Tag: Drama

Ah ha! A Johnny Depp movie! Not only that, The Rum Diary is the kind of prequel to everyone’s favorite movie from 1997, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. That movie and this one were both written by the same guy, and both kind of about his life. The Rum Diary was written in the 60s or something, but not published until after the FaLiLV movie came out.

So unofficially it is a prequel, but stars the same character 10 years before the events in FaLiLV, and has the same actor playing that character. Yes, 14 years later, he is playing the same role, but supposed to be 10 years younger. Go with it.

What a great way to open a movie.

Lets see what I can figure out of the plot. Depp’s character is mad at the US journalism, so he leaves the country and goes to work in Puerto Rico. He finds a PR newspaper, lead by Richard Jenkins, and eventually gets a job. Then he has to do dumb tourist stories.

Eventually he finds Amber Heard and wants her. He also drinks a lot of rum. Unfortunately the woman is married to a shady business man, played by Aaron Eckhart, a real estate guy. He ends up getting mixed in their business and other journalist stuff, that leads to crazy drunken adventures around Puerto Rico. Also maybe some lessons learned about journalism. Not sure.

Puerto Rico has got style, yo.

It is amazing how little I cared for this movie as I watched it. I kept trying to figure out the point of the whole thing. It is in no way at all similar to Fear and Loathing, a movie that I personally didn’t like much, but appreciated how much effort went into it and how great the acting of Depp was. But this didn’t give me that latter satisfaction. Apparently this movie took about 10 or so years to make, after initial rights and development, first with Depp, then someone else, then Depp again. Now I know why it kept sputtering out of control.

Not sure how different it is from the book, or if the book is way better, but this movie on its own is just dumb.

Take Shelter is a…well it is a weird movie. Crazy shit happens, but only kind of. Crazy people happen, but only kind of, as well.

What a nonsensical thing to say!

Ahh birds!

Michael Shannon is just a normal individual. Has a wife (Jessica Chastain) and kid (Tova Stewart), and he works in a construction company. Sure, his kid is deaf and they are trying to learn sign language, but hey.

And sure, he is having some sleepless nights. Having very vivid dreams, with birds flying in weird formations, being attacked and grabbed by strangers, dogs biting him, and other giant ass scary storms! This changes his behavior unfortunately and doesn’t tell anyone about the dreams.

He secretly does make an appointment with a psychiatrist, after doing his own researching, trying to determine if he had some form of schizophrenia. Oh, and he takes it on his own time to borrow company equipment to turn his small storm shelter for tornadoes into a larger, more secure building with lots of food and gas masks and everything!

Eventually he does has to confront these dreams and decisions with his wife, but only after also losing his job and spending a lot of their necessary money.

But when a big storm does hit, who will have the last laugh?

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Writing this review bugs me because it is one of those that I want to spoil the whole thing for. So feel free to ask me later, hah. The climax was pretty powerful, and the final scene questionable. The film is about 2 hours but moves very slow. Like super slow. That is probably what would prevent me from ever re-watching. This could have been an epic 40 minute movie, which is a weird thing to say. Sometimes the long scenes help, but other times just doesn’t feel as much.

The acting though from Michael Shannon’s character is off the charts. Watching him become more and more paranoid, yelling, having the fear of the outside world once he is in the shelter. All because of some dreams? I mean, everyone knows but him that he is being ridiculous. He has to be crazy? Right? Right?

Shea Whigham and Katy Mixon are also in this movie, supporting roles, not as important.

So although the acting is so damn good, and deserves many accolades, the overall slowness of the movie really ruins it for me.

When I saw the poster for Lars and the Real Girl years ago I assumed it had to be some sort of joke. If not a joke, then some sort of horribad movie, that was on the levels of Epic Movie and other such trash. Some comedy where they have a guy buy a sex doll, and treat her like a real person? Go bowling with her maybe? That sounds stupid.

And it would have been. If it was a straight comedy “oh look at how silly that guy is!” type of thing. Instead it treats the subject way more seriously, involving social disorders, and a whole small christian town coming together to help one person.

You know. If that bitch Bianca would stop talking so loudly in Church.

Lars (Ryan Gosling) is a weird guy. He lives in the garage of his brother (Paul Schneider) and sister-in-law (Emily Mortimer). He tends to keep to himself, goes to work, rarely talks to the cubicle-mate, goes to church, sits in the back trying to not make a sound. Never goes to the parties that people throw, or special occasions. Work, church, home. Hell, despite Emily’s best efforts, most of the time he refuses to come eat meals with them. She really wants to break him out of his shell.

