Tag: 3 out of 4

Trance came out in theaters in late March, but apparently never came close to my area, so I had to wait until the DVD Release.

You’d think a college town would be able to justify more indie and lesser known releases. But then again, you’d think a college town would also have trivia nights at their bars.

More importantly, Trance was directed by Danny Boyle. Surely the man who did 28 Days Later…, 127 Hours, and Slumdog Millionaire has earned post-indie status by now.

When he rubs his temple that way, my mind feels raped. According to this movie, stealing art used to be easy. You kind of just pranced into a museum, took it and ran, then went home and hid. Shit gets stolen, and a museum gets fucked. Nowadays, it is way high tech and almost impossible without a huge plan to do it. Okay, that isn’t true. Just read the beginning of this Cracked article which states basically the opposite with facts.

But let’s say for this movie art is hard to steal. Simon (James McAvoy) works as a dude who protects art in case someone tries to steam them when they are getting stolen. Guess what. Some people try to steal a famous painting, Witches In The Air, valued at over $25 million.

Franck (Vincent Cassel) and his crew (including Danny Sapani) steal the shit out of that painting, while also knocking out Simon for trying to be a hero. But when they look at their new score, they find that the painting is gone. Shit. What did Simon do!?

Too bad Simon doesn’t remember what he did with the painting. The men who tried to steal it are pretty pissed off, and have tortured him and tore up all of his things. But still, he just does not remember.

So they get a hypnotist, Elizabeth (Rosario Dawson). However, when she begins to work her mind magic, she discovers secrets that none of the individuals thought possible.

Rosario Dawson shows a lot of her…acting talents in this movie. First things first, for you fucking perverts out there. Rosario Dawson for the first time is completely nude in this movie. Like full frontal, lower and upper, multiple times, no body double nude. She is also shaved. Which is relevant to the plot of the movie. I feel dirty saying all of that, but not really.

There are only three main characters in this movie, but Danny Boyle makes sure you have to work to earn the story. There are twists, there are turns, there are mind fucks. If you stop paying attention, you might not be able to keep up, so it really rewards those people who don’t have short attention spans. It assumes the watcher is intelligent, and will take you on an (often really loud) journey.

I think by the end the story might have gotten a bit too ahead of itself, making too many leaps and bounds. Despite that, it was still a great story, another fantastic movie from Danny Boyle, and another reason why I hate the local theaters.

3 out of 4.

Alright, look, I am sorry it took this long to review District 9.

Most have you have already seen it by now, I bet. Which is great. It was fantastic when I watched in theaters in 2009. Shit, that is like, four years ago. FOUR YEARS AGO PEOPLE. Fuck. It seems so new, even now. Still, I am reviewing it now for two reasons. One, Neill Blomkamp. District 9 was his first directed movie, and it is an indie one at that. Insane. More importantly, he has another movie coming out in a couple of weeks, Elysium, you might have heard of it.

Reason number two? I said I would review this movie once I finally rewatched it again. Needless to say, that shit took awhile.

Yeah. Aliens AND politics. My kind of entertainment! You already know this is a positive review, look how highly I talked about it before.

This takes place in modern day time, 2010 or so, but in an alternative history. South Africa has always been known for its rambunctious nature and high levels of racism. But did you know in 1982 an Alien Spaceship landed above Johannesburg? Of course not, it is a movie, ffs.

Well, they checked out the ship that wasn’t attacking them and found hundreds of malnourished aliens on board that they now call Prawns, a racial slur against them. They were put into a government campsite outside of Johannesburg, named District 9 and given tiny shacks and junk yards to live in. There is constant pressure from those in Johannesburg, who hate the shit out of them, and internal struggles in their poor neighborhoods, so eventually the government wants them to be moved.

These aliens have rights though. They have to be evicted first, before they can be put in a new location much farther away (And a lot more shittier).

Wikus Van De Merwe (Sharlto Copley), a random bureaucrat, has been assigned to give the notices. There is a lot of eyes watching the process, to make sure they don’t harass the prawns, so many news organizations have sent representatives. They also have a small armed force, lead by Koobus Venter (David James). But what happens when they find more than just a few homes smuggling alien weaponry, and discover something even bigger is forming?

Even more quizzical, what happens when they discover the black goop?

