Tag: Michael Peña

The circumference of the earth is less than, but close to, 25,000 miles. That is the biggest circle you can get on our Earth! So if you followed that line, you’d travel a shit ton. But that isn’t a MILLION Miles. Which apparently a large enough number to be impressive.

A Million Miles Away, how far away is that? In this movie, we are talking about someone going to the International Space Station. How far away is that? Well, apparently the giant space station that orbits our planet is only 254 miles away. Heck, outer space is only 62 miles away.

A million is a lot more than that. So maybe the moon is a million miles away? I don’t know, I don’t know space. Another quick google search is telling me the moon is 238,900 miles away. That…that’s is not even 1/4 of a million miles. You could go to the moon and back and the moon and back, and you’d still be rounding up to a million and not surpassing it. What the hell.

Basically, if you want to go a million miles away, you are going to go somewhere past the moon and just in empty space. Venus and Mars are both many many millions of miles away. I guess that is all I am getting at. What the hell is this title? No one in this movie goes that far. No one ever has. Damn metaphors.

I just feel so lied to! And about numbers, the most sacred type of character. Looks like we have a biographical film here, about José M. Hernández! Who is that? Well, I guess that is one reason for the movie.

Jose (Michael Peña) grew up a kid always on the move. Born in California, his parents were migrant workers, who had to work many farms to pick food that people need to eat. And that included the kids as well. This affected education! Different schools, showing up late, and more. But the good news is, Jose was smart, real smart, and he excelled despite it. He wasn’t ashamed of his life, but the lack of opportunities sure did suck. He wanted to do great things. He wanted to go to outer space.

And sure enough, that is what he did. He got a job as an engineer, he had people assume he was a janitor, and he found issues that could help save lives. And despite not making it the first, second, or third time. He applied over and over again, to get on that NASA astronaut training program, with the help of his wife (Rosa Salazar) who supported his dreams, no matter how stupid everyone else thought they were.

Was that a spoiler? Nah, this is a real dude. I literally linked to his Wikipedia page earlier.

Also starring Julio Cesar Cedillo and Veronica Falcón.

“Taking pride in your work” is one of 2023’s “Best Advice from Boomers” nominations.

I prefer my biographical films to be about people I don’t know anything about, or at least, know little about. But we have two main types now. One that tries to tell the whole story, with some struggles, but rushes through it all. Or the kind that focuses on a pivotal or narrow moment in the life, their greatest achievement.

This is certainly the former. A mostly by the books story, meant to inspire some kids to join NASA or at least join the space program. Honestly, thinking about it. This is a movie coming out on Amazon Prime. Amazon Prime also had Troop Zero a few years ago. A lot of movies meant to inspire people about outer space. Amazon also is of course Blue Origin, and has their own space program thing going on. Sounds like we got some corporate synergy going on here, of very different branches, to get some people who want to join Blue Origin in the future. Sure the movies are pro NASA, but NASA had no competition until recently.

Back to the film, Peña plays this character really straight, with charm, and its not a comedy film. He isn’t sarcastic. He is hopeful and inspirational. (Little did he know he’d get to go to space again after The Martian). This is a really good role for him, the problem is, the movie is just so standard. Reading the Wiki article, I can already see the movie implied different things from the reality, which is disappointing, but doesn’t really affect my rating. I also really liked Salazar in here. It is frustrating when you watch movies about people trying to achieve great things, and then the spouse role is regulated to someone who doesn’t support them, or nags, or doesn’t get it. (That is one of my issues with Miracle, it felt so unnecessary). Just like. Support your loved ones people.

With A Million Miles Away, you are going to get a movie exactly as you expect it from the description. Unless of course you expect someone to actually travel a million miles away, but I already went over that.

2 out of 4.

There are a lot of quick disaster films out there. Big ass earthquakes. Polar vortexes. Tornadoes. A lot of them are straight to DVD nonsense.

But the famous ones, that have a big budget, and aren’t necessarily great, just have big names in it? Well, apparently they just have to keep getting bigger and bigger.

