Day: November 7, 2011

Ugh.

I thought this movie, Push, would be a pretty simple action movie. Something about telekinetic people, maybe some government testing, and all this running around in Hong Kong. Cool stuff. Unfortunatly, it was beyond simple. Not in the good way. This was a complicated movie to understand, for just something about people with powers. I know Chris Evans loves playing people with powers, but come on man, you gotta learn to say no.

Despite the fame and fortune it may bring you.

This movie starts out simple. Dude is young, his dad tells him to hide, and to help a girl who gives him flowers in the future. Then he dies. Boom opening credits.

Then a girls voice begins talking and explaining a lot of back story. I even heard the word Nazi during it, so you know it is serious.

Later girl, Dakota Fanning, finds Evans and starts telling him the future. Turns out she is a “Watcher” and can predict the future, kinda. He is a “Mover” meaning he can telepathically move shit / control the air around him. Alright, fine, two types of people with dumb names for their powers got it.

They have to find a case worth a lot of money she says, and also it involves some other girl, Camilla Belle, who is a “Pusher” who can telepathically push memories/directions into other people’s heads. Alright. Three types of powers. Got it. Dumb name still. But cool. Also, USA is testing a new drug on people to enhance these powers, but it killed most people, except her.

And then landslide of confusion. There are a lot of different powers in this movie, and they often don’t explain them right away. Then you hear someone talking about a “Stitcher”, then a “Shadow”, then a “Wiper”, then a “Sniff”. You are like, holy shit, what the fuck is going on. If you memorize the terms of all of them before the movie, you’d be good to go, so here is a list. WTF, am I right? I can’t just learn all of this stuff in a slowly quick paced action movie. I don’t know anyone who could.

Besides that confusion, this movie has about as many holes as a piece of Pumice.

This could be the first rock picture on Gorgon Reviews.

So, confusing nomenclature, causing zero assurance of what anyone can do (and how all these people came to exist anyways). Plot holes, so you don’t understand how events in the movie even happen. These two sentences do not bode well for a good movie experience. Bind those up with an ending where we are supposed to accept out of no where that somehow Chris Evans’ character became the smartest man in existence, and it just rates very low.

Unthinkable starts off with some Muslim dude saying he has planted three nuclear bombs in cities around America, and set to go off in a few days, Friday at noon.

I could swear, during the video of this, which they were showing CIA/FBI people on Wednesday, someone said “That’s four days!”. Dumb. Just saying.

The beginning of this movie is kind of weird too, with the FBI being behind the news in this matter. For some reason, when trying to find said suspect, they get attached to Samuel L Jackson, who kind of just sticks around. We are told he is a dangerous man under protection. But good thing they did, because he can help!

And SLJ just loves helping people!

The head FBI lady is Carrie-Anne Moss, or Trinity from The Matrix. SLJ is a “interrogation specialist” or at least a guy who is willing to do anything in torture to get the truth. Yes, even the Unthinkable.

His assistant is Benito Martinez, or that guy from The Shield, and Stephen Root is his lawyer/representative guy. I have been wanting to tag Stephen Root forever, he is probably in half of these movies I have on the site, but NEVER has a major role.

Anyways. Most of the movie is the few days of them trying to torture this guy, going back and forth between the two methods. And by back and forth, I mean 90% of it is SLJ’s way. 100%, if you assume he is allowing the other way to even happen, and can stop it whenever.

Obviously this movie questions everything about interrogation procedures. Does torture give viable results? Which side is overall right? Why is the head army dude so wishwashy and quick to pass blame? (Seriously, what a horrible character. Not believable). I guess it just goes to show that no one know what to do when trying to stop 3 nuclear bombs from going off.

I find it hard to believe a guy could make them. Especially with such great “countdown software” which I bet is only real in movies.

But the movie and acting were very great. The only thing I can take out of this really is that they really hate Muslims. I think the film avoids taking sides, and still has a dreary ending just to prove that live sucks. You know. Well, it would at least if we didn’t have Samuel L. Jackson.

