Author: Admin

How am I gonna be an optimist about this?

That is the question I ask myself, heading off to see Pompeii. But first, maybe some back story!

When I was an undergrad, I majored in Geology and History, with a focus on Ancient Rome. Clearly, the perfect crossover for research on both subjects would be in Pompeii, Italy, where Mt. Vesuvius exploded in 79 AD, wiping out an entire city and basically freezing them in place like statues. It is perhaps my FAVORITE historical event ever and I have been waiting forever for a movie version of it.

Unfortunately, Hollywood has churned out a few “historical” tales lately and they have been some of the worst movies I have ever seen. I am looking at you, The Legend Of Hercules! So, no, I don’t know how I will be an optimist about this.

Mr. Eko, why must you die in everything?

Hmm, where do we begin? The rubble or the sins? The sins of course! The rubble is the second half!

Pompeii is a strange movie in that we already know how it ends. Everyone dies right? Huge explosion. It is sort of like a disaster movie, but also a historical film. They have an advantage here too, where they can kind of just tell any story they want to and then end with everyone dying and no one can say they are wrong.

In this story, a Roman Senator, Corvus (Kiefer Sutherland) in 62 AD takes out an entire Celtic village who were showing resistance for a trade route, with his bodyguard Proculus (Sasha Roiz). Well, they missed a kid, who later gets caught my slavers, and 17 years later he is now a really good fighter. He was trained as a gladiator, because why not.

As luck would have it, this Celt, Milo (Kit Harrington) is packaged up from his small time market and sent to the bigger leagues in Pompeii! There a lot of coincidences happen, such as meeting the fair Cassia (Emily Browning), basically a Pompeian princess. Her parents (Jared Harris, Carrie-Anne Moss) want to expand Pompeii with Roman money, so they have to put on a show for a senator, which just so happens to be Corvus.

So, Milo is in the same city with the people who murdered his whole tribe! Too bad he has to also fight Atticus (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje), who is about to earn his freedom if he gets one last victory.

Oh, and of course, while all of the human stuff is happening, Mt. Vesuvius decides to get its boom boom on and explode for a ridiculously long time, causing a lot of destruction. During the climactic finale, the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we learned to love. There were great great clouds that rolled over the hills, bringing darkness from above.

Then a lot of people died.

Oh look, Kiefer is in a movie where shit is going down in less than a day. Huh.

I was left to my own devices to really analyze this movie.

So let’s start with the story! Gladiator redemption is always a nice story to choose, just like in Spartacus and Gladiator. Most of those movies give our heroes a lot more time to work with, in terms of training, and battles, and eventual redemption, so time was the real enemy here given the explosive finale. I think it did a decent job at conveying it all quickly, with the appropriate motivation for most of our main characters. The battle scenes themselves were generally pretty awesome, although some felt a little bit too close to Gladiator.

The effects from the volcano were also decent, not amazing, just decent. During the ending, it became more of a hindrance as there were possibly “too many effects” going on at once, that it all felt choppy and a bit blurry, so that was disappointing.

In terms of acting and dialogue, it kind of went all over the place. A few scenes felt repetitive and the quick love didn’t feel right to me. Sutherland appeared to actually be acting in this movie, so he stood out more than normal playing the pompous jerk.

I think it would have been a sexier movie if they added some other historical relevant material. Maybe a cameo involving the only real story we know associated with this eruption with Pliny the Elder and Pliny the Younger.

Overall, Pompeii didn’t blow me out of the water as much as I hoped it would. I am also grateful that it didn’t poop all over the walls either. I plan on visiting Pompeii in my life, hopefully sometime in the next year. When I get there, I hope I can just close my eyes and have it almost feel like I have been there before. But until then, I can only speculate and use this film as a source for how it might have felt.

Eh. Eh oh. Eh oh.

All Is Lost.

