Month: November 2011

Another Earth takes a simple concept movie, about guilt and redemption, and adds a second “Holy Shit What???” Sci-Fi ish component, to help ease all of the tension. Or make more tension. One of the two.

This would seriously fuck up the tide.

The movie begins with some people driving. They get into a car crash. BOOM.

Four years alter, Brit Marling is getting out of jail. I think she was underage at the time, like 17, but put in prison for those four years thanks to accidentally killing a whole family in the other vehicle, except for the dad, who was put in a coma. Brit feels horrible. I assume her whole four years in prison she had one of those dark rainy cartoon clouds following her.

Not to mention, that during her time in jail, scientists discovered “another earth”.

Right now, I will say that scientifically this movie doesn’t work. They give you tidbits throughout the movie, in terms of news on tv, and other radical discoveries. But apparently there is a second earth on the other side of the sun, in the same orbit, that has human life. First they question if it is some space mirror phenomenon, but after sending probes it is not. Weird shit starts to happen when they finally are able to send messages over there with responses. Why weird shit? Because the Dr Lady who sent the messages in Earth 1 was talking to some Dr Lady of the same name. Who did the same grocery shopping that day. Who has the same birthday.

What?

We are supposed to assume that the same chances and things that occurred on our Earth, occurred over there as well. If everyone has someone else who has had all the exact same experiences happen to them, they would make the same decisions. Also known as determinism.

So over time, for some reason, the planets are getting closer, and you can see it in the sky. I don’t know why there.

Back to plot. The guy gets out of the coma, William Mapother (Ethan from Lost). He can’t function the same way, his brain hurts a lot. Used to be a music professor, now lives at home in the muck. Brit, with her guilt, eventually finds him, and lies, pretending to be a free trial of a house cleaning business, to try and get to know him and help his life out.

All relationships of course that begin with lies eventually come out.

True for everything but Breaking Bad (so far!).

Brit also enters a contest to win a seat to the first spaceship to go to Earth2.

That is about all I can say. The movie, again, is about second chances, and unfortunately, the ending leaves way too many questions. I was shocked at what happened, and really, my mind can go all the different possible ways with what it shows.

It is an indie movie, with an obvious small cast and lesser camera work, but if you make it through, and ignore the scientifically impossibilities (in terms of the Earth getting closer and not screwing things up / wondering if it also had a moon / dinosaur meteorite?) then it should make you think. In the good way. I think I might have to watch it again, just to see what I might have missed!

When I saw The Art of Getting By was going to star Freddie Highmore, I guffawed out loud. That kid? The one from Spiderwick Chronicles and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?

Well, dude bro isn’t a kid anymore. Well. Kiddish. But he is a lot taller and way more mature.

Or at least Emma Roberts is super short.

The movie begins with George having to explain why he didn’t do his trigonometry homework. Why? Because he claims he realized his own mortality last night and everything else just seemed unimportant. So at that moment I figured this George guy was supposed to be very smart, but you know, an underachiever. What happens in this movie? Him accidentally befriending Emma Roberts. George falls in love with her, but has some social anxieties to go with the rest of his problems (including becoming poor?) so he flips a shit of course. It also turns out that by the end of the year, thanks to never doing any work (well, gradable work), he also will not graduate.

Alright, so my plot write up is kind of weak. It is hard to say what really happens in this movie without giving a lot of it away.

In fact, I had a hard time figuring out if I even liked it overall or not. I thought Freddie did a great job. The dialogue used I definitely loved, as he talked way too smart. There is a great scene where he calmly and rationally told his parents to leave him alone. Giving nice reasons and everything.

But really, that is all I probably really liked. The ending wasn’t at all original. The side story involving the artist Andrew Levitas wasn’t anything special either. The only great parts involved George and his interactions with his family and new friends. The story might not appeal to everyone. In fact, it is just one of those “privileged white people problems” movies. I think that is why the critics hated it so much.

Sometimes people like those kind of movies though.

But because Freddie just did so gosh darn good, I have to give it an okay rating.

Sometimes you look at a movie or title and think that it can only be ridiculous. This, more often than not, is probably true. Thankfully for Tucker & Dale vs Evil, this is the good kind of ridiculous.

