Tag: 2 out of 4

If you have no idea who Mesrine is, then you should probably read the review of part one, of this two part movie series. That way you knowledge can increase by about 3% on the subject!

Knowledge, it makes you happy.

After the events of the first film, Mesrine (Vincent Cassel) found himself alone, on the run, and mad. How does Mesrine: Public Enemy #1 begin? Shit, with Mesrine dying. Spoilers? Not really. Hopefully you would guess a nationwide gangster ended his career in prison or in death. Why they started with his body, not sure.

Last time we got to see kidnapping, killing, some extortion and breaking away from the police twice.

Well this movie is really no different. Some more escapes, some more kidnapping. He has different lovers in this film (Ludivine Sagnier). Some notable police workers (Oliver Gourmet and Christophe Vandevelde). And of course new accomplices and criminals (Gerard Lanvin, Mathieu Amalric, and Samuel Le Bihan).

Why be vague? I explained that last time. Because its all about the experience, damn it.

There must be some kind of way out of here, said the gangster to the thief. In prison.

But is it ust as good? To me, it didn’t feel as good. It is a bit longer, but I think a lot could have been cut out. Overall, it just felt like more of the same.

Maybe my problem is considering it two movies (you know, because it was released that way…) and not as one super really long movie. But in that case, overall it might have been better to just make it like a long three hour movie instead of a little bit over four hours overall. I guess it is because it became more of a biography and really did want to talk about all of his exploits. Not just the cool shit. I respect that, but I didn’t care about most of it.

I will say his death was kind of bad ass, as were his escapes. I also loved that everytime he got caught he was generally happy. Posing for the press, making great courtroom stands and what not. Then you know, escaping. Well done Mesrine.

I think most people would agree that the quality in Adam Sandler movies has been in a decline for some time. But I think part of that is also just nostalgia. How different is a Jack and Jill movie compared to a Happy Gilmore really? I guess more gags in the former, but the same guy making silly jokes. But That’s My Boy has the potential to be very different. It is rated R. Uh oh, that means titties and bigger jokes.

His last R movie was Funny People, but that was not really his movie. So who knows where this will go.

And really, this movie is a love story deep down at its roots. Heh.

Donny (Sandler) was the coolest kid in middle school. For whatever reason, his teacher Miss McGarricle (Eva Amurri Martino) became infatuated with him, he got his sex on, became really good, and then they were caught. She was sent to prison for 30 years for showing no remorse, but she was pregnant. Donny didn’t like his dad, was aggressive and mean, so he promised to be the complete opposite, a fun dad. Who cares if they were only ten to thirteen years apart. Once he got full custody, he was gonna kick some ass.

He had lots of success too, and sold his story for a made for tv movie, of him trying to raise his kid! But he wasted a lot of it. And his son, Han Solo (Andy Samberg) moved out at 18, fat and annoyed and hasn’t spoken to him since. But now he owns $45,000 in back taxes, or else he goes to prison in a week. Shit. Well his son is super successful, he could ask, but that’d be dickish. Instead he can get paid as long as he reunites his son with his wife in prison and him, sounds good! Too bad that same weekend he is apparently getting married.

So why not crash the party, pretend to be an old old friend, maybe develop a relationship with his son again, and maybe not go to prison. Won’t be hard to convince them all that he is just a friend, since he lied to say his dad died in an explosion. Leighton Meester plays the bride to be, Milo Ventimiglia her brother, Blake Clark and Meagen Fay as her parents, and Tony Orlando is his boss looking for a new partner.

Want more?! There is also work mates (Will Forte) random drunk rednecks (Nick Swardson) and Vanilla Ice (Vanilla Ice) as himself.

SHOTS. SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS. SEXY TIME.

There is a lot to potentially dislike about this movie. They rely on a lot of slapstick, poop joke like humor. Fat strippers, sex with old people, a different sex act that is arguably very very gross (which is a funny thing to say, if you knew what it was). And Adam Sandler doing an annoying voice. But there is a bunch that you could like too.

