Tag: 3 out of 4

21 Jump Street (the movie) is nothing like 21 Jump Street (the TV show). Have I seen the show? No. But I know “about it” enough so that I get it. That was more of a crime drama thing, not really a comedy. The movie is a straight up comedy, with tons of references to the show.

You can like both the show and the movie, because it is clearly not a “Remake” but its own thing, taking the basic premise of the show. You know, in case you were curious. But I should also note that when I first heard about it my reaction was a resounding “What The Fuck!?”

But are these two knuckleheads at all believable in these roles or as cops?

Movie begins in 2005, when Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum‘s characters were in school. Hill, nerdy and shy. Tatum, athlete and dumb. 7 years later, some how, they are both wanting to be cops. They remember each other, and agree to work together (helping study / train) and become great friends and partners!

And after a bad first arrest while being park patrol on bikes, they get re-sentenced to an undercover gig on Jump Street, because they are “young looking” to infiltrate a high school and try and stop this new drug from being spread. Could be lethal, but they know nothing about it! So they have to infiltrate the dealers, find the suppliers. So says Ice Cube, their sergeant.

They meet the “cool kids” Brie Larson and Dave Franco, and accidentally switch their identities. ROLE ROLE REVERSAL. They find the dealers, and work on befriending them in order to find the supplier, and you know. Hopefully save the day without getting fired or expelled.

This also features Rob Riggle as a PE teacher, Ellie Kemper as an AP Chemistry teacher, Jake M. Johnson as the principal, and Nick Offerman as their former boss. (This was my paragraph of “People you probably recognize from a TV show”).

Yes, that is the younger brother of James Franco. And it would have bugged you the whole movie noting how similar they looked. He is formally known as “Greg the soccer player” in Superbad.

But outside of all of it, was it funny? Yeah, shit was funny.

It was a self aware comedy too, making obvious jabs at the idea of recreating an 80s drama show into a modern comedy movie. Very easy to catch jokes too. Not everything has to be very subtle.

The made up drug is great, and the moment when the characters were forced to use it? Some of the most funniest consecutive minutes of my life.

Ever joke I don’t think hit the mark, but a large percentage of them did. The action scenes they threw in got to be quite heavy (and slightly predictable) and at one point they actually made a claim that goes against the teachings of South Park, a very hard pill to swallow.

Catfish is a “documentary” on, well, the internet.

Ready for my vaguest plot summary ever?

This is Megan!

This is a “documentary” about Abby. Abby is an 8 year old girl who paints pictures, and mails them off to a guy named ‘Nev‘ in New York City, because she saw him in the paper and thought he was cute. Nev lives with two filmmakers, and because of his relationship with this wunderkind artist, they want to make a film! Begins with them getting more artwork, and it kicking ass. He even befriends Abby’s family!

First her mom, Angela, and then her older sister, Megan about 19. Facebook is great. Turns out Megan is great too. Has a lot in common with Nev, writers he own music, has her own social life. They don’t start dating, but they are interested in each other. He also gets to know her friends, her moms friends, whatever.

But one day he finds out that a song she sent him as a cover, sounds identical to a different cover found on the internet.

Roadtrip!

Yes, that is all of the plot outline you will get out of me. A lot of the point about the movie is the discovery, and journey, so even letting you know more already ruins it. Obviously I used quotation marks around documentary a lot.

Is this a real story? Maybe. Probably not. It at least has real people in it. They aren’t saying its fake. Technically the events that occurred all seem to have happened, but maybe parts were exaggerated or recreated for the purpose of a movie.

Finally, it is kind of a different movie genre. It seems to be a bit experimental, and I think it pays off. There could be a theme of fakeness in this movie, given the topic at hand, and the questionability in the film itself. If so, well done. Layers and shit.

But yeah, I liked it, even though it slowed at points near the end. If it is real, I like the level of respectability that went into it. If not well, its a pretty good fake documentary.

know why Jennifer’s Body sucked? I mean, it was written by the same person who did Juno (and Young Adult)! But these two movies were also directed by Jason Reitman, who passed on Jennifer’s Body, and also directed things like Up In The Air and Thank You For Smoking.

Director beats Writer. I think Science just proved that?

It’s the Hello Kitty shirt that should really speak to you here.