Well at work he finds out about the anatomically correct love dolls. Next thing you know, he is telling his family he has a girlfriend, who flew in from Brazil, but she doesn’t speak much English, and is in a wheel chair. They are excited! Sure she can stay in one of their rooms! Sure she can come to dinner. And yeah, Bianca the love doll.

They convince him to take her to a doctor, Patricia Clarkson, who also is a psychiatrist, who lets Lars know she has to come back every week, mostly so she can talk to Lars and work this stuff out. From his social disorder, she realizes no one could convince him that she isn’t real, so she makes the family go along with it. And this spreads to the church, work, and whole town. Perhaps most upset is Kelli Garner, who plays Margo, the office worker who really liked Lars, but not that he has a woman. If she looks familiar, it is because she was in Pan-Am, but that had 12~ episodes, so she probably doesn’t look familiar.

Soon the whole town is using Bianca, and she is volunteering at more and more places, with the help of Lars. Lars begins to come out of his shell, hold better conversations with people, even when Bianca is not around. But how will he cope when Bianca’s sickness turns deadly?

“This woman has no pulse!”

Overall, I was astounded at how good this movie was. The acting was phenomenal on all parts, and it seemed to capture the essence of a small Northern/mid-west Christian town. Or at least what I imagine what those are like from the movies.

This is years before Ryan Goslings more famous performances from 2011, Crazy Stupid Love, Drive, and The Ides Of March, yet it turns out he kicked ass back then too. A lot of his acting had to come from facial tics, and the way he spoke, but the whole time you felt bad for the guy and hoped he could eventually himself become a real man.

This is the 350th movie review! For 300, I was unable to review this movie, and so instead did the High School Musicals. But since the movie is finally coming out on DVD, hooray harooh.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 is the first half of the fourth movie/book/cash grab, behind Twilight, Twilight: New Moon, and Twilight:Eclipse.

Lets start with the Anna Kendrick update!

You can argue she has 1-3 scenes in this movie. But they are all in the first 15 minutes. Technically I could say she is just in the wedding scene. In the real one, apparently as a friend who just makes dumb jokes now, and in the dream one, no lines. Kinda gave a snippet of a toast. But that is all. Only a few glances in the first 15 minutes. It was weird watching her as some needy drunk girl too, since presumably she is like 19.

Only picture I could find of her at the wedding. Scarce!

So yeah, wedding happens. Very slowly. The only news that comes out of it is that Jacob is super mad (so much that he takes his SHIRT off! and runs away in the rain). That and Bella isn’t going to go Vampire that night. They are going to enjoy the honeymoon first.

You see he is mad, because that means they are going to have sex. A dead guy and a live girl.

So that wedding takes about 20 minutes of the movie. Bella rarely smiles of course (except when she sees Jacob? weird). Then they go to mysterious Rio De Janeiro for their honeymoon, which takes up at least 25 minutes of time. Yes. Honeymoon, where literally all they do is have some rough sex, and then mostly just relaxing on the beach, having fun time. Until Bella discovers something.

That she is disgustingly fat!

Yep, somehow Edward, a dead creature, that shouldn’t have blood flow to do youknowhat, impregnated a live chick. Uh oh. Shits a problem. [Side note, randomly in the beginning real quick Edward was all, oh yeah I used to kill humans a long time ago. But only bad humans. Dexter-esque, super random].

But yeah. According to random wear wolf lore, that baby is not good. It will be powerful. And it will kill Bella coming into the world. So technically if that happens, Edward would also have broken the “Treaty” between the two groups, by killing a human in their land. Killing one with his penis. (Apparently it is gray area turning her into a vampire willingly, in terms of why that is or isn’t an act of killing).

Picture: Killing Bella With Vampire Penis

At this point half of the movie is already over. If it feels like a lot of filler, that is because it is. Also if you have paid any attention to the other movies, you will know what the characters don’t.

Hmm, the only time the Cullen family tends to add a member to their ranks is because the person is already dying. Bella is going to die giving birth. She is SUPPOSED to be turned into a vampire already, because of those hooded people (who aren’t in this movie?). CONNECTION MADE. Clearly everyone knows that Edward will just get his bite on during birth, and they will have a weird vampire human baby, and she will go vampire, and everyone is alive. Right?

Wrong. I think that is what made me the most mad during the movie. That shit was obvious. They had weeks to plan this stuff. Never crossed anyone’s mind despite it happening all the time (not usually during birth). What the fuck?

The stupidness makes Jacob mad. Also, yes, that is Bella Birth blood stuff on Edward.