It seemed like the character was trying to rekindle the bond that used to exist, to fix his past wrongs, to be known for something other than banging a hot teacher. It did feel pretty heartfelt at points, from both sides, with enough Vanilla Ice to make everyone excited.

I enjoyed watching it, laughing out loud on multiple occasions, but I doubt it’s going to be a film I seek out to buy anytime in the near future.

My last foray into the 3D movie territory was with watching Coraline, but that was using the classic blue/red scheme and everything in my brain got messed up. But this new 3D that they are using at theaters? I tried it once, three years ago, with Avatar. Movie is pretty old now, turns out. So three years have passed since then, I’d like to think that the 3D technology and jumped leaps and bounds at this point, and should be all BAM. IN YOUR FACE.

THE THIRD DIMENSION.
YEAH.

So of course my second ever attempt at a new 3D movie, I figured why not go to Katy Perry: Part Of Me.

Aww, look at the happy couple. True love and all. Err.

Speaking of concert movies, this is my third one, and second one to be based off a single famous artist. First of course was Bieber, and second Glee. And just like before, I have no idea how to review them.

This movie is suppose to show a different part of Katy Perry, and more of her past, that the average person doesn’t (or doesn’t care to know). All this with a world concert series that she was going on for almost a whole year, with roughly only a few days off ever 2-3 weeks. And what did she do with those few days off? Go see the love of her life, her husband, Russell Brand of course!

Now I forgot in my timeline when their divorce happened, and assumed it was in the summer. I thought all the talk about their love was just a tragic joke, and the movie was finished before they broke up. But nope, that definitely did happen during the movie, and it was sad as shit. But you know what? Katy Perry still did her show that night. Didn’t cancel a single thing, despite all those tears. That’s some dedication.

Katy’s youth was with a super Christian family, her parents traveling preachers. Her first album as a teen was signed to a gospel production company outside of Nashville. But she wanted more. Turns out when she got to LA for music purposes outside of religious, she was pretty much signed right away. Since 2001. But clearly wasn’t famous yet. She didn’t like kissing a girl until 2008, leaving her 6-7 years of struggling musicianness before getting it big. That was while writing a lot of her own music too, and the normal story of “oh I don’t want to be the new Avril / Spears, I want to be me!” like talk.

I am sure it is real, but maybe overblown for the purposefulness of the film.

Ohhh, I get the cover now. She dreamed of being a star in her room, and now she is! How clever!

So yeah, despite being an overnight sensation, she wasn’t an immediate success, which is nice to know. And (although it obviously has to be a part of the reason), she doesn’t seem to be some girl hired for her boobs to sing other people’s songs with lots of autotune, a pop standard. The movie did a real good job of humanizing her.

Honestly, if you didn’t feel sad while she laid int the chair realizing Russell Brand wanted a divorce and could not stop crying or talk to anyone, you are a robot. Which would explain your dance moves.

The actual concert spliced through it seemed really well done and entertaining. Surprisingly, Firework was not the last song. Go figure. I think it just needed (like all of these) less fans freaking out and recording stuff, I don’t care about other normal people’s love. They can stop that.

Also there are some mini interviews, including Adele and Rihanna. Why? Because Katy Perry had 5 number 1 singles from 1 album, only person to do that besides Michael Jackson. And he got a movie recently too, so why not Katy?

The review of this doesn’t matter, you won’t see it if you hate her music probably. You probably also won’t if you like her music. I will say it is a bit more interesting than the other concert films I’ve done. But if she is just a fad in five years, then ehh, who cares.

Savages!

There is a bunch of them in this town, and they are barely even human.

That is all the pop culture I can pick up from that word. Two is a fair amount, hopefully this movie gives me another.

Look at those BRUTES, those SAVAGES, sitting in California and looking fantastic. Sickens me, every time.

O (Blake Lively), short for Ophelia, is the narrator of this tale, and born rich local of Laguna Beach, California. She meets Chon and Ben, working for their pot empire. POT EMPIRE? This movie is about drugs oh no!

