Tag: Horror

It took a few years, but I am really stoked that I finally had the opportunity to see 1408. Technically the opportunity was always there, but never the drive.

1408 is part of an unintentional grouping of films. You probably know what I am talking about it. It fits in the category of “Movies that are just four numbers starring John Cusack”. Of course! 2012 is the other half of the pair.

Honestly, the only reason I never watched it was because I wanted to release it when it made sense from the date. But 2008 and was so long ago and there is no 14th month. 🙁

Overall, a terrible reason to wait, when SLJ has been waiting so patiently.

Mike Enslin (Cusack) is famous for debunking paranormal encounters, made famous around the world. You got a haunted house? Prove it. A haunted rocking chair? Doubt it. A haunted room? Let him stay in it.

Most of these people are lying to get more people to visit, and he finds out the truth. A pretty famous author now too, with people recognizing at least one of his books. Some of them about actual scary places too, but more often than not…you know.

Until he clambers his way over to Dolphin Hotel, a new rumor that has reached his ear despite its apparently long and dark history. The hotel refuses to let him rent out room 1408, but some court battle seems to work in his favor. Still, the head of the hotel, Gerald Olin (Samuel L. Jackson), does his best to convince him, including providing a full history of everyone that killed themselves or died in that room over the last hundred years. Still no dice.

Because ghosts aren’t real, right? Right?

Also starring Mary McCormack as his wife. But mostly for haunting purposes.

What in the fuck is wrong with that room?

Room 1408 turns out to be extremely ludicrous. Note, that is more than a normal amount of ludicrous. At first, it is your standard haunted room stuff. Phone/TV on the fritz, hot, seeing images. But eventually it gets beyond reasonable, as you can see in the picture above.

And it also decides to use a lot of deception/trickery to catch the the viewer and poor John Cusack off guard. But, was it scary?

Not to me at least. I didn’t think it was terrifying really, but I more so just felt bad for John, who must have had a killer headache or something. Hah. Killer.

I think if they went a more realistic approach, I would have found it scarier. However, because it was so far past realism, I gained some entertainment out of it as the room in the middle of a large hotel somehow crumbled under neath him. I wish this movie could have been better for me, I really do. But eh, shit happens.

2 out of 4.

Tell me. Honestly. Did you click this review thinking it was the Disney movie Frozen? Coming out, huh, well…today?

Yeah, I bet you did. I did this on purpose. Consider yourself movie trolled.

But seriously. Frozen. Came out a few years ago, had the ridiculous concept. For whatever reason I ended up buying it, so hey, might as well watch it, right?

Or else, its like, a waste of money, right?

Two friends. The skiing and snowboarding trip of their lifetime. Literally. Har har har.

Lynch (Shawn Ashmore) and Dan (Kevin Zegers) are great buds and have been planning this trip for awhile. They go a bunch, so this one isn’t more special. Only it includes Dan’s girlfriend for once, Parker (Emma Bell).

She isn’t good at snowboarding though, a beginner, so they still to lamer hills most of the day. Sad. And it is the last day of their trip! So Lynch convinces Dan to go on one last big run, down a good slope. For some reason Parker wants to go too. Unfortunately, there is storm coming soon and they are closing early. No, no, this can’t be. They convince the guy to let them up for one last run, and they will be very quick about it. Success!

Until a series of horrible events occur, leaving them stranded on a ski lift, far above the slope, in the dark, with a storm coming. Not to mention it being Sunday, with the resort closed the next four days so they won’t be found in the morning. Shit.

What would you do in this situation? Would you wait it out? Would you risk the jump? Would you try to climb the wire? Would you just…not be in that horrible situation?

Would you punch a wolf in the mouth with your wrist?

Oh yeah, fucking wolves. That can’t help either. Those damn Vermont or New Hampshire carnivores.

This may be a ridiculous plot line, and it may have needed a few things to fail to occur, but you know what? It was actually good.

The characters all felt real. They weren’t just very dumb teens. They had their dumb moments, but they weren’t like, super movie dumb to get to their point. They did what they had to do for survival, or at least what made sense to them at the time. The movie didn’t end with some ridiculous twist or anything, it played out the story to its conclusion, and we weren’t secretly on a reality show the whole time or some other stupid twist. No, you get what you see.

But lets go back to feeling real. There were two scenes that made me very involved in this movie. The wolf scene didn’t need to show the gore to be powerful. The noises, the sobbing, and the voices all told the story in such a way that even typing about it almost makes me emotional. Then the later realization about missing loved ones/pets back home? Shit. That was straight to the feels, and almost made me a wreck.

