Tag: 3 out of 4

This is for the Swedish version of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, not the newer one, and definitely not the Swedish book.

Got that? I am already tired of writing out the title.

I kept putting this off, not because I didn’t want to watch it, I just didn’t want to watch a bunch of long swedish movies, and read subtitles. But hey! At least the Blu-Ray versions all have English dubs. Great. As long as I don’t stare at the mouths, I am good to go.

Michael Nyqvist is the main dude, and just lost some court case. He wrote an expose on some famous guy, who took him to court over the alleged facts and won. But instead of trying to appeal, he kinda just blahs out. He then (I really cant see how this happens) gets hired by this old dude to research and look into a death from 40 years prior.

My guess is because he is a research journalist, so the guy wants him to do research?

Noomi Rapace plays “that girl”, and works for some security company as a private investigator, and is hired to follow Nyqvist. There is also this other story about her having a guardian still (I think she is supposed to be 17 then?), and it is very rapey.

Rapey? Yeah. Rape appears a lot in this movie.

So much rape it will make your head spin.

Anyways. They eventually team up, find the truth, fix the problems, and everything works out. Kinda.

It was definitely an interesting, if not weird. Acting was good, and it was disturbing at parts. Nudity, for those who like that, but not “sexy nudity”. I think there were lot of different themes and sub-stories that appeared in the book, but were only lightly touched upon in the movie. Half-assing stuff like that irks me. Putting things in movies just because it was in the book, but not as fully as it was in the book. Appeals to those who read the book, but angers people who like to consider the movie to be its own thing (well, me? And no one else maybe).

So as just a movie, it was pretty decent. But had too many smaller announces that bugged it for me. Ending was kind of weird too. Didn’t understand everything after the first “conclusion” of the movie, and it felt weird by itself. Oh well.

“Inspirational sports movies” has got to be one of my favorite categories of movies. They are usually long, have drama, and sports! And they hopefully make you feel good at the end. Also preferably with nice quotes during locker room moments, you can you steal their good words later when you are playing a non important Intramural game or maybe even a video game.

Jeez, I pretty much like most of the ones I have seen too. I did not like We Are Marshall, Gridiron Gang, or Miracle though (even as a huge hockey fan). Seemed like they were just copies of other things I had already seen, don’t care if they were “true stories” either.

Moneyball is another “True Story”, based on the Oakland As of 10 years ago going for a title, with little money, and a different way of evaluating players. I’d say the biggest problem with it is that it is so soon, and MLB, so even if I hate baseball, I know enough to know that the team hasn’t done squat after when this movie takes place. So very disappointing in that regard!

But hey! Those movies didn’t have a serious Jonah Hill.

Shit. But each one of them had an action star as the head coach. Oh, what? Philip Seymour Hoffman is the coach/manager, but Brad Pitt is the GM? Thank god.

So Pitt is the GM, and just saw his team lose in a best of 5 series after going up 2-0. Shame. They are losing their star first baseman. With no real payroll available to find one guy as a suitable replacement. Even though trades are attempted, including with the Indians. Pitt sees Jonah Hill in the corner, and thinks he is secretly calling the shots, so he finds him, talks to him, and buys him from the Indians to be his assistant GM (a huge upgrade). He is a Yale graduate in Economics, and think the best solution to replacing the first baseman is to bring in three different guys, undervalued. None of which play first base.

Chris Pratt plays the catcher, who no one wants, and has to change position. He also has a smaller role than I would have expected, but does a nice job of being “Serious”. Stephen Bishop plays David Justice, a “washed up” athlete who the Yankees cut, and therefore the As can afford.

Of course since this is based on a true story, all the trades / transactions that happened in the movie, actually happened, and it isn’t just a team of misfits, like The Replacements or Major League. But the movie is about the first attempt to try and rebuild a team through this new method of evaluation, and their quest for the world series.

Chris Pratt’s character may be important.

Overall I thought the movie was very well down. I think people argue on whether or not Pitt acted good, or acted at all. They try to show his character to have a lot of past demons, based on his own dealings as a MLB player when he was younger. I thought he did a good job, like most of the leads. I think the manager character was probably way too stubborn in all of the talks with the GM, but hey, what do I know?

Movie is over two hours, and has a touching ending too, and I think is interesting enough. Don’t even have to understand much baseball to get it. Hitting percentage is probably the easiest thing to grasp, and one of the things talked about most.

