performance, all of it mostly just ehh. Thankfully the mystery kept me interested. I am not mad at what the ending turned out to be, but overall, I think they could have one a lot better on the story.

Ohh boy, Perfect Sense? I love movies about sense. I don’t love the notion that they like to assume that there is only five senses still, but I do like talking about them nonetheless.

But add in the possible end of the world? Well then yeah, that sounds like a double winner for me.

Who knows what they are doing underneath those masks!

Ewan McGregor is being all British and living in Glasgow, as a pretty fancy Chef. He meets a girl who is not at all impressed by him at first, Eva Green. But he is consistent, yelling from the alleys and what not. She is an epidemiologist. Someone who studies health events, disease spreads and what not.

Which gives an inside scoop as to what is happening. They randomly have some dude who lost his ability to smell completely. They are keeping him quarentened to determine if it is contagious, and doesn’t appear to be.

Yet it spreads. First people start crying uncontrollably, and once they are done, their smell is completely gone. Soon after that, their taste. Needless to say, once smell and taste are gone, people are less likely to go to a fancy restaurant. Seems pointless. Yet still, people must eat!

These are the minor complications of what is going on. It shows how people react to them throughout the world, but that isn’t the main point of the movie. It is the love between the two characters that develop. Unfortunately, and no one has any idea why, eventually after taste goes, the ability to hear falters too. Well fuck. That makes everything difficult. And even further after that, sight.

Needless to say, something effecting everyone around the world to slowly lose most of their abilities to perceive the world is kind of a bitch. People flip out, looting, and a general fear of leaving the house. What if you leave and become blind and already can’t hear? Fucked then. TV stations seem to be flashing the message of hope, that they are looking for the problem, to stay inside, etc. But does it work.

Further more, once Ewan and Eva have a big fight and leave each others lives, will they be able to find each other again before it all goes black? Or you know, will it all go back to normal?

Also featuring Connie Nielson, as Eva’s sister, and Stephen Dillane, as another cook.

But neither are worthy of a picture, when there could be a picture of Ewan sitting down instead.

Pretty crazy circumstances to build a love story around, I say. And It is AWESOME that they tried it. Well done.

But I think a lot of the delivery I overhyped, and was left wanting a bit more. The final scene? Yeah, it was good and romantic up to the gills. Which is what they really wanted to do. But I still think it was missing something.

The narrator of the movie bugged the crap out of me. She talked a lot, but not about a lot of different things. Just love, true love, etc. I got the point, and wished the movie could have just played out without all the interruptions.

Also took me awhile to figure out that some of the events were shown out of order. No need to play games with me movie. I am already dealing with sensory loss.

Ahhhh another documentary, run for the hills!

Thankfully, in a documentary such as This Film Is Not Yet Rated, it doesn’t really tackle an issue that people are 50/50 on. Most people I know are all on the same side of the argument.

Which argument? The MPAA sucks argument.

I have no idea what kind of pictures to show for this review.

Seriously. If someone actually before this was like “Man, the MPAA is great. They are so consistent with movie ratings,” then I would think that was a made up person.

It is one of the easiest things to bitch about when bitching about movies. “How the hell is this rated PG-13 when blahblah is Rated R? How have we gotten more strict on movies (Jaws is PG) and less strict on violence and gore?”

It went over the history of the MPAA, and how films get their ratings. There is a secret board made of parents with children from 5-17 years old, and apparently they can’t serve more than five years. Their identities are kept secret in order to protect them. They watch a movie, determine a rating based on what they feel are appropriate for their children, and that is it. They specifically are parents with no training in terms of film education or child up bringing, because they wanted an “Average consensus”.

Now what is wrong? Well, Kirby Dick, the director/narrator also hired private detectives to figure out the board. At the time, a lot of their members had their kids outside of the range stated, and one even had no children at all. Similarly, they found out that larger film producers were given more specifics on what to cut, specific scenes that earned them a hire rating and how to make it lower, while indie people were given a rating and said to resubmit with cuts with no hints.

It also showed a bias in the rating between sex material, and was more willing to give an NC-17 if it was homosexual sex versus heterosexual sex.

As an added bonus, he submitted his film for rating (which received an NC-17 for the scenes in it of NC-17 films). But also recorded that process as best he could (phone calls) etc, and also the repeal process. The repeal board is a different group of individuals, and also includes a protestant and catholic priest (which may or may not get to vote).

No cameras were allowed in the building, and for some reason they refused to release any individual names and quickly got pissed off and said no to his repeal. Thankfully the private investigators already investigated who was at those meetings months earlier! Oh yeah, most of the appeal people are movie theater and studio executives.

Uh oh.

