Tag: 3 out of 4

There is no Deus here, no, we just got the Ex Machina.

In case you didn’t know, Deus Ex Machina (god from the machine) is a plot device where some outside force just kind of appears, fixes the issue, and leaves. It is usually a badly written plot device, Greece/Roman plays are full of these types of things where literally the gods came down and did some stuff.

And just to reiterate, this movie is the phrase without the god part. So just “From the Machine”. A movie about robots.

Maybe even robots kind of just appearing, fixing the issue, and leaving. That’d be swell.

I don’t think I can bore up this intro anymore so I should just get right to it!

Put on your thinking face and get to movie watching.

To err is human. To compute is robot.

Humans and robots don’t really interact nowadays on any level that isn’t a slave/owner relationship. Right now, robots have it rough.

Related, Caleb (Domhnall Gleeson) totally just won a prize. He is a coder for Bluebook, the Google of this movie, and he has won a week to spend with their reclusive CEO on his giant resort island thing. Nathan (Oscar Isaac), the CEO, has turned his home into a secret underground facility, to test out new technologies and prepare for the next big technical revolution and he is very secretive.

Nathan wants Caleb to perform the Turing test on something he is working on. In the test, a human asks a robot questions, without knowing whether they are talking to a human or a robot. And if the human cannot determine what it is, the robot/AI passes the test! But err, knowing you are doing that kind of ruins the point you would think. Hell, being introduce to Ava (Alicia Vikander), and seeing her in a robot body also probably puts a hamper on the basics for the test.

Maybe. JUST MAYBE. There is more going on in this facility that Nathan isn’t telling Caleb. Maybe things are more than just the Turing test. Maybe! Who knows? That Asian maid, Kyoko (Sonoya Mizuno) who doesn’t know English and is the only other person in the whole facility? Yeah, probably. Bet she has seen some shit.

If you thought the elevator scene from Captain America was bad ass, wait til you see this action fest!

I think Ex Machina is the type of movie you just want to watch with someone else. There are a lot of themes present, and since I watch the majority of my movies alone, the only people I can talk about those themes with are you guys.

But then I’d be a silly spoil sport.

Instead, let me instead make sure you realize this is a sci-fi drama. That means we are going to have a lot of talking and not a lot of action, and I wouldn’t want you to go into this thinking otherwise (like a dumb ass).

The discussions and the twists that went into the film were pretty enjoyable. I went in assuming I would be able to see everything coming a mile away and I think that most of my predictions did not end up coming true. So it is great to see it not go down the obvious path.

The three main actors involved all did an excellent job. It is now expected of Isaac to provide quality, but Gleeson is still not super tested and Vikander of course is out of nowhere (in comparison). The story the film tells can be interpreted in several different ways, depending on who is watching the film, which will provide excellent discussions.

At the end, I felt as though it was still a bit too slow and not as grandiose as I had expected. That is of course my fault, not the films. Ex Machina is a wonderful addition to the Sci-Fi genre and one loves of that and drama should definitely seek out.

3 out of 4.

You could say that the Russians are kind of good at hockey.

Not Canada good, but really high up there. In fact, during the Cold War, their national hockey team was the pride of their country. It helped that they had a literal national school to foster players into the team, to practice all the time and become the very best. Like no one ever was. And to beat them in 1980 was our greatest test. Freedom was our cause.

Okay, no more pokemon references.

Either way, they were a dominant team and often seen as a villain of the hockey world, mostly due to the fact that we leave in America and they were communists and communists were/are bad.

But what history fails to teach over and over again is that on the other side, there are also people. People who are playing for their country, for their families, for the joy of the game. And in the Red Army documentary, we get to hear from those players their stories and how everything went down.

Here are the original Russian Five and boy, are they FABULOUUUUUS!

For the most part, the stories told are told by Slava Fetisov, famed young defensemen for the Red Army, who later became the captain of the National team, outscoring most of the forwards and leading them to a couple of gold cup medals. He has also had a bit of a tragic life trying to get OUT of the Soviet Union, where coaches and government officials promised he could go to the NHL and you know, changing their minds.

The plight of their hockey players mirrors the plight of a lot of their citizens in the last 10-20 years of the Cold War before Russia became Russia again.

And it felt kind of awesome hearing their side of the story. The other half of the coin is usually fascinating, and frankly one sided history is boring.

