Tag: 1 out of 4

Movie about Amish peopleeeeeeee.

Not this one.

Watch out. Quaint stuff. So it bugged me for the first twenty minutes, trying to figure out who the main chick was (Danielle Panabaker). Knew her from some movie. Probably someone in some movie who I have seen recently…or maybe ha….OH WHAT THE FUCK. SHE WAS IN SKY HIGH TOO.

I keep watching all these new movies and they are flooded by the cast of Sky High. She was the plant girl. Maybe Sky High is actually the best stepping stone for so many young actors, and soon all of them will be leading movies in the future, and we don’t know it yet? Maybe they are all the next brat pack?

Often described as her “Carrie” moment.

Okay, so I haven’t talked about the movie yet. In The Shunning, there is an Amish girl, doesn’t like it, wants to be free. Turns out she wasn’t born Amish, nor does anyone know it yet (aside from her ‘parents’). So this dramatic film felt like a lifetime made for TV movie. Any deceit that was felt I couldn’t relate too. I couldn’t feel for the girl, nor did I see the problem. So what if you aren’t related biologically? Doesn’t mean you should forgo your whole past and assume you shouldn’t remain Amish. Oh well, was pretty bored.

Hmm. Hmmm. Hmmm. Okay. I am pretty sure I read some of the Ramona Quimby books. Definitely some of the smaller story lines seemed familiar. What I don’t remember is her seeming that bratty. I think. I know the Ramona character had issues, or was misunderstood, or something, but when I saw the film, in the first half I didn’t feel sorry for her for anything. I could tell what she was doing wrong and how she should fix it. I think this makes me and old person curmudgeon. That could be repetitive.

I didn’t know Ginnifer Goodwin was in here, as Aunt B, and was bleh at it. Probably cause it is with that lame haircut. Ohyeahhh.

If you wanted a statement, consider the statement made.

One of the bigger gripes I have with the movie may be the name. Ramona /and Beezus/. That almost makes it seem like the movie is about two people. But the book series, is about Ramona and her interaction with her family. No books were actually called this title. And this movie is about…Ramona and her interactions with her family. So much not about Beezus, just a side character amongst the rest? I guess they wanted to include her, as she is played by Selena Gomez, and is probably technically the biggest name attached. Right after “mature asian woman” who always plays teacher or doctor roles in things.

Oh well, pointless film, that although technically having a correct sort of ending, didn’t really do much for me.

At first glance, one would look at this movie and think “Hey, that reminds me of 127 Hours. Kinda”. Yep. Kinda. Story mostly involving one dude, trying to escape from an impossible situation, and it sucks. Unfortunately, 127 Hours had a bigger budget, and also based on a true story.

Wrecked starts off with Brody waking up from the crash site, dead people around him, stuck in his seat.

And Bloody.

He of course has some sort of amnesia, and has to both get out of the valley, and figure out who he is. The movie overall was kind of boring though. Although some nice hallucinations occurred to try to keep it more entertaining, and there was a nice dog for him to talk to. There was no story line before Wrecked began, as it was figured out as his memories returned to him slowly. So while Brody was left feeling confused for most of the movie, so were the viewers. Not in a suspense way, more the annoying way.

Wrecked just seemed too long. It is hard for any type of character development to occur when someone doesn’t actually know who they are. The eventual reveal at the end wasn’t exciting either. Felt super let down.

Damn it. WHY DAMN IT. I TRUSTED YOU BRUCE WILLIS.

Well. 95% Trust.

This is a pretty misleading movie, in my opinion. Heist like movie, something goes wrong, and people die. People may be Setup, even. (Okay, so yes a Heist goes wrong early on. They are setup. 50 cent gets mad and kills a bunch of people. Plot).

I am going to blame this all on 50 Cent. Because seriously. Bruce Willis was top billed in this movie, but he was barely in it. Ryan Phillippe, played a major roll. It just also sucked in this movie.

But damn it, Ryan was just in The Lincoln Lawyer. The pedo from Cruel Intentions. And he brought little to the movie. But I was excited because I thought that this may be a great movie with 50 cent in it, unlike the many before. 50 cents character I didn’t find exciting. They tried to bring in some sort of moral or religious dilemma, but I didn’t feel it. And a lot of people died. Just got tired of it though, nothing was that surprising.

This isn’t Ryan Phillipe being a pedophile, just awkward kinky sister stuff.

1 out of 4.

This movie was dumb. I was bored with it. It did have Charlie from It’s Always Sunny and Alyson Hannigan in it though. That was interesting. I won’t tag them to sour their names. Really didn’t care about what happened most of the movie. Mandy Moore was the main role, and really, she didn’t do anything special. It just felt like a typical romantic comedy, and even the name just seems to be a mash up of key words to try and get all

STEREOTYPE ALARM. STEREOTYPE ALARM. STEREOTYPE ALARM.

Whoa whoa whoa. Sorry. I was about to make the assumption that all women love romantic comedies and respond to certain buzz words. But all the women I know who saw this movie (okay, only two) both hated it. So there ya go. It wasn’t too good. It didn’t make me rage in anger though.

Oh damn it. Oh what the fuck. Damn this movie. Not saying it was /bad/ but if anything to me it was completely unsatisfying. This is a trail about the old west, group of people traveling in like, three wagons. They get pseudo lost (taking a shortcut or “cutoff” from their guide Meek) and there is not much water. Just hot. Just desert like. It actually took 7 minutes for a word to be spoken in the movie. I almost stopped after 25 minutes to just disinterest (I know, shocking).