I am surprised they made the movie over 90 minutes when the topic seems like it would be an hour max, but it worked, and we got some real character development (kind of) going on. Surviving sucks yo, especially in certain peril, but it can really bring us closer together.

3 out of 4.

I have found the month of October to be pretty disappointing in regards to major horror releases. All we got for a wide release was the Carrie remake. There aren’t even any Paranormal Activities, because the next one got pushed back to January. Yes, I find them pretty bad now, but come on, just Carrie?

That is where the indie theaters step in. They have one more addition to the month, We Are What We Are, a remake of a Mexican film of the same name from a few years prior. Well, same name, but in Spanish.

The religious elements are exemplified in the foreign version, where every male is named Jesus.

The Parker family is a strange family. They mostly keep to themselves, the dad, Frank (Bill Sage), his two daughters, Rose (Julia Garner) and Iris (Ambyr Childers), and their younger brother who doesn’t know much, Rory (Jack Gore).

Doesn’t know much? Yeah, because he is young and hasn’t learned a lot yet. He knows about Jesus. But he hasn’t learned anything about math, or science, or books, or their family secret.

Oooh, a family secret. You can probably figure out what it is. Look at the creepy fucking photos. I mean, I could tell what their secret was just by reading a small plot description and seeing the cover.

Well, they totally do that. But then a big rain storm happens, and it causes flooding. Flooding that might accidentally tear up enough ground to reveal their secret, that they have kept in the family hidden for over a hundred years. I am sure no one in the town is smart enough to figure it out. Oh, except for the wily Doc Barrow (Michael Parks), who doesn’t know he is about to discover a secret that big, but is just looking for his missing daughter, and enlists the help of a local deputy (Wyatt Russell).

That ain’t bean juice there, fellas.

Outside of their family secret, there is not a lot of surprising things about this movie. It is not your standard horror, that is for sure. There isn’t a killer stalking victims throughout, all of the deaths are quick and not built up for tension.

In fact, the whole movie is kind of set up like a regular drama. It moves incredibly slow, with the family just doing their thing, the doctor just doing his investigation, until a confrontation near the end. Because of the downpour, the dad is off doing other things, and so the two daughters have to take part in their family activity for the first real time on their own. So that is a bit awkward and creepy.

I really enjoyed the ending, I think it made sense from the build up. However, the time it took for the build up to occur is what killed me. It is a rather slow moving movie. Even though the payoff at the end is worth it, I still dislike how I wasn’t really scared or completely freaked out until that point. At that point I wanted to vomit a little bit.

But hey, at least we have an alternative scary movie this month in theaters…kind of!

2 out of 4.

The Midnight Meat Train.

What a title!

I picked this movie up expecting it to be some sketch bloody B-Horror film, that never gained any ground. Much to my surprise, I find there are actually some famous actors in this one. Whoa.

So what happened to this film? This seems like something that would have made theaters, or at least been noticed by someone. Oh well.

Never mind. Brad was in a lot of questionable movies before The Hangover.

Leon (Bradley Cooper) is a vegan. Ew!

He is also a photographer, just an okay one. He wants to take pictures of criminal activity, he just is kind of a coward and runs away before anything goes down. But he is determined. Well, he runs into a model who is getting mugged, and his mere presence saves her! Yay! Too bad the next morning she goes missing anyways. Interesting. He goes to the police (Barbara Eve Harris) but nothing comes out of it.

But yeah, she totally got butchered while on the train. The midnight meat train. Some dude just rides it late a night, and the train goes into a mysterious path, and this guy (Vinnie Jones), totally takes em out with one of those meat tenderizers. Aw yeah. Secret shit.

Well, through investigative journalism, he actually finds this butcher guy and follows him, pretty sure he has something to do with these disappearances. He also thinks he is over 100 years old.

Err… Okay, now you are crazy. Needless to say, his woman (Leslie Bibb) and her friend (Peter Jacobson) don’t believe him. But maybe, just maybe, Leon isn’t thinking crazy enough.

Oh I get it. It is even more awkward cause of his veganism.

Well shit, this was more than just a B movie. Not only that, but when I tweeted about watching it, I got positive response from others. What in the hell is going on?

For one, the death scenes by this butcher on the train, even if you see them coming, are pretty brutal. Having skinned humans dangling on a train is pretty brutal as well. Turns out this is based on a short story by Clive Barker from the 1980s, so it actually has its foot in the horror door. On its own, I wouldn’t consider any part of this movie “Scary,” just gory at times and a little unsettling but never scary.

