Tag: 2 out of 4

I hope I am not a wanted man. To be more specific, I don’t want to be wanted for like, violent awkward crimes and have to go on the run. I wouldn’t mind being wanted for my dashing good lucks, charismatic hair, or my sweet sweet movie trivia skills.

I definitely wouldn’t want to be wanted after I am dead either. Like, you know, Philip Seymour Hoffman. A Most Wanted Man is apparently his last leading role that he had completed post death, so just like fucking Brick Mansions, it will definitely increase the sales by some amount.

Clearly this will be a film about terrorism though, based on the title. Terrorism. So hot right now.

Definitely one of the most impressive “investigation walls” I have ever seen.

This movie is set in the world famous Hamburg, Germany, known for its tasty mountains of meat that appear every few blocks. More importantly, an Al Qaeda terrorist cells was in Hamburg in secret, which eventually lead to some of its members becoming key operatives in the 9/11 Terrorist attacks. Who would have thought such a magical place would have such terrible atrocities associated with it?

Because of their terror issues, Günther Bachmann (Philip Seymour Hoffman) leads a German espionage team who have been surveillancing the local Muslim community. One of those fool me once sort of situations. Which some how leads them to Issa Karpov (Grigoriy Dobrygin), a Chechen who has snuck into Hamburg. Chechens are the new North Korea.

Issa is using an immigration lawyer (Rachel McAdams) to help him out. Apparently his dad has a large sum of money in a bank (run by Willem Dafoe) and he wants to get it, but he is an illegal citizen.

Günther and his team have heard from Russia that he is associated with terrorism. And now he wants a large sum of money. They also have a suspect, Dr. Abdullah (Homayoun Ershadi), who they believe is funneling money into groups but without any proof. Hmm. This is very interesting again.

Some terrorism shit must be going down!

Also featuring Rainer Bock, Robin Wright, and Daniel Brühl.

A most wanted lawyer, amirite?

A Most Wanted Man ends up being a sort of political thriller/drama. But is it the political drama/thriller that we need or deserve? That question doesn’t really make sense.

To me, I am a bit disappointed by the film. I liked the plot, it had a bunch going for it, but in the end, it felt like it was going too slow for me. The acting was fine, not spectacular. The plot ended up being only fine as well.

I am also finding it hard to really explain what in particular I liked and didn’t like. Again, only because the film seemed to drag. Not to imply that I have any form of adult ADHD, but I just wish more happened throughout the film instead of a lot of waiting.

It is an okay movie, but not Hoffman’s best work. At least it is better than Brick Mansions.

I don’t often use the democratic process when working on my website, but I like to keep things interesting. Because I only go to 1 pre-screening a week now, I have to sometimes make difficult decisions on what I want to watch now and watch later. I had FOUR choices this weeks of screenings, and since none of them were Foxcatcher, I took to Facebook and Twitter to let the people decide.

And overwhelmingly, the people decided on Rosewater.

Like most people, the only thing I knew about Rosewater is that it was directed by Jon Stewart. And that is it. Current events be damned, sometimes I don’t keep up with all of the happenings all around the world.

Don’t look too shocked, I am just super America-centric.

Rosewater is the true story of journalist Maziar Bahari (Gael García Bernal), a guy who worked for Newsweek in London. Mazier was born in Tehran, Iran, but he left it to go to Canada to get the college education and has mostly stayed away since then. Now, in London, he has a pregnant wife (Claire Foy) and things are looking good. They are sending him to Iran to cover a new election. It is a big one, because a dude who has been there forever and very religious might actually lose the election. The people are clamoring and demanding change, so they are going to maybe elect a professor who wants to help his country grow.

Very exciting times.

But while there, he ends up hanging out with some activists who are really anti the current Iranian government. Thanks to them, he can see Iran as it really is, with the protests and the underground movements. And when the conservative guy wins again? Iran blows up. Figuratively. Protests, anger, rah rah rah. Now Maziar is there a lot longer than he expected. Oh well. As long as he doesn’t do anything illegal, he should be good.

Well, he gets locked up anyways. Just for filming and showing it on the news. And he gets called a spy. And he has to stay in solitary confinement, with blindfolds, for almost 120 days, while they mentally torture him believing him to be an American spy. Weeee~

Also featuring Kim Bodnia, Dimitri Leonidas, Haluk Bilginer, Shohreh Aghdashloo, and Golshifteh Farahani.

