Tag: Thriller

Trying to watch all of the Ryan Gosling movies has taken me down some strange twist and turns. Thankfully, most of them are older movies outside of my range, so I don’t have to review them. But if you saw my review of All Good Things, then you know there is some fucked up shit out there.

Using fucked up is an over exaggeration for that movie. Because then I watched Only God Forgives, written and directed by the same guy who directed Drive. Which was an artsy movie, interesting, violence heavy, but overall pretty fantastic. Even compared to Drive, Only God Forgives is truly the most fucked up of his entire career.

Fucked is use in a different way from the way I use it for Lars and the Real Girl.

“Well howdy there pilgrim…”Julian (Gosling) is your average American. He doesn’t say much. He lives in Thailand. He runs a boxing arena that is a front for a big drug smuggling operation. Yep. Average American indeed. His brother Billy (Tom Burke) is a big dick though. Rapes an underage prostitute. Gets arrested.

Lieutenant Chang (Vithaya Pansringarm), aka the Angel of Vengeance, arrives on the scene and lets the father beat Billy to death for the deed. Shit, son. Not only that, he then cuts off the arms of the father, for letting his daughter in prostitution in the first place! At least he is just?

Julian was going to fuck the dad up, but hey, he lost his arms already, and Billy had it coming. It didn’t stop Crystal (Kristin Scott Thomas) from traveling to Thailand to identify the body. You know, Julian’s mom. They have a strange relationship, he is surprised to see her. She wants blood. He doesn’t care. She wants to take out the Angel of Vengeance. He doesn’t care.

Then a lot more fucked up shit happens then the movie ends.

Have sword, will slash.Looking up random stuff about the film, I found out that the director wanted to make a more modern and set in Asia cowboy movie. Or something. Which I can kind of see. I guess Gosling is the cowboy in a dangerous land(Thailand, not the wild west). Kind of a lone ranger. Doesn’t speak much. Fights a lot. Maybe crooked.

Whatever. The cowboy elements are there.

But the film could also be something about mysticism in Asia. Or something about anger and violence he felt when his second daughter was being born.

Really, it could be anything. This is all stuff the director said, so it seems to be all over the place.

Gosling’s character only speaks 22 lines of film. No one really talks a lot. But we do get some karaoke scenes, so we get singing as well! It is another visual heavy picture, with strange dark colors, set in the seedy parts of town. The whole thing seems to be set during the night as well. Daytime is for rookies. Thailand scares me cause of shit like this, and The Hangover Part II.

It is really hard to talk about this movie, so I kind of just want to shut up now. I don’t even know what to think anymore. Somebody hold me.

2 out of 4.

Two James McAvoy movies in two days.

That is what I did with Trance and Welcome To The Punch, both which released on DVD/BR the same day. Pretty much a McAvoy festapalooza.

Alright, I have nothing to say as an introduction. I am just stalling. Let’s just say I got to go into this movie blind, knowing it had a silly title and James McAvoy.

And a really fucking weird blue hue throughout the film. Is that a halo?

Max Lewinsky (McAvoy) is a detective in London, and he is a bit of a hot shot. He is chasing after famed criminal, Jacob Sternwood (Mark Strong), but things start to go awry. Jacob gets away, but not without first putting a bullet through Max’s leg. Shit.

Three years later, Max is now retired, and all sorts of pissed off. It is like his leg has never felt the same again. The good news is, Jacob’s son is now in the hospital! Okay, that is terrible news. But that news means that Jacob is most likely going to return from his Iceland hideout, in order to see his son. That is when Max can take him out. That is where he can get his revenge. So he gets all un-retired, a new partner in Sarah Hawks (Andrea Riseborough), and this time he will take him in for good.

Unless, things aren’t as clear as they appear to be. Maybe Jacob is secretly a good guy? Maybe. Just maybe.

Oh god, it is so fucking blue. I bet he has a blue house too, with a blue little window. Maybe even a blue corvette…

Welcome To The Punch reminds me of Deadfall. Only in that it went from a great opening to “who gives a fuck” real real quick into it. The twist and secrets were seen miles ahead, without even trying to be remotely clever. Maybe the problem is that they told us that not everything was on the uppity up in the description. Why couldn’t it have been described as just a revenge cop story, because that on its own is relatively unique. A man driven to obsession over getting that one last criminal. Those movies tend to be fantastic.