I don’t know a lot about this movie, but I am pretty sure it is about feeling hopeless and giving up. This would make it the polar opposite of the film, Never Back Down. I do know it was getting some Oscar hype but only appeared in the indie theaters an hour away, so I never went to see it. I also found out it was directed by J.C. Chandor, who has only ever done one other film, Margin Call, which I loved.

So, I guess that is a positive. Woo!

Shit son, that looks calm as fuck. Why are you so hopeless?

In this survival drama, we have one character, and very very little dialogue. You are going to be mostly left with scenery, special effects, and one man, (Robert Redford). His name isn’t given, so instead of just calling him man, I will just keep calling him Robert Redford.

The dialogue that exists mostly comes from the first scene of the boat, where Robert Redford is writing in a journal and we get some narration. Then we find out why he is drifting hopelessly in sea, by switching to 8 days earlier.

His boat crashes into a shipping container, floating in the ocean. We have a leak! This Robert Redford fellow is like MacGyver, very knowledgeable, and he quickly tries to fix the situation. Unfortunately, a lot of his communication and navigation equipment gets damaged. A boat is nice, but not knowing where you are in the ocean is scary.

What then follows is 90 more minutes of more and more shit progressively hitting the fan, as problem after problem occurs. Storms, capsizing, fires, damaged supplies, all of that.

You will feel hopeless if you pay attention to the movie. How long could you survive if you weren’t as smart as Robert Redford?

This is only like, two layers of shit hitting the fan at that point. I don’t want to spoil too much after all.

If anything All Is Lost is an intense film and certainly not for everyone. If you only have a short attention span, it might not be able to catch your grasp. If you really need dialogue to keep you interested in a movie, it might not be your cup of tea. If you want more than one character, then you are shit out of luck.

All Is Lost is definitely a beautiful film, and a nice film to see Robert Redford too. He has been on an upswing lately, not acting a lot in the first ten years of the 2000s, but in a lot more films recently, and it is good that he is willing to still try different and new things at his age.

I think the film was nicely made and decent, but I also know I never really want to see it again. I do like dialogue and hate it when I get nothing. All Is Lost makes me feel feels, but not feel feels that I will probably be able to recreate. After I know how it ends and learn what happens, I don’t think there is enough to entertain me as much a second time.

Sorry All Is Lost. Good luck on winning uh…Best Sound Editing.

Ah, nothing creates a romantic Valentine’s Day movies like remaking films from the 1980s.

About Last Night… is seen as a classic romance movie by some, starring Rob Lowe and Demi Moore, and others wildly hate it. So why did they decide to remake it? YOLO, that’s why.

The remake, About Last Night, is quite different from the original with one big huge glaring difference. Yep, they got rid of the ellipse in the title.

I am so color blind, that I have no idea what any of the pictures I post on this website are. They all look like blank.
DO THE JOKES MAKE SENSE? I DON’T KNOW!!

The story is about four people who go about love in different ways.

First, Bernie (Kevin Hart) and Joan (Regina Hall) meet at a club and have drunken incredibly weird sex. But they love it, and they want to meet up some more, so they both bring their friends to meet each other too. Joan brings Debbie (Joy Bryant), her “boring” roommate, and Bernie brings Danny (Michael Ealy), his work bro.

Somehow Danny and Debbie hit it off, thanks to their mutual disgust they both show from the excessive display between Bernie and Joan.

Aw, everyone is dating now. But Bernie and Joan hit troubles and really quickly start to loathe each others existence. However, things for Danny and and Debbie are progressing quickly. They turn their adulterous relationship into love, and even move in with each other. Aww. But in the end, both couples seem to be making poor decision after poor decision.

Maybe none of the four actually have all of the right answers?

Also, Christopher McDonald is in this movie, and he doesn’t play a villain. That was maybe the most surprising element.

Even more surprising than that Halloween “costume.”

It has been a long time since I saw the original movie, so I don’t actually remember how much the new version differs. The expected plot lines and times throughout the year when they occur are the same, but everything else from what I can tell is different.