Bloody ridiculous.

This movie is about misunderstandings. It also is about playing on a lot of horror tropes. Movie begins with a group of college students going to the woods for camping or something. But they realize they forgot the beer! OH NOES! So they go to a “Creepy” looking gas station to stock up. They also meet Alan Tudyk (Tucker) and Tyler Labine (Dale), where Dale finds the college girls attractive and just wants to talk to them. But his nervousness is creepy.

And oh noes! Katrina Bowden, still from 30 Rock, gets injured so they take her into the cabin to help her out, because for “some reason”, her friends all run away from the hillbillies. I am doing a horrible plot description.

From the young college kids point of view, they thing Tucker & Dale are dangerous hillbillies trying to kill them all, and want to save Katrina Bowden! Tucker & Dale have no idea that these kids are just being judgmental, and think they are running around killing themselves like a suicide cult.

Hilarious!

So this is a parody on horror movies more or less, and it does a fantastic job. I thought it was going to go a lot further, given the location of their vacation home and the opening scene, but maybe they are leaving that stuff up to future. The evil, in this movie, is of course Xebophobia.

And Xenophobia can lead to horrible consequences.

Overall, I thought it was a very clever film. Tudyk and Labine have great chemistry together, and the only thing I wish is that they had more even screen time. Labine was the star of the movie, and got more of it about him as a result. The ending had some cheese factor that was maybe a bit too much, but hey, the whole movie is ridiculous. Here is hoping another one happens in the future!

Piranha! A movie in no way taking itself seriously, relying on CGI “3D” effects for a better experience, and a lot of naked womens. Okay, technically that could fall under a lot of different Horror movies, but this one still has a more obvious comedic element to it. In fact, the first scene involves Richard Dreyfuss being the first to die, which is an obvious shout out.

Obvious shout out, sure. But to what?!

Earthquake opens up a chasm to an underground lake that has been sealed off for thousands of years. What is in it? A larger more dangerous form of Piranha!

“Wait!” you say. “Sealed off for thousands of year? How could they survive!”. Apparently cannibalism. So they still have large numbers somehow despite that.

At the same time as this small earthquake, Spring Break is happening on the lake of this local sunny town. Ving Rhames is the Sheriff of the town, and he hates it, with his Lieutenant being Elisabeth Shue. Her son is local boy, Steven R. McQueen, who instead of watching his little siblings, accidentally gets a job showing a pornographer the cool hot spots of the lake. Jerry O’Connell is the drug and sex crazed filmmaker, and really shows that Jerry will do anything they ask of him.

Also involved? Jessica Szohr, his friend who is talked into coming along, and Kelly Brook, a way too hot porn actress. Anyone else in this movie? Of course!

Christopher Lloyd plays retired paleobiologist like dude, who recognizes the species that was thought to be extinct (somehow). Also, Adam Scott, a GEOLOGIST, who leads a team to check out the opening to the lake.

So, most of the film is a couple of random small deaths out of no where, and teases of deaths. Also, lots of hot college kids partying it up, and the “famous” underwater naked scene involving Kelly and random porn actress. That scene was /very/ long, and had opera music in the background. An example of mocking itself, I guess. But once they finally attack the boat / the spring breakers, it is just way way way too long.

Its weird enough to see the local cops firing their shot guns into the water to try and kill all the fish. But it just seemed like so many minutes of watching people, more or less, die the same way, in a gruesome light. The “dude trying to escape on a motor boat and run over people along the way” scene was also horrid. Ving Rhames deserved his Oscar for what he did in the movie though. It made the most sense out of all the cop actions (didn’t make sense. Just made the most sense.)

Only a bad ass geologist would think to jump on a jet ski to drive around and shoot fish in the ocean.

I was going to give it a 2/4 just because of including a Geologist hero, and so I did it anyways. I almost made it lower because of a silly grudge, but fixed that. Just now. There is a planned sequel, Piranha 3DD (get it?), and it is starring that plant chick from Sky High, and a water park.

