Jane Eyre

(Short)
Victorian British things and I don’t get along too well.

Shakespear Shrug
“Not my fault. I’m renaissance.”

This I have heard is the best film adaption of Jane Eyre ever. Go with that. I was bored by the story. I liked the doorknob scene early on, but it all went downhill for me after that.

1 out of 4.

The Conspirator

This review will be a guest review, done by the post it notes my parents left me before I watched the film.

conspirator review

It reads. “OMG! It is one of those watching ones, not action.” (Meaning it is a drama, not an action movie).

Quick synopsis: The Conspirator is about the assassination of Lincoln, and the trials afterwards. Mostly the trial of the mother of a friend of Booth. Shows how corrupt the law was (true story).

Their rating system, two thumbs up is as high as it can get. No mutants here (If you ignore that the lawyer, James McAvoy, went on to be Xavier in X-Men: First Class), so I will agree.

4 out of 4.

The Road

Oh man this movie was sooooo saddd. AGGHHHH. And depressing. I cried. I did. Very good. Here are some jokes to take my mind off of it.

The Road, obviously, is loosely based off of Jack Kerouac‘s life (and his most famous work, On The Road). Viggo Mortensen plays for the second time a brilliant role as a man slowly turning into a zombie.

Aragorn Viggo Ghosts
I am pretty sure that is what is going on in this scene.

I heard they were going to make a book based off of this movie, but I hope it doesn’t blow like the last book they made after the other successful Viggo movie. That one with the hobbits. History of Violence I believe was based off of real life events though as well, because, you know, it was history.

But seriously. This movie was great, despite the depressing state of everything. Bring tissues. Check it out. It is a post apocalyptic movie, where despite knowing stuff is about to go down, Viggo and his wife still have a child. Viggo believes it to be his duty to still have a child to help the world through these times, while his wife doesn’t agree, thinking it will just hurt them in the end. Parts of the story is told through flashback, before the child, and his early days when they lived in a house, and the rest is between Viggo and his son as they attempt to travel and survive in this world gone mad. You get to see what people will do in order to survive and protect the ones they love, passing many many moral boundaries.

4 out of 4.

W.

So this movie is a fictional yet real biography of the life of George W. I can say I didn’t like a lot of the pre-presidency years. That bored me. Sure he had an interesting party life, but I want to get to the nice political part of it all. The presidency! Yeahhhh! This seems to contradict with my thoughts in my last review of the Fantastic Mr. Fox. Oh well.

Clooney Fox Eyes
Bet you didn’t see this picture coming again so soon.

The story is also told out of order. Not even sure why. This can totally be a straightforward movie. Me being the type of individual who is hardly political, I also couldn’t tell you how much of this is real and how much is fake and how much is way over emphasized and blah blah.

Josh Brolin did a fantastic job. However the overall story line wasn’t as entertaining as I would have hoped. Maybe this is the kind of movie that is better 10 years later, when you don’t remember everything important that happens.

2 out of 4.

It’s Complicated

Hmm. This is a movie I really wanted to like. Who doesn’t like Alec Baldwin, I mean, come on!

The story is the one as old as time…a divorced couple of about 10 years want to have an affair with each other. Lots and lots of old people sex. “Old people” being of course kind of a ridiculous concept here. In fact, you may even describe their relationship as…. Complicated! It was an interesting smorgasbord of actors/actresses who played their children (/children in law) including Jim from the Office and the Silas from Weeds.

Steve Martin also being the sort of antagonist was weird as well. He has always been a “jerk” but never in this light.

Steve Martin as The Jerk
Only joke here is the pun on name for a soda fountain operator. Get it? Get it? Fuck you.

The best performances are of course from Baldwin and Streep, who are very convincing at their portrayals. They are great at these roles. Unfortunately just having well done acting is not the end all be all of a movie. It also has to be a bit more interesting. It is weird that when Streep is freaking out that she is sexing up Baldwin, she calls it an affair. She isn’t cheating on anyone, but Alec is. I guess she has a higher moral ground than myself.

2 out of 4.

The Kids Are Alright

Interesting story, because, hey lesbians! Yay lesbians! I am not saying Lesbians make a film automatically good. Heck no. Plenty of bad movies that try to get more money just because people like seeing chicks make out with each other. This is not one of those movies. This is serious! This is The Kids Are Alright! And I doubt many people have fantisized about the possibility of seeing Annette Bening and Julianne Moore kiss.

This couple has been together for a long time, over 20 years. They decided they wanted to have kids and have a sperm donor. They agreed from the profiles of one individual, and decided to both become artificially inseminated a few years apart, so that the kids will have the same dad, but each of the moms will give birth. They have never met the guy, of course, and never thought they would, until the brother made the older sister (now 18) collect the info to meet him. And of course, shit goes down.

He ends up having a relationship with the whole family, almost breaking them all apart. Poor Mark Ruffalo. If people actually started to yell at him, we now know he’d just go all HULK on them, but that may be a different movie.

HULK HANDS RUFFALO
RUFFALO SMASH!!!

I did NOT like the ending. However the acting is great on all accounts, and it was an interesting and newer story. Well made, but too real. If it was more fake I could have a better ending I think.

3 out of 4.

Rabbit Hole

Hey readers! Do you want to feel super sad and upset? Do you want to feel raw emotion of anger and more sadness? I guess I am asking if you want to cry. Because then it is pretty easy to suggest the film, Rabbit Hole.

Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart give a great performance here of a couple who are dealing with the loss of their son. Both are taking different routes, experiencing with grief groups, and other quirks involving their sons things.

Sexy time? Aaron and NIcole
“Hey baby, I know one way we can forget about our dead child…”

Throughout the whole film you will sense the anguish between them, especially of Kidman here. Eckhart appears to be handling it a bit better, but it still doesn’t prevent him from lashing out in a few scenes where it is almost pure anger. In the movie, Kidman also tries to connect with the driver of the car that hit her child (Miles Teller), and how it is has affected his life as well. It provides PLENTY of awkward conversations that are just real.

The ending provides some hope, instead of leaving everything in taters and unsolved like a lot of these “Great films”. I have to sparingly watch this movie, but I know I will again in the future.

4 out of 4.

Black Swan

Black Swan, Pretty Popular, not for me.

Okay I get it. Natalie Portman. She can be a great actress. In this movie she is supposed to play this very sheltered girl trying to get into her “Black Swan side” in order to get the big part of the ballet she has dreamed about forever. The director thinks she is too pure. She must prove him wrong! Also, she has mental problems that she never knew about. (Well, that she ignored).

That sucks. But I feel like if a person does a good portrayal of someone fucked up, then they get academy award talk and chatter. People will say I don’t get it, but there was much to get. Everything that happens in the film is easily explained, and the transformation at the end is just a metaphor. Hard work alone doesn’t deserve a great review. I need to be interested, and I failed to find this interesting.

Mila Kunis kind of bored me too. She is supposed to be the wild child in this movie. She is, definitely way more than Portman. But I just didn’t see her as a ballet dancer. Also the lesbian scene creeped me out too. I think I was supposed to be, but I am pretty sure the concept was a big reason why a lot of people went to see it.

Kunis, Portman, Oh yeahh
“Oh! Sorry I came in without knocking. Yeah…I’ll leave…right now…yeah…leaving…okay…gone.”

1 out of 4.

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