Tag: Fantasy

I didn’t know a whole lot about Okja going in, but I did see a few posters and just knew, just knew, I had to see it. Like, as soon as possible.

I also definitely thought it was a horror film, a foreign South Korean horror film. About a beast? I don’t know, the name and poster sort of scared me.

But then the advertisements got a bit more flashy, and I realized this was going to be a film bigger than itself. I also heard that it was directed by Joon-ho Bong, an established director who I have only seen one film of before, Snowpiercer. Yeah, I bet you saw Snowpiercer as well. One of the better indie “Have to see this movie!” campaigns over the last few years.

And this time, his film is right away on Netflix, allowing that same sort of campaign to happen, but for even more people.

But come on, we all came for the gratuitous sexual overtones.

Lucy Mirando (Tilda Swinton), new CEO of Mirando Corporation, has taken over from her father, a controversial man. It is a meat factory, and she is introducing a new superpig that they have bred/discovered/something like that. And over 20 of these pigs are being sent around the world to various farms, to see who could raise the biggest and best super pig in 10 years time, with the winner being crowned in a giant event.

And now, ten years later, we get to meet Okja, a superpig, living in the mountains of South Korea. Okja is being raised my Mija (Seo-Hyun Ahn) and her grandfather (Hee-Bong Byun) alone and really don’t want to let Okja go. But they come, they love Okja, and take him away. They even brought Johnny Wilcox (Jake Gyllenhaal), famed TV animal show guy, but that doesn’t soften the blow.

So despite their best attempts, Okja is still taken, so Mija decides to chase after them. Fuck the corporate people taking her friend over the last decade. It turns out she isn’t the only one after Okja either. So is the Animal Liberation Front, an animal rights group, who apparently tries to practice non violent behavior. They want to free Okja and bring down Mirando Corp.

Oh joy, caught between animal rights groups and a meat company, Mija just wants to be alone and happy with her family and friend.

Also starring Giancarlo Esposito, Paula Dano, Steven Yeun, Shirley Henderson, Daniel Henshall, Lily Collins, and Devon Bostick.

I’m glad they told me this was a pig, because if not, I would have assumed…well, lets go with hippo dog.

Okja, for a lack of better words, is an experience. The very first scene is so bright, vivid, and Tilda Swinton, that you are immediately wondering just what sort of film you have gotten yourself into. But it will drive your curiosity and you will find yourself needing to sit through to see where the fuck it is going.

And then after the opening, we get quaint wilderness, giant pigs, and subtitles, so immediately a lot of people may be turned off. A whole lot of this film is subtitles, along with English language, because it is set in the real world and it wants to be authentic. Also because the director is of course Joon-ho Bong and he probably wants to represent his country in the movies he is making.

The characters in Okja, besides Mija and her family, are downright zany. They go to the extreme and bring characters outside of their normal roles. Gyllenhaal is super weird and has a higher pitched voice, it is a bit bizarre to imagine him the star of a successful animal reality show. Like a gone stupid version of Steve Irwin maybe. And Dano? He normally plays the eccentric strange character, but compared to other members, his Animal Liberation Front frontman seemed a bit…ordinary. A guy who would go to great lengths to get what he wants, sure, but relatively normal.

The CGI for the beast was pretty good, but it was still pretty awkward at times. Watching random characters badly interact with Okja as it is stomping and running around leaves a lot of room for error. But it never took me out of the experience.

Okja is a dark film at times, a light film at other times, and balls to the wall in a few other parts. It is probably one of the best Netflix Original films ever made, it just doesn’t feel like one of the best films I have ever seen. But a very strong film regardless and one that a lot of different ages and groups would enjoy.

When the first trailer for Monster Trucks hit the scene, the internet latched onto it and immediately made it feel bad for existing.

I was a bit excited. Yeah, it could have been a shitty kids movie. It could have been made as a concept just to sell toys. The fact that it came out in January could mean something.

But I was just impressed that they came up with an original concept. Good or bad, clearly this is them trying SOMETHING different. Something that could be cool. Something that could spawn them a television series and make them money.

Who knows, maybe this movie will be so good on a minor level that it will try to run for president one day. What do I know?