The feels. The feels. Oh my goodness, the feels.

One thing I certainly forgot in the four years since I saw this movie in theaters? It is kind of gross. The attention to detail is high, and that leads to some cringe worthy scenarios in my stomach area. Lot of violence. People die. Aliens die. People die in weird ways. Other things happen that are gross that I can’t really describe without spoilers. But seriously, gross gross gross.

However, at the same time, it is just so fucking well done. The plot, the intrigue, and the acting. Only one actor really matters in this movie, good ole Sharlto, who had basically his first role with this film. He carries it on his back, despite being a big unknown. Especially when a lot of the movie deals with him interacting with aliens and Nigerians, he really stands out (racist?).

However, there is one thing that keeps me from giving it a 4. Part of the reason I would give a 4 comes from rewatchability. I can watch a great movie, and love its acting, but if I don’t think I would want to watch it again in a few years, it can’t be a 4 for me. Now, this one took me about three years to finally watch after buying it, which is a huge amount of time. I didn’t finally watch it because I wanted to, just had to before Elysium.

So, with that, that explains the 3. Very good, watch it at least once and be happy.

3 out of 4.

Hey, did you read my review of Quartet? Probably not. Well, long story short, it wasn’t good.

I also noted my confusion over thinking it was a different film, called A Late Quartet. Realizing there were two different films of similar themes and titles around the same time cleared up all my confusion. It totally isn’t my fault I thought they were the same thing, but I will take the blame like a real pseudo-anonymous internet person.

It is dvdsreleasedates.com‘s fault, I swear! I am innocent!

The Fugue Quartet is a pretty big deal. That is two violins, a viola, and a cello, for you music noobs out there. For those music experts, they are also a made up quartet, so don’t go looking for them. They were made decades earlier, and have been kicking ass for a long time.

But poor Peter Mitchell (Christopher Walken), the quartet’s founder and cellist. But he is developing Parkinson’s disease, so his playing days and living days are both soon to be over. After telling the group, certain issues and drama arise, which can break apart the very fabric of the group.

Robert (Philip Seymour Hoffman) and Juliette (Catherine Keener), second violin and viola, met via the group, fell in love, got married, and had a daughter Alexandra (Imogen Poots). Well, Robert is thinking about asking the group if the two violinists can split shift their duties, apparently a big no no in music groups. Even worse, his wife thinking the other dude is better than him.

The other dude being Daniel Lerner (Mark Ivanir) a very talented violinist, who they get to also teach Alexandra some tips while she finishes high school. Unfortunately, he decides to give her a different, extra tip.

Can they find a replacement for Peter? Can love survive the marriage or the strange agely different affair? Can Daniel let Robert play some better violin? WILL THE EARTH CRASH AND BURN FIRST? Why is Wallace Shawn in this movie?!

They are about to perform? MY BODY IS READY!

What happens when you take four incredible actors and make them act in a movie? You get good acting! Okay, I never heard of Mark Ivanir before, but he was just as vital and good in this movie as the other big three.

For Christopher Walken, he is still in tons of movies, but it seems more often than not they are making him play a joke version of his actual self. It gets kind of annoying, and you can tell he isn’t trying too hard. In this film, he gets to play a real role and act, and does it well. He had a very emotional moment near the end in particular.

Philip Seymour Hoffman had to play a man realizing he isn’t the best, and that everyone around him knows it. He doesn’t want to be the best second violinist in the world, he wants to lead the group darn it.

Catherine Keener had an amazing scene with Imogen Poots, mother to daughter, and it was so shockingly realistic, it hurt me so.

This movie lets classical music be the back drop and score, making it a bit fancy. It also created an atmosphere making the viewer feel as if they have known the group their whole lives, instantly knowing everyone personally.

More importantly, it shows the group playing music as well. Quartet didn’t really show the people singing. Obviously the actors didn’t play the songs themselves, but it looked like it. We didn’t just get a big tease for a grand show, and then you know, not get it. Fucking Quartet.

3 out of 4.

Giant Robots Fighting Giant Monsters.

That should be a good enough review for this movie.

