Tag: Sci-Fi

A lot of work went into the PR for After Earth. The first trailer was pretty epic on its own right, but quickly got old the third time seeing it in theaters. But one thing you will notice is that outside of the trailers, the director information has been kept a bit secret. M. Night Shyamalan, famous director that people love to hate, has his name in small font on the posters. It is like they don’t even trust the director.

I think the film might be enjoyable as long as the main star doesn’t die in the first 20 minutes leaving only his son to do all the heavy lifting.

I was going to make an inference from this picture, but mmm, volcano. After Earth takes place in…the future! Surprising, I know. Mankind messed up Earth, forcing us to leave and Earth evolved without us. Unfortunately, the new place we moved to had deadly creatures as well. Creatures that were blind, but could smell fear and would go on a killing rampage against humans. Great new planet! Well, Cypher Raige (Will Smith) was the first soldier able to conquer his fear, making himself invisible to the creatures and helping us take back the planet!

Now he is a decorated soldier and lead commander of the armed forces. His son, Kitai (Jaden Smith), can’t even crack the ranger squad. In an attempt to bring them closer together, Cypher brings his son a simple transport mission which unfortunately runs into a freak teleporting asteroid storm, of some sort? The ship crashes down on a strange planet, killing everyone but our father son pair. Cypher has broken both of his legs, and the homing beacon is in the tail half of the plane, 100km across the planet.

Of course, it is Earth they have crash landed on. The wildlife there have evolved to take out human life! Even worse, the ship was transporting one of those blind “smell fear” creatures, who most certainly got loose on the planet and is looking for blood. Yay!

Oh hey, there he is, near the finale of the film. How convenient! Well, the good news is that Will Smith survived the crash. The bad news is, he didn’t really do anything in the film! His character gets to be a stoic commander, devoid of all emotion, which means he doesn’t have to do much in the way of acting. Just a lot of grimaces, and slowly talking to his son over an intercom.

Yes, After Earth is basically Will Smith trying to turn his son Jaden Smith into an action star. Which is fine, but people don’t like being duped into expecting an action movie with Will Smith as an action hero, and instead getting an “action movie” with Will Smith on the side. Speaking of action, I would define this movie’s genre of “Sci-Fi Drama Adventure”, as there wasn’t really much action. A lot of running away from Jaden’s character. So yeah, in addition to the ruse, we have a bit of a boring movie.

This isn’t even taking into account the recent theories that this movie is also a vehicle for Scientology. But I won’t get into that. I don’t care if movies are secretly religious, in fact, I liked Battlefield Earth. I thought it was hilarious.

After Earth turns out to be very predictable, giving nothing new to the genre. For those worried about the director, he really isn’t the problem with this movie, and there are secret twists to worry about. The problem is just the entire concept.

1 out of 4.

For whatever reason, just like my previous review of Star Trek, I am finding the right words to describe Star Trek Into Darkness.

I feel like a fake, a liar. I am a nerd who knows not a lot about the Star Trek series and never really cared to find out. So as to whether or not this movie fits the Star Trek world, I can’t comment on. But I tell you what I can do. Ignore the source material and just tell you if the movie is awesome or not. Basically what I do for every movie anyways!

I honestly don’t know if this is from the first or second Star Trek. The movie takes place right where we left off. Kirk (Chris Pine) is still captain of the Starship Enterprise, with the exact same crew. Spock (Zachary Quinto) is the first officer, Sulu (John Cho) the pilot, Bones (Karl Urban) the doctor, Scotty (Simon Pegg) the engineer, and Uhura (Zoe Saldana) and Chekov (Anton Yelchin) as whatever they do on the ship.

Well, things quickly hit the fan when a bombing occurs in one of Star Fleet’s libraries, plotted by John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch), a former Star Fleet officer. That’s right, someone turning against his own former employers! Must have received a very poor severance package. After a few other attacks, he escapes to Kronos, home planet of the Klingons, the warrior race who wouldn’t mind having a reason to conquer Earth.

Well, crap, I guess they are screwed. Unless…

Clearly the best plan of action is to use long range Plasma Missiles to take him out (no trial needed), while hopefully not starting an intergalactic war. I trust Admiral Marcus (Peter Weller) personally, so I am sure the strategy will work.  Bruce Greenwood also returns as Admiral Pike, and Alice Eve is brought in as mysterious science/weapons expert Carol.

