Author: Admin

My initial thoughts on seeing the trailer for Captain Phillips:
“Hey, wasn’t that a real story a few years ago? Probably. Is there enough for a whole movie?”

My next thoughts on Captain Phillips after seeing three different trailers:
“Come on, this is already a true story,sure, but why’d they give away the entire movie in these trailers? There is nothing left to tell!”

My thoughts when I saw the run time:
“133 minutes? For fucks sake. It’s just a boat capture and rescue mission. This going to be super drawn out.”

My initial thoughts after watching the movie:
“Fuck. That was good. Even the bad guys were good!”

Bad guys = good. Stay with me here.

Travel back in time with me kiddos to the year 2009. Yes, very far back indeed. Somalia was all sorts of fucked up. Civil war, strife, there are no rules there anymore, just warlords, and they have turned towards piracy. A lot of boats sale around Somalia, and those boats can either A) Have lots of money of valuables on them, or B) be taken ransom to gain money and valuables.

Captain Phillips (Tom Hanks) has a big cargo ship, full of crates, but it is a lot of aid to give to countries in the area. They are big, they are alone, they are a target.

Led by Muse (Barkhad Abdi), his crew of three others (Barkhad Abdirahman, Faysal Ahmed, Mahat M. Ali) storm the boat to try and get rich or die trying. Like 50 Cent.

And you know. Shit eventually happens. They stall for as long a they can, and try to keep everyone safe and not injured, then the Somalians take Phillips in a life boat and sale back to Somalia for ransom time. This becomes a big national story in America, the president gets involved, and eventually the Navy SEALs are called in. Then stuff really starts to hit the fan.

I feel awkward explaining the story. Im going to stop that. Michael Chernus is the second in command, and Catherine Keener plays Phillips’ wife, but she only has like, one scene in the film.

What’s that you see, Tom? Is that an Oscar for Best Actor you see in the distance?

As you can see, I went into the film thinking it was overhyped. I mean, it just didn’t look appealing. Despite it being a cool story, I thought the story would make for a poor film. And, I was worried about the historical accuracy. We get to see the pirates before they even leave Somalia, when they decide which groups will go out searching for ships, and all of that jazz. Well, one of the four pirates did survive the attack and is currently in prison. I guess he could have told the story and filled in the gaps from their point of view, but I doubt it. Most likely, the movie makers filled in their own gaps to tell a better story. Which is fine, but curious.

Obviously it is so that we realize that these people were humans too, who had their own reasons for doing this, and they aren’t inherently evil. Always a good message to reiterate.

I didn’t go into the movie thinking I would cry, but that sly mother fucker Tom Hanks acted his way into my heart. To me, the movie did start a little bit slow. I was intent on looking for areas to cut, and I think some scenes early on weren’t too helpful and weren’t that interesting. The acting from Hanks looked like it would just be him doing a funny voice and being a panicky older gentleman.

But the second half. Dat second half. Oh man. Basically just after the pirates made it to the ship, the acting from everyone was kicked up a serious notch. I loved the captain of the pirates a lot, who displayed great emotions of fear, anger, and guilt. But Tom Hanks when he was in the lifeboat just crushed every hope I could ever have of being happy again. Okay, that is extreme, but I felt that when it was close to the climax. I was scared. I was sad. I was even sadder after he was rescued and realized he is finally safe. He just. He just acted so fucking well, damn it.

Really, I am not sure how much I liked this movie, but I will give it the 3 just to be on the safe side. It is probably 4 territory, but there is enough small stuff early on to limit it a bit. Still worth the watch solely for Tom Hanks’ ability to pull on those heart strings.

Ah yeah, a completely random movie I have never heard about it. Sexy.

Racism aside, the cover of Somebody’s Child had two black men and one woman on the cover. I will say I figured it would be some sort of baby daddy drama. Nope. Wrong again. I also got it because I knew the star was great at kicking ass and taking names, so there could be a fight scene or two!

Needless to say, this movie offered none of this, and I was just as confused as these two men.

No baby drama. No fight scenes. So much sadness.

