Tag: 3 out of 4

I first watched Raiders of the Lost Ark when I was in 9th grade. Given that I was born in 1989, that is actually a long ass time after the movie came out. And by watched the movie, I mean only watched like half of it because it was in a class. And by Raiders, apparently I meant one of the other two Indiana Jones movies. Because a few days ago I figured I should re-watch the entire movie before checking out this documentary, and hey, I was surprised that I totally never saw Raiders before.

Now now, I know what happened in the movie. Almost from beginning to end. So much of the film has become parodied, redone, and referenced that I could tell you most of the major plot points like a basic wikipedia article. I just never sat down and saw the dang thing until two days ago.

So why the hell am I watching Raiders!: The Story of the Greatest Fan Film Ever Made? Good question. It’s because I am a movie reviewer and I want to watch everything, damn it. If I only watched films I had a history in some way with, this would be called Gorgon Biased Views instead.

Yes, that last joke and this picture are brought to you by teenage levels of humor.

Raiders of the Lost Ark came out in the summer of 1981 and changed many lives. In particular, it changed the lives of Chris Strompolos, Eric Zala, and Jayson Lamb. Chris knew after watching it that he had to recreate the movie. He found Eric, who was a year older, another Raider fan and asked him to join in. He became the director and story board guy. He basically drew out the entire storyboard from the movie after just one viewing. And then they found Jayson, who ended up being key to all of their special effects and production team.

And then from 1981 to 1989, over summer and winter vacations and Holiday weekends they began to recreate Raiders of the Lost Arc. They didn’t film it in order, so scenes show them grow up and descend in age at random. Most of their first two years of shots were bad and had to be redone. They had to close down sets for fire issues and falling outs between friends. They basically used every Christmas and Birthday present to get more prop work done to authenticate the movie. But damn it, in 1989 they finished it, showed it to their town, and moved on with their lives.

Pictured: Not Harrison Ford and Not Steven Spielberg.

Moved on with their lives, for a short time period. They didn’t actually recreate the entire film. They could not do the “plane” scene near the end, with all the explosions, blood, fights, and planes. So they just never tried to because they’d be too disappointed. But their movie got famous again by 2002. It was seen by people throughout the film industry, passing around bad copies of a VHS tape. Eli Roth found it, yes that Eli Roth, loved it, showed it at a Butt-A-Numb-A-Thon run by Harry Knowles and the crowd went bananas.

This got them re-famous. This got them on tours. This got them to meet their idols. And so of course, with all this behind them, they set out to finally film that one last scene. With Kickstarter backers and real cameras and everything. And of course, their life stories, the film, and trying to film the last scene is really what this documentary is about.

As a reminder, I did not grow up with Indiana Jones being a major player in my life. Blame my parents, they showed me what they wanted to when I was young. Despite not having an emotional connection to the film, I had an emotional connection to these kids and their adult final forms as well. It is incredibly inspiring. It is about overcoming all the odds, showing what kids and people can do with limited resources and a whole lot of heart.

It made me long for my own childhood of freedom and time, making me a bit jealous I didn’t do more with it like these kids. I regret not going to the double screening of this documentary with the final cut of their film, but hopefully I will now see it one day in the future. And uhh, probably those other Indiana Jones movies as well.

Anton Yelchin has passed away at 27 thanks to a freak accident at his home. This is terribly sad and tragic news. A young death is always hard to wrap your mind around and I don’t think I will really understand he is gone for a few years. He has five films on his IMDB, at the time of this writing, is five films, so he will still be gracing us with his presence for months to come.

I always try to quickly review a film of a recently deceased actor, if possible, as soon as I can as a sort of tribute to them. This review is actually up on the site just two days after the passing, my quickest turn around. Yelchin has been in a ton of films I haven’t seen so there was plenty to choose from. Thankfully, for the films I have seen, he has consistently given his best and never been part of a film I absolutely hated. From Star Trek, to Green Room, to Like Crazy, to Fright Night, to Charlie Bartlett, to fucking Odd Thomas, his range of characters is pretty great.

And it sucks that with his early passing the world has lost such a great acting potential. Who knows where he might have taken his acting? Would he have an Oscar? Does complaining about the loss of talent make me an asshole? Who knows.

