Tag: Keke Palmer

After I saw the first Ice Age movie, I avoided the rest. It was okay, I just didn’t have any interest in future films.

But then I became a movie reviewer, and in 2012 Ice Age 4: Continental Drift came out, so I had to watch several movies in a short span and my brain became fried. Every film got less and less scientifically accurate.

After a few years I figured we were safe, but no, since Blue Sky Studios has practically no other films coming out, we were given Ice Age: Collision Course, involving outer space. Another frontier for science to be destroyed in.

So many god damn characters now.

Look at all the people I get to talk about. Our original Ice Age crew is still around. Manny (Ray Romano), the mammoth. Sid (John Leguizamo), the ground sloth. Diego (Denis Leary), the saber toothed tiger. And by this time most of them have lovers and extra friends. Manny has Ellie (Queen Latifah), and her two opossum brothers, Crash and Eddie (Seann William Scott, Josh Peck). Diego has Shira (Jennifer Lopez) and they are only briefly thinking about kids. Oh and Sid is all alone, technically.

But Manny and Ellie’s daughter, Peaches (Keke Palmer)? She has found a long term boyfriend as well now. Julian (Adam Devine), a mammoth who wants to marry Peaches and move her far away from the family. That sucks for the parents, but it would be great for the movie, because this cast of characters is already too large.

Scrat and his nut help cause a series of events that begins to hurtle a giant asteroid towards the Earth, putting a damper on their parties. The giant crew quickly runs into a weasel, Buck (Simon Pegg), who is some sort of extreme adventurer and smart entity, who has been living in an underground paradise. He believes the asteroid is being attracted to the Earth at a certain spot and that if they get there, they can stop it. But with him also comes a group of evil winged dinosaurs (Nick Offerman, Max Greenfield, Stephanie Beatriz), who also escaped extinction. They want the asteroid hit so that the mammals will die out and maybe they can rule again.

There you go! I think I got the basic plot in there.

Also featuring voice work from Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Jessie J, Wanda Sykes, and Michael Strahan.

Ah, Simon Pegg, always the light in the darkness.

The pattern seems to continue. Check mate, science. Once again, every further Ice Age film in the franchise decides to take a big poop on science, despite starting off strong. I will say that some of the past discretions are more egregious, most notably being off on Pangaea splitting up by 155~ million years or so. This time, we are being threatened by a meteor, going to destroy the planet. One that is going to hit the same place that killed the dinosaurs, and a previous mass extinction event. The MAJOR plot point is literally just to bring up a real event, and repeat it to give it an old ancient past feel, I guess.

Not only that, but they then go on to imply that events in this film would be responsible for Mars becoming a desert, life less planet RIGHT AFTER saying it would have happened billions of years ago, completely vandalizing our poor time line.

One isn’t supposed to get bent out of shape when faced with inaccuracies in a forgettable animated film, but when the film series used to be accurate and is still trying to showcase science, it gets quite annoying. What hurts me even more so is that Neil deGrasse Tyson not only lends his voice to narrate a few aspects, but they even make a character that is a flash in the pan to look like him for a couple more lines. Damn it Tyson, this movie is not helping get people smarter.

Outside of the science issues, this cast is way too large. No one gets killed off, everyone stays alive, and no one is leaving. So it started too big and then it grew further into the movie. It is beyond manageable and no one can really shine or matter. Not even the original trio. Okay okay, the new guy Buck shines a fuck ton in this film, and they thankfully make him interesting, but it is certainly not enough to save the movie in any way.

And yet, this is not the worst animated film of the year. This isn’t even the worst animated film of the year to imply coldness. Ice Age is lucky Norm of the North exists to give us more context.

Ice Age Fucking 4: Continental Fucking Draft. Much like Madagascar movies, I had to watch a few of these films real quick before seeing the latest installment. I saw the first one a long time ago, but 2 and 3 I never really go to, because I never really liked the first one. Might have just been old bitter teenager phase though, so might rewatch it as well.

Either way. I have been up to my neck in these guys this last weekend, so lets just get straight to it!

Marathoning these things could explain why I find the teenage girl Mammoth Peaches strangely attractive.

Manny (Ray Romano) the mammoth, is living the good life. With the help of his “half opossom” wife Ellie (Queen Latifah), he is busy raising his ~teenage daughter Peaches (Keke Palmer). Diego (Denis Leary) the sabretooth is still kicking ass, kind of lonely. And Sid (John Leguizamo) the sloth is still crazy. But at least his family came to visit! Just to drop off his grandma (Wanda Sykes) who is also ‘crazy’.