Throw in corrupt cop angles? Well, I have seen that shit in every movie. It is boring now. Except when I rewatch The Shield. The Shield makes it sexy.

What, I spoiled the corrupt cop nature of it? That is a lie, you already guessed that was the secret. You were right.

The acting wasn’t bad or anything, McAvoy played the obsession angle really well I thought, and it wasn’t really something I’ve seen him do before.

The problem is the movie quickly becomes dull and never really picks itself up from that, so we are just left waiting for it to end. Oh yeah, the ending. That was bad too.

1 out of 4.

Coriolanus gets the disctinction for being another movie that took me a long ass time to watch. It came out roughly the summer of 2012, and I got it then too. Just. Never. Watched it. Shit, my parents watched it right away, and somehow I just forgot about it. Well, the opportunity came up for me to watch it on Blu-Ray instead, so I rented it, despite owning it. Why? Because then I had a time limit to watch it! If I didn’t watch it before today, I would have wasted money.

I can’t be wasting money. Unless you call renting a movie you own anyways wasting money. Remember when I said I forgot about it? I mean literally forgot that it existed. Whoops. Fuck.

Never forget about Voldemort and The Phantom. They don’t take kindly to that.

Initially, the plot description confused me. “A banished hero of Rome allies with a sworn enemy to take his revenge on the city.” Alright, a period piece in Ancient Rome, sweet! But when I saw the pictures, I saw modern looking stuff. I forgot that Rome was still a city in Italy, so I guess that is what is going on with it?

Nope, Coriolanus is a Shakespeare play. Should have guessed it. Directed by Ralph Fiennes (his first ever director role), this is one of those modern Shakespeare plays, which I guess will get me prepped for when I finally see the new Much Ado About Nothing.

Caius Martius (Fiennes) is a great Roman warlord, who kind of hates the Romans themselves. He finds the plebians to be silly. But he kicks so much ass, and wins so many fights he eventually wins them over. Heck, he also almost takes out the nearby Volscian army, lead by Tullus Aufidius (Gerard Butler). They both survive, but it is clear Rome won the bout overall.

Eventually he wins the public over and decides to run for Consul, the leader of Rome. The senate fears his power though, so they begin a smear campaign against him, attempting to turn the public against him as well. Caius has quite a temper, so he eventually gets pissed off, curses everyone and quickly gets branded a traitor and exiled out of Rome. Surely they won’t regret sending out one of their greatest generals, super pissed off, out of city gates? I hope he doesn’t get the urge to come back…with force.

Jessica Chastain plays his wife, and Vanessa Redgrave his mother.

Oh shit, he is really really mad. Rome is totally going down.

Shakespeare. Are you familiar with his words? Well, for the untrained, it is easy to get lost in the words and get confused, which is why I watched the movie with subtitles.

Coriolanus presumably follows the script to a letter, which means the movie feels overly dramatic. There is a lot of monologue-ing and yelling by the various characters. Lots of yelling, because that means passion, and everyone is passionate in a Shakespeare play.

Which felt really annoying. Overall, Coriolanus is good in that it is trying something new. There are other modern Shakespeare things, but they usually never work for me. This one was different enough that it seemed to be okay they were speaking in such strange ways but with guns.

But the story itself is a let down. I guess I could blame that one on Shakespeare. It wasn’t one that kept me interested. Way more talking and not enough doing. Interesting movie to see once, but ehh…

Also, the Blu-Ray isn’t Blu-Ray quality, those bastards.

2 out of 4.

The Tall Man movie looks like your standard horror creepy film. We got a clear bad guy, the movie is named after him, and he is intimidating looking.

Right? After all, here is the IMDB description.

When her child goes missing, a mother looks to unravel the legend of the Tall Man, an entity who allegedly abducts children.

Alright, yeah, some Tall Man thing steals kids. Creepy.

But it turns out this movie is misleading as fuck. So my plot summary is going to have “spoilers” in it. Know that in advance.

