Tag: Ryan Guzman

Despite my many claims to be in love with Richard Linklater (damn the Before trilogy, making me melt like butter), I actually haven’t seen a lot of his work. Meaning for the most part, his older work has evaded me.

Yes, that includes Dazed and Confused. I know, I know. I such. And yes, it is free on Amazon Prime right now. I still haven’t gotten around to it. The only reason I bring it up is that I heard this film, Everybody Wants Some!! is a spiritual successor to Dazed and Confused. It has none of the same characters, but it is set in the 1980’s instead of the 70’s, and college instead of high school.

See! That’s all that matters right? I am totally ready for a movie that is confident enough to have two exclamation points in its title, with neither of them representing musical status. (Yes, I understand the Van Halen song title connection too, I’m hip guys!).

I’m so hip I want to point out the man nipples on the left. You’re welcome.

Summer is over, it is 1980, and it is time for college. Our main character is Jake (Blake Jenner), a hot shot pitcher from his high school team. He picked this made up Texas college because they are amazing at baseball, and he wants to win and join the MLB. In fact, the team lives together in a couple houses off campus, perfect for partying and beers. His roommate Billy (Will Brittain) is obsessed with his girlfriend at home, constantly on the phone, also a freshman pitcher.

It should be noted there are no baseball games here. This is the fall, baseball is played in spring. Hell, there is barely baseball practice yet. In this film we get like, one practice and that is it.

This film is about athletic dudes, being in college, being bros, and having fun. And a shit ton of hazing, mini-competitions, partying, looking for girls, general house issues and so on and so on.

And of course it features a huge cast. We have smooth talking Finnegan (Glen Powell), philosophizing Willoughby (Wyatt Russell), ultra competitive McReynolds (Tyler Hoechlin), Roper (Ryan Guzman), and Dale (J. Quinton Johnson). Also a few ladies, Zoey Deutch and Dora Madison.

But also a lot more dudes. Like Tanner Kalina, Austin Amelio, Temple Baker, Juston Street, and Forrest Vickery. And more, but I am tired of linking them.

Several sweet stashes exist in every scene, seriously.

It is really dang hard to talk about just what in the hell Everybody Wants Some!! is about. Thankfully, it isn’t that hard to talk about why the movie is good.

First up, the guys had a lot of personality. Everyone was different, but everyone felt real. I was excited to see Powell and Jenner as major roles as well. Powell played Chad in Scream Queens season 1 and was arguably the best character ever made. Jenner was the winner of season 2 of The Glee Project, which was a reality show to get on Glee, became a main character and apparently is in fucking movies now. Crazy. Jenner did a fine job, Powell was fantastic. Russell also played a wonderful character with an amusing plot line.

The film itself is also decently funny. Again, it is almost entirely just shenanigans between teammates. Hanging out, shooing the shit, hitting the bong, whatever you wanna call it. Just people existing.

It can be a sports movie without really any sports it turns out. It can be a good film despite having no reason to even exist. This is a definition of a “fun” movie for me. Not exploding action blockbusters, which have tons of problems and a bad plot. But a film like this where it is just about fun. And Everybody Wants to have Fun. (Sure, also it can be pretty sexist, but it is going for accuracy of the time, not a statement of how people should behave).

I expected to hate Jem and Jem and the Holograms going into the screening. That is why I picked it! I make an end of the year worst movies list, and based on the trailers alone, this one seemed like it could maybe even contend for the number one spot. Those trailers were awful. I didn’t even watch the cartoon show of the same name, but I could tell it was nothing like the cartoon.

It looked like it wanted to be a made for TV movie on ABC Family, only a step above a Lifetime original film.

So yeah, the film had a lot of work in front of it before it even began, which is a shame. But hey, maybe Jon M. Chu, famed director of such film classics like, Justin Beiber: Never Say Never, Justin Bieber’s Believe, G.I. Joe: Retailiation, and some shitty Step Up movies could be its saving grace.

Don’t look at me with those disbelieving eyes.

Jerrica (Aubrey Peeples) is your average 18 year old girl. About to finish high school, living with her aunt (Molly Ringwald), sister Kimber (Stefanie Scott), and two foster sisters, Shana (Aurora Perrineau) and Aja (Hayley Kiyoko). Okay, so she isn’t normal. But they all like to sing and play music so that is something fun. To bad Jerrica is super shy and would never do anything about it.