But I might have enjoyed a fictionalized movie about this more, just to have a better outcome.

I know what you are thinking. “This is just some dumb Romantic Comedy. What’s Your Number? What is with movies that ask questions in the title!?” Or something like that. But probably not. Probably just never heard of the movie. That is the simpler guess!

But hey, it also has enough T&A for the fellas and the ladies, so even if you are shallow you are covered.

Covered. Like a hand towel.

Anna Faris is a dirty dirty whore. Or at least that is what she thinks of herself after reading in some magazine that at most, most women sleep with 10 guys. Women who sleep with 20 or more have a high percentage of living alone! Shit! She has slept with 19 guys, more than all of her friends. The self esteem issues she faces even drives her to get a boob job (Oh wait. No, that was real life). Doesn’t help that she seems to change everything about herself when she meets a guy too, instead of being herself (Ending moral alert).

Her sister is getting married (Ari Graynor) and so she gets the great idea to try and see if any of her ex-boyfriends are awesome now, and try to reconnect with him. That way she doesn’t push the number over the “limit”. With the help of her equally (or more) promiscuous neighbor Chris Evans, she sets off to find the people on her list, to see if she can save herself!

Its amazing how many famous people she ended up seducing/dating/spending one night with. Including Zachary Quinto, Joel McHale, Andy Samberg, and Chris Pratt (which is a great side story), and even Aziz Ansari (Who we only get to hear on the phone, but its obvious it is him).

Also, Alcohol is involved in a lot of her decisions.

I won’t say how it ends, because you know how it ends. But I actually guessed it would end a slightly different way than how it actually did, so bam, I got owned.

I think Anna Faris spent a lot of work trying to make sure the movie was funny (and might have done it because she wanted to be in Bridesmaids but didn’t make a cut? I cant remember). Something about woman power. But I did laugh a bunch, mostly at stupid stuff, but I found it funny. Not at all close to any sort of typical RomCom. Of course one disadvantage is that if you hate her voice, you will hear it a lot, and it will suck. But she is a mostly likable star, and has good chemistry with Evans (who is a bit less Douchey than he normally appears).

But hey. Slackers rejoice. And I will rate this as I feel fit!

This review was technically a request, but when it was requested, it had not come out yet. I had to quickly remind them that sure, I would review, but not for them! For myself, since I try to watch all new releases. Damn it. Besides, The Guard is the most interesting looking movie to me that is coming out soon. The rest are dirty no good horrors.

The only creepy thing about this movie is that it has Mad-Eye Moody, but without the Mad Eye.

The Guard is about a police officer in a small Irish town, played by Brendan Gleeson. I think that they call them Guards there, and not in a mean way. Since police officers in the US tend to be different than (security) guards. He is trying to just live a simple life, hating the city folk, and being an unconventional cop. He also loves himself some prostitutes. Loves em!

Eventually an American (from America!) in the form of Don Cheadle comes to their area, trying to stop an international cocaine drug ring. He is from the FBI, but no one seems to care in Ireland, despite a possible half a billion pounds of product on the line. He ends up teaming up with Gleeson, to try and stop and find the criminals.

Feel like that is a very vague outline, but honestly that is all it is about. Them two. There are other important characters too, but fuck them.

See what I did there?

I laughed a bunch in this movie. Sure, parts can be hard to understand, given the accents, but a lot of jokes stem from that as well. Lot of subtle humor too. Not much in the way of slapstick. Also some great “cultural misunderstandings” humor, especially Gleeson and his thoughts on who normally deal drugs in America.

The ending was interesting, and not as sure what happened there. Vague stuff is vague. The ending also seemed weirdly placed considering the rest of the movie, so there was that too.

Oh well, overall it is still pretty damn good.

Hey look, another movie about Trust. This time it is less subtle though.

“See, even I waited until Rapunzel was 18 before tappin’ that. This I cannot condone.” – Flynn

Story is like any other. Liana Liberato has a birthday for turning 14! She already likes to text, but he got her a new MacBook. And really, that’s where the problems start. Damn you Mac! She starts talking to some boy Charlie, who is a couple years older, and also into Volleyball. Gives her tips to train and make the team. Yay. She also likes him kind of now. Especially since he returned pictures. Too bad his phones camera doesn’t work for iChats or whatever. Also it turns out her is a sophomore in College. Also he lied about that. Now he is a grad student. Okay that is a lie too.