I was a bit confused at first that they had multiple different interviews with Fetisov, so he was wearing different outfits and not having glasses, made me think it was a different player a few times.

But more importantly, the film also touched on the Russian Five 2.0, which played for the Red Wings, the best organization in all of professional sports. It got me pumped about the team despite their playoff loss, and also didn’t get me all sad about the car crash following the cup victory. They didn’t mention it at all!

Go hockey, hockey, the greatest game in the land.

3 out of 4.

Fuck. Yes. Entourage.

When the TV Show ended four years ago with its shorter season there were rumors aplenty that the gang would all come back for a movie. We thought it would happen sooner than four years, but hey, whatever.

Did the TV Show need more? Honestly, I don’t remember. The show is extremely easy to binge watch due to both season length and show length. I remember doing the first four seasons in only 2-3 days when I decided to start the show. I remember actually very little about the show in terms of where any of the characters are at the end. I remember Matt Damon was there, and Toto too!

Well, let’s just say that if this movie ends up being any amount of good, I will have to rewatch the show.

This is their last hurrah to make me think Piven can actually act again.

The boys are back, as this movie takes place literally 9 or so days after the end of the TV show. So hope you remember what is going on.

Vince (Adrian Grenier) is already divorced, Johnny Drama’s (Kevin Dillon) show is cancelled, Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) made some ungodly amounts of money from his tequila business, and E (Kevin Connolly) is still…an agent or whatever.

But not everything is the same. Ari Gold (Jeremy Piven) did what everyone expected of him. He came out of retirement and took the job. And he has a new movie for Vince. The only issue is, Vince wants his next project to be something special. He wants a part in it for his brother of course. But he also wants to direct it.

So now, months later, Vince is directing and starring in a very expensive futuristic movie. It is Ari’s first potential groundbreaking moment as a head of a company. It is Drama’s chance at an…Oscar? Only way anything good happens is if they can actually finish the dang thing with budget and time constraints. But you know the gang. They got this, just like they got Medellin.

But it isn’t just about them. We have new comers! Like Billy Bob Thornton playing a Texan financier of movies and his young asshole son played by Haley Joel Osment. And and we have Ronda Rousey and Emily Ratajkowski, both playing themselves. So this is probably an improvement for Ronda’s past roles.

Of course we have a slew of returning cast members. Rhys Coiro, Alan Dale, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Perrey Reeves, Debi Mazar, and of course, Rex Lee. And more! But half the fun is finding out, isn’t it?

First Tusk, now this? Call the Facial Hair Police, we got a repeat offender!

The Entourage movie feels like it is an extension of the TV show. Same level of quality, same style of jokes, same characters. If I had to describe it differently, because you asked, I would say it is like a 4 episode mini season, smashed together so you don’t have to wait 3 weeks to watch it all. And frankly, that can be considered a good and a bad. Because if it doesn’t feel like a movie, why make it a movie? Why not actually just give us a new season? Because it is already a pretty raunchy HBO show, it isn’t like there is more they can do in a movie that they couldn’t do in the TV show. I doubt the budget was that different for this movie either.

So, why the movie? I don’t know. Probably because why not.

All of the characters are the same, including the mostly useless Turtle, whose arc in this film is pretty significant. No, this is about the other 3 members of the Entourage and Ari Gold. And also about how amusing Haley Joel Osment is playing a Texan with an accent and an attitude. He made me giggle like a school girl.

Basically, I would say this movie is worth it just so you can get even more Ari Gold time, clearly one of the greatest television characters ever made. And maybe a little bit of Johnny Drama redemption.

Overall, this has been a lot of words about something you already figured out. If you liked the TV show, you are going to like the movie and probably like that too. If you watched the TV show and didn’t like it, you probably won’t like the movie. And if you never watched the TV show, you have no reason to watch the movie.

Anyways. Fuck. I think I have to go rewatch the show now.

3 out of 4.

Get out of the way, motherfuckers. We got a GEOLOGY MOVIE to talk about. YEAHHH.

Sure, as a professional (in the case that I make fat stacks of cash), geo-scientists, I could use these movies to bemoan the lack of good science in film and to talk about everything that they got wrong. But in reality, Geologists don’t give a fuck and love the shitty geoscience movies. (Honestly, this could be true for most scientists, but I am not them so I don’t know). We haven’t had a decent CGI science fest in awhile though, mostly stuck with crappy intentionally bad movies which aren’t as fun.