What have we learned? That PI’s ar pretty kick ass in real life too.

Now that it is 5-6 years later after released. What has changed?

Hell if I know. I bet board members were changed on the MPAA to fit the standards they claimed. But the repeal board? Eh, maybe just the normal changes over time. But as the MPAA gotten any better?

Hell no. So many ratings disputes still up for grabs, all of that Bully drama (which I might not disagree with. Wanting to show it to middle/high schoolers is not a reason enough to lower a rating. Also the Weinstein bros have said that the best type of advertising is free advertising…aka controversy), and you know, other stuff.

All this means is the movie did absolutely nothing to warrant a change. But as far as I am concerned, this and the FCC need to go, and we just have to make more people mad about it. Kony 2012 this bitch! Watch this movie, is on Netflix (eek!), who helped make it (oh okay). And if you want to hate the FCC more, feel free to watch Bullshit! episode on Profanity.

Casino Jack is the second of “movies Kevin Spacey has been in recently that apparently no one has heard of”. Very specific theme. Only two I was doing, this and Shrink.

Oh how mysterious and …weirdly bordered he looks.

This is actually the true-ish story of Jack Abramoff, the most lobbyist lobbyist in the America.

Dude was making bank, and lobbying up a storm. People in Congress were making bank, him and his family were making bank. Evurrybody was living it up. On what? Indian Casinos. More specifically the SunCruz Casinos, that go on a cruise to “nowhere” but mostly to get into international waters.

Him and his partner Michael Scanlon (Barry Pepper) are getting rich and quick. But they make it seem like Abramoff is donating a lot more to charities, and the betterment of his love one and not “wasting it” as much. His wife (Kelly Preston) is worried about their finances, and then eventually on where they come form.

Their bigger problems start when the help of Mattress Kingpin Adam Kidan (Jon Lovitz), who unbeknownst to the rest of them, has ties with the mob and other bad people.

This eventually leads to a series of events that brings down their decline, and prosecutors having a field day with the amount of people who accepted the bribes. It was a pretty serious deal. Wiki that stuff. Yet somehow no one seems to remember it, despite its large implications. Oh and Rachelle Lefevre is in this movie. But I just forgot what her actually role was. Whoops.

Also, yelling!

Kevin Spacey has turned into the king of mediocrity? No, that’s not right. He is decent in this movie as well. But the rest? Damn, thats mediocre. Like a lot of his last few years worth of movies. I guess he just does what ever looks interesting, gives it his all, and not everyone else can be as good as him.

Maybe if he was worse the movie would seem better because everyone is acting as good as Spacey? This is some serious conspiracy Keanu stuff here.

But why do I say that? Well, parts of the movie were interesting. Parts went above my head. But parts were also pretty uninteresting. Overall just okay, again. Like Father of Invention. Oh yeah. Another recent Kevin Spacey movies.

Just saying. His movies tend to be better with a lot more known leads, like Margin Call, or Horrible Bosses, when he doesn’t have to carry the load on his back.

If you guys knew how many lesser known movies Kevin Spacey was making nowadays, you’d be shocked. Shocked!

Because everyone loves Kevin Spacey right? Even when he is in mediocre films, he is usually the best part and everyone is happy. Because yay Kevin Spacey. But why all these films that aren’t advertised? Today I watched Shrink, which came out in 2009. And well, I am sure its probably not something anyone really knows. Tomorrow I will watch Casino Jack, a 2010 movie with him. Heard of it? No. Probably not.

I am sure most would be willing to tell Kevin their darkest problems too.

Kevin Smith is a celebrity therapist in LA. Exclusive and famous clients, who all have problems. No cameos here, but Robin Williams does play an actor who is in therapy for alcoholism (but doesn’t believe he is an alcoholic, and thinks himself a sex addict instead). Unfortunately for him, his wife also recently committed suicide and he is kind of having a rough time with it. He starts drinking himself, avoiding his bed room, and hanging out with his pseudo-relative Jesus (Jesse Plemons) to get drugs and high with.

His dad was also a therapist and it is clear Kevin is having a hard time. After a failed intervention, he gets him to start therapy for a high school girl, Jemma (Keke Palmer) as Pro Bono work saying it would help. Why? Turns out her mom committed suicide too. She wants to be a filmmaker some day, but is having quite a rough time at the moment.

At the same time, he is handling a few other celebrities. Saffron Burrows is an actress, married to a narcissistic rock star husband, who makes her feel insecure about her age (joint therapy, husband the real problem). Dallas Roberts is a talent agent who is a germaphobe and has anxieties, who’s biggest client is Jack Huston, who is also addicted to drugs.