Through months of chatting though, she doesn’t care that much, but when she meets him at the mall and he is in his 30s or 40s. Well. That is kind of weird. Reluctantly, she goes with him, gets food, etc. And then, YOU KNOW what happens.

Needless to say, when her parents Catherine Keener and Clive Owen find out, they flip out. In completely different ways. The important to the movie scene happens a little less than halfway through it too. Not the conclusion. It happens quick. Instead the movie is more about the aftermath of it. How the girl thinks the guy loves her, her dads problems with anger and not trusting anyone, and the mom trying to fix everything.

Said creepy pedo is Chris Henry Coffey, and he hasn’t been in much, but he is sufficiently creepy. Jason Clarke is the FBI guy in charge of helping find him.

Apparently telling them to take a seat works both on predators and the predatorees.

Everyone does a pretty good job acting in the family. Especially the girl. Probably follows some sort of “Stages” after a trauma, but I don’t know that stuff. Clive reminded me of Russell Crowe, just wanted to go everywhere and fight everyone. Seemingly it had just the right level of creepiness to make you go “Wtf!” and keep watching.

As you all know, I really did not like Colombiana. It had almost every bad movie cliche in it, and it did it just to sell more tickets, and help dumben America. Or something. But when I was told that Salt is like the opposite of Colombiana, I was very skeptical. After all, it is Angelina Jolie, and she was Tomb Raider! She has always been an “action star” but I never really understood why. Especially since most of the roles she had played were based off her looks, not acting or fighting or shooting ability.

So someone who made a career of doing things I hated about movies, did the exact opposite in a movie? Yeah. I guess so.

Two Tomb Raiders for Two Movies.

Salt really is a film about trust and betrayal. That an hilarious misunderstandings, without the hilarity. Evelyn Salt is working for the US Government. A CIA spy or whatever.

Some Russian dude comes out of no where though. And wants to be taken in and tell his tale. So Salt interrogates him with Chiwetel Ejiofor, and he lets them know that Russia has spies in the US government that want to kill the President of the US and the President of Russia, to make a war. So who does he name? Salt of course! Salt freaks out, and from the wording of the Russian dude, also thinks her husband is at risk. All she wants to do is make sure he is okay, but the CIA said “nuh uh” to that. Can’t let her go now! Well she gets out anyways. Despite Liev Schreiber‘s best attempt to keep her contained.

So the movie is about Salt trying to find her husband, and figure out why that guy would say that? Is she actually born a russian spy and meant to kill the president? Is it some programming thing in her brain that will just go off, like Relax in Zoolander? Or is she being set up by Russia in order for another spy to carry out that mission? WHAT? TELL ME?

Oh damn it. You have to watch to find out. What is interesting in the movie is that they use the confusion well as a plot device. The viewer is never really sure who is the bad guy, just like Angelina Jolie isn’t sure either. Not until the climax is everything cleared out, you know, like a classic spy movie. Similarly, the shooting/escaping/fighting is really well done.

Salt is also not invincible. She gets knocked down, bleeds, gets hurt, but gets back up. None of this “oh I am so much better than all of you, let me kick yo ass!” stuff. Also! Angelina Jolie doesn’t do anything sexy in this movie. Zero. It relies entirely on plot twists and action to carry the movie, and some acting. No “lets get more guys to watch this” filler shit. Bonus points Jolie.

Pictured: Zero sex appeal.

I applaud this movie for focusing on an interesting movie first, and kind of realistic (still far from realistic, but realistic-er), and not resorting to all the cheap ploys to try and make more money. You should check it out too.

Margin Call is “inspired by a true story”, with that story being that financial crisis thing in 2008.

Now, I mention a lot that I am not an expert on blah topic that the movie is about, and this is definitely no different. Money things confuse me. With no basis whatsoever, I personally think if we just spend more money, the economy will be good. Done and done. Thankfully, to really appreciate this movie you do not have to be a financial expert. They do enough explaining to get the gist of the problem, but don’t focus on it. What is instead focused on is the human reactions and ethical dilemmas they now face.

What I’m trying to say is that this movie is a “thinker”.

The movie takes place over about 24 hours at an unnamed banking/investment company on Wall Street. A downsizing occurs, so unexpectedly a bunch of people lose their jobs, including Stanley Tucci, the head of the Risk Analysis team who has been with them for 19 years. He was almost done with a new project though, but they do not care. His phone is turned off, and sent out the door. Before he goes, he gives a flash drive to Zachary Qunito with the data and says to “Be Careful”.

