Day: November 21, 2011

Looking at all of the tags, I know you are thinking the same thing. How the hell does a movie called Predators not also include Chris Hanson?

Because he’d catch them all too quickly and make them have a seat.

The movie begins with Adrien Brody falling in the sky. He is strapped to the chair and flipping out, cause he is falling through the sky. He kinda gets a parachute off, allowing him to note die, but also, only kinda. I generally don’t expect to see Brody as a big action star, but he pulled it off pretty convincingly in the jungle.

Who else fell from the sky? A bunch of soldiers and criminals I tell ya! Alice Braga, the only woman, Danny Trejo, Walton Goggins (Rapist like guy who is in prison jump suit) and Topher Grace. Topher Grace?! Yeah. He is just a doctor. Awkward.

Also, later they meet a past survivor. One Laurence Fishburne, kicking ass, and taking names.

So why are they out in the middle of no where? Eventually they find out that they are prey, for some type of aliens war games. Humans who speak English tend to call them Predators, which is good to know! I am sure their alien name is something like Graafbbfzx. These Predators only tend to kill bad humans though, not innocent ones. So, the title makes more sense when you realize that even the prey are “predators” in their own right. We see what you did there, movie people.

But an alien that only prededates on other predators? So it is like an army of strong, alien, highly technological, Dexters.

I can kind of see the resemblance too.

What can you expect from a movie based on some 80s movies? A pretty decent action movie, actually. By making all the humans bad people, I have no problem with a force running around killing humans. Usually I think Humans > All Aliens, but hey, if they are bad people, who cares right? So I can enjoy the (many) deaths that occur, and the tactics the humans use to try and survive and kill them first.

Thankfully the plot didn’t have much going for it. A very easy thing to imagine, since we already have to imagine aliens with great technology, we can easily imagine they can have a planet where humans can live, and teleport them from Earth to this place, and you know, death. Also there was a samurai sword fight scene out of no where. These Predators at heart at just warriors, and duelists. They give humans a fair fight, and I like that too. What is the fun in massive slaughter?

Dun nun nun nun nun. Pew pew. Whip it good.

I immediately apologize for doing that. But for some reason I cannot delete it. Oh well.

When I first heard of this movie, I thought it was lame. Mostly because Drew Barrymore annoys me half the time, and she was in charge of it. Similarly, this might have been Ellen Page‘s first big release after Juno. Not sure.

So plotwise, Ellen is a loser in Texas! Her mom makes her do beauty pageants, but she doesn’t want to. Teen angst. Her friend, Alia Shawkat, tells her to man up and stop doing shit like that. Before I go on, her life at home is different. Her dad is there, but never fully around. It makes it seem like he is living in a van (where he has a TV for sports and stuff). But why is he in the van? Maybe its because he is Daniel Stern, and thus no one wants to be near him.

“Want to join me in my van, little kid?

So yeah, she goes to a roller derby event, loves it, and Kristen Wiig tells her to try out.

Sorry it took so long to get to the actual plot. That took awhile. She does, but she has to lie about her age to do so. I am sure that won’t come back to haunt her.

Through some miracle she makes the team, but is never played. Until she starts to play, and her small frame allows to score the heck out of some points and actually let her team win a game or two! Then they all become the best of friends! Then rising action, climax, end of movie.

Oh, and Jimmy Fallon is the announcer at all these games.

“A movie about mostly girls, and you show pictures of two dudes? That’s sexist.” – Gorgview.com reader.

Unfortunately for my Drew Barrymore dislike, I liked her movie. The conflict near the end was obvious, but it was also was kind of just swept under the rug too. That kind of bugged me.

Ellen’s transformation from “Okay mother” pageant girl to kick ass “celebrity” who learns to take control of her life is a good one. There is morals too in the story, and not just loose ones. That is a plus. But it was also entertaining and funny. Besides, it is also kind of a sports movie, and who doesn’t love sports movies?