Category: Uncategorized

Only took me, forever, but now I have seen The Princess and the Frog! Hooray! I can’t believe it took me this long either, because I tend to love movies that have controversy.

For those too lazy to click that wiki link, tPatF had a lot of changes before it became the movie it is now. It was considered offensive, that she start out as a chambermaid, instead of a waitress. It was apparently bad that her name was Maddy. It was also horrible for them to call it The Frog Princess. Pretty much all PR crap. Apparently with some small changes, everyone was fine with it, especially since they hired Oprah Winfrey to be a consultant.

To quote an altered South Park line: “Oprah Winfrey is NOT the Empress of black people!”

But anyways, on to the movie. I will note I had no idea the major plot point that occurred…pretty early in the movie (Once Tiana finds the frog) would happen. All the quick TV spots failed to mention that. Definitely changed the movie for me, so won’t spoil that here. I only liked a few of the songs (The evil dudes was good, as was the song in the abandoned building about the restaurant) but after those early ones, they all went pretty downhill for me. Lyrics just seemed bad, not to mention didn’t care for the characters who later came in.

The evil dude reminded me of Jafar in a less smart, more crazy, kind of way. His demise, also kind of similar. The shadow dwellers or whatever were definitely scary too.

I hated the beginning, when they were young kids. I was hoping so much that it wouldn’t last long, as I was not interested in seeing a story of 9 year olds. Luckily, it was quick. Similarly, Charlotte, the rich girl. When she grew up, her face still looked way too much like her younger self, so to me it just seemed like a tall baby the whole movie. An accidental creepy addition, or is there a moral with that story?

DIE BABY FACE WOMAN, DIE!

Only other big name to have any real lines was John Goodman. Terrence Howard’s character was barely in the movie.

Overall! Just okay. Disappointed with the majority of songs (I am not a Jazz hater, just lyrically), and the weird direction the plot went. Didn’t really enjoy that as I was hoping. Damn animal movies.

Broken Lizard has a few movies under their belt. I saw all the major ones, as long as I ignore Puddle Cruiser. If I had to rank them before this movie, I would put them (in order of Best to Worst), Beerfest, Super Troopers, and Club Dread.

However, The Slammin’ Salmon I would have to rank as my favorite of the four.

Because where else can you get Bass to Mouth humor?

In this story, the Slammin’ Salmon is actually an upscale fine dining establishment. Obviously, with a name like that. It was created by Michael Clarke Duncan‘s character, a famous boxer Cleon Salmon. Get the title now?

Oh noes! He owes $20,000 to the Yakuza though, and needs his restaurant to make it in one night. So, as a reward, he challenges his wait staff to make it happen. The waiter/waitress who raises the most money gets a $10,000 bonus (despite that not making sense towards his overall goals). Most of the wait staff / cooks are played by the Broken Lizard crew, but the “main character” (if there had to be one) is played by Waitress Cobie Smulders, from How I Met Your Mother.

The ridiculous comedy that ends up happening in Broken Lizard movies is the kind I feel like I enjoy most. I laughed throughout the movie, even at the dumber physical gags that were presented. Michael Clarke Duncan was definitely one of the funnier people in the movie. He should do comedy way more. His “rhyme/rap” scene is hysterical. (<--Thesaurus use, woo!).

How is a man with this face not the funniest man alive?

Many celebrities ended up being in the restaurant too, such as Olivia Munn, Jim Gaffigan, and Vivica A. Fox. Alright, so big may be an overstatement.

Critics rated this pretty low, so I guess I am being a rebel here again? Oh well. My opinions.

Pirate Radio! The “feel-great new comedy from the creator of Love Actually and Notting Hill“. Aka, those British movies that people love. (Okay, I do love Love Actually. Haven’t seen the other.)

This movie has a ton of big names in here, and a ton of names I will qualify as big for the sake of making the former argument correct. Pirate Radio tells the story of the 1966 UK. Despite the large presence of famous British rockers, no British station play them. Its the devils music still.

So for British people to get their rock on, they have to tune into pirate radio stations, which are not illegal in the UK at this time. In fact, the most famous pirate radio station is actually on a boat off the coast. If you know anything of your coming of age movies, this means this is a pretty killer boat.

Not that killer.