Until, you know, she does. After getting all emotional about the fact that they may lose their home, Jerrica puts on make up, a wig, and writes a song about loneliness under the stage name Jem. Her sister tricks her and uploads the performance to the YouTubes and somehow it goes viral. It goes so viral that Erica Raymond (Juliette Lewis), CEO of a made up big record company is offering her a small contract to play a few shows. She is super interested in her mysteriousness and plans to exploit it for maximum monetary viral wealth!

The girls are fine with it, transporting them all the way to LA where they have to learn how to be “rock stars”. It is important to note that their dad (Barnaby Carpenter) died when Jerrica was around 7 or 8. He was working on building a robot called 51N3RG.Y (pronounced Synergy), and he left it unfinished due to his sudden death. She likes to carry it around and stuff.

We need more dudes in this movie, which is why we have Ryan Guzman playing their “caretaker” and watcher to make sure they don’t get into trouble while in LA, Nathan Moore as a driver/bodyguard like person, and Ryan Hansen as a cameo as a security guard.

I have been told that Woody Allen cameo’s as the keytar.

Jem and the Holograms was not the worst movie of the year. Was it bad? Certifiably in every way. But it wasn’t a full on 100% cringefest.

First of all, the movie had no idea what it wanted to be. It goes from teenage sudden stardom film, to a long scene involving the Synergy, looking like it was taken directly from Earth To Echo. The scenes with the robot become a strange Sci-Fi Mystery throughout LA. Other parts of the movie literally seem to be almost identical to Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. I of course recognize that because I actually saw that concert doc. The plot is like a bad mash up of Hannah Montana and Josie and the Pussycats. Lewis overacted and was playing a non funny Parker Posey in that film I just mentioned.

That’s not all. It awkwardly referred to the band as a rock band, but they only sang pop songs. The song that went viral had absolutely no reason to go viral, realistically it would have never happened. They should have made it a much bigger deal. The fans she gained from the song would have hated every other thing she did, because the few songs after were nothing a like and very fake feeling.

A character says he hates newer bands because they are all auto tuned crap. The response? They sing a song a capella, but it also is processed and you can tell it doesn’t sound remotely real. Literally this happens right after the complaint about that. How can they do that to us? Related, another moment during the movie in a song, they lose power and finish it again, without instruments. The awkward echo during the song is still somehow apparent, although it doesn’t make sense to be sung.

Here is a picture of an attractive male to break up my bitchin’.

One more major annoyance, this one is a SPOILER. Part of the plot to get out of the bad contract that breaks up the friends involves a will a character never knew existed. They steal the will and when it becomes apparent, without even showing it, they just mention part of it, and suddenly everyone changes what they were doing and they win the day. Not actually proving anything, just saying vague things. The bad character says something like, “You don’t even have the will, only I do!” The whole movie (and for years) it was in a safe, but for some reason she was randomly carrying the packet in her hands at that moment? Similarly, the dialogue was generally always terrible.

But it DID have some moments. Miraculously, out of no where, I found myself crying at a beautiful moment. I blame my newborn baby on that. Every time recently a film has had any sort of emotional “Father Daughter” moment, it affects me deeply. Also, there were some good songs. “Way I Was” was pretty damn good and the only thing similar to the original viral hit.

This movie is objectively bad. But, damn it, it has its moments.

I know. I missed out on a lot of January movies this year. They are slowly trickling down to me though. And I need to watch them all too. How else can I make a worst of the year list if I don’t see some of the best potential films that January want to offer me?!

I already saw Taken 3. But now I get to see The Boy Next Door.

Title wise, I only have to compare it to The Girl Next Door. And despite how much my younger self was really really excited to watch it for…reasons. I was left disappointed and never looked back. Little did I know how January this movie would be.

They had an exact replica of the room I write reviews in this movie!

Claire Peterson (Jennifer Lopez) is an English teacher at a high school. If her job profession didn’t bore you, the actress probably did. She is getting divorced from her husband (John Corbett), obviously, because that is really the only person she could get divorced from. He cheated. They have a teenage kid, Kevin (Ian Nelson). Ho hum.

Well, gossip time. A boy moved next door. Noah Sandborn (Ryan Guzman), just moved in with his grandpa in a wheelchair. He is going to help out. Such a nice guy. He also likes English Literature, like The Iliad. And he is friends with Kevin! And he helps out at the house too. And he apparently looks good naked.

