Month: February 2014

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Are you disappointed I didn’t review Valentine’s Day? Me too, a bit, but I just got My Bloody Valentine on Blu-Ray for a whole dollar, so I really really wanted to review it sometime soon. Before we all forget that this remake was even happening.

One thing I remember from the previews for My Bloody Valentine, way back in 2009, is that it really really wanted to sell the whole 3D idea. This came out about 11 months before Avatar, so at that point, no one cared about 3D movies. It was usually that Blue-Red crap, and the RealD stuff hadn’t really expanded that much (Although that is what this movie used). So yeah, I remember thinking, “3D, ew!” because I assumed it would be shit.

Boy, look how far we have come as a society.

That’s right. Killers in grocery stores. That is about three steps away from Nirvana.

The movie takes place in a shitty small mining community. Back in the day, they had a mining collapse that trapped several people inside. Days later, only one of the miners was found alive, Harry Warden, but he was in a coma. This took place on Valentine’s Day. That might be important. Either way, they find out the other miners were killed by a pickaxe and determined Harry killed them to give himself all the available air. He wakes up from his coma a year later, going on a murderous rampage in the hospital and mine (where a teen party is being held) before he is a shot and killed.

But the majority of the movie takes place ten years later…

Tom (Jensen Ackles) has returned to town. His father was the owner of the mine, and he has just died, so he has come back to sell it. He barely survived the attack from Warden ten years prior, the police killing him right before the blow. A mistake of Tom is also reason for the cave in, so the death of the miners was also on his hands. Either way, he left town, vowing to never return, but now he is back.

And guess what, apparently so is Warden.

Tom’s old girlfriend Sarah (Jaime King) is now married to Axel (Kerr Smith), who is the new town Deputy. Too bad he is cheating on her with Megan (Megan Boone).

Needless to say, someone is starting to kill people again, and most of them are related to the events from ten years ago. Whether it be the local cops now retired (Kevin Tighe, Tom Atkins) or teens that were partying in the mines that night. And who is the killer? Someone involved? Or a random townsfolk who is upset that the mine might be sold, ruining business?

Edi Gathegi is also in this, as a deputy.

The main actress has all the qualifications necessary to star in a horror film.

My Bloody Valentine is actually a remake of a 1981 film with the same name. From what I can tell, they have wildly different plots, except for the killers trademark gear and weapons.

I must say, I was surprised at how many ways he could kill someone with a pickaxe/shovel/mining gear. There were several creative ways, and the dude did a good job sticking to the theme.

And hey, technically, by the end, I was still guessing on who the killer actually could be. I don’t hate the answer, it was nicely done and added a unique angle to it all.

That being said, this is probably a shitty movie and you know it. It goes over the top on purpose, and stays near the top, with ridiculous situation and kills that are at least mildly entertaining. The acting is dull, but that is what it was going for.

Adding it all up, it is probably the best Valentine’s Day themed killer movie there is, but being on top doesn’t mean great quality.

Finally, it is February, which means theaters are allowed to show good new movies again! Both The Monuments Men and The Lego Movie are out the same weekend, which adds some credit to the theory that studios literally wait to release their movies right outside of January, to separate themselves from the junk.

This movie in particular has an all-star cast, directed by George Clooney (his fifth overall), and a World War II story. Yeah, it has a lot going for them.

Typical rag tag group of men to save the day.

The Monuments Men tells the true story of a group of seven men, mostly art historians, curators, and museum directors, who join up with the Allied forces to preserve culture and art that might be destroyed during World War II. Most of these men are old, or out of shape, but they believe in their goal, and convinced the men in charge to let them help.

They were brought together by Frank Stokes (George Clooney), who had the idea after they almost lost The Last Supper when the UK bombed a city. His hand picked team included James Granger (Matt Damon), a painter, Richard Campbell (Bill Murray), an architect, Walter Garfield (John Goodman), a sculptor, Preston Savitz (Bob Balaban), a historian. They also have Donald Jeffries (Hugh Bonneville) and Jean Claude Clermont (Jean Dujardin), a British officer and a French man, for culture purposes. They are later joined by Sam Epstein (Dimitri Leonidas), a German translator.