Fucking A. No one even got Dysentery in the movie.

But I read that they get kinda lost and stranded, some people freak out, find an Indian who may be friend or foe (they were raised to assume foe) and what to do about him. I could barely tell they were even lost until the Indian showed up, after like, 48 minutes or so. That was the most interesting part. One woman kept freaking out that he was leaving notes behind to be found and saved and everyone killed. Aside from that, the biggest other problem seemed to be moving their wagons down some slope. Because if they went fast they’d probably crash and break. Oh man, shitty made wagons. Don’t you hate that?

Little bit after that, they find a dying tree. They don’t know what to do, keep going or turn around. And then a little bit later, it ends. Do they make it out? Probably. Who else would tell their tale? But just god. Thanks for letting me know how FUCKING DULL traveling to the west was. If I lived back in 1820 I’d have stayed in Boston or something all my life, fo sho. The only reason I didn’t give it a 0 is because the scenery was well done.

This movie may also go by the title Bran Neu Dae, as it was released in Australia as such. Here was what I thought when watching this movie. “Whaaaaaaa?”

I knew it was kind of a musical and foreign or something. Foreign meaning Australian so I figured only fake foreign. But I should have realized that with its original title being changed to become Americanized, maybe Australia is a crazy different place?

Holy shit this was a (bad) weird movie. Most of the songs were (bad) kind of strange and (bad) felt out of place. In terms of musical, some of the songs were actually just sung by people/bands at a bar, so could have been in any movie. Cop out.

The story is of an aborigine boy who likes a girl, has to go to priest school, escapes, journeys back home with hippies, sluts, and hobos, to win back the love of his life. That sounds amazing, but it turns out to not be.

How the hell did Geoffrey Rush get in this movie? Oh he is Australian. Seriously. If you were ever going to watch this movie, I would suggest being drunk. The video below is actually the finale song of the movie, a reprise of an earlier version of the song (when he escapes from Priest school). You will see how awkward and bad it is.

Matttttt damonnnnnn

Anyways, Hereafter is a story about three different people who have experienced death ad how their lives become intertwined at the end. Directed by Clint Eastwood. This movie is NOT about Matt Damon and his dealings with others, despite what any preview or poster would make you believe. One story involves a young pair of twins in London, more or less raising their drunk mum. And of course one of them dies unexpectedly.

In France, we have a news reporter who while on vacationing technically dies during a tsunami but is CPR’d to full. Damon has the power of douchery, and can apparently speak with those who have passed on. We are told it is real in the movie, but even he feels like a douche when he does it. Penn and Teller would not approve of him using these powers to help the grievers.

The movie does go into the fake communicators of the dead, and how douchie they are. Unfortunately it also has Matt Damon being real. I don’t like that. The Damon story line was the best, but the other two were pretty uninteresting. The kids is better than the french womans, because she is French and thus speaks French. The movie would have made more money, guaranteed, if the woman was just an English speaking reporter. No reason to add subtitles to a movie unless it actually adds something. Just make everyone American, Clint Eastwood. Damn it!

The movie tries to be super realistic, minus the speak with the dead part. But it was a big disappointment.

Hmm, a movie about a girl who is good at killing people? That sounds pretty Kick-Ass.

The eye slits are bigger for when she gets older. Because your eyes widen with age.

So all I knew about this was that some girl was a super powered assassin, for some reason, and people had to die. Great concept right? Super swedish looking killer, killing some things, and maybe a plot too? Speaking of plot, I heard it was a smart action movie too. Great! I could use an action movie that doesn’t make me rage from simplicity. Hanna is played by Saoirse Ronan, who has been in some things. Cate Blanchett has also been in a few things, I guess. Also Eric Bana, who plays a lot better in this role as grizzled former CIA, as opposed to Hulk.

Some things I enjoyed? The soundtrack. It was pretty spot on in terms of the whole movie. Ronan acted like a confused little girl pretty well.

But overall I really didn’t enjoy the movie. The plot was super weak. Exactly as I expected from an action movie nowadays. Not sure where the smart aspect of it came from. Was hoping for a new Bourne like movie and was all, ehhh. The camera work seemed like the director just wanted to try out a whole bunch of different artsy ways of showing a scene and could never settle on one. The rotating camera for the escape out of the facility was just ridiculous. The plot really didn’t consist more than “lololDNAtesting”, which also isn’t a spoiler. To me, it seemed like an action movie, with a bad plot, and not much action. It is probably just over-hyped because people are interested in a young girl killing people.

Who needs DNA enhancing in the womb when you are the daughter of the Hulk?

1 out of 4.

This movie was not a good movie. Maybe it can be blamed on having 50 Cent play a lead? Val Kilmer and Sharon Stone I think are added for credibility. Apparently VK and 50 are friends, from some time earlier. But Val is now fat and disturbing. Where is my Batman?

Picture: Not Batman

Val Kilmer’s partner died during Hurricane Katrina. Oh yeah. These people are cops. And this is set in New Orleans. Years later he thinks he may have been murdered, and has to follow some clues with his new partner 50. Sharon Stone is like, the police chief character.

Val Kilmer isn’t as overweight as he is now, but he still really didn’t do anything for this movie. His presence, despite being there, was never felt. Sharon Stone had a weird voice. So 50 may have been the best part of the movie? Good job 50.

Anyways, blah blah blah, corrupt Cops, blah blah blah. Lots of people dying. Horrible lines and acting. Dumb gritty feel (I assume from low budget). Was just super bored during this movie. May be the only movie where having 50 cent adds a point. There was also no actual street of blood. Disappointing.