Besides that, this movie is also a decent mystery. What the fuck is going on in that train? Is that guy 100 years old? Why the fuck doesn’t anyone care about large amounts of missing people?

I like the answers they gave, and the movie ended really well. Bad things happen, like they should in a horror, and the plot made sense? Holy crap, why has no one told me about this movie?

3 out of 4.

This may not be a popular opinion, but I am willing to say it: The original Carrie is not that scary of a movie. Or at least it isn’t scary anymore.

When it first came out it was probably shocking, sure. Part of the reason it would have been terrifying is not knowing the bloodbath that would occur at the end of the film. There was no internet, spoilers didn’t run rampant, people could watch it and actually see something new.

You’d be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t know how the original Carrie ends. They might not know the finite details or how it occurs, but they know blood gets dumped on a poor girl, who then takes out a school who bullied her.

So why bother with a Carrie remake in 2013? The only real reason is to either change the story so that audiences won’t see the ending coming or ramp up the creepy details to a new notch in order to make it more of a horror film. You know, give us a different reason to remember her name.

“How do we make Julie look crazy?” “I don’t know…frazzle her hair a little bit!”

Carrie (Chloe Grace Moretz) came from humble beginnings. She used to be home-schooled, but the state of Maine intervened and forced her to go to public school. Not sure why. Her mom (Julianne Moore) was a perfectly adept teacher. She taught Carrie about Jesus, God, and she even gave her a nice tiny prayer closet under the stairs to “study” in.

Despite the fact that she is a senior in high school, she gets her period for the first time in gym class. Must be Satan at work in her loins. The other girls find her fear amusing, make fun of her, and promptly get in trouble by the gym teacher (Judy Greer). They have two options, put up with a week of grueling physical activity, or get suspended and miss prom. Clearly neither option is ideal, and it must be Carrie’s fault putting these girls in that situation.

Which is why the mean girl (Portia Doubleday) and her boyfriend (Alex Russell) do the whole dump pigs blood on her head at prom thing. That’ll show her.

That’ll show everyone.

Gabriella Wilde plays the nice “mean girl,” and Ansel Elgort her boyfriend.

Huh, she looks cute in red. Really, the reason anyone came to see this movie was to watch the prom scene and see the path of destruction that Carrie would lay in her wake. The rest of the film could be boring, but as long as the prom scene is excellent, the director will have delivered. The prom scene is longer in this version, there are more creative deaths with less hoses, and there is more destruction outside of the school, but miraculously a lower overall body count. Huh.

Basically, this film is identical to the 70’s version in terms of…well most things. Even the dialogue is basically the same, minus the upgrades in time/technology.

The few things that are changed are who lives and dies at the end, one other “twist”, and making the mother a bit of a masochist. Okay, a huge masochist, she loves that self infliction stuff. Basically their attempt at making the film a bit more creepy throughout.

Overall, I would say that this film was a bit disappointing in that it was made so similar to the first film (and maybe the book, no idea on their closeness). It really doesn’t add anything new to the mythology, and was made to upgrade a film literally everyone already knows the plot about. I hated most of the no name actors, but surprisingly I enjoyed Ansel Elgort as the nice boyfriend. He was so good at being kind to a weird red headed girl.

If you are looking for scary movies in theater for Halloween, unfortunately Carrie is your only hope. Somehow, this is the only horror movie the entire month.

2 out of 4.

Fright Night 2: New Blood.

Why? Why not, I guess. I mean, I liked the Fright Night remake. I also liked the original Fright Night. It is crazy how that can happen.

The original had a sequel to, called part 2. Did you know that? Of course not, I think no one knew that. I don’t think this is a remake of the sequel though, because the sequel at least had the same characters. This one is completely new out of left field.

But a similar sized and shaped field overall. Just the left side of one.

Honestly, I might mess up some of this plot. Charley Brewster (Will Payne) and his best friend, ‘Evil’ Ed Bates (Chris Waller) are in some strange college program in not-America. They start with a night class, and oh snap, their history teacher is Hottie McHotterson, Gerri Dandridge (Jaime Murray). Charley claims he saw her doing some lesbian stuff across the street before class, but no one believes him.

Well, the pervert continues to look out of his window, and eventually he sees some weird shit, so he goes over to investigate. Oh no. She is a vampire and some fucked up ritual shit is happening.