And it is hilarious. Technically, the main plot line is serious and dramatic and sad and romantic. But the side plot line with Hart and Hall killed it. It absolutely had me in stitches. Their charisma and banter was amazing. I am willing to say that the humor presented by these two is worth the price of admission.

I am not saying the dramatic elements from our main two characters are bad, they were good too. But they weren’t super entertaining. It was just “okay” acting, and the characters made strange decisions that I never really understood. But I got over it.

The enjoyment I felt overall from laughing every time Hall/Hart were on the screen overpowered the lesser aspects that presented themselves in the story. Is it the best movie ever? Not at all, but About Last Night makes me feel a bit giddy, and that’s why I ended up liking it.

Endless Love is another 1980s movie remake coming out this Valentine’s Day weekend. Unlike About Last Night and RoboCop however, I never saw the original.

This allowed me to come into this movie with a completely open mind! From the trailer, it looks like it is going to go super serious with it all. I actually liked the trailer, using a slower version of Addicted To Love. From the way it is set up, I am almost certain someone is going to die by the end of the movie. Someone has to, right?

My official guess was neither of the main characters too. I guessed The Butler!

The Butterfield family is the cream of the crop in this small town. Their fortune simply came from being in a long line of doctors. Unfortunately, the eldest child, Chris, died of cancer before he could go off to college and carry on the family legacy. Now it is up to Jade (Gabriella Wilde) to kick butt in high school and get into Brown! So she does that, but through the sadness of her brother’s death, and focusing on grades, she never really made any friends, or boyfriends, or lived life at all!

But then there is David (Alex Pettyfer), who has liked her for years but never talked to her, for some reason. Well, now that she is about to leave for an internship, it seems like a good time to talk to her?

After a few romantic gestures, she falls hard for him, maybe just because someone else is finally nice to her.

Unfortunately, he has no college aspirations, and isn’t rich, so the dad (Bruce Greenwood) hates him, despite her mother (Joely Richardson) and other brother (Rhys Wakefield) totally thinking he is awesome.

Blah blah, blah blah, forbidden love, fleeting lust, and maybe someone dies.

Robert Patrick plays David’s father, and Dayo Okeniyi plays his best friend.

Fuck. This film should have just been named Endless Kiss, amirite?

Hmm. Endless Love might have had the chance to be a good story. It could have been kind of great. But it never really elevated out of poorly acted drama, and never in anyway felt believable.

It is a travesty that love is even in the film title, when this is one of the most obvious cases of lust getting out of hand that I have ever seen. Arguably, that could be the point of the movie. The teens feel like it is a great love, when really, they have known each for like, a week. But that “moral” was never really explored at all by the end, so I would have a hard time arguing for it. No, we just got two teenagers overreacting, and then overreacting even more. Like an exponential function.

The melodrama was high with this movie. Maybe even over 9000 units of melodrama.

I might have rated it higher, if the ending wasn’t so cheesy and bad. I felt like nothing was really gained or learned by the characters, outside of the normal “teehee, love!” bullcrap that romance novels try to portray. I’d like to say I am romantic person and generally will rate romance or RomComs pretty high, but this one could never stick.

Just so we are clear, I am saying something like About Time, a romance movie about time travel, is more realistic than Endless Love in basically every aspect. That is how fake everything felt to me.

[Editor’s Note: Apparently I watched a German version of the movie, and the movie is actually French. Whoops. Oh well, not changing all of my language specific references. Actually French!]

So, I had no idea that they were dubbing Ernest & Celestine, or else I might have waited a few weeks. But sure enough, end of February, there will be a dubbed version with a lot of big names playing key parts. Forest Whitaker, Paul Giamatti, William H. Macy, and Nick Offerman to name a few. I know those men!

Not personally, but I have heard of them. But I am left with a bunch of German speaking people. Mannn.

