Tag: Aasif Mandvi

Garry Marshall is a man with a plan. He directs a lot of films, a lot of them women centric as well. From Beaches to Pretty Women to The Princess Diaries (and its sequel), he makes films about women for women.

But lately he has changed his mind. He has had holidays on his mind. Holidays with a lot of people and interconnecting plot lines. Yes, he is that guy. So he gave us Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve and now, Mother’s Day. There was a lot of hope that he would get super into this and give us weirder shit like Flag Day and Cinco De Mayo, but unfortunately he passed away this year and we only will get these three films.

I also could have reviewed this a long time ago. Like, end of 2016. I wanted to watch it and Bad Moms back to back, and so I watched them both to see if they would qualify for my Worst Films of 2016 list. And as you can tell, this one did not make it, it wasn’t that terrible, so instead, I just saved it for the next Mother’s Day instead.

That’s right. I am writing this in 2016. So if my site still exists in May? That would be nice. To date this review further, Obama is still president, I am 27 years old, and I have not seen The Belko Experiment yet.

All of these actresses are currently alive at the time of my writing this as well.

Alright, big cast of characters here we go. And don’t worry, I already decided to not tag any of the kid actors.

Sandy (Jennifer Aniston) is divorced, with two kids, but she is still friends with her ex, Henry (Timothy Olyphant), and maybe curious about getting back together. Who knows. Oh wait! He is married now, to Tina (Shay Mitchell), a much younger woman. And the kids love her. And he wants them on Mother’s Day for a little bit too coming up, because hey step mom. Yayyy.

Bradley (Jason Sudeikis), is not a mother, but his wife (Jennifer Garner) is! Or was. She died, in the war, because she was a soldier. [NOTE: Garry Marshall loves having female soldiers in his movies]. He has two daughters, one of them in the mature age, but he just wants to wallow at home. He does still work, he runs a gym, and he has a large group of ladies (Loni Love, Lucy Walsh, Beth Kennedy, amongst others) who want to set him up with friends.

Jesse (Kate Hudson) and Gabi (Sarah Chalke) are sisters and sharing a house together, both working on families. Jesse is married to Russell (Aasif Mandvi) and they had a boy. Gabi is a lesbian, with her partner Max (Cameron Esposito). And their parents (Margo Martindale, Robert Pine) know nothing about the kid or the sexual preferences and show up to surprise them.

Let’s see, we also have Kristin (Britt Roberson), who was adopted and wants to learn about her mother. She is long term dating a guy (Jack Whitehall) and doesn’t want to get married despite having a kid with him. He is a stand up comic trying to win a local club event run by Wally Burn (Jon Lovitz).

And a famous lady who sells jewelry on TV? That is who Julia Roberts plays.

She is worried her boys might see too much of their new step-mom.

Mother’s Day is exactly as one would expect it. Four or five plot lines, all briefly interconnecting in a big city, all around the holiday of Mother’s Day.

And unfortunately for me, my favorite character was played by Sudeikis. The only of the leads to be a man. And yes, it is because I could relate to him most of all. But also Sudeikis makes me happy in most of larger films, so it is just more him and less me being lame and not relating to women.

Aniston’s plot line was a bit more annoying, as it made Olyphant out to be such a bad guy because it was from her point of view, when it is obvious she is overreacting and getting on our nerves. The “old fashioned parents” being anti-everything also felt awkward in this movie. Character Actress Margo Martindale was such a bad person in the film and she technically never really got better. It ends with her happily telling racist jokes to Russell’s mom basically.

Mother’s Day isn’t bad. It is just emotional drama porn. Julia Roberts is in here because she is in most of Marshall’s films, and it is a very wasted plot line.

But the good news is? It is still way better than Moms’ Night Out.

1 out of 4.

Brought to you by the people who gave us Invincible and Miracle? Well, Million Dollar Arm is breaking up the one word name scheme then.

The two movies above were interesting, I guess. But even as a hockey fan, I didn’t really care too much for Miracle. Too much marriage drama over nothing coupled with some awkward inaccuracies like mixing up Sweden and Finland’s flags at the end.

