Day: January 9, 2012

This is for the Swedish version of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, not the newer one, and definitely not the Swedish book.

Got that? I am already tired of writing out the title.

I kept putting this off, not because I didn’t want to watch it, I just didn’t want to watch a bunch of long swedish movies, and read subtitles. But hey! At least the Blu-Ray versions all have English dubs. Great. As long as I don’t stare at the mouths, I am good to go.

Michael Nyqvist is the main dude, and just lost some court case. He wrote an expose on some famous guy, who took him to court over the alleged facts and won. But instead of trying to appeal, he kinda just blahs out. He then (I really cant see how this happens) gets hired by this old dude to research and look into a death from 40 years prior.

My guess is because he is a research journalist, so the guy wants him to do research?

Noomi Rapace plays “that girl”, and works for some security company as a private investigator, and is hired to follow Nyqvist. There is also this other story about her having a guardian still (I think she is supposed to be 17 then?), and it is very rapey.

Rapey? Yeah. Rape appears a lot in this movie.

So much rape it will make your head spin.

Anyways. They eventually team up, find the truth, fix the problems, and everything works out. Kinda.

It was definitely an interesting, if not weird. Acting was good, and it was disturbing at parts. Nudity, for those who like that, but not “sexy nudity”. I think there were lot of different themes and sub-stories that appeared in the book, but were only lightly touched upon in the movie. Half-assing stuff like that irks me. Putting things in movies just because it was in the book, but not as fully as it was in the book. Appeals to those who read the book, but angers people who like to consider the movie to be its own thing (well, me? And no one else maybe).

So as just a movie, it was pretty decent. But had too many smaller announces that bugged it for me. Ending was kind of weird too. Didn’t understand everything after the first “conclusion” of the movie, and it felt weird by itself. Oh well.

Heck yes. Straight to video, Scorpion King 3: Battle For Redemption. This is clearly the movie you have been looking for.

In fact, here is a real piece of “Trivia” on IMDB about it, and possibly the best trivia I have ever read for a movie:

This film is a sequel to the second film The Scorpion King: Rise of a Warrior. So this is a sequel of a prequel The Scorpion King, which is a prequel to The Mummy Returns, which is a sequel to The Mummy which is a remake of 1932’s The Mummy.

Get all of that? I linked to the links they provided. So don’t worry, I didn’t miss one.

The last picture on page 1 for SK3 is this, and the first one of the actual main characters. Go figure.

I wish I could say the guy on the left (Bostin Christopher) is there for comic relief. I mean. He is. But to me it seems that everyone is there for comic relief. I don’t think I single character is really that serious in the movie. Not campy, like a lot of The Mummy’s characters, but mostly just dumb. The main guy is played by Victor Webster, and for some reason he is a mercenary.

Ron Perlman! A king of some blah place hires them to go and fuck up another guys place. That other guy being Billy Zane with hair. Probably a Tyrant. Also is getting the Book of the Dead to cast some spells, get some ghost warriors, and become a god. Something like that. And they have to stop him!

Ron Perlman just wants the area to rule though. So he also might be bad.

He also has crazy hair!

So, this movie is a mess. Not only does it never grasp your attention (since everything seems like a Joke, despite the “Serious tone”) but it is also boring (Reader: “Didn’t you imply that with never grasping your attention?” No. No I did not). Plot is stupid, no one acts good, and not even funny.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME RON PERLMAN? YOU CAN DO GREAT THINGS. YOU WERE HELLBOY!

But he must have money problems or something. Because he seems to take every movie that comes his way.

Or maybe he is just bored, and realizes life is short, why not make some (a lot of) shitty movies?