Nope. No Shame at all here at Gorgon Reviews.I saw the sequel in 3D and I am almost certain it didn’t warrant the higher price. The film was made for IMAX and later changed to include 3D, so it was a sort of afterthought. In terms of “rounding” out the picture, it didn’t really work for me, and felt wasted. But hey, some sticks fly at your face in the beginning, and I might have actually tried to dodge them.

I loved Star Trek Into Darkness. It was exciting, it was action packed, and it refilled my lens flare quota for the rest of the year. It is of course beyond perfect. I left out a lot of plot details, but I disliked that problems introduced early in the film were fixed only a few minutes later. It made me wonder why even write those problems in the first place and made me feel like they were rehashing the first movie.

I also hate that they introduced regenerative blood into the series. Regeneration itself is a very tricky subject, as it becomes a deus ex machina. Unfortunately it also appeared in Iron Man 3 and was one of the worst plot fixers in both movies.

I’d stil suggest watching the movie and avoid IMDB/Wikipedia, there are spoilers everywhere.

Despite not being a Trekkie, I am deep enough in this Pop Culture game to understand a lot of the throwbacks and homages to the original series/films. In fact, I liked this film enough that I almost want to try and watch the older Star Trek films, out of curiosity. Almost.

3 out of 4.

Not going to lie. I was not at all interested in seeing Oblivion this week. Unfortunately I have taken to following other reviewers, although I hate knowing what other people think of a movie before I see it. But they all hated it. I disliked the preview. Everything looked pretty darn obvious to me from them. I also disliked just how many previews I had to see of it, without ever changing. I also disliked that the main characters name was Jack, but I will get into that later. But finally the title. When I first heard about it, I assumed it was some movie about the video game. Nope. Future and aliens.

That’s a lot of bad things to go against movie. You unfortunately have a biased, uphill battle to climb!

Thankfully they put quite a bit of money into the graphics department. Oooh, my eyes are happy.

It is about 60 years in the future. An alien race called scavengers came down and fucked up all of our shit. Turns out humans are stubborn and won’t just let our stuff get messed up, even if they took out our moon (causing earthquakes and tidal waves), so we nuked the fuck out of them. Hooray! We won! Small packs of scavengers roam the landscape, but they totally lost overall. Too bad the Earth is basically a barren wasteland at this point. Areas of high radiation, lot of dead. So the humans evacuated, and GTFO first to a big space station in the sky, then on ships en route to Titan, a moon of Saturn.

Only two people are left on the world, Jack (Tom Cruise) and Victoria (Andrea Riseborough). Jack is a tech guy, repairing drones that cover their perimeter and protect them from scavengers. Once the plants suck up the last of the sea water (which can be used for energy later?), they can return to the space station, and head off to Titan in two weeks! Woo!

Too bad those fucking scavengers keep messing up their shit and make their last two weeks hell. Not to mention an old space ship crash lands on Earth, with the drones attacking the human survivors, including a woman (Olga Kurylenko) who has been haunting his dreams! What in the hell is going on!?

Also featuring Morgan Freeman and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau as mysterious humans, and Melissa Leo as their space communications rep.

The internet is making wild claims that Morgan is barely in this movie, only 15 minutes max. Psha, I clocked him in at about 19.

Well, fuck me. I found Oblivion entertaining.

Yep, despite the negativity and the huge climb, I walked out happy, nay, excited. I had to quickly talk about it with others who saw it, about the ending, the twists and turns.

You see, it is pretty dang obvious from the trailer that certain things will happen. They are obvious twists in the movie that won’t come to be a surprise at all. That is what I thought the film would give me, and I was ready to be bored. But you know what Oblivion did? Sure, it might have had those “twists”. But the twists came in unexpected ways and then layered on more turns that I was not expecting after that.

Too many twists can ruin a movie, because then you just get tired of it all, and refuse to pay attention until the end. Like Trespass. The barren Earth they created is also hauntingly gorgeous, just like the CGI as well. I generally don’t like Tom Cruise as much when he is in his serious action roles, like this, but I didn’t mind this one.

The acting was okay, the plot overall could have been better, and I might have disliked the last scene in the end, but overall, pretty interesting.

If I actually went in with an open mind, it might have been a 2, but this is what exceeding expectations does to ratings!

3 out of 4.

The Host is the first book turned movie story from Stephenie Meyer that does not feature vampires in it! Hooray! But how different will that story actually be?

I mean, this one is about aliens. And romance. I guess that fits the supernatural teen romance genre still, which is good for her audience. But this book was made in 2008 with no other novels behind it. It can’t turn into the next big romance teen drama for people to hate on (which is why I am not doing this for a milestone review). Hell, who knows if it even has romance in it?