Oh well, the reason of course I am even watching this random animated movie, is that it happened to be nominated for Best Animated Film in the Oscars. To me, this was the one real shocker, because I had never heard of it before. But hey, why not give it a shot, it could be surprisingly awesome.

Shit, it has a bear that can play several instruments at once? Sign me up!

The cool thing about the German language, is at least 20% of it makes a little bit sense when hearing it, if you know English. A lot of cross over words, yo.

This story is about Eine kleine Maus, Celestine, und der grosse Bear, Ernest. I guess the only one you might not know there is grosse, which is big/large.

Celestine was an orphan Mouse, who wanted to draw and be an artist. They were told stories of the big scary bears, but she didn’t believe in them. Ernest is poor, and broke, living on the streets, barely enough food to survive.

Eventually, Celestine leaves her home, and gets a job in the bear city as a dentist intern. When a mouse loses one of their two main teeth, it will mean certain death, and they have started to steal teeth from bear cubs when they put them under their pillows, to help replace them.

Well, she gets punished for not getting a lot of teeth, and now she can’t return until she gets at least fifty teeth! She runs into Ernest, who of course, tries to eat her, but she is able to help him break into a candy shop in order to eat til he is full. They continue to run into each other, helping each other out with favors, until both of their respective communities see their cooperation and are disgusted.

HOW CAN A MOUSE AND A BEAR BE FRIENDS? HOW CAN THEY INTERACT? IT IS DANGEROUS, IT IS WRONG!

Read: Racism metaphors.

But clearly their friendship is a beautiful thing that should be celebrated! Oh, poor Celestine and Ernest, whatever will you do, with the cops coming after you, and a bunch of assholes trying to persecute you for doing no wrong?

Of course he will listen to her, if she sweet talks candy in his ear like that.

I ended up really liking the animation style here. Sure, it looks like a glorified Charmin commercial, and having bears doesn’t help that fact, but it was still very unique and interesting to watch.

The story itself was cute, but also really really straight forward. It had amusing moments, and a couple tense ones, but it is a simple story for kids.

You aren’t going to get Wall-E level storylines here. It is a nice story, a good story, and well done. It just doesn’t take any risks.

Ernest & Celstine is a story that will keep the family entertained for sure, just one that isn’t Best Animated Film of the year material.

Winter’s Tale has the honor of being the only movie released this week of four that is not a remake. No, but it is based on a book that came out from the 1980’s (The three remakes all come from 80’s movies too!).

This one also had the most advertising of the four, with a trailer that just…well, was just weird. It looked messy, or vague. It was either about magic, or religion, or coincidences. Really had no idea going in.

Yo, Colin, why is your hair so weird in this movie?

Winter’s Tale is definitely a hard movie to really describe. But let’s just say some of the basics.

Peter Lake (Colin Farrell) came to America from (German?) immigrants who weren’t allowed in. So they floated him in on a tiny boat.

He grew up on the streets, so he became a master thief, raised by Pearly Soames (Russell Crowe), who now wants to kill him. Apparently Peter isn’t evil enough.

While on the run, Peter decides to rob one last house. There he finds Beverly Penn (Jessica Brown Findlay), a sick girl who is literally too hot. Her sickness is killing her, because she is so hot, she can literally melt the cold winter snow around her. She is so hot, she has to sleep on the roof of her house in a tent, or the whole thing might burn down and kill her. She is so hot, she is a virgin, because sex would be her hotness squared.

Anyways, she is sick, Peter is in love, Pearly wants to kill him or her (he is kind of unsure), people are agents for angels and demons, miracles and chaos, the universe loves everyone, and eventually Peter goes 100 years into the future.

Kevin Corrigan (and later, Kevin Durand, but much shorter time frame) plays a lackey, William Hurt plays Beverly’s dad, Jennifer Connelly is the future adult female, and Will Smith is the man in the very very black shorts, Lucifer!