Hey, don’t go running away. Spoilers aren’t the end of the world.

Basically we have a small town that used to be big, but the mine closed, and everything died. People be poor, yo. Also, kids go missing a lot, and never found. Rumors of some Tall Man that takes them away in the night.

Julia (Jessica Biel) is a nurse who lost her husband, the towns doctor, a few years prior. So she lives in a big house with her nurse and her little boy. WHOM GETS TAKEN BY A TALL MAN AND TIES UP THE NURSE.

Thankfully Julia chases him down, she ain’t no weak woman yo, crashes the truck, and tries to save her boy, but still fails.

Here is where the spoilers really begin.

The Tall Man is a woman in disguise, who is stealing her son back, because she claims that son is hers, and he was stolen years earlier. What? Biel is the Tall Man? Only kind of. Maybe there is an organization of people who steal kids from poor homes. Because kids from poor homes grow up to be poor themselves most of the time, and live shitty lives. Just a positive feedback cycle of being poor and lame. So they take the kids and bring them to rich homes for people to raise them better and help the world.

Yes, that is what the movie is really about. Like a third of the way into it you find out that the kid isn’t actually hers. Also there is a girl named Jenny (Jodelle Ferland) in it too. She is kind of important.

Well, at least someone is finally thinking of the children.

Long story short, The Tall Man is a social commentary with a bit of Mystery/Thriller, yet advertised as a horror. None of those genres which are normally known for their big stances on certain social issues.

Poor people stay poor, and rich people can succeed. I guess that is true. It is like a question on a dating site that I used. “Should people with low IQs be allowed to breed?” A lot of people feel pompous and say no, and fuck that. I think they should be able to do whatever the hell they want, especially if it is one of the most basic urges out there.

This movie doesn’t say that poor people shouldn’t be able to keep kids if they can’t get out of their poor situation. No, it lives it up in the air for the viewer to discuss afterwards, or something. But since that is what the movie is about? Even with the final words questioning if it is all worth it, I really think it is implying they are doing the right thing.

That is all sorts of fucked up.

For other aspects, the movie uses surprisingly good cameras to film it all, so it looks pretty good on Blu-Ray. In other news, I really hate the movie calls what happens in it a twist. It is only a twist because of how it was advertised, aka incorrectly. That is just misleading, and that pisses me off. It is like they are ashamed of their own movie.

1 out of 4.

Let’s talk about psychological thrillers based on real life stuff. I only am bringing this up, because guess what, Compliance might mess with your head, and it is totally based on a real story.

Kind of like The Experiment. Except in The Experiment, it was a real psychological test and they fictionalized aspects of it in the movie, and it was still good. In Compliance, it is based off of THIS real life event, and it keeps true to what actually happened. Roughly. I think. Shit, I just read about it again and got all disgusted at it.

Not as disgusted as her face, which looks like someone farted. At a restaurant that is totally not McDonalds but something generically different, it is a busy Friday night. Why are Friday nights busy? Fuck you, that is a dumb question, learn the real world.

Well, they get a phone call from an Officer Daniels (Pat Healy). He says they have a situation at the store, a young blonde girl at the register apparently stole some money from a customer, right out of their purse, so the customer went to the police station to complain. He has the regional manager on the other line, and he needs the manager (Ann Dowd) to take Becky (Dreama Walker) back in the storage room and question her.

Officer Daniels is on the phone the whole time, including when the strip search happens. But it turns out, Officer Daniels isn’t a cop at all, and just some dude prank calling some fast food places to make them do fucked up shit to employees.

What a twisted dude! Bill Camp is also in here as the fiance to the store manager, who might have to take over for her cause it is such a busy Friday night.

This is not sexy. Sure, she is just wearing an apron, but the torture-esque part kind of ruins it. I think reading the story via text gave me a worse emotional reaction than the actual film showing the events. Somehow, I wasn’t able to really get affected by the story when it occurred in front of my eyes.

I am not saying the acting was bad (and it wasn’t great either) because that isn’t necessary. They are just trying to be real people. Because it was close to the actual events, as the film unfolded I found it harder to stay interested.