When I heard the title, Season of the Witch, a naturally assumed some fantasy based film: knights, witches, magic, what not. I didn’t know it would try to be a “fictional historic movie”. I do love me some Ancient History too, but not that Medieval crap, so that wasn’t a good start.

The “Main Star” choice was also a bad start.

Nick Cage and Ron Perlman are Crusaders! Rawr! The beginning opens with them kicking ass seemingly all over Europe (thanks to different weather types and, you know, subtitles telling me place names). They are so bad ass, they can even make jokes during their melee-tastic frays! But once they end up having to kill innocent people and women, they leave the order, turning their back on the Crusades and Jesus.

Later, in another part of Europe, they are discovered to be deserters! So they are imprisoned. The local king though is all kinds of dying, thanks to that Plague thing. They think they found the witch that started it all (Claire Foy), so they need someone to take her to a Monastery far away,so they can determine if she is a witch and get rid of the plague. Also joining them? Head knight Ulrich Thomsen, Alter boy Robert Sheehan, Priest dude Stephen Campbell Moore, and criminal who knows the way Stephen Graham.

Yep. So they journey, and try to determine if she started the plague or not, if she is a witch or not, and you know, try not to die themselves. Also, figure out why God would do all this.

Oh what shenanigans is God up to now!?

Personally, I thought the movie really dragged. It was hard enough to accept the ending, but also I am expected to believe that Nick Cage is more bad ass than Ron Perlman? Never! Impossible! I definitely believe that people back then may have blamed witchcraft on something as horrible and deadful as the Plague.

But the movie went pretty much as expected. A twist near the end wasn’t really that much of a twist at all. The sometimes obvious fake scenery that a few scenes have also seemed to bug me. Fights / action sequences were okay. But most involved either dark scenes making them hard to understand, or felt way too long (the last one). It can be an okay film, I guess, if you just want some Medieval action, but found it pretty lacking in enjoyment.

Yeahhhhhhhhh Sexytime!

Pink Robe? Check. Redneck? Check. Mexican Donut? Double Check!

Sex Drive was a teen road trip comedy coming of age story movie, that when it came out, I think I saw about one advertisement for. Like every movie, I was about to watch the unrated version of the movie, but it began quite differently.

The unrated version begins with a poorly edited (on purpose) message to viewers, that the unrated is significantly different. It has more boobs and dicks, more jokes, and is way too long. Since it said it was only for already fans, I switched to regular, and holy crap, the unrated has about 20 more minutes of time added to it. That is serious.

The movie is kind of like The Sure Thing. Kind of. Josh Zuckerman is chatting up a girl on the internet, and lying, because that is expected. For some reason, her lies make her want to do him, so he decided to drive from Chicago to Knoxville to hit that. So he steals his brother’s car (James Marsden), and along with his best friend who thinks he should be a dick to chicks (Clark Duke), and accidentally with his best friend whom he likes (Amanda Crew), he drives off!

CRAZY ADVENTURES COMMENCE!

But does it end with Zuckerman and Crew falling in love? Of course. Fuck you if you thought differently.

Also in this movie are Katrina Bowden, from 30 Rock, as internet girl, and Seth Green, playing the role of “master of Sarcasm Amish dude”. His role was fantastic. Also, James Marsden as “entirely way too offensive older brother” had me laughing out loud on more than one occasion.

So if you want a comedy full of sex jokes, and obvious plot paths, Sex Drive is your movie. Not sure if I will ever watch the unrated version, but I am sure it is way different.

Such shifty eyes, Seth.

Looking at all of the tags, I know you are thinking the same thing. How the hell does a movie called Predators not also include Chris Hanson?

Because he’d catch them all too quickly and make them have a seat.

The movie begins with Adrien Brody falling in the sky. He is strapped to the chair and flipping out, cause he is falling through the sky. He kinda gets a parachute off, allowing him to note die, but also, only kinda. I generally don’t expect to see Brody as a big action star, but he pulled it off pretty convincingly in the jungle.

Who else fell from the sky? A bunch of soldiers and criminals I tell ya! Alice Braga, the only woman, Danny Trejo, Walton Goggins (Rapist like guy who is in prison jump suit) and Topher Grace. Topher Grace?! Yeah. He is just a doctor. Awkward.