But now I am reviewing a film, 5 to 7, recommended by another critic last year. And I will probably go back and watch a lot of recent films from him because I probably should have watched them before. But now I’m rambling, woo new movies!

I’m not crying, it’s just been raining…on my face.

Brian (Anton Yelchin) is a typical New Yorker. He is living as a writer, but nothing he writes is getting published. It is okay, because his parents (Glenn Close, Frank Langella) have money and he doesn’t have to rush to a job. They want him to go to Law School, but they will let him try writing for now.

Then Brian meets Arielle (Bérénice Marlohe). He sees her smoking a cigarette, so he walks across the street to join her. Suave as fuck. She finds him charming so she invites him back to smoke next week, and since he shows up, she invites him on a date later on from 5 to 7 that night. A very specific time because it has cultural meaning.

The 5 to 7 time in French culture at least is a more open time for couples, where they can be off doing anything and it not really be suspicious or weird. And it has grown to mean a time when you can hang out with your paramour. Brian didn’t know about this, so he was very surprised to find that Arielle had a husband (Lambert Wilson). But he is aware of Arielle dating Brian, and hell, he has a side woman as well (Olivia Thirlby). They are just an open couple who know they need companionship outside of their marriage and their family. Yep, kids too.

Brian is young, 24 or so, but he really likes Arielle and cannot stop thinking about her, so he gives it a shot. He has to realize that he is the side bitch and can only see her romantically a couple hours a day. No romantic weekend getaways. No late night parties. Just a little bit of intimacy. And that is a weird thing to get used to.

Shit, if I had them as parents, I would probably just write all day too.

I was a bit worried going into this movie. It felt like a romantic comedy. I knew it wouldn’t be typical, but I have seen a lot and it is hard to make something feel unique and different. Hell, when they introduced the dad’s mistress, I was worried this would turn into a What Maisie Knew situation. Without going into too many spoilers, it flirted with that specific scenario, but thankfully still surprised me.

The best part about 5 to 7 is that it felt real. Brian was a young and inexperienced kid and not the best flirter, so their first interaction was awkward. I almost judged Yelchin and thought it was just bad acting, until I realized it was supposed to look pathetic and made perfect sense. Brian wasn’t perfect, Arielle wasn’t perfect, everyone in this movie had flaws and felt realistic. Hell, the parents bickered and argued, but you could tell there was love there and understanding.

So thankfully 5 to 7 featured fantastic acting from all the major players involved. And the story is pretty unique despite dealing with a subject matter in films before.

If you want a realistic movie about extramarital affairs, that are parts of open relationships, and how it affects the lives of everyone involved, 5 to 7 is a pretty good choice. If you want to just see a well acted film, 5 to 7 is still a good choice. At times amusing, other times sad, 5 to 7 is probably the whole package for a film.

I first was going to give it a 4 out of 4, but I am sure that is just my emotions taking over. The reality is the film was sad, but I never was able to fully connect with it emotionally still. I didn’t cry and really, how great can it be if I don’t cry?!

Welcome to documentary review day, or foreign film day, depending on what I feel like doing and feeling. Today, I don’t look at just any documentary. I look at a documentary that is really local to my current location. I am looking at an award winning documentary, technically

I am looking at The Last Man on the Moon. Now that it has made it onto Netflix I finally had a way to watch it. It is actually a winner of the Texas Independent Film Award, given out by the Houston Film Critic Society. I mean it went up against such classics like…Results. And uhh, other films I haven’t seen.

Just because the competition was weak doesn’t mean the movie didn’t deserve an award though. Just remember that!

And in The Last Man on the Moon, we look at the space program, astronaut Gene Cernan, and how he has the honor of being the last man to ever walk on the moon. Not typically an honor one thinks about. When one thinks the moon and people on it, they think of the first two names and kind of gloss over the rest.

But damn it, after Apollo 11, there were six other missions that went to the moon! And since Cernan left, no one else has graced it with their feet. Well, no one that isn’t a robot.

Yeah, Science bitches!