Douglas (Michael Jai White) is a simple man. He is a single dad, who also lives with his mom, Constance (Lynn Whitfield). Well, she lives with him. He owns a restaurant and believes in giving people second chances. No time for love, not yet. Especially with his mom needing a Kidney, and waiting for a match.

Alright, so that isn’t any good. But they know they will get through it. They just have to believe and trust God.

Well, at the hospital they see another man, Benjamin (Byron Minns), and she convinces him to offer him a job at the restaurant instead, knowing for sure he must be a felon working on getting his life back on track. They were right! He is on a path of redemption too.

And uhh. Then some redemption happens. Secrets. Everything kind of works out for the best and the movie ends.

Douglas also starts dating Hope (Nadine Ellis), their travel agent, but that plot isn’t important to the story.

What the fuck is this? Why in the hell is there a painting of a scene from this movie? Or super weird lighting?

I think I accidentally watched a lifetime movie. That would explain it. IMDB tells me it was made for TV. It must have been lifetime. Or Hallmark. Because not a lot happened in this film.

There was one twist roughly near the end, but something pretty easy to figure out way before hand. The bigger part of the twist was more confusing. But I don’t want to spoil it.

Fuck it, spoilers, here we go. Benjamin and Douglas are brothers, the mom had to give Benjamin up for adoption and his life was rough. So karma eventually brought them together because they all did good stuff for strangers. Yay. Benjamin also donated the kidney to the mom, out of the goodness of his heart, before he knew they were related. Yay being friendly to strangers! Yay Jesus!

So yeah, very basic inspirational made for TV movie, that teaches us everything works out kind of. Even if your life is shitty and in foster care for many years, causing you to circumstances that might end up with someone dying. Even then.

Damn it Michael Jai White, no more movies where you don’t fight anyone.

Oh Kristen Bell. You are a big star. Why are you in this movie, The Lifeguard, something I have never heard about and went straight to DVD?

Is it Dax Shepard‘s fault? I bet it is Dax’s fault. He is a jerk. Don’t let him put you in bad movies. You are lucky you avoided Brother’s Justice. I swear, if Hit and Run had been horrible, those two movies would have killed his career.

Just saying. Watch out Kristen.

“No, you watch out! No one talks bad about MY MAN!” – Kristen, if she were a proud black woman.

Leigh (Kristen Bell) is going through a midlife crisis. She went to college, was valedictorian, but ended up quitting her New York job and moving back to Connecticut, her home, where she last felt happy. By mid life crisis, I should note she is less than 30, so this is just some other weird event in her life. Or she is not going to live past 60. Shit.

Either way. Sad times, so she goes to live with her parents again, and rekindle with her old friends (Mamie Gummer, Martin Starr, Joshua Harto).

Heck, she even gets a job as a lifeguard. Her old high school job. Making over 9 bucks an hour. Hooray!

But then something strange happens. During her identity crisis, she finds comfort in another individual. Someone who goes by the name of Little Jason (David Lambert), son of Big Jason, the pool owner. They start a fling unexpectedly, and have copious amounts of sexual intercourse. And he is only sixteen.

Yep. Sixteen! True love, yo.

Sometimes it is a good idea to do that gender reversal thing for romance movies. Does it still work if an older man was the lifeguard and it was a sixteen year old girl? No, heck no. That’s bad. Very bad. Kristen has a really creepy character it turns out, and no one around them realizes it until one individual does by the end. Good ole society, being programmed into thinking that is at least a bit okay. She just represents someone in society.

The movie took awhile to get to the love interest between her and the kid, slowly building up, as she just wandered around her home trying to find stuff to do. And guys to do, I guess.

Too slow. This movie dragged on, for a story that ended up being pretty simple. The thing that gets me is that none of the characters really feel believable. They try to explain why she quit her job and moved home, but it just didn’t seem correct. I couldn’t believe it. It is like they had the idea of someone move back home, but not a great reason why and it was an after thought.