These men split up around the war front from 1943-1945 searching for lost and stolen treasures. The Germans hid the art in their country and intended to destroy them should Hitler be killed. They also are racing against the Russians, who have lost so many men in the war that any stolen art they find they will steal right back and keep for themselves as a sort of reparations.

Also starring Cate Blanchett, as a very convincing French art curator, who really enjoys a nice painting. Like. A lot.

Bill Murray looks like a fucking giant in this movie.

Well drat. Turns out, The Monuments Men ended up being the antithesis to That Awkward Moment. If you remember, That Awkward Moment looked bad, but turned out to be decent.

Clooney took an interesting piece of history, put in great actors, and gave us a mediocre movie overall. It is incredibly disappointing that this movie wasn’t amazing, but I have to make sure my review still accurately reflects the overall quality, and not just say it is bad because I am feeling betrayed.

This movie did surprise me in a few ways. One, I saw Murray give a real and convincing cry, which I definitely did not see coming. I don’t think I have ever seen that man cry, it was heartfelt, and I almost teared up as well. Two, I did learn about some famous art pieces in Europe, and it is awesome how close they came to being destroyed/lost forever. Three, there isn’t a number three.

All of the funny moments made it into the trailer, leaving not a lot more for the movie. That is incredibly disappointing, as it was advertised a comedy, with not a lot of laughs. The rest of the movie was slower and more dramatic, but most of the times I didn’t really care enough about the individual characters to care what was happening to them.

The Monuments Men will be forgotten with time. It was a decently acted movie, certainly not bottom of the barrel in terms of quality, it just didn’t have a lot more going on for it.

I’ve seen some weird movies in my days.

You know it is true, because I go and seek them out. Weird strange movies are like my beer of choice, if I had a beer of choice.

Which is why I was interested in seeing Bad Milo! The plot line is definitely on the weirder side, and it had the potential of being a good horror/comedy, not just a shitty one. So, you know. Hope it delivers, and shit.

You will be grinning like this guy once you get that last subtle joke.

Not gonna lie. I watched this like two weeks ago, and kind of forgot to write the plot outline right away. So I am going to vague it up.

Duncan (Ken Marino) has. Um. Stomach problems.

Like, really big stomach problems. Turns out there might be a polyp or something in his stomach. Not good. But it turns out, his stomach problem has the ability to kill. Just not him. During a very big episode in the bathroom, Duncan passes out. When that happens a big…well, look at the picture. That thing leaves his ass, all evil and shit, and goes and kills someone who was annoying him at that moment. The thing returns, safely crawling back into his ass and he doesn’t know about it.

Yay! What?

Yes, apparently poor Duncan is hosting his own inner demon, that kills for him. Kind of strange.

Also starring Gillian Jacobs as his wife! Stephen Root, Peter Stormare, and Patrick Warburton too, as various characters.

Shit, this movie is a romance. Who saw that coming?

Bad Milo was a very…well…interesting movie.

The concept I can say is unique, even though it is parodying off of some other horror tropes. Not enough ass play in those regular movies though, so this one had to add that element, so that we could all laugh and enjoy it.

The movie is unfortunately really low quality, which I would say negatively affected my viewing. Just a bit too low budget B-movie for me.

Really, it just didn’t do that much for me. That is why I took so long to finally write this review (And going to 5 days a week of course). Even though I like some of the actors involved, it just didn’t feel creative enough for me. Sure, ass monsters that leave and kill people? Creative. But everything else, ehhh.

I am probably just being a negative nancy. I think I gave the movie a fair shot, it just didn’t appease. Oh well. I am sure there will be more shitty movies in the future that I might enjoy.

