Tag: Action

I went in to see The Wolverine with one thing on my mind. It couldn’t be worse than X-Men Origins: Wolverine. What a terrible movie. Maybe the worst big comic movie since Superman Returns.

Basically, the bar is set pretty low. So as long as the plot makes sense and there are some decent action scenes, I will probably find it okay

There are gratuitous amounts of shirtless scenes as well. Dem veins.

This story takes place after the events of X-Men: The Last Stand, with some flashbacks before half of the events in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) is still dead, she just happens to be haunting the dreams of Logan / Wolverine (Hugh Jackman). Logan has now escaped to the Canadian wilderness to be left alone.

Enter Yukio (Rila Fukushima), a spunky young Asian woman who can see how people will die (not a mutant) and will not leave Logan alone. In Nagasaki, right before we dropped that big bomb, Logan saved a young general’s life from the blast and radiation. Mr. Yashida (Hal Yamanouchi) became one of the richest people in Japan after that incident! Now, he is about to die, and he wants Logan to come to Japan to say goodbye to the man who saved his life.

Of course, Mr. Yashida wants more than a goodbye. He still wants to live and he believes he can offer Logan a way to finally die by transferring his healing powers. Interesting proposition. Logan also stepped deep into a company power struggle. Yashida’s son Shingen (Hiroyuki Sanada) thinks he is gaining control of the company, but it is actually going to the granddaughter, Mariko (Tao Okamoto). To make matters worse, the Yakuza and a ninja clan (including Will Yun Lee) are also involved!

At the same time, Wolverine gets poisoned by Viper (Svetlana Khodchenkova), the only other mutant in the movie, causing him to lose most of his healing ability. Oh no! He has to fix all the kidnappings, act as a bodyguard, figure out who is the biggest asshole in the room, and try to not die. Typical Tuesday.

Adamantium on Adamantium porn. To reiterate, I had only two criteria that I needed met: a plot that makes sense, and interesting action scenes.

First let’s look at the plot. This film was far too long. They focused a lot on plot and character development, but it wasn’t good plot or character development. Especially in the middle, it dragged on a lot, made more relevant by the lack of action.

The plot is actually a bit confusing. Apparently everyone is a bad guy! The ending attempts to wrap up the multiple plot lines with a big reveal, but instead a few of the plot lines no longer make any sense. Those plot lines remain unanswered the rest of the movie, swept under the rug, hoping no one would notice.

Alright, so the plot is a mess. (Nerd Quandary: In X2 we found out that Logan’s memories after his Adamantium surgery had been wiped. It was explained in X-Men Origins: Wolverine that those memories were lost thanks to adamantium bullets to the head. He only regains a few memories thanks to Xavier’s help, yet he is supposed to remember World War II? Hmm…)

The next thing I have to look at is the action. There is a really interesting train scene that is visually pleasing. The arrow/ninja scene had a great take down. But outside of those two moments, everything was lackluster. The final scene felt really cheap, and a lot of that has to do with Viper as a villain. She is a mutant and has powers, but they are never really explained. She just does more and more snake like things throughout the film, but it all just feels fake. She is also incredibly pointless in the long run.

Crap, I didn’t know what my rating would be until I got to this part of my review. Turns out I disliked it more than I thought. STILL better than X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Far better. The story at least tries to be interesting, and gives some entertainment value. Unfortunately, relooking over the experience, it was overall less than stellar.

We can all feel good at the fact that X-Men: Days Of Future Past comes out next year. It happens to be one of the most ambitious film ideas I’ve ever heard of, and the subject of the scene in the credits.

1 out of 4.

Alright, look, I am sorry it took this long to review District 9.

Most have you have already seen it by now, I bet. Which is great. It was fantastic when I watched in theaters in 2009. Shit, that is like, four years ago. FOUR YEARS AGO PEOPLE. Fuck. It seems so new, even now. Still, I am reviewing it now for two reasons. One, Neill Blomkamp. District 9 was his first directed movie, and it is an indie one at that. Insane. More importantly, he has another movie coming out in a couple of weeks, Elysium, you might have heard of it.