Also, later they meet a past survivor. One Laurence Fishburne, kicking ass, and taking names.

So why are they out in the middle of no where? Eventually they find out that they are prey, for some type of aliens war games. Humans who speak English tend to call them Predators, which is good to know! I am sure their alien name is something like Graafbbfzx. These Predators only tend to kill bad humans though, not innocent ones. So, the title makes more sense when you realize that even the prey are “predators” in their own right. We see what you did there, movie people.

But an alien that only prededates on other predators? So it is like an army of strong, alien, highly technological, Dexters.

I can kind of see the resemblance too.

What can you expect from a movie based on some 80s movies? A pretty decent action movie, actually. By making all the humans bad people, I have no problem with a force running around killing humans. Usually I think Humans > All Aliens, but hey, if they are bad people, who cares right? So I can enjoy the (many) deaths that occur, and the tactics the humans use to try and survive and kill them first.

Thankfully the plot didn’t have much going for it. A very easy thing to imagine, since we already have to imagine aliens with great technology, we can easily imagine they can have a planet where humans can live, and teleport them from Earth to this place, and you know, death. Also there was a samurai sword fight scene out of no where. These Predators at heart at just warriors, and duelists. They give humans a fair fight, and I like that too. What is the fun in massive slaughter?

Dun nun nun nun nun. Pew pew. Whip it good.

I immediately apologize for doing that. But for some reason I cannot delete it. Oh well.

When I first heard of this movie, I thought it was lame. Mostly because Drew Barrymore annoys me half the time, and she was in charge of it. Similarly, this might have been Ellen Page‘s first big release after Juno. Not sure.

So plotwise, Ellen is a loser in Texas! Her mom makes her do beauty pageants, but she doesn’t want to. Teen angst. Her friend, Alia Shawkat, tells her to man up and stop doing shit like that. Before I go on, her life at home is different. Her dad is there, but never fully around. It makes it seem like he is living in a van (where he has a TV for sports and stuff). But why is he in the van? Maybe its because he is Daniel Stern, and thus no one wants to be near him.

“Want to join me in my van, little kid?

So yeah, she goes to a roller derby event, loves it, and Kristen Wiig tells her to try out.

Sorry it took so long to get to the actual plot. That took awhile. She does, but she has to lie about her age to do so. I am sure that won’t come back to haunt her.

Through some miracle she makes the team, but is never played. Until she starts to play, and her small frame allows to score the heck out of some points and actually let her team win a game or two! Then they all become the best of friends! Then rising action, climax, end of movie.

Oh, and Jimmy Fallon is the announcer at all these games.

“A movie about mostly girls, and you show pictures of two dudes? That’s sexist.” – Gorgview.com reader.

Unfortunately for my Drew Barrymore dislike, I liked her movie. The conflict near the end was obvious, but it was also was kind of just swept under the rug too. That kind of bugged me.

Ellen’s transformation from “Okay mother” pageant girl to kick ass “celebrity” who learns to take control of her life is a good one. There is morals too in the story, and not just loose ones. That is a plus. But it was also entertaining and funny. Besides, it is also kind of a sports movie, and who doesn’t love sports movies?

So, I think Mean Girls 2 was a made for TV movie, on ABC Family or something like. It is also a stand alone film. You don’t have to know anything about Mean Girls, because the two films are nothing alike. Okay, it does happen to be the same high school. Oh, and the popular people are “Plastics” again, but hey, whatever.

Picture: Some Plastics. A girl no one likes. And the main character. Can you guess who is who!?

This movie is about a girl named Jo (Meaghan Martin). She moves around a bunch because her dad does work for…something. I dunno, it involves fixing cars. She is good at working with tools too. Yes, I realize she is a woman, weird right? She has rules at new schools. Befriend no one, avoid girl drama, avoid dumb boys. Usually works out. But this is her last stop before college. She wants to be an Architect! She wants to go to Carnegie Mellon, but she also needs money. Especially since she has impossible tasks to get a scholarship like “over 2300 on the SAT, verbal and math”, a completely nonsensical statement which proves the writes don’t know how to get into college.