I am probably going into Vampire Academy with some biases. I am fucking tired of all these mother fucking vampire movies in my motherfucking queue. All of them, trying to modernize vampires, to make them the stars, to not make them evil, to make them just like us but blood sucking, to make them as normal teenagers or college students. Fucking tired of all of it. It is no longer original.

But this one is based on a book, so it gets a pass? Nah, the first of the six book series was made in 2007, so it was just riding the supernatural romance wave that Twilight had created, like all of the other similar books and stories.

“LOL we are totes unique right?”

Rose Hathaway (Zoey Deutch) is a totally weird teenager. We know this, because she says so, and people who say they are weird are usually the weirdest people. (That is a joke). She is a Dhampir, which has small amounts of vampire associated with it. Not a full fledged blood sucker. No, those are the Moroi, and they are the best of the vampire types. They have royal bloodlines, and generally the Dhampirs serve as their protectors. Like her best friend, Lissa Dragomir (Lucy Fry), a vampire princess.

Both of these types are mortal. There is a third type, the Strigoi, who are undead and evil and immortal. They are much stronger and cause a lot of havoc, and can advance their species through their bites. They hate the Moroi. There you go, the plot in a nutshell.

The movie begins with them having escaped from the Vampire Academy for some reason. They felt unsafe there, and would rather live in the real world with the Strigoi. But then they get captured and brought back. Lame. High school. Cliques. Prom. Ugh!

Unfortunately, when they get back to school, everyone hates her, including one adulterous whore, Mia (Sami Gayle) who is hopefully behind the threats coming after Lissa at school, and not someone more sinister.

Starring Danila Kozlovsky as Dimitri, a powerful Dhampir bodyguard, Gabriel Bryne as Victor Dashkov, a royal, and Sarah Hyland plays his niece. Dominic Sherwood plays the dark and brooding love interest, Cameron Monaghan a friend vampire who never gets the girl, Olga Kurylenko as the headmistress, and Claire Foy as a missing teacher no one cares about.

Technically not prom, because they are their own school thing, we all fucking know it is just prom.

Vampire Academy, the movie, was directed by the man who directed Mean Girls. Fun fact! When I first saw Mean Girls, I knew it was an amazing movie, and it has held the test of time. This director does not mean instant success, although I guess there were some similar thematic moments between the two. In terms of how people react to people.

But the entire plot felt rushed. Everything happened so fast, time changed so quickly. The entire point of the movie was “Hey Vampires! They are just like people, being all catty and shit”. But, as I said already, it has been done to death before. The characters don’t feel unique. Our main gal Ruth is a fast talker, but she never really does enough early on to earn that cocky attitude. Who am I kidding, by the end, she really still doesn’t do enough to earn that attitude.

Certain plot lines began in the movie, and then they just kind of felt forgotten about by the end. I guess they are hoping this six book series becomes popular enough to turn into seven movies (because you will have to split the last one in half), and in books stuff like that happens. But is almost unforgiveable in a movie, in my opinion. The ending itself was a sort of cliff hanger, and it made me feel robbed of an actual story line. Clearly, the story line that was hinted at was way cooler than the one this movie actually gave us, where at no point did anything feel serious or threatening.

Let me just say, having the relationship between student and old dude was also super awkward. Why are you doing this movie? Why?

Maybe the movie was actually okay and I am a bitter old man. Or, or, hey hey, listen. Or maybe. Maybe it just sucks.

When I first heard of The Lego Movie, sometime mid 2013, I will admit I thought it was stupid. I know Lego has been revamping itself pretty intensely for the last decade, being more than just a child’s toy. With so many themes, and now video games based on movies, it is no surprise they are making a movie based on a game.

When I first saw the trailer? I was immediately hooked. This became one of my most looking forward to movies in the first half of 2014. Shit, it was even done by the guys who did Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs and Clone High. Those guys know comedy and they also know their pop culture references. Combined with an idea that has stuck its fingers in most pop culture references over the last few decades, and you have the potential for a storm of success.

See! One of these guys is excited about the storm of success!