Shit. But more importantly, why is the year added to the hashtag?

In this world/future, there was a secret war. An alien race had invaded, a race of parasites, that enter into the human body and then live out their lives. They act just like humans, just have that weird ass eye thing happening. Either way, they are non violent aliens, they have many planets. They just want to take over their hosts lives, improve on them, then move on to a new planet, that is all. How neat.

Sure, the Host’s spirit kind of dies. But whatever. Fuck those guys.

Well, there is only a few humans left in hidden communities and they want to fight back. Like Melanie (Saoirse Ronan) who is looking after her brother, Jamie (Chandler Canterbury) and falling in love with a new guy, Jared (Max Irons). But on their way to the new hide out (let by her Uncle Jeb (William Hurt)), she totally gets captured and made a host. Sucks to suck.

Well, her spirit doesn’t get back! She fights back, convinces the alien to not give up the location of the survivors to The Seeker (Diane Kruger), and go on the run! Yeah!

Well, when she gets to the compound, no one trusts her, obviously, but hey, eventually she finds love. Love that is different than Jared, a different guy, who loves the alien version of Melanie. Well thats nice.

Boyd Holbrook is Kyle, the new lover, and Jake Abel is Ian, and he hates all of this shit.

Just wait for it. If this turns into a big deal, girls will start getting contacts like this.

The best place to start is with the most famous actor here. William Hurt? Strange. Well, Jeb was cool. Southern big guy with a beard and gun. Can’t go wrong. Also a bit crazy.

Saoirse Ronan is kind of famous. I have only seen her before in Hanna, and well, Hanna actually sucked. Don’t believe the hype. Well, her acting was only “decent” in this film I guess. But when half of the movie is your facial expressions as you talk to the voice in your brain, you need to be more than decent.

Fuck all that noise though. There is VERY little that happens in this movie. There is about 2 action scenes, because the alien race is non violent. The Seeker just happens to be a bit crazy. It is almost entirely the love triangle created by two personalities in one body.

The alien wanted to make a big sacrifice at the end, but her plan didn’t make any sense. A surprise to no one, things work out well for everyone, and there is hope for the future.

Just like there is hope for a sequel. Which is being planned despite no book. You know what that means?

Well, I don’t. Can’t really have more love triangles. Wait, a sequel might be the human kind taking back their planet. Maybe…war? Maybe action? Maybe excitement. I don’t care, lets get the sequel rolling.

1 out of 4.

Dark Skies might have one of the worst trailers I have ever seen, this year and every year. Besides giving away far too much, it looks like a parody of itself. We have a kid who talks funny doing a growl about a sandman, some events that are set up to show potential child abuse, and the “oh face”. Oh my goodness that oh face. Not to mention the look of shock that follows the “oh face.” It has to be a joke, right?

I mean…right?

He has to be faking this whole thing. Come on guys. Right? Come on! Lacy (Keri Russell) and Daniel (Josh Hamilton) are a married couple on the top of the world! Or the opposite of that. Daniel lost his job (that darn economy and all!), and Lacy isn’t doing that great as a real estate agent. The bills are piling up, and now someone keeps breaking into their house and messing up their kitchen. For example, they are stacking all their boxes in elaborate shapes and taking all the pictures from their frames. Alright, I guess that is kind of weird.

If you saw the trailer, how many children do you think they have? I know I just thought it was one, but there is an older son as well! Jesse (Dakota Goyo) is the kid you just found out about, and Sam (Kadan Rockett) is the little brother growling in the trailer. They, too, are experiencing weird things. Strange dreams/drawlings, having street lights go out on them, or even seizures. This all can’t just be a coincidence!

No coincidience, just aliens fucking with them. That definitely explains it better. Heck, they even found a paranormal expert (J.K. Simmons) who knows all about these aliens, who confirms their suspicions. They found him on the internet too, so he must be legitimate.  But can the family still escape this long abduction/testing plan, or is it too late for any of them?

“Watch out bitch! It’s right behind you! Turn around!” – Me in the theaterWell, the initial thought I had after the fact is that the trailer is a bad representation of the movie. Every single ridiculous scene is way better in the actual movie, meaning the trailer just spliced them badly. For shame trailer, for shame.

Dark Skies takes its time to set up the events, perhaps a bit too slow. The beginning of the movie dragged on at a crawl, and I wanted to leave because of that. The youngest kid actor was bad as well, but I guess because he is a kid that is okay?

