Month: October 2011

Here is the actual story as to how I picked this movie to watch. I went in last night to Blockbuster knowing I’d only have time to watch one movie in the next two days. So I said huh. In honor of The New Girl, I will just watch the last movie Zooey Deschanel was in that I HADN’T already seen. So it took me way back to this one.

Oh Zooey, you are so Zany.

When I heard about the concept I thought it was horrible. He always says yes for a year? What is this, the unofficial sequel to Liar, Liar? Come on Jim Carrey, you can just keep making movies where you are obsessed with shit. Oh. You learn it isn’t some magic force doing this to him. It is his own choice. Also he isn’t a “Yes man” in a corporation, which I also assumed. SO what, how old is Jim Carrey now? He should definitely not be hooking up with Zoey. I am jealous of that.

The movies beginning was a bit too long. It really drive the point home that Jim is an unpleasant son of a bitch, who needs to not be such a negative nancy. I liked seeing Murray from FotC playing a very similar role. It was also weird seeing Bradley Cooper as a side kick who really cares about his friend Jim. If this was any movie after he became super big, Cooper probably would have kicked Jim’s ass for being such a jerk.

Bitch seats build character.

The movie was overall enjoyable. Had some funny parts. Other parts annoyed me.

Hey look, a low budget Ray Liotta serial killer movie. Here is some fun things about this movie. This is NOT a mystery! Not a whodunnit at all. They are pretty clear in showing you, the viewer, who is killing these people. If the obvious clues don’t knock the sense into you, the actual acts of him doing so should ring it in.

As you may guess The River Murders takes place in a small town with a River. Murders happen near it or around it, and this shit needs to get solved.

Because you know who did it, the movie focuses on the more interesting kind of question there is: Why? Why is this man doing these killers? How is it related to Detective Liotta? Why are there so many titties in this film compared to a National Lampoon movie that doesn’t feature Chevy Chase? (Oh that’s answered. Because the women are dead, having been raped and, pretty often, thrown into a river. So their lack of clothes explains that.)

“Ah-ha! Finally! Another movie with Rape! Let me out of this chair right now!”

I was interested in the outcome, and was glad this was rated R. The deaths weren’t graphically shown, but the aftermath could be, and it allowed the language to be a tad bit more appropriate. There are some cliches also heard in this movie, including the ever so fun “by the book!” phrase in every cop related movie. Will I ever watch this again? Nah, probably not. It felt like a made for tv movie, besides the dead bodies, boobs, and swearing. But it was decent one watch affair. Also, despite Christian Slater being in the movie, he didn’t add much to it.

Why hello there, highly anticipated movie that over the summer all of my friends hyped up as heeeelarious? Well overall I did enjoy it. Not as much of a laugh riot I had hoped or came to expect. But that is what hype does to you.

It was longer than I figured, both just in terms of length of film, and length of story. I figured it would involve just the pre-planning for the wedding, then the wedding, then the after wedding party where everyone gets crunk.

Not to be confused with getting Chunk from The Goonies.

BUT IT IS MORE THAN THAT. This is prengagement to wedding story. This is the whole package from just friends to having Kristen Wiig be your maid of honor. This of course leads to bridesmaids jealousy, where Kristen has to compete with hotty ms. perfect over her the brides affections, played by the weird Maya Rudolph. Through shenanigans and not being perfect, conflict arises between them. Not cat fights, just more like hissy fights. AND CONFLICT. I already said that.

The other Bridesmaids are the shy girl (Ellie Kemper), the MILF (Wendi McLendon-Covey), the rich new best friend who is trying to take over maid of honor duties (Rose Byrne) and the bigger soon to be relative friend who lacks social graces and yet is funny (Melissa McCarthy).

I like that Jon Hamm had a role in this movie, but wasn’t even in the credits. I call sexism on that. How dare they find the bootycall role unimportant. (Cough). Speaking of Booty Call, the other love interest role is played by Chris O’Dowd, who I did find heeeeelarious.

He plays awkward police cop from Cananananada.

My favorite scenes were probably the scenes in which it seemed it went on way too long. Such as engagement party speeches, plane shenanigans, and what not. you know, awkward hilarity.

At first glance, one would look at this movie and think “Hey, that reminds me of 127 Hours. Kinda”. Yep. Kinda. Story mostly involving one dude, trying to escape from an impossible situation, and it sucks. Unfortunately, 127 Hours had a bigger budget, and also based on a true story.