In this story, our hero is one Emmet Brickowoski (Chris Pratt), who lives in the city and does the same thing each and every day. He follows the instructions on the box, lives his happy life, and builds things. There is absolutely nothing unique or special about him. That is, until he meets Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks), who is about to turn his reality upside down and change his life forever!

She introduces him to the Master Builders, other Lego people who can see from the world around them and build creations quickly and without instructions. Like Vitruvius (Morgan Freeman). He also learns that President/Lord Business (Will Ferrell) is going to unleash some power called “The KRAGLE” on the population in a few days, destroying everyone’s way of life forever!

From a series of accidental circumstances, Emmet is being labeled the “Special” and all of their hopes to saving the day are coming down to him. He will also have the help of other Master Builders like…Batman! (Will Arnett), Benny the 1980s space guy (Charlie Day), Metal Beard a strange huge pirate (Nick Offerman), and Unikitty (Alison Brie). Also, a Good Cop / Bad Cop (Liam Neeson) is working for Lord Business to capture the builders on the war front.

Shit, there is a ton of cameos too, which I won’t tag on the bottom, but might as well mention here. They also have Channing Tatum as Superman and Jonah Hill as Green Lantern (because, 21 Jump Street), Cobie Smulders as Wonder Woman, Shaq as Shaq, Billy Dee Williams and Anthony Daniels reprising their roles as Lando Calrissian and C3P0, and Will Forte as Abraham Lincoln again. His first time as Abe was of course, Clone High.

But you don’t care about them. You all just care about Batman. Don’t you?

Wow. Just wow.

Easily, the first thing that should be talked about is the animation style. They went full out wild with this, wanting to insure that everything always A) looked like Legos, and B) looked like how Legos moved. [Editor’s note: Some contention as to whether or not LEGO is supposed to be pluralized by an S, given it’s company name. They might prefer ‘LEGO Bricks’ if you do multiple ones. Well, I say fuck that, we call them Legos in America]. So yes, the movie could be considered a bit choppy to get all the movements right, but that gave it charm and personality and made me giddy the entire time. Watching waves or an explosion, but noticing they are all still lego pieces is incredibly exciting.

It was also pretty hilarious. I love pop culture as much as the next guy, but I do think their humor relied far too heavily on the fact that they were using major properties, such as Batman. Batman was in this movie way longer than I would have imagined (longer than any other already existing property). Although he was funny too, they were all specifically Batman jokes, and rarely just joke jokes. Most of the main team had their quirks, but none were as trademarked as Batman.

I also feel like parts of the ending were a bit…forced. Shit went real different at the end, kind of ruining the pace for me. All of the sudden, bam, we got a lesson to learn from this movie. I think it went far too long and took away from the film a bit.

I still really like this movie though, just the slowed down ending and over reliance on specific characters is what disappointed me. It was hilarious, creative, and shit, the animation itself is almost worthy of 4 out of 4. Honestly, I have a hard time believing there might be an overall better animated film the rest of the year. But it still had some faults for me. Even if Everything Was Awesome.

Because of a freak blizzard, I wasn’t able to see Ride Along and Devil’s Due until the actual day they came out. What!? Madness.

For that reason, I had to find some other devil based horror movie to watch. That also involved shaky cam. That also sucked.

Hey, thank’s a lot The Devil Inside!

That’s a creepy way to tell someone you’d go down on them.

In this totally true story, it is going for a “documentary” format, not just awkward shaky cam. This woman, Maria Rossi (Suzan Crowley) supposedly killed three people, including two priest in the 1980s, and it was a big mystery as to why. She was sent to a psychiatric hospital in Rome, and basically forgot about. Except not forgot about by Isabella Rosi (Fernanda Andrade), who is totally her daughter. Couldn’t you tell from the last names?!

So she hires a camera man Michael Schaefer (Ionut Grama) to get to the bottom of it.

Eventually, they go to Rome, and somehow get into a class on exorcisms with a whole bunch of Vatican cardinals and shit? That seems odd, but I guess it works.