Despite this, the film did eventually get better. The aliens showed up on actual camera a lot earlier in the film than I would have guessed. The ending is what really sold the film. Instead of the horror feel, it turned into a last stand type situation as the family prepped for the aliens to come and get their abducting on. The last 10 minutes involved scenes that can only be described as some sort of acid trip, and hey, they were a bit scary as well!

Overall the “horror” of the movie was really light, mostly some jump scares and kids doing weird things. Nothing to write home about. The actual last 30 seconds of the film are a bit disappointing, but I do think overall Dark Skies has something to offer to the film watcher, especially if you look at is as a thriller. You just have to wade through a lot of crap to get there.

2 out of 4.

End of the world movies are pretty popular now a days. I say that as if they ever weren’t popular. But yeah, probably because of some 2012 topical shit, people like to think about their last moments on earth if they knew it was coming. Perfect Sense recently had a disease that made people lose their senses, and Melancholia actually had a planet coming to hit Earth. Sucks.

Seeking A Friend For The End Of The World is about the end of the world, thanks to another celestial object hitting it, and needing a friend during it.

Well, if dog is a man’s best friend, the chick must be looking for her friend. Logic!

But yeah! 70 mile asteroid coming to hit Earth in 14 days, their last chance of stopping it has failed. Because knocking it off course was apparently too hard to do. Either way, end of the world, eventually the electricity will be shut off, and rules are out the window!

Dodge (Steve Carell) is a middle aged office worker, with nothing really going on his life. In fact, when he heard the news with his wife, she just left the car and was never seen again. Hmm. This leaves Dodge in a stupor, as he listlessly continues with his life as if nothing has changed. Nothing but a meteor, and a crying girl on the fire escape. Penny (Kiera Knightley) is upset because she won’t see her family ever again. British and all!

Well eventually they come to an agreement. If she helps him get to his old high school sweetheart, he will get her to a person who owns a plane. Yay! Too bad she has to awkwardly leave her boyfriend behind (Adam Brody). Speaking of awkward, this whole thing is awkward. Awkwardly spending their last two weeks before the crash, and also featuring Martin Sheen and Derek Luke, how would you spend your last days?

I’d spend them naked.

Or high and working at a restaurant.

I thought originally this movie would be a more comedy based, since the other ones were pretty serious or romance based, and it turns out this is more of the same. It has some amusing moments associated with it, but not really enough to go straight up comedy. Basically the restaurant scene was really the only completely humorous scene, and a few more at the beginning. But it definitely took a more serious tone halfway through it.

I kind of found it hard to keep interest in it as well, and the romance between the main characters really didn’t feel natural. That could be intentional, since this is not a natural time in anyone’s life, and as the title states, they just want anyone to maybe spend the end with. Kind of like a new years eve kiss, but a much more extreme example.

I think overall it is okay, but didn’t end up being enough to make it more interesting than other recent end of the world flicks.

2 out of 4.

The first time I heard about this movie was in the summer. I knew it was based off of an ad found in a paper at someplace in time. What did it say?

Wanted: Somebody to go back in time with me. This is not a joke. P.O. Box 322, Oakview, CA 93022. You’ll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once before.

Nice! Turns out it was a joke made by the paper people to fill up some space, but it has built up enough interest that they made up a movie based on that exact plot line. Hooray for screen writers, I guess! Unless Safety Not Guaranteed is not a good movie, then boo screen writers, boo!

The best way to increase safety is to buy a reliable vehicle, with air bags and child locks.

Out in the heartland of Seattle, there exists a magazine. Which one? I don’t remember. But on the magazine, there are workers. Namely, Darius (Aubrey Plaza), a mid 20s girl who has no direction in her life, and just does whatever. But when a Jeff (Jake Johnson) gets the idea to find out the person who wrote the ad and do a story on them, he somehow gets it approved. He gets to bring along two interns, Darius and Arnau (Karan Soni), a biology student just wanting to diversify his resume.

But when they get to the area, they find him quite hard to find. Eventually though tactful spying, they find Kenneth (Mark Duplass), a grocery clerk with a big dream. But he doesn’t trust people. So Jeff fucks up at the start, and Kenneth won’t talk to him. It is up to Darius to pretend to be interested in going back in time (“pretend”) and get close enough to him for information.

But is the man a genius or just crazy? He claims government agents are after him, he wants to go back and prevent the death of a girlfriend, and he swears he has done it before. But no one knows if he is lying.

Plot twist: Romance chance.