He probably got a lot of sleep with that thing too.

In case you didn’t know, the reason why Jon Stewart felt compelled to tell this story in movie form is because The Daily Show had ties to Maziar. Maziar was interviewed by The Daily Show when he was in Iran for this election in which he was jokingly called a spy along with other terrorist jokes. The Iranian government used that interview as part of their proof that he was in fact a spy, despite the nature of the show. Yeah, Jon probably felt pretty bad. But they go over that in the movie.

In case you didn’t know where the title came from, Rosewater is a scent and the main interrogator for Maziar had that type of cologne or whatever smell on him. However, awkwardly enough, the movie didn’t really explain or say that, from what I can tell. Just a small snippet about it at the beginning and then never really brought it up again. Seems to be an important point.

Rosewater really is just an average movie. I liked the cinematography, but the aspects of it as a complete film are probably Jon Stewart’s faults. It felt like a movie 10 years ago showing the few “social activism” scenes, like trending hashtags and news reports about his situation. They stood out way too much and seemed like a way to escape the film and the horrible conditions Maziar was in. Because of the frequent interruptions and weird way to present his imprisonment, I rarely could connect with him. It just didn’t feel serious enough.

I also couldn’t really figure out the purpose of this is, outside of maybe letting more people know that Iran government is kind of corrupt. It was a shitty situation, but one that also kind of got resolved pretty easily and the whole thing just felt…weird. I heard there was a documentary on the same subject, it is probably a better source of information and maybe even more entertaining.

Canada.

It has to be Canada’s fault. That is what you would think when you hear of the term Zombeavers. Clearly a country who worships the proud and noble animal would make a horror/comedy based on them turning into the undead feasting for brains.

But nope. You’d be wrong. This movie is all America, baby. And it isn’t even set in Canada. Just a nice cabin in the woods by a lake. A classic tale if any.

Whatever the reasoning behind this film, I do appreciate the way the two words line up. Bloody brilliant.

Pun about beavers and feet stumps.

Three ladies, driving to a vacation in a cabin in the woods. How any real horror movie starts.

It was supposed to involve boyfriends, but apparently Sam (Hutch Dano) cheated on Jenn (Lexi Atkins). So they now want to make Jenn feel better, so Zoe (Cortney Palm) and Mary (Rachel Melvin) have to leave their men at home.

Of course, the place has no cell reception, and maybe some creepy individuals. Like a local hunter, Smyth (Rex Linn), who tells them to cover up their bodies more. Whatadick.

And it should be noted, I guess, that some apathetic delivery drivers lost a canister of radioactive material near the lake. Went down the stream right to the beaver dam.

And don’t worry, they aren’t just strange mutated killer beavers either. They are literally undead with all the characteristics that an undead zombie beaver would and should have.

Also with Peter Gilroy and Jake Weary, as the other boyfriends.

Pun about beavers and women.

Now, this movie is a tribute to B-Movies done right. Not shitty for shitty sake. But interesting and unique with arguably a dumb plot. That is what we want in our low budget weird horrors, damn it.

The beginning and end had me laughing more than I figured, but other than that, most of the comedy just game from snide remarks from characters and the ridiculousness look of the zombeavers. Hand puppets or something, not bad terrible CGI. Added some more uniqueness to it.

It was obviously not the best film of the genre, and wasn’t terrible unique in terms of plot. Basically just zombie film, but with beavers. But it still had some very unique scenes and ways the characters interacted with the threat that made it feel a bit more interesting.

I am super stoked that they made them zombies and just not mutated beavers, by the way. It provided a way more entertaining ending than just killer beavers.

And also, we have to give the film some props for such unique advertising.

Ruining child classics is one of Hollywood’s favorite past times.

But this is not one of those examples. Because Hollywood is not behind this movie, just some low budget independent company. That’s right. The Boxcar Children, a book made in the 1920s and repopularized in the 1940s, it then spawned 159 follow up books and specials. WHAT. More impressively, they are are still making more. Four of them came out this year and a few are scheduled for 2015 already.

Of course, that series after the first book decided to go completely boring and make it a strange good-natured mystery series.