Basically, whenever they amped up what they had to do to Becky in the room, there was always uncertainty involved, and the phone people didn’t want to do it (yet always did) and it got annoying. They always repeated the instructions starting with “He said I have to…”, which just got ridiculously annoying. I mean, if half the dialogue is hearing the same stuff twice, that gets annoying.

I am pretty sure in real life, especially when the fiance got there, if he was watching her and making her do things for over two hours, eventually he wouldn’t phrase it like that anymore. But we never get to see the really shocking stuff that happens. Only two of them were implied. They spent so much time on the initial get naked and find someone else to watch, it was stalling for no reason.

Overall, it is an okay movie, but didn’t fuck with me psychologically enough for me to love it.

2 out of 4.

I decided to watch Stolen because sometimes I hate my life.

Also, an editor friend told me he heard that it was advertised as “Taken, but with Nicolas Cage!” That seems like a stretch. So then I had to watch it just to be sure. Because surely it wouldn’t be the same plot as Taken, with a title that basically means the same thing. They wouldn’t do that.

Taken, but with a stuffed animal instead of a daughter. Will Montgomery (Cage) is a big time criminal, and he is going to rob a bank at night. Oh yeah. So hot. Too bad the FBI (Danny Huston) are on his trail, and staked out outside of a jewelry store to catch them. Also because they think he is going to rob a jewelry store, not the bank. Clever Montgomery.

So he is off stealing cash with his team Vincent and Hoyt (Josh Lucas, M.C. Gainey) and even a girl, Riley (Malin Akerman).

Well, things go badly. Montgomery gets caught, but he burns the money so they have nothing to pen on him. Eight years later, he is out of prison on parole!

Turns out some of his former team mates are a little upset. So is his daughter, Alison (Sami Gayle). She thinks her dad is an asshole who left her for prison. Whatever that means.

Long story short, one of his former buddies is pissed off that he never got paid that day. So he kidnaps the daughter, has a big plot to get the money back, or you know, he will kill the kid.

Hooray blackmail! Of course that means Montgomery will have to find the money, within half a day, while also avoiding the cops and other people who want him dead.

They are going to have to do a cavity search for that bear. [Holy shit, I didn’t finish this review. I really think I typed it up, but apparently it got lost. Whoops. Here is a quick analysis because I don’t give a fuck anymore.]

Either way, this movie was not entertaining. Yes, another action movie that has fighting, chasing, explosions, and guns. But fails to entertain.

The story is bad, the acting is whatever, and the plot twists are also bad.

My goodness, that man was hideous.

This is nothing like Taken, that is a fact. But maybe if they make a ridiculous sequel to Stolen it will accidentally be good?

1 out of 4.

I might have picked Deadfall solely from the Blu-Ray cover. Not saying that I am judging the whole thing on the cover, just saying that it helped me choose the movie. When there are so many random ass movies to choose from, you can’t just put them in a hat and pick randomly. Stores get mad at you when you do that.

From the cover, it was clear that it was some sort of thriller. A thriller that took place in the snow! Yeah snow! Maybe a quirky Midwest thriller, like Fargo, or Thin Ice, a more recent film that no one watched! Yeah! Well, with a name like DEADFall, it is probably not quirky. Perhaps there will be accents though?

“It’s a nice shooter, don’t cha know?” Liza (Olivia Wilde) and Addison (Eric Bana) are brother and sister and looking pretty luxurious. They are in a limo after all. Which of course crashes on those icy Michigan roads, killing their driver. A state trooper comes to investigate, and Addison shoots him in the head. Whoa!

Turns out these two are on the run from the law. They took part in a casino heist that has gone wrong, and are trying to reach Canada as soon as they can. Kind of difficult now though. After wandering the woods, they reach a fork in the road and agree to split up to reach Canada faster. No, doesn’t make too much sense.

But lets talk about other plot lines. Jay (Charlie Hunnam) just got out of prison, a former boxer, who is mad at his coach for “betraying him”. So he accidentally hurts him bad, so he too goes on the run, thinking he killed him. He just wants to get home for Thanksgiving, really close to the Canadian border, with his parents (Kris Kristofferson, Sissy Spacek).