This documentary is actually about more than the moon landings though. This is basically a sort of bio on Cernan’s life. How he grew up, when he joined the Navy Air Force, his days as a pilot, his first wife and first daughter, his second wife and many new kids, how he first heard about the space program, got drafted and tested and picked over dozens of individuals, and his not one, not two, but three trips into Outer Space.

Shit, I just talked about the entire documentary!

I think it is important to show that astronauts didn’t just go out into space and to the moon once, they had multiple trips. His first trip was part of the Gemini missions which had a lot of failed aspects. He was part of Apollo 10, the last mission before they finally let people go to the moon. And of course he was part of Apollo 17, how he scraped in barely to the final trip the US would fund for testing.

It is actually a really informative documentary, looking at early aspects of NASA that isn’t super common knowledge. I loved his story about his first interview to be an astronaut, the tests involved, the secrecy, and how no one knew really what the hell was even going on. It made science feel sexy again. And everyone knows that science was the sexiest in the 1960’s during the Cold War.

The Last Man on the Moon was a better documentary than I imagined. And it was about a man who did a lot who doesn’t get a lot of recognition. I wouldn’t say I am biased, but I heard his acceptance speech when it won the TIFA, and it made me cry a bit. A speech about reaching for your dreams and achieving what you love in life, never giving up, and making every minute count.

Shit. Astronauts are the coolest American heroes. Space Cowboys and what not.

If I looked at all of the anime films I have reviewed, the total number would be closer to 0 than to 10 I imagine, and that is sad. There are a lot of anime films, and I watch a lot of animated films. But I believe the only ones I have reviewed in the last 4-5 years have been the ones out of Studio Ghibli and that is it. Much like there are other black films made by people other than Tyler Perry, there are other anime films made by studios outside of Ghibli, and damn it, I need to start giving them a chance.

Or you know, say I will on this review and then wait a year before my next anime film. Whatever happens.

The only reason I knew about The Boy and the Beast was from seeing a trailer before some other movie and hey, this one looked interesting. The trailer didn’t really say much, but the visuals were cool, and of course then someone recommended it.

Boom, sold, let’s get this anime train rolling.

I am so excited to write this, that I didn’t even notice I was using a PROMO art picture.

Ren (Aoi Miyazaki, Shôta Sometani) is a 9 year old kid, whose mom has died with a dad out of the picture from a divorce years earlier. He is going to be sent to live with another family, but he wants to live with his dad, he wants his mom back, and he hates everything else. So he runs into the streets of the town to live on his own. While out there, a cloaked beast man, Kumatetsu (Kôji Yakusho) runs into him, mentioning needing a disciple, even if it just a weak human. Ren having nothing better to do, follows Kumatetsu and finds himself in another world where animals walk upright and talk and have personalities.

Now in this world, humans aren’t actually allowed due to the darkness that can be in their hearts. Ren finds out that no one actually likes Kumatetsu, a brash and arrogant fighter, but he is one of two fighters vying to be the next Grandmaster of the area. The other is Iozen (Kazuhiro Yamaji), someone loved by all, many disciples, and two kids, Ichirohiko (Haru Kuroki, Mamoru Miyano) and Jiromaru (Momoka Ono, Kappei Yamaguchi).

Now obviously Ren doesn’t want to be yelled at, but he feels bad for Kumatetsu for having no one on his side. So he agrees to be his disciple, to make himself a stronger person, to have a place to belong to.

And this story is not about a master and disciple coming close together, becoming strong, and doing the thing you think they will do. No, that is just the first hour. Then directions change, things get weird, and they stay weird.

Also featuring voice work from Suzu Hirose and Yô Ôizumi.

The only time in the movie where the boy’s mouth is bigger than the beast’s.

I will just go straight into it. Like I just said, only the first half follows the general plot line that I laid out. That is what I expected the whole movie to do. You know, to give me a classic Karate Kid like story, where the master and the disciple grow and learn together, and then they both achieve their dreams and do good and be good and fuck the bad guys.

But it is a lot more complicated than that. The plot never goes away, but more things start to happen that change the primary motives for some of our characters. As they age, their priorities change, and holy shit, they are like real people. I mean that in comparison to cartoon characters, not the fact that 90% of the cast are beast things.

Great, a story with character growth. But what else? Well, the animation is nice to look at. The fights are decent enough. And the comedy/drama is balanced.