Chon (Taylor Kitsch) is a former marine, serving in Iran and Afghanistan, and when asked by Ben, he assured him that Afghanistan had the world’s best pot. Ben (Aaron Johnson) is a free thinker, okay hippie, with big world visions involving giving water to Africa and stuff. But also hey drugs. He has a degree in Business and Botany, and he gets Chon to get some of those seeds back to the states. They are able to grow them with great attention, giving them ridiculously high THC percentages, and make an empire in California where they are rich and can donate a lot to the world charities. Chon is also the muscle, he has a few Iraq buddies to help them out in dire situations.

They’ve been giving cutbacks to a local DEA higher up (John Travolta) for years to keep their business sailing, but when a Mexican Cartel from Tijuana wants to hire them for three years, to use their pot, resources, and people, they get a little bit worried. Especally when the offer presented by one of their lawyers (Demian Bichir) turns out to be more of a demand, and them saying no can get them in a lot of shit.

More or less, it results in the kidnapping of O from both of them. Oh who is O? Their mutual girlfriend. She sexes up everyone. And she loves them both for different reasons, but it leads to nothing bad between the guys so it should be fine. So now Chon and Ben have to try and save her, not die, avoid their really bad ass hit man Lado (Benicio Del Toro) and convince Elena (Salma Hayek), the head of the organization to let them go freely with O, at any cost.

What a fucking great character. No jokes for you, just that fact bomb.

Turns out this movie has a lot of unlikable characters in it. Pretty much no one is the type of person you’d want to root for. So it was hard to really watch the movie on that aspect, as it was a lot of gray area. Unfortunately, the character I liked the least, O, was also the narrator. The dialogue for the narration was bad, and the character was like a spoiled rich kid who has no problems, until the movie. And I don’t think really anyone would care about her, or her kidnapping and constant danger. It sucks, but its true. Let her die, I say. Solves most of the movies problems.

The other big issue I felt was the ending. It didn’t really seem to fit the rest of the movie, almost felt lame. It was different, for sure. But not what I would have wanted. If you see it, you will understand.

But other than that, great performance from Benicio Del Toro, who looked completely different in this movie. Also, Aaron Johnson? He looks ten years older at least than he did from Kick-Ass, and not at all the same. I was shocked when I realized it was the same guy.

At first I thought The Ramen Girl was going to be one of Brittany Murphy‘s last movies, but she still had 5-6 come out after this one. Bah! Now I have to watch Something Wicked, that wasn’t released until this year.

Creepy.

Hey Brittany. That isn’t just inappropriate in Japan. It is inappropriate everywhere! Put some clothes on!

Abby (Murphy) is a girl who has recently moved to Tokyo! That is in Japan! She is super white and blonde and stands out a bit. But whatever. She has a job at some office, but they rarely use her, so her days are boring. But at least she has a boyfriend she loves and lives with! Who then has to go to Osaka for business and it might be awhile before he returns. She wants to go too! He says no. And a break up.

Awk. Now she is alone in Tokyo, doesn’t speak Japanese yet, and you know, crying. But she sees a Ramen shop nearby, and it looks enticing. AH FUCK ITS CLOSED. DAMN IT. NOTHING WILL GO RIGHT RARWRAWRWAR.

Because it is hard to ignore a crying white woman, the shop owner Maezumi (Toshiyuki Nishida) and wife Reiko (Kimiko Yo) open up and let her have some ramen. Probably the best thing she’s ever had in ever. She starts going their daily, being the highlight of her day. One day she realizes it is apparently a difficult craft to be the ultimate Ramen maker, and she wants to learn to do it. Damn it.

Especially since she hates her job, she convinces Maezumi to become her Sensei in the art of Ramen, willing to spend her whole day at the shop to learn the craft. Might even find a nice Japanese boy who can speak English, like Toshi Iwamoto (Sohee Park). Yeah, that’d be good.

But more importantly, can Abby become the ultimate Ramen chef supreme? Or you know, just start using those 10-20 cent ramen packs with flavoring. Those are pretty awesome too.