Reason number two? I said I would review this movie once I finally rewatched it again. Needless to say, that shit took awhile.

Yeah. Aliens AND politics. My kind of entertainment! You already know this is a positive review, look how highly I talked about it before.

This takes place in modern day time, 2010 or so, but in an alternative history. South Africa has always been known for its rambunctious nature and high levels of racism. But did you know in 1982 an Alien Spaceship landed above Johannesburg? Of course not, it is a movie, ffs.

Well, they checked out the ship that wasn’t attacking them and found hundreds of malnourished aliens on board that they now call Prawns, a racial slur against them. They were put into a government campsite outside of Johannesburg, named District 9 and given tiny shacks and junk yards to live in. There is constant pressure from those in Johannesburg, who hate the shit out of them, and internal struggles in their poor neighborhoods, so eventually the government wants them to be moved.

These aliens have rights though. They have to be evicted first, before they can be put in a new location much farther away (And a lot more shittier).

Wikus Van De Merwe (Sharlto Copley), a random bureaucrat, has been assigned to give the notices. There is a lot of eyes watching the process, to make sure they don’t harass the prawns, so many news organizations have sent representatives. They also have a small armed force, lead by Koobus Venter (David James). But what happens when they find more than just a few homes smuggling alien weaponry, and discover something even bigger is forming?

Even more quizzical, what happens when they discover the black goop?

The feels. The feels. Oh my goodness, the feels.

One thing I certainly forgot in the four years since I saw this movie in theaters? It is kind of gross. The attention to detail is high, and that leads to some cringe worthy scenarios in my stomach area. Lot of violence. People die. Aliens die. People die in weird ways. Other things happen that are gross that I can’t really describe without spoilers. But seriously, gross gross gross.

However, at the same time, it is just so fucking well done. The plot, the intrigue, and the acting. Only one actor really matters in this movie, good ole Sharlto, who had basically his first role with this film. He carries it on his back, despite being a big unknown. Especially when a lot of the movie deals with him interacting with aliens and Nigerians, he really stands out (racist?).

However, there is one thing that keeps me from giving it a 4. Part of the reason I would give a 4 comes from rewatchability. I can watch a great movie, and love its acting, but if I don’t think I would want to watch it again in a few years, it can’t be a 4 for me. Now, this one took me about three years to finally watch after buying it, which is a huge amount of time. I didn’t finally watch it because I wanted to, just had to before Elysium.

So, with that, that explains the 3. Very good, watch it at least once and be happy.

3 out of 4.

12 Rounds is a film that is now a bit older. Okay, 2009, so not too old. But I definitely remember seeing the trailer multiple times in theaters and dozens of TV Shots. You know what I thought of it back then? “Huh, that looks pretty good!”

Yeah, four years ago me was weird. Still, I never heard about it after the fact, but I did see that there was a direct to DVD sequel, 12 Rounds: Reloaded. Huh, so it was good…enough…right? To make a direct to DVD sequel? Something in the back of my mind made me want to watch it though. It could be really entertaining, if not just a bit silly.

YEAH. EXPLOSIONS! Miles Jackson (Aidan Gillen) is a big fancy arms dealer, a big bad guy, who they want to take down. Namely Danny Fisher (John Cena). Well, shit goes wrong. He almost gets away with his girlfriend, but then she gets hit with a car and dies. Shit, who saw that coming. Miles gets caught and he is pissed off.

A year later, Danny gets a phone call…FROM MILES! OH MAN! He has escaped from prison! And he has his girlfriend Molly (Ashley Scott) captive! Ahh! Miles tells him they are going to play a game, a game called 12 Rounds. He just passed Round 1 by surviving an explosion, and if he passes all 12 tasks, he will get the girl back. Sure. Right.

So Miles has Danny running around the city, with the help of the force (Steve Harris, Brian White, more) to get his girl back and also recapture and dangerous man. Also, explosions and death and shit. Lots of that.