If you are like me, the first time you heard about Pacific Rim (Trailer) you bounced around with joy. Sure, some of you maybe bounced on the subject matter alone, which is fine. But I was even more excited about the fact that Guillermo del Toro was set to direct the film. Guillermo means quality in Spanish, I am pretty sure. Just examine the last two films he directed! Hellboy II? Pan’s Labyrinth? This guy knows how to tell a story, while also kicking major ass.

Spoilers: These robots are here to fuck shit up. Monster shit. In the year 2025, we are currently in the twelfth year of fighting the Kaiju. Kaiju are larger than life mythical beasts that come from a dimensional portal at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. The first one to appear took over five days to kill while it rampaged the California coast. The world realized it would have to stop fighting and work together to stop this threat from taking over completely, which started the Jaeger program.

The Jaegers are giant robots equal to the size of the Kaiju that can be deployed to fight the beasts before they cause more harm. Initially they prove to be quite successful, but the Kaiju have started to appear in increasingly shorter intervals, bigger and badder than before.

Raleigh Becket (Charlie Hunnam) used to be a great pilot with his brother. Five years prior, a Kaiju took his brother’s life, so he left the program to become a drifter. Shockingly, the UN is thinking of abandoning their Jaeger program due to the amount of Jaegers that are now getting destroyed. Their idea is to build a giant coastal wall to keep them out (very dumb). With only few months left of funding, Marshall Stacker Pentecost (Idris Elba) brings Raleigh back in to the fold to attempt one last shot at ending this thing once and for all.

Damn, that was a really good plot description. But there are many more people who have important roles in this movie. Rinko Kikuchi is Raleigh’s new partner once he returns to the Jaeger program. Max Martini and Robert Kazinsky play a father/son pilot team who run the fabled Striker Eureka, the fastest Jaeger made. Charlie Day and Burn Gorman are the main two scientists working on solving the Kaiju problem, a biologist and a mathematician respectfully. Finally, Clifton Collins Jr. is the main control room operator for the operation, and Ron Perlman a black market Kaiju flesh dealer.

Spoilers: There is no giant version of this monster unfortunately. If you don’t like the idea of giant robots fighting giant monsters then I really don’t think you will enjoy this movie. Because the movie gives you exactly that, and just a little bit more.

First off, if you are going to see Pacific Rim (Which you should!), you should watch it in 3D. The fight scenes were so incredible, I thought my eyes would melt. The second fight scene in Hong Kong is probably the sexiest thing I have seen in film this year. They were filmed with 3D cameras, so you don’t have to worry about blurriness mucking up the great action.

The Hong Kong fight is actually better than the fight at the climax of the film. Some would consider that to be a big problem, but I can easily forgive it. The final fight gets points for taking place in a different environment from the rest of the film.

I love the casting choices in the film, in that most of the people are not big named stars. This really allowed the viewer to get involved with the story and not get distracted by the eyes of someone like Brad Pitt.

Sure, there are a few weak plot points, and the acting isn’t always top notch, but the stunning visuals, well choreographed fights, and complete bad-assery from start to finish well make up for it. My biggest plot complaints really come from what was NOT said by a few characters. I was disappointed that the movie didn’t delve deeper into some of the ethical implications brought upon by certain actions, but really, that just allows a sequel/prequel to ask those questions later.

Please. Give Guillermo del Toro your money. Go see Pacific Rim.

3 out of 4.

I’d argue that there are two really “big” coming of age indie movies competing for top dog status this summer. The bigger of the two is The Way, Way Back, as it was written by the same guys who brought us The Descendants a couple years ago. The lesser known movie is The Kings of Summer, written by Chris Galletta, who is writing his first movie.

If you are surprised that we have a first time movie writer, stop it. They are called indie films for a reason.

Indie films tend to include forest dance scenes and drum solos, right? Being in high school can suck. Why? Well, your life is changing, you feel like an adult, but you still live with your parents. You just might lash out against your parents. Like Joe (Nick Robinson). His mom died a long time ago, and his dad (Nick Offerman) is now dating. He is also a bastard and has become very strict in his single parent raising. His sister (Alison Brie) has already moved on, but he is stuck with him for at least three years more.

Patrick (Gabriel Brasso, from The Big C) has a different problem. His parents (Marc Evan Jackson, Megan Mullally) are over bearing. Not in any mean way, just nice. Way too nice. Really fucking nice. Also they are ridiculous, it is just hard to feel alive under their care.