The boat has Philip Seymour Hoffman and Rhys Ifans playing American DJs (Yes, Rhys plays an American). Lesser DJs (because they are British) are Nick Frost, Chris O’Dowd, and Rhys Darby (TWO people named Rhys in one movie). The ship/radio owner is Bill Nighy. Also there is a small cameo role played by January Jones.

Even Kenneth Branagh is in this movie, as British government bureaucrat who wants to stop the radio at all costs. Of course more people are in the movie, just who cares about them?

This is a very enjoyable movie. I definitely didn’t see the ending coming (like, the last 30 minutes). Obviously the movie is filled with some pretty good music. Now, I’d say most of the plot may actually be kind of ridiculous, but the suspension of belief is worth it. The ending is super great, despite the unbelievability of it all.

Not to mention you can check out some ridiculous facial hair.

4 out of 4.

I Love You, Man is my first review of a movie that has been requested of me. Every movie I have seen (except for a few I saw in theaters) have been based off of one time viewings only. I owned this DVD already, so I had seen it once or twice before, so this review is more than a first reaction. Oh boy! I will have to do more reviews of things I have already seen, to help bring an influx of reviews to the site.

If anything, this movie can win an award for being one of the few movies where you don’t immediately hate yourself a bit because Jaime Pressly is in it. Yay small roles! I am however fine with her in TV shows.

“Hey Darnell!”

Most of you know the movie, but it stars Paul Rudd, about to get married to Rashida Jones, but they come to the realization he doesn’t really have any male friends. Not even his family can think of any (Parents, J.K. Simmons and Jane Curtin, brother is Andy Samberg).

So Rudd has to try to find new friends, going on a few mandates and failing miserably. Thankfully at a house showing of Lou Ferrigno‘s house, he meets Jason Segel, and the rest is history! The film explores how hard it is to make friends when your older. Even though it isn’t an Apatow movie, it still has the awkwardness down to a T.

What really makes this movie is the chemistry between Rudd and Segel. I found Rashida Jones to not be as good in it the movie, but eh, not everyone can be perfect. The movie does a good job of making you feel annoyed at the annoying parts. I could go the rest of my life without hearing Slappin’ Da Bass, which was an obviously bad inside joke in the movie, yet for some reason people like to bring that annoyingly bad saying into my real life conversations with them. Fuckers.

Although a very decent movie, it is probably one best enjoyed with many months of downtimes between viewings.

By now you probably know, if there can be a Hulk image, there will be.

3 out of 4.

I might also be able to call this a tale of two movies. You see, this was going to be my first foray into the 3D movie experience. Not the fancy clear glasses stuff, but the classic RED/BLUE spectra. And it was bad. It said it would take about 5 minutes to get adjusted, did everything right (dark room, distance, etc) but it was just bad. Only the main character seemed to have real color, the background for everybody and everything else being a grey/brown, and flashes of yellow and blue filled my screen.

Let’s just say it was annoying.

More annoying than this white background on white background.

I said screw it, switched to 2D for the last 30 minutes and I had a swell time! The colors were very rampant (I accepted the fact that as it was similar to Tim Burton esque movies, it may just be grey and dull) and I loved it. The details were a LOT better than the first hour for me, so now I just feel robbed. The ability to see a few things be 3D-esque would not make up for the colors and experiences I had to miss out on.

But in terms of reviews, Coraline is pretty damn creepy. Dakota Fanning voices the main character, and the horror like story behind it with the “Other Mother” kinda had me going. Maybe because of all the spider imagery at the end, either way, eeek.

I am glad to find out it was all based off of a book, because otherwise I would be very impressed with whateverfilmmaker to make something like that. Book by Neil Gaiman of course, who has some creepy graphic novels.

Story overall was interesting. Beginning kind of slowed. Not as excited about the over exaggerated characters in it. I am not a fan of freakishly thin, freakishly fat, freakishly disproportioned humans. I am fine with the family being from Michigan, but not fine with the dads Michigan State sweater, that he never takes off. Fuck that.

Seriously. The dad could have died and I would have been fine with it.

I will have to watch this movie again, obviously, so I can focus more on enjoying it, instead of tearing my eyes off. But overall, I don’t think I’d watch it really ever again.