There, some people argue about exorcism versus just other psychological disorders. Apparently the Catholic Church doesn’t do many official exorcisms anymore since the mid-90s, because they have to be 100% certain before trying now. So they won’t fix her mom, trapped in a Catholic looney bin. But no fear, she somehow meets two priests who are totally willing to let her know they do exorcisms on the side and will help. Father Ben Rowlings (Simon Quarterman) and Father David Keane (Evan Helmuth).

Then some stuff happens, people die, and a shitty “documentary” was made.

Wait, this bitch was actually in the movie? Pretty sure I missed her.

All the shitty horrors. When did this movie come out? Sometime in the last year and a half? I remember it coming out and I had no desire to see it, but obviously I realized that isn’t the point of my website. Watch everything I can, try to get the underdog or weird movies.

Fuck, I just looked up the stats. It has a reported budget around $1 million, because it is just another shitty exorcism movie. The box office money is apparently $101 million. That is $100 million in profit. Stop it. Stop it right now everyone.

I found no redeeming qualities in this movie. It wasn’t even long enough to get good. Less than 90 minutes, boring story, bad scares, fake messages, dumb ending.

Just. What? And the fact that all the advertising is that nun lady, who I don’t remember actually seeing. It must have a been a quick bullshit scene though.

I will say again, this movie had no redeeming qualities at all for me. It should be burned. Devil’s Due was miles beyond this one.

That Awkard Moment at first glance appeared to just be another dumb buddy comedy at the end of January, but then I really looked at the three main actors involved.

Sure, Zac Efron early on was typecasted as a pretty boy who could sing, but he has been in some more serious roles recently, with The Paperboy and Parkland. Also, shut up, I like him a lot in Hairspray. So he isn’t a terrible actor, he just was in some terrible movies early on.

Miles Teller busted onto the scene more recently. First, he was the boy in the very sad Rabbit Hole, then he was the best part of the Footloose remake, the best part in 21 and Over, and starred in the incredible The Spectacular Now. This guy hasn’t made many poor decisions at all.

Finally, we have Michael B. Jordan, who recently wow’d audiences with Fruitvale Station, but was also awesome in Chronicle, Parenthood, and now rumored to be in the Fantastic Four reboot. Not to mention he sometimes sounds like a young Denzel Washington.

All I am saying is, this film might not deserve to get written off so quickly.

But, then again, it might just be another stupid comedy.

The story, it’s a simple one. Mikey (Michael B. Jordan) has recently found out that his wife Vera (Jessica Lucas) has been cheating on him, with her lawyer. Her lawyer is a Morris Chestnut looking motherfucker (when really it is D.B. Woodside, who yeah, looks like Chestnut but is also somewhat famous).

In order to help cheer up their friend, who has been in a relationship for many years, his best buds Jason (Zac Efron) and Daniel (Miles Teller) all agree to stay single for as long as possible now. Because women are evil! Relationships are stupid! And all that other stuff.

Unfortunately at the same time, Jason meets Ellie (Imogen Poots), an intellectual sort who has been trying to make it as a writer. She is different from the rest of the girls on his “roster.” Daniel also realizes that Chelsea (Mackenzie Davis), his forever wingwoman is actually also kind of special, so they begin a secret relationship. At the same time, Mikey is trying to patch things up with Vera, despite her cheating ways.

Yeah, some bet, right? Not even a prize or anything. No reason for it.

Bet you didn’t expect to see two shirtless men in this review, did ya?

In That Awkward Moment, the one thing I can be glad they didn’t do is say the movie phrase a lot or make it a recurring theme.

There were some awkward moments, but some of those moments were also incredibly sad and depressing. Although a lot funnier in the first half, it goes hard into the romance angle on the second half. Not fully reaching the RomCom levels or anything, but it is still actually a Romance Comedy.

And the reason why I enjoyed it so much is because of the talent involved. Not just the three guys I mentioned above, but also Poots and Davis. Davis was not as important of a character and hasn’t really been in anything else, but she really played her role well. Poots did a good job (and/or the writer) by not portraying a stereotypical woman character, in a male dominated movie.