Even his somewhat new girlfriend, Amy Peterson (Sacha Parkinson) doesn’t believe him. I mean, why would they?

It isn’t until he can finally convince Evil that they decide to get Peter Vincent (Sean Power), famed vampire and unusual being hunter to investigate the teacher. He hosts the show Fright Night, so maybe he can get to the bottom of this. Unless he is a fraud. And unless the teacher doesn’t kill them first.

Please turn to page 7 for a detailed analysis of why this scene pissed me off.

I am having a hard time figuring out what is up with this movie. It has elements that are very similar to Fright Night, yet it is very different plot wise than fright night. Like the vampire is a chick, different. There is a famous vampire hunter guy who isn’t as cool as he seems, same. There is a best friend obsessed with the guy, who later becomes a vampire, same. But everything else is different. So I feel like it was supposed to be a reboot. But they labeled it as a sequel to a remake? My head hurts. Oh, let’s not forget that the main character, his friend, and the vampire hunter share the same name? What in the fuck is going on?

(The plot was worse than Fright Night and the movie was no way near as humerous or cheesy. Lame).

So basically, a generic vampire movie that is just cashing on the…okay success of the last movie.

But what really really bugged me maybe more than it should have was the long ending in a big fountain of blood. It was in a cathedral like area. Either way, cool big fountain of blood, that is feet deep that involves lots of fighting and thrashing about in it? The blood doesn’t look real, it looks like cranberry juice, or red colored water. The blood doesn’t stain any clothing or skin either. It just comes off in small red clear drops…like water. It took me out of the element completely, and I felt like there was nothing that could be done to make up for it. And honestly, I was right.

Just fuck it. Strangely enough, this is the second movie in a week I have reviewed that had nakedness in it, but not from the main female character. That isn’t the weird part. The main female character in both have been naked before in Dexter. THAT is the strange coincidence. The other one was Humans Versus Zombies. (Sorry for perving, it was just really weird).

1 out of 4.

Yeah. We got a movie called Humans Versus Zombies.

Yeah, it was inspired by the live action game played on college campuses around the (world?) US.

Yeah, it was low budget and went straight to DVD. Well then, shall we?

But they know their audience. Bring on the nerd jokes!

This movie takes place, surprisingly, around a nondescript university. Something else nondescript happens in the world, and some homeless people might end up biting some people. But that doesn’t matter. Because it is Humans vs Zombies week at this university.

Cool, they can use nerf guns too! Our movie opens up with some rule disputes, but they are pretty pathetic.

Well, actual zombies start to appear, much to our main characters surprise. Who to we have? Random hot party girl Amanda (Melissa Carnell) who normally wouldn’t hang out with these guys. Virgin nerd who predicted zombies first and plays MMOs Danny (Jonah Priour), and he likes Amanda. Internet gamer girl who has a webcam show about games, causing nerds to send her free shit, Tommi (Dora Madison Burge). A jock-ish guy who actually likes her and her show, James (Jesse Ferraro). Dude who really fucking loves killing zombies and this whole thing, Brad (Chip Joslin). And of course, war vet turned campus security guard who is really good at killing zombies, Frank (Frederic Doss).

Yeah, fuck you, you just get humans, no zombies.

Ho hum. Well, like most low budget comedies with some horror elements, this one failed to entertain for long. To be fair, it had its moments, namely from the “nerdy virgin” character. One area, near the end, he developed a huge strategy for getting his group out of the hardware store to a more safe location using knowledge he learned from MMORPGs. They had a tank, DPS, healer, range, and wild card. Alright, the Wild Card might be more of a It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia reference. But still.

But one interesting scene does not fix the bunch. Most of it is so low budget feeling, the zombies are never scary, just ridiculous.

Having the college game component was such a non important addition to the film, this could have been any generic bad zombie movie. It maybe mattered for only five or so minutes, and used it as an easy way to introduce extra characters. That is it.

The ending almost left it open ending, so I also maybe got a laugh of it’s last minute decision to bring closure.

Basically, this movie has more in common with a shitty B movie straight horror movie trying to make money with sex and gore. They have some sex parts in it, and some gore, but not much of either. Definitely not with Dora Madison Burge. To see that, you’d have to watch season eight of Dexter. But then you’d have to watch season eight of Dexter. Not worth it, yo.

1 out of 4.

Well, Dexter had its series finale a week ago today and it was pretty much shit. Seriously. One of the worst series finales ever.

In honor of that, I decided to watch Quarantine for the day!