On the cover of this movie, it makes sure you know it is produced by James Cameron! Who is one of apparently 9 producers? Wow. He actually played a small part in this movie. Apparently he just really likes underwater stuff.

There is definitely some (all?) stereotypes in this movie. Including grizzled older guy, who knows what to do, isn’t emotional, and just wants to survive. Played by some guy Richard Roxburgh. There are more people in here too, but most I do not recogn- WAIT WAIT WAIT. Richard Roxburgh?? I only know him from one role.

“And in the end should someone die?”

Hah. The Duke from Moulin Rouge. Not to be confused with The Duke. In this movie, a group of people are investigating the largest unexplored cave thing ever. That connects somewhere with the Ocean of somewhere else.

It is funded by Ioan Gruffudd, playing stubborn rich dude who wants to be on Natural Geographic. There is also grizzled old dudes son, other people, rich dudes lover, other experienced diver, and some others.

Emergency! Cyclone thing starts flooding their camp way underground, surprise big storm! Their way gets blocked out. They have to try and hope this cave does eventually reach the ocean to escape. SO yeah. Normal plot. One-two people die every time they get to a possible conflict point, very normal escape thriller stuff. Title has no meaning, Sanctum.

Roxburgh is the the best here, nothing like his Dukeness. But yeah. You will expect most of things to happen, before they do. The ending isn’t a surprise at all. But it is kind of pretty. Interesting for a one time view. Watch Roxburgh freak out when everyone tries to do their own thing, and take his stuff.

“I just don’t like other people touching my things!!”

2 out of 4.

I first saw the preview for Conviction on the movie Never Let Me Go. It also had previews for things like 127 Hours, Black Swan (which is acclaimed, despite my dislike) and Cyrus (which I will have to watch soon).

Anyways readers, help me out. Hilary Swank‘s voice. Does she always do accents? Is her voice just super…southern a lot of times? I looked up a Million Dollar Baby trailer, and it seemed similar to Conviction, and I don’t remember how her voice was in that. But in an interview, I couldn’t tell if it was weird or what. So let me know, does she have an intense accent, or is she acting it in all these movies?

To me her voice is almost as mysterious as her goofy smile.

This is another true story. Sam Rockwell goes to jail for a murder he didn’t commit in the 80s. Swank goes to school to get her GED then BA then Law Degree while being a single mother and divorcee. She eventually gets DNA proof of innocence, but still cannot free brother. More problems, more solutions, until everyone is happy. Yay! Just took 18 years out of the dude’s life, but everything worked out well!

Obviously Rockwell isn’t the focal point of this movie, he does a fine job, but it is all pretty much on Swank’s shoulders. More or less this is one of those “punch you in the face yet somehow you still keep moving on” movies, in her journey to freeing her brother from prison. I really didn’t think I would tag this actress more than once, but Ari Graynor, my favorite part of Lucky, played the daughter of Rockwell, that he of course never got to know. Her role was limited, but also great.

Usually with punch you in the face –> overcome movies you feel great at the end, as the character you begin to cheer for the whole time. This is no exception. It was well done, pretty much everyone played their roles appropriately. I was a little bit confused in the beginning, as it seemed to jump around, but this movie accomplishes everything it sets out to do.

Oh yeah. He is innocent alright. Can’t you tell?

Gotta love watching movies you know nothing about, and being surprised. A feeling we here at Gorgon Reviews love to take away from the readers.

Alright, what I did know about this movie is that it stars Luke Wilson, and involves becoming mad wealthy by being a Middle Man of some way.

I cannot comment if any of this is true. But parts must be kind of factual, based off, well, logic. It says based off of true events, apparently one of the producers was in a similar situation earlier in his life? Not sure. Lets pretend it is all true though.

How do you pretend? You go to Imagination Land! Imaginationnnnnnnnnnn

The way they tell the story is very nifty, at the beginning it goes back and forth through a 10 or so year period. The story is of Luke Wilson, a guy who fixes problems, and two dudes who accidentally start a revolution, Giovanni Ribisi and Gabriel Macht. They are two dumbasses, who in 1997, get the idea to have porn on the internet. What they actually develop well is a way to take credit card information from the internet and charge people, apparently something never considered before. Luke helps them realize they are thinking too small, and should just focus on the credit card information, letting the porn people do the porn. After they set up a safe name for the company, so people can jerk it in the comforts of their own home, they can make jillions!