Charlize Theron is a very successful writer in NYC! And by very successful, I mean she has written books as part of a series, but didn’t create the series. Although he name is on the inside flap as the author, the series creator still gets front cover status. It is found in the “Young Adult” section of a book store. Oh well, still cool. Especially since she is a girl from a small town in Minnesota, where most people just stay put and live there their whole lives. Yeah!

But now she is getting depressed (and may have been an alcoholic for some time). She just broke up with her long term manfriend, and her high school boyfriend is now married just had his first kid. And the series is ending, so she has to write the final book, and then figure out what else to do with her life. Seems like a good time to visit her home town! Oh, and plot to win her old love back. Who cares if he is married and has child?

First she meets Matt (Patton Oswalt), a kid who she barely knew in high school, who was taken to the woods and had his legs and dick beaten by jocks with crowbars, for being gay. But once they found out he wasn’t gay, it was no longer called a hate crime and they barely got into trouble. He says her plan is stupid. But she tries anyways to recreate how she looked in high school, and how they would do young people things, like getting drunk at a bar! But Buddy (Patrick Wilson) doesn’t want to.

But she keeps trying. Even going out to to the naming ceremony for the son. Yes, she does it all in front of his wife (Elizabeth Reaser). Even goes to the wives local garage band concert. Questionable motives indeed.

But can she succeed and win over her former lover? Or will the whole town think she is crazy?

Life is simpler in Minnesota. Phones with cords.

So, the dark comedy part of this tag means pretty dark. Minus the death elements in a lot of dark comedies, but man. This humor is based off of extreme awkwardness, meanness, and past situations you didn’t see coming. Also the uncomfortableness of the main character being a depressed drunk, who does seemingly crazy actions.

I wasn’t surprised by what happened at the end, it made sense, but I was surprised at the way it happened. Which was the totally uncomfortable way. (Word of the the day, uncomfortable).

I thought Charlize Theron (an actress I normally don’t care for) did a great job in her crisis, and truly believing all of the crazy things that she did. Thought it was her destiny to get back with her Buddy, and wouldn’t let logic or reason get in the way. Patton Oswalt did a pretty good job, most of his roles are comic relief funny fat guy, but his character was super damn important in this movie, and had a lot more subtle humor.

When I thought about The Adventures of Tintin as a crazy CGI movie, I didn’t think much of it. I thought it would probably cost a lot of money and not do so well. I also knew that he probably wouldn’t go to Africa, given his old comics being racist and stuff.

Basically what you need to know about Tintin is he is a guy with a dog, that goes on adventures. He is a journalist, which means he gets around, investigates, and can also solve mysteries. He also knows how to do tons of things, like pilot all types of transportation sources. He probably speaks a lot of languages too, but doesn’t show off. What a well guy

Minus that guys nose, look at that “realism”!

Tintin (Jamie Bell) is just hanging out in Paris. The first time we seem him is actually hilarious. But I don’t want to spoil that joke for you. While looking for his dog, he finds a model Ship made by Sir Francis Haddock (Obvious reference to Drake is obvious), who was a famous sailor and rich, and had a ship named a Unicorn. Immediately after purchase, a guy tries to buy it from him (with a warning), then Rackham (Daniel Craig), an old rich guy tries to do the same. He seems evil, and this is a CGI movie, so he is.

Eventually Tintin finds a note stuk in the ship, written in another language and a poem. Eventually he also finds out that Rackham has a ship identical to his with a different note. Can these notes combined lead to a secret buried treasure?

Shooting, and kidnapping, and escaping happen, and Tintin finds himself on a boat (motherfucker, on a boat) where he meets Captain Haddock (Andy Serkis). The captain of the baot who is locked away in his room after a mutiny, with nothing but his rum. They eventually escape and realize there is a third clue. Also, clearly the Captain is a descendant Sir Francis, and wants to help out Tintin. But they have to race against Rackham and his crew, who want to stop them, and find the treasure first.

There is also Thomson (Nick Frost) and Thompson (Simon Pegg), two very similar bumbling constables, who want to help Tintin. I think?

Seriously. No idea if they are out to get him, or help him, or if all of their success is stealing the work he does and captures people?