So, knowing that those movies were just okay, I guess that is what this movie is going to aim for? But since it is based on a real event, that is extremely recent, I already know how it ends up. Dudes get signed by the Pirates. They spend a lot of time in the minors, some time in the MLB, and do okay to bad at pitching.

His big smile is due to the dollar signs that flash on the inside of his sunglasses.

This film takes back in the ancient time of like, 2008 or so. Just like the British Empire of yore, we have people hoping to exploit the rich untapped potential of a foreign nation. Err, also just like the British Empire, this land is India.

Things are going bad for JB (Jon Hamm) and his advertising firm. They wanted to branch out on their own, make their own mark in the world, and they are having trouble making money and signing any real clients. Once they fail for the thousandth time, JB decides fuck all this nonsense. Let’s create a gimmick, change some lives, and become famous that way!

He sees Cricket on TV and thinks he can turn cricket players into baseball pitchers in one year. The first Indian MLB player will bring in a ton of new fans to the sport and lots of advertising and endorsements. Bling bling, playa!

So he gets an investor, creates a reality show in India, eventually finds two young guys (Suraj Sharma, Madhur Mittal), and an Indian translator who likes baseball and will work for free (Pitobash) and begins the training to get them into the MLB. But can they do it in just a few months?! ?!!?!?!!? !!!!?

Lot of other people here of course. Alan Arkin, small role as a talent scout. Bill Paxton as a crazy method man for teaching pitching. Lake Bell as the tenant in JB’s guest house who is the romantic love interest. Aasif Mandvi is the Indian friend of JB to not make this whole thing super racist/imperial like. I guess it kind of works.

I think my two photos this time clearly represent business before pleasure.

Alright, first and easiest complaint about this movie is the length. The idea phase happens realitve quickly, so somewhere in the trip to India, finding of the boys and the training it just takes too long to get to the eventual end point. Too much of the movie is JB being an asshole, so it gets tiring. Maybe knowing the outcome doesn’t help this fact. But Lincoln kept up its entertaining aspects despite knowing how that finished too.

A lot of the characters are pretty good, but hats off mostly to our three characters from India. Sharma and Mittal aren’t similar in any way, both of their characters have personality and shine in different ways and excel for different reasons. Huh, kind of like the real life counter parts. But also Pitobash. Man was he amusing, probably made me laugh the most. I hope he is based on a real life person too, because that guy sounds like a cool guy to be friends with.

Hamm? Well, he played a dick sports agent who eventually found a heart to care for the kids he brought over and then they succeeded. But is it really a change of heart when it takes multiple people multiple times to tell him the same thing? JB is the type of character who will do almost anything to get ahead. He is desperate, that is why he went to India. Wouldn’t put it past him to fake the caring thing too, just because he knows it will make him that money.

So whatever, a pseudo inspiring tale I guess. It isn’t terrible, just is too long and again, is so recent we know that even though they came over and pitched, they didn’t revolutionize anything. They aren’t Jackie Robinson or anything.

Come on Disney. Find a sexier sports moment to make a movie out of next, please.

2 out of 4.

When you first heard about The Internship, you thought one of three things:

“Oh great, a movie where the jokes are only at the expense of nerds and old people trying to be hip!”

“Oh great, a giant advertisement movie for Google!”

“Oh great, an Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn movie trying to recapture the magic that happened with Wedding Crashers in 2005!”

Well, to be fair, I think all of these ended up being true.

Because why the fuck not, they also play some quidditch.

Billy (Vaughn) and Nick (Wilson) are a great team and have been for decades. They sell watches and they have personality. Sales have been down this year, and they find out in the middle of a potential big sale that their company has folded. Great, what are two unskilled salesmen to do with the economy like it is?

Well, get a job at Google, of course! Or at least an interview, for an internship, that could lead to a job. While not being extremely qualified candidates, they are able to smooth talk their way into the intern process, because not every applicant should be a perfect nerd 20-something with no actual life experience.