Anyways.

Despite already kind of making friends with Jennifer Stone (or at least hating the popular kids with her), her super rich dad offers her money to be her friend. As they are stupid wealthy (and why the rich girl hates her. Because she is slightly more wealthy, yet not as pretty) they want to buy her happiness, and realize she needs friends. So reluctantly, she takes it, since she needs to pay for college, and well, you know where this is going.

She becomes popular, and so does her new friend (Who she really befriends). They have a rival group! The Anti-plastics. By the title of Mean Girls, you realize that the only really big mean things that happen are a result of Jo, not the “mean girls”. They eventually retalliate, but a bit too far. So ired of all the shit, tired of being a “girl”, Jo (leader of the Anti-Plastics, if you forgot) wants them to settle it like men! Footballllllllllllll.

Because Men aren’t complicated.

So yeah. Nothing like the other mean girls. BUT. Tim Meadows in this movie, and his role is a bit funnier than the last. Still the principal, of course. That’s why this can be a sequel.

I think a lot of the hate comes from the fact that it is “2” and therefore compared to Mean Girls. On its own, this is an okay movie. It has some funny parts, expected parts. Is it a lot worse than the first? Heck yeah. But it doesn’t mean it automatically is one of the worse movies ever. It is okay and decent. This just goes to show, movies can be better than their name or cover. Except for Mars Needs Moms. That one cannot be.

Super 8, by JJ Abrams, has been one of the more hyped releases for awhile now. (Outside of Twilights, Harry Potters, and Hangover 2). Honestly, I have been asked a LOT when this movie is finally coming out, as they pushed it back at least once from October to now.

But I think a lot of the hype is warranted.

Feel free to commence “OH Facing” now.

The film takes place at the end of the 70s, Disco is still good, and technology is still not rampant. If it was, these kids would have a jillion youtube hits. Riley Griffiths is a kid with a dream, to make a movie on his 8MM camera and be shown in a local festival. So he gets his friends, borrows a camera, and starts his dream. Doing a zombie flick. Yay zombies! They even convince AJ Michalka (sister of Aly!) to join their project and be the detective(Gabriel Brasso from The Big C)’s wife.

Afterall, ever good production needs some T&A. For the kids, that is her. Also involved are Zach Mills, Ryan Lee, and Joel Courtney, son of a cop (Kyle Chandler), great at makeup, and actual main character (Got cha!).

While filming a scene at the local train station, they see a train coming past. They quickly rush to film their scene, thanks to the great production value! But a dude in a truck rams the train and everything goes to hell. The End.

Or not. Holy shit wreckage everyone running, and the camera filmed it all! But what were those weird noises? Did they see a creature? What about these cube things? Whats going on? They of course decide to tell no one they were out there, run away, and (sort of) try to solve the mystery, while at the same time weird things (thievery) and deaths begin to happen around time.

So yeah. That is what this movie is about. Making movies. Young life love and friendships. And holy shit alien monster thing.

I really liked it though. A lot of the kids are more or less unknown actors, who have only one (this) or a few film credits. So the majority of the cast was just fresh and new, giving it a more real feel. Unless you watched the Friday Night Lights series, then you probably don’t know Kyle Chandler either. What I really liked was just the emotions everyone conveyed in the movie. Their fear seemed real (probably had Rob Reiner yelling at them, for some reason), and their strive to work together just gave that “ah, youth! nostalgia!” feeling.

You won’t be screwed into never seeing the monster. You will get more than enough to appease that palette, don’t worry.

This could be the next E.T, and it only took 30 years. Is it? I don’t know, I never saw that movie.

Don’t give me that look kid. I just never saw it. That is what happens when it comes out before you are born and the parents never show it to you when you’re a kid. What? hey. Come back here. Readers! Stop leaving my site saying I have lost all my movie credentials! Noooooo!

You guys should watch it. It is about 2 hours long. Some parts in the middle are a bit more boring than the rest, but if you sally forth, you can make it, I swear. Also, in the credits you get to see the Zombie movie in all its awesomeness.