Did you like that shitty plot description? I skipped a lot and left a lot out because A LOT OF THINGS happen in this movie. Holy crap, is there action.

Oddly enough this film is PG. The Captain is drunk 90% of his screen time, and one of the major plot points in the desert is that he gets sober and can’t remember certain things so they have to find him alcohol. What!? Also lots of guns. People in the movie die to guns, even. No blood spatter. But shot. In a pg movie! And smoking! I guess you can do anything in CGI eh?

I liked it all though. It was crazy to watch. Chase scenes, different countries, and a pirate hallucination that was super epic.

My one big complaint, which is true of the comic too (and thus true to the film?) is the dog. The dog just felt like one giant Deus Ex Machina, again and again. The dog was responsible for most of the plot advancement, randomly running away, randomly finding things etc. Just felt lazy that it kept happening over and over.

But really, it was a pretty nifty adventure that Tintin guy went on.

Jackie Chan is a beast. Can anyone top this guy? He has been in a billion things, some good, some not so good. Hell, some times he is barely in the movie. But he is always the best part.

But for The Karate Kid remake, where Jackie Chan is trying to replicate the role popularized by the great Pat Morita? Can he do that? In a remake, will he still somehow be the best part of the movie?

Yes. Even while looking like some sort of sailor scout.

So there are notable differences between this movie, and the original karate kid. So I won’t go over them, they should be obvious.

But hey, Jaden Smith is the star, and he lives with his single parents mom, Taraji P. Henson. They are living in the best city ever, Detroit, but they are transferring her job to China. What the heck. So they move!

China sucks for Jaden. When he was trying to impress this chick on the violin, Zhenwei Wang, some other guy gets mad, Wenwen Han, and tells her to get back to playing. Serious business, the violin. So they fight, and Jaden loses soundly. Then he has problems at school, not knowing the language. He wants to fight back, but instead of ignoring the bullies, he actively pisses them off more, by throwing lots of dirty water on the group of kids.

He then gets beat up again. Rightfully so, that time. He had no end game there. Run until what? Thankfully (?) Jackie Chan comes out of no where and saves him. The kids are mad and try to fight him too. So at this moment you are thinking that Chan is about to kick six middle school aged peoples asses in a fight? Pretty much. He doesn’t hit any of them technically, but also, whatever, it looks like he is beating up children.

They try to get the dojo guy to make them stop fighting, and get thrown out. They agree to leave him alone though until a Kung Fu tournament coming up, if Jaden enters. So of course he does, unknowingly, because he doesn’t speak the language. Then training happens. Questionable training involving his jacket, but not actual Kung Fu. Just kidding, somehow it helps. He also sees the Great Wall, a temple, masters of the art, etc. Then a tournament. Shady dealings, and final kick.

Size of picture is intentional. Take it all in folks.

Here’s what bugs me about the movie. Jaden Smith. Son of the William of Smith. I didn’t like him in this movie, I didn’t think it worked. They made the target demographic way too young. This is all involving middle schoolers. These love felt gestures, these crazy tournaments, all of that. It just feels weird when they are so young, not even in high school.

But really that is my biggest problem. A miscasting of the technically main role. I guess they salivated at the mouth at the thought of sequels, so if they do it while he is young, they can make more movies before he looks like he is some 30 year old mugging people with Kung Fu. Oh yeah, Kung Fu? In the Karate Kid? What?

That decision is also questionable. But everything else I loved. The movie could have been shorter, and the mom less annoying. But man, China. Good call. Lots of nice scenes, training was great, tournament was great. The last last scene had a little bit of a surprise to it too. I don’t think what happened is possible, thanks to physics, but hey, I didn’t expect it. I even rewatched the last fight, and slowed it down. Still kind of confuses me.

What story is more cherished than The Three Musketeers?

Apparently a lot of them. You know how hard it was for me to find someone who knew the actual plot of The Three Musketeers book? I had never read it, nor have I really seen another movie with them in it. Maybe a wishbone episode, but I don’t remember it. I know I am not comparing the book to this new movie, but while watching it, I knew pretty certainly that some of the events in the movie could not have possibly been in the book.

After all, if they had been, that book might be a lot cooler.

This scene was one of the few that made me question if this was the actual story or not.