But hey, I read The Boxcar Children in like, second grade. In fact, it is the first legit book I have read. It had zero pictures, something called chapters and I didn’t read like 8 of them in one reading session.

So bring on the kids who do good things and live in the woods.

And who are as happy at winning as that one spelling bee kid.

Four kids. All brothers and sisters. And no parents. Wandering around, sleeping in bakeries, paying for bread with money they presumably earned by helping old ladies cross the street.

We got Henry (Zachary Gordon) 14 and technically the leader because he is oldest. Next is Jessie (Joey King), 12 year old girl, who is the mom figure and thus the cook. She runs things when Henry is out earning change for a living. After that is Violet (Mackenzie Foy) who I have nothing of note to say outside of the color purple and she is kind of weak and useless. But not as weak and useless as Benny (Jadon Sand) who is six and has no redeeming qualities outside of being cared for by others.

They are wandering around because their mom died or something and they don’t want to go to their mean old grandparents home. So they literally ran away, walking from town to town, being runaways with a 6 year old kid.

They are afraid of getting put in orphanages so they run into the woods afraid of some baker couple. And hey look, a box car from a train on an abandoned track for some reason. K. So they live there.

And story. Also with voice talents from Martin Sheen, J.K. Simmons, D.B. Sweeney, and Audrey Wasilewski.

They literally have to drag that kid along it looks like.

And now, my analysis where I talk mostly about how creepy the movie looks.

Man, this animated film is super creepy. Not like, uncanny valley creepy, like it is so close to human just a slight step away. No, it is just creepy because the animation is really really bad. Like, worse than video game bad. Like worse than Hoodwinked Too!. Like beyond terrible. Like before PSX graphics bad. I just don’t get it. The Snow Queen was an independent movie from like Russia and they had better animation than this one.

Watching characters eat or grab things, but having that object floating next to their hand and not holding it. And the animation was especially bad with water. And unfortunately they seem to awkwardly interact with it throughout the movie.

Gah. The animation. Gah gah gah.

The story itself? Well, it follows the book pretty darn closely. That is good for your purists. But it also turns out that the book doesn’t have a whole lot going on for it. It is a pretty boring story. But if you liked and remembered the books, then you might enjoy this not completely shit animated film version of it. But I am disappointed in that a nice live action version is something I might enjoy more. Then it won’t feel so damn creepy.

When I first saw a trailer for The Book Of Life, I was taken aback with the animation styling. And the story line. And everything about it. Well, everything but one thing.

Guillermo del Toro‘s name was attached to the picture. Really? I like del Toro, so I found that surprising because it didn’t seem like something that he heavily influenced. Outside of the Mexican influence, it just didn’t seem like his work. But I decided to give it a benefit of the doubt. There is reasoning behind the animation style, there is some cultural significance to the whole picture, and damn it. It might be excellent.

If you didn’t know, this movie has something to do with the Day of the Dead, which takes place from Halloween to Nov 2. In particular, they call Nov 2 the Day of the Dead, as that is the day that they celebrate the gravestones of their family members and party in their remembrance, the central theme to the story.

The non central theme hopefully is searching for this mythical Book of Life that gives everyone super powers. I hope.

Oh shit, those kids found it! Run! Chaos everywhere! Ahh!

Mexico in this case is the center of the universe, not only that, but the center of Mexico is a place that looks like a guitar surrounded by water, in San Angel. That is where a lot of shenanigans take place, given its central location. I guess I should explain the afterlife. Get ready for some facts. Everyone knows that once people die, their spirits go to a really sexy place where they party all day and all night and live with their families and friends! La Muerte (Kate del Castillo) rules the Land of the Remembered and it is totally fetch. But there is another afterlife place. The Land of the Forgotten, ruled by Xibalba (Ron Perlman). That is not a fun place. You see, if people in the Land of the Forgotten ever forget about someone that has died, the spirit gets moved to the Land of the Forgotten for the rest of eternity. Not a fun time at all. 🙁 🙁 🙁

Xibalba of course doesn’t like his job and wants to rule the cool place, so they make bets and wages all the time over the lives of humans to determine who rules what.

So they see these three kids running around. Manolo (Diego Luga) with his guitar and sensitivity, Joaquin (Channing Tatum) who likes to sword fight and wants to be a soldier, and of course, sweet sweet Maria (Zoe Saldana) the object of their affection and daughter of the general.

