Day: November 11, 2011

Fading of the Cries? Interesting title. I know nothing about it.

Alright, interesting cover. I guess. Maybe some action movie involving like, vampires or stuff. probably CGI dependent, and dumb plot, but hopefully it is interesting too?

Nope. Not at all.

This movie is a super low budget cheesy “scary movie” reminiscent of those SyFy original movies. Except even those have better acting than this one.

Here is a rough plot outline. Hallee Hirsh puts on a necklace. Town goes to shit. Gets saved by super emo dude with sword Jordan Matthews. The drones might be zombies? They want to kill humans at least, and have no eyes, but also run fast and look super blurry. Her mom (Elaine Hendrix from Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion) and sister have to just hide in the house confused.

There is also some flashbacks of some Michael dude (Thomas Ian Nicholas) finding a spell book and releasing evil power. He is the uncle of said main chick. And yeah, that is about it. Don’t want to spoil the lore…that I don’t necessarily understand well.

So, as expected, the acting is horrible. No one is believable. The whole movie has horrible special effects. Some of the “Creatures” just look disturbing. Which I guess is a plus for this type of movie. The ending may have had some twists in it, but they didn’t even have reactions to the twists. No one gave a damn about this movie, everything may have been done in one take.

Is she coming on to me?

They did show a transformation from human to weird zombie eye thing. Was pretty cheesy. This is one of those movies where I am mad that everyone didn’t die at the end. Also, in the parts where homeboy had to kill lots of zombies (as they ran into his twirling death sword, more or less) and in other zombie scenes, it seems as if they just loved making that “Gut Wrenching Scream and Fall Into Distance” noise. Just, pushing that button over and over again. It’s a noise also made famous for being in Aaahh!!! Real Monsters!

I am glad they are trying some new things. All good and fine. But coherentness would be a plus. On the plus side? This would be a perfect movie to get drunk to and make fun of with friends.

This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson. Also, Alan Rickman is Snape, Michael Gambon is Dumbledore, well, not really. He is dead.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Woo! Last movie of the series! That means if you ignore the weird Pottermore thing, Harry Potter is done, out of our existence. Until 12-15 years from now when they reboot the series again for a new generation.

This movie takes off where Part 1 left off, as it should. Sadness about a dead Dobby. Immediately, thanks to a goblin, they decide to go to the ultra secure bank. Which one? The only one that exists, as far as the universe is concerned. It ends up going wrong, and thanks to the powers of Hermione’s cleavage (don’t click that link) they do they not splatter.

Find a Horocrux. Lose sword. A whole bunch of gold objects get duplicated? Seems like a great way to make bank (in a bank!). They tame a dragon, and escape, and then they undress again.

Guys. They are all legal now I guess. They want you to know this.

Some random scenes later and HEY THEY ARE BACK AT HOGWARTS. Another horocrux is there, but where? Oh man, Death Eaters. They have an hour to make defenses and find the object. Unfortunately during this time, it seems like all Harry is doing is taking his time to stare out of his window and talk to Luna, or slowly talk to ghosts. No real hurry in his eyes. But who has Hurry? Every other student in Hogwarts. It seems like (until the stand off is called), there are students just running. Running everywhere. They never get to where they are going, I assume. Because all you see in the background is people running places, and yeah.

“Ball? Wheres the ball? I’M LOOKING FOR A BALL WHERE IS IT!!!?” – Me imagining all the students as dogs.

So Harry finds it in the obvious place to look. He also saves the Nazi kid. Then there is a scene with fire reminiscent of the famous Mummy 2 scenes. But you know, fire, not dust.

Blah blah blah. SNAPE DIES. And apparently he was trying to help all along. To the snake. Let me tell you about the Snake. The snake is in this movie for one reason. To make 3D worth it. It seems like every scene involving the snake is it “coming at you”, more or less, which looks probably cool in 3D, but without it, just annoying as shit.

To be fair, this has been true in all the movies. A cheap ploy.

Blah blah. Standoff. Harry realizes the snake is the last horocrux. JUST KIDDING. Harry is too. Accidentally. So Harry has to die for Voldemorte to die. So he does that. After some ghost talk. But he does have a resurrection stone on him? So I guess it doesn’t matter. He still has a nice trippy scene with Dumbledore in a very white train station. But hey, he comes back into action after Neville gives a sweet speech and busts out the sword. He does it stupidly though, and does it many feet away from the snake. If he took a few more steps, we could have had a dead snake, and less dumb CGI 3D Lunging action.

During all this, Harry and balddude have their duel. Turns out a wand doens’t belong to balddude, it leaves his grip, and immediately he turns to dust. Like. What? Harry didn’t even hit him with anything, just removed his wand, and bam, dead time. Weird, since he only had that specific wand these last few movies. Must be because all the horocruxes died? I guess?

Anyways, they die, so good conquers evil. Harry presumably lives a normal life, where he has multiple children, and his second child is all nervous about going through a makeshift wall, even though he obviously did it when he went to the train station with his older brother (just how like his younger sister is doing it then) hey long sentence how are you doing.

Also in the epilogue you will see that time was not good to the nazi boy.

Overall, this movie had good special effects. Mostly. The escape from the hidden room on brooms looked like it had pretty shitty effects. Obviously just people hanging out in front of a green screen, feeling (even if it wasn’t). It also had a lot of questionable scenes for a “holy shit we are all going to die”, like Harry not running to his destinations in the castle. Or too many kids running (when they are all supposed to be either in one hiding spot or helping. Not just running). Or dumb CGI snakes. I feel like Part 1 and Part 2 had a lot of filler, which was annoying as they were both over 2 hours.

I think Part 1 and Part 2 could have easily been just one movie, but turning a last book into two movies seems to be a popular money grab.

Oh well. Maybe they will cut out the crap, and just give me one movie in the next reboot.