If Samuel L. Jackson was actually in charge of torturing a man, you know he’d have shotguns instead.

This is NOT a review of the books, or a comparison of them. Also, these reviews will be SLATHERED with spoilers. So, there is the warning.

Harry Potter is Daniel Radcliff, Ron Weasley is Rupert Grint, and Hermoine is Emma Watson. There are some other people, but who cares after the main three. The goal of the series was to have all the actors play the same role for all 7 (At the time, but now 8 ) movies! Lets see how that worked out.

It doesn’t.

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

This first movie is very very simple. It has to get you caught up on the backstory (or origin), who the bad guys are, how the world works, etc. So you can consider this movie to be like the first movie of a superhero series, if it makes it easier. Like all good superheros, Harry Potter also lost his parents at an early age. While most superheroes still find themselves in a good situation, loving family, Harry gets the short end of the stick and has to live in an abusive house. The people in the house are the only real non magic users we learn about in this series, so I kinda just have to assume all British people are like that.

Logic!

Blah blah. Big scary hairy guy tells him he is special. Steals him to a witch school (where no Muggles are allowed. Hmm. Seems kind of racist. Flaw in the series? I’m not saying Muggles and Wizards are different races. But the people in the movie do. Really, to compare it to superheroes, they are like Mutants. Since two non-mutants can still make a mutant baby.

At mutant orphan school, he is picked on by Alan Rickman, is talked about behind is back, and learns to do magic. Like normal middle/high school. Some gay old man takes a special interest in him, and the rest is history.

Oh yeah. And some guy with another dude on his head tries to kill him through a series of weird games and three headed dogs to get to a stone that lets people live forever. That part was just weird though.

Really, this just looks like some sort of artsy statue.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Year 2! Life at home still sucks. School doesn’t. Turns out homeboy can talk to Snakes. That’d be amazing to me, you know, if these same people weren’t also flying around, shooting off spells and shit.

Some famous book guy replaces guy with two heads who tried to kill Harry as a teacher, and he also is inept at the job. Also, people are dying. Giant Basilisk in sewers? Oh no, evil dude who is dead kinda went to school here, had a diary (hah…) and tricked Harry! Don’t worry. The diary dies by the end, and all the kids are no longer stone.

What is going on here? Is he looking away so he doesn’t become stone? Why doesn’t the basilisk just bite him?

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Year 3! Home sucks, school doesn’t. Another new teacher, also inept, also suspicious. This one involves wearwolves though!

Oh. And shit. Dangerous criminals escaped from Prison. That sucks. More magic learning, more hall sneaking, more no good doing. Also, time travel. They got everything under the sun pretty much in this movie. Even that Dumbledore guy seemed confused by it all. HEY WAIT.

THAT’S A DIFFERENT ACTOR! SHENANIGANS!

Thankfully the actor change wasn’t this significant.

Richards Harris died before the third of eight movies! All of their plans, ruined! Guess they shouldn’t have picked such an old actor for such a long project. Oh well, enter Michael Gambon.

I can’t even remember if Voldermort is in this movie. I know it has animal rights stuff. But I think this one just has his lackies.

Oh yeah, and the escaped convict is Gary Oldman, not actually a murderer, and Harry’s godfather. So his last remaining “family” even though that word is a big stretch still.

Why so serious, Black? This works because Oldman is in the Batman movies too.

So, I know they wanted authentic purposes. But I find the kids in the first movie to now just be creepy, based on their age. The first movie, when compared to the others kind of moves at a lot slower pace. Afterall, its the origin movie. With everything getting explained, it might bore future watchings. The second movie I usually just call a continuation of the first. Still a bunch of little kids. Still a bunch of explaining.

The third movie I think is the first to take on its own complete story and tell it well. It is interesting, and all of the components are interesting too, not confusing. Confusing is an easy adjective to give to movies dealing with any form of time travel too, so that is a great thing to pull off.

Obviously I remember the least from the second movie so it must not have had much of lasting impression on me, right?