Oh no a selfie? Clearly this is a work of millennials and must be made downtrodden!

Tripp (Lucas Till) is your average high school kid. In that he is bad at school and works in a junkyard shop. Not entirely sure if that is average or not, but it has a high percentage of appearances in movies. His dad (Frank Whaley) is an oil field worker, this is North Dakota by the way, and his mom (Amy Ryan) is dating the town’s sheriff (Barry Pepper) who is always on his ass.

Well, while junking in his yard, a mysterious amphibian looking animal scares him! Ahh! Miles away, at a fracking site (and thus, evil), while drilling under a lake, and these creatures came out of the drill site and messed things up. This company, led by Reece Tenneson (Rob Lowe), is able to capture two of them, but one of them escapes, as we know. And there is also a geologist (Thomas Lennon).

Anyways, basically this alien or prehistoric lifeform that likes oil becomes friends with Tripp. And he merges into Tripp’s big truck that he is building that doesn’t have an engine. And through prehistoric lifeform magic, he lives happily around the truck and it is used to help them run from the bad guys. You know, typical stuff.

Also featuring Jane Levy, Danny Glover, and Holt McCallany.

How could they do that just go and have an alien orgy in a PG movie like this?

Monster Trucks, honestly, could have been a really fun film. But they took the creatures and did what? Well, hid them in a truck mostly. They made a truck behave cooler than normal and that on its own isn’t fun.

If that truck shot out laser beams or had rocket boosters? Maybe. But this thing could like, jump higher. Higher than normal trucks, because trucks on their own don’t jump without ramps.

And yeah, this film is just a complete drag. The conflict is all of the same, shady people trying to get their monster back, kid doesn’t want them to get the monster back. I am not saying he is in the wrong, it is just. Yeah, boring.

Monster Truck should have done something to really give more to the monsters in the movie. Slightly abnormal trucks are not worthy of their own movie.

Oh goodness, Wonder Woman. At this point, the DCEU has been just shit.

Man of Steel was disappointing, BvS was extremely disappointing, and Suicide Squad was in all ways a bad movie. But my favorite part of BvS WAS Wonder Woman, despite her small appearance. Or maybe her small appearance is what made it better.

Regardless, this is another film that is going to be hard to review. Regardless of quality, it has been hailed online by everyone for being the first modern female centric super hero movie, with a woman director! So they need it to be good and hyped up, because it if fails “Hollywood” will use it as evidence against women super hero movies and we will be stuck with just the status quo.

At the same time, I can still feel be extremely worried, because this film being actually great would mean the fourth time is the charm. That isn’t a saying though for a reason. So I am just skeptical of anything I heard online, just based on the need for it to be good, while other people will be tearing it down just for being anti-DC.

And that is why this review is so late after the film came out. Because it allows time for reflection, away from the biased information on either side.

Never mind, costume is great, movie A+!

Ares is a dick, that is the real moral of the story. He decided to introduce war to humans, Zeus’ creations! And then they fight, rah rah rah. So then the Amazons are created, to help bring peace to the world. All the gods fuck each other up, basically dying, except for Ares who is weakened into hiding. Zeus gives the Amazons a hidden island from the outside world, and a weapon to defeat a god, on the day that Ares returns to bring destruction to the world.

And then there is Diana (Gal Gadot, but little Diana is Lilly Aspell), the only Amazonian child, made from clay from her mother, Hippolyta (Connie Nielsen). She has a huge drive and wants to be a warrior to help protect the world, and eventually she reluctantly lets her train under Diana’s aunt, Antiope (Robin Wright).

And yeah, Diana grows up and kicks ass! Ready to fuck up Ares as soon as the world goes to war. Oh hey, a plane has crashed in their sea area, what the fuck is a plane? Diana saves the person in it, a MAN, Steve Trevor (Chris Pine). But behind him are a lot of boats and guns. Holy shit, a war, on their shore? No more!

Needless to say, some people die, some information is gained, and Diana finds herself going into the world, near the end of World War I, to look for Ares and put an end to this madness.