BUT EARTHQUAKES ARE CLEARLY MUCH COOLER. So in San Andreas we should get shit breaking apart, people freaking out, presumably parts of California drifting off to sea. I can only hope. This is a geo-nightmare! One I am fully ready to embrace.

And if you came in here expecting a GTA movie, then get the fuck out of here right now.

We don’t have time for any more wise cracks.

In California, if your life is in danger, there is only one man you want to save your life. Ray (Dwayne Johnson) and his helicopter crew met and flew together in Afghanistan and now work for the LA Fire Department and rescue people everywhere all the time like the polished rocks they are.

But not everything is smooth in his life. No, cracks are forming in his personal life. His wife, Emma (Carla Gugino) wants a divorce. Their lives haven’t been the same since they lost a daughter in a drowning accident. At least they still have one more, their family bubble not completely eroded, in Blake (Alexandra Daddario). Emma is about to move in with Daniel (Ioan Gruffudd) who has a much more solid foundation. A famous architecht, rich.

But fuck all that. Earthquakes. The team at CalTech, lead by of course seismologist Dr. Lawrence (Paul Giamatti) and Dr. Kim Park (Will Yun Lee) have been testing out a hypothesis that will allow them to predict earthquakes. Thankfully in Nevada there has been a series of miniquakes to hopefully test their theory out and hey, it works! Just in time, or not just in time, because it looks like all of their recent work stress is about to be tested when the earth’s stress gets released. All along the San Anreas fault. Through small towns, close to LA and right smack dab through San Francisco .

Also featuring a few British folks from up the river. Namely, Hugo Johnstone-Burt as an engineer looking for a job, Art Parkinson his younger brother, and KYLIE MINOGUE as a small role that totally wouldn’t normally be noted but it is Kylie Minogue people.

Hide! Kylie doesn’t like it when you call her roles small!

It has been awhile since there has been an earthquake movie released. The last two I can remember are Aftershock and Aftershock. And when I compare all three, I would put this a step below Aftershock, but one step above Aftershock.

That’s right. I liked a disaster movie. And I will only briefly talk about the science.

From my knowledge, the whole magnetic pulse to predict earthquakes thing is a solid hypothesis running around the community and relatively new. So that is fine. I think they made up a big fault that doesn’t exist as part of the main San Andreas fault having it go through Nevada, but honestly, I don’t know. But my biggest complaint science wise is the Tsunami. Part of the climax involves a tsunami post all the big earthquakes hitting the city. Buuuuuut, that seems silly. Do giant ass earthquakes cause giant ass Tsunamis? Sure! But not at the same place the earthquake hit. See, the giant displacement event would cause the water to shift away from the epicenter, not towards. A giant ass tsunami would totally head towards Asia/Australia, but it didn’t make sense for it to hit San Francisco.

Back to the earthquakes! I cried. I legit cried near the end of this movie. Because overall, this is a story about a man trying to save his family. A man who tries to save everyone but couldn’t save his daughter those years ago. A man who is a rock in real life, facing a force that literally breaks rocks.

I was surprised at the amount of action this movie provided. They went high with their Earhtquake and aftershock count and had the damage affect at least 3 cities separately, plus tsunami, so there was tons of near death (and death?!) scenarios. Shit, the body count on this movie is so incredibly high. Millions and millions of people die thanks to tall buildings falling over and streets ripping apart. It’d be a bloodbath if it was just rated R and we could show all the bodies in the flood.

There was also disappointment when douche looking Ioan Gruffudd ended up being exactly that, a douche. I was really hoping he would be a good guy, despite being the “new rich man” in their lives, and make it a bit more complicated of a love dynamic. But alas, if it looks like a douche…

San Andreas has everything I’d want in a disaster movie. Some extremely ridiculous scenes of survival. Some crazy deaths. Trillions of dollars of damage done to infrastructure. Ample cleavage because you have to have that in movies about geology for pun reasons. Not completely terrible CGI. Some actual factual science. Some extreme cringe worthy dialogue (including the most obvious ending dialogue to end the movie. Much cliche). And of course, last but not least, Paul Giamatti’s face representing my literal profession.

3 out of 4.

Buy it now from Amazon now on Blu-Ray or DVD.

Do you love me? You don’t have to say you love me. Love me tender, love me do, will you love me tomorrow?