With a budget of about 10 dollars, the first thing you might notice is that three of the four main characters are all from current TV shows, that’s nifty. None of which have ever been given a leading role in a movie before. Mark Duplass and Jake Johnson I see in movies, but always as minor characters. Aubrey Plaza has had some slightly better than minor roles in movies, her biggest probably being in Funny People.

I think it is incredible how much they did with really so little. They turned a joke newspaper ad into a story about finding yourself and learning to live. I didn’t think it was rolling on the floor hilarious or anything, but it was definitely enjoyable to watch.

3 out of 4.

Originally I was going to just ignore Dredd 3D. Hopefully it would go to the cheap theater at some point and I’d watch it then, but $10? It’s probably going to suck. But then something happened. People I knew were liking it. It was weird. The internet liked it. What? Don’t people hate remakes?

I never got to see Judge Dredd, I was like six at that time and it is violent. Hell, I still haven’t seen it. But what I do know about it is the pop culture references, of course. Basically it can be summed up in these 10 seconds for all I care. LAWWWGGHHH!

Yeah, well if anything, this new guy looks like the law.

Dredd 3D is set in…the future! Giant ass cities, so many people. Lot of them live in these big tower things. The police force are now called Judges, because they will find criminals and carry out the sentencing on the spot, and all of it gets recorded. It is just what has to be done with this many people. Too bad only some small percent of reported murders even get investigated by the Judges, they are so busy.

Who is the judgiest judge of them all? Judge Dredd (Karl Urban. Who is also a Doctor, sometimes). He knows all the rules, all the tactics, and is a bad ass motherfucker, more or less. He has no remorse, and will sentence without a care. Definitely won’t ever remove his helmet. But he is asked to train a rookie, Anderson (Olivia Thirby) who is also a psychic. Yeah, one of those mutants, who lucked out and got a useful transformation instead of an extra hand out of her stomach.

So yeah, she suggests a place to go. These three guys got skinned and fell about 30 stories. Could have been worse, could have been from the top, 200 stories up! They investigate, turn it into a drug bust. New “Gang” is in the area, lead by a Ma-ma (Lena Headey), who took over the entire complex. Hell, turns out they have a new drug that is hitting the market strong. Basically it makes your body feel like life is in slow motion. Kind of awesome. But one of the people she takes from the bust, Kay (Wood Harris), she can tell killed the people directly. He might even know the entire working operation of the drug place, meaning if he gets interrogated, he might spill the beans. Can’t have that happen.

So Ma-Ma does what everyone does. Gets the weird Technie (Domhnall Gleeson) to lock down the building completely, and shut off communication, and tell the residents to kill the Judges. Can they get out alive, and you know, actually still obey the law?

She has no helmet eh? Well that makes things easier. You know, shooting her in the head.

Wait a second. People trapped in a living complex, and wanting to take down the leader with the whole building trying to kill him? That unfortunately sounds familiar. If you read my reviews a month ago, it would sound like The Raid: Redemption. That really is unfortunate!

These movies were probably being made around the same time, so the similar plots were not intentional. Just ruined the awesomeness of this one.

Karl Urban? Wow, what a Judge Dredd. Obviously the best I have seen, but he kicked a lot of ass, and I was cheering him on. Never removed his hat, so really couldn’t tell it was him, but he made that character awesome.

How about the 3D? Well, I can say don’t watch this movie in 2D. I think the reason for the drugs was just to see that shit in 3D and make some super slow motion deaths. But it worked. It was killing porn, basically, and looked amazing. Plot not the best, but the twists and turns were fun to watch. Definitely see this bad boy either in theaters, or your 50 inch blu ray 3D TV.

3 out of 4.

If you wanna have a good time, every time you say Looper, you should pronounce it as “Loopah”. Reminds me of Zelda a bit.

It is a good idea to laugh. Especially when you see Looper, and feel all sorts of weird feelings during it.

The year, 2044. The setting, Kansas, because why the fuck not? Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) is a Looper. Probably want to know about that, eh? Well, in the future, time travel is invented and immediately banned. Naturally then, only criminals have time travel at that point. So they sent a representative back to 2044 (Jeff Daniels) to set up a system to their advantage. Bodies are hard to dispose of in the future, so they send back the people they kill at predetermined times and locations! The loopers job is to kill them right when they appear. They get paid with silver bars strapped to the back.