Needless to say, they are not popular amongst the other applicants. Only one team of interns will be guaranteed to receive jobs by the end of the summer and when it comes time to pick teams, they are stuck with the other nerds who weren’t picked (Tiya Sicar, Tobit Raphael, Dylan O’Brien) and the newest and most nervous group manager (Josh Brener, who you may remember last summer in this Samsung Galaxy S3 commercial before movies).

As expected, this turns into a group of ragtag individuals, trying to work together to overcome the odds and become the top team by summers end. Along the way, Nick has to try and woo a higher up Google employee (Rose Byrne), Billy has to overcome his inability succeed, and they all have to figure out ways to beat the supergroup made by Graham Hawtrey (Max Minghella), and also convince the head of the interns (Aasif Mandvi) that they aren’t complete losers.

A comedy like this of course has a lot of cameos, including Will Ferrell, Rob Riggle, and Josh Gad.

Heh…heh…heh…Noogle.I know the entire idea of this movie probably is a turn off to a lot of you. It looks formulaic, almost like a 1990s comedy (Another aspect of the film that I cannot defend). But it also has something else that is hard to value that really turns it into a decent movie. It has heart.

Wilson and Vaughn have amazing chemistry together, which is a fact we already knew. But it is amplified so well into this film! The dialogue is just so great, the two are able to make the entire thing still feel real and natural.

The Internship is not the funniest film of the year, no where close, but reports say that I giggled pretty consistently throughout it. The film accurately also showed the pressures that college graduates face today, where they can be perfect their entire life and still have trouble/stress once they hit the real world.

I did hate a few of the “speeches” by the end of the film, when they were announcing the winners. I think they cheapened the results by going about them that way, and could have easily been more clever about it. I’d say The Internship is worth checking out, but only if you are want a feel good story and if it is a matinee.

3 out of 4.

Strange. For whatever reason, 750 is a sexier number than 700. Huh. Number talk?

Damn straight. This is my 750th Review! In less than two years as well. 750 means another Milestone Review! I could have waited a week and a half and let another Stephanie Meyer movie take the claim, but I am tired of it, and really, I couldn’t think of that many The Host Jokes. So instead, I went for something that is one of the most hated movies in the last few years, by one of the more hated directors in the last decade.

Oh yes. The Last Airbender by M. Night Shyamalan. The good news is that I have never seen Avatar: The Last Airbender cartoon, so I have nothing to compare it to. That means I can actually judge this movie on its own merits, and not have any previous misconceptions about how it will be! Hooray, honesty.

Here is what I know before watching (outside of the hatred from fans). I knew the children of M. Night loved the show, so he wanted to make this movie for them. He wanted to make a trilogy to tell the entire series, and he, again, was doing this for his kids. Shit, that should be reason enough to not fuck it up, right?

Movie for his kids. Has a kid in the movie. Works for me so far. Let me know more, M. Night!

Alright, complaint number one from the fanboys. White people. Apparently in the cartoon, everyone is some form of Asian, and that is that. Well, that makes sense from an anime thing. Personally, when I see anime, I see most people as White-ish, and I don’t think they care about it in Japan. BUT NO. THIS CARTOON AS ASIANS. THERE NEEDS TO BE ASIANS IN THIS MOVIE. OR ELSE IT IS BAD. Here is a picture showcasing its anger.

Hmm, I don’t get it.

Alright, so this is people overreacting about nothing. In fact, they are saying that M. Night Shyamalan, an asian man himself, is racist, for making certain lead roles white instead of Asian. In case you don’t understand that, I will state it in a different way. Groups of people are saying that certain roles can only be payed by people of Asian decent. If they are not Asian actors, they will hate and potentially boycott the movie.

Now which sounds more racist? Exactly. Fucking hypocrites.

“Get to the fucking review already, or else I am out of here!” – Loyal reader.