Are main bad guys are of course German, Ludendorff (Danny Huston) and Dr. Poison (Elena Anaya). We also have Steve’s secretary (Lucy Davis), a helpful British politician who wants peace (David Thewlis), and a ragtag group of people to help (Ewen Bremner, Eugene Brave Rock, Saïd Taghmaoui).

It looks like all the spirals are part of the sword, that would be a sweet cross guard.

The best news out of this whole movie business is that yes, Wonder Woman is the best film in the DCEU. It didn’t have any real competition, and The Dark Knight trilogy isn’t part of the DCEU so shut up about that.

But it still didn’t make it into 4 out of 4 territory for me. And I know, again, a lot of people would put it super high thanks to feelings it made them feel and what it stands for. But the good news is that a movie can be good for various causes, have a message, be the first to do a few things, while still having issues we should be able to address and talk about.

There is a lot of good! Gadot wrecked it. The Amazonian world was awesome. Their warrior spirit was strong. Several stand out scenes including the island beach scene (for badass action), the boat scene (For humor), the village fight scene (for more badass action), generally every time Gadot interacted with the human world in weird ways. It had a lot of rah rah action going that was easy to cheer along with, because hey, the Germans are the bad guys again and we know what to do there.

However, it had points that felt rehashed from other films. And it sucks to hear it, but it has more than a few similiarties with Captain America: The First Avenger. World War I instead of II, a super heroed person helps end the war with a rag tag group of soldiers each with their own very specific strengths. They are fighting an organization on the German side who want to continue fighting at all costs and are developing super weapons before they get stopped.

I hated the Wonder Woman extra group of soldiers. They didn’t add anything to the movie, except add more dudes to take away from the strong woman. They annoyed me, they sucked. I also really disliked the final fight scene with Ares. At some point it just turned into this giant fire and lightning explosion fest that reminded me a lot of…the end of Batman Vs Superman. Oh just gotta get that super CGI destruction in there, regardless of setting. Boom, pow, blah!

I will end this note talking about Chris Pine, because I am a guy and it is expected of me. I thought he was getting cast as the “pretty romance character for the hero” character, like so many women in super hero movies, but then they had to go and make him really great and have a good character arc. So they made him more than just a romance character, what jerks.

Wonder Woman is a great movie and will hopefully lead to SOME big change with the DCEU to stop also forcing so much crap down our throats. A lot can be learned, but remember, a lot can always be improved as well.

No one knows how to Guy Ritchie like Guy Ritchie. He likes to go to the extremes, have some fast talkers, and go super British. But he has apparently mostly left his original line of work and decided to focus on remakes and cultural icons.

Sherlock Holmes, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., and now his take on King Arthur.

Sure, I am excited, the knights of the round table are interesting, tons of lore, and tons of cool sorcery could be afoot. But I really just want some more of his original stories, more than anything. Hopefully this doesn’t use up more of his time with another franchise.

Honestly, this looks like he just swung his sword at a rock instead.

Uther Pendragon (Eric Bana) is more than a man with a badass name, he is the ruler of Camelot! And he is being attacked and raided by warlocks and mages. Uther is able to take out the threat, but his brother, Vortigern (Jude Law) betrays him and his family, summoning a demon to take the throne. But Pendragon’s baby son escapes, classic Moses manuver.

This son is found by prostitutes in another land and named Arthur (Charlie Hunnam). This is where he was born and raised, not knowing of his noble heritage. That’s right, he is from the STREETS. Now we have Guy Ritchie movie, loving those streets, even if they are over a thousand years ago.

Oh and uhh, then a lot of stuff happened with a sword, magic, wars, tons of fighting, and big group of friends.

Also starring Astrid Bergès-Frisbey, Djimon Hounsou, Craig McGinlay, Kingsley Ben-Adir, Neil Maskell, Tom Wu, Annabelle Wallis, Freddie Fox, and Aidan Gillen.

Arthur walking around, fists out, with that “fight me” look on his face. Classic Guy Ritchie.