Now again, things get a little bit weird near the end. The plot doesn’t get hard to follow, but the character actions do get a little bit muddled. Hell, Ichirohiko is a big part of this thing. If it was supposed to be a surprise what happened, then the surprise was bad. I also thought the character was a woman based on the voice actor as a kid and was very confused to see the deeper voice when they grew up.

The Boy and the Beast! Something different, that’s for sure.

The best documentaries deal with the hardest of subjects. I think we can all agree that we don’t need to see too many more musician/celebrity documentaries, or even worse, documentaries based on specific movies or fandoms. I have seen enough to last me a life time, but they keep chugging out.

when a documentary comes out that is about some seriously bad and shady shit, then you know that documentary is important and actually might be worth a watch.

So, what is An Open Secret about? Well, a sex scandal in Hollywood. Which doesn’t sound like news. But this is an underage sex scandal. I am talking about pedophiles in Hollywood, forcing child actors to get involved with older men sexually, in order to get jobs, get references, get big in the game.

Yeah. That is some serious stuff, with pretty serious allegations. And yet, still, when I first heard about the issues years ago, my first thoughts weren’t surprise or shock. No, it was a more fucked up acceptance. Kind of like a “Oh yeah, I guess that makes sense to be happening.” Not implying that it is a good thing, just noting that I can see it happening and that I would probably believe any reports.

And despite rumors over the last few years, former child actors speaking out, actual cases against producers and directors, and of course people who went to jail for kid sex issues, the topic is still barely discussed and documentaries on the subject (like An Open Secret) are practically buried and ignored.

This isn’t a joke line, this is a serious line.

I honestly don’t even know what to say in a review like this. The stories of these actors, most of which are not big names and didn’t get to make it big, hearing what they went through scarred them in their teenage years for the rest of their lives. Being told that if they didn’t comply, they wouldn’t get work. Being told that they can’t go against all these powerful people. And to think this is just talking about teenage boys in Hollywood, when clearly it is happening on the other side of the gender pool as well.

The biggest name mentioned in this film is of course Bryan Singer, director of The Usual Suspects and like, half of the X-Men related films. Now, he isn’t specifically called out as someone who took advantage of kids, but he does interact with a lot of people who were in the group talked about in the documentary.

And shit, this is a hard subject. It is best to just watch the documentary and see for yourself. I think the narrative started to fall apart a little bit by the end. It just started to lose my interest at the point when they should be making their biggest points and driving the whole thing home. But the beginning and middle are quite well done.

Watching it won’t make you feel better about it. In fact, it will probably make you feel conflicted about Hollywood and the movie industry in general. But you have to take the good with the bad, even if dealing with the bad is hard.

When the first poster was released for Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping, I felt like my life had changed.

It looked amazing. I wanted to see the film right then and there. The tagline was just four words and felt like the most brilliant thing ever.

But the poster came out in February with the movie not coming out until early June! What a torturous few months it has been. I’ve had to watch three superhero films before I could see a potentially life changing film. But I guess that the date ended up being a good one. It is the real start of the Summer films (because counting May is stupid), and hopefully the film would have enough party in it to last me through the months of excessive blockbusters and explosion heavy films.

This doesn’t mean that I will go in praising it no matter what of course. Just look at X-Men: Apocalypse, my most anticipated comic film of the year, and it left a disappointing taste in my mouth. Going in excited means it is very easy for it to crash, that is all I am saying.

How they were able to get an Adam Levine hologram for this movie I will never know.

Ever since Conner4Real (Andy Samberg) was born, he was dope. He could play the drums at 1, he could make the mad rhymes, and he had the best two friends ever: Lawrence (Akiva Schaffer) and Owen (Jorma Taccone).

They made the group The Style Boyz and their hip hop music was everywhere. It inspired tons of modern groups. Lawrence made the lyrics, Conner was the front man, and Owen made the fat beats. Then Conner gets to real, too big, gets his own verse on a song with another artist and does his own solo album that sells a shit ton. And this documentary is about the release of his second album, his world wide tour, and his relationship with his girlfriend, Ashley Wednesday (Imogen Poots).

It is also about the rise and fall of being a popstar and how it can be hard to fall when you were up so damn high.