Later that night all alone, he discovers something horrible. (Here comes the horrible at finances part). The equation they have been using for investments and potential gain has been wrong. The last few days it has been wrong. Everything is about to collapse on itself, but no one realizes it yet, except for him. What follows the rest of the night is a series of meetings and panic as the news travels up the company ladder. First to Penn Badgley, a guy who works with Quinto, to their higher ups Paul Bettany and Kevin Spacey. Then to their higher ups Demi Moore and Simon Baker. And finally the highest higher up, Jeremy Irons.

What happens in the movie is not just a series of “board meetings” or anything, but at least one occurs. Its the emotion roller coaster that the characters experiences as they first find out, almost everyone taking a different path. A few people only worry immediately about their own jobs, some worry about the company, some worry about everyone’s companies (psst, that is Spacey. He has morals!). Then again, some don’t care about any of that, and just getting the information out there and trying to fix it.

There is a lot of down time between the big important decisions, which allows the characters to break off into their group to discuss all the possible repercussions and really branch out their personalities. There’s also smaller sub plot of finding Stanley Tucci, to make sure he doesn’t tell anyone what’s up.

To which he pretty much responds, “Eat a big bag of dicks.”

I think as a general description, this movie sounds pretty boring. But all the actors do phenomenal jobs. No one really stood out as being a bad actor, at least. The discussions of money became more and more interesting, as the levels of those involved increased. Started out slow for me, but really finished strong. And it also made me mad. Damn you, banker people, for somehow messing up things that I still don’t necessarily understand.

Hold your horses everyone. ANOTHER Hollywood remake!? For shame. After all, the first Straw Dogs is only 40 years old. It should still be fresh and in everyone’s minds. Clearly Hollywood is running out of ideas, if it has to remake something only 40 years old. The NEW Straw Dogs will automatically suck, by comparison. It has things like credit cards in it!

It is also full of thievery and shame.

The other option is to ignore all of that.

Done! James Marsden and Kate Bosworth are traveling down south to the town where Kate used to live. It is a smaller community, not all hustlin’ and bustlin’ like the big cities up north. Which is good! She has an old place there, and he needs a quiet place to write a screenplay. They also want the roof of the shed/barn thing repaired, for some reason (even if they are there temporarily). A friend of Kates, played by Alexander Skarsgård, and his posse, agree to fix the roof.

Then crazy shit happens. And by crazy, I mean subtle annoyances between the two groups. Coming too early to start work. Leaving too early. Coming too late. Drinking their beers. Playing loud music.

This also makes Kate and James argue. Because James is a pussy who hates confrontation, and Kate is running around braless and “asking for it”. Which just leads her to flash seductively the crew (and oh yeah, that guy is her former ex). As expected, this leads to further elevation of conflict. A dead cat, bizarre hunting antics, and a rape or two.

“Or two?! Let’s calm down here. I am a one and done kind of guy.” – Flynn

There is also a side story involving James Woods (a high school football coach), his cheerleading daughter, and Dominic Purcell who plays “local retarded boy”. She has taken a fancy to him, which Woods is sourly against. The two plot lines accumulate by the end, to create a standoff where James Marsden finally breaks, and protects his family at all costs.

So, a lot of this film had me cringing in my seat. The violence at the end, rape in the middle, a scene where bone was shown coming out of the arm. When the final final scene happened, which also happened in the original, I half expected to hear someone yell “FATALITY!”, it was that crazy.

Personally, the reason I can’t rate this higher is because I know I probably won’t ever watch this again. Although an enjoyable experience, I wouldn’t want to see it more than once, which is a weird feeling.

From what I can tell, the differences between the two movies are: Going down South instead of North, less boobs in the rape scene (despite the fact that her boobs are pretty much visible throughout with her clothing choices), the guy is a writer not a mathematician, the violence was upped a bit, and it ends sooner. The first is based on a book though (And this one is based off the movie). That should have been done, because changing medias is fine.

But remakes never. After all, The Wizard of Oz and Scarface were both remakes, and they failed horribly because of it.

Maybe the problem is that it is too similar to the original still, and thus doesn’t warrant being made. But, if it had a lot different, people would bitch about it not being Straw Dogs. Lose lose.