Wash Off, and Wash off some more. This is time to clean.

So if you couldn’t tell already, this is pretty much The Karate Kid, meets cooking noodles. Frankly, I think the entire point of the movie is to tell Americans that Ramen noodle cooking in Japan is a serious business, and takes awhile, and the shit we have here is shit.

But I still don’t buy it. Can’t fool me Japan. It’s just noodles in broth, with seasoning and stuff. Maybe plated sexy in a bowl. You can’t fool me, movies!

Overall it was an okay movie. If for whatever reason you like seeing Brittany Murphy cry, she does that a lot in the movie. Every once in awhile, while laughing, I could hear “Luanne” come out of her, and that was odd. But a mostly predictable story, where Murphy cries and gets hit in the head a lot. But never gives up, damn it.

Somehow The Hunger Games came out to theaters in March, and I still was able to see it in a theater a few days ago. Crazier, considering the DVD comes out in a couple weeks (on a Saturday? Wtf?). Either way, yay Capitalism.

And woo to the future! Woo to human sacrifices!

In this future, America is split up into 12 Districts, and a Capital somewhere in the Rockies. There was a revolution, the capital won, and to pay tribute each district has to send 2 individuals aged 12-18, male and female, every year, to fight to the death. What?! Yeah, kind of fucked up and random. 80 years later, shit is still happening.

Our heroes are from the 12th District, somewhere in Appalachia, bunch of coal miners. Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) is really good with a bow, in her late teens, and has a younger sister Primrose (Willow Shields) about to be up for her first Reaping ceremony. Also, some dude, Gale (Liam Hemsworth), probably has a thing going with Katniss, but isn’t really important to this movie. Maybe later!

But yeah, at the choosing ceremony, of course Primarose gets randomly chosen, super unlucky. Katniss is like, no, none of this shit. Doesn’t want her sister to die, so volunteers in her place. The boy picked is some nobody, Peter Mellark (Josh Hutcherson). So Effie Trinket (Elizabeth Banks), the head kid snatcher, takes them to the capital, to represent district 12 and stuff.

Wait a minute. That was Elizabeth Banks? Picture now.

Da fuq?

How in the heck is that Elizabeth Banks? I am completely taken aback by that fact. And man was that character annoying. She won a damn MTV movie award for Best On Screen Transformation, so at least MTV agrees with me.

They go to the capital, get their training on. Have a mentor who won from District 12 a long time ago, Haymitch Abernathy (Woody Harrelson), kind of an alcoholic. Also some fashion designer to help? I didn’t know what Cinna (Lenny Kravitz) did. Stanley Tucci is an Emcee, Wes Bentley runs the game, and Donald Sutherland is the president.

Also, I think Jennifer Lawrence looked like an older Anna Popplewell this whole damn movie.

I definitely felt this movie was too long, and probably a better book than a movie. It had the feeling of a movie that wanted to fit everything from the book into the movie, but couldn’t, yet still tried. You know? Tons of what I feel as unnecessary scenes. And some wtf scenes. There was a riot in this movie, in another district, and I have no idea why it would have happened. Zero reasons why it happened in this tournament, and not any time in the 70 or 80 before hand. Just out of no where.

A lot felt confusing to me. The first half almost feels like it is entirely about impressing sponsors, but never fully explain it. When the tournament started, I was thinking “How the fuck is there no sponsors yet? What the hell is going on?” Far too much time on something unexplained.

And lastly I kind of got a head ache. They did some extreme shaky cam stuff with this movie. The movie had a good plot and acting. But my head hurt, because all of the action that the movie should have, given it is about a kill all the people tournament, was covered up by making it unintelligible. But it wasn’t just the killing. Just normal District 12 life was shaky cam. They rotated around Effie’s face in so many directions during her first speech, I got dizzy. And the zoom ins. They loved zooming in way too close to stuff. Just felt like an annoying mess, and less of a movie.