Anyways. Claire and Noah have some of that sex thing. She was feeling bad. He was around. Kind of a mistake, since he is also in high school. Now in HER high school. Sex with a student is uncomfortable.

Especially when he transfers to her class. Starts hanging around a lot more. Starts getting threatening/agressive. Prints pictures of them naked together. You know, classic courting techniques. Turns out Noah has a not so spotless past. Mistakes have been made, and Noah might be a little bit too threatening. Dun dun dunn.

Also with Kristin Chenoweth as another teacher. She serves a role in this movie.

“Looks your in the kitchen. Allow me to grope your butt?”

The best way to indicate sleep through text is to just type the letter “Z” a lot. But I don’t think I could hold down that keyboard button long enough to indicate how much I would have rather slept than watch this movie. It didn’t even have the common courtesy to put me to sleep. My eyes were wide awake the entire time as I watched a terribly acted, terrible plotted, movie.

I can’t think of a single nice thing to say about it. Jennifer Lopez? Why the fuck is she in movies at all? Why were both the female leads singers in the first place? I mean, sure, Chenoweth has been decent in some things before, because at least she is in Musicals. But J-Lo ain’t in anything good. She doesn’t fit this movie at all, or her character.

It is uncomfortable, but not in a good way. It is uncomfortable because of just how pointless and shitty the whole film feels. It wasn’t ever scary, outside of knowledge that someone let this movie get made. Not only was it devoid of thrills, it was also devoid of any real risks. Anything to make it separate itself from straight to DVD horror films. I’d rather watch a straight to DVD horror film. At least someone of significance might at least die or something. Jeez.

I chose to watch Step Up: All In before The Hundred Foot Journey. Let that sink in. This is no longer true. I wrote this intro 2.5 weeks ago but then circumstances made it so I couldn’t see this movie for weeks. And I will be damned if I am going to change my intro.

That is because for the most part, I can enjoy a good dance movie. If the music is “Fresh” and the moves are “Dope”, I can be entertained. Especially if it feels a bit original and doesn’t fill it with too much badly acted drama. Hell, I had a whole week or two last year where I watched a bunch of dance movies I missed throughout the last few years, the obscure and straight to DVDs ones.

Step Up: All In is the first dance movie I will have seen since Battlefield America which was so bad and creepy it caused me to nope out of the genre completely. Which is a shame, because I still haven’t seen You Got Served (which I will now save for a Milestone Review).

A literal boxing ring, in case the dance off metaphor wasn’t strong enough for you.

Now that we have left the travesty that was Step Up: Revolution behind in Miami, we can focus on Los Angeles. Wait. Wait a minute. Is that Sean (Ryan Guzman)? Lead star of Step Up: Revolution? What the fuck? And wait, who is that, Eddy (Misha Gabriel Hamilton)? His best friend from the movie? Holy shit, the entire “The Mob”, their dance crew is here. What the fuck. Is this a direct sequel for real? No. This is something more.

The Mob is pissed off at LA, everyone except Sean. They are all broke and poor and returning home. Sean, also broke and poor, doesn’t care, he knows he can survive out here, so he says bad things to his friends and they leave. Sean finds Moose (Adam G. Sevani, who was in every Step Up movie but the first one), gets a job, and hears about this new competition called The Vortex. Lead by pop star Alexxa Brava (Izabella Miko), the best crews around the world will submit videos of them dancing. And then the top blah will go to a competition in Las Vegas, where the grand prize is a 3 year contract to perform there! Woo!

So Sean gets a new crew together, featuring Andie (Briana Evigan, from Step Up 2: The Streets), and a shit load of other people and they enter! But oh no, the rival crew that made fun of them earlier is also there, lead by Jasper (Stephen Stevo Jones) and shit, The Mob made it too.

I guess the real question is, can we really root for Sean who is going to be a dick to literally everyone in this movie, justified or not? Alyson Stoner reprises her role from the first and third movie. There a lot of other people in it, so I will just list them til I get bored.

Stephen Boss, David Shreibman, Mari Koda (Who has been in all the Moose movies), Christopher Scott, Luis Rosado, Facundo Lombard, Chadd Smith, Martin Lombard, Cyrus Spencer.

They fight fire with fire but not really how the saying meant it.

I recognize for the most part that dance movies have basically become a way to showcase the last winners of America’s Best Dance Crew and other similar TV shows. But that main one ended in 2012! Where do they get their talent from now?!