See? She is wearing white. That’s how you know she is innocent.

A-ha! This movie is slightly religious and magic based! A-ha!

That means nothing to me though. Because to me, this movie was a lot of confusing. Unfortunately anything that might be considered a plot hole or vague area can be wiped away with “magic” which plays a huge deus ex machina element. So I won’t complain about the inconsistencies that I saw.

The acting itself was okay mostly. I thought Connelly was terrible in it though. Thankfully her role was much smaller.

I think the movie wanted to go for this huge, philosophical and magical plot line, but just never reached its extremely lofty goals. I can’t tell if it was meant to be a comedy, but moments had me laughing out loud with how “bad” it all was, including the drawing of the red haired girl that was floating around. The vaguest, most nondescript image ever, leading to such big conclusions.

To me, this just goes to show my point. Colin Farrell is still a 50/50 hit or miss good movie actor. No middle ground, just good or bad.

Motherfucking RoboCop.

The Hero of Detroit.

Why he doesn’t have a statue yet, I still do not know. Fucking politicians, corrupt as always.

Anyways, when I heard there was a remake, I was fine with it. When I heard it was PG-13, I was confused. Do they understand the point of that franchise? Besides the satire, of course.

He is black, because black is cool and sexy.

Needless to say, no, RoboCop remake isn’t as bad as everyone said it was before they gave it a chance. I even had a popular tweet a few months back claiming it would suck, and really, it wasn’t super terrible, it just also wasn’t super amazing.

Alex Murphy (Joel Kinnaman) is a Detroit detective, and working on uncovering a huge drug and weapons king pin. The detectives meant to monitor him are on his payroll, lots of corruption everywhere. During an encounter, his partner (Michael Kenneth Williams, for authenticity) gets injured.

Murphy really wants to bring him in. So they bomb his car to kill him. Unfortunately they only really leave him super badly disfigured.

At the same time, Omnicorp is making robot police men! But America doesn’t want them to patrol the streets, no trust for whatever reason, so instead they are used to keep peace in the Middle East. Their owner (Michael Keaton) is at war with the government, to overturn their policy making robot guards no longer illegal. Eventually he gets the idea. Why not put a human in a robot, and win the public that way?

Yes…yes…that will allow him to make lots of money. As long as the Robot Human Cop is as good as just a Robot of course. Yet also somehow maintain his human characteristics. Can it be done?

Gary Oldman plays the bio-scientist who has the capabilities of putting a man in a robot body. Jackie Earle Haley is a militaristic trainer. Abbie Cornish is the wife. Jay Baruchel is in here for some reason. And Samuel L. Jackson plays some sort of Bill O’Reilly motherfucker, with a nightly TV show that can warp the American point of view.

He is black because of genetics.

There are at least 3-4 references to the Detroit Red Wings in this movie. This is excellent. In this universe, the Red Wings still exist in all of their glory in like 20 years.

One other amazing thing happened to me in this movie. They played the song Focus by Hocus Pocus. It is a song I have been trying to find the name of for the last 4-5 years, but as it is an instrumental with yodeling and other weird noise, can’t exactly look it up. Thank you for your contributions to my sanity.

Oh you wan’t actual review? Okay.

Well, RoboCop wasn’t completely sucky. It wasn’t completely amazing either. They spent a lot lot lot of time before we actually got RoboCop into the streets. We had to watch the set up, the idea, the training, the tests, everything. Once he was about to hit the streets, he had another quick breakdown that they had fix again. Far too much of the movie was given to these factors, probably as they were trying to keep it PG-13 and not have him, you know, being a Cop.

I do think the film did capture the spirit of the original. Corrupt corporations and what not, so that is fine.

It had its entertaining moments and they increased the intensity of the ED-209, those big two legged walker robots.

