Tag: Noomi Rapace

Bright was meant to be this big Netflix release at the end of the year, one of their first Blockbuster films. So of course they brought in Will Smith for this adventure.

And hell, they made it R, so we can get the killing, the swearing, and the boobs. Just going to go all out. They even did pre-screenings of the film for press! The night before it was on Netflix, sure, but they were trying.

And then everyone hated it. I heard a lot of things, like how it was meant to be the worst film of the year, terrible, whatever. So something I meant to ignore I was now contractually obligated to write about. Statistically, everyone who sees this review would have seen it by the time I publish this, which in my head is currently “whenever.”

“Say whenever again, I dare you.” – Samuel wilL. Smith.

In the year, I dunno, probably this one, in a city much like LA, we have one notable difference. Fantasy races also exist in our world, or at least just a few. We got elves, we got orcs, we got fairies, and as far as I can tell that is it. Sorry people who love dwarves. Two thousand years ago there was some Dark One that came and tried to destroy the world, the Orcs were on his side, the “good guys” won and the orcs were hated ever since, despite being citizens of the world as well. So they get shit upon by everyone.

Oh and magic! And specifically, magic wands which are super rare. The only people who can use the wands are called Brights, who are usually elves. Humans have been Brights in the past but it is like, 1 in a million chance of being a Bright. Oh, and the only way to know if you are a Bright is to try and use a wand, if you aren’t a Bright, you will explode. good times.

Now that world building is done, we have a cop duo, Daryl Ward (Will Smith) and Nick Jakoby (Joel Edgerton), the only orc cop for diversity reasons. Also no one wants to work with Ward cause he is a dick, or moral, or something. Ward hates it, Jakoby just wants to be a good guy, and Ward recently got shot on a call as his partner was getting food, so he is angry a lot.

After thirty minutes of exposition and shit talking to the Orc, we eventually have the duo discover an actual wand, and an elf who is talking gibberish and warnings. Before they can turn everything over, they find out that a lot of people want the wand for their own power hungry ways, including other cops ready to sweep this incident under the rug.

So our duo has to run around town at night, protecting an elf and the wand, from groups who want it, or else maybe the world will end. Who knows!

Also starring Alex Meraz, (Noomi Rapace), Edgar Ramirez, Happy Anderson, Lucy Fry, Margaret Cho, and Veronica Ngo.

Elves are rich and elves are hipster druggies.

Was Bright the worst movie of the year? Hell no. In fact, not even the worst movie I have seen on Netflix as an “original film” this year. It doesn’t mean it is good, it is still bad, but it wasn’t dog shit terrible.

However, the intro is going to turn so many people off. It is going for a parallel of their world and our world’s view on races, but they put it to 11. The first 30 minutes or whatever is just people railing into the orc cop, from all sides, constantly. If you want abuse, you will get it, and by then people will have made up their minds. They get over it eventually, but it puts a bad taste into everyone’s mouth. It is far too heavy handed.

After that, it is only an okay story. Nothing too original, the fantasy elements are only somewhat there, and really, the ending is obvious. The acting is mediocre and the effects are also mediocre. So a mostly blah movie with a bad intro is of course, a bad grade.

The bottom line? Netflix wanted to turn this movie in to a franchise of films or a TV show (along the lines of the Marvel series) or something. And you know what? It probably still will. The world building is there already, they have a lot of room for other fantasy growth, and most importantly, they have a shit ton of people talking about this film.

I don’t know how Netflix in particular makes money from their movies/shows, given everything comes with the submission fee. But almost everyone I know has talked about watching this movie since it came out, due to the hype and the bad talk. So this movie probably put up amazing numbers besides the PR buzz. Expect more Bright in the future, whether you want it or not.

1 out of 4.

Of all the movies coming out this week, The Drop was the one I was most excited for (Outside of Atlas Shrugged: Who Is John Galt? but who knows when I will get to see that one!). Mostly because I didn’t have to see a trailer for it at all. Not a once. I got to go in mostly blind and just see what kind of story it would give me.

Exciting! All I knew was the main actors, setting, and some sort of thriller maybe.

So, to make sure no one gets to experience it like me, let me tell you about the plot and stuff!

It also features some guy who you might really want to see in movies before it is too late.

“Ain’t sayin’ no names or nuttin.”

Although they didn’t explicitly tell me the setting, I can almost guarantee this one takes place in Boston, in a drop bar. What is a drop bar? Well, a lot of illegal money changes hands in the city. Gambling, hookin’, drugs, you name it. Not the type of money you can just deposit without drawing questions from the tax man.

In order to keep the money safe, it is stored at a different bar every night, a huge network of them. Very few people know which bar will be before the day of and it is seemingly random. It helps prevent theft of that money and keeps the bars in check too.