The later scenes between her and David Lambert were pretty steamy, I will give it that, but at the same time, it felt incredibly weird. Damn gender reversal analysis. It ruined a potentially good thing.

No, I am not saying the movie would have been good without it. Too slow, too much meh acting, too much nothing over all. An easy one to skip over and really I’d rather pretend it didn’t exist.

Something happened to Keanu Reeves while he was filming The Matrix. In one pivotal scene, Morpheus ingrained fighting skills into his head, causing him to wake up and give the famous line, “I know Kung Fu!”

I think that one moment in 1999 changed Keanu Reeves’ life forever. He actually had to learn martial arts for that role, so he probably became obsessed with it. Obsessed enough to finally show off some of his talents by directing his own movie. Man of Tai Chi is the directorial debut of Mr. Reeves, and he isn’t even the main character! If you want to see Keanu star in a martial arts movie, you will have to wait a few more months for 47 Ronin.

Can you believe that this is the first time I had to tag Keanu on my website? What have you been doing the last few years Keanu?!

Instead, this film is about Chen Lin-Hu (Tiger Hu Chen), a student of Tai Chi. His master, Yang (Yu Hai), is thrilled at his progress, but is concerned with his power. He is worried he might succumb to a dark way of using Tai Chi and use it for evil. Psha. Evil.

Well, Chen is hurting for money right now. He enters a regular martial arts tournament to show his worth, and prove that Tai Chi can be used for more than just exercise, while also showcasing the greatness of his temple. Unfortunately, that doesn’t put food on the table. Which is why he accepts a job interview from Donaka Mark (Keanu Reeves), an American security company to help pay the bills. What he doesn’t realize is that this interview is for a secret underground fighting ring…to the death! It pays extremely well, puts Chen against many different kinds of fighters, while also being kept secret from his friends and family.

But Sun Jingshi (Karen Mok), captain of the Hong Kong police force, has been chasing Donaka for months, and Chen might be her ticket to finally bringing him down. He just has to wade through some morality issues, as his mind slowly becomes corrupted by Donaka, who might have ulterior motives.

The actor was a stunt man on the Matrix movies. Huh. I wonder how he first met Keanu.

The most remarkable thing about Keanu’s first directed movie is that he chose to direct a movie in 90% Chinese. He may know the language, but it is not his native tongue, so I assume there were a lot of struggles with it. I don’t speak Chinese, so I cannot confirm if the language was clunky or unnatural, but I have heard reports saying so.

The plot itself for the first half of the film isn’t very unique. However, through few twists and turns, I think this movie becomes not your average martial arts flick, with a much more powerful story than what the trailer and plot description promise.

Every fight was filmed and choreographed beautifully. They were both captivating and entertaining. They were also varied enough to not feel repetitive, through the use of different fighting styles and locations. The final fight in the film itself was over eight minutes long, in a classic setting and felt like the perfect way to end this film.

It was strange watching Keanu as the villain, a role he doesn’t often take. The oddest part was his deep voice, kind of an eternal business grunt. Because he was the arbiter of so many fights, he had to say phrases like “Finish Him!” and “Fight!” constantly. I want to assume they did that as a Mortal Kombat reference, as it sounded pretty close to the real thing.

Man of Tai Chi is not the best martial arts film out there, but it does have its own unique style, and is probably one of the best ones that will come out all year. Definitely a great first effort from Keanu, but I hope he doen’t just stick to one genre, like RZA.

The title Runner Runner at first glance is a strange one. Initially I figured the film would be about people who were always getting chased, on the run, or cowards. Or a combination of the three!

It turns out it is a Texas Hold ‘Em term. It is when you don’t have anything good in your hand or the initial three cards on the table, but gain a better hand after the fourth and fifth cards have been laid down. It is a risky situation that most poker players do not rely on, because that would be ridiculous and more often than not, a waste of money. Let’s just call it synonymous with extremely lucky and stupid.

Enough foreshadowing? Alright, plot time.

“I’m not sure what to do with my hands..”