Tim Meadows plays the manager, Sarah Silverman the publicist, and James Buckley/Edgar Blackman the yes men groupies. Chris Redd is Hunter the Hungry, an upcoming rap superstar, and Joan Cusack is Conner’s mom. Also a shit ton of cameos, of artists playing themselves mostly.

I hope my future groupies will make sure I never leave the house looking like that.

Going into Popstar, I actually didn’t even know it was going to be a Mockumentary. And I love Mockumentaries, one of the rarest genres out there, so it was definitely a nice surprise. And since I have gone out of my way to watch quite a few recent pop tour documentary films (Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber 2, One Direction, Justin Bieber 3) I was very familiar with the current summer concert line up types of film. Early on in the film, it is was quite clear they were sort of parodying Justine Bieber: Never Say Never film (and the title is similar too, obviously), going to extremes with his backstory and even including Usher!

Add in the fact that we got original The Lonely Island music, with a shit ton of cameos and outrageous humor, you are left with a pretty dang funny feature film. So many quotable lines, plenty of vulgar language and we get an actual human penis in this film. Not a prosthetic dick and not even for a quick flash. They earned their graphic nudity rating.

My favorite scenes actually are where they parody that strange TMZ show where they just badly gossip in their office. They parody it only a few times, but man, I practically laughed nonstop.

If I had complaints, I would say it started to drag a bit near the end. That is kind of disappointing, given the film is under 90 minutes, The film isn’t surprising with the direction it takes, we practically know how it will end, so getting to that point just takes its time.

Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping is start to finish over the top comedy and a great release in this season of blockbusters, sequels, and cinematic universes.

Cmz

Thanks to South Park, when I read the title of this documentary, I can only think of the Weiner Song from their Game of Thrones episodes. However, while watching that television show, I barely recall seeing any weiner, so I really don’t get that joke.

And that is how you write an intro that has nothing to do with the documentary in question, Weiner.

If you recall, Anthony Weiner was a congressman who has an amusing last name and of course got in a sexting scandal that forced him to resign. What you don’t know about him is everything that happened before and after that.

He was actually a congressman for years, and there are quite a few videos of him on the floor yelling and telling it like it is, speaking for the lower class citizen. He was probably a hero. Until we saw his bulge.

But the documentary covers that time in his life in the first few minutes, with news clips, as it is the popular way of doing things these days. This documentary is about Weiner trying to reclaim his fame, to rise back to the top, and run for mayor of his home city, New York City.

Heh heh heh. Weiner.

If you like behind the scenes of modern politics, then this is the type of documentary for you. But also, if you wonder how a campaign can start, become successful, and then crash and burn due to a scandal. What? You mean the sexting scandal from years ago? No, I am talking about the new one that happened early in his campaign.

No don’t worry, he wasn’t stupid enough to continue that sort of thing years later while running (I think). This happened after he resigned, before he got his problem under control (according to him), and also involved a real picture of his penis. Full on man dick.

And what makes it even more uncomfortable is of course that he is married. His wife, Huma Abedin, well known fundraiser and campaign worker for the Clinton family. A family who went through their own sex scandal although in a bit of a different situation. Huma had forgiven Anthony, and they worked through it with counseling, but bringing up the past can be very hard. She is just a person and she has emotions as well.

I found Weiner to be a very personal and informative documentary. I learned a lot about the man, the things you don’t hear in the New York Post headlines. It wasn’t too long, it explained everything that went down, and it felt real.

We can learn a lot about Weiner, and you can learn more about it from watching. Just remember, the newspapers want catchy headlines, and if you only know about a person from the news, you are probably going to miss a lot.

The Lobster is weird. That is the only thing I knew about this film going into it. I only know that because that is what everyone says about the movie. And if everyone says something is weird, then it must be weird, and that excites me.

The Lobster also came out in Europe and everywhere else in the world like, last summer/fall. Seriously, everyone has seen this movie but US. It was already released on their DVDs I believe before it came over here to theaters.

That made it really tempting to just watch it online, but I am happy to say I held out and wanted to see this movie in theaters, knowing only it was weird and slightly foreign. Let’s do this!