This movie is about one of those bars, a drop of cash, and the people who work there. Namely, Bob (Tom Hardy) the kind and slightly slower bartender and his Cousin Marv (James Gandolfini), the owner/former owner.

It also features a neighborhood lady Nadia (Noomi Rapace), a kind of weird maybe ex (Matthias Schoenaerts), the mob (Michael Aronov), a detective on the case (John Ortiz) and a puppy. Yes, a damn puppy.

The puppy is of course secretly key to this whole damn thing.

This one was it. This is the last movie that James Gandolfini will ever appear in, as the only other thing with him in it not released is apparently a part in some never picked up pilot for Criminal Justice. And I think he went out on a good one. Enough Said was only okay, but The Drop? This is a good movie.

Speaking of actors in the movie we are talking about, what in the fuck Tom Hardy? His voice is so weird and unique in this movie. Once the opening narration started, I imagined it belonged to anyone but Tom’s character, but there you go. Whether it is accurate to the area, I don’t know (or give a fuck). It was interesting and it really seemed to work.

The story itself is a slow moving one and one that seems worth the wait. Arguably, the characters are all just so odd or weird on their own that even though it is not a comedy, the bizarness of the situation and accents kind of make it amusing. You know, in a darker or weird way.

Despite it wrapping up the story pretty nicely and being unique, I think I’d want some more of this setting. Fuck it. Give me a sequel.

But then again, in a year I might forget all about this movie. Hard to say. Yay Tom Hardy.

3 out of 4.

If you had to say anything about Dead Man Down, you would say that it had guts. It came out the same weekend as Oz The Great and Powerful, meaning it must not actually care about the money. It must be an artsy film! Just watch the trailer, I actually want you to for once. Yeah, little bit artsy, doesn’t really give anything major away. I think the trailer is fantastic, beautiful music, and no annoying narrator.

But the last time I saw a kick ass, artsy, action movie trailer, Killing Them Softly happened.

Shit, Killing Them Softly had a car in it too. The similarities are endless! From the trailer you would hear a few lines about deception, the loss of a family, and a traitor. This film definitely involves some of these keywords, but I just don’t want to fully describe it. Really, I went in knowing nothing, and felt like I probably enjoyed it more for that reason.

But here is some character information to not leave you completely in the dark. Beatrice (Noomi Rapace) used to be a beautician, but got into a car accident that severely messed up her face. It hurts to smile now, and its hard to make others feel pretty at that point, so her life is basically over. It sounds superficial, but you will get it. The man who hit her drunk driving only got three weeks in jail. She now lives with her going deaf mother (Isabelle Huppert) and is pretty mad.

Across the street lives, Victor (Colin Farrell), a secretive man. Secretive men have secretive pasts. He works for a local gang leader, Alphonse (Terrence Howard), who has been receiving death threats for over three months, and pictures of himself with his eyes crossed out. Kind of creepy. Victor joined about six months before this started, along with a fellow new recruit, Darcy (Dominic Cooper).

That sounds like a fine enough plot description for me, at least.

Oh, and the rats. Don’t forget to add the rats!Holy character development, Batman!

Seriously, wow. It is almost like every character in the movie was treated like a real individual, and not a complete stereotype. Okay, sure, there were some stereotypical henchmen or bad guys, but even a few of them had their moments as well. Color me surprised.

Despite not being an action packed movie on its own, I would say it has enough to keep me interested. The acting for everyone involved was also great. Colin Farrell is getting a rep at being a box office bomb, but that’s just because Total Recall remake was bad, and for this movie, they went out against a juggernaut.

I fully recommend Dead Man Down, as I feel it is a complete movie experience. It is able to tell a realistic enough story, is not special effects driven, and has a great performance by everyone in the cast. There is a little bit of “supermanning” at the end of the film, but by then it is pretty worth it.

4 out of 4

Prometheus! Such a meaningful word. This movie I had the pleasure of seeing in theaters, which of course means it is automatically a bit better than it might be, so the review could change months later.

Outside of the amazing trailers, of course I knew that Ridley Scott was the director. I had heard originally that they planned on being a prequel to the Alien movies, but it was scrapped when it became so big. Well, it still is pretty much. Not a direct prequel, but same universe, and before Alien at least.

I’m sure there is nothing ominous about those vases.

Prometheus is the name of the ship, sent to a moon of a very very distant planet. Two archaeologists, Liz Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) find a bunch of cave paintings, showing old nations worshiping a lager man, and pointing to a very specific star system. It is weird, because none of these nations would have had contact, and are quite old.