Wrecked starts off with Brody waking up from the crash site, dead people around him, stuck in his seat.

And Bloody.

He of course has some sort of amnesia, and has to both get out of the valley, and figure out who he is. The movie overall was kind of boring though. Although some nice hallucinations occurred to try to keep it more entertaining, and there was a nice dog for him to talk to. There was no story line before Wrecked began, as it was figured out as his memories returned to him slowly. So while Brody was left feeling confused for most of the movie, so were the viewers. Not in a suspense way, more the annoying way.

Wrecked just seemed too long. It is hard for any type of character development to occur when someone doesn’t actually know who they are. The eventual reveal at the end wasn’t exciting either. Felt super let down.

Damn it. WHY DAMN IT. I TRUSTED YOU BRUCE WILLIS.

Well. 95% Trust.

This is a pretty misleading movie, in my opinion. Heist like movie, something goes wrong, and people die. People may be Setup, even. (Okay, so yes a Heist goes wrong early on. They are setup. 50 cent gets mad and kills a bunch of people. Plot).

I am going to blame this all on 50 Cent. Because seriously. Bruce Willis was top billed in this movie, but he was barely in it. Ryan Phillippe, played a major roll. It just also sucked in this movie.

But damn it, Ryan was just in The Lincoln Lawyer. The pedo from Cruel Intentions. And he brought little to the movie. But I was excited because I thought that this may be a great movie with 50 cent in it, unlike the many before. 50 cents character I didn’t find exciting. They tried to bring in some sort of moral or religious dilemma, but I didn’t feel it. And a lot of people died. Just got tired of it though, nothing was that surprising.

This isn’t Ryan Phillipe being a pedophile, just awkward kinky sister stuff.

1 out of 4.

You all already know this movie. Johnny Depp! Lizard named Rango! Nickelodeon movie!

After viewing it, I think this could be Nickelodeon’s third best movie. I haven’t seen Spiderwick Chronicles yet, so maybe it’s 4th. Number 2 is Harriet the Spy, and number 1 of course is Good Burger.

Some friendships transcends the film they are displayed in.

While not the funniest movie, it was definitely interesting. It had quite a few references to other movies, which was nice. Obviously it would have a Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas reference, and it came sooner than I thought. I am surprised that it was a kids movie at all, as a lot of jokes and references would throw over a child’s head (of course making it better for parents / adults who watch kid movies. What?)

I was afraid somehow it would be an ending like Happy Feet. “Fuck! Its all the humans fault!” but it didn’t go down the bullshit environmental route, which is great. I don’t think that is a spoiler. (I feel like that in movies with animals talking and in their own worlds, having humans be the cure or cause at the end is kind of like saying “oh, aliens!”). Also, watching this movie on blu-ray was fantastic. Very visually stunning, and blu-ray made it all pop.

Weee, another RomCom. This one is pretty similar to No Strings Attached, except the two main costars are not as big as the two in NSA right now. That being an acronym for the other movie, not the government organization.

But wouldn’t all movies be better with John Casey?

Both of these R rated RomComs have a lot of raunchy sex humor, but GTD came first. I actually liked GTD more than NSA. I laughed a lot more, and found it a lot more believable.

In Going the Distance, Justin Long is tired of serious stuff. It keeps blowing up in his face. But as a rebound he falls for Drew Barrymore, who is leaving NYC in a month or so. So she says nothing serious. Just some sexytime. Once she goes back to California they decided to try the long distance thing and hey, maybe one of them would move eventually and change jobs. I guess?

So some awkward visits back and forth, arguing about jawbs, an what not. Also more and more sexytime.

Going The Distance of course meant both in terms of a long distance relationship, and having a relationship that can go to that next level. As usual, the supporting actors/actresses really make the movie. They are there for comedy and that is it so they should get some of the better scenes. Charlie from It’s Always Sunny, Jason Sudeikis was pretty strong as “friend with intense mustache.” Also Drew Barrymore gets a friend, Christina Applegate. Pretty much the whole mustache storyline is worth admission alone. The only real bad thing in it is Drew Barrymore’s weird face. You know, when she like does the disgusted/panic look. I don’t like that face.

I am apparently not the only one to notice her mouth. ALSO. I just noticed her name. DREW? What the fuck?

Paper Man is a pretty weird movie. That becomes obvious if you have seen the cover. Let me help you.