Alright, in this world, lets call it Asia, there are people called Benders. Wait wait wait. First there are four elements, like a traditionally old lame game or show. Of course they are Earth, Wind, Water, and Fire. Water is the bitch element, since there is no Heart. Benders are people who can control these elements and do fun magic like shit with them. They can create said element, but they can control it if its nearby. That makes Earth and Wind the shit in my book, theres always that stuff a round.

Then there is the mother fucking Avatar! He (or she?) can control all four elements, not just one. HE’S A MOTHERFUCKIN’ BADASS. He can do it all, hell yeah!

Too bad that asshole went and died or something, and now the Fire Nation ( a large group of fire benders) took over and went all asshat on everyone.

That’s right. We’re talking about you, you asshat!

Well, turns out the Avatar doesn’t die, he gets reborn. So there was a search to find the next kid who could Avatar it up. They have to be an air bender, I think, or something, and well, that is bad. So they killed all the air benders.

All of them. Except one.

And holy fuck I just got the title.

This is my mind now!

Either way, Katara (Nicola Peltz) and Sokka (Jackson Rathbone) are wandering around their Eskimo village, just hanging out. Katara is all water bending, Sokka all, I dunno, regular fighting? Well, they find a boy in a bubble. Kind of fucked up. Also this weird flying thing.

I don’t even know what the fuck this is.

Kid in a bubble, kind of weird. But hey, his name is Aang (Noah Ringer) and I am still not sure how to pronounce it. But hey, they are his responsibility. He wants to get back to some temple, and they just assume he be trippin. But then he is able to control wind. That is rare as fuck! OH MAN, DID HE ALSO CONTROL WATER? MAYBE? Not sure.

Oh hey. Fire nation attacks and totally steals him away. That sucks. Some Prince Zuko (Dev Patel) tests him and finds out he is the Avatar. Great! They’ve been looking for him, probably to kill him. So he escapes. Sad times.

He finds that flying beast and his two white friends, and runs away as fast as he can! Then he is in some Earth Bending place. They are all oppressed, not living up to their rock nature. He leads a revolt, and everyone loves him. Yay! But it turns out he is still a kid and not fully trained. Like. At all. He knows air stuff, and that is it. Water is the next to learn, he was just never taught before being frozen in ice. Whoops!

That’s right, this bitch can do something the Avatar cannot! Owned.

So they set off on a journey to some special water temple, so he can learn how to control water like a pimp. You see, it isn’t just a mind over matter thing. They have to dance around with their arms and legs, in a … dance like thing to control it in certain way. Kind of like elemental martial arts, because that’s how fights work in anime. But along the way, he leads a lot more revolts and everyone loves him. Everyone, but the fire temple guys.

They are so mad (and also realize whats happening) that they are going to meet him at the water place. Meet him with a HUGE FUCKING ARMY.

Okay, here is like 10 people. But the ships have more!

Big war happens! Some Princess Yue (Seychelle Gabriel) chick has awesome blue eyes and some sort of special power. The heads of the fire nation are super super mad. We’re talking Commander Zhao (Aasif Mandvi) and Fire Lord Ozai (Cliff Curtis) mad. Do you know how mad that is? Because I don’t. Fire Lord sounds petty dang serious though.

Sounds bad. BUT THIS IS A FUCKING TRILOGY. A rated PG trilogy, but still, there is supposed to be two more of these! So of course Avatar guy figures out water powers during the attack, is amazing as fuck at them, and rapes everyone in the face. With water.

It is a serious description for a serious scene.

Then you know, it ends the main bad guy defeated, and some chick ready to take his place.

You thought I’d show the chick? To bad.

Conclusion:

Hey, this story is pretty neat!

Not necessarily the movie execution. That was bad. I was fine with the pretty colors early on, but that faltered eventually. Honestly, everyone looked ridiculous in these fight scenes, doing random martial arts at each other, but not really fighting because its all elemental base. I mean, it could be cool, but it wasn’t that cool in the movie.