Red. Another graphic novel turned movie. Or at least loosely based on the graphic novel. I have never read it, but I knew there was major nerdrage when it came out, comparing to the source (“They are nothing alike!! rawrrawrrage!” – Nerd). But eh, whatever. Loosely is fine. Wouldn’t want the story I just read to be identical to what is on screen. Consider it another chapter, and we are good to go.

Fun fact! This is the first “DC” movie to not be made via Warner Brros in anyway.

However, it definitely keeps its “comic” feel to it.

Red seems to stand for “Retired: Extremely Dangerous”, or at least it does in the movie. It is a classification given to a CIA/whatever operative after they are done, if they are supposed to be disposed of. A situation which Bruce Willis finds himself in. He just wanted to enjoy life, and chat with case worker assigned to him on the phone, Mary-Louise Parker. BUT ASSASSINS! Bruce realizes their formation makes them USA trained, so he has to figure out whats going on.

He tries to get his team back together, exceptionally crazy John Malkovich, more calm yet sexual Morgan Freeman, and deadly with a gun Helen Mirren. I came up with those descriptions myself, you’re welcome.

But that is not all the old people involved. Richard Dreyfuss is some sort of bad guy, I guess. And Karl Urban is a young gun at the CIA in charge of bring Bruce and his friends down.

Mary-Louise Parker just gets to run around, being bait, confused, and pretty.

The driving point for this movie is obviously an “older” group of people kicking ass, instead of some young muscled dude. We get to accept that all these people have been in their fair share of spy missions, so they are all clever and hopefully good at kicking ass. Which they are. The action scenes are very interesting. Some of which is just people shooting at each other (read: normal action movie action) but they raise the bar a lot.

John Malkovich is also fucking crazy.

Don’t worry, he shares some crazy with Morgan Freeman.

Almost every scene with Malkovich you will find yourself laughing or, you know, yelling “holy shit!” at something cool they had him do. The “roof scene” early on with him is one of my favorites in terms of action.

This movie thankfully picked up the slack from the rest of the movies I have seen this week. Even if it is nothing like the comic.

Dreamworks is known as the CGI-animation company that is not Pixar. More or less, everything Pixar does is instantly praised, while everything Dreamworks does is hated on. Sure, Pixar has more good movies, but damn it, Dreamworks has some good ones too.

Like the first Shrek. And Kung Fu Panda. The first one got about fifty sequels, the latter so far only has Kung Fu Panda 2. And it is more epic than the first.

But Kung Fu Panda also lead to the worst rip off in recent years.

The plot of the movie is similar to the first. Someone is kicking a lot of ass and is evil, and needs to be stopped. This time, instead of training montages and noodle shops, Po (Jack Black) starts out as a kick ass warrior. The dragon warrior! Which we all know he became later in the first film. Now we get to ignore all of that, and go straight into lots of fight scenes.

One of the central plots is that Po realizes the goose is not his real dad! Shocking, I know.His parents were killed as a boy and he was orphaned. Killed by who? A peacock. Or at least an evil peacock (Gary Oldman). While they originally thought his threat was dealt with, he has been hiding away, building an army of wolves and gorillas, and making a weapon that renders kung fu and other fighting types useless. (Its based on fireworks, aka pretty).

Speaking of pretty, the CGI in this movie is fantastic on Blu-Ray. Everything was wowable, and noticeably better than the effects in the first movie. In addition to the normal CGI, during flashbacks to Pos youth, they used a more traditional style of Asian cartoon work, and it was pretty damn nifty. I’d have liked it if the beginning had a story similar to the one Po made up in the first to open the film. Had some of the better lines.

The same gang from the first film is also back, Crane (David Cross), Mantis (Seth Rogen), Viper (Lucy Liu), Monkey (Jackie Chan) and Tigress (Angelina Jolie). I still don’t like Tigress though.

The end of the movie also does what a lot of movies try to do and fail. Give us both a full story, and set up a possible sequel. I have reviewed numerous movies that have focused more on setting up a sequel than giving a satisfactory ending. But this one does a nice job and I want there to be a Kung Fu Panda 3.

Oh don’t look so shocked Po. I will let you wait at least three years first.

Overall? The fight scenes are pretty great and creative. I am sure Chan had a lot of influence on how they were developed, since he has a knack for that sort of thing. They were also comedic enough to laugh without taking away the seriousness of the fights/plot. Everything was weaved together well, plot, action, backstory, effects. Just the “inner peace” plotline seemed forced. Or Po is just that awesome. Not sure.