Another fun confession time: My movie synopsis was quite short, yeah? It is like I have no fucking clue what happened during the movie, which is true. I don’t. First of all, the theater I was in had two issues: One, the bulb was almost dead, and two, something with the polarizer was wrong too, so the 3D screening I went to was incredibly dark. SUPER DARK. I watched a trailer after the film surprised at the darkness, wondering where the hell the white sky had gone in my viewing.

The darkness, and the overuse of CGI, seemingly terrible 3D, and ugly color scheme, put me straight to sleep. I didn’t sleep throughout the whole film, I woke up quite a lot. But every time I woke up, it still seemed uninteresting and I could not keep my eyes open. And that is terrible. I do know that a huge reason I passed out was thanks to the bad cameras, but I wonder how much of the story actually put me to sleep as well.

And I am never going probably go out of my way to see this movie again. Seeing it in theaters, I sat through trailers spent hours of my life on it. As a reviewer I have to watch a lot, so giving something a second or third viewing is usually restored to things that I actually like. Sure, when it is out on DVD, there is a chance. Maybe someone else will make me watch it with them.

But the experience did not work for me, and normally “slept through the whole thing” would be a 0, but I have to give it some benefit of doubt.

Alvin’s Harmonious World of Opposites has a lot of things going for it right off the bat.

One: It has an amazing title. We immediately know who the main character is, and we know that there will be some fucked up shit in this movie.

Two: It is the first film I saw for WorldFest here in Houston, in an actual theater. I saw 16 of them before the festival started, but they were in chairs in my homes and at work and on my phone, not in theaters.

Three: The promo image for the movie (seen below) has a large assortment of pandas. So many goddamn pandas. Stuffed, cute, pandas. I actually have 5 stuffed panda toys in my house right now! I am not as obsessed as this main character, but I can certainly, and will happily, relate.

Squeeeeeeeeeee!

Alvin (Teik Kim Pok) is a bit agoraphobic, and he hasn’t left his small apartment in about 18 months. He talks with his friend (Nitin Vengurlekar) on Skype, his job is translating manuals into Japanese with a boss (Ailís Logan) who thinks he is at an office, and he orders everything online. His groceries, a shit ton of knickknacks, and of course panda themed items. He is a bit obsessed, but he doesn’t notice that of course.

Most of his face to face interaction is with his neighbor, Virginia (Vashti Hughes), a vile mouthed racist who blames everything on everyone else and cares not about her volume. Oh, and there is an attractive girl who lives below him, whom he has never talked to, but he has a peep hole in his floor into her bedroom. Erm.

Problem’s begin to really arise when Alvin finds some black substance leaking from the attic into his room. He has some neat freak tendencies, and it is entirely too gross, so he goes to check on it. And what he finds up in his attic he would have never guessed in a million, panda billion, years.

Also featuring Tina Andrews and Dessy Fitri.

If he doesn’t watch it, his foul mouthed neighbor might accidentally eat him.

Alvin’s blahblah is a short film, only about 70 minutes with a handful of characters. Mostly just Alvin and his neighbor, along with the weird lady who lives in her attic. In case you are not ready for the film, the first scenes quickly give us the neighbor on a “cunt” fueled rant to wake up the viewer.

Personally, my favorite scenes were just Alvin hanging out in his Apartment, working, living his life. As advertised, the attic magical “adventure” that he went on was sure, yeah, quite weird. It had gibberish language and a lot of silence. It was bizarre and a complete tonal shift from the rest of the film.

With some thought, you can sort of figure out the purpose of his trip and what it means for his character, it is certainly not given to you on a platter. At the same time, I have no reason to suspect my own interpretation of events are correct at all, and I can easily be reading it wrong.

If this movie was entirely about a man who had slowly turned into a hoarder who never left his small room, I probably would have enjoyed it more. The attic makes the entire thing unique and stand out, but it is just so extreme. It was still quite well done given the subject matter and time.

At long last, America is getting graced with the movie everyone was talking about in Japan last year. No, not the fucking turtle movie. But Your Name, an anime that broke a lot of records last year, and it isn’t even produced by Studio Ghibli!

A lot of hype for this film, a lot of positive talk, and The Academy ignored it. Heck, I wouldn’t have been able to see it before the Oscars, but as long as it took the place of My Life As A Zucchini, then I would have at least understood why and been in the same place I am now.