The story begins with the Three Musketeers trying to unlock Leonardo da Vinci’s secret tomb, where his most awesome invention blueprints were stored. Athos (Matthew Macfadyen), Aramis (Luke Evans) and Porthos (Ray Stevenson) are all introduced (even with frozen framed name cards!), as is Milady de Winter (Milla Jovovich). Each are shown their general personality, and how they prefer to conduct business and fight.

But after acquiring the plans for the warship…betrayal! In the form of the Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom). The Musketeer program is disbanded at that point. A year later, D’Artagnan (Logan Lerman, aka the Percy Jackson) is training with his father, a former musketeer. He dreams of going to Paris and becoming one himself, and so, you know, does that.

In Paris, he starts off on the wrong foot, pissing off Rochefort (Mads Mikkelsen), captain of the Cardinal Richelieu’s (Christoph Waltz) guard. Despite barely escaping, while running through Paris, he also encounters each of the Musketeers, offends them too, and offers them each a duel an hour apart. Then he is like, oh shit, Musketeers.

They get arrested for illegal dueling, but because they took out 40 men in the process, the king (Freddie Fox) reinstates the Musketeers. Just in time. Because the Duke wants to go to war with France. So he arranges that love notes be found in the queen’s (Juno Temple) desk, that say she was having an affair with the duke, and had given him certain rare diamonds (which he has hence stolen). The king will be forced to execute his wife, and go to war, but because he is so young, the public wont like it, and reinstate someone else instead.

Unless the Musketeers can fix the day! Also there is a hot lady in waiting Constance (Gabriella Wilde) who totally wants D’Artagnan.

Lerman (center) looks like his head is out of place each scene with that hair.

How’d you like that summary? If you actually read the book, you’d notice obvious differences. I think Milady plays a way more important role in this movie, than the books. I think also the affair is real in the books (maybe here too? Could be argued). Also, warships.

This movie is also VERY colorful. The colors pop out, at first kind of distracted me (in the first throne room scene), but I got used to it and overall liked it.

Also, this movie reminded me of TONS of other movies. The movie did had an overall epic feel, similar to Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of The Black Pearl, and not just because of Orlando Bloom. If anything this movie succeeds because of everyone else. There was also a scene that was a clear homage to Mission Impossible. But instead of lasers, I assume just had to see trip wires that would ring bells, or something.

Did I mention warships?

If I had a big complaint, I would say they didn’t flesh out the three musketeers personality wise enough. They do a bit at the beginning, and some other moments, but this is clearly an action driven movie. I will say that all the musketeers, in my eyes, did a fantastic job, and the kid. Seriously, they all kicked some ass. I liked the steampunk like warships involved, and found it odd that I was so captivated by a movie that did so bad in the box office.

GUYS. WARSHIPS. GUYS.

Hooray for movies nominated for academy awards!

That is what I would say if I was snobbish. But would a snobby person care about The Descendants, since the only thing it did was win best adapted screenplay? No one cares about that, unless you are the Dean from Community.

So lets just open this up in my normal way, and not a fake snobby way.

Hooray for movies with George Clooney!

Hooray for them not being political in nature!

The movie begins with a woman water skiing getting fucked up. Or at least her happiness right before the fucking up occurs. Then we get GC narrating. Ah, his wife is now in a coma, brain damage. That sucks. Their marriage has been drifting apart, sure. But this is not something he wanted to happen, or ever considered happening. She raised the children, while he was the breadwinner. While being a lawyer himself, he was also the sole trust member of the thousands of acres of land his family owned.

Why? Because he is related to King Kamehameha, and it has been passed down through the generations.

Due to some law, in a few years he will lose the land, so his family is looking to him to sell it to many potential buyers who would like to use it for tourist sites, ruining the natural beauty. He has all the power, but damn it, his wife is about to die! Both of his children are acting up, who he has never really had to raise or look after on his own before. Amara Miller is the younger daughter, living at home with him, and Shailene Woodley is away at boarding school.

The movie is about his character having to make such a great decision, while also dealing with the loss of his wife. Loss? Yeah, in her will she said she didn’t want to be supported on a machine with no hope of coming back, so the plug has to be pulled. He also has to tell all of her friends and relatives of the decision. Including one man he didn’t know existed, the man who his wife was cheating on him with.

