Tag: Jennifer Garner

Marry Christmas! Because those jerks at the local theater wouldn’t give me Black Nativity, I was left without a movie to review on Christmas.

So I decided, fuck it, lets think outside the box.

I bought a DVD version of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past some years ago at a Black Friday sale, but never got around to watching it. So of course, this RomCom, is some weird alternative telling of A Christmas Carol.

Basically 100% identical, but this one has attractive women fawning over our main character instead of money.

Connor Mead (Matthew McConaughey) is a successful photographer of models for magazines. He is with a different woman every week, and then moves on, never getting in love, never getting serious, only having fun. Turns out he learned it from his mentor, Uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas) after a bad prom in high school.

But now, his brother (Breckin Meyer) is getting married to the love of his life (Lacey Chabert), of which Connor doesn’t approve. It is not like Connor is going there to mess it up, he is just going to highly suggest it. Also at the wedding is his former fling, Jenny (Jennifer Garner), who he knew most of his life.

Either way, during the weekend wedding, for whatever reason, he learns he is going to get visited by the ghosts of girlfriends past. No, don’t worry, they didn’t all die or anything. It is just that they will appear to him in visions and talked about briefly. Of course girlfriend is a vague term, because he didn’t date any of them, he just hung out with some for about a week or two, and sexed a lot. Will a look into his past, present, or future sway his lifestyle and make him go for his one true love?

Emma Stone plays the ghost of girlfriend past, Noureen DeWulf of girlfriend present, and Daniel Sunjata plays an eligable bachelor who is interested in Jenny.

Lacey Chabert you recognize from Mean Girls. You are welcome.

It is strange going back to 2009 to see a movie of this nature. All because of Matthew McConaughey. Pre-2010 he had these roles a lot, like Failure To Launch or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (both of which feature him leaning on the cover, fun fact). But now he has evolved into a much deeper actor. Bernie. Magic Mike. Dallas Buyers Club. Mud. The Lincoln Lawyer. So many damn movies.

But this is RomCom Matt, and he follows the formula perfectly.

In fact, this movie follows it way way too easily, and it doesn’t feel too important. He only one does one big act of love near the end. Everything else is jut playboy flirting. But I guess Jenny always loved him and never moved on, so it was easy to get her back at the end? Seems a bit silly.

It would make more sense if everyone knows the journey he went on over the three days, but they dont, that shit was all in his mind basically. Everyone didn’t get transported back to his awkward middle school years. Personal journeys don’t mean squat when no one can really see that you have changed outside of saying “Oh yeah, I have changed!”.

So I guess that’s my disappointment, as a man who tends to enjoy a nice RomCom. This one is a bit weak. It is original in the RomCom world (but obviously not itself, original) so that is cool. But it wraps up everything too neatly, even for RomCom standards.

Mmmm, Butter. Just the sound of it takes me back to the good old days, watching The Glutton Bowl on Fox. That was an eating competition, and yes one of the rounds involved sticks of butter.

But citizens of Iowa might be familiar with another use of butter outside of eating it. Carving it! Which is the main plot point of this pseudo-Dark Comedy, in a tale of betrayal, love, and dairy.

Not to mention great smoothing skillz.

Bob Pickler (Ty Burrell) is the king of Butter carving in Iowa. He has won the best sculpture at the State Fair fifteen years in a row, and has no end in sight. But when the higher ups mention he should probably retire and let someone else have a shot, he agrees and thinks it is a good idea. Too bad his wife, Laura (Jennifer Garner), has built her entire life around their butter empire, from charities, to parties, it is all about butter. There is no way they can survive without it!

So she does what she knows is best and enters the next competition herself. Why not? She has seen her husband do it forever, how hard could it be?

Well, Destiny might have a problem with that. Destiny (Yara Shahidi) is a 10-year old orphan girl, going from bad house to bad house. She already feels out of place, being one of the few black people in the state, but eventually her mother will get better and take her back in! Until then, she is in a new house with the most loving parents ever (Rob Corddry, Alicia Silverstone). On a whim, she decides to also enter the same county competition for the state fair, and it turns out she has the Land O’Lakes touch.