So they believe that these beings are inviting them to their planet, and really want to “meet their maker”, and so they convince a trillionaire (Guy Pearce, looking like an old Bill Maher) to finance a ship and crew to do just that. Presumably the ship cost most of the funding, so not all individuals of the crew were the top of their field (on a potentially suicide mission), but still. We got a pilot (Idris Elba), a biologist (Rafe Spall), a geologist (Sean Harris), some sort of high level CEO like figure (Charlize Theron) and an adroid who is fucking fantastic (Michael Fassbender).

Of course other people too, like medics, navigators, security, etc. But eh whatever.

They go to the planet, find the people in question, but they are all dead (OR ARE THEY?). Also, find some nice black ooze. I’m sure after this they go home disappointed and no one dies.

After unlocking all of the secrets of the universe, of course.

Let me go over some pros first:

Michael Fassbender as an android. So good. So so good.
The visuals and shiny colors.
That basic premise.

Some of the cons?
Well, obviously, this is by far the worst depiction of a geologist I have ever seen in film. Thus my comments on not top of the field. Scientifically, a lot of this film is a travesty. Liz demanding no weapons on a new planet for safety, is pretty dumb, as is having only one “Expert’ on each field. But man, that geologist. It sucked, knowing he would die so fast in the film before I knew his field.

A lot of the characters don’t get as much development as one would like. So when certain self sacrifices are made, emotionally it doesn’t hurt as much because we barely know these people. Other conversations seemed forced (“I can’t have babies!” “Father!” etc) and it almost cringe worthy to see. Also drugs.

If I could rate this just on potential? It would be quite high. A lot of the elements are there but I think a bit too much was left on the cutting room floor. This film with a directors cut would probably be great. There is a lot of implied themes that make this film great as well, with plenty of evidence. Just…not enough for me to call it great.

Give a watch, but maybe wait for a nice Directors cut on Blu-Ray.

2 out of 4.

Wooo, sequels!

A Game Of Shadows is the sequel to the very successful first Sherlock Holmes movie that came out two years prior. I remember the day it was released to theaters, they announced they would already o a sequel, unbeknowingst to Guy Ritchie and Robert Downey Jr. at the time, making them both cancel projects. Did you know that RDJ was supposed to be in Cowboys & Aliens originally? Me neither.

As far as I am concerned, from the trailers, this is the only thing that happened in the movie.

This time, the movie is narrated by Watson (Jude Law), as he appears to be typing up a story. What kind of story? Well one that begins with Holmes stalking Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams) down the street. He sees that she is delivering a package, and has goons following her. Whoops, those are her bodyguards. Holmes is still narrowly able to catch up to her before she delivers the nice package, a bomb. Professor Moriarty (Jared Harris) is up to some shenanigans, has been for some time, and Holmes tends to always put a stop to him.

Some things happen, including the fact that Watson is getting married tomorrow, to the same Mary (Kelly Reilly), and Holmes forgot about the Stag party. He invites his older and equally annoying brother Mycroft Holmes (Stephen Fry), and they go out to a bar and gambling den (void of any of Watson’s friends). Mostly to see a gypsy Simza (Noomi Rapace) who Adler also had a letter to deliver to. Oh look, another assassination attempt.

Turns out that her brother is working for Moriarty as well, and they have no idea why. This leads them to Paris to try and stop another assassination attempt, then Germany and Switzerland. The battle of wits is played out between Holmes and the Professor, all the while other big spoilers happen, and a very unexpected honeymoon disaster.

Holmes was Mary the whole time! No wonder he hated the idea of marriage!

Woo, [rushed out] sequels!

They even said it themselves. Or at least when I hear “fast tracking” a sequel I think of them doing it as fast as possible, spending less time on the script and other areas in order to release it fast enough to ride off the popularity of the first. I mean, it makes sense, but usually means a movie isn’t as good as its predecessor (not that it matters, because the sequel will still make bank).

I did find parts of the movie entertaining, but it wasn’t the same as the first in all aspects. I thought the elements of thriller and mystery were lessened greatly, which took away part of the experience. Sure, I didn’t know what was going on, but not because of the mystery, mostly due to the confusing unraveling of the plot throughout.

It made sense during the beginning, but most of it seemed kind of unrelated, a problem I usually have with stories that span “all across Europe.”. Usually not enough time I feel is spent at the new location to accurately get the appropriate emotions I should get form each scene, and then we are whisked away to a new location.

Although not a bad movie by any means, I just felt that it lacked a lot of what I liked from the first.

2 out of 4.

last movie of the Millennium series! The other two reviews are here and here.

Is The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest the ending to a great work, or the third addition to something that probably went on wayyy too long.

Apparently she has gone back to her “scene” ways.

There is seriously NO reason to watch this movie without the other two first. What they hell is wrong with you (hypothetical person attempting to do this thing)? But just in case, my plot outline is going to be very general.