Also apparently I am the kind of guy to only make cartoon jokes in a review of a movie about pr0n? As you would be expected, there are quite a few naked boobies in this movie. Wilson does a great job of playing his role. The two other guys similarly do a good job of playing the “dumb ass” roles.

Parts of the movie lulled in the middle, and I wouldn’t say I got confused at times, but I did get a bit overwhelmed. Either way, this was a pretty interesting story. Predictable outcome, maybe, but just how it got there is an interesting tale.

Science fiction! Aliens! LA getting fucked over, again. These are the thoughts that I had about this movie before I knew what it was about. Which is pretty much true.

One of the many times LA has been fucked over, in recent years.

First off the movie was definitely beautiful on the Blu-Ray. Top notch cameras and CGI work. Technically this is just another alien invasion story, but this time they seem to include no battle ready war vets, no battle ready army people, nothing. Just a few regular people. The actual cast list on this thing must be low, minus random party people, random people on roofs, etc. Never really pay any attention to them anyways.

Skyline is the title, more or less, because I guess the ships are in the sky? It could be better. The main lead is Eric Balfour, but other people are played by some of America’s favorite TV stars. Detective Angel Batista from Dexter, and Dr. Turk Turkleton from Scrubs.

These group of regulars and some ladies find themselves in a big Las Vegas penthouse/hotel thing, when Aleins come down! They have crazy blue lights, and when people stare at them, they tend to kind of ‘lose their mind’ and walk towards the stuff. Bad things. In fact, that was a pun because these bad boys tend to steal brains. Why? I try not to spoil shit, so stop asking.

The ending is kind of ehh though. They could have did what they wanted, without doing all that they did. They did just too much so that they inadvertantly started a new story, and then just stopped it. And by stopped it, I mean the ending credits flashed scenes that happened next too, which was just annoying. Small movements, and that is it. Some bullshit way of setting up a sequel, that may or may not happen. YOU DON’T HAVE TO JUST STOP SUDDENLY TO SET UP SEQUELS GUYS, STOP DOING THAT. But should there be one, it will take on an entirely different tone from the first film. Hopefully less Eric Balfour too, who just has a face that makes it seem like he will rape everyone.

Bet you were expecting a picture of Flynn here, weren’t you?

I think generally I give every movie 1 less rating if the ending made me mad/felt incomplete. So there ya go.

Damn you Jerry Bruckheimer Films!

And the man himself while we are at it.

Here is brief history of Pirates for me. PotC1? Loved it. PotC2? Hated how long it was and found the ending to be a nonconclusive end to the story. I hate it when movies end but not close the story, forcing you to see a sequel. So I didn’t. Never saw PotC3. Pretty much the same thing that happened with the Matrix Trilgoy for me. Almost did a few weeks ago, but figured it would be too long. When I heard PotC4 had nothing to do with the original trilogy, minus Jack Sparrow/Johnny Depp, I said “Fuck yeah!”

In this movie, Geoffrey Rush is back as Barbossa, but there is also Ian McShane as Blackbeard! And Penelope Cruz as Blackbeard’s daughter! The latter two are obviously new people. Blackbeard! Rawr! He is the bad guy! So is Barbossa. Kinda. But yes. Also the British are involved. And the Spanish.

They are going to the Fountain of Youth! But can’t go straight there, obviously have to collect a few things first. I did enjoy the mermaid scenes. Reminded me of the underwater dead walk stuff going on, that made the first really epic. The first mermaid looked like Amanda Seyfried too. Even though I generally always hate the scenes where Jack is messing with the Brits, the opening escape scene was pretty nifty. The unknown guy who played the priest, Sam Claflin, was my favorite new person added to the series, and when they unfortunately make more of these, I hope he is the next Bloom. [He wont be].

So I was going to give this movie a solid 2. It was interesting, pretty, not the best. But reminded me too much of 2 in terms of what happens, scenery, and what not. Most of the things are predictable, especially all of the ending, which is lame. But after the ending? RAGEEE! Sure parts were finished, but the ending was another bullshit ending. Not as bad as the second, but bullshit nonetheless. Fuck fuck fuck fuck that.

I can’t believe I did this whole review without a single Pirates joke. Oh damn it!

1 out of 4.