I understood that it was going to be a trilogy, but (and listen to me closely EVERYTHING), trilogies can be made of movies that still tell a complete story and don’t just punch you in the nuts. This complete story was what, dude learning about water and defeating one guy? No, the overarching goal is still there and I am disappointed. I want more. I feel like it’s not complete. Fuck. No one complains about Star Wars A New Hope because it is a story of a guy trying to be a Jedi, not like, save everything. He saves some things, but he completes his goal and we get a full fucking movie. This just leaves you like a fish out of water. Flopping around, waiting to die.

Again, the story sounds great. If anything, watching this movie is going to make me watch the cartoon (which should be one of the main two goals of fans of the cartoon from this movie to achieve. The other being a decent story I guess) and then I can comment on how much the movie got wrong from his source. But I am used to that. Just like movies from books, movies from cartoons will be different.

And they better be! I don’t want rehashing damn it. Tell me new stories.

But really, this movie isn’t as bad as the hype. It’s people being mad at the director for other things he has done, mad that it doesn’t 100% match the source, and arguing about the least important thing in acting (theater and move), the race of the person playing a role. Come on, this is the 21st century. We have a black president! That shouldn’t matter. When I saw The Lion King broadway, the kid Simba was black, but when he turned adult Simba, he was white. Was it hilarious? Yes. But it was also completely acceptable.

Still though. It could have been better.

1 out of 4.

Normally I try to maintain a neutral bias before I see every movie, as you know. But sometimes I get so pumped up on an idea and on how awesome a movie can be, if the movie doesn’t deliver, then I might resent the movie.

And well, that might have happened for Premium Rush. I was stoked for this movie. Cool bike racing against the time, maybe terrorists, who knows?! Joseph Gordon-Levitt generally delivers. This will be a great movie if it is real time, like 24 and Phone Booth. The previews almost make it seem that way, I mean jeez, they even say he only has 90 minutes to get the task done. That’s like a movie length!

Oh no JGL! Watch out! That Taxi is coming right for you!

Well this movie is not set in real time. Insert instant disappointment. They do show the clock an awful lot. But also flip back and forth to before the movie started to set up some plot. Eh, flashbacks, how lazy.

Wilee (JGL. Yes like the Coyote. Might be an reference or something) is a bike courier in the big NYC. He actually finished law school, but doesn’t want to take the bar, or else he might be working in an office with all of those squares. How scary!

Know what isn’t scary? Riding an old bike at high speeds, no gears or breaks, around NYC. Always moving, always being an asshole. That’s the life!

He decides to take a big ticket item to pay some bills, a long delivery from his old school by 7pm, and hey, it is even his friend Nima (Jaime Chung) who hooks him up! But he immediately runs into problems when some random suit (Michael Shannon) stops him on his bike, demanding the envelope, and willing to give chase. Hot damn, crazy people!

While this is going on, he is also vying for the attention of his ex(?) Vanessa (Dania Ramirez) who actually wants to stop riding bikes, dealing with an asshole work mate Manny (Wole Parks), and trying to convince his manager Raj (Aasif Mandvi) that something bad is happening.

So step 2 was you putting your hands upon my hip? Then you dip, I dip, we dip?

Gah. Really though. This movie might have been killer if it was real time. I can’t get over that fact. Sure its harder to make, but come on. Come. On.

I did see that JGL actually got injured in the shoot. Real bike riding can do that to you with all those cars around. At least there was passion.

Personally I found the character to be extremely unlikeable. When I called him an asshole? That wasn’t just me bullshitting. He actually is one. He will go back and forth in front of cars, causing them to stop and swerve, almost hit lots of people, no care in the world. That’s just a dick move, man.

After he starts getting chased, he causes a small accident which causes a bike cop to chase him. Despite the fact that his chaser is gone and is now a cop, he still doesn’t stop. Not even when it is just easy enough to stop, and get help from the mad man.

The rest of the plot? I guess it is plausible. But a lot of the coincidences to make it worked bugged me, there were far too many. Not to mention they also gave JGL some sort of spider sense to be able to pick the right path that didn’t come up in injury (although I will admit it was funny to see the “wrong” path choices. Some crazy crashes).

Basically, the TL;DR version of this review is my friends intuitions were correct.

1 out of 4.