Miles looks like a cross of Edward Norton and Josh Groban to me. Let’s just say this movie wasn’t as entertaining as advertised. Wasn’t even silly. It was a very serious faced film. Everyone took it very seriously, and I didn’t care one bit.

Shit, it took TWENTY minutes for the intro to finish so we could get to modern day and start the games. That is a long chase for the arms dealer dude. Who gives a fuck.

This movie literally gave me a headache with its badness. So I had to give it this rating, because I hate headaches. No entertainment value for me. Can’t wait for the sequel.

0 out of 4.

When it was released, Red received pretty decent reviews from critics but didn’t do amazing at the box office. It made up for it in DVD/Blu-Ray sales though, gaining a small cult following, which is why they green-lit the sequel, surprisingly named Red 2.

The main notable difference between the two is that this one doesn’t have Morgan Freeman. For shame.

Although, as you can see from the picture, it has a lot of John Malkovich being very very John Malkovichy.

The movie begins with Frank (Bruce Willis) and Sarah (Mary-Louise Parker) trying to build a home together. Frank is retired (and still extremely dangerous) but he wants to put his past behind him. Too bad Marvin (John Malkovich) comes prancing in, warning him that he thinks someone is trying to kill them.

Well, it turns out there actually are people trying to kill them! Reports have surfaced that they are nuclear terrorists, who are trying to take out Russia. In fact, the CIA are trying to take them in, including their main man Jack Horton (Neal McDonough, who looks like the white Robert Ri’chard), who has hired the world’s best assassin Han Cho Bai (Byung-hun Lee). The MI6 are sending their old friend Victoria (Helen Mirren), and Russia has Frank’s former fling, Katja (Catherine Zeta-Jones). Sarah doesn’t like Katja.

So Frank, Sarah, and Marvin have to work together and find Dr. Bailey (Anthony Hopkins), a brilliant war scientist who has been kept in the loony bin for over thirty years. Together, they hope to clear their name, and possibly stop a nuclear bomb from taking out a huge populatio of the world.

I decided to not talk about John Malkovich with my second image.

I don’t think you need to see Red in order to understand Red 2. All you have to know is that Frank and Sarah met in the first film, and everyone else has a huge history with everyone else. If you had to only pick one to watch, go with the original.

Red 2 isn’t bad per say, but it just doesn’t seem to care too much. Sure, it is entertaining, and funny at times, but not a lot happens overall. They are framed fugitives being hunted by the top governments around the world, yet they still have time to walk around Paris and go shopping. It just seemed odd and ruined the flow of the movie for me. The ending chase scene ended up being really predictable as well.

Red 2, just like R.I.P.D. had its enjoyable moments and was entertaining, just not something I would ever recommend to see more than once. I think Red 2 is not really based on the graphic novel like the first movie. Instead it is based on whatever the writer felt like. I usually don’t care how close a movie is to its source material, but I think in this case, they really didn’t know what to do with their characters. Because of that, it just felt like a mess.

John Malkovich is brilliant as always, and a bit more insane than normal. Malkovich is the main reason to see Red 2, and the only real reason.

2 out of 4.

Don’t worry readers, I am not about to spend a whole review explaining why R.I.P.D. (Trailer) just looks like a rehash of Men In Black. From the grumbles I heard in theaters during the trailer, I realized everyone had already figured it out on their own.

Technically R.I.P.D. is based off of a graphic novel of the same name, but it didn’t publish until after the first two MIB movies came out. Regardless, it seems like Universal itself doesn’t care about this movie with limited promotion and refusing early showings for critics. Generally when critics can’t get early showings things are going badly.

That facial hair from Bridges is not the something bad though. Nick (Ryan Reynolds) is a member of the Boston PD, and finds himself dead unexpectedly during a raid. Man, dying sure does suck. He gets pulled up to what he thinks is heaven and runs into…a Proctor (Mary-Louise Parker). What? Were you expecting Jesus? She offers him a choice. He can either go straight to Judgement and find out his fate for eternity, or join the Rest In Peace Department, serve for 100 years, and get a recommendation before Judgement.