And full warning for all of you purists, I watched this movie dubbed, despite the subtitle option later in the day. So my tags are going to be for the American actors who I heard talking, and not the original voices. Sorry, but not sorry.

There is just something magical about not having to read in the theater.

When Mitsuha (Stephanie Sheh) wakes up one morning, she seems lost and confused. A lot of talks about dreams. But her sister (Catie Harvey) and grandmother (Glynis Ellis) say she was a bit weird the day before. And so do her friends, Katsuhiko (Kyle Hebert) and Sayaka (Cassandra Morris). Mitsuha doesn’t remember a thing, but what she did sounds nothing like her! However, she does find a note in her book, with the question “Who Are You?”.

And then, the next day, she wakes up in the body of a boy named Taki (Michael Sinterniklaas). He has a penis and it is weird and she can’t even. But she tries to make it through the day, insisting the whole time it is a dream. She meets his friends (Ben Pronsky, Ray Chase), and manages to screw up the work shift, but she does help out an older employee, Miss Okudera (Laura Post), whom Taki has a crush on.

Great! Body switching. It seems to happen almost every other day, where they both switch bodies and have to live their lives. Which means a lot of genitalia confusion. Once they realize fully what is going on and that it isn’t a dream, they start to find ways to communicate with each other. They leave diaries about their day on their phones, so they can inform the person and make the transition smoother. And they lay out ground rules on what they can and cannot do with their bodies.

Somehow, they both seem to improve the lives of their temporary host. But that is only the beginning of the story, and it goes a lot of places once they decide they need to meet each other.

And no, they will not just meet casually on some stairs like this promo art will have you believe.

Oh no! My emotions! I seem to have dropped them all over the place it just makes me upset, sad, relived, and happy all at the same time! The film was at 105 minutes, but it seemed so much longer based on how much it was able to go over and with the tone shifts that occurred. My plot outline has to only go over the first third, before they try to meet. Maybe the first half, and talking more about it will only spoil the discovery for yourself.

My first thoughts were how I planned on explaining the movie to my wife, because she would enjoy the story, but as I cried in happiness at the end, I realized it is the type of thing that is better seen first, not spoiled.

If we are being completely honest, a lot of components in this film are pretty standard anime story fare, and the ending itself isn’t a surprise. But the inclusion of fantasy elements, even on the low scale that this film gives us, with some science fiction elements, it deals with some pretty hardcore stuff. I won’t say the film did it perfectly, but it tried to be different and original with its actual plot, despite the inclusion of pretty general character tropes.

I apologize for being vague, but it is just really important to me. Your Name is a wonderful experience. Not everything done in the film necessarily makes sense, and it takes awhile to understand a lot of it. But it should be praised for going in as hard as they did. The animation is also quite beautiful and it appears to take anime in a new level of eyegasm. At least somewhere they are still improving and kicking ass in the 2D animation department.

Your Name should be watched, and it helps conclude 2016 for being one of the best animated film years for a long time. It is a shame that 2017 is looking like the polar opposite in terms of quality.

I find it very odd to see a lot of hype for the movie Kong: Skull Island. King Kong has happened over and over in film’s history, and given everything I know about the internet, they hate reboots, reimaginings, and remakes of other films, so they shouldn’t care about this one.

But alas, here we are. I don’t have too many fucks to give about it of course, after King Kong 11 years ago. Overly long and it didn’t really do anything different.

I guess this one is bringing in some hardcore CGI and bigger acting names. Maybe that is it. Or people are freaking out over the potential of a Godzilla and Kong showdown in the future. Needless to say, if this film doesn’t do anything different, I will probably be mostly annoyed.

I don’t care about context, these two people are not dirty enough.

Kong: Skull Island makes sure you get to see a giant ape really early in the film, when two crashed World War II pilots land on the island, start to fight, and then he shows up. But this isn’t set during that war, this is actually set in 1973, during the end of the Vietnam war.

Bill Randa (John Goodman) is some sort of scientist, who believes there is a lot to discover on this skull island they have found in the South Pacific. Ancient civilizations have talked about it, there are constant storms that surround it, but he wants a mission to explore what has never been explored. Let’s call it a geologic mapping mission. With a military escort.