I also really enjoyed the ending. And by that, I mean that they ended it on a nice note and didn’t automatically set up a sequel. That happens a lot more in movies nowadays. Fuck that.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Are you disappointed I didn’t review Valentine’s Day? Me too, a bit, but I just got My Bloody Valentine on Blu-Ray for a whole dollar, so I really really wanted to review it sometime soon. Before we all forget that this remake was even happening.

One thing I remember from the previews for My Bloody Valentine, way back in 2009, is that it really really wanted to sell the whole 3D idea. This came out about 11 months before Avatar, so at that point, no one cared about 3D movies. It was usually that Blue-Red crap, and the RealD stuff hadn’t really expanded that much (Although that is what this movie used). So yeah, I remember thinking, “3D, ew!” because I assumed it would be shit.

Boy, look how far we have come as a society.

That’s right. Killers in grocery stores. That is about three steps away from Nirvana.

The movie takes place in a shitty small mining community. Back in the day, they had a mining collapse that trapped several people inside. Days later, only one of the miners was found alive, Harry Warden, but he was in a coma. This took place on Valentine’s Day. That might be important. Either way, they find out the other miners were killed by a pickaxe and determined Harry killed them to give himself all the available air. He wakes up from his coma a year later, going on a murderous rampage in the hospital and mine (where a teen party is being held) before he is a shot and killed.

But the majority of the movie takes place ten years later…

Tom (Jensen Ackles) has returned to town. His father was the owner of the mine, and he has just died, so he has come back to sell it. He barely survived the attack from Warden ten years prior, the police killing him right before the blow. A mistake of Tom is also reason for the cave in, so the death of the miners was also on his hands. Either way, he left town, vowing to never return, but now he is back.

And guess what, apparently so is Warden.

Tom’s old girlfriend Sarah (Jaime King) is now married to Axel (Kerr Smith), who is the new town Deputy. Too bad he is cheating on her with Megan (Megan Boone).

Needless to say, someone is starting to kill people again, and most of them are related to the events from ten years ago. Whether it be the local cops now retired (Kevin Tighe, Tom Atkins) or teens that were partying in the mines that night. And who is the killer? Someone involved? Or a random townsfolk who is upset that the mine might be sold, ruining business?

Edi Gathegi is also in this, as a deputy.

The main actress has all the qualifications necessary to star in a horror film.

My Bloody Valentine is actually a remake of a 1981 film with the same name. From what I can tell, they have wildly different plots, except for the killers trademark gear and weapons.

I must say, I was surprised at how many ways he could kill someone with a pickaxe/shovel/mining gear. There were several creative ways, and the dude did a good job sticking to the theme.

And hey, technically, by the end, I was still guessing on who the killer actually could be. I don’t hate the answer, it was nicely done and added a unique angle to it all.

That being said, this is probably a shitty movie and you know it. It goes over the top on purpose, and stays near the top, with ridiculous situation and kills that are at least mildly entertaining. The acting is dull, but that is what it was going for.

Adding it all up, it is probably the best Valentine’s Day themed killer movie there is, but being on top doesn’t mean great quality.

Finally, it is February, which means theaters are allowed to show good new movies again! Both The Monuments Men and The Lego Movie are out the same weekend, which adds some credit to the theory that studios literally wait to release their movies right outside of January, to separate themselves from the junk.

This movie in particular has an all-star cast, directed by George Clooney (his fifth overall), and a World War II story. Yeah, it has a lot going for them.

Typical rag tag group of men to save the day.

The Monuments Men tells the true story of a group of seven men, mostly art historians, curators, and museum directors, who join up with the Allied forces to preserve culture and art that might be destroyed during World War II. Most of these men are old, or out of shape, but they believe in their goal, and convinced the men in charge to let them help.

They were brought together by Frank Stokes (George Clooney), who had the idea after they almost lost The Last Supper when the UK bombed a city. His hand picked team included James Granger (Matt Damon), a painter, Richard Campbell (Bill Murray), an architect, Walter Garfield (John Goodman), a sculptor, Preston Savitz (Bob Balaban), a historian. They also have Donald Jeffries (Hugh Bonneville) and Jean Claude Clermont (Jean Dujardin), a British officer and a French man, for culture purposes. They are later joined by Sam Epstein (Dimitri Leonidas), a German translator.