What…? Well, look at the main star, that is why. Quarantine itself is a remake of [REC], a Spanish horror movie, that has made at least four films on its own. Quarantine was only given a sequel, and that one has nothing to do with the rest of the [REC] films. So it must be lamer.

Quarantine is also famous for being a horror film that decided to spoil the ending in basically every format possible. The trailer, the tv spots, the poster, the dvd film cover. Every single way. Later The Apparition decided to try this method too, but no one watched The Apparition.

Oh, and I have decided to spoil that ending here as well. Because fuck it.

Angela Vidal (Jennifer Carpenter) is a news reporter, trying to make it big in the world, but stuck so far with side stories. Lame. Like tonight, she is doing a piece on firefighters. I guess it is a fluff piece, because she is just sent to interview the workers, and hopefully follow them on a fire or two, that would be awesome footage. Along with her cameraman (Steve Harris), they eventually get a call out to an apartment complex where there were reports from the manager that a woman has barricaded herself in her room, and she was making a lot of noise. Alright, boring issue, but sure, let’s film it.

OH SHIT WOMAN HAS GONE CRAZY AND BIT ONE OF THE COPS. Bitch has foam in her mouth! They race downstairs, the two fire fighters (Jay Hernandez, Johnathon Schaech), and the other cops to rush him to a hospital, but the apartment complex is boarded up. The fuck? They can’t get out. That doesn’t make any sense.

Apparently the apartment complex is under quarantine now, and they have no idea why. No worries, they will be out shortly, just one crazy man. A local vet who lives in the hospital, (Greg Germann), does his best to stop the bleeding.

This is still all sorts of fucked. Especially when the lady is still going crazy enough that they have to put her down. Apparently, according to the vet, her symptoms appear to be rabies which have no cure once they take over. But the affects of rabies normally take months to occur, this must me some sort of super rabies. Well shit, how did they know to quarantine off the building so quick? Who the fuck started it? How unlucky is it to be Angela?

Super Rabies. Worse than Hitler.

Oh no, a shaky came found footage movie! The end of the world! People tend to ask during these types of movies: Why the fuck are you still recording? Well, there are a few reasons here. 1) Journalistic integrity. This shit is the scoop of a lifetime. 2)That camera has night vision on it, could be helpful. 3)That camera is also the only light source once they knock out the power. So, shit is important.

So how did it do outside of ruining the ending? Well, eh, it was okay. Dramatically different ending from the [Rec] version, I have been told. That one involves religion. This one involves cults and super viruses. I guess religion trumps, since that series has more movies. Oh well, its in Spanish, don’t care.

It was kind of neat watching all the characters at the beginning of the film start out as alive, and then you know, become dead later, so you get to see tore up versions of people who we already met. In a zombie movie, most of the zombies you don’t know. In this film, each person “dies” to the virus, and then has to be killed again with the rabies. I think that made it feel a bit better.

Near the end it got pretty confusing, but I will say I was impressed with Jennifer’s scared shitless acting. Her character did feel different from Deb, and she didn’t just bust out swears every sixth word. It is an okay thriller. Things jumping out of the dark, basically every time you’d expect it. Hooray zombie rabies!

2 out of 4.

Uh oh. This is the second movie I have reviewed with the name Aftershock. The first one, Aftershock, was an amazing Chinese drama film from 2010, over two hours long, on netflix, fantasticles. I could not say enough good things about it.

This one? Well, it was made 2 years later, and is a disaster/horror film, written by Eli Roth. You know, the Bear Jew on Inglourious Basterds. I mean, technically this one is foreign too, kind of. So maybe it will be just as good?

Maybe, just maybe, this one will make me cry?

Hooray, parties!

Apparently Chileans really love to party. That is why Gringo (Eli Roth) is hanging out with his two “Friends”. I actually don’t know why he knows them, but he came down from California to visit and live it up. Maybe even get laid. Ariel (Ariel Levy) and Pollo (Nicolas Martinez) are is guides around town. The only thing I really know about them is that Pollo is disgustingly rich, and has a famous dad, who is also rich yo. So they get all of the hookups.

Later, they are at a literal underground nightclub. Seriously underground, with all of the cool kids. There they meet up with some chicks they talked to earlier, some of which are siblings, models, and friends. Monica (Andrea Osvart), Irina (Natasha Yarovenko) and Kylie (Lorenza Izzo).

They try to split them up for hooking up, but drama blah, OH FUCK BIG ASS EARTHQUAKE. Shit starts falling everywhere, people dying under the rock, and lots of people getting trampled. Ariel is such a good guy, he helps a girl escape from the bar, but loses his hand in the process. His mother fucking hand!