Oh. They get them from their past movies and re use them. What a concept!

First, I am glad to see so much of their effort was into actually trying to make the movies connected, versus a lame cameo here and there. Like most of the time, all the movies outside of the first film are connected. There is the small connection to the first film, but that’s all it is, small.

My problems lie heavily with the plot. The main character is a douche for 85% of the movie. And just because he sees the error by the end, I still don’t have a desire to cheer for him or his team, especially knowing how his character acted in the last film. They broke up almost everyone’s relationship (except for Moose) just to make new ones with this. Who cares if the last movie was mostly about gaining one of those relationships.

And the ending. Oh goodness. Guess what, a team was cheating. So what do they do about it? Cheat harder. Yep, that’s what I meant fighting fire with fire. They don’t rise above it and overcome it normally. No, they just cheat more. Ugh. I can’t even.

Some of the dancing was cool. I didn’t think the final “good guy” dance was actually that much better. Just felt like they were just throwing everything at a wall to see what sticks. Was a clusterfuck of annoyances.

There are better dance movies out there than this one. But at least…one or two characters are cool from this.

So I just learned that Step Up: Revolution is not the original name of this movie. Nope, originally it was called Step Up 4: Miami Heat. Wow. If anything, I can say that they did a good thing with the name change.

After all, who doesn’t love a good revolution? Wait. One second. Turns out people in power don’t like revolutions. Hmm. This title could be a controversy then.

Well that is good, after all, who doesn’t love a good controversy? Oh what’s that? Shy people hate controversy? That is fine, we can ignore shy people. They generally aren’t going to be dancers anyways.

Pictured above: No shy people

Miami has a lot of things going for it. One of those things is that people like to live there. But in this world, they have this crazy never heard of thing before called Flash Mobs. But instead of a regular flash mob, it is the “same people” every time, and they are a public disturbance, because they are the only type of Flash Mob. Heck, they even call themselves The Mob, for creativity purposes.

Lead by Eddy (Misha Gabriel Hamilton, who has past roles as Dancer and Detroit Dancer) and Sean (Ryan Guzman, first role!), they rock the streets and get them recorded and put on the youtubes. Why Youtube?

Because for whatever reason, they are in a competition to be the first to get 10,000,000 views on a video (or overall their videos? Not sure). Because the first to do that gets $100,000, so they do these dance flash mobs to get hits. But what if they can turn their mobbing into a message?

Emily (Kathryn McCormick, formerly Dancer, Audience Member 1, and Sexy Girl 1) is in Miami to audition for some fancy dance company, but her father, Mr. Anderson (Peter Gallagher, yes he gets no real name) doesn’t really approve. In fact, he is a real estate grabber, for his new and fancy hotels, and he plans on buying up a huge plot of land in Miami to renovate and make awesome luxury spots. Turns out this involves some of the best hang out spots and homes of some of our main cast, and that is bad.

So after she secretly joins their group (because she needs to learn to let her wild side out more in her classical /modern dance stuff, by adding some street moves), they come up with the idea to protest this stuff, making them become bigger and more powerful. But I mean, can dancing stop commerce? Also featuring Cleopatra Coleman as their DJ and Stephen Boss as another main dancer.

Just imagine how uncomfortable standing in the middle of that would be. Closeness on an escalator, gross!

You know what, there are a lot of plot problems in this movie. I could ignore them, but fuck that, lets talk about them.

First off, the youtube competition makes no sense. Everytime they mention it, I cringed because they made it seem like they didn’t even know how the internet worked. Was a vague competition, and tons of videos already have over 10,000,000 views in real life. Similarly, a video wouldn’t take months to reach that high either.

Secondly, what the fuck Emily plot line. Really? She needs to add more fire and passion to her dances? And so she starts doing hip hop crazy stuff on the streets? How is that not pretty much the entire plot from the first Step Up?

Anyways, this is a dance movie though. That is what is important! Well, first off on that, I hated the music. Pretty much every time. The best DJ in Miami my ass, what was that shit?

The dancing to the music? I wasn’t impressed. I am pretty sure I have seen dancing like that before, and well, it wasn’t as cool watching it in this movie. The only dance scene I really liked was the above fedora/business scene, their first protest dance. But hey, I might have just liked that more for the outfits and props.

Should I have complained that the movie theater staff never came out and flash mobbed our theater? Probably.