They work until their loop is closed. How does a loop close? That is when the mob sends back the future version of yourself. They are always bagged, so you don’t realize it until you see that you received gold bars instead of silver. Then they know they have 30 years left of their life, and to take their huge wealth and enjoy it. But things start to hit the fan for the Loopers. Loops start closing quickly. Joe’s good friend, Seth (Paul Dano) ends up letting his future self go, causing problems! Apparently the future is scary. Some new guy is taking over and closing up shop.

But what happens when Future Joe (Bruce Willis) gets sent back. Will Joe do his job, kill his future self? Or will he help him figure out how to change the future for the better, with every action they take changing it in some way? And what does the future have to do with a local single mom (Emily Blunt) and her kid (Pierce Gagnon)?

Tell me I am not the only one who immediately thinks of Bangkok Dangerous when I see this?

Shocked. Shocked is basically how I felt after watching that movie. Not at the ending. No, I could see it coming, just still didn’t expect it. Hell, there was many options the ending could have chose. The film did a nice job of keeping you guessing, and leaving you with a feeling of wonder.

I know what you want to know. Time travel? Does that mean this movie will be confusing? Does their time travel make sense? Hard to say really. I’d say there is some confusing elements. Comes with the territory. Is their time travel without paradoxes? No, not really. Especially when dealing with loops and stuff. I would say their metaphysics isn’t perfect, but it is good enough for the movie.

The science in the movie isn’t the main feature though. It is the characters involved. Lot of serious questions get asked when dealing with your future self and the implications of it, of which I think the film handled wonderfully. Everyone acted pretty amazingly, and I was on the edge of my seat wondering what was next. They also did great job with the makeup work to have Levitt look like a younger Willis.

Finally the movie does a few things that few films outside of horror ever do. Have the potential death of multiple children, and the use silence in the music and action to convey feelings of isolation/being alone. I love it when a film steps out of a normal comfort zone. It is great when a film makes you think too, and focuses a lot of energy into character development in arguably a short time. Just don’t go in expecting some action heavy flick, and you will be set.

4 out of 4.

Total Recall, for people who like movies based off books that also already had another movie based off of said book.

Do you love the old Total Recall? Yes? Then why the heck are you going to watch this film? You know it wont be anything like it, and will just make you mad because you compare the two. I say ignore it. See how this one goes. Then don’t get too pissed off when you realize this one has no trip to Marsin it.

But if we’re lucky, we are in for a mind fuck. Kind of like the recall business.

Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) is a factory worker, helping build police drones, in the Britain Empire. After chemical war, there are only really two livable places left, Britain (Which is a lot of Northern Europe), and Australia, now called The Colony. Guess which one is in charge? GUESS. Lead by President Cohaagen (Bryan Cranston) of Britain, times are rough. Hell, Douglas lives in the Colony, but has to tramsute to Britain each day for work with his pal Harry (Bokeem Woodbine).

What? How can they do that daily? Oh haven’t you heard? The Fall is a giant gravity elevator that goes through the earth’s crust and mantle, around the core, to the other side. Don’t ask questions.

So times are rough. There are ways to get over it though, through Rekall. They will implant false memories into your brain to make it all better. People don’t trust it though. Since Douglas has been having strange dreams about a girl, he finally decides to go. Despite the calming voice of John Cho, shit hits the fan when he tries to have secret agent memories. What’s that? Apparently he already has those memories? How can that be?

Either way, shit is weird. Even his wife Lori (Kate Beckinsale) seems to have turn on him! She is a spy for the government? Oh nos! But at least he finally met the mysterious girl, Melina (Jessica Biel) who claims he was kidnapped and had his memories replaced, and he is actually an agent for Matthias (Bill Nighy), a resistance leader wanting the Colony to break out of Britain control.

Oh, or is all this actually just the memory that was implanted in him? That could be true as well.

For “whatever reason”, when you google Total Recall you mostly get these images.

Wooo science and action! And that is about it.

I mean shit. Okay, I know they don’t get to go to Mars. That sucks. Mars is awesome. Curiosity agrees. But you know, all this felt like was a bunch of confusion, with action, and eventually a crazy ending. I have talked before about how too many plot twists can ruin a movie. Once you reach a certain point, you lose interest, and don’t trust the film anymore. I think this movie passes that threshold. Also, if you thought the lens flares were bad in Star Trek, you are going to be pissed off watching this movie.

I mean shit. Besides the obvious, I feel like the science presented in the movie didn’t even stay too consistent. I’m looking at you magnet cars.

Fuck, I can’t even think of more to say. I just thought it was kind of boring and dumb.

1 out of 4.