Love me for a reason, love me again, love me like you do.

That is the best my google-fu can do for now about hit songs in the past with Love Me in the title. But it is enough to prove the point, people really want to love and be loved in return.

But what happens if you’ve got so much love to give and can’t find anyone to take your love? Well, you either become a criminal and a despised human being, or you can look outside of America, and potentially become a despised human being. That’s right. I’m talking mail order brides.

The men come in flavors other than stereotype, thankfully.

The documentary is about several gentlemen who are looking for love in Eastern Europe. I have been told that Ukraine has a large female population, more so than the male population. According to one girl, they also are all heavy drinkers, and a lot of ladies would like to get out of there to meet a nice man and raise a family. You know. Without being with an alcoholic. So these international dating sites are big business, both for the lonely men in the USA and the lonely women over there.

And just to be clear, this isn’t actually spending like, $15,000 for a woman to fly over and marry you. It is a dating site, that you have to pay to message (because they will translate for you). The ensure that that women are real, and even do international trips where they bring guys over to set parties, that end up with 70-80 women and only 10-20 guys at. Pretty crazy.

Love Me was entertaining in many ways. For instance, I learned a lot about the industry and how these types of sites are set up / how they make money. I learned that the women aren’t forced into anything crazy. I learned that it can also be incredibly sad. They told a few stories over time, 3 months, 6 months, and more later. Some ended in happy marriages where they moved to America and got pregnant. Some had marriages that didn’t end well, and some only got to the engagement step or worse. Some people get led on, and others find true love.

And shit. Seriously, it got really sad and awkward at times, but I guess that is just how normal relationships go.

Love Me is on Netflix, and totally worth the discomfort.

3 out of 4.

It has taken me awhile to watch Twenty Feet From Stardom, which is silly. It has kind of been sitting on my “reserve list” on Netflix for when I really had no idea what to do for a review that week. I had no reason to delay watching it either, given that it totally won Best Documentary Academy Award for 2014. Pretty fucking baller.

But hey, I am glad I did wait. Because everyone knows for the most part that backup singers are women. Yes, men are backup singers are men too. Sure. But the most famous ones, the most influential ones, they are women. Why not honor them with a spot in my Yay Women Week, I say? Yay women who can sing and don’t always get the spotlight!

This documentary talks to several women who are in the industry. Women who were there when the idea of a backup singer started with rock and roll music. We have women who are back up singers now. We have women who wanted to just stand behind the stars and those who tried to make it big on their own. And we get to hear all of their stories.

And the colored girls say, “Doo do doo do doo do do doo…”

Darlene Love is probably the main focus of this movie. She is a pretty well known name, started as a backup singer, released some albums with some success, got screwed over by contracts. But in 2011 she got put in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, so people knew about her talents and her abilities. That is the good thing.

Twenty Feet From Stardom refers to two things in this documentary. Literally, like standing on a stage, pretty dang close to the stars topping the charts. And of course referring to a few of these women’s journey as they usually get very close to their goal of being a super star, but landing right outside of it in the backup singer spot.

I basically explained everything that happens in this already and the types of stories we get. And most of them are sad. But they all have hope and it is pretty inspirational.

What I liked more is that in this documentary it is constantly playing music. All of which feature the background singers of course, either the recorded version or live concert versions with video of them going to town. It made the entire documentary just fly by as I got to jam to the music. And it had new performances from the background singers singing together even though a few of them are quite old.

A few touching moments as well, although this one didn’t make me cry personally. I liked the stories told and the music and it is an easy way to pass the time overall.

3 out of 4.

Day 2 of Yay Women Week. I think it works as a theme title, so I have decided to keep it.

Everly came out a couple weeks ago and I picked it to review from both a suggestion and because it looked like it offered something different. I haven’t gotten to do the weirder movies as much as I had wanted recently and it is always good to shoehorn my viewings into the schedule. I blame the fact that too many movies hit theaters clearly. We should just cut out a third of them and make it so they were never made. Everyone would be happier, and more weird shit could get reviewed. Like, when is the last time I watched a shitty sex comedy B-Movie?? Exactly.

Everly is not that, although it does get suggestive at some points. I think the only thing that keeps Everly from qualifying as some sort of exploitation movie is the fact that the lead star people actually recognize.

Ah yes, the star of Fools Rush In.

GUNS AND NAKEDNESS. BANG BANG BOOM. SCREAMING.