Matthew Lillard plays that man, and Judy Greer his wife. The friend of the older daughter, Nick Krause, is also in this movie, as a jack ass who speaks what everyone is secretly thinking.

He also might get punched in the face pretty often.

So why is this movie good? You know why, George Clooney. He is an awesome character. Super relatable, minus the whole rich thing. I did bust out laughing at more than one occasion, but part of it was because the lines Clooney said wee so good. Id like to think I would say the exact same things as him, but I am not as cool.

Everyone else does a good job too, making the movie seem real, which was exciting. The Hawaiian feel didn’t hurt either.

The film was nominated because it was an all around good movie, and its not even artsy.

Footloose is the (hopefully) obvious remake of the classic from the 80s. It was the movie that arguably put Kevin Bacon on the map as a future movie threat. Could this remake do the same thing for Kenny Wormald, whose previous roles included “Dancer” on You Got Served and “Dancer” on Clerks II?

You better be looking at the guy in the pink.

Kenny plays the lead, not Zac Efron as originally planned (because he didn’t want to be typecasted? Too late).

Movie starts out with people drinking and partying. They are even dancing to the Footloose song. Bitches love that song. Then they get into a car wreck, accident, and the car literally explodes. It is so ridiculous looking. Because of this, the town council, lead by pastor Dennis Quaid, initiate a curfew for the people under 18 in the town. Not only that, but they ban drugs and alcohol (dumb, because that would already be illegal), but dancing. Logic is in there somewhere, try and find it. His wife is played by Andie MacDowell.

Three years later, Kenny comes to live with his Uncle who works a repair shop, all the way from Bawston. He fixes up an old beetle, drives around listening to rock, and yes, gets a ticket. Loud music is bad here. All the adults think he is a bad addition to their community. He almost gets in a fight with a redneck right away, but the guy instead ends up his loyal friend, played by Miles Teller. He can’t dance.

He also meets Ariel (Julianna Hough) the daughter of the preacher man, and her kind of boyfriend, Chuck (Patrick John Flueger). Can he get through his senior year without getting arrested? Can he lift the dancing ban? Can he get it on with the preacher’s daughter? If you’ve seen Footloose, you already know.

…Hot damn.

But for real. The plot is pretty damn similar to the original footloose. All the characters even have the same name. The reasoning for the ban is the same, as are the relationships. What is different?

Well uhh. I think this one had more hidden dance scenes than the first footloose, cant remember. In the original, he moves out here with his mother, and his “bad ways” hurt his uncles business. In the new one, he moves out here because his mom died of cancer, and his uncle is always on his side (and no talk of hurt business).

He is still a gymnast in this movie, but the town has no gymnast team. He still does the “angry dance”, and the prom is still held in the same place. Little bit different stuff with the pastor again.

Kenny is not as charismatic as Kevin Bacon though. He does an okay job, but hard to live up to that role. I was really impressed with Miles Teller, playing the “can’t dance redneck friend who eventually can dance”. And dance could he. Took me awhile to ealize that yes, I had seen him in a movie before. He was the “kid” in Rabbit Hole, my first 4/4 movie on the site.

But overall I feel like this is a pretty enjoyable movie. I was surprised to find it as a PG-13, but when I noticed the language and sexuality, it made sense. The dancing was great, song choices okay. Nothing I hated. The “line dancing country bar dance” was one of my favorite, and of course everyone flipping their shit at the end of the movie.

Smart People is a movie about “smart people”. Titles, straight to the point. I think the point is that normally, smart people in movies tend to be so smart, they tend to be pretty awesome. The real people with problems are the not as smart people. Smart people get to be doctors and save lives, or any number of things. But they usually help the dumb in movies, right?

Smart people may be smart, but are they happy?

And why do they look like hobos?

Dennis Quaid plays a university professor, teacher of some sort of literature and maybe some history too. He is really good knowing his shit, but he isn’t good as people. He is pompous, self centered, and a “misanthrope” (word of the day, bitches!) and can’t remember a single name of anyone he has ever taught. Mostly because he doesn’t give a poop.