It turns out, getting out of the club into the open isn’t actually too hard. Surviving on top, however. Shit. Looting, turned over buildings, transportation all but gone, no phone service, and the aftershocks which knock down even more shit. Is that a tsunami warning? You bet your ass it is! What is that? The prison in the area had its walls knocked down, so prisoners are running around town, killing and raping things? Shit. That is bad.

Good luck random group of unlikable people! Watch your holes.

Beard guys is the rich guy. He literally has everything going for him.

What can you say really about a disaster horror movie? Well, the only thing you can really hope for, is that it is entertaining enough, and people die in creative ways.

And boy do they!

So many people die, a variety of ways. Crashing infrastructure, fire, bullets, axe to the back, falling from long distances, and of course drowning and pounding.

I felt dirty writing that sentence.

Needless to say, the acting is kind of shit, and it takes maybe too long for the earthquake to occur, but once it does, it is kind of entertaining. Also pretty gross and graphic I am surprised how far they went. They made tons of allusions at the beginning of the film, and by golly, did they deliver them later.

So it gave me what I can hoped for. I wish the jokes they attempted worked out better. Maybe less subtitles too, but I am just lazy. It was decent for what it was going for, and entertaining just a tad bit. But I do work on earthquakes for my job, so maybe I just find the subject appealing.

2 out of 4.

Fuck.

Sorry, didn’t mean to alarm you. But I should note that now that I don’t write reviews for every theatrical movie release, I can now post some of them quicker and with less edits. Yay multiple reviews for the newspaper! So I threw in a fuck, because I don’t have to self censor myself for this review. I just type endlessly about random shit, because it really doesn’t matter when it just on this website. Quality be damned!

See, I haven’t even said the movie title yet, 85 words in. I am such a shithead.

There is no need to be upset.

Insidious: Chapter 2 takes place immediately after Insidious. So, spoilers, yo.

Well, Elise (Lin Shaye) is dead and strangled, but by who? A ghost? Preposterous! I bet it was Josh (Patrick Wilson) back from Astral Projection, so do the cops, minus the astral part. His wife, Renai (Rose Byrne) isn’t sure what to think, but she is happy to have her child (Ty Simpkins) back.

Either way, they decide to go live with Lorraine (Barbara Hershey), Josh’s mom, after the incident. Different house, same shit.

It is almost as if the evil demon spirits are attaching themselves to a person and not the house like we learned in the first film. Hmmm.

Because Elise had to go and die on us, we are introduced to Carl (Steve Coulter), Elise’s assistant from way back when Josh was a kid. Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson still exist too, as the younger, yet also technically formerly assistants of Elise.

Insidious: Chapter 2 delves deeper into astral projecting. But also, shaky cams, possessions, abandoned creepy hospitals, and more back story than you knew was necessary. PLOT PLOT PLOT. Imagine those plot words came at you with a loud shrieking noise, like the title INSIDIOUS did in the first movie twice…and in this movie…twice as well.

A lot of similarities between part 1 and 2, is all I am sayin’.

James Wan likes to make some weird movies, that is for sure. If you saw Insidious you may have found it scary, but you definitely would have also called it unique. It was doing stuff that had not been touched before, just to ensure it stood out.

Well, Chapter 2 continues with the weird, but potentially fails to deliver any real fears or tears. Seriously. I was in a packed theater opening night, and I don’t really remember the audience reacting in any way outside of laughter. Not the “I’m too cool to be scared, so I will laugh” laugh. But Chapter 2 has lots of jokes in it, and some slapstick humor, thanks to the bumbling assistants.

But no scares, which seems fundamentally flawed as a horror film.

The story itself was interesting though. Stylistically, it felt like Wan didn’t know what kind of horror film he wanted, and kept changing a few things. Like, suddenly, a wild abandoned hospital appeared. Who the fuck has one of those in their cities, just taking up space? Astral Projection of course eventually returns, and almost reminds me of the time in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey when they went to Hell and ran through their past fears. A lot of it was kind of clever, just unexpected for this movie.

Major props to Lindsay Seim who had to play “Young Elise” in this movie. Shit, she looked and seemed like Elise, my mind was freaking out about the excellent make up. Well done no name.

Overall, I’d say it is less scary than the first Insidious, and thus technically an inferior film. Other parts were better overall as the the universe was expanded. The ending was stupid though. Fuck that ending.

2 out of 4.