“What if…what if…what if the moon…fell, on Earth? That would suck right?”

I mean, I assume that is how we got Moonfall. I am ready to be surprised going in to it, but it would need a lot of work. Need to see more big budget science fiction disaster films where black holes open and stars explode, personally.

If the moon was that close, people would still doubt we have ever been.

Back in 2011, on a SPACE mission, Astronaut Brian Harper (Patrick Wilson) was working on a tether with a crew mate, when the power went out, and a huge swarm of black, small metal things flew by their ship and made things very rotational. Not good. He was able to make it back in, where Astronaut Jocinda Fowl (Halle Berry) was unconscious, their third member gone. He was able to land the shuttle back on earth with no power, and was a hero, until he said what he saw, and then was disgraced.

Well, ten years later, turns out he was telling the truth and people were warned. Because the moon has been knocked off of its orbit, which shouldn’t happen. Megastructurist/conspiracy theorist KC Houseman (John Bradley) was “doing research” and found out that the moon was coming closer, and leaked that information to the public because no one would believe him. NASA at the time was finding this out as well, and then? Panic.

Looks like the moon is going to be spiraling closer and closer to Earth. Causing tide changes, gravity awkwardness, and parts of it will for sure be breaking off to crash into the world. How can they fix the issue? What is that mysterious black swarm? How many aliens are there? Should we just nuke everything?

Also starring Carolina Bartczak, Charlie Plummer, Chris Sandiford, Donald Sutherland, Eme Ikwuakor, Jonathan Maxwell Silver, Kathleen Fee, Kelly Yu, Michael Peña, and Stephen Bogaert.

Spoilers: This phrase written on the spaceship is different in the movie.

I definitely went in to Moonfall thinking it would easily be one of the worst movies of 2022. And that is fair. The trailer was super dumb.

But I also want to at least point out things that worked well. I appreciate that this movie went as weird as it did. It could have played it safe. But it went into some out there, science fiction theories and science, and it went out there hard. In general, big budget Hollywood films try not to make the audience think too much, so they will often dumb things down and go for simple theories. It still explained things in a more dumbed down way, which is fair, but I just think it get points for trying. Especially because of how ridiculous things get, it is easy for claims for it to be very dumb are, when it involves a lot of theory and potential in terms of futuristic technology.

I did enjoy John Bradley’s character immensely, and I am so happy that Josh Gad had to drop out for him to come in, because I don’t think Gad would have been good for this. His scenes with his mom were his worst scenes, but they were minor.

Now in terms of things that are pretty bad for this film? Well, the entire Earth plot of family members while our leads are in space is pretty bad. The CGI gets terrible, especially in the unnecessary car chase/shoot out scene. One character dies very dumbly, when it was unnecessary, and it still made me cry despite that. And honestly just all of the thief characters. I don’t care about people stealing cars and being a recurring antagonist when the moon is about to wipe everyone out, you know?

The film was also rushed throughout it. It finally slows down near the end. Once a character gets the knowledge dump in space, I expected it to end pretty quickly, but we instead got a long drawn out space chase scene, just so we could splice it with the bad earth drama.

I will also point out that early on, I feel like it is heavily implied that Berry’s character, after divorcing her husband, seems to be in a relationship with a Chinese women. And I was thinking, damn, that’s progressive, you go you. And nah. It is just a foreign exchange student she is hosting. How old? Is she meant to be high school? She seems like an adult in the movie (and the actress is my age). It feels like she is in the house purely to watch the kid while Berry’s character can work, and honestly the whole set up is just uncomfortable for me.

Moonfall is going to be shit on, likely, by a lot of people, and be an easy punching bag. That is fair. But if I had to compare it to Roland Emmerich‘s other films, I would say it is easily better than 10,000 B.C., Independence Day: Resurgence, and Godzilla. But I don’t think this one will enter the pop culture stratosphere that a lot of his other disaster films have reached.