And then he has a seizure. Bam, wake up in hospital, and under the care of head er nurse Sarah Jessica Parker. Another former student he can’t remember, who was so scorned by his meanness (despite her also crush) she switched to Bio/pre-med. Because of his seizure, he cannot drive himself for at least the next sixth months. That’s horrible. His daughter, Ellen Page, doesn’t want to drive him, mostly because she is in her final year of high school and freaking out about college.

But (thankfully?) his no good, beatnick, brother in law, Thomas Haden Church also has shown up again, looking for money, and willing to be his driving bitch. Also he has an older son who goes to the college he works at, Ashton Holmes, but who cares about that one. This is the Quaid and Page show!

Because of his wife dying a few years earlier, their home life may have been a mess. Page now cooks most of their dinners (and seems to be good at it). But somehow he goes on dates with SJP and you know what? He is bad at it. An asshole. Eventually with the realization that he is an asshole, he tries to change himself. But yet, still assholish. There is also the other plot with Page being all alone a lot, not friends, and finding (too much) comfort in her uncle, who wants her to have a good time. Damn high schoolers, always falling in love with their uncles.

“I KNOW right!”

One second. Can we talk about how weird it is that Ellen Page keeps having these roles where she is underage and falling for or having older men fall for her? Juno, she is pregnant and attracting older men. In Super, she wants Rainn Wilson‘s character. And don’t even get me started on Hard Candy. For all of these movies (Except for Super) she is underage too.

Creepy.

I like that the movie has a dysfunctional “smart family” for once, and it is a nice change of pace. After about 2-3 minutes into the movie, I had already wanted to punch Quaid in the face. His character is very hatable. It doesn’t really change until the end.

If you are guessing the ending from the description, well, you are wrong. Eat it. Ending was a nice way to end the movie, and not as cliche’d at the same time. After all, these are smart people. They can figure their lives out, right?

Oooh. What is that? Another surprise movie for me. Before last night I had no idea there was ever a movie based off of the Stanford Prison Experiment.

Please read about it. There is a good chance you have heard of it before, but just might not remember it.

But yeah! The Experiment. A modern and fictionalized exaggeration of real events. Go go go!

Hooray science!

In case you are an asshole who doesn’t know about the experiment and didn’t click the link, it was a social experiment done at Stanford. A group of guys were chosen to be inmates, and a group of guys chosen to be prison guards. It was an experiment that was supposed to last 14 days, but lasted only six before the plug had to be pulled. Why? People adapted to their roles super quickly and performed things they didn’t think capable. Forms of tortue, abuse, no physical violecne only mental. Prisoners became complacent and passive and only obeyed orders. It worked way too well.

So yeah, that is happening here too. Adrien Brody is a very passive guy, kind of a hippy, but needs money. So does Forest Whittaker, who lives with his mother. They befriend in the original application process, because in this experiment they are offered $14,000 for fourteen days of work. Of course Forest becomes one of the guards, and Adrien a prisoner.

In his cell, Adrien is bunked with Clifton Collins Jr., a guy who seems to know how to be a prisoner already, and Ethan Cohn, a fat diabetic graphic novelist looking for new material.

The main mean guard (At the start) is played by Cam Gigandet, who quickly takes in his new role. They are given five rules that the prisoners must abide by, and the knowledge that if a prisoner breaks a rule, they must punish them accordingly (non violently). If they don’t within 30 minutes, a red light will flash and the experiment will be over and they will not be paid.

The real question is, how far will this experiment go? How much are humans different than animals, really?

“Mmm. You got a pretty (Shiny) mouth.

Just kidding, those aren’t the real questions. You know how far they go.

I liked that the movie relied not on special effects or any CGI, but just the actors themselves. A lot of them do very good jobs, showing the emotion that both sides go through, and change into their stereotypes.

BUT. It is pretty different from the actual experiment. Films change actuality. But in this case, I think the actuality is a cooler story than the film version. In this movie there was attempted rape, death, and yeah, some physical violence. Also some nice urinating on people stuff. Gross right? That kind of stuff didn’t happen in the real experiment. (Would it have happened over six days? Maybe. Have to wait for an unethical country or Texas to try it again).

Had it made it “realer” in terms of what happened in the 70s, I think it might have been a better movie. The ending also seemed to take away from some things. Was pretty unnecessary.