So the birth is weird. Apparently the baby grows freakishly fast. Like, weeks after sex it is time to go. Edward even speaks to the baby, cause he can read thoughts. During the actual birth, which is GROSS. So gross! I kind of wanted to vomit. During that, most of the vampires try to attack to kill the baby right away. Jacob, and two other wolves, and the vampires fend them off. No one gets close, no one gets hurt. Gotta love it.

I guess Bella is allowed to not smile now. The whole dying thing.

Guess what. Post Birthing, Bella is lying there dead-ish. Then Edwards get the bright idea, “OH HEY LETS MAKE YOU A VAMPIRE! YES!”. He starts biting her all over, looking for blood I guess. Finally hits it, blood becomes corrupt or something and good to go.

Also, the Wolves stop attacking. Why? Because as far as I can tell, they have some code, where they can claim a non werewolf, to love them and be there for them, as lover, brother whatever, and the tribe cant hurt them. Yeah. Jacob falls all sorts of in love with the baby.

Wait what?

Apparently the baby will grow super quickly. But ethically or morally I am not sure if pictures like this are appropriate.

How to make bestiality worse? Throw in pedophilia.

The final scene has Bella open her eyes to the picture below. I guess its supposed to be a powerful ending, but it isn’t at all. From the first movie you knew she’d be a vampire. The second one made it official, the third one set the date. The fourth one delayed the date, and ignored that fact until the end. But yes. She is now a vampire and a mom.

Of course its just part one, so I assume part two (The final movie?) will be about the swell times they have raising a family, and ignoring the hooded people. No more conflict right? Who knows.

But seriously, this movie is the worst of the movies so far. I hated how slow everything went. The first half was entirely too slow for what amounted to get married, and honeymoon sex. The second half just had them all worried about what they’d do, when they should have known what to do and just waited. That whole thing could have been like 30 minutes. Making this movie into two was stupid in terms of movie quality.

After all, if I thought most of New Moon could have been in Twilight, I’d see no reason to split up a book.

0 out of 4.

Fireflies In The Garden is one of those movies that is finished and released to a festival in 2008, but takes over three damn years to come out on DVD. I hate those movies. Similar things happened for the movies The Joneses and Leaves Of Grass for me, prompting me to download them. Don’t worry, I bought them once they finally were released. But even if I had downloaded this one, I would for sure not buy the movie later.

Teen Angst and Hipster Glasses aside.

This movie is about a family, like so many are, and tells a story in the present and probably about 25 years in the past. The story is also mostly about Ryan Reynolds and his relationships with his parents, Willem Dafoe playing the dad, and Julia Roberts the mom. Childhood was rough. His dad was mean, belittled him a lot, and gave him unreasonable punishments. His mom didn’t like it, but she was powerless to stop it.

But in the present, he is now more successful and has a beard! He is a writer, of course, and people like it. But he has a new book coming out, a tale of a dysfunctional family and a tale of abuse. Oh man, reminds me of the plot of Peep World. On his way home, though, his mom dies in a car accident, but the dad is fine. Awkwarddd.

Ryan hates his dad, and it shows it. Lots of passive aggressive talk. His aunt of around the same age is also there, kind of awkwardly watching it go down. The aunt is played by Emily Watson, but in the past, was definitely Hayden Panettiere, who had to live with them for a month or so, making Ryan’s character have very impure thoughts.

Yeah, this picture is way weirder (creepier? awkwarder?) knowing that she is the aunt.

The movie conveys a lot of destructive behavior, throughout the movie. From catching of the fireflies (And then doing what you do to fireflies), to “fishing” (with explosives), there is a big expectation for a destructive final. But nope. It doesn’t happen. Just ends. It has an ending, the ending is just lamer than expected based off the clues of the movie. Super disappointing movie, almost makes you feel like the whole thing was pointless. I hate that feeling!

Now I know why it took three damn years, I guess. Technically the relationship conveyed between father and son is pretty powerful, and what becomes of it. But its not enough to redeem the movie for me.

Bottle Shock is a movie about Wine in the 1970s and how America is better than France. Honestly, if you made it past the first half of the sentence congrats, because you got to see the second half, and realized that it is in fact awesome. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

Coming this summer on NBC.

Based on a real story, this tales the story of how Napa Valley, California made its mark in the world. They had winos there, but the rest of the world didn’t seem to care. Including Alan Rickman, a British man who really really loves his wine so he moved to France and opened up a wine shop. But none of the French people will invite him to their wine games. His friend says he is way too culturally wine-ist. He doesn’t even give USA wine a chance. So he says, fuck it, lets go to America.

In Napa, Bill Pullman is running his own wine colony. Left a high paying job, is a perfectionist, but no one cares. He is divorced, and his no good son Chris Pine is a damn hippie, despite it being the 70s still, and way too free spirited. Not to mention Freddy Rodriguez is working on his own secret bash. He also has to worry about the new intern Rachel Taylor screwing everyone really.