Richie Furst (Justin Timberlake), besides having a very strange name, is a masters student in finance at Princeton. He used to work on Wall Street out of college, and was about a year away from reaching that seven figure income, before it all blew up in his face and he lost everything with the economic crash.

Because of his past, he cannot receive financial aid, and has to literally gamble his life savings to pay for tuition. Until he loses it all on the website Midnight Black. According to his data and math skills, he clearly got scammed out his money, and he wants it back, so he decides to fly down to Costa Rica and talk to the website owner personally.

Ivan Block (Ben Affleck) is wanted by the FBI and world famous for his online poker sites, but he does enjoy making his business better through smart Princeton students. He ends up offering Richie a job, and Richie starts earning the money he thinks he deserves.

Hooray money! Money of course never comes at a cost, and there is surely nothing illegal at foot down here! Gemma Arterton plays the one woman who has a speaking role in this film, and Anthony Mackie a hardass FBI agent who really wants to take Ivan down, no matter the cost.

Here is a picture of these men walking. You know, not running, and for sure not running running.

It turns out my original guess about this movie wasn’t entirely incorrect. By the end, a lot of characters do go on the run: whether it is from the law (US or Costa Rican), from Ivan Block, or from other thugs. There is definitely a lot more running in this film than fighting or relaxing.

What I will say positively about Runner Runner is that it started out with an interesting concept and had a lot of potential. Who doesn’t love a good story about corruption and money?

The problem lies with how fast this movie moves, basically too fast to care about any of the characters and too fast to really feel the fear of the situation they have placed themselves in. At most I would describe the film as mildly entertaining, but I didn’t get any real value out of it due to how it was set up. All of the problems presented in the film were either solved instantly, or kept hidden like a Scooby-Doo plot point until they happened. I am not complaining that they kept some information secret, just that when the reveal happened, it was met with some mix of confusion and boredom.

The acting wasn’t spectacular, nor were any of the twists or turns. But I think both of those instances can be blamed squarely on the directing/editing. The last movie the director did was The Lincoln Lawyer, which I enjoyed. Unfortunately, Runner Runner seems to be a step in the wrong direction.

I did like watching Affleck as a man too rich to know what is good for him. It is a good stepping stone before he plays Batman, another man too rich to know what is good for him.

So, Generation Iron came to town, so I had to watch it in theaters. My first question was, what in the fuck is Generation Iron? Basically, it is a sequel to Pumping Iron, a documentary that came out in the late 70s to introduce the world more to the idea of bodybuilding and Mr. Olympia.

The purpose of this one? I guess to remind us that Mr. Olympia and bodybuilding are still a thing, and they want attention, damn it.

Unless they are dressing up like ninjas, then they do not want to be seen.

The year, 2011, and Phil Heath has just won the Mr. Olympia contest, his first ever. In fact, he won with a perfect score. Could he be the next big deal?

Well, he thinks so, he is a cocky son of a bitch, who talks about perfection, and just trying to beat himself at this point.

This film details the lives of several current big name body builders who hope to take the title, and who are going through many different paths to achieve that goal. A lot of names, could list them all, but I just want to note Kai Greene, who looks way too friendly to be a body builder, and Dennis Wolf, who is the real life incarnation of Rainier Wolfcastle.

The film talks about it all. Science, training regiments, heart, why they get so bronzed up before a competition, and steroids. Yes, even steroids. They don’t avoid the subject, they talk about it straight on…just…uneasily.

Also a lot of guest stars. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Lou Ferrigno, Busta Rhymes, Michael Jai White, and awkwardly narrated by Mickey Rourke. Why awkward? Well, because he didn’t really add much to to it. Just said some stuff, usually poetic, every once in awhile. Kind of creeped me out.

Then it of course goes into the 2012 Mr. Olympia contest, showing us how its all done, and yeah. Movie! Woo weights!

If they knew how to fight, they could kick all of our asses.

Again, documentaries are kind of strange to review, but here is my attempt. This movie gave a really good view of bodybuilding from what felt a neutral stand point. Despite Phil being the winner, they didn’t attempt to show him in a positive light, they let him be himself (and he is apparently an egotistical asshole. Alright, maybe they hate him and it was cut that way?). We got to see the good and bad of lots of contenders, who come from many different backgrounds and abilities. I loved its neutrality on all the issues, and the fact that they even brought up steroids. Made me happy.

