Tag: Ophelia Lovibond

The Autopsy of Jane Doe

Even though it is February, I still barely have any films from 2017.

So finally, here is something that came out in January 2017 that I am reviewing after the fact, so that I can get more than 1 or 2 new a week only. That’s right, now I can begin catching up to the year we are in. And normally, watching January movies means only one thing: shit.

Split is a film that broke that mold. And I have been told by many people that The Autopsy of Jane Doe is also worth the effort and won’t be a shit.

So here’s to hoping it isn’t shit. And some parts of me are hoping it just a really in depth look on how autopsies are performed.

Taking out body parts, looking for weird shit, creepy dead bodies, that is what I need.

Tommy Tilden (Brian Cox) is an autopsy-mitrist, getting old, but still quite excellent at his job. His son, Austin (Emile Hirsch), he is training to take over. Austin is getting pretty good at it too, but he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life hanging out with dead bodies.

He has a girlfriend (Ophelia Lovibond) and they plan on moving away together, leaving his dad behind. He hasn’t told him yet of course, but eventually he totally will!

Then the Sheriff (Michael McElhatton) brings in a new body, a young girl. She was found partially buried in a house with no identifying marks, so she is just called Jane Doe (Olwen Catherine Kelly). There were more bodies in the house, but it looks like they were killed trying to leave. The sheriff says this body is a priority, they need to know the cause of death by the morning, so it is going to be a long night for the Tilden’s.

Of course, while performing the autopsy, they find a lot of weird shit. Abnormalities in her body, strange features. Then, of course, bad stuff starts to happen to them in the laboratory. Power flickers, radio goes haywire, next thing they know, they are locked inside and it is not looking good for any of them.

“What did you say?”

The Autopsy of Jane Doe is a film that wants to keep things very simple. We have a small set, a small cast, and a simple plot line. No added in exorcisms or anything, just a dead body terrorizing a few people. Something to make you feel claustrophobic and a bit worried about dead people.

Perfect for horror enthusiasts. For me? A regular guy? I thought it was a bit dull. I wouldn’t say anything is bad, but given the space and foreshadowing, most of it just makes sense. I didn’t find myself surprised let alone scared.

It is still a good effort. The problems are more with me than the film itself. It isn’t like it has bad acting or shitty camera work. It just didn’t end up being the film for me.

Clearly it just didn’t have enough autopsy jargon.

2 out of 4.

Definitely a movie that I only heard about once before, and just kind of said “eh, fuck it! Lets watch.”

Can’t say I expected much out of Just knew it was some sort of drama/action movie, involving maybe a heist and four different girls with their own storyline.

Which, I guess, is a lot to know about it. Also a British movie. But overall, expected something average and found it to be pretty good.

Look at how unique and different they are!

Beginning scene quickly introduces us to the main characters. When they walk away from the diner, it breaks into each character separately, telling their story for the next three days (Friday-Sunday), until they meet up all again.

First, Shannon (Ophelia Lovibond) goes hoem to find her parents getting divorced. Or at least her mom is leaving them. It was all in a note, but one of her friends accidentally got it. Over her weekend she has a depressing time, no one to hang out with, and gets attacked by muggers in the street over some diamonds she supposedly has. Thinking her friends no longer like her, and other problems, she wants to commit suicide.

Cassandra (Tamsin Egerton) is going to NYC to meet her internet boyfriend. This also has a Kevin Smith cameo on the plane, out of no where and awesome. Turns out her internet boyfriend isn’t real, but a prank. Well she doesn’t like that.

Kerrys (Shanika Warren-Markland) is a lesbian! And doesn’t give shit about nobody. She watches Cassandra’s place for the weekend, is the bitch of the group, and has far too many people piss her off this weekend.

Jo (Emma Roberts) is an American, and is from a well off family. But with her father injured from work, she has to work some night shifts at a local convenience store. A manager she never seen before is up to shady things with the safe, and also other possible crimes.

I have been watching a lot of movies with Emma Roberts recently. Go figure.

Felt weird talking about the plot outline, without wanting to give them away. But how was the experience?

The first storyline I was kind of confused at what was going on. The other girls appear in each storyline, whether in person, or phone call or text, but obviously you know the least about whats going on with just the first storyline. As the story goes on, more and more holes are filled in and you know more about the characters. Get to experience the actions as each member, instead of omnipresent movie watcher.

So overall I would say it started off slow and weird, but definitely got better. Also, “Strangely enough”, each woman character after the first was pretty strong of a character. They all had to do “something” action-y, some more than others. Whether it was tying up and kicking the ass of online predators, chasing people out of a house with a sword, or beating up people at a bar.

Not only that, but the action was generally real enough. And the drama.

Ending was a bit of a let down with all the build up, but most of the stuff I just really enjoyed. Surprisingly.

3 out of 4.

Mr. Popper’s Penguins

Mr. Popper’s Penguins, another old story/book turned movie. I can’t say I remember anything about the book, but I am sure I have read it once in my life. It was probably a ridiculous concept book, that was turned into a ridiculous concept movie. I can tell you that the comedy present in the film is not the caliber Ace Ventura stuff you used to expect from a Jim Carrey movie, because once you go “talking out of your ass”, it is hard to top that. But there are enough decent scenes involving PENGUINS for you to at least enjoy yourself.

Jim Carrey Gay gay
You can top “ass talk” if you go gay, however. What?

Obviously Popper is Jim, and he plays some sort of real estate buyer. I guess he works for a company that buys properties that owe money, and then sells them for higher if they are fixed, or gets rid of the buildings for new and exciting things! When he was a kid, his dad used to go on adventured, and never had time for him. He did communicate with him over some weird crazy “radio” thing. Silly technology.

But now he is divorced with two kids! He is feeling like a distant father himself, no good. His kids don’t seem to care, the older being played by Madeline Carroll, who was also in Cafe and Flipped. While he is trying to spend time from kids, he gets a package from his dad (from his will) and inside is a penguin? What?? Shenanigans! This isn’t good. He eventually gets five more boxes, and thats where all the zany adventures start.

Angela Lansbury plays the old lady who owns the last plot of land his company needs. Clark Gregg is the zookeeper originally called to take away the penguins, but later becomes the villain. Ophelia Lovibond is Popper’s assistant, Pippi, and I only mention her because she talks with a lot of P words, very properly, and looks way too much like Lexi Belle for a kids movie.

Jim dance
It’d be inappropriate to show pictures of Lexi Belle here, jerks. Instead, dancing penguins!

As I said, the humor is okay. Most of it is just “awww” based, dealing with penguins in public. I would rather the penguins not be named after adjectives, and wish they didn’t do a penguin that just happens to fart all the time. Come on movie, rise above that. Also, less Sidney Crosby jerseys would have been preferable. Only one scene really bugged me, in the art gallery. In which it showed a whole lot people seemingly being fine with standing in water that suddenly appeared at their feet, and all “what the fuck!” only when penguins were coming down as well. No one likes wet shoes, people.

But yeah, the plots ridiculous, but any penguin lover will like it. It also preaches good family values overall, and doing the right thing. Well, eventually doing the right then. First there might be some bribery.

2 out of 4.