Ryan Reynolds as a super hero maybe? (Is he called Paper Man? (Nope, Captain Excellent)) Jeff Daniels, not being in Dumb and Dumber? Lisa Kudrow, not in Friends? And wait, EMMA STONE? SHE IS IN THIS MOVIE? I would have probably bought this on that fact alone (you know, if I thought this was worth buying). All the times I walked by this movie, I could only see Ryan Reynolds, sitting there being bored. Never noticed it was Emma Stone, since she looks a bit different on the cover.

This is a serious story. Not a comedy! Jeff and Lisa are married, yet not doing well. Jeff is having a midlife crisis. Another author who never writes anymore. He actually sees make believe people, aka, Ryan Reynolds. Emma Stone is real, just some underage girl who lives near his cabin, who he gets to babysit his kids. (He has no kids. Pedo, pedo).

This isn’t really a joke, just a fact.

Somewhat comedic, but I didn’t really laugh. Jeff may or may not be trying to get it on with Emma Stone (as those are the only two options?). You see him deal with his crisis, and slowly seem to drift further and further from Lisa Kudrow. Also of course, Ryan fucking Reynolds wearing tights. Probably good for at least one watch, but it missed out on perfection by not having the strongest emotional ties behind it.

You have to ask yourself. In the URL, why is there not double dashes between the 1/2/3 given my title? The world may never know. The Taking Of Pelham 1-2-3 is more or less your typical negotiator + pseudo terrorist hostage situation movie. Of course the negotiator is not trained in negotiating, that way the bad guy wont have mind games played on them. But here is a different twist. This hostage situation takes place underground.

Damn it. Not like that, you hipsters.

By underground, I mean they took a part of a subway in NYC, and have themselves sealed underground where cell phones don’t work in one or two cars (You know, movies have to explain the cell phone stuff now in bad situations). John Travolta plays Crazy McCrazy, wanting 10 million within an hour or people die. People dieing sucks!

But thankfully Denzel Washington is now just working at a station, making sure trains are on time. Like Italy. And because he is the first person to communicate with Travolta, that is the only person he trusts. Basic hostage situation stuff happens, but this time the overall escape with the money scene afterwards seems to take a long time. Normally that is only a short bit of the film, but this thing is planned out and detailed. I found the escape the most boring part of the film. I kind of got lost with it too, as it involved tunnels and other ways of hiding. Since they no longer had hostages, it is kind of just like an action crime movie at the end (if you call Denzel a cop (he isn’t). In case you cannot tell, the ending was pretty meh to me. That makes the overall movie just okay, not great.

There was interesting dialogue too in the movie. When you find out Denzel’s secrets it gets super awkward, and thus interesting. Also, not sure if they answered how a dude got internet underground like that, nor do I think it lead anywhere either.

THORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Thor comes with an all-star cast, thanks to it being such a big picture. So I might as well get it out of the way. The titular character is played by Chris Hemsworth, because the director really liked his 10 minutes in Star Trek at the beginning. Natalie Portman is an Arizona scientist studying space rifts, with Kat Dennings as an assistant. Tom Hiddleston plays Loki, brother of Thor, and Anthony Hopkins plays Odin, father of the two. Lastly, Idris Elba plays the bad ass gatekeeper Heimdall. Get all that? Good.

THORRRRRR. Wait. This looks like the sword in the stone?

I really don’t want to describe the plot of the movie, but I guess I have to. Thor loses all his power and gets sent back to earth. He is weak and a human, and has to learn to be a true hero before he can be accepted as a god again. Okay, part of that may be from the Disney Hercules movie, but who is to really say if you haven’t seen Thor yet? Similarly, if you have, you shouldn’t care. Because Thor is great. Watching it reminded me of the first time I saw Iron Man or Hellboy II. It had humor, action, great story and effects, and just great everything. The SHIELD agent from the films is getting a bigger role in this movie.

One of the hardest proms is relating with Thor. Dude is a god. Generally he has powers. When he does, pretty much no other super hero can take him down, so he becomes this ominous super presence that is hard to use. It will be interesting to see how they use him the Avengers movie without totally just killing everyone and winning all fights on his own. I guess because his brother Loki is involved, it doesn’t mean auto win. But seriously? Thor is like a cheat code. SO here is hoping the future films will not just be awkward TooStrongToCare fests.