So really the biggest complaints are technical issues. And what felt like too much extra, pointless story line. I think this is what happens when you have the writer of the books trying to help with screen play and script. They feel everything is important. Totally isn’t.

History is written by the victors, definitely something you’ve heard before. If not get some education, damn it.

But it is true. Just like dead men tell no tales. Undead men can tell tales, however.

Alternative histories are usually exciting to watch, as you watch events you know definitely occurred, with other questionable events spliced in between. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is no different. What this movie is, is a ‘biography’ of the secret life of Honest Abe, as he protected America both from itself and from the blood sucking swarm of the night.

Training is best when it is also practical.

Abe Lincoln (Benjamin Walker) grew up in Indiana, with his parents on a plantation. But when his black friend’s family was being sent to the slave trade, despite being free citizens, Abe put himself in harm’s way to protect his friend Will Johnson (Anthony Mackie). This caused his dad to get upset with the plantation owner, Jack Barts (Marton Csokas), who then threatened the Lincoln family if they left his services. Which they did.

But that is a shame, because Jack Barts is totally a vampire, who got his revenge on Abe’s mother that night, and pushing Abe to enact revenge. Nine years later, he tries. And motherfucking Jack Barts is a vampire! And doesn’t die! No worries, mysterious stranger Henry Sturges (Dominic Cooper) saves him, and after some time, agrees to train Abe in the art of vampire hunting. But only if he ignores his revenge, and is willing to listen to everything he says. Sure.

But then after training he moves to Springfield, to study up being a “lawyer”. Ends up finding a job at a local store run by Joshua Speed (Jimmi Simpson) and falling head over heels in love with a Mary Todd (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). During his vampire killing duties, he develops relationships with people (oh no!) and even becomes more politically involved. Gotta stop the slave trade. Real people. And its run by vampires in the South to eat from.

But if he were to stop the slave trade, the vampires would no longer be satiated and move more north. He’d be putting a hex on the entirety of America if he were to give equal rights to people. Hell, that’d probably cause the vampires to join the South in war. Lead by the head vampire, Adam (Rufus Sewall), will Honest Abe be able to stop slavery, end the vampire threat in America, and maintain his presidential life style all at the same time?

“Bitch tryin’ to kick me? Don’t you know who I am? I’m a muthhafuckin Vampire Hunter!”

Alright, so obviously this is kind of a dumb movie. You know vampires aren’t real, and you know this didn’t happen. But hey, if it was well done and had good action scenes, probably worth it. Why not, right?

Well unfortunately, as a budget saving measure I guess, the action scenes were lacking in luster. They had good ideas, but making them work with CGI? Ehh. Half of the fight scenes, you cannot tell what is going on. Either general blurryness, lots of dust, or fire. Fuck that noise. Movies have proven they can do intense fight scenes and make all of it easy to see. Some movies don’t want to put in that effort, and gimp out when it comes to them. So that is a negative for the movie.

Somewhat slow plot at times, and historical time frame that doesn’t seem consistent with reality. Other things that bug me. But doesn’t change the fact that the idea for the movie was an interesting one, just a poor execution at some of the parts that really mattered.

People Like Us is a movie that actually went to theaters, but I never really heard of it. Heck, still in theaters. I only knew about it because I saw a preview for it in WTEWYE, and was like “Hey, I’ll watch that!” You know. Because I will watch anything.

The cast didn’t hurt the cause either.

Sam (Chris Pine) hates his dad. He also works a potentially sketch job where he buys overstocked goods and trades them to other countries, for profit. Bartering stuff. Currently living with girlfriend Hannah (Olivia Wilde), who is applying to law school, living the dream in NYC. But hey look, he gets in trouble with his job and then his dad dies. Awk. Despite his best attempts, he flies out to LA for the funeral to hang out with his mom (Michelle Pfeiffer). Their relationship is bit strange.

On the will, all he Sam gets is his dads old records, until the lawyer shows up and lets him know of another secret thing left behind. A shaving kit with 150 thousand dollars inside. Hooray! But a note? To give to some kid, Josh Davies (Michael Hall D’Addario). But why? Time to be a spy. He look, he has a mom, that makes since, Frankie (Elizabeth Banks). But she sees upset. Apparently her dad died too.