Given Nick’s somewhat corrupt cop nature, he chooses to join the force. The R.I.P.D. are sent down to Earth to round up those who have died and refuse to pass on, as they slowly corrupt everything around them. Roy (Jeff Bridges) is a lawman from the 1800s, and reluctantly takes Nick under his wing.

Too bad the deadoes are also working on building an artifact to bring all the dead entities back to earth, and end the world. Good thing Nick just died and can try and stop it!

Kevin Bacon plays Nick’s old partner, Stephanie Szostak is Nick’s wife, and James Hong and Marisa Miller play Nick and Roy’s avatars while they are on earth. A joke that most certainly gets old really fast.

This joke might have gotten pretty old real quick. R.I.P.D. is not as bad as the trailers will have you believe. Sure, it has a lot to work on, and it could have been a lot better, but still, it isn’t complete trash. Critics just tend to give lower ratings to movies that they don’t get to see for free.

As for our leading man Ryan Reynolds, I thought he was really weak in this movie. Sure, his character just died, and he has a lot of angst, but I didn’t believe any of it in this movie. He was supposed to be pissed off the entire movie, but he just seemed passive aggressive and pouty.

Jeff Bridges was over the top in this movie, but it really did work. It was strange at first, having his era specific dialogue mixed in with the modern dialogue of everyone else. Once you got over that fact, basically everything he said was gold. I will give props to Mary-Louise Parker as well, who didn’t really have a lot to work with for her role yet still made it her own. She was in two different movies released this week (Red 2), and thankfully her characters were completely different.

The movie felt really short, and the ending was wrapped up pretty nicely with a bow, by ignoring pretty huge plot points. If you have monstrous beings running around Boston, blocking off whole intersections, with giant vacuum like holes appearing in the sky and taking out infrastructure, you are going to have hundreds of thousands of dead. After the initial appearance of bad guys, the streets became miraculously clear and no humans seemed to die. Great!

R.I.P.D. caused me to laugh on numerous occasions, but in general, the plot and acting from Reynolds felt really weak. It is at best a little bit entertaining, but not something I’d ever watch again.

2 out of 4.

Giant Robots Fighting Giant Monsters.

That should be a good enough review for this movie.

If you are like me, the first time you heard about Pacific Rim (Trailer) you bounced around with joy. Sure, some of you maybe bounced on the subject matter alone, which is fine. But I was even more excited about the fact that Guillermo del Toro was set to direct the film. Guillermo means quality in Spanish, I am pretty sure. Just examine the last two films he directed! Hellboy II? Pan’s Labyrinth? This guy knows how to tell a story, while also kicking major ass.

Spoilers: These robots are here to fuck shit up. Monster shit. In the year 2025, we are currently in the twelfth year of fighting the Kaiju. Kaiju are larger than life mythical beasts that come from a dimensional portal at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. The first one to appear took over five days to kill while it rampaged the California coast. The world realized it would have to stop fighting and work together to stop this threat from taking over completely, which started the Jaeger program.

The Jaegers are giant robots equal to the size of the Kaiju that can be deployed to fight the beasts before they cause more harm. Initially they prove to be quite successful, but the Kaiju have started to appear in increasingly shorter intervals, bigger and badder than before.

Raleigh Becket (Charlie Hunnam) used to be a great pilot with his brother. Five years prior, a Kaiju took his brother’s life, so he left the program to become a drifter. Shockingly, the UN is thinking of abandoning their Jaeger program due to the amount of Jaegers that are now getting destroyed. Their idea is to build a giant coastal wall to keep them out (very dumb). With only few months left of funding, Marshall Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba) brings Raleigh back in to the fold to attempt one last shot at ending this thing once and for all.

Damn, that was a really good plot description. But there are many more people who have important roles in this movie. Rinko Kikuchi is Raleigh’s new partner once he returns to the Jaeger program. Max Martini and Robert Kazinsky play a father/son pilot team who run the fabled Striker Eureka, the fastest Jaeger made. Charlie Day and Burn Gorman are the main two scientists working on solving the Kaiju problem, a biologist and a mathematician respectfully. Finally, Clifton Collins Jr. is the main control room operator for the operation, and Ron Perlman a black market Kaiju flesh dealer.