I am not a fan of these competitions, because they are just so damn biased, they don’t make much sense to me. Why do all the champions win so many times in a row? Probably because the judges are just making shit up and basing it off of who has won before and who should win now. That is my guess. Kind of hard to ignore. No real way to do a blind taste test.

In general, the Mr. Olympia show looks like shit. Especially in 2012, when there is no suspense as to who will win. Why? Because they will call certain competitors back out to get second look, but only if they are the top overall people. If they suck, they don’t want to see you again. They just give extra time to the people who they like, so again, no real suspense, seems pointless to me. They should give everyone equal time, more fair.

But eh. It is an okay movie. I think it was too long, had some boring stretches, and I forgot the difference between a few people. Phil wins 2012, which is not a spoiler, because the 2013 competition has already happened when this came out in theaters. That is three in a row for Phil. They should really get this out quicker, its already old and awkward. Can’t be too hard to polish up a documentary.

Yay, a sequel! I literally don’t know a single movie about step dancing other than these two. The first one, Stomp the Yard, I didn’t know was about stepping until I saw it. It was okay. So of course I was excited for the sequel, Stomp The Yard 2: Homecoming. Sequels to dance movies are always bigger and badder, with sweeter movies and, well, shittier plots usually.

So hopefully, it is sexy. Because if not, I have a whole bunch of other never heard of dance movies to get through to find the secret amazing one..

Holy crap, this guy has a weird face in this picture. How unfortunate.

Hey, this sequel actually takes place at the same place! Truth University. Shit, it even has the same two frats vying for attention, with the good guys being the same frat, and the bad guys being the same frat. How edgy.

Well, DJ from the first film has long graduated. Despite being made a few years later, this actually occurs many years later. The thetas are on another losing streak, and they are the number 2 team, again. How familiar. This time, Chance (Collins Pennie) is their new recruit in training! He doesn’t have as many cool new friends as DJ either, so he is really the only guy that matters. He for sure wants to step too, unlike DJ, despite both originally being street dancers. Oh yeah, Chance isn’t as good as DJ. We see him lose his first battle. He just isn’t that good.

But he will be the hero. Sigh.

Good news about Truth University. They get to host this years national tournament, so they don’t have to travel, I guess. Even better, for the winning team of the tournament, their whole team will receive free scholarships to their university. What? How does a national tournament about step dancing have that sort of dough or like…ability to just do that? I got nothing.

There is some random drama. Chance’s uncle (Keith David) runs a restaurant and wants him to work on Homecoming weekend! Despite the fact that he could win free college. Oh yeah, Chance wants to add more modern hip hop dancing to the step dancing. That sounds similar.

He has a love interest (Tika Sumpter), a frat leader (Pooch Hall), and a frat leader enemy (Stephen Boss).

Oh god, another weird face. Everyone in this movie has a weird face.

So much similar. So much the same. Yet oh so different.

Let’s see, the plot for this movie, although similar, is a lot worse. The whole movie is darker. No, not skin color. No, not evil. Just literally darker, like they added bull shit filters.

The dancing is a lot worse. The ending was more painful to watch than anything, as their final final performances lacked like, any actual stepping. Just a whole bunch of weird ninja and weird shit. What?

Columbus Short from the first film made a cameo, that was cool. What wasn’t cool was everything else. This movie barely had any dancing, let alone stepping in it. Pitiful plot, poor drama, shitty acting for everyone. Even Keith David. Poor Keith David.

So much shit. So much worse than the first movie. So much fucking disappointment.

I first heard about Gravity a few months ago, and it scared the shit out of me. Floating through space, darkness all around you, no one to talk to, just alone?

Yeah. A mountain of nope. Then I heard talented actors were at the helm? Aw hell yeah, time to do this movie so hard.

How hard? Harder than sex in space suits.