What’s that, secret family?! Oh shit. Now Sam has a half sister and half-nephew (?) that he never knew about, and has to give him all this money when he himself is having financial trouble? Well clearly the only thing left to do is enter their lives on a false pretense, and learn more about his secret family, before telling them the truth and the money he holds.

Also, Mark Duplass plays a neighbor and very small role.

“So I am just going to be sketch and in your life, and drive your kid around. Is that cool?”

This movie got pretty intense at times, and man did Chris Pine get smacked a lot. Too much. Come on people, women beating on men shouldn’t be seen as okay either.

Also, this movie got super weird at times. Keeping the fact that you are a half brother a secret to your half sister? Super sketch, especially if both people are attractive and you are way overly nice.

Overall I found most of the acting to be pretty good for the film, that was also touching at the same time. It is one of those call your parents right after and fix your problems, movies. Or else you know, regret. Death and shit.

But at the same time it was far too slow at parts, and the whole plotline involving him avoiding the law and getting jail time was super weird. They definitely didn’t flesh that out, just swept it under the rug, and ignored it. That bugged me a lot, finish your storyline.

But still, the ending? Dawwwwwww.

Babies, babies, so many babies. Well not as many babies (or as intense) as the movie Babies, but there is still quite a few in What To Expect When You’re Expecting.

Also, as you’d expect, there is a lot of talk about genitalia, so if you hate the word vagina, or the many different versions of that word possible, you might be uncomfortable in this film. But you don’t have to see any. Not like in Babies.

“Now I want y’all to repeat after me: penis, penis, penis; vagina, vagina, vagina!”

Given the large nature of this comedy, and the fact that it is about 5~ different couples/storylines that are loosely connected going through pregnancy related stories, this is another review where I just have to show off the different characters. Yay ‘easy’ to type plot lines.

Jules (Cameron Diaz) is a fitness instructor for a Biggest Loser like show, and on a Dancing With The Stars like show, with professional dancer Evan (Matthew Morrison). They have a few month fling, and whoops pregnant. So they have to try their hand at a relationship, that is scrutinized in the tabloids/media, while they fight over every baby thing, but mostly just circumcision.

Holly (Jennifer Lopez) can’t actually have a baby and wants to adopt. But her husband Alex (Rodrigo Santoro) seems to be having a problem getting into the adoption process fully. They also have to deal with monetary issues, and looking for a new house, while Alex is forced to join a Dad Squad. A group of new~ dad’s (Chris Rock, Rob Huebel, Amir Talai, Thomas Lennon) who go on long walks with their kids, talk about problems, support each other, don’t judge, and also weirdly idolize a local athlete (Joe Manganiello).

Rosie (Anna Kendrick) runs a cheese based food truck with her friends, competing with the other local food trucks, including a pork based food truck ran by Marco (Chase Crawford). They almost had a fling in high school, but bad things happened and they never hit it off. But once the heat of the competition happens, they find themselves in a one night sexy time, which of course, leads to pregnancy. Now they have to try to figure out what to do, when they aren’t even in a real relationship.

Wendy (Elizabeth Banks) runs a strange mother shop, full of pregnancy items and books and accessories, and has been trying for two years to get pregnant with her husband Gary (Ben Falcone). Once it finally occurs, she is so happy, yet she seems to get none of the benefits of pregnancy, only the negative side effects. Where is her glow damn it? She also has an assistant to help run her shop, Janice (Rebel Wilson) who has no idea about anything.

But unfortunately for them, Gary’s dad is a big hot shot race car driver. Or else he used to be. Now Ramsey (Dennis Quaid) lives in a mansion, and has everything going right for him (minus his relationship with his son). He even has a younger (than his son) wife, Skyler (Brooklyn Decker). And after one try, boom pregnant as well. And twins! She also has the perfect pregnancy, no problems at all, keeps her amazing looks, and no worries.