Eventually, Joe has the idea to build a house in the woods. Not just some lame tree house either. A real house, with two stories, multiple rooms, and they can live there, by their own rules, live like MEN. You know, hunt their own food, boil their own water, the whole nine yards. Biaggio (Moises Arias) is there too, neither of them really know him, but they are afraid to tell him to leave.

We have a few kids, building a house in the woods, and attempting to live on their own. They of course will also discover a bit about themselves, their family, and maybe what it means to be a man. Potentially with the help of Kelly (Erin Moriarty), a fellow high school buddy. We also have Mary Lynn Rajskub (most well known as Heartfire from season 4 of Arrested Development) and Thomas Middleditch as the head cops on the missing kids case.

The race to grow the best pedo-stashe is on. Coming of age films tend to be hit or miss with me. They are popular for both indie and mainstream movies, so to have a great one nowadays, you really have to offer up something new. Not just another misunderstood kid with big dreams.

The Kings of Summer takes the running away story, and well, runs away with it. For the first time movie writer, his dialogue was pretty top notch. Full of memorable quotes, I found myself looking for a piece of paper in the theater just to write some of the absurdly funny things I heard.

Witty comedy doesn’t make a complete film however, so the plot has to also stand on its own. I was afraid I would be dealing with a lot of teens who thought they were god’s gift to suburbia, the standard definition of first world problems. Thankfully, I found myself agreeing with Patrick and Joe, at least a little bit, and thought leaving home made sense for both characters.

It wasn’t perfect though. No, I would have changed the ending a lot. It was a bit too cliche at that point, which made it feel off from the rest of the movie. I am also pissed off by the romance element in the film, although it is more at the naivety of youth, and not for being actually bad. In other words, it hurt me square in the feels.

But despite that, The Kings Of Summer is wickedly funny and unique. For sure, it is worthy of at least one viewing, if not two in your summer line up.

3 out of 4.

Sync up your William Tell Overture Finale folks, it’s The Lone Ranger time.

Although I never listened to the original radio series, or watched the TV series, or other movies, The Lone Ranger himself is pretty ingrained in American Pop Culture. A hero to the old American West, and a franchise that Jerry Bruckheimer has decided to take under his wing. After all, if it proves to be a success, he could release a new Ranger movie every three years, similar to his current Pirates of the Caribbean trek. Just think of how much money Johnny Depp will make from both franchises, too.

If explosions were dollar bills…

In Colby, Texas, the great American Railroad is coming through, bringing prosperity and happiness to the small town. Their goal is to connect the East with the West. John Reid (Armie Hammer), a district attorney from the big cities, is returning to his hometown to reconnect with his brother and brother’s wife, Rebecca (Ruth Wislon).

What poor John did not know, is that also on that train was famed bandit cannibal Butch Cavendish (William Fichtner), who is finally going to be hanged for his crime. There is also this Indian named Tonto (Johnny Depp), but he is a bit more mysterious. After a train robbery, Butch is back on the run, and it is up to John Reid, his brother, and a gang of lawmen to bring him back for justice.

Until something goes wrong. Terribly, deadly wrong. Somehow, John is saved, and Tonto explains to him that he is a spirit walker, who cannot be killed according to his beliefs. Tonto also wants to bring Butch to justice, so they team up to right wrongs and save the day! Speaking of trains, Tom Wilkinson plays Cole, the railroad tycoon, and Helena Bonham Carter a bordello mistress. Fun fact, this is the first time Carter and Depp have been in a film together that was not directed by Tim Burton.

It is also the first time Depp has worked with this horse.

After watching The Lone Ranger, I really just want to listen to famous, old classical music. Major props to Hans Zimmer for rocking out another great movie soundtrack, something I don’t bring up a lot in my reviews.

I will start with the negatives first. This movie is 149 minutes long. What! A lot of the film is set up, in order to introduce us to the character before he dons the mask, a little bit about Tonto, and a whole lot about his brother and his old town. It is necessary, I guess, but it could have easily been shortened. The film uses the method of unreliable narrator, as a much older Tonto is telling the story on how he first met John. The idea itself is a neat one (and allows for more crazy situations) but the method of delivery just feels hokey to me.