“Only foreign people run through fields like this,” he said, maybe racist-ly.

The Lobster takes place in a near future setting, somewhere in the United Kingdom, and the world is different now. Or at least this unnamed city is different.

Basically, if you aren’t with your family as a child or currently in a relationship, then you are wasting space. The world doesn’t need loaners. It isn’t as safe with them. They aren’t being productive members of society. David (Colin Farrell) is now single after his wife left him for another man.

This means that David has to go to The Hotel. He has to leave all of his possessions behind, except for his dog. The Hotel stay is only temporary though. If he doesn’t find someone to love and marry in 45 days, someone who shares a trait with him and can live with him for a few weeks without major issues, then he can move back into the city.

Oh yeah, what happens if your time is up and you don’t find someone to love? You get turned into an animal of your choosing for a second chance of life. Yay!

Also featuring the Short Sighted Woman (Rachel Weisz), the Limping Man (Ben Whishaw), the Lisping Man (John C. Reilly), the Biscuit Woman (Ashley Jensen), a Heartless Woman (Angeliki Papoulia), the Nosebleed Woman (Jessica Barden) and her best friend (EmmaEdel O’Shea).

As for people not named after physical traits, we have a maid (Ariane Labed), hotel manager (Olivia Colman), her husband (Garry Mountaine), and the Loaner Leader (Léa Seydoux).

Bet you can’t figure out what David would want to become.

Hey! Did you read my intro? If not, The Lobster is a weird movie!

I haven’t seen any of the other films by Greek director Yorgos Lanthimos, but everyone is telling me I basically have to see Dogtooth if I liked the absurdness of this film. It is clearly done by a director who knew what he wanted for absolutely every moment of the film and put a lot of effort into the message.

The acting is a strange thing to talk about, because everyone on purpose tends to be emotionless and straight faced, as if they are walking talking dating profile pages. It took awhile to get comfortable with, but it produced some of the hardest laughs in the film. Sometimes I laughed due to pure jokes, sometimes due to the awkward moments, and sometimes to keep myself from crying at the darker parts of the movie.

The Lobster does seem to drag a bit though. Most notably when David leaves the Hotel. In the forest we meet interesting characters, but it just feels repetitive and, honestly, I don’t fully understand the reasoning behind all of the rules. The two hour film feels a half hour longer. The final scenes are interesting at least and say a lot about the world they are living in.

If you can make it through the forest, you can make it to the end of a pretty good and unique movie.

2015 (which feels like a long time ago), had a few horror comedies all released in the span. You know, October-ish.

There was Cooties, the only one I ended up watching, that didn’t blend its horror and comedy well enough to warrant a rewatch ever.

There was Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse, which I didn’t see, still haven’t seen, so I am not sure why I brought it up.

And Freaks of Nature, which didn’t even get a theatrical release as far as I can tell. And of course, I decided to watch it before Scouts Guide, because it has my second favorite character from Sky High.

This movie unfortunately doesn’t have Bruce Campbell.
I unfortunately say that about most movies I see.

The town of Dillford is a strange place. Here, and maybe elsewhere in the United States, humans, vampires, and zombies live in peaceful coexistence. Sure, there are things that bother people, and you have bigots, but for the most part they can live and not kill each other.

That is until the aliens come. Because a fourth entity can only mean trouble. Everyone begins to fear the other side, and soon, all out chaos erupts in the town, with friends fighting friends and no one knowing what the aliens are up to. It is up to three teenagers to save the day. Who I will talk about so I can tag a lot of actors.

Dag (Nicholas Braun) is our human hero, and a bit of a lame dude. He is super in to Lorelei (Vanessa Hudgens), but she just uses him to store weed in his house. His parents (Bob Odenkirk, Joan Cusack), think he smokes as well (like them!) but no, he doesn’t.

He used to be good friends with Ned (Josh Fadem), a smart guy. Ned is pissed off at his family (Ian Roberts, Rachael Harris, Chris Zylka), who are into sports and meat and hate smart kids. So eventually he decides to say fuck it, and let a zombie bite him. Less pressure that way.