This film takes place in…Space! Dr. Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) is on a short mission with a tiny crew, to install some hardware. She is up there for her first time ever, after six months of training. Doesn’t matter. Going home tomorrow. She has help of course, like Matt Kowalski (George Clooney), a very experience astronaut who loves to talk, and would probably live in space if he could.

Well. Bad things happen. Then more bad things happen, and gosh darn it, we got our selves a movie. Ed Harris supplies his voice for mission control, but other than that, no other real characters. How lonely.

“I’m floating in a most peculiar way, and the stars look very different today…”

Well, first off, if you go to see this in theaters, and don’t see it in 3D, then Fuck You.

Secondly, if you buy this on DVD and not Blu-Ray, then fuck you again.

There are many things that can be said about Gravity, but the one main thing that everyone can agree on is that it is a CGI space extravaganza that can cause eyegasms. It is possibly the BEST thing I have ever seen with 3D glasses on, in terms of “worth it ness” for the extra ticket fee. If there is an IMAX in town, I’d suggest watching it in 3D on that. The bigger the screen, the better. Just go all out. That will get you the full experience.

But I digress. A movie needs to have more than extreme sexiness for me to love it, or else I would have loved Avatar. Right?

I can say that the fear and the conflict are incredibly real. Not just because there is shit flying in your face. Thanks to the cinematography of this movie (which is extremely creative and diverse for every scene, by the way), when a character is alone floating through space, you will feel alone as well. Shit, depending on your screen, you might feel like you are in space as well. Everything is working together so well to give you those feels, including the excellent sound mixing. After all, in space, sound doesn’t really travel.

The plot is scary, and I will admit, parts of this film just feel like coincidence after coincidence. Everything works out so perfectly for the film to happen, but technically most movies fall that way. It is just a bit exemplified because, you know, space. I can’t say all of the science is correct either, but those are factors I am willing to forgive for the excellent story told.

The film is just under 90 minutes long and honestly it works really well in a film like this. I might go crazy if they packed in a lot of extra time just to make you feel extra lonely. Gravity made me laugh and cry, and affected me so hard in such a short time. Highly recommend it.

I am now a man on a mission. I really do want to watch all of these shitty dance movies no one has heard of. The only reason is because Stomp The Yard was a better movie than I gave it credit for.

So I had been judging all of these movies, some of which I have heard and most of them I never knew existed, just because of the genre, dance. They can make a good dance movie. I believe in them. The dancing just has to be amazing, and a plot that isn’t stupid. That’s all we want, people.

Which is why I found a list of dance based movies over the last few years, and the first one on that list is Battlefield America. Wow. That movie sounds super intense. I cannot wait.

Wait. Uhh. Erm..What? Kids?

Sean Lewis (Marques Houston) is a lawyer, and pretty good at his job. In fact, he is going to make partner soon! Unfortunately, he gets into some trouble. He has to do community service. He also thinks he is better than just picking up trash, so he wants a better community service.

Well, the judge has officially changed his mind. He can teach kids how to dance. What? He doesn’t dance himself, either. Apparently they just need a leader. Because they are bad on their own.

So he hires a choreographer, and hangs out with them.

So what kind of dance is this? Ballroom? No. Swing? No. Tango? No.

Street battle hip hop. You might be asking yourself, why in the fuck do 10 year olds need to learn that? Yeah. Exactly. Well, in this alternative universe place, there is some competition called Battlefield America, where it is for kid groups to battle dance each other…

…And it is popular and people watch it? And find it exciting?

…

…

I just. I just don’t know really what to say anymore. Tristen M. Carter and Chandler Kinney play two of the main kids, Mekia Cox works at the community center, and Christopher Jones plays the coach of the best dancing crew over the last three years.

In case you were curious, the main star was of course this kid in Sister, Sister.

The whole time I watched this movie, something felt inherently wrong. It took me awhile to figure out what it is.