Rickman’s character travels around the US to find the best wines, even paying for samples. He wants to set up a blind taste test, the first of its kind. Where the judges give ratings without knowing what they are drinking. Something about French bias, but apparently it was never done before. Lot of drama occurs, lack of funds, wine going bad, fear that Rickman is just setting them up to bring them down, and questioning life choices. But since this is a real story, yes, the Pullman wine ends up winning, despite the judges best attempts to pick a french wine.

Those hippies have such soft hands.

Oh yeah, Eliza Dushku is in here too, as a sleezy bartender. What what!?

Now, parts of the movie seemed slow, and some of the drama associated with it seemed a bit unnecessary. The Rodriguez plot line, which you assume will be a major player, turned out to, well, not matter. Also, not as much Dushku as I’d have guessed. Also, pretty obvious at what would happen in the movie.

But hey, at least it was decently funny and entertaining!

One of the central plots in The Invention of Lying was that the main guy was a writer/actor whatever, and in their world, all they did was read about the past for their movie. He got assigned the shitty years apparently, and the only event he had to work with really was the Black Plague. As they constantly joked in that movie, you can’t make a good movie about the Black Death!

When I heard that I called BS. Who wouldn’t want a nice movie about the Black Death? Shit was crazy! Disease, dead people, more diseases, populations wiped out. No real war I guess…probably some accusations of black magic. Maybe that is it. But you know?

Looks like SOMETHING is about to happen.

So obviously this movie is about disease. And one village that is getting destroyed by it hears rumors of another village that has not been plagued. Sean Bean, all knightly, wants to go investigate. He gets a group of people, including the priest monk dude Eddie Redmayne.

The journey takes awhile and then eventually they find the village! Lead by a woman, Carice van Houten, who might be a necromancer? What? She has apparently brought someone back to life. Oh shit, they aren’t Christians!

And yeah. The plot is basically that. They try to figure out if the woman really has powers, are trying to find out why the village has had no plague, and you know, not get killed in the process. But that plan also goes poorly. People get locked up, and maybe sacrificed.

The movie had a lot more pretty brutal violence than I was expecting, almost reminded me of Saw levels, just in action movie form not horror. So that torture porn stuff might be relevant.

She’s a witch! Burn her!

And yeah. I think I know what the movie was overall going for. Closer to the end the themes were a bit better to pick up on, and what might have been occurring with the main characters. BUT. It just took way too long to get to that point. By then I could barely find myself interested in the movie. I was actually turned off by the amount of violence in this movie, if you can believe that. So it wasn’t really the type of experience I was hoping for a Black Plague movie. But then again, not sure what kind of experience I’d expect.

Uh oh guys. Look out. A movie that deals with racism and the civil rights movement!

How can you mess a movie up like that? Those are generally automatically good. Right? Name a bad one. Do it. Try. You can’t. Unless the movie isn’t actually about racism though. That is a way around it!

Because this movie is about Bees. And if I know anything about bees, they are the opposite of Racism.

The Secret Life Of Bees first looks like another movie where white people solve racism. It opens with Dakota Fanning watching an argument between her mom and her dad, Paul Bettany. Looks like he is abusing her? So she tries to save her and shoots a gun, hitting her mom instead. Errr.

So yeah. Awkward family home. Thankfully they still have some help in Jennifer Hudson so that Bettany doesn’t completely ruin her. On Hudson’s way to sign up to vote (new rights!) she gets attacked, and definitely didn’t try to avoid it. This made Fanning mad, helped bust her out of her hospital bed and they ran away!

Eventually they get to a house in another city, and crazy thing, it is owned by a black woman! And its big! Lots of acres. And they farm bees/honey? For profit? WHAT? Queen Latifah is the breadwinner and oldest sister, August. Then there is Alicia Keys as Celloist / Teacher June, and Sophie Okonedo as weird May.

SO YEAH. Some things happen more. Like the dad searching for the daughter. Truth about the mom. A possible lover being arrested (for yes, being black). Kidnapping, lynching, and suicide. Yet this isn’t really about racism.

Right! It is about honey!!

What this movie really is about is a little girl, coming to terms with being a woman, learning the truth of her past, and you know, normal coming of age stuff. Like love, and taxes.

But I think overall the acting wasn’t up to par with normal movies of this similar type of theme. I felt like it didn’t really give me anything new, despite the obviously unique story. Is that weird? Parts felt overly dramatic, and left me asking myself why that would happen next.

So yeah, I am giving the lower review thanks to it messing up what should be easy good movie points.