He is able to gather a team. He has his own crew, a geologist (Corey Hawkins) and a biologist (Tian Jing), along with some extra scientists from another company (John Ortiz, Marc Evan Jackson). They have a legendary British explorer to help explore the jungles, James Conrad (Tom Hiddleston), who is in it for some money. A prize winning photojournalist, Mason Weaver (Brie Larson), who helped show the truth about Vietnam to the public. And of course a helicopter team lead by LTC Preston Packard (Samuel L. Jackson) and Captain Jack Chapman (Toby Kebbell), straight out of ‘Nam.

Most of them assume it is just a real exploratory mission. But really, Randa has an agenda and believes to be giant monsters on this island, and he wants to bring an end to them. They’ve got weapons of many sizes. Unfortunately, when setting off seismic blasts to detect the crust, they wake up these beasts on the island, and they do not like having explosions all over the place. Spread out over the island, the crew has three days to make it to the north side before they can be rescued.

Also featuring John C. Reilly, and a whole lot of soldiers: Jason Mitchell, Shea Whigham, Thomas Mann, and Eugene Cordero.

Turns out this Kong film has a lot of Japanese influence.

At its heart, Kong: Skull Island is an action adventure flick that wants to show us giant animals fighting some dudes with bombs. Which on its own could be enough for most of the people who want to see it. I will say there are some scenes that look a bit awkward based on CGI usage. It doesn’t always mesh well. But the more pure CGI scenes like Kong fighting with the giant lizards look amazing.

The film also doesn’t pussy foot around Kong. We get to see him in the first few minutes. Within 15 more we are on the island and Kong totally fucks up the helicopters putting our characters in a perilous situation. We get a lot of Kong and they don’t tease him out.

You know what we don’t get a lot of? Character development. Basically every character in this movie is weak on that level. There is no gain. They don’t change. Well, some of them die. We have exactly one character who people will care about and does change and that man is played by John C. Reilly. His character is wonderful, an amazing addition to the film, and worthy of praise.

But Kong: Skull Island is just going to be a interesting film that could have been a lot better. With its post credit scene trying its best to imitate The Avengers it leaves some hope for the future. But have to hope they improve the scripts first.

I am quite weary over Wolverine solo films at this point. The first one was utter crap, and The Wolverine was just regular crap. That’s right, neither of them were good.

And honestly, words like Hugh Jackman retiring from the role don’t mean a lot to me either. Actors have said that in the past and lied. The rating going to R after the success of Deadpool makes me worried it isn’t that way due to necessity, but because it can earn them some money.

Look, I just want a good story. A good story, some good action, and some good acting. Okay, apparently I just want a good movie. I don’t want a convoluted villain story. I don’t want mutants running around with vague powers. I don’t want action for the sake of action.

Just give me a high quality work of art, then I can start the praise. But until the credits roll, Logan will remain skeptical.

Deciding to make our hero mimic Mel Gibson was an interesting aspect.

And now, we find ourselves in the future. Not the Days of Future Past future. A simpler future. Where there aren’t a lot of mutants. Logan (Hugh Jackman) is older, more grizzled, and gives very few fucks. He also drives a limo. He now lives in the southwestern United States, in a small farm compound. With an Albino dude, Caliban (Stephen Merchant), who is also a mutant who can sense and detect other mutants.

Oh, and there is also Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart). A very old man at this point, his brain isn’t as strong as it used to be. Oh, he is still a telepath. But Alzheimer’s disease is still a thing, so he is prone to memory loss, and seizures. And when he has a seizure, a lot of people suffer.

Also! There are not a lot of mutants in the world left. And mutants have apparently not been born for decades. They are dying out. And Logan is hoping to escape it all, live on the sea, not have to deal with hurting others. Until a girl enters his life. Laura Kinney (Dafne Keen), a young girl who has escaped from a facility in Mexico City and is heading North to Eden, with other children, hoping to free to Canada for safety. Of course, Laura and the other kids are mutants as well. The future of their kind! That isn’t the only thing they have in common. Laura is also Logan’s “daughter.”