Finally, Mark Webber is his kind of related god son, who is a struggling writer who might finally get inspiration through Kevin’s clients. Also interested in romantically with the assistant to Dallas, Pell James.

Yeah, lots of plot lines going on here. Most importantly Kevin trying to handle his clients (who end up being way too connected for his liking) while also failing to take his own advice to deal with his own problems.

Jesus wears glasses.

As we learned from The Sopranos, sometimes even a Shrink might need a Shrink. Having to hear others problems for so long can drive a person mad and not feel as important. This isn’t the plot of the movie, just me free balling.

An interesting concept of a movie, but I definitely thought there was a lot of plots going on. I wasn’t sure why there was so many separate stories for awhile. They eventually became more and more connected (or they always were connected, just more and more revealed) but ehh. Still felt weird. Some of the client stories (Robin Williams / Saffron Burrows) seemed to go nowhere by the end. No where exciting at least, nor did they really end.

Everything else was neatly wrapped up in the movie though. Kevin Stacey does good. I thought each of his scenes were decent, but the flip out on TV scene didn’t feel natural at all. But yeah, wooo therapists.

I personally feel a bit British just saying the title of this movie.

Conversations With Other Women.

It feels so proper, and pretensions.

Yet at the same time, so adulterous.

While also potentially having a lot of talking.

And by that I mean tons of talking. That is all the movie is! But good dialogue is good.

Aaron Eckhart is at his sister’s wedding. He finds Helena Bonham Carter. one of the bridesmaids, and she is British!

Now is good time to note that this movie is “split screened” with a left and right side. Most of the time, each camera is focused on both of their faces. They happen to be near each other the whole movie too, so its good for their conversations.

They also have some sex that night, despite the fact that she has a husband (Ex husband) and two kids in London. He is in a lot of different relationships, random ones, even young girls. But maybe they also knew each other in this past and this is fate?

Oh hey, and Olivia Wilde has a role as drunk bridesmaid, and Thomas Lennon as weird video camera guy. And some quick flashbacks of the man and woman, played by different people in their yuoth.

What’s that? You said you wanted an example?

Well, as expected, this movie has a lot of dialogue. Like, aside from some strategic awkward silence, it is mostly a night long conversation with the two leads. Not a whole of lot of women, unless you consider Helena to be the other woman.

But was it interesting? Well kind of. But also slow.

I mean hey, give it a shot if you like banter.

Ah fuck.

The Woman In Black is based off of a book too. Seriously. I think that is at least 50% of my movies nowadays. Should I go back and tag all movies based off of books to figure this out? Just might have to.

Oh hey look, Harry Potter.

Set in some Olden part of ye Englande, it begins with three kids playing. Oh no! Wait that isn’t weird. It is weird when they all decide to jump out of the window and kill themselves. Huh. And then a woman in black.

Enter Arthur Kipps (Daniel Radcliffe), who is in no way a ghost buster. No, he is a lawyer. Lives with a four year old son, Joseph (Misha Handley) and the nanny (Jessica Raine). Wife died during child birth, and everyonce in awhile, Arthur likes to imagine her still alive. Weirdo.

Either way, he has to go to a different town and handle the the closing and purchase of a new house. Who use to live there? Some woman Alice, her husband, their son, and their sister, Jennet (Liz White). No one seems to like him, except for the wealthy landowner (Ciaran Hinds, possible the most British looking person ever) and his wife (Janet McTeer).

So guess what? He hears weird noises, and scares himself a bit. He sees a woman in black, outside, but she disappears. Next thing you know, some kids are all “ahh our sister is dying” because she drank something poisonous. Well he doesn’t save her. She dies. Rumor has it anytime someone sees the woman in black, the child closest to the scene will be driven to kill themselves. That makes sense.

Blah blah blah. Some people getting possessed. Some people in bad mental states. Some people raising children falsely. A very weird muddy graveyard. And a solution to the curse!

Seriously. Could anyone look more British?

The Butler did it!

Just kidding, there is no butler (with speaking lines).

But seriously, I thought this movie was lame. Even for a person who claims to get scared easily, I wasn’t ever really scared. This film seems to implore the “Lets just have normal things happen unexpectedly for fake tense moments to have the person jump but never really scare them” technique 9 out of 10 times. It kind of got annoying, and very predictable. Real normal unexpected surprising events for jump scaring don’t always come out with the music, but in this movie, they will.

The story wasn’t the worse. But how they figured out the “solution” to the curse seemed to come out of no where. That was the only scary-ish movie just because it looked a bit gross.

And the ending? Ugh, it was dumb. Very unsatisfying ending. Don’t worry, it is not “it’s all a dream”. I’d rather that be the ending than what happened.