So pretty much everything that could deal with pregnancy at all, involving adoption, fertilization, marriage problems, weight gain, miscarriages, c-sections, drugs, PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING EVER, that could deal with the babies. You know, so you can expect it all.

The female Jonah Hill was in this movie. Almost everything said is quotable.

So yeah, pregnancy, am I right?

True story, I laughed in this film, and maybe even cried. Some stuff was touching, and I almost was going to be pissed at the ending (but thankfully the event in question didn’t happen).

Really this movie is like four movies in one, all with the topic of starting a family. Some of these movies would be great on their own too, such as the Kendrick/Chase plot line. Loved it. I think the Banks/Falcone + Quaid storyline would make on its own a decent movie as well, but it is kind of the main plot line in this movie so not as necessary. Diaz/Morrison? That one was pretty weak. Lopez/Santoro would have probably just been a lame comedy, in the vein of Grown Ups or Daddy Day Care.

But man, was Rebel Wilson pretty funny. Most of the time. Good for her. Anna Kendrick also kicked ass, and not just because of my mini-crush on her. Glad she is out of the Twilight films now, so she can do more roles, instead of 5s of footage in those films.

A lot of times when figuring out what a movie is about you can break down the words in the title to get a good clue.

For Echelon Conspiracy, there is two words. Conspiracy? Alright, government is probably involved, a cover up, crime and shit. Fun.

Echelon? Alright well fuck you too movie.

Even the main characters can’t figure out the Echelon part ahead of time.

Max Peterson (Shane West) works for a security company, specifically computer based technologies, and is overseas finishing installation to a system. When he checks into his hotel, he receives a package. Inside the package? A wicked cool new cell phone. Sweet. He assumes it is from the hotel, and receives a text telling him to stay an extra day, and why not, he does. Turns out his original flight home crashed. Whoops. That would have sucked, you know dying.

He is unable to tell where the cell phone comes from, but it keeps giving him good advice with texts. So why not follow him. Heck, it even takes him to a casino, tells him which machine to go to, and how far it is from a jackpot. And shit, he is right about that too. Takes his money to a black jack table, told to bet it all, black jack. Shit is crazy! Casino doesn’t like that. Head of security John Reed (Edward Burns) is trying to figure out whats up with his luck, notes his phone and they make him turn it off. But now he loves gambling and the money. He contacts a Russian cab driver Yuri Malanin (Sergey Gubanov) he had earlier, who sells accessories, to let him turn his texts into voice into an earpiece. Yay more cheating!

But once he gets a even bigger jackpot, security tries to throw him out when he is instead intercepted by Agent Dave Grant (Ving Rhames). Oh shit, the NSA? Apparently other people have received these messages/phones, all random people. First comes wealth, then random instructions, then death. Max is the only one they have found alive before that happens and want to find out where the texts are coming from.

Even the head of the NSA (Martin Sheen) gets involved. But shit really hits the fan when they find out it is coming from Echelon, a very smart computer device they have built, to protect America and what America stands for. But no one is using Echelon, which has access to all phones/emails/security cameras, to do this. Nope. The machine has become sentient, and is planning something potentially catastrophic.

Also, there is a random girl played by Tamara Feldman who doesn’t really add anything to the movie in my eyes.

Knock Knock! Who’s there? Holy fuck why are your eyes that big?!

I loved this movie. Well, the beginning. It was a lot more entertaining when it was secretive still. But after it turned into a sentient computer, and wondering what it wanted, there was still over half the movie to go. Hmm. Seems to lose its appeal at that point. Why not just stop doing what it says? Except for the fact that it will choose someone else, but still, calm down guys. If you know what is doing it, make it stop at the source, and you are good.

They just take forever to get to that conclusion, and try to throw a lot of ethical freedom stuff in the movie, that isn’t at all clever, and all kind of lame.

I am surprised it had a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes, but only like 12 people reviewed it. Not the normal (hundreds?) Not sure. Weird site.

Good beginning, bad everything else. For shame.