You are probably wondering how this could be a dark comedy, it is a grown woman and a little girl carving butter! Genre wise, I think this has all the features of a normal Dark Comedy, just no death. Oh well, we can’t all be perfect movies. Butter also features Ashley Greene as their teenage experimental daughter, Hugh Jackman as a cowboy car salesman, Kristen Schaal as a Pickler fan girl, and Olvia Wilde as a local stripper getting mixed up in the competition.

So some people might watch this just because of Olivia Wilde. But I’ve heard of worse reasons to see a movie.

A major complaint I am hearing about Butter is the accent of Jennifer Garner. Most people in the movie don’t have an accent, just like most Iowans. How dare she have some sort of weird voice! But I think it is silly to complain about having an accent, just as its silly to complain about not having one. Just because most people don’t have accents doesn’t mean everyone has to talk “normal”.

Overall, this movie is an over the top affair about such a unique/weird topic that I just can’t help but love it. For those who complain that there are not enough original ideas in the movie industry, they should be looking for films like this one. I couldn’t help but compare Butter to other odd movies with events that escalate out of control, such as Fargo or Drop Dead Gorgeous. Outside of its general weirdness, I also found it to be quite funny, unsure of just where the film would take me.

If I was a native Iowan, I would be proud to put this in my State’s catalog. But as an outsider, I will just have to settle for my DVD collection.

You know what sucks? Getting pregnant. Yes, not being pregnant, but getting to that point. I can tell you I have never been pregnant, and probably never will be pregnant, so I have to assume it is a pretty hard task to accomplish.

So why not make a movie about that, and little kids popping out like plants. Why not tell us about The Odd life Of Timothy Green?

“Oh shit, its hard to hold all these morals! They are dropping everywhere!”

The movie begins with Cindy (Jennifer Garner) and Jim Green (Joel Edgerton) at an adoption agency? Apparently it involves a lot of forms and an interview to plead their case. Under prior experience they have just “Timothy” listed, so now we get a flashback movie! Kind of a bummer, because it then kind of gives away how it ends. But eh, family movie.

The actual story begins with Cindy and Jim finding out they definitely can’t get pregnant. They spent a lot of money, but it won’t happen. Probably Cindy’s fault, who knows. Instead of moving on, they decide to have one drunken night, fantasizing what their kid would have been like. Funny, good at some sort of instrument, not athletic but will score the winning goal for a big game, lover of love, etc. They put this all in a box and bury their son in the garden. What’s that? Freak rain storm? Only over their house!

Hey look, a naked muddy boy is now running around in their house. Dude also has leaves coming out of his legs. That’s more normal. And his name is Timothy Green (CJ Adams). That is their last name! He is a plant with the last name of green. ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING THIS PEOPLE? MAGIC MAN, MAGIC!

Well, after a lot of awkwardness, they decide to not call the cops and just you know, have a son. Too bad they have a giant family picnic the next day and surprise, a kid! Hey, even Jim’s disapproving father (David Morse) showed up, but mostly to terrorize the kids. Cindy has her successful sister (Rosemarie DeWitt) with her multiple successful children also showing up, being all successful and shit. What a bitch.

Either way, Timothy quickly falls head over roots in love with some Joni (Odeya Rush), a girl who is a bit alternative. But hey, friendship. Because we all know what is going to happen to Timothy soon. That is right, he loses a leaf. Interestly enough, he has as many leaves as there were papers in that box. He lost a leaf as soon as he was able to make that uncle dude laugh, and they did want him to be as funny as that uncle dude. I wonder what could happen when all of the box is fulfilled and his leaves lost?

There is also the plot line of the town pencil factory going out of business, and maybe their boss (Ron Livingston) stealing Jim’s idea to save the plant! Oh, and everyone’s favorite actor/rapper with an annoying name Common plays the soccer coach.

That is why that asshole is wearing those socks. Covering up leaves and shit. So now he is the asshole swimming in socks instead. He should fit right in.