That’s how we enter the bathroom of this apartment, where Everly (Salma Hayek) is beaten and freaking out. But hey, she has hidden a gun in her toilet, which she is able to claim and kill several men in her apartment. Da fuq?

Everly is a prostitute apparently. She lives in a complex with a lot of other prostitutes, working for one criminal overlord Taiko (Hiroyuki Watanabe). For whatever reason, he has sent men to kill her. That didn’t work. Guess he is going to have to offer a cash reward to the building to take her out.

This includes other prostitutes, other assassins, some sick motherfuckers, and the boss himself if it comes down to it.

Everly, mostly on her own, just wants to survive and leave the building. And to get in contact with her mother (Laura Cepeda) and daughter (Aisha Ayamah)!! who also end up at the place. Oh fuck.

And then some more guns and violence and guns. And a sadist (Togo Igawa).

Guns a blazin’, and we aren’t talking about the one with the bullets.

Arguably, there is not a lot going on in this movie plot wise. But neither did The Raid: Redemption. It also drops your off RIGHT in the middle of a bunch of shit going down and it makes you keep up. A very hectic movie, constantly moving, with a lot of fucked up scenes.

That is the TL;DR I guessed. It is actually quite lowly rated on IMDB. Surprisingly so. I think that it is just because it is a weird and non standard movie, most people just shrug it off immediately. One of those, “Well, it wasn’t in theaters, so it must suck and can’t win awards!”. One of those is true. No awards will be won.

But will you be entertained? Highly probably. If not you will be just grossed out and kind of hate it. I guess it could go either way.

If you think it is the type of thing that sounds exciting, you will in fact enjoy this movie. If you are iffy, then definitely don’t watch it. You will probably hate it. Simple enough!

3 out of 4.

What up Pitches!!

First of all, I accidentally themed this week. I present to you, Yay Women Week. It should be self explanatory.

I was excited for Pitch Perfect, for like, the year before it came out when I first heard about it. I love it when people make music with their mouths. And I liked a lot of the people in it.

So of course I was excited about Pitch Perfect 2. Well, assuming they had a plot that made sense. I was excited about the additions to the cast and the fact that Elizabeth Banks was directing. But I didn’t understand why certain cast members, who should be gone and out of the picture, have returned.

Rawr. Don’t make a nonsensical movie for familiarity sake! It is a big problem with high school and college movies or shows. I am looking at you Glee. You needed to let your members move on not take it away from high school.

But again, I will forgive it if the plot makes sense. But only then.

Or if I really like the music. That trumps a lot of potential bad other things.

The Bellas are back, Bitches! Like literally, most of them are still on the team (Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, Hana Mae Lee, Ester Dean, Alexis Knapp, Shelley Regner, Kelley Jakle) and even Chloe (Brittany Snow) who refuses to graduate. The only newish member is Flo (Chrissie Fit), who is an immigrant and thus fulfills a lot of new joke material, offensive or otherwise.

Three years later, this is their senior year, and they totally won the next two years of competition too. However, while doing a nationally televised performance, some bad things happen, and the Acapella committee is going to disband their group to make sure everyone knows that things are bad. They can’t recruit, they can’t compete in the national title, nada.

Well, apparently every four years, there is a world competition though. And the winner of the American National always gets to go the next year, so they at least get that right. And sure, if they win, they can keep their team. If you follow the film time line, that means the Treble Makers would have competed in it the year Aubrey (Anna Camp) blew chucks, but you know, continuity things. They do get a new member in Emily (Hailee Steinfeld), because her mom was a Bella. She likes to sing her own music.

So there you go, a very simple plot. Beat all the other countries at singing, especially those very sexy, very well choreographed and amazing German singers in Das Sound Machine (Birgitte Hjort Sørensen, Flula Borg). Oh, but maybe there is more? Maybe Beca also has to worry about her life after college and actually becoming a music producer with intense internships? Yeah, jobs are still important!

And you know, this movie features a shit ton of people. Of course John Michael Higgins, Skylar Astin, Ben Platt and Adam DeVine. But also Katey Sagal and Keegan-Michael Key! And some of the Tonehangers with new people! And other cameos I don’t want to spoil or tag! And that Pentatonix group! And the Green Bay Packers!

I assume everyone in this picture is Aaron Rodgers.