Thankfully, the positives far outweigh the negatives. Hammer and Depp have great chemistry. Tonto is not just a secondary character but an equally important one. They have the appropriate throw backs to the original series while also doing their own thing.

But the best part of the movie is by far the climactic train ending. The final chase is incredibly long, but so meticulously planned and detailed that it was hard to stop smiling the entire time. The director had many gorgeous shots of the landscape, like a classic western, including setting parts of it in the Monument Valley as a different type of throwback.

The movie will also give you plenty of screen time with Armie Hammer, who is currently rumored to be the new Ant-Man or Dr. Strange, upcoming heroes/movies Phase 3 of the Marvel Universe.

Although this film has had many negative reviews, I’d say give it a chance. Especially if you have three hours (movie and preview) to waste on these hot summer nights.

 

3 out of 4.

Happy America Day, for Americans! I had my review of White House Down yesterday, because sometimes there are better things movies to do for a day such as this.

God. Bless. America.

Maybe the movie was chosen on the title alone. Maybe the movie has nothing to do with extreme patriotism, and it is going for irony? We will just have to wait and see.

Well, it certainly looks American so far.

Life is raining down shit on Frank (Joel Murray). He is divorced, his kid doesn’t want to visit him, he works entirely with mouth breathers, he has brain cancer, and there is nothing intelligent on TV. I wrote about those things in order from least important to most important. But seriously. TV is the worse. All singing competitions making fun of special needs people. People like Steven Clark (Aris Alvarado) who will be the unfortunate talk of the movie for being a bad singer.

We got reality shows, “news shows” that belittle their guests and are just mean. But lets not forget bratty teenage girls. The. Fucking. Worst. Like what his daughter will probably be.

These bitches all just deserve to die. Especially before Frank.

So Frank goes and kills a teenage girl.

He does this in front of Roxy (Tara Lynne Barr), another sixteen year old girl, who thinks it is basically the best thing ever. But he shouldn’t stop there. No. They need to rid the world of everyone who is lame. Like people who say rockstar. Or give high fives. He just dislikes people who are mean. They are the real ones who need to get shot.

Like mother fuckers who talk in the movie theaters. The worst of the worst.

Or people who profit billions by making fun of bad singers on television and just being unlikable assholes. Yeah. Let’s make that the main goal.

Mission Accomplished.

If anything, I can say that God Bless America is definitely an experience unlike one you have ever…experienced before. From start to finish, I was both surprised and taken aback at the lengths that the Frank and Roxy went through to just deliver a little bit of justice.

Sure. You could argue that this movie was made just as a long long rant by the writer/director. Frank goes on many monologues about what is wrong with society, and they go to great lengths to show you all the worst aspects of TV and put you on par with the character. People might get annoyed, but I found myself captivated by the dialogue.

The violence is also pretty great. Sure, most of them are just people getting shot with guns, but some are done in quite creative ways.

There are negatives, sure. The ending was a bit more anticlimatic, in terms of how it was filmed, not the result. It just seemed a lot less epic than I would have thought (which could be on purpose). I might be a bit disappointed that not enough people died in their spree either. But I am just a violent American, so that doesn’t matter.

Either way. Go America, go Independence, go this movie.

3 out of 4.

Some people enjoy eating competitions, fireworks, and BBQs for their Fourth of July celebrations. Not me. As a heavy movie consumer, I tend to spend a lot of time watching patriotic movies. You know which ones I am talking about. The kind that cause you to get out of your chair and start chanting U-S-A at the top of your lungs, or maybe even run down your street with an American flag (usually reserved for the Olympics). I am talking about the big heavy hitters, like Top Gun, Rocky IV, The Mighty Ducks II, Red Dawn, and of course Independence Day.

Which is why I’m glad we have new movies coming out around the same time as the festivities, that only want to help us express that pride we have deep down inside ourselves. What is more patriotic than a movie involving an attack on the White House, by Americans, for Americans? My fellow Americans, I give you, White House Down (Trailer).

(PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA-PA)
“I’M SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER MY FREEDOM BULLETS!” – Tatum

The movie takes place in a time when America is dealing with a lot of conflict in the Middle East. AKA, modern day America. President James Sawyer (Jamie Foxx) wants to be a great man and known forever in history. He has decided to pull all of the troops out of the Middle East and also offer up a peace treaty for around twenty countries in that area. It is a pretty bold move that has a lot of people angry, including the vice president who will quit if it goes through.

John Cale (Channing Tatum) might not think too highly of the new order either, after all, he served three tours in Iraq/Afghanistan himself. But now he is back to living in DC, working as a body guard for the Speaker of the House (Richard Jenkins). His dream is to work for the secret service, the highest honor in the land, especially since his daughter Emily (Joey King) is obsessed with politics, and he wants to get back on her good graces.

But while on a tour at the White house (lead by Nicolas Wright), a bomb explodes on the Capital building, putting most of DC on lock down. Too bad a group of mercenaries have all infiltrated the White House to take the president prisoner. Why you might ask? Plenty of reasons, just pick one. Surely it isn’t just for money though. Either way, it is time for John Cale to prove himself capable of being a member of the Presidential Guard, or else there might not be a country to save.

We also have Maggie Gylenhaal as a head secret service agent, James Woods as the Head of the Presidential Detail, Jimmi Simpson as a big bad hacker, and Jason Clarke as a mad mad mercenary.

Yep. Everyone in this picture will kill someone by the movies end. For America.

I am not allowed to review White House Down without mentioning Olympus Has Fallen, which I loved. It had great action, it was tense, but it still had its weak moments. Olympus Has Fallen was a much more serious film, whereas White House Down is going for Action/Comedy and is much closer to being a Die Hard variant. It isn’t rated  but even the smallest details seem to be throw backs to Die Hard. Just look at Tatum himself. His garb mimics Bruce Willis in the first film, with the white tank top and ruffled hair as seen here.

Roland Emmerich is used to bigger disaster films, so I am surprised he was able to contain the destruction to basically only two buildings. Despite the small scale, I found myself at the edge of my seat as Tatum and Foxx were running around the White House trying to be action stars. Foxx’s character wasn’t as much of a bad ass, as he is the President, but he has a few moments.

But here is what I didn’t like. The run time is over two hours, far too long for this kind of movie. I think the main problem lies in the pre-explosion intro, which dragged on and on, trying to set up everyone’s story. None of the twists are really too surprising, as it fits a very common formula. I didn’t see the last twist coming, only because a twist there felt nonsensical. The final twist was also a bit rushed and a bit anti-climatic.

Regardless, I am willing to state that both White House invasion films from 2013 are probably worthy of a watch, at least once. This one has a limo chase seen on the presidential lawn, while Olympus Has Fallen has a limo fall into an icy river of death. The difference in limo usage probably highlights the main differences in the films. I wouldn’t describe this as a “dumber” version of OHF like other critics, but it definitely takes itself less seriously.

I am looking forward to 2014 when I get to see two versions of Hercules. (Hint: You can already tell which one will be better).

 

3 out of 4.

I will say this right up front: I was not looking forward to Monsters University at all. First off, I thought the first film, Monsters Inc. was only okay. More importantly, I think doing prequels is generally very lazy writing. Monsters Inc. gave us not only a lot of character development, but also entire society development. Doing a prequel basically says fuck you, we are going to ignore all of that change and go back to the original ideas from our movie instead.

This is also Pixar‘s first attempt at a “college” movie, and what better way to parody all of the college movie stereotypes by using monsters?

I am starting to think that purple dude on the left is just a manifestation of the other guys mustache. Monsters University takes place when our heroes are freshmen in college at (you guessed it), Monsters University. There is more than one college in the area, don’t worry, the boring sounding one is just the one they both picked. Mike (Billy Crystal) wanted to go there his whole life to train to become a Scarer, while Sully (John Goodman) was basically bred to be a  Scarer like his famous father.

Basically, Sully gets to be the jock that has everything handed to him, but he doesn’t take it seriously, so he does really bad on all the tests. Mike is not scary at all, but he studies enough, so he knows everything to do in every situation! Classic nerd. Either way, both of them get into hot water when their constant bickering gets them kicked out of the Scarer program. Dean Hardscrabble (Helen Mirren) isn’t fucking around. She is also terrifying by the way.