The chemistry between the three male leads was also incredible. Being an audience member, I really felt like I was just hanging out on the couch with them and joking around. The bromance was real. Teller played a similar role to his roles in every other movie. I found Efron to show a large emotional range, more than I am used to, especially in the second half. Jordan did good too, despite his character being in the most depressing of the three situations.

What can I say? Talented actors can make a dumb concept movie entertaining and good.

I can’t remember which movie it was, but I only know about Best Man Down by watching some other shitty indie movie.

It was a trailer before it (because some times I am too lazy to skip them) and the plot just seemed really intriguing to me. I was even more surprised to find that it wasn’t yet out on DVD and I’d have to wait to see a movie. Those dicks.

Either way, it has been awhile since I have loved a random indie straight to DVD movie, so the odds are not forever in its favor.

This would be an example of Best Man Up.

Hooray weddings!

We are gathered here today to celebrate the matrimony of Scott (Justin Long) and Kristin (Jess Weixler). About time, amirite?

Lumpy (Tyler Labine), good friend of Scott, is his best man and very very excited about the whole thing. He goes crazy all night, drinking booze, living it up, being a bit annoying. Well, next morning, he dies. What the fuck? Didn’t see that coming I bet.

See, now Scott and Kristin have a huge problem. (Technically, Lumpy has the biggest problem). Now their happy day will forever be remembered as also the day Lumpy died. They will have to cancel their honeymoon, and put on a funeral. They aren’t selfish people, these are just facts. But it turns out that Scott might not have been keeping up to date with what exactly Lumpy had been up to. He lost his job, and dropped out of school, but no one is actually sure why.

He also has a strange relationship with a high school student, Ramsey (Addison Timlin) up north, who no one knew about. She has her own problems, with a whore-ish mother (Frances O’Connor) who is dating a junkie.

Ohhh, secrets, what fun!

Well shit, now the Best Man is neither up nor down, he’s just fucking missing.

Yeah, so, strangely enough, I really liked this movie. I had a bigger emotional attachment to it than I would have expected. Shit. Having someone die at your wedding? That is all sorts of fucked up.

The movie felt pretty real too, both in Lumpy’s side story, learning about the last year of his life, and the newly married couple’s reaction to the events. A lot of powerful lines when I think back to them, I was going to type some quotes but A) out of direct context, they lose their power and B) no one probably gives a shit.

It wasn’t a long look into the lives of the main characters, but it was enough to really know how they valued friendships and how their lives would change from the event.

It had some humerous moments too, but it is definitely far more on the drama sides of things. I will say the funeral uppercutted me emotionally as well, if you know what I mean, where a nice speech was given by Addison Timlin’s character, and I really like how it wrapped up everything at the end.

So yeah, surprisingly nice indie movie. Yay.

I watched this movie, because I allowed a vote and gave vague descriptions. Sure, I obviously was going to watch it anyways, but by golly, Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li is first!

Eh. Well, I have only seen the early 1990s Street Fighter movie a few times, but I remember it was at least somewhat enjoyable and super campy. I mean, it had JCVD and Raul Julia (one of his last movies!), great people right there.

So, I won’t compare this to the game story-line at all, because really, I don’t know it.

Shit. He is in this movie? I am sad now.

When Chun-Li (Kristin Kreuk) was a little girl, everything was just swell. She learned some sweet fighting moves from her father, Xiang (Edmund Chen) and also some piano skills. That is, until some thugs busted down the doors to her house and started wrecking shit! They steal her father, and well, that is that.

Many years later, Chun-Li is a concert pianist, living it up. Apparently she wasn’t too badly affected by the kidnapping, until she receives a mysterious scroll. Basically, it tells her to stop doing shit, and fix other shit. So she has to seek out Gen (Robin Shou) and learn how to fight better to save her father.