Bets! They place them. Xibalba picks Joaquin to eventually marry Maria, and La Muerte picks Manolo. If Xibalba wins, he gets to rule the Land of the Remembered, but if La Muete wins, Xibalba has to stop interfering with the lives of humans. Oh golly.

The fate of so much on such a little arrangement. And who is to say the girl will marry either boy? Pfft. Gods.

Also featuring the voice acting talent of Christina Applegate, Ice Cube, Carlos Alazraqui, Danny Trejo, and Hector Elizondo.

Not to be weird, but that is the sexiest hair I have seen on a CGI wooden puppet ever.

Turns out, del Toro didn’t have a lot to do with this movie. Sure, he was involved on some level as a producer, but he wasn’t even the executive producer. He probably provided some nice funding and helped design the Land of the Remembered, because it was vibrant and unique, but not sure what else he might have done.

A lot of music in this movie, and about half of it (or more) were actual songs but with a lot more mariachi feel to them. We got Creep and I Will Wait and much more. I think there is also unique music, but I just might not be hip enough on the music scene to get the references.

I think this is a hard movies for kids to follow. A lot is going on, a lot of characters are good and just misunderstood. After all, Xibalba isn’t a bad guy, just looks bad. Joaquin isn’t a bad guy either. The only bad guy is a bandito who doesn’t show up til the end, and I will say, he had very entertaining fight scenes.

The movie has a lot of spirit and energy, but I just found it hard to really relate to anyone. Or the story itself. It just ended up on the “okay” spectrum, which was disappointing, as I figured this one would be one of the best films of the year. Maybe I made a mistake in picking The Book Of Life over The Boxtrolls. I hope not!

Yeah, yeah, I know what you are thinking. “Didn’t you just review this movie?” Nooo, that was The ABCs Of Death! This is the sequel! You see, The ABCs of Death came out like, last year or 2012, depending on who you ask. This one is new, it is fresh, and that is why I had to rush it out before Halloween. On the same week as the original.

The concept is of course exactly the same. In The ABCs Of Death 2, we have 26 new short stories, one for every letter of the alphabet, with some repeat directors, some new people, and overall, a lot less subtitles.

If the man on the left represents this franchise and the woman represents the average film goer…

With the second iteration, I feel like I should note that the overall tone of the movie seems to have changed a lot. Technically it is still a horror comedy, but there is a lot lot less comedy and a lot more tales going for a serious horror/thriller short. Like, a lot of them.

For instance, guess how many of these shorts are about farting and dying from farts? Well, 0, which is definitely less than the first film.

Here are some other notable differences – Every short is a story, and there are no meta stories unlike the first film. I think there are more animated/claymation/etc shorts than the first film, of which I think only had a couple. This one didn’t have a lot either, but there were more. And of course, one of the shorts made me want to throw up, everywhere, and still makes me feel comfortable.

And it definitely wasn’t the bros versus hoes segment.

Seriously. I am going to do my best and not tell you what any letter means. And it will be simple, because I am typing this and not talking directly to you. Z. The ending of this film is fucked up. Super fucked up. Like. Really really cringe inducing, gross, yucky yuck, bllaarrrghghghghg. I had to send my loved one out of the room when it was happening so that she wouldn’t experience any of it and refused to tell her about it. It was just that bad and even describing it doesn’t feel like the right thing to do.

And you know what? I guess that makes it kind of awesome. They wanted to freak me out, they did, and that is hard for a lot of horror films to do. Z will unfortunately stick with me for a long time, but that also speaks out to its uniqueness.

In other news, on a whole, I think I technically disliked this one more than the first. I thought the first was okay, and overall, this one too was okay. There is so much diversity and stories, it is hard for a single bad one to drag it all down, or a great one to elevate it. There is just so much average, that after watching it, I can only really remember a few of them anymore. The extremes.

I know I am mostly alone when I say I disliked this one more than the first, as most people liked how it was less humorous, but I thought the humor aspects gave the first one some sense of identity. I think it has to either embrace the comedic element more fully and equally, or get rid of it completely and go straight 26 tales of fright and terror. That is what I think a future movie needs to do. With the time constraints, they should’t have issues actually making tiny terrible tales, I just don’t want half of them to feel half assed.