After the events of Film 2, Lisbeth (Noomi Rapace) is in the Hospital, with bullets and stuff in her. So is her dad. An attempted assassination attempt on both of them.

Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) still wants to protect her and gets his sister to be her lawyer for the trial. They want to prove that she has had a life of abuse, both from her father and “the man”, leading her to do certain actions. Like blackmailing rapists instead of going to the cops, and trying to kill her dad in self defense.

Assuming they free her of all charges, can she finally “move on” with her life, and become a normal girl?

And why does she think this is the best outfit to wear at court?

To me, personally (and I remind you again, I didn’t understand why the second one was made) don’t understand why this one was made either. It felt like the “what happens after the show” stuff. I need more details there. Lets say you are watching Psych or something, and by the end they catch the bad guy! Usually by them admitting to it (which is good evidence). That case will probably STILL go to trial, as the person will be all pissed off. They then have to go through a lengthy after process, and hopefully that person is eventually put in jail.

Does that part sound as interesting? No. Because we have already seen all the proof, and know what the final verdict should be. They don’t show that stuff because it would be boring.

Well, that’s what the third movie felt like to me. Sure, some other stuff happens too. It better, since it is 2.5 hours long! We find out a little bit more, but the justification for the movie doesn’t seem to be there.

In conclusion, I don’t see the big deal guys.

1 out of 4.

The Girl Who Played With Fire is the sequel to The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo in the Girl Who Has Long Titles, trilogy.

This one doesn’t have an American version yet, so I won’t put Swedish in the title. Heck yes!

She looks more normal in this film. Well, in this scene. Others she looks just as weird.

So this movie takes place a year after the first? I think so. Year is a relative term. Since the last movie she only a had a year left of having a guardian, but in this movie, guardian seems to still be a problem. I didn’t like it, seemed force, mostly because it seemed like Lisbeth said the same exact shit as the first movie, and it was just unnecessary. So that bugged me.

Michael Nyqvist still plays the detective dude. This time instead of focusing on rape, they are working on sex trafficking. So kind of rapey. I guess.

Talking about the plot of this seems silly. You would only watch it if you’ve seen the first movie, and unless you hated the first one, the plot summary wont convince you to watch this one. So what does this one have? Less rape, as I said. Plus more lesbian sex. Also long lost family members, set ups on crime, and some more computer hacking. But that is about it.

Personally, as just a movie, I found this one to be kind of a mess. Maybe its the transition between book and novel, or mini series and movie? But it was just hard to follow. A lot of stuff was assumed.

Like they assumed Lisbeth did the murder because of some fingerprints? A lot of weird shit happened in this movie, and most of it seemed to come not from the main sex offender plot.

This might have been a deleted scene from The Warriors?

The only reason I am giving it the “one watch and thats all you need” rating, is because acting wise they did pretty good. But me understanding the point of the movie? That was low. Wouldn’t want to watch it again. I can at least see why there would be a third movie after this, based on the ending. So that is a plus too.

2 out of 4.

This is for the Swedish version of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, not the newer one, and definitely not the Swedish book.

Got that? I am already tired of writing out the title.

I kept putting this off, not because I didn’t want to watch it, I just didn’t want to watch a bunch of long swedish movies, and read subtitles. But hey! At least the Blu-Ray versions all have English dubs. Great. As long as I don’t stare at the mouths, I am good to go.

Michael Nyqvist is the main dude, and just lost some court case. He wrote an expose on some famous guy, who took him to court over the alleged facts and won. But instead of trying to appeal, he kinda just blahs out. He then (I really cant see how this happens) gets hired by this old dude to research and look into a death from 40 years prior.

My guess is because he is a research journalist, so the guy wants him to do research?

Noomi Rapace plays “that girl”, and works for some security company as a private investigator, and is hired to follow Nyqvist. There is also this other story about her having a guardian still (I think she is supposed to be 17 then?), and it is very rapey.

Rapey? Yeah. Rape appears a lot in this movie.

So much rape it will make your head spin.

Anyways. They eventually team up, find the truth, fix the problems, and everything works out. Kinda.

It was definitely an interesting, if not weird. Acting was good, and it was disturbing at parts. Nudity, for those who like that, but not “sexy nudity”. I think there were lot of different themes and sub-stories that appeared in the book, but were only lightly touched upon in the movie. Half-assing stuff like that irks me. Putting things in movies just because it was in the book, but not as fully as it was in the book. Appeals to those who read the book, but angers people who like to consider the movie to be its own thing (well, me? And no one else maybe).

So as just a movie, it was pretty decent. But had too many smaller announces that bugged it for me. Ending was kind of weird too. Didn’t understand everything after the first “conclusion” of the movie, and it felt weird by itself. Oh well.

3 out of 4.