Spoilers: There is no giant version of this monster unfortunately. If you don’t like the idea of giant robots fighting giant monsters then I really don’t think you will enjoy this movie. Because the movie gives you exactly that, and just a little bit more.

First off, if you are going to see Pacific Rim (Which you should!), you should watch it in 3D. The fight scenes were so incredible, I thought my eyes would melt. The second fight scene in Hong Kong is probably the sexiest thing I have seen in film this year. They were filmed with 3D cameras, so you don’t have to worry about blurriness mucking up the great action.

The Hong Kong fight is actually better than the fight at the climax of the film. Some would consider that to be a big problem, but I can easily forgive it. The final fight gets points for taking place in a different environment from the rest of the film.

I love the casting choices in the film, in that most of the people are not big named stars. This really allowed the viewer to get involved with the story and not get distracted by the eyes of someone like Brad Pitt.

Sure, there are a few weak plot points, and the acting isn’t always top notch, but the stunning visuals, well choreographed fights, and complete bad-assery from start to finish well make up for it. My biggest plot complaints really come from what was NOT said by a few characters. I was disappointed that the movie didn’t delve deeper into some of the ethical implications brought upon by certain actions, but really, that just allows a sequel/prequel to ask those questions later.

Please. Give Guillermo del Toro your money. Go see Pacific Rim.

3 out of 4.

I decided to watch Stolen because sometimes I hate my life.

Also, an editor friend told me he heard that it was advertised as “Taken, but with Nicolas Cage!” That seems like a stretch. So then I had to watch it just to be sure. Because surely it wouldn’t be the same plot as Taken, with a title that basically means the same thing. They wouldn’t do that.

Taken, but with a stuffed animal instead of a daughter. Will Montgomery (Cage) is a big time criminal, and he is going to rob a bank at night. Oh yeah. So hot. Too bad the FBI (Danny Huston) are on his trail, and staked out outside of a jewelry store to catch them. Also because they think he is going to rob a jewelry store, not the bank. Clever Montgomery.

So he is off stealing cash with his team Vincent and Hoyt (Josh Lucas, M.C. Gainey) and even a girl, Riley (Malin Akerman).

Well, things go badly. Montgomery gets caught, but he burns the money so they have nothing to pen on him. Eight years later, he is out of prison on parole!

Turns out some of his former team mates are a little upset. So is his daughter, Alison (Sami Gayle). She thinks her dad is an asshole who left her for prison. Whatever that means.

Long story short, one of his former buddies is pissed off that he never got paid that day. So he kidnaps the daughter, has a big plot to get the money back, or you know, he will kill the kid.

Hooray blackmail! Of course that means Montgomery will have to find the money, within half a day, while also avoiding the cops and other people who want him dead.

They are going to have to do a cavity search for that bear. [Holy shit, I didn’t finish this review. I really think I typed it up, but apparently it got lost. Whoops. Here is a quick analysis because I don’t give a fuck anymore.]

Either way, this movie was not entertaining. Yes, another action movie that has fighting, chasing, explosions, and guns. But fails to entertain.

The story is bad, the acting is whatever, and the plot twists are also bad.

My goodness, that man was hideous.

This is nothing like Taken, that is a fact. But maybe if they make a ridiculous sequel to Stolen it will accidentally be good?

1 out of 4.

Honestly, I don’t know the real name of this movie. Sure, All Superheroes Must Die is the title on the cover. But IMDB really, really, really wants it to be called Vs. Who knows why. Maybe IMDB doesn’t want to let the title go. Maybe it has special value in that title, and just can’t see it drift off into the night.

Whatever the reason, I am going with the better and sexier looking title. I also am only watching this because of seeing The FP. Same guy wrote and directed both, so I am hoping it is a big subtle parody on the whole genre. You know, because director/writers never change genres in film. Right?

Oh, here are all the superheroes, that must die.