From everything I heard about Drive, what I heard the most was how good the “cinematography” was. Camera choices were brilliant, chase and driving scenes sexy, and all of that. Well damn, I thought to myself, I have to see this on Blu-Ray then! Well unfortunately this is a DVD review. I know, I know, lame sauce.

Don’t worry. My website is still in HD quality.

Ryan Gosling plays the Driver! I like writing that because that is his cast name. So mysterious eh? Gosling works as a mechanic, and a stunt driver for movies, but also as a get away driver for criminals. He tells them the same thing every time, that he will wait for five minutes, and then get them to safety, then never talk again. He also works for Bryan Cranston for the mechanic/stunt work (not sure on the Criminal parts. Maybe). But they are looking to expand, possibly into real racing because man, Gosling is a Driver.

Cranston gets a 300k loan from some shady Albert Brooks fella to invest in a stock car to get them the monies. Also going on is that the Driver has a neighbor, Carey Mulligan, who he assumes is a single mom. TURNS OUT NO. Her husband / ex husband is still there, Oscar Isaac (named Standard wtf?). Turns out he is just gonna die possibly, and since Driver might like the neighbor, doesn’t want to see them all sad over that.

Driver agrees to help him get away from another crime that will pay off all of his debts, for Ron Perlman. Simple enough. And hey, Christina Hendricks is there too. What could go wrong?

“Fear/panic” face. Ignore stuff in the background. (cough).

Things go wrong, people die, can he save himself and the ones he might now care for?

It was a very interesting story, that really let the use of silence carry the story forward at points. Long scenes, that were yes, well shot were a great bonus. A little excessive violence never really hurt anyone either. I also loved the soundtrack. Full of weird electro synth pop stuff mostly.

I can also see why this movie could be polarizing. I think the ending was lacking, they could have done something more there. That is a common complaint you will hear. Other people may call it boring or not action-y enough. But eh, opinions are opinions. Mine is that this was pretty good but not top of the plateau.

You can really learn a lot about the world with movies. Not the bull crap happy ending stuff, and many other lines. But simple things! Like expressions. I never heard of a Dear John Letter before (or I might have in Serious Moonlight, but can’t remember). Those are letters telling your lover your breaking up with them, usually for some other lover. That adds more meaning to this movie title (Dear John, no shit). I think about that expression and I think “Man…people do dear john texts now. Even less effort.”.

“Now if only knew how to read…”

Let me just say that this is my favorite Nicholas Sparks movie based off one of his books. That being said, I still have only seen two, this one and The Last Song. Which I hated. So it didn’t have much to beat. The Notebook I own just…haven’t gotten around to watching it yet.

Channing Tatum starts off the movie being in the army and getting shot. He is narrating at this point, and tells of a story of him going to the US Mint when he was a child. He had a fascination for coins as a kid, and became a collector. Flash back time!

John starts off at a beach, meets Amanda Seyfried. She is in Wilmington, NC (whaaat) where he lives for spring break. In that small break, they “fall in love”. She even loves his dad (Richard Jenkins), who seems kind of crazy and invested most of their money into coins. Kind of obsessively.

A lot of this movie takes place a long time ago, like late 90s, early 2000s. Once she goes back to school they decide to write letters to each other. Once he goes back into the army the letters keep coming, albeit at a lesser pace. John feels a sense of duty to remain in the army after the 9/11 attacks, and constantly reenlists, but possibly just to escape his home life. He also gets mad at Amanda for suggesting his dad has Autism, just was never treated as such because back then, what was Autism? Just weirdness.

Eventually she sends him a Dear John letter, breaking up with him for someone else she grew to love. Fuck that shit. He re-enlists again, despite getting shot. After some more years of not talking, he finds out that his dad had a stroke and is in serious condition.

Can he forgive his dad for the years of awkward growing up in poverty, due to his obsession? Will he ever find Seyfried again (and you know, win her back despite the fact that she is married)? When will he ever leave the army? What the hell is up with all these coins?

“They’re mine! Mine I tells ya! (Hiss!)”

What surprised me about this movie is the layers. It is not very simple and obvious, like The Last Song (which also was pretty cheesy). It has a lot more serious stuff going on, and not everything is as peachy. The plot lines between JOhn and Seyfried, John and home (with his dad), John in the army, all interweave pretty snazzylike, and I thought that was great of writer.

Obviously the acting wasn’t that great. I think Tatum needs to learn how to make his big face show more emotion. Seyfried could have probably been any girl in this movie. Half of her lines were just narrating the letters they sent. Jenkins was great as “old man who is dying and confused and autistic” though. But ehh. Everything else could have been better.