Every once in awhile, a new movie concept comes out, and people liked it. In this case, I am talking about V/H/S, which decided to add outdated technology plus short horror films into one. It was an anthology. Made up of five or six smaller horror stories, good ideas that wouldn’t have been good if dragged out over 80-90 minutes. Brilliant!

Shorts are hard to make and require you to do a lot in a short amount of time.

Well, The ABCs Of Death took the idea of a horror anthology and went several steps further. Five to six shorts? Fuck that. Twenty-Six shorts is what people really want.

Yes, in case you didn’t get the gimmick, that is one for every letter of the alphabet.

Like Stab. Or Betrayal. Or Fetish.

This is really a hard series to really describe. After all, I could just tell you what each clip is called, as they each have the alphabetic name/theme going on, but that kind of gives it away. The movie shows you the short and then tells you the name afterwards. The titles themselves kind of give things away and ruin a lot of the surprise.

However, there are sill some awesome titles. Like Hydro-Electric Diffusion, WTF, and Toilet.

Given 26 directors, these range in many different ways. We have one animated short, and a claymation short. Two of the shorts are meta and aware that they are a specific letter / feature the people making the short. I guess both wanted to be original, and bam, now they are not unique.

And the genres range as well. Some of these are entirely humor based, some are going for creepy and weird, some are going for horror, and others? Well, others are just down right disgusting.

And arguably, some people would consider some of these “hot”.

I am talking super disgusting. I am talking I had to pause it after a short and come back to finish the movie an hour later. I just didn’t expect some things to happen. Some people with fucked up imaginations out there is all I really have to say about that.

I definitely think 26 is too many shorts in one package to get a real good feeling about this movie. Because they range so dramatically, you might have a dramatic thriller piece, followed by something completely absurd, followed by a slasher, and it can be exhausting.

However, on the flippy side, because of it is format, it is one of the best movie types ever to let you take breaks if you feel like it and come back days later and not feel like you will forget things. You could watch one a day and you will still get the same basic experience. So that is cool.

I will note that going into it, I didn’t know so much of it would go for strange/humor, I thought this would be a straight horror film like V/H/S. So at least that differentiates it from that series as well. Overall, it is an average film with a bold concept. And also very fucking weird. This is the type of film that may be more enjoyable in a group, with everyone trying to guess what the word theme may be.

Political documentary! It has been two whole weeks since my last one, so clearly I was already due for another. In reality, while waiting in line to watch a pre-screening, I looked for an unplanned documentary on Netflix on my phone and watched it in the comforts of a lawn chair.

I picked Electoral Dysfunction for two main reasons. One, of course, was its length. Only 90 minutes. Sexy. Good. I only had about 100 minutes before being let in the movie. The movie was also The Judge if you are curious, which I released over a week ago.

The second reason is because I figured by the title that it would be about the USAs Electoral College, the system that I am totally not going to explain here today. Look it up if you want. Here is a wiki page. It is an outdated, confusing, and unnecessary system that never really made sense, but it exists. For whatever reason. So I knew this would be a documentary I could easily agree with and I would rather not get visibly upset while waiting in line to watch a movie, surrounded by slightly familiar strangers.

If the government was really dysfunctional, the national parks would be closed. Oh wait. That did happen.

This one is narrated/hosted by Mo Rocca, known for his work on The Daily Show, so it was a natural fit for him. Most of the film focused on Indiana, home to some of the strictest election laws in the country. Which this film also dealt a lot with. Democrats, Republicans. People who wanted Voter ID laws, people who want every vote to count, and hey, he also talked to some actual Electors.

It was all very comical, as one would hope given the star.

But at the same time, it focused a whole lot on not electoral college stuff, and more election in general. Which is okay, but I would have enjoyed a lot more if I ended up learning something useful about it. An okay documentary if you had to waste an hour and a half in a line with strangers. But not too great.

I would consider myself a journeyman on the internet. I like being on the internet. It is like a home IN my home.

But in some people’s homes, they use the internet to make the internet bigger. Big internet users make money by putting themselves inside the internet. Personally, I put some stuff on the internet, like these websites, but not a video of me moving and talking. That is too intense. I want to just keep making my like, $30 a year on this website. That is my level of commitment.

For some of these people, they pull in six figures a year, but also work every day to do it. Inspiring actors, comedians, and even chefs, have taken to making their own web TV shows and mac software to entertain literally dozens upon dozens of individuals every day.