This forces our heroes to join the “lame frat” on campus, having to turn a group of losers into the scariest monsters in school, in order to get back on their career track to be the best Scarer team Monstropolis has ever seen. A lot of famous people voice random monsters in this movie too. Steve Buscemi returns to his role from the previous film, but we also have new comers with Charlie Day and Aubrey Plaza.

Seriously, check this bitch out. Dragon wings to fly and centipede body for cackling down a hall. Utterly terrifying. Originally I was going to ignore the first film for this review, to try and go in watching it as neutral as possible, but it turns out, I actually liked Monsters University more than Monsters Inc. Maybe it is the subject matter (College, yay!), or maybe it is actually just a better structured film overall.

Obviously we know that somehow our heroes will end up coming out on top by the end of the film, because “Monsters Inc.” has already happened, and they are clearly Scarers. What we don’t know, is just how twisted and strange that journey actually ended up being. I was shocked at the clever ways the story developed, while also maintaining a parody vibe in relation to other famous college movies.

What did bug me was the ending. It felt like it dragged on near the end, so I found myself getting a little bit fidgety, hoping it would get to the point. It wasn’t as bad as the ending to The Lord Of The Rings: The Return of the King, but it still took its time at the finish line.

I also think they did a poor job of showing that there are other majors and departments in the university outside of fields related to Scaring. After all, in Monstropolis, Scaring is just one job profession, and they still have scientists, mathematicians, historians, and all of that, but the only classes that ended up getting shown related to Scaring. Sure, they had a dancing major, but outside of a casual mention, they could have shown a quick clip of a class. They even mentioned scaring in their school song. Now imagine a university doing that with just one department, like Physics. Pretty messed up yo.

3 out of 4.

Stoker is a movie I had to wait four months to see. It didn’t come to the local theaters, not even the ones an hour away. I was pretty disappointed, because the trailer not only looked really friggan awesome, but it was an original story. That’s right. It was not based on a book, a play, a short, nothing. Just an original movie that looked creepy and sexy.

I wanted it so bad. But I had to wait for the DVD release date. I also wanted to see it on Blu-Ray, but I missed out on that opportunity as well. Damn.

I couldn’t find the better shot where you could see her eye through the scope. I have failed the internet.

Death death death! The movie begins with the death of a father. Car crash, a few states away, burning to death. Very gruesome, very tragic. India Stoker (Mia Wasikowska) just turned 18 as well, and is kind of all sorts of distraught. She is like, seriously fucked up over this. Big sad times.

Her mom Evelyn (Nicole Kidman) is a dirty little whore. Okay, that is harsh. But still, her husband just died, who she hasn’t been intimate in awhile, and after the funeral she invites the mysterious brother, Charles Stoker (Matthew Goode) to live with them. That is pretty soon, you are a widow, you should be grieving.

Well, Charles is kind of a creepy guy. He stares a lot, right into your soul basically. He stares so fucking hard. India is uncomfortable around him too, and for good reason. Charles has many secrets of his own. But maybe India will like his secrets once he makes his intentions clear?

Also, Alden Ehrenreich has a small ish role in this movie, and he is basically the opposite of his role in Beautiful Creatures. It made me hate him a lot.

I guess, to be fair, she stares just as creepily as he does.

Woo! What a sexy movie, in a creepy way. Let me reiterate how disappointed I am that I didn’t get to see this movie on Blu-Ray, it would have been even sexier looking. The cinematography is fantastic in this film, in all ways. Camera angles, the way the camera moves around the scene, and the way scenes morphed from scene to scene. There was a scene that had a close up of Kidman’s red hair, that transformed into a grassy field, and I almost flipped a shit. It was such a good transition.

The acting is great in this film too, with only a few characters it is not too hard. Nicole Kidman’s character was just ridiculously flustered the whole time, Matthew Goode and Mia Wasikowska were both different levels of creepy.

I do think this film lacked a little bit. It was slow at parts, and not as life changing as I would hope. It was incredibly well done, but not over the top well done that I set it up for. So maybe that was my fault. But I don’t think if I went in completely blind it would be a 4 out of 4, still a 3 out of 4.

Too much talk, not enough ending to the review. Check it out. But it is obviously a dark movie. I loved the ending too.

3 out of 4.