2 out of 4.

And now for the movie everyone has been clamoring for…Tom & Jerry!

But you know, animated versions interacting with real people! Yeah! That is what we want for sure!

Okay, but for real. Space Jam was a hit. No way this has to mean an auto flop. I guess if there is a good reason behind it, it should be fine. What better way to fill your film with A-listers to help sell the product than by letting them interact with CGI technology?

If the angst is fake, we must dispose of the cartoons. Kayla (Chloe Grace Moretz) is a down on her luck, but smart woman, just needing a break and an income in New York City. She ends up conning her way into a sweet hotel gig, and honestly, she is probably qualified if she can convince enough people she is knowledgeable in my eyes.

But this luxurious hotel is hosting the biggest wedding of the year this weekend. Two really big social media influences (Colin Jost / Pallavi Sharda) and they are rich and it will be the tits. Can I use that term in a kids movie review?

Anyways, another hotel liaison, Terence (Michael Pena) doesn’t trust her at all, and thinks she is up to something. So he will watch out for her and hope she doesn’t ruin things. Oh also there is a cat named Tom and a mouse named Jerry I guess, they are involved in all of this for some reason.

Also starring Rob Delaney, Patsy Ferran, Jordan Bolger, Ken Jeong, Daniel Adegboyega, Nicky Jam, Lil Rel Howery, Utkarsh Ambudkar, and Bobby Cannavale.

“I am shocked, shocked! To find you two causing problems.” – Chloe, probablyWhat is the normal plot of Tom & Jerry? Tom is a house cat, Jerry is a home invader who starts to live in their owners house and Tom is supposed to kill him for the owner I assume. Jerry is clearly not a pet. And mice can live a lot of places and aren’t entitled to human houses or anything like that. But I think the cartoons ignore a lot of that and just make the back and forth seem natural and fine.

So what about the movie? Well, we know that Jerry isn’t a rich mouse so can’t get a sexy apartment and eventually sneaks into a fancy hotel and is seen by guests and they want him out. That makes sense. This is a fine establishment with a no pets policy already. We also see Tom making money in the park as a piano playing cat. He also pretends to be blind for more sympathy tips maybe. Kind of bad. He should be able to rely on just his cat piano self, its already impressive. Then Jerry comes up and puts his own jar out as a dancing mouse and tips go to him.

Why are the tips going to Jerry? What’s more impressive, a dancing mouse or even a non-blind cat playing piano? One is just straight up reactions. So Tom gets notably angry at him for this, but Jerry keeps winning.

Alright, so like, I don’t know what they are doing to make us on Jerry’s side? Because the one constant is of course that Tom tries to get Jerry and Jerry wins and survives and Tom gets hurt. But in the cartoon Tom is just doing his job assigned to him? In this movie, Tom gets hired by the hotel to help get Jerry out of there before the wedding and guests find out about a mouse problem. Again, a job.

Sure, the animals in this world are all animated, but they also are animals. People eat meat. Jerry isn’t inherently a special mouse. He is someone who broke into a business as a trespasser and won’t leave. And everyone is fine with the fact that cats eat mice. There are zero problems here from Tom.

And yet, that is what we get repeatedly. The same shenanigans. Tom continually losing and getting hurt in terrible ways.

The fact that this is set in the real world makes things a bit worse. The wanton destruction of their surroundings, in the park, in NYC, in the hotel lobby. It is ridiculous as he humans just stand by and have continual WTF looks on their faces. My own kids laughed early on at some of the shenanigans, but once the real world implications continued to occur and compound, they didn’t. It is hard to laugh over seeing things get destroyed and violence even on the cartoon scale.

So we have a majority conflict where the bigger jerk continues to win (and obviously this is not a story where the bad guy eventually loses). We get violence after violence. And a plot that kind of includes them.

Sure, the movie eventually tries to give us a message of togetherness and harmony. But it doesn’t feel earned at all. And it all just feels like a mistake.

0 out of 4.