These men split up around the war front from 1943-1945 searching for lost and stolen treasures. The Germans hid the art in their country and intended to destroy them should Hitler be killed. They also are racing against the Russians, who have lost so many men in the war that any stolen art they find they will steal right back and keep for themselves as a sort of reparations.

Also starring Cate Blanchett, as a very convincing French art curator, who really enjoys a nice painting. Like. A lot.

Bill Murray looks like a fucking giant in this movie.

Well drat. Turns out, The Monuments Men ended up being the antithesis to That Awkward Moment. If you remember, That Awkward Moment looked bad, but turned out to be decent.

Clooney took an interesting piece of history, put in great actors, and gave us a mediocre movie overall. It is incredibly disappointing that this movie wasn’t amazing, but I have to make sure my review still accurately reflects the overall quality, and not just say it is bad because I am feeling betrayed.

This movie did surprise me in a few ways. One, I saw Murray give a real and convincing cry, which I definitely did not see coming. I don’t think I have ever seen that man cry, it was heartfelt, and I almost teared up as well. Two, I did learn about some famous art pieces in Europe, and it is awesome how close they came to being destroyed/lost forever. Three, there isn’t a number three.

All of the funny moments made it into the trailer, leaving not a lot more for the movie. That is incredibly disappointing, as it was advertised a comedy, with not a lot of laughs. The rest of the movie was slower and more dramatic, but most of the times I didn’t really care enough about the individual characters to care what was happening to them.

The Monuments Men will be forgotten with time. It was a decently acted movie, certainly not bottom of the barrel in terms of quality, it just didn’t have a lot more going on for it.

I’ve seen some weird movies in my days.

You know it is true, because I go and seek them out. Weird strange movies are like my beer of choice, if I had a beer of choice.

Which is why I was interested in seeing Bad Milo! The plot line is definitely on the weirder side, and it had the potential of being a good horror/comedy, not just a shitty one. So, you know. Hope it delivers, and shit.

You will be grinning like this guy once you get that last subtle joke.

Not gonna lie. I watched this like two weeks ago, and kind of forgot to write the plot outline right away. So I am going to vague it up.

Duncan (Ken Marino) has. Um. Stomach problems.

Like, really big stomach problems. Turns out there might be a polyp or something in his stomach. Not good. But it turns out, his stomach problem has the ability to kill. Just not him. During a very big episode in the bathroom, Duncan passes out. When that happens a big…well, look at the picture. That thing leaves his ass, all evil and shit, and goes and kills someone who was annoying him at that moment. The thing returns, safely crawling back into his ass and he doesn’t know about it.

Yay! What?

Yes, apparently poor Duncan is hosting his own inner demon, that kills for him. Kind of strange.

Also starring Gillian Jacobs as his wife! Stephen Root, Peter Stormare, and Patrick Warburton too, as various characters.

Shit, this movie is a romance. Who saw that coming?

Bad Milo was a very…well…interesting movie.

The concept I can say is unique, even though it is parodying off of some other horror tropes. Not enough ass play in those regular movies though, so this one had to add that element, so that we could all laugh and enjoy it.

The movie is unfortunately really low quality, which I would say negatively affected my viewing. Just a bit too low budget B-movie for me.

Really, it just didn’t do that much for me. That is why I took so long to finally write this review (And going to 5 days a week of course). Even though I like some of the actors involved, it just didn’t feel creative enough for me. Sure, ass monsters that leave and kill people? Creative. But everything else, ehhh.

I am probably just being a negative nancy. I think I gave the movie a fair shot, it just didn’t appease. Oh well. I am sure there will be more shitty movies in the future that I might enjoy.