OH WHAT THE FUCK THE GROUND STARTS TO BREAK APART AND THE SHIT IS HITTING THE FAN. Sid, Diego, Manny, and Grandma Sloth find themselves on a small ice chip floating down the sea, with plans on reaching the rest of the herd at the ‘land bridge’.

They have to get there while being chased by a (geologically quick as fuck) slowly moving massive wall, that uhh, represents something. Peaches wants to fit in with the other teen mammoths, especially cute Ethan (Drake). But he has nasty ass ho friends (Heather Morris, Nicki Minaj), and they all hate other things. So she might have to disown her best friend a molehog named Louis (Josh Gad) to do it, but hey, whatever. I’m sure he will understand.

Back on the crazy ass main adventure, uhh after giant storms, they run into pirates. Because why the fuck not.

Captain Gutt (Peter Dinklage…!) an ape like creature, named for his tendency to rip open animals from their gut to their neck, wants the sabretooth and mammoth to join his crew (on a floating ice, yes). That is how his crew was formed, saving animals mostly, and them wanting to work for him. There is a song and everything. It includes Shira (Jennifer Lopez), a white female sabretooth tiger (yes that means exactly what you think it does). Some sort of bunny (Aziz Ansari), a kangaroo (Rebel Wilson), a large Sea Lion (Nick Frost) and many other smaller critters.

So their big plan involves escaping from them (At every corner), trying to figure out how to get back home to save their families and friends from certain doom. How they’d save them once they get back? Who knows, thinking ahead is for lame people.

Arggh, a band of ice pirates, rag tag sailors, scurvy, etc.

Ugh. So uhh, first off, as you may have guessed, this movie is full of bad science. “But it is a kids movie…!” Get that excuse out of my face. That seems to be the go to response when filmmakers would rather be lazy and make a poor movie with little to no value. That is sad though, because the original Ice Age had tons of science facts on their side. It actually took place when there were Mammoths and Sabretooth Tigers and even Humans. Sure, during an ice age too. That was around 18,000 BCE. Well, this movie is arguably a few years later than the first, with the birth and growing up of the mammoth baby. But yet Pangea splits apart in it? Something that began 200 million years ago, but instead is represented as something 20k years ago? That is a few magnitudes off, fuck that shit.

It is a popular notion in education. Get an idea in their head, and every few years, fix it a bit for them until it is actually correct. But why not just always be correct? You know, so the kids don’t feel lied too?

Either way, this movie had WAYYYY too many characters. I left out some pretty big names, because small roles because I was just tired of adding more.

It also did bad on its own self pacing. Would show a few days in time with the main cast, then 5s with the rest of the families. Their story lines being mostly one of a normal middle school drama that we’ve all seen before, and happens the same way every time. I guess they took a cue from Madagascar and decided to get in on that interspecies lovin’.

I’d say the CGI was better than the previous ones finally, but most of it was just ridiculous ice boats floating on random storms and water. And narhwals.

From what you know about me, you might know I am not a religious man. I tend to rate religious movies lower, but never because of their content about religion, but more so they just end up being poorly made, bad acting, etc.

Despite this, I actually like Gospel Music. I have been to at least one Gospel Fest in my life (and I felt like the only white guy there). It’s just generally so happy and full of spirit, and fun to dance to. So what happens when we get a movie about Gospel music? Depends. I loved Sister Act (and even its sequel!), but can a more modern version in Joyful Noise make me happy as well?

Then again, it might just be some bullshit Diva off, like another bad movie.

What we have is a small town church in Georgia, that somehow has a bunch of good singers in it. Their choir director, Kris Kristofferson, dies! Well, shit. The church board (of this small town church, mind you) chooses Queen Latifah to run the group now. Dolly Parton is upset, she wants to lead it, she and Kris were close, and she is the main monetary benefactor to the church. Oh well. No big deal. Latifah also has a daughter, Olivia (Keke Palmer) and she is the main star of the choir (at least she is now!). She also has a son with Aspergers who is blind (Dexter Darden). No big deal, but he has problems adjusting.

Husband? Oh he is in the army again, couldn’t find work, so Jesse L. Martin got the job to pay for their life, but can’t ever be with them.