I am officially flooded with actors, I think I can avoid tagging anyone in my next two.

Let me start off by saying that I am a bit disappointed that I didn’t get to give this a 4 out of 4. So when I talk about negatives, remember I still enjoyed the movie overall. It is hilarious. For the most part the songs are good. Sure, a few songs features I might absolutely hate in real life, but I got over it. I mean, fuck, the final song out of no where made me all teary eyed, just like the first time. I am actually mad I can’t get the soundtrack immediately to see if they messed up a few songs like he first movie. The friendship chemistry is fantastic. They “Expanded” on the Riff Off game from the last movie, in a new and probably better way. I laughed a ton. The analysts got even more dicey!

But my issues. Ugh. Most of my problems come from a misuse of the cast. Skylar, my favorite part of the movie, felt like he was barely in it. He got one main song, and was in the pseudo-Riff Off. But that was about it. He was so pointless, and he didn’t even talk about movies. Other Bellas, namely Cynthia-Rose, Lilly, and Stacie, felt like they barely had any lines or reason to be in the movie. The former got to sing a bunch, but their jokes went way way down and felt wasted. Even Ben Platt technically got less screen time. So many individuals who were there but didn’t seem to matter. THey tried to fit too much in the movie.

Hailee was wonderful though. Sure, they tried to force this weird Flashlight song down our throats. The original I kind of hate, but by the end of the movie, the few different versions seemed to grow on me. I am probably still going to grab this movie day one on Blu-Ray and watch it again and again, although arguably it is of some lesser quality than the first film.

3 out of 4.

The middle day of Blackweek and also the last expected review for this theme. I had said three movies came out in January with Black in the title, and you probably could figure them out. Day 4 and 5 are a mystery though!

Black or White is the first (and only? We will seeee) of the movies in this theme to actually have anything to do with race. Who the fuck even know what Blackhat was about, title wise. Some hacking shit.

This movie however does not feature the Michael Jackson song of the same name, nor a Macaulay Culkin cameo. Such a shame.

“If you’re thinking about my baby it don’t matter if it is while watching Black Or White!”

This movie isn’t about your ordinary child custody case. This one involves mostly grandparents. Elliot (Kevin Costner) and his wife Carol (Jennifer Ehle) have been looking after their granddaughter, Eloise (Jillian Estell). Her mom, their daughter, died during child birth due to complications. Complications that could have been stopped if hey were there, but she gave birth in secret hiding it from them, because the parents wouldn’t have approved of her relationship. Not just because it was interracial, but because of age differences and more.

Well, now Carol is dead too. So Elliot is over his head. He is also an alcoholic. Either way, he does the best he can, gets a tutor (Mpho Koaho), and takes time off work. But it might not be good enough. So, Eloise’s other grandmother, Rowena (Octavia Spencer) wants to sue for custody. She has a big support network, has culture and experience and believes has the better interest for the girl. Heck, she eventually even has the father (André Holland), out of prison and off drugs now, ready to be a daddy (maybe).

So let the digging up of dirt and lawyer shenanigans begin!

And maybe. Just maybe. Some life lessons along the way to learn to be good to people and not be racist. Or something.

Also with Bill Burr, Anthony Mackie, Gillian Jacobs, and Paula Newsome.

I am half tempted to give a tag to “sweet ass lawyer table.”

I will just go out and say it, Black or White was better than I gave it credit for. On the outside, it looks like a cliche family movie treading very lightly on the subject of race relations. I figured it would end with everyone hugging saying “Give Peace A Chance!” and warm happy rainbows. And hey it doesn’t have a 100% happy ending. It is more complicated. People get dragged through the mud and not everyone is a great person. Fantastic.

My other concern was Kostner. Last year at the beginning of the year he had Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, 3 Days To Kill, and Draft Day, all of various meh to lame movies. So when I saw he had multiple movies within a month or so of each other, I figured we were in for a repeat.

I am not saying his performance was fantastic by any means. It was okay. But the characters and the story made this a worth while movie, not Costner getting old.

3 out of 4.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Do I even have to write an intro? Yes? Well. Fuck. Okay.

The Avengers was stupidly successful. I knew it would be in 2008 or so. Everything Marvel has done has been covered in molten gold, but in a good way, not a Game of Thrones way. So of course everyone is excited about Avengers: Age of Ultron. Honestly, I am more excited about the next Captain America movie and some of the new heroes like Black Panther and Doctor Strange.