Basically, this was your typical family movie about discovering yourself, and a magic entity in your life, albeit temporarily. Laughs are had, lessons learned, and what it means to be a good human. I think.

Despite all that, I guess it was mildly entertaining. The movie also monkey paw’d me right in the throat, and I did not see it coming. Honestly, once I saw their box of attributes each represented a leaf, I immediately knew a few scenes that would happen. But maybe they don’t happen the way you expect em too. They might even have all this build up, just to fuck with you. Totally monkey paw’d.

I am not sure if I ever saw previews for Arthur at all. It just kind of came out and I was like “Oh whats this?? More Russell Brand Shenanigans? Jolly good.” or something British. All I knew was that it was apparently the way more RomCom based version of the 80s Arthur, another movie I really didn’t know existed.

If anything, once you knew the movie existed, it demanded attention like a spoiled rich adult.

Arthur is about a spoiled rich adult. He acts a fool, like that one song, more or less. And he is stupid expensive. Outlandish things are done in this movie with no regards to funds. So whatever it is, he is loaded.

His mom wants to keep the wealthy with the wealthy though. He is being forced to marry Jennifer Garner, a much better person to run the family company than Arthur, which will give the shareholders reasons to not flip out. I think. Garner is fine with marrying for business of course, but not Arthur. He doesn’t like her! He instead likes Greta Gerwig, this free spirited New Yorker.

But if he doesn’t marry Garner. He will lose his trust. Can he be poor for love? Also in this film is Helen Mirren as his caretaker and Luis Guzman as his manservant.

Also this scene happens early on.

As far as I can tell, they made Arthur in this movie more of a screw up because he is just spoiled and has no real parental love. But in the 80s it was because the guy was an alcoholic? Big choice difference right there.

Unfortunately, even if it was supposed it was supposed to be a comedy, I barely laughed. I didn’t enjoy it at all. Plot was basic, and full of mostly smaller scenes that kind of helped, but really didn’t advance the plot as much. I don’t know, I just didn’t find Russel Brand being stupid rich and childish. Thought it was a dumb, which is a shame.

So I’d say this movie is easily forgettable, and ignorable. Easier to ignore if there isn’t a review on it. My bad.

This movie starts off with a good concept (“Good”? I mean, at least it is interesting. Why not have a world where lying isn’t possible!).

The first part of this movie was definitely enjoyable. Once Ricky Gervais accidentally figures out how to lie, he doesn’t know how to explain it. He tries to explain it. But no one gets it. What a crazy world. Louis CK plays his friend too, who at least sticks with him throughout all this. Despite not understanding, he is fine freeloading, like any good friend. Once Ricky finds out he can lie, he becomes wealthy, he becomes a big shot movie writer, and everyone likes him.

Yet for some reason Jennifer Garner doesn’t want to fuck him. After all, he has pug nosed fat genes. Regardless of how interesting he seems, she can’t imagine how shitty their children would look. Rob Lowe of course is the example of the perfect human.

Yuck! Look at those hideous beasts! How dare they share an elevator with THE Jennifer Garner.

Anyways, despite being enjoyable, the first 20 ish minutes before the lie, it is pretty repetitive. Thankfully, they handle first and foremost that using it for sex is bad. Or at least way too awkward. Either way, after the main character gets all he wants and there is still half a movie left to go, it just becomes sad. Like. I didn’t find 4/5 of the movie to actually be a comedy, overall just kind of depressing. Sure it took him forever to get with Jennifer Garner, but the route was just blah. He gets into religion, and being more famous than he wants. But holy crap. This was just a sad movie. It had a happy ending? But who cares. I was depressed. Not even a comedy.

Also as a note, and I am sure you were thinking, is they quickly handle the “Oh man, what if he rapes women with this power” situation. That is the first thing he (And most males?) would probably try to do, sleep with a hot chick. Thankfully Ricky finds the situation weird because of how easy it works and decides to never do anything like that again.

“No, I definitely would not have been weirded out with the power to rape anyone and it be okay.”

1 out of 4.