For a dance movie, it does show a lot of dancing, just of other crews. At least four times throughout the film, they have these 1 on 1 dance battles, each one featuring the crew that always wins the last three years. They are on the left side of my picture up above, and the underdog crew this film is about on the right. Each of these dance scenes were actually really long, with constant changes from the crowd, back to the dances, to the other dances. It flashed around a lot. It would have been cooler to see it all in one fluid motion, but whatever. The main point is the camera angle for the dance was always placed super low, and aiming up, because these are all kids. It had to be really low.

It felt awkward. It felt uncomfortable. It was a bunch of young kids doing dancing that they shouldn’t be doing yet, pre puberty.

Then I came to the realization. This is a movie for pedophiles. That is literally all I could think about. Seriously. Here is the opening credits scene, about three minutes long. Tell me you can watch it and don’t feel uncomfortable and potentially nauseated.

There is so much of that in this movie, outside of the shitty cliches and similarities to The Mighty Ducks. I am giving it the 0 because of how uncomfortable and awkward it made me feel. I wanted to burn the movie when I took it out of my player, but I didn’t want to have to pay for a new copy at the rental store.

Watching these dance movies is apparently going to take me down a really fucking strange and creepy path, one I don’t know if I am ready for anymore. Just. Just holy fuck, was this movie awkward.

Fright Night 2: New Blood.

Why? Why not, I guess. I mean, I liked the Fright Night remake. I also liked the original Fright Night. It is crazy how that can happen.

The original had a sequel to, called part 2. Did you know that? Of course not, I think no one knew that. I don’t think this is a remake of the sequel though, because the sequel at least had the same characters. This one is completely new out of left field.

But a similar sized and shaped field overall. Just the left side of one.

Honestly, I might mess up some of this plot. Charley Brewster (Will Payne) and his best friend, ‘Evil’ Ed Bates (Chris Waller) are in some strange college program in not-America. They start with a night class, and oh snap, their history teacher is Hottie McHotterson, Gerri Dandridge (Jaime Murray). Charley claims he saw her doing some lesbian stuff across the street before class, but no one believes him.

Well, the pervert continues to look out of his window, and eventually he sees some weird shit, so he goes over to investigate. Oh no. She is a vampire and some fucked up ritual shit is happening.

Even his somewhat new girlfriend, Amy Peterson (Sacha Parkinson) doesn’t believe him. I mean, why would they?

It isn’t until he can finally convince Evil that they decide to get Peter Vincent (Sean Power), famed vampire and unusual being hunter to investigate the teacher. He hosts the show Fright Night, so maybe he can get to the bottom of this. Unless he is a fraud. And unless the teacher doesn’t kill them first.

Please turn to page 7 for a detailed analysis of why this scene pissed me off.

I am having a hard time figuring out what is up with this movie. It has elements that are very similar to Fright Night, yet it is very different plot wise than fright night. Like the vampire is a chick, different. There is a famous vampire hunter guy who isn’t as cool as he seems, same. There is a best friend obsessed with the guy, who later becomes a vampire, same. But everything else is different. So I feel like it was supposed to be a reboot. But they labeled it as a sequel to a remake? My head hurts. Oh, let’s not forget that the main character, his friend, and the vampire hunter share the same name? What in the fuck is going on?

(The plot was worse than Fright Night and the movie was no way near as humerous or cheesy. Lame).

So basically, a generic vampire movie that is just cashing on the…okay success of the last movie.

But what really really bugged me maybe more than it should have was the long ending in a big fountain of blood. It was in a cathedral like area. Either way, cool big fountain of blood, that is feet deep that involves lots of fighting and thrashing about in it? The blood doesn’t look real, it looks like cranberry juice, or red colored water. The blood doesn’t stain any clothing or skin either. It just comes off in small red clear drops…like water. It took me out of the element completely, and I felt like there was nothing that could be done to make up for it. And honestly, I was right.

Just fuck it. Strangely enough, this is the second movie in a week I have reviewed that had nakedness in it, but not from the main female character. That isn’t the weird part. The main female character in both have been naked before in Dexter. THAT is the strange coincidence. The other one was Humans Versus Zombies. (Sorry for perving, it was just really weird).