And then there is Petra (Mackenzie Davis), a girl who was called a slut despite never really having sex. And she thinks she is about to have sex with a Edward Cullen looking dude (Ed Westwick), but he actually wants to make her a vampire. And well, screw it you know. He wants to be with her forever. Well, let’s just say he is a dick.

Also featuring Denis Leary, Mae Whitman, Keegan-Michael Key, Patton Oswalt, Pat Healy, and Werner Herzog.

Gotta get those website clicks somehow.

For a straight to DVD, probably low budget, comedy horror, I found myself laughing way more than I expected. It was never scary, because horror just means “has vampires and zombies in it” sometimes. And that is okay. Clearly this is a movie not meant to be taken seriously and provide a good time.

And damn it, it does. While also giving me the necessary high school angst that is necessary for movies set in that age group. Sex scandals, bullies, sports, drugs, and teachers being dicks. We get all of that plus zombies and vampires! And sure, an alien or two.

There isn’t actually a whole lot to say about this film as a whole besides it being a good time. Our leads are okay, in particular I am becoming a decent fan with Mackenzie Davis. I’ve seen her now in two movies with a lead, the other being That Awkward Moment, and enjoyed the crap out of her characters. Her side characters have been fine too. Out of everyone in this cast, I hope she breaks out soon.

Braun, you are a funny dude too, but keep to the smaller movies. You thrive in them.

I want more silly movies like that. Let’s make a sequel folks. But you know, more horror tropes.

As a big man, I would like to think I was an expert on big splashes. It kind of just comes with the territory. Now, my belly flopping days are definitely over, as any attack to my stomach has me keeling over, but there is still a lot of back and ass available to turn your regular pool into a tidal pool.

That being said, I had no fucking clue what A Bigger Splash movie was about going in.

From the cast, it looked weird. From the director, it looked foreign. From the quick synopsis it looked pretentious.

However, had they told me there would be dancing, I would have watched it even sooner!

In this world, you would have heard the name Marianne Lane (Tilda Swinton). She was a big time rock superstar and world famous. Man could she sing. You just won’t hear a lot of that in this film, because she had some vocal problems and had to have some surgery. So now she is staying in a nice villa in a small island village in Italy to rest and get away from it all. She is staying with her long time boyfriend, Paul De Smedt (Matthias Schoenaerts).

This vacation is perfect for gratuitous amounts of sex and just being naked. But then they get found out. An old friend, Harry (Ralph Fiennes) figured out where they were staying. Old friend meaning producer and former boyfriend of Marianne. Despite his outgoing personality and awkward party past, they invite him to stay in their house. He also brought his 22 year old daughter, Penelope (Dakota Johnson), whom Harry just found out even existed.

A troubled past, the vacation setting, and not really knowing everyone lead to some very awkward circumstances. Especially when characters feel the past has not yet been fully settled.

Also featuring Corrado Guzzanti as a police officer, who looks like an older Italian Michael Shannon.

Shit, even I’d be willing to eat outside if ti looked like that.

First thing I learned is that A Bigger Splash is not just some weirdly Italian original film, it is a remake of an actual Italian film from 1969, La Piscine. Typical Hollywood, always remaking shit. (This is a joke, because this is not a Hollywood movie and no one fucking knows about La Piscine.)

Secondly, look at all the naked people. There are four famous people in this movie, and you will see them all. Some more than others. I got to see Ralph Fiennes’ Lobby Boy, if you catch my drift. I feel like everything Dakota Johnson has been in lately involves her just being naked half the time. It is almost ridiculous. If you hate the site of a naked body, you will not want to see this film.

Thirdly, Fiennes danced incredibly and I wish it was more of the film.

Those are all the weird points I had to make. If I had to talk about the movie itself, I would probably mention that the cinematography is gorgeous. And by gorgeous, I of course mean the setting. But also the camera was just straight up weird and all over the place in the film, almost a fifth main character.

The acting is top notch. The situations are awkward. The soundtrack and sound effects were on top.

I think my biggest problem is that it just felt so incredibly long. It is a little over 2 hours and the last 20-30 minutes seem to drag. Based on this type of movie, after the climatic events, I expected almost every scene after it would be the last. But no, it kept going and it really brought down the film for me.

You would be hard pressed to find a weirder movie this year, that also takes place in a realistic setting with realistic circumstances.