Also s tarring Boyd Holbrook, Daniel Bernhardt, and Richard E. Grant as some bad guys, and Elizabeth Rodriguez as a nurse from the facility.

Aw, she is smiling! How can she be related to that mean old grumpy man?

R rated Wolverine. This is what we wanted. We wanted to see Wolverine go full, well, Wolverine on a group of guys. Slashing throats, stabbing heads, blood flying everywhere, which is what past movies were missing. Wolverine is a weapon, he should be shown how really deadly he is. And this film finally delivers on this promise. Right at the start, he has to take out a group of thugs trying to rob and murder him, and we get claws through skulls, blood spraying, limbs off, the whole thing.

Not that excessive is the only violence we need to earn this R rated. There are also boobs and at least five fucks! Look at how R that is!

Aside from the rating, Logan also features something that other Wolverine films do not. A decent story AND decent acting. Stewart helps that. Jackman and Stewart brought their A-Game. Merchant added a weird and nice to the story, despite a smaller role. Keen ended up being a tiny power house in this film, growling and jumping around. She is the little ball of hate we had always hoped for with Wolverine (since Jackman is actually so god damn tall).

It isn’t a perfect plot, but there are some great surprises along the way. We have weaker villains of course, some unexplained dilemmas to create mystery, and annoying scenes where mutants are running for too long before attempting to fight back. But the film also spends a lot of time world building. Taking place in the future, it isn’t extremely tech heavy, but there are minor improvements around and everything seems arid and dry. Global Warming is a bitch. We also have self driving trucks! And extreme genetic farming!

Logan is definitely the Wolverine film we needed, and a fitting send off for Jackman and Stewart. The former wanting to retire from the role, the latter being old and probably just not necessary for any future films. Definitely go see Logan, just don’t bring your kids.

Timing is everything. And I don’t think that Yimou Zhang, director of The Great Wall, intended for his alternative fantasy epic to tie in at all to American Politics.

But here we are, soooo.

The Great Wall has nothing to do with America. Just an American stars in it, because the Chinese director wanted him. And again, it is an alternative universe, so it isn’t taking place in Modern current China. What I am really getting at is there are people angry about a white guy starring in a Chinese setting film. Well, the director is Chinese. And he is telling a story he wants to tell. And they are playing Europeans who end up in China. So there is no reason to cry afoul. Unless the movie is terrible.

Then? Then we can cry afoul together.

Boom, racism over.

Set somewhere before now and sometime after, I don’t know, the year 1,000, we are introduced to a few white Europeans. William (Matt Damon) and Tovar (Pedro Pascal), two mercenaries, working their way to China in hopes of acquiring some of this black powder they have heard about, a destructive weapon and powerful force. They are the only two remaining members of their group after a few set backs. And hey, they get attacked by some big green creature they have never seen before too.

While running from some locals, they find themselves at a wall. A GREAT WALL! With thousands upon thousands of Chinese soldiers. Now they find themselves prisoners and in a war they had no idea even existed.

But good news, there is another white guy! Ballard (Willem Dafoe), a monk looking guy, who came here decades ago also in search of the black powder, but was unable to leave based on what he learned. And he can fill them in on the stories. There is also a female general here, in wonderful blue armor, General Lin (Tian Jing), who helps fill in our story.

The Chinese are being attacked by the Tao Tie, a large swarm of monsters. Every sixty years they attack, evolving and learning tactics, in order to get through to the other side. There is a Queen that controls them all, with every beast working for her in order to feed her. If she eats enough, she will be able to create an army to take over the world, so they have to prevent her from getting to their capital. Easy enough!

But can two extra soldiers really help? Sure, if they have some new ideas and have fought in many wars before this. Like mercenaries. Hooray!

Also featuring Andy Lau, Hanyu Zhang, Kenny Lin, Eddie Peng, Xuan Huang, and Lu Han.

We straight up got the Chinese Power Rangers leading this army.

Th Great Wall is a weird movie. Bizarre, really. It is a film that stays true to its roots and gives us a unique story.