Our story begins with four heroes, waking up in a strange place, feeling woozy. They are weak! Stripped of their powers!

We have The Wall (Lee Valmassy), Shadow (Sophie Merkley), Cutthroat (Lucas Till), and Charge (Jason Trost), who still found a way to sport an eye patch in this movie.

They have lost their powers! They are all in some strange abandoned town, with a creepy vibe. Finally, the television pops on and of course it is their Arch Nemesis Rickshaw (James Remar) who wants to play a game with them. Yes, very Saw-esque. Even better if you recognize James Remar as the dad on Dexter.

Either way, he has joined these superheroes together, who have a history, to play a series of games. There are over a hundred townsfolk tied up around the town, with explosives. So if they refuse to play, he will explode and kill everyone. Their only chance is to try and work together, to attempt to pass his tests and save the lives of the innocent.

Unfortunately, sometimes the only way to win, is to die.

Insert nefarious cackle here.

The FP was a strange movie, but I allowed it, given the context, and clearly they were doing a parody. All Superheroes Must Die, however, was not a parody, and it seems they were going for a legitimate, serious movie.

The concept is a good one. No boring back story to lead up to the moment, just drops you right in the games. In fact, it is less than 80 minutes long, so they can literally just tell this one story, make it awesome, and not worry about the consequences.

Unfortunately, despite the short time? We still get a lot of back story in the form of flashbacks. Ugh. Far too much of this movie is bullshit back story, that the rest feels like a waste. Speaking of waste, the villain makes the games seem like such a big deal, with all these mini challenges. Well, it is just three rounds. And they are boring. Bah.

Yeah. A good concept, but unfortunately the entire movie is boring. It could have had a lot more action, much better acting, and just some level of entertaining. Thankfully it didn’t waste too much of my day to get through it.

1 out of 4.

Despicable Me 2 might make the most money out of any CGI movie this summer, so it is kind of a big deal. But does it deserve that money?

The kid vote does not count, damn it. Despicable Me 2 starts us off soon after the first film. Gru (Steve Carell) is no longer a big bad villain because he has three kid to take care of, and he has had a change of heart. In fact, he has turned his whole secret laboratory into a secret jelly making factory, complete with free minion workers. With overheads that low, he can really make a splash in the market.

Unfortunately, the change in operation has left Dr. Nefario (Russell Brand) with no joy in his life, so he leaves Gru to pursue other opportunities. Speaking of pursuing other opportunities, Gru gets kidnapped by the Anti-Villain League. Silas Ramsbottom (Steve Coogan) wants Gru to lead an investigation on a disappearing arctic base that is researching chemicals that can cause ordinary creatures to become terrible beasts.

He would also get a new partner on the case, young and bubbly Lucy Wilde (Kristen Wiig). Oh yeah, she totally has the hots for him, too. This movie is mostly about Gru as a single dad and afraid to date. This provides many scenes of him avoiding the neighbors and awkwardly flirting with Lucy. Sure, maybe the world is threatened if this formula gets in the wrong hands, but love is also important.

Benjamin Bratt leads his vocals for El Macho / the mysterious Salsa Dancing restaurant owner who looks like El Macho, Ken Jeong as a mysteriously short wig salesman, and Kristen Schaal as a mysteriously well endowed blind date for Gru.

Spoiler, he does not choose the well endowed blind date by the end. Illumination Entertainment made the original Despicable Me in 2010, and is what they are most known for. That is because before Despicable Me 2, they have only made two other films, The Lorax and Hop, both ridiculous flops (and a bit terrible). So it makes sense they are already doing a sequel, and are releasing a spin-off titled just Minions in December 2014. What doesn’t make sense is how they have the rights to so many Dr. Seuss based movies down the pipe line, when they did so badly with their first chance.

Speaking of the Minions, did you love them from the first movie? They were arguably the best part of the first film, and quite cute. They have made sure that they advertise the fuck out of these minions for the sequel and eventual spinoff.