And this documentary, Please Subscribe: A Documentary About YouTubers talks to a lot of them, including these shows people: My Drunk Kitchen, Livelavalive, Seannaners, Wheezy Waiter, Daily Grace, Mystery Guitarman, Will to DC and Dan Brown.

Basically I have heard of one of these things/people ahead of time (My Drunk Kitchen), maybe two (Mystery Guitarman). None of these other people, so I guess I learned a lot?

Like Chicago is a scary place to go to find actors.

A few of these people got more spotlight than others. Like this Livelavalive fellow, who apparently used his YouTube show to help break free from his extreme OCD shut in self. Some of these individuals do weekly shows, some 7 days a week. Most of them edit their own videos, do all of their own production and are a complete one person show. Not all of them, but whatever.

I found Dan Brown to be the most interesting story. He was an early YouTube success, but he kept trying new things and apparently he pissed people off by under performing, and then people didn’t give a shit anymore. YouTube is fickle, so it requires a lot of work.

A lot of these people were pretty similar though and I was kind of disappointed by how many of them were just weird daily talk about their lives people. I want people who do cool things. Where the fuck is my Epic Meal Time?

I didn’t even feel like linking to their pages. If you want to find out about them, go crazy. This is just an okay documentary about random people on YouTube. I wanted to see actual dollar amounts as to what they made, so we can see if their effort is actually worth it. A nice cute story, but an indifferent one at the end of the day.

Judge not lest ye be judged.

That is a quote I think, from some book or movie. Hard to remember these days. Maybe Lyndon B. Johnson said it? Either way, whoever said it must have really hated Judges.

Because Judges judge people. But who judges the Judges? Well, usually, the people in a trial I guess. They will assume he is a good or bad judge based on the outcome of their trial, both technically judging the Judge’s judgement.

Why yes, typing this all has been fun, but really has nothing to do with The Judge movie, outside of the obvious symbolism and role reversal the name offers.

Speaking of symbolism…

Indiana is home to a lot of nothing. Which is why Hank Palmer (Robert Downey Jr.) had to leave it en route to becoming a hugely successful lawyer, going to the closest big metropolis (Chicago) to get his law on. He isn’t a defender of the people or anything like that. Nah, he can help guilty men walk. He is that good. Sure he had a troubled past, and that past involves hating his family at home, but now he is a decent human being! Almost.

Well, then his mom died. He liked his mom too. So now Hank has to head back home, where his family lives. You know, like his brothers Glen (Vincent D’Onofrio), who had his future taken away from him, and Dale (Jeremy Strong), who isn’t all there in the head. And of course his dad, Judge Palmer (Robert Duvall) who hates his son. For reasons.

But troubled times can lead to troubled driving, which is what the Judge soon finds out. Getting into a minor accident, turns out he may have hit someone. Someone he has a history with. And that someone died. Shit. Now the Judge of this small community is being charged with murder. If only he knew any great lawyers, that he didn’t currently hate. Gahhh.

Also starring Billy Bob Thornton, Dax Shepard, Vera Farmiga, Leighton Meester, and Emma Tremblay (as his daughter).

Spoilers: He might end up picking his son! Eventually.

I don’t want to describe The Judge as predictable, even though, kind of, it is. It predicted a lot of the film based on a tiny tv spot or two I had seen, and I was surprised how much of it I guessed right before the movie started.

I don’t want to say The Judge felt too long, even though, kind of, it was. The ending felt like it dragged, as it wanted to finish all of the plot lines it started and didn’t leave anything to chance. My mind compares it to Gone Girl, not based on quality or theme, but just because they are the last two movies I saw in theaters and both about the same length. Gone Girl flew by, The Judge dragged.

The acting in it was actually great, I thought all the leads did nicely. Billy Bob Thornton felt a bit underused on the grand scheme of things, but maybe I just want more of him thanks to his recent role on Fargo.

I laughed through a lot of amusing parts, but this film is definitely far more of a drama. And to me, it played it relatively safe and didn’t strive for anything truly awesome. So I am a bit disappointed. We had a lot of talent in this movie and if the story was just a bit tad better and shorter, it would have been amazing.

The only famous Robert D missing is Robert De Niro, so I assume that also had something to do with it.