Finally, we have Hannah (Kate Mara), a young police officer, who also happens to be the daughter of the chief (Treat Williams), who gives her crap and is way too protective. Typical story. So when there is news of a cop killer in the woods, he totally won’t let her help. But will she listen? WILL SHE?

No. Those are not “Fuck me” eyes, because she is looking at her brother. Don’t be gross. Deadfall would have been a better movie without Olivia Wilde. That sounds harsh.

It would have been a better movie without her character. The most interesting plot line in this movie was of course Eric Bana in the woods alone, doing whatever he can to survive the harsh cold, and yeah, it might involve killing some people, and taking a cabin or two hostage. That was great. Having Jay find Liza and them hanging out in a bar all night because the roads are closed?

Whatever. Don’t care.

Which is probably why I found the ending of the film so disappointing. Characters do change in this movie, but too fast, and it doesn’t make sense their actions by the end. I am kind of just left pissed off. Like the ending to Law Abiding Citizen. Except that movie was wickedly awesome up to the ending, while this one kind of pitter pattered around due to the several plot lines, most of which were meh.

The beginning scene in the movie is great though. It pumped me up, just unfortunately went down hill after that.

Also, there totally were accents. But from Bana/Wilde, who were from Georgia. So that was unexpected I guess.

1 out of 4.

Honestly, I don’t know the real name of this movie. Sure, All Superheroes Must Die is the title on the cover. But IMDB really, really, really wants it to be called Vs. Who knows why. Maybe IMDB doesn’t want to let the title go. Maybe it has special value in that title, and just can’t see it drift off into the night.

Whatever the reason, I am going with the better and sexier looking title. I also am only watching this because of seeing The FP. Same guy wrote and directed both, so I am hoping it is a big subtle parody on the whole genre. You know, because director/writers never change genres in film. Right?

Oh, here are all the superheroes, that must die.

Our story begins with four heroes, waking up in a strange place, feeling woozy. They are weak! Stripped of their powers!

We have The Wall (Lee Valmassy), Shadow (Sophie Merkley), Cutthroat (Lucas Till), and Charge (Jason Trost), who still found a way to sport an eye patch in this movie.

They have lost their powers! They are all in some strange abandoned town, with a creepy vibe. Finally, the television pops on and of course it is their Arch Nemesis Rickshaw (James Remar) who wants to play a game with them. Yes, very Saw-esque. Even better if you recognize James Remar as the dad on Dexter.

Either way, he has joined these superheroes together, who have a history, to play a series of games. There are over a hundred townsfolk tied up around the town, with explosives. So if they refuse to play, he will explode and kill everyone. Their only chance is to try and work together, to attempt to pass his tests and save the lives of the innocent.

Unfortunately, sometimes the only way to win, is to die.

Insert nefarious cackle here.

The FP was a strange movie, but I allowed it, given the context, and clearly they were doing a parody. All Superheroes Must Die, however, was not a parody, and it seems they were going for a legitimate, serious movie.

The concept is a good one. No boring back story to lead up to the moment, just drops you right in the games. In fact, it is less than 80 minutes long, so they can literally just tell this one story, make it awesome, and not worry about the consequences.

Unfortunately, despite the short time? We still get a lot of back story in the form of flashbacks. Ugh. Far too much of this movie is bullshit back story, that the rest feels like a waste. Speaking of waste, the villain makes the games seem like such a big deal, with all these mini challenges. Well, it is just three rounds. And they are boring. Bah.

Yeah. A good concept, but unfortunately the entire movie is boring. It could have had a lot more action, much better acting, and just some level of entertaining. Thankfully it didn’t waste too much of my day to get through it.

1 out of 4.

For those who have the time, please watch the Trailer for Phantom. Did you? No? Too lazy? Fair enough.

Well, it is short, less than 90 seconds, and extremely crappy. Like, seriously, the quality is very low, it looks like a made for TV movie. Or a strange episode of Last Resort. I had to sit through this trailer multiple times in theaters, just for it to not even touch the state of Iowa (I think). Normally when I review a DVD movie, I try to have it within a week of coming out, but this one took several. I didn’t take me awhile to watch it, saw it the next day it came out. Just apathy after the fact. Super deep apathy.