But hey. Ultron is cool too. I will take what I can get before we get 3 Marvel and 3 DC movies a year, plus random other franchises.

Cool to the touch that is. HA HA HA HA HA.Shits crazy. If you haven’t seen Captain America: The Winter Soldier yet, then I can’t really help you. Spoilers on that front.

S.H.I.E.L.D. is gone, unless you watch the TV show then who knows. Hydra is fucking shit up. The Avengers have gotten together to stop them.

Our friends are all back, Iron Man (Robert Downey Jr.), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Captain America (Chris Evans), Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner).

Remember the twins after the credits of the movie I just mentioned? Well, Quicksilver/Pietro Maximoff (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Scarlet Witch/Wanda Maximoff (Elizabeth Olsen) are also thrown into the fray. An evil fray.

Here’s the important facts though. The Avengers get Loki’s staff back pretty dang quick. And using its power, Tony Stark wants to return peace to the world. He would love to disband the Avengers because he doesn’t want there to be a need for them. So he uses the staff to help begin to build some AI to help protect the world from more outside threats. Shit goes badly. We got a robot that wants to take out all the Avengers now. The Avengers bring threats. They are dangerous. Without them the world would be better. Tony accidentally made an Ultron (James Spader).

What? Is that not enough characters for you? Well fine. We have some other appearances of course, and I won’t tell you how big or small their roles are. Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), War Machine (Don Cheadle), Maria Hill (Cobie Smulders), Falcon (Anthony Mackie), Heimdall (Idris Elba), and Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgard). We also have newbie, Dr. Helen Cho (Claudia Kim), and of course Paul Bettany and ANDY SERKIS.

But Thor is my favorite so he gets his own picture, damn it. For movies like this, there is no way I can get through these things without rambling and talking so much. So fuck it. Let’s go classic here. A simple pros and cons list of the movie. Well, a likes and dislikes. Yeah. And with fancy bullet technology!

Likes:

• Hawkeye. They heard the complaints about him in previous films and they made sure he was an important character. A lot was added to him. He had probably two of the best lines, did cool things, and was fantastic. Everyone should love him.
• Hulkbuster. Hulkbuster guys. Hulkbuster. Amazing fight.
• The plot elements in the film are definitely related to the first Avengers. Characters decisions are constantly determined to make sure they don’t redo what was done in NYC.
• Characters shared the screen. It wasn’t just a one man show and his friends. A lot of characters got a lot of screen time. Most of the new guys got their motivations and back stories. Everyone got to fight and everyone fought hard.
• It wasn’t an exact repeat of the first movie. There are similar elements, but the threats feel different, the arguments are different, and the jokes are different.
• They didn’t dick around in the beginning, it starts with action and goes quickly into Ultron time.

Dislikes:

• Um. Ultron. I think. I mean. It is iffy. But from the many trailers, I expected him to be a bit scarier overall. He had creepy elements. Especially early on. But then he seemed to turn into a mostly joke cracking villain without the fear.
• Vision. I liked him but I don’t think they did a good enough job explaining him or giving him more things to do. He felt a bit wasted.
• Time. The movie is 140 minutes or so, but there are several times when the thing still feels rushed, especially in the 2nd and 3rd acts. There is a lot going on and a lot I liked, but some things made no real sense. Better explanation or more cutting would have helped a ton.
• Love. There is a romance in this movie. It feels…forced and awkward the entire time. It helps lead to some of these moments where you’d like more explanation.

Also, under both categories I could say the Future. This movie does a lot to set up future movies. Future Thanos battle. Elements for the Black Panther movie. Elements for the next Thor and the Civil War (Although I thought they should have gone way stronger on that side). At the same time, this film kind of feels like a big stepping stone for the future instead of its own amazing event. Too much focus on the later movies, which we know the next many years for and not enough about Ultron.

Overall, AoU is really fucking entertaining. Make no mistake. It was a nice ride, and good action and all of that. The characters are the ones we love with new ones you will love as well. But I think it had enough disappointing aspects associated with it to make me not as excited as I had hoped. With all the set up, I think the Civil War movie will be the one that all this hype has been leading up to. Makes sense, because after it is when we start getting all the new characters outside of Ant-Man.

Go see it. Go see it multiple times. I will buy it as soon as I can for sure. But you know, not perfect.

 

3 out of 4.