Dolly Parton has a rebellious grandson though. Randy (Jeremy Jordan) and he has come to mess things up. He is interested in Olivia, and gets into her life by agreeing to teach her blind brother how to play the piano, and sing! Eventually he even gets to join the Choir. Latifah doesn’t like him, bad influence, and he wants to do new fangled songs with the choir, not old safe boring ones. Oh yeah, they also are of course entered into a competition for gospel choirs, and they never win though. Others just are better. They just keep getting second. But this year? Could they win? Could they even go to a national competition in LA and win that too? They’d have to beat a choir of angelic preteen singers! Oh noes!

Oh yeah, also drama with the Church pastor (Courtney B. Vance), wanting the traditional stuff. One of their members having a lot of her potential suitors dying (Angela Grovey), more than one boy interested in Olivia, and a family torn apart by the military.

The main two singing stars ended up being these two people. These people aren’t Queen Latifah or Dolly Parton.

Did you read that plot outline? It goes a lot of places, and is pretty weak. The way they win their first competition is pretty bad, but it makes sense. The results of the national competition don’t make sense either (guess who wins!). It is one of those times when the winners clearly didn’t do as good as the other people. (I hate that a lot more than when one side clearly does worse and they still tie). A lot of overacting, and some weird actual fighting between characters. All in the name of Jesus.

BUT. The songs are pretty damn good. Some of the songs in the movie are just quick snippets, including I’m In Love With A Stripper. But besides that, they also go the Sister Act route and turn the melodies and tunes of normal songs and Jesusify them, so that everyone is happy. Instead of a theme, like Motwon songs, they take them from a span of decades and it is really fun to listen to.

What? My rating apparently is just based on that. That part was entertaining, but I liked the music. Won’t watch it again, but man, might download the CD. Maybe.

If you guys knew how many lesser known movies Kevin Spacey was making nowadays, you’d be shocked. Shocked!

Because everyone loves Kevin Spacey right? Even when he is in mediocre films, he is usually the best part and everyone is happy. Because yay Kevin Spacey. But why all these films that aren’t advertised? Today I watched Shrink, which came out in 2009. And well, I am sure its probably not something anyone really knows. Tomorrow I will watch Casino Jack, a 2010 movie with him. Heard of it? No. Probably not.

I am sure most would be willing to tell Kevin their darkest problems too.

Kevin Smith is a celebrity therapist in LA. Exclusive and famous clients, who all have problems. No cameos here, but Robin Williams does play an actor who is in therapy for alcoholism (but doesn’t believe he is an alcoholic, and thinks himself a sex addict instead). Unfortunately for him, his wife also recently committed suicide and he is kind of having a rough time with it. He starts drinking himself, avoiding his bed room, and hanging out with his pseudo-relative Jesus (Jesse Plemons) to get drugs and high with.

His dad was also a therapist and it is clear Kevin is having a hard time. After a failed intervention, he gets him to start therapy for a high school girl, Jemma (Keke Palmer) as Pro Bono work saying it would help. Why? Turns out her mom committed suicide too. She wants to be a filmmaker some day, but is having quite a rough time at the moment.

At the same time, he is handling a few other celebrities. Saffron Burrows is an actress, married to a narcissistic rock star husband, who makes her feel insecure about her age (joint therapy, husband the real problem). Dallas Roberts is a talent agent who is a germaphobe and has anxieties, who’s biggest client is Jack Huston, who is also addicted to drugs.

Finally, Mark Webber is his kind of related god son, who is a struggling writer who might finally get inspiration through Kevin’s clients. Also interested in romantically with the assistant to Dallas, Pell James.

Yeah, lots of plot lines going on here. Most importantly Kevin trying to handle his clients (who end up being way too connected for his liking) while also failing to take his own advice to deal with his own problems.

Jesus wears glasses.

As we learned from The Sopranos, sometimes even a Shrink might need a Shrink. Having to hear others problems for so long can drive a person mad and not feel as important. This isn’t the plot of the movie, just me free balling.

An interesting concept of a movie, but I definitely thought there was a lot of plots going on. I wasn’t sure why there was so many separate stories for awhile. They eventually became more and more connected (or they always were connected, just more and more revealed) but ehh. Still felt weird. Some of the client stories (Robin Williams / Saffron Burrows) seemed to go nowhere by the end. No where exciting at least, nor did they really end.

Everything else was neatly wrapped up in the movie though. Kevin Stacey does good. I thought each of his scenes were decent, but the flip out on TV scene didn’t feel natural at all. But yeah, wooo therapists.