When I say it stays true to its roots, I mean that it definitely feels like a Chinese movie. It fits the directors style. It is not overly Hollywoodized despite the Western cast members and writers (of which there was six)! The dialogue is shit, some build up scenes are rushed, but most of the focus is on the action, the mythology, and the colors.

The colors Duke! The colors! I loved that the outfits were stylish and seemingly useful. Each faction of the army with specialized weapon styles and tasks had a colorful cloak and armor to tell them apart to help with formations and look spectacular on the screen. I am especially impressed with the Crane Corps, all female fighters wearing blue. Their speciality was exciting, and it reminded me fondly of a Final Fantasy class system.

The ending was unfortunately a bit rushed. Moving the climax of the film to a new location put a damper on it for me. The CGI felt a bit weaker then too, with a lot of strange character actions.

Most of the characters were pretty two dimensional. But the film is weird. And it is pretty. So it has its uses.

When I first saw a poster and heard the title for A Monster Calls, my first thought was to ignore it.

I mean, come on, it sounds and looks immediately like just a horror film. A horror film about some big mysterious beast terrorizing a family possibly. I didn’t look into the cast, I just let it slip my mind.

And then the weirdest thing happened. A lot of people started talking about how awesome it looked and how excited they were to see it. Oh, maybe it is a high quality horror? So I gave the trailer a look, and hey, it looked awesome, and it was a fantasy/drama, not a horror at all!

Here at Gorgon Reviews, we would like to let this serve as a PSA to not just a film entirely on its title and poster.

And to watch all films with your tiny children. Every single one.

Conor (Lewis MacDougall) isn’t having the best of times. He is aloof at school in class, getting picked on by bullies, and he is having strange nightmares of a church crumbling in a graveyard, ground splitting open, and falling. Very scary.

And it turns out his mom (Felicity Jones) is dying of the cancer. A strong one, they are trying treatments, but she is weak and she has been weak for awhile. She is in and out of the hospital. Conor’s grandmother (Sigourney Weaver) checks after him when his mom is sick, but she is strict, mean, no fun at all. And his dad? Well, the dad (Toby Kebbell) now lives in America, with his new wife and a kid, with no room for Conor should his mom pass on.

Needless to say, it is raining shit down on Conor. All he has going for him is his emo art. And then at 12:07 AM, a giant tree creature appears outside of his bedroom window. This monster (Liam Neeson) says he was summoned and is here to heal. But first, he has to tell Conor three stories over the next few days. After that, Conor has to tell him a story. He has to tell him the truth. He has to tell him his nightmare.

Also starring James Melville as the bully, and he looks familiar, but he is literally in nothing else except for some short named Grace.

And that bully is about to get fucked the fuck up.

Films about sad events tend to resonate in those that have experienced similar sad events. For me? I really don’t know anyone close to me who has died from or even received cancer (yet). So I figured it would be a sad experience, but not one I could relate to.

And I was wrong. By the end, I was bawling, over several scenes. Watching the young boy deal with his grief, acting out, fighting, running away, it all made sense. And of course the mom dies by the end. This film is about a boy dealing with his mom’s incurable cancer. The feelings that will wash over you are universal, even if you don’t have the cancer details. Of losing your mom, of not having enough time, about how you might deal with months of agony knowing that you aren’t the one in real pain.

The cast is small, but the three main stars are wonderful. MacDougall has to carry the film with every scene focused on him, and he does a phenomenal job. Jones is only there a few scenes, but her scenes are still just a powerful when they need to be. I was surprised to see Weaver in this movie, let alone with a British accent, but I think she did an okay enough job. Her transition in the boy’s eyes was a nice touch.

I do think it is funny that Kebbell is in this film, known for his work in a motion capture suit, but he also doesn’t even play the Monster. Neeson does an incredible job a the voice of the Monster, giving it that gruff, wise, and intimidating voice that really helps tell the story. The stories he tells are also wonderful. The water color adds so much character to the stories. After the first one was over, I was initially annoyed the Monster didn’t have to tell 10 long stories just to watch more.

The film is visually impressive, well acted, and it will get you right in the feels. That is a perfect film for me.