Tag: Erotic

Sex sex sexy sex, boner boner uterus.

Sorry, just using some sexy words to get everyone in the mood.

After all, I am about to watch Addicted. What are they addicted to, you might ask. Cheese? Nope. Alcohol? Nah. Onions? Heck no. Silly intro sections to reviews? Maybe a little bit.

No! Of course not! A sex addiction! Shh, don’t say it too loud, people might hear.

Normally when I say “hold on to your butts” in a review, it is used sarcastically or as a Jurassic Park reference. If I said it this time, it would hold a whole new meaning.

Whoa now. Two people aren’t meant to share a shower. What is this?

Zoe Reynard (Sharon Leal) loooooves sex. Usually with her husband (Boris Kodjoe) of several years. They some times do it multiple times a day. But something is missing for Zoe. Some passion maybe? She doesn’t know, but it doesn’t feel the same.

While working her self starting art business, she runs into a fresh new hunk artist, Quinton Canosa (William Levy). He likes her a lot and compliments her, and sure enough, sexy time. This starts to affect her job and home life. She starts to lie about work, all to have more sex with Quinton! But he has other lady friends, and even he might not be enough. Because then there is Corey (Tyson Beckford)…

But with passion and cheating comes jealousy. Some people might get hurt, mentally and physically, due to all this secret funny business. And Zoe has the least helpful shrink (Tasha Smith) ever, who always runs out of time on a session before she can really help out. Also starring Emayatzy Corinealdi as her BFF and coworker.

If you like chiseled abs and not a whole lot more, this film is perfect for you!

I think I saw this movie before. Obsessed? No not Obsessed. That was a dude doing the cheating.

Ah yes. Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor. That would be the closest parallel, except that one was more about “Sin” and religion playing a part in the morals. This one was just…well she just really wanted more sex and didn’t get enough from her husband.

So sure, she ruined her home life, almost got people killed, and was with two different men outside of wed lock. I guess that is the point. Cheat on your husband and do kinky shit, you will maybe die. And your grandmother will shake her head at you disappointingly. That is what I got out of the movie.

But let’s ignore the bad acting, the bad plot, the worse acting, and the poor and stupid ending. Was it at least erotic?

Hardly. This is the most tame sex addiction movie I have ever seen. No one gets naked, outside of random unnamed characters during one scene. Just a lot of mostly clothed dry humping and maybe some butt shots. Shame did sex addiction right. We got to see Fassbender dick and a whole lot more.

This just seems like a joke of a real affliction. And that is what this film feels like. A joke. A strangely hilarious joke that you might make fun of with your friends.

Originally, I planned to release my review of The Canyons alongside my review of Lovelace, but traveling and conferences got in the way.

Seriously. It would have been a double review.

Why them together? Well, Lovelace is a story of a porn star played by a regular actress.

The Canyons is a “regular story” being lead by a porn star.

In one of those films, there is a different type of smoking. Pole smoking. Okay, both films have that.

Christian (James Deen) is a movie producer, living in LA. He has some trust fund money, so he is living large, doing coke, and having wild sex parties. He also funds shitty movies. Sometimes he makes his own. Of course when I say he makes his own, I mean adult based film. Bow chicka, good sirs.

Well, he is currently dating Tara (Lindsay Lohan), someone else who is now related to the film industry, thanks to Christian. He likes her a lot too, more than any other skank he has slept with. He also likes that she likes to swing with him and other couples as part of his strange video film. She likes him too. Just not as much as she likes Ryan (Nolan Gerard Funk).

Tara might have been seeing him for years in secret, and now she was able to get Ryan a job on an upcoming movie Christian is funding. Probably a good idea.

Just kidding, that just makes Christian rage. Like, a lot. He gets jealous, thinking she is cheating (which she is, but so is he). Like really jealous. Like, someone might die jealous. On snap.

Also Amanda Brooks and Tenille Houston are in here. One is a lying ex, the other works on films. Take your guesses!

In situations like this in real life, I’d wonder who is happier: the porn star having sex with an actor/actress, or the actor/actress having sex with a porn star.

In case you missed it, James Deen is the porn star. One of the biggest male ones of the day, he has recently starred in DP My Wife With Me 2, Don’t Tell My Husband 3, Anal Buffet 8, Jack Attack, and James Deen Loves Butts. Yeah, pretty big deal.

Lindsay Lohan, not a porn star, just a crackhead, and she is very naked in this film. Lots of people get naked, and you can see dicks too. Overall, this film is definitely not worth if just to see this woman naked. Just google that shit, weirdo.

This is a film that decides it wants to make it as uninteresting as possible, despite the huge naked sex factor. I had to tag this film as “Erotic Thriller”, which might be a first. The acting isn’t necessarily bad, just non important. There are no real plot twists or turns at all. The only thriller aspect comes near the end, when James Deen does bad things to people, and then we end shortly after.

His character is fucked up, and we got a fucking lame movie. That is all.