Basically, everywhere I look, there is a Minion based toy, gizmo, commercial, because “Hey, they are cute!” They recognize the best part, gave us a movie with potential for rich new characters, but then threw minions at our faces until we had to get new 3D Glasses. There is an overabundance of minions in this movie. They are in every scene, part of every plot point, and potentially in this movie more than Gru. It turns the entire movie into mostly slapstick based humor instead of witty jokes, which doesn’t help rewatchability or entertainment.

Basically I believe the main character is pushed out of the spotlight, similar to how Cars 2 was handled. At no point in the movie is he even considered despicable. In fact, he is rather admired and chased by women, loved by his family, and just a good guy. The plot is really straightforward, and you will figure out the main bad guy well before the reveal. The bad chemical itself was inconsistent with how it works, where it could have been fixed with a sentence of dialogue.

Long story short, Despicable Me 2 is not really about Gru trying to save the world from a threat (although he does that as well) it is more about Gru the single dad finding love. With minions. So many minions.

 

1 out of 4.

After I saw Tai Chi Zero, I was immediately excited for the sequel, Tai Chi Hero. I knew they were filmed around the same time, and part of a planned trilogy (of which the third has not been announced yet, peculiar, hmm).

I was a bit disappointed that the first film wasn’t a “steam punk martial arts” movie as advertised. Only very barely. But to recap the first movie, we got a guy, going to the Chen village, to learn a very special Kung-Fu. He defends the down, despite not knowing the Kung-Fu, and can sometimes turn into a demon when his tiny horn things get hit. Yeah boy. Let’s continue, damn it.

Aw shit. This movie has fancy beat sticks.

Yang Lu Chan (Yuan Xiaochao), formerly The Freak, is ready to learn the famous Chen Kung-Fu! But they still insist that only actual villagers can learn the martial arts, no outsiders. So they set up an impromptu wedding to marry Lu Chan to Chen Yu Niang (Angelababy), famed daughter of Master Chen Chang Xing (Tony Leung Ka Fai), who he is smitten by and totally saved last movie.

Why are they afraid of outsiders? Basically, back in the day, one or more of their former students went total asshole on another village, and hurt a lot of people. They came back pretty mad, embarrassed their students, and promised that if they ever taught any outsiders again, their village would be doomed. So teaching only their own family and kind was a way of protecting against that. So people are still afraid that Yang Lu Chan learning the art will kill their town.

Remember Fang Zi Jing (Eddie Peng)? Probably not, those are sounds that don’t sound familiar. Well he was the bad guy who was from the last movie. He is pissed that he got defeated, so he teams up with the East India Company and Duke Fleming (Peter Stormare), who is upset over the death of that one chick from the last movie. So he is now a governor, has an army, and lots of cannons.

Aw yeah. Can they defeat the threat that is bigger than the last one? Can he learn the Chen Kung-Fu? Because he would totally have to use it to beat a whole mess of new people, a gauntlet type of situation, to prove the fighting style’s legitimacy. That is kind of just tacked on to the end.

The scariest part of this movie is that Peter Stormare is in it. Who the fuck saw that plot twist coming?

Here is the main differences between the two films. The first film is pretty silly, with crazy fighting, video game references, and it was entertaining. The plot was weak. In the sequel, they want to expand the plot, the universe, and so many back stories. There is a lot more drama in this one, enough for me to take out the Comedy tag.

The problem is that this film almost feels like a strange rehashing of the first film. The ending is completely rushed, and unfortunately the most entertaining part. The final fight scene on top of the…small tiny walls (I am not sure what to call them. Partitions?) was excellent.

Now, I did not know that this (eventual) trilogy was meant to talk about the beginnings of Tai Chi, when it was apparently first just a variant of Kung-Fu. So this is supposed to be a very exaggerated and crazy, true story. Kind of. I guess that is interesting, but it is not something made clear at all in the first film.

I think this is definitely a weaker film than the first, in terms of entertainment. The fight scene at the end was dope. They also decided to get rid of his cool, demon crazy fighting ability half way through the movie. Not sure why. I guess because they never really used it at all. I feel teased. Super teased. Still decently well done though. Hopefully part three is a musical.

2 out of 4.