He was kidnapped by M. Bison (Neal McDonough)! And his gang of thugs, Balrog (Michael Clarke Duncan) and Vega (Taboo). And uhh. He is also a bad man in real life. The cops are after him, for some reason. Non street fighter characters Charlie Nash (Chris Klein) and Maya Sunee (Moon Bloodgood).

This is the closest you will get to her outfit.

Awww, fuck. It is bad. Thankfully not rage against the Earth bad. The badness just made me super super board. Street Fighter has a rich history, lots of fun characters, and this one shows like…what? Four of them? Fuck all of that. Wheres my green electric person? Wheres my actual badass Bison? Where is my stretchy arms dude, or fat Asian man? Wheres my red and white shirt Karate people? You can tell, I know a shit ton about Street Fighter.

Either way, the action in this film was boring, and the plot was even more boring. I had to battle falling asleep, even though it was still early evening.

Story and plot were rough too. No one really seemed to fit their role. Even Michael Clarke Duncan, he was way too large/slow to be some epic boxer dude.

The one good news about even attempting this movie is finding out about Street Fighter: Assassin’s Fist. Some TV show happening eventually. The poster looks super awesome. Could it help the series as much as Mortal Kombat: Legacy helped that series? Hopefully better, because nothing actually came from MK: Legacy.

Yesssss, a Jason Reitman movie!

Who is Jason Reitman? Well, he did Up In The Air, Young Adult, Juno, and Thank You For Smoking.

That should be enough for you. I guess, he also directed Labor Day. He has pretty interesting movies, so I expect good things from this super drama looking movie. Like. Seriously. The trailer shows like no comedy at all.

This is the strangest sex scene I have ever seen, and it involves a minor!

Labor Day takes place in the late 1980s, and you know, was a book and shit. Henry (Gattlin Griffith) is living with his mom, Adele (Kate Winslet), after his dad (Clark Gregg) has left her for his secretary. The dad has a big second family now, but he wants to live with his mom, who never really recovered from the divorce/cheating, as if the entire concept of love had left her.

She doesn’t leave the house much, maybe just once a month to get supplies, but that is all. Well, unfortunately, on her monthly shopping trip, Henry is approached by Frank (Josh Brolin), and he is hurt. He needs a ride, so Henry takes him to ask his mom. Turns out the ride he needs is to their place, and he seems threatening.

Ah, he is an escaped convict, sent to the paddywagon for murder. Pretty extreme. Although he seems “nicer” at the house, he still has to put up appearances of taking them hostage so that they won’t get in trouble if he is found out. Some light bondage, if you will. But while he is there, he fixes things around the house, cooks food, you name it. He wants to hop on a train that goes by their house, but a dang holiday weekend (guess which one!) kind of ruins it all.

But even more remarkable, is that eventually, there is love.

This film also has James Van Der Beek as a random cop (small role), J.K. Simmons as a random neighbor, and it is narrated from the son’s point of view, but also by Tobey Maguire, not Gattlin. Only felt a little weird there.

Apparently, hostage holding has gotten a lot more seductive.

Well, shit. I guess Jason can make a movie I don’t like or higher.

I was kind of disappointed with this movie, like, super disappointed. Like, bored. It was very slow moving, and extremely simple.

What is giving it the higher rating is mostly Kate Winslet. She acted the hell out of that role, really incredibly. She said so much with her eyes and hands. Acting for the win yo. Brolin was good too, and an interesting character.

I just didn’t find any bit of the situation believable. The ride to their home, him staying over, just…it all felt awkward and fake. Having Tobey Maguire narrate it felt weird, because it clearly wasn’t the kids voice. Thankfully he was in the movie at the very end, reflecting on the 4-5 days, but still, it was super dang awkward.

The ending was a bit awkward too in that regard. It did catch me off guard, and you know, suddenly tears, but the story I still kind of hate. Just, Kate Winslet’s acting yo. If you watch it, watch it for her. I don’t know if this movie is a 2013 movie delayed, or an actual 2014 movie. So, who knows about its award potential.