About as apathetic as an old Russian on a submarine in the winter, I’d imagine.

Demi (Ed Harris) is an old Russian naval commander. He has done it all, and only a little bit with submarines. After all, this is only the Cold War now, and submarines aren’t that old yet. Well, he has had some problems in the past, and just got back from a voyage. He can only have one mission left before he retires, and it involves using an older submarine as well. Literally the day after he got back. Shit. Same crew. Sucks to suck. Also, some KGB agents are going to join them as well. Bruni (David Duchovny) have a secret mission on the sub, and can’t tell anyone about it. Yet.

Well, eventually it is made clear. The Russians have developed a new technology, that when turned on, will reflect a different signature when other objects use sonar against them. So when a USA submarine comes near, the sub thinks they are some commercial ship. Whoa. Phantom technology, lets them have stealth submarines. That is useful, but why is that important?

Oh, because they want to pretend to be a Chinese sub, send Nukes against America, and start a new war while being in the clear.

Aww yeah. Wait what?

William Fichtner plays the second in command. Will the crew do the unthinkable, or turn against their own government for a task they feel is wrong?

Who is that on the line David? Your agent? Your life has sucked since The X-Files? Huh, go figure.

I don’t want to spend a lot of words on this movie. It hurts my psyche. It was boring and dull. Submarine movies tend to be at a disadvantage, because the viewer tends to be stuck in a small vessel with them. So there is no change in scenery. Small amount of actors, limited drama, limited threat.

It was strange to find out they were Russians. I normally don’t care about accents, but because the whole thing is in English (thankfully not a Russian movie), I am surprised there are literally no accents. Everyone talks as they normally do. I couldn’t even fathom they were all Russian because of that. At least trying for an accent is better than nothing, I’d say.

Simple film, maybe worse than a made for TV movie.

1 out of 4.

My quest to watch all the Ryan Gosling movies has lead me down interesting paths. It turns out he has been in multiple thriller / almost horror films, but none of them are any sort of standard slasher film. Stay ended up just being strange the entire time, with Gosling as a minor character. But with All Good Things, it is a mystery/thriller, with Gosling at the helm! And he maybe kills someone!

But no. It is still weird and different.

This is the best part of the movie. Gosling as an old man in lady clothes.

All Good Things is based on a true story, kind of. It is based on a guy named Robert Dunst. In fact, it is based on the most famous unsolved murder case in NYC history. But is it interesting?

David Marks (Gosling, aka Robert Dunst, but the name was changed?) is a real estate guy. Making dat money. He didn’t want to though. So he found Katie (Kirsten Dunst) and married all up in her. His dad (Frank Langella) didn’t approve of it.

Well, they move away to Vermont, open up a nice health food store, but still take in money from the family business to subsidize it all. Either way, times are tough, eventually he has to go back to NYC to join the job, make real money. He has to do some shady shit though, causing his mood to change, and become a lot more angry and bitter of a man.

But Katie stands by her man. And eventually dies. But was it David? WAS IT?

Hey, Kristen Wiig is running around. ALSO. There is a clean shaven Nick Offerman, but I can’t find good proof of it on the internet. But it is mindblowing. My second favorite part after the first picture.

Just, imagine him with even less stubble and even more humility.

Whew. What a story. Wait, no. I mean, what a bore-y. I am bored. It is all sorts of boring.

Another moment where acting is pretty darn fine and consistent, but no one cares. Shit, it was hard enough to keep up with the story, having different court room procedures interrupt the story, making it all feel out of order. But the only reason why I know how it ends is thanks to the words they threw at the ending, to tell me where the characters are today.

Whether they are still dead and not sure who killed it, or hiding in drag, or what.

I guess part of the problem with doing a movie about an unsolved case, is not actually knowing what happened. Like the rest of the world. So it is a bunch of bullshit anyways.

Apparently Robert Durst liked the movie? That’s fine. Don’t care. Sucks to be him if he didn